Enjoy, and please let me know what you think!
Long live Heck! (;
The room was spinning. I clenched my fists as a fresh wave of emotion hit, and I knew.
I couldn't hold it back.
I was sick of holding it back.
"Wait!" I cried.
He stopped his retreat. But didn't turn around. It burned me up, and I snapped. "Is that all I get? Your back?"
"What is it?" He turned, eyes dark and brooding. He sounded impatient.
"You can't do this," I spat. "You can't just leave and...and...not talk about it." I was losing the battle to tears.
Darn it.
Sighing, he walked over to his desk, placing his armor and helmet on it. Straightening up, he clasped his hands behind his back.
If I wasn't so ticked, I would have laughed.
But I was ticked.
"Beck, for crying out loud, would you stop being so military?"
He looked as if I'd just slapped him. His clenched jaw didn't escape my notice. Neither did that vein on his neck that always pulsed when something set him off.
Or someone. In this case, me. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't punish me for rank insubordination. And wasn't it just last week he told me that between us, I was always to consider myself his equal?
With an angry shake of his head, he gathered up his armor again and headed out of the office.
I am going to lose my mind.
"Beck! You're doing it again!" I yelled.
I actually couldn't believe it when he turned around.
"Heather, I don't have time for this today." His voice was characteristically clipped. In control, as always. Except I was 97.8% sure there was a wild, untamed edge to it I'd never heard.
I learn new things about him all the time.
I hadn't moved from my corner of the office, but all I wanted to do was cross the room like a mad woman and get all in his face.
It wasn't the first time I'd wanted to.
"What do you mean you don't have time?" I did my darnedest to get my emotions under control. "You're going off to fight a civil war. I may never see you again." After seeing you everyday and working by your side for seven months. "And you're just going to nod in my direction and say, "goodbye Heather. Be safe.?" What the heck?"
I was mad.
He was mad because I was mad at him.
He returned to his desk, set his armor down once more, then leaned against it, his arms crossed.
As always, he was the picture of an unattainable man.
He raised his eyebrows, fixing his dark gaze on me. Me, a first class disaster with tears in my eyes and probably mascara trails down my cheeks and uneven breathing and I think I just hiccuped and he's married so he's probably swearing by his mother that I'm on my period. Great.
I had no idea what to say. I'd basically laid it all out, hadn't I? Gee whiz, I'd told the dude he couldn't just tell me goodbye. And for all intents and purposes that meant I wanted a dramatic movie kiss out on Main Street. Ouch. Wait. I had kissed a guy on Main Street, and that ship went to... pot.
The faintest smile tugged on his stern lips, and he looked amused. He always did that when I blushed. I hoped to high heaven he couldn't read my thoughts right about now.
"I am military, Heather." He was quiet, his eyes searching mine seriously.
I wanted to groan. Wow, that flippant insult was all he planned on addressing? Great.
"I know you are," I said, trying to sound nice and understanding. "I'm sorry for saying that." I took a few steps closer to the desk. To him. "It's just... sometimes I wish you weren't so professional all the time."
He made a scoffing, dismissive sound I couldn't translate. I sat there trying to make sense of it.
"Heather-"
He always said my name so softly. I met his eyes eagerly.
"I—" His chin hit his chest and I was almost positive he swore under his breath. "You don't understand."
"I want to." My voice was earnest and I stepped closer. I was close enough to touch his arm, and I wanted to. He must have read my thoughts, because he shifted away from me slightly. My heart sank miles down.
I stood there patiently while he organized his emotions. It seemed like an age.
"Things just aren't simple between us. You know that."
The raw emotion in his voice unnerved me. "You mean... your family." It was a statement.
He nodded, looking away from me. I'd never seen him look so conflicted. So broken. So lost.
"I have duties to my family. And before God, I have a commitment to my wife." His voice was tight and husky all at once.
I was surprised at his reference, even though I knew from his men that he was a devout Catholic.
"I have a responsibility for them."
I nodded. "I know." I tried to keep my voice from wavering. "I wouldn't want you to..." I let that trail off when I realized that number one, it was an awkward train of thought, and two, he was probably wondering just what I wanted. Hadn't I told him that he couldn't just leave me without... without what?
I groaned. Much louder than I meant to.
He whipped his head around to look at me. "Yes?"
"I'm just... Gosh, I'm so sorry. I'm such a mess." I put a hand to my forehead and closed my eyes, feeling like such a fool.
So far, we'd managed to maintain some semblance of a platonic relationship. He was the unattainable, mighty Major Beck, and I was his young, spirited military liaison and that was it. Minus the lingering glances, the weird thank yous, the elaborate stash of coffee he'd given me from his own, and his everlasting concern about me walking home alone after dark.
But I'd blown that nothing-is-going-on facade out of the water. I'd confessed to my feelings and now I was feeling mortified.
"Heather, it's okay." He stood up from the desk and uncrossed his arms.
"No. I'm an idiot. And I put you on the spot, and now I'm just feeling like a complete moron. You should just ignore me, and of course, you're right, I don't want you to confess it if you... well, if you...whatever, because of your wife, and I completely agree that you need to think of her. So I don't want you to say anything—"Another lie for Major Beck. Hopefully this one goes over as well as it did last time. "Just go fight your war. And I'll try not to let the town go to hell—"
His hand was suddenly on my arm. I jerked in surprise and studied his hand, dark against my skin, for several seconds before looking into his dark eyes.
"Don't be offended, but you really need to shut up."
Oh my gosh, he was actually smiling at me!
"It's a bad habit. I ramble when I get nervous." Oh boy, butterflies were as bad now as junior high. Worse, actually. And this was just his hand.
"I've noticed that. Several times, actually." He was amused, throughly enjoying my flustered state. He got way too much enjoyment out of my naïveté. And my chronic blushing problem. It makes a guy's ego go off the charts.
His grip on my arm grew tighter by a margin, but I noticed. "Heather, I can't make any promises. But I can tell you that I am going to miss the hell out of you and if I make it through this war, it will be because I know you're here in my office waiting for me."
His eyes were so soft and gentle. A thrill shot through me as his fingers caressed my arm. I managed a smile and laughed softly. "I'll be waiting for you."
He gave a curt nod. I couldn't get over how different he looked when he smiled. I'd never seen him look this way.
"Goodbye, Heather." His other hand rested on my other arm, and he pulled me closer and kissed my forehead. "I'll be back."
He'd never been so close, and I couldn't resist reaching up and tentatively brushing his hair. Then I brushed the back of my hand down his face. "Goodbye, Beck. I'll be here. You be safe." It was a stupid thing to say to someone going to war.
With one last squeeze of my hand, he picked up his gear and left the office. And I followed him out.