Even the darkes night will end and the sun will rise
AN: I don't own Harry Potter, but I own this idea.
The title is a quote from Herbert Kretzmer (inspired by Victor Hugo and his book Les Misérables)
(If there is something similar to what you read before I'm sorry it's a coincidence - besides there are just so many stories you can write that are entirely different.)
It's meant to be a prolog. But it is important. Past influences the future after all.
So, if you didn't scroll my ramblings…
Enjoy the story!
"Each of us is more then the worst thing we've ever done" - Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson
~~~Lilly~~~
He was two years old now. Solving puzzles with his favorite stuffed toy – a cat, of all things he could pick – such an unbecoming thing for a pureblood. She looked at his little round face. He was so intelligent, but well, that was to be expected, she was the brightest which of her time, after all…
His hair was again in his mouth. Was it normal for a child? – She didn't know.
She judged her… son. Again… Looking, inspecting his looks. For something, anything not normal, surprising. But, as always, she found nothing. Black, oh so black messy hair. Stunning green eyes. Little delicate nose – just like hers. And healthy but still too pale skin. Little body, like a two-year-old should have… He was quite a site and everybody where so happy for her.
"He looks just like his dad." They said. "Only the eyes. The eyes are just like yours."
Pictures of their little family landed in the Prophet not for the first time. The words below them always the same. Mocking her every time she so much as looked at them. „The Perfect Potter Family"
Well, yes. James would always say it's true. That she was worrying too much. But she just couldn't. Couldn't! She tried so hard. So hard to love him. To see her little Harry as their son. The heir of the Potter family James said. But...
She couldn't bear it anymore. Pretend to care… maybe. But to love? Like this little boy didn't picture one of her greatest mistake. Only mistake.
Otherwise, she was perfect. Perfect which. Perfect wife, daughter, muggleborn and student. Just this – him. He was her failure. She didn't know how to fix it. James blood adopted him. Told her that it didn't matter. That now he was theirs like he supposed to be from the very beginning. "Look,"– he would say – "look, he even looks like us. Like me. Lilly–flower. Don't worry. Now one will ever know. Now one will even suspect.
"We will love him" – he would whisper in her ear – "we will love him so very much."
She couldn't. It was hard to sleep at night with just thinking that someone could find out the truth. That he would find out. It was like a horrible monster under her bed. Keeping her up - awake all night. Making her know fear better then the back of her hand.
She didn't sleep till she was sure that nothing - no spell, no potion would revile his parentage – and now, finally, she was safe. Everything was okay. Her secret was safe. She knew it…
But every time she looked at him, the only thing she could see were his green eyes, too green to be hers. She wouldn't be fooled – and his hair. Messy they said. That was not true. They were wavy, maybe even a little bit curly… Wavy and not brushed by her at all. He didn't have the Potters hair. The cursed bird – nest. No. And the hair were not a dark brown but black – why was she the only one seeing it?
He was so perfect. So beautiful. But she couldn't see him without admitting that he was a mistake. Her mistake...And then it struck her - the thought clear as day. He was her mistake, yes – but mistakes were bound to happen. Mistakes are a part of life… and this mistake she could afford. Especially because he was going to be perfect. Just as the rest of her life.
Yes, he would be her perfect mistake.
She would make sure about it.
And with her son still playing on the beautiful carpet, the fate of her son was sealed.
Or so it looked like.
Holding her son for the first time was weird. Her emotions crushing within her. Overwhelming love and hate in the same moment. She wanted to hug him and dump on the floor, she want to coo and scream, she couldn't understand why. During her pregnancy everything was simpler. Her hate to the child clear as day. She kept him solely because of James and their image in the wizarding world. But now. Now she wasn't sure anymore. He was her son. In now time at all he would also be her husband's… and parents always loved their children – scratch that – parents always should love their children, and when she was little, she was loved and cherished, by her mum and dad. To be truefull she was more loved then her sister – even if she was the adopted child. Maybe that was it? Maybe her parents thought that she needed more affection than Petunia. No, she just always was better, perfect, even as a little girl. Well not that it matters now. When everything turned just splendidly for her.
She shook her head and looked at James. Her James. He was quite a catch. Rich, and handsome, powerful, and totally smitten with her. Well, she admitted, she loved him as well. She wouldn't tie herself for life to someone that she wasn't happy with. In love with. And with James… she wasn't shure from where those sudden emotions came… maybe she was suppressing them more then she realized? But. Not that it mattered now. He was her love. Her darling…
But enough of that. Time was flying by and they still had to make a decision. Name the boy, her son. The nurse stared at them, with an expectant look on her face – waiting silently. Not that she should do more then that. She was standing before a Lord and his Lady. Some respect was due.
"I always wanted to name my child Harry." – her husband spoke, clearly ending his silent marveling of the child. That successfully brought her to reality… she wouldn't, couldn't, have it like that.
"That's why he will not be Harry, James. He's not your son, not really." – she whispered to him, paranoid even with the silencing charms surrounding them.
"But he'll be as good as. "
"No, I do not want you…"
"Lilly – flower" James cut in "I know, we spoke about it many times now. It's no problem. Really. And I love the name Harry."
"I…" She sighted exasperated. "Okay. What about a compromise? We could name him Harrison."
"Think I like Hadrian better." – murmured James. But she heard him anyway.
"Why? Because he's dark haired?"
"What? No. Lilly – flower." He straightened and lifted the boy. "Hadrian like the Roman emperor, God nearly, like the great wall…."
"I didn't know you were into muggle history."
"What?" James blinked at her, his mood dimming a little. "I wasn't and I ain't now."
"Clearly you are."
"No, I'm really not. You have to remember that a lot of history is intertwined."
The nurse, still standing near the wall cleared her throat.
James spun around and flushed lightly "Sorry," He started to say hurriedly. Like he had to apologize. To a commoner like her. "It's just so much, that I'm feeling not quite as my self, and it's so easy to just…"
Oh James, your wife has a child and a cat gets your tongue.
The mediwich laughed – the sheer audacity of that woman – then said "Yes, I can see. Never in million years would I thought to see you not charming your way out of a situation. But here I am, hearing your awkward 'Sorry'. The world's clearly ending…"
"Ouch!" Her James grabbed his chest like a wounded man. Well, better playful than dumb. "That was mean!" He cried.
The nurse only stood there unimpressed. James wasn't bothered continuing his act.
"But you see, you had to get something wrong. It's Sirius that's charming his way out of problem. I'm never caught!"
She nearly snorted at his antics, the mediwich in not a better state. But she was a Lady, that would be unbecoming. Well, she thought, she can turn the situation around a little.
"James," She started innocently. He turned to look at her. Not so faked fear showing his eyes. She almost smiled. Her husband knew her so well. "James," she said again. "Are you secretly a Slitherin at heart? All brash on the outside, and 'never get caught on the inside'? Why, I always thought there is something more to you then meets the eye… But," she continued still pretending not to see his horrified face "You should not have to hide it from me for so long. You now that I was great friends with Severus for years. I think I can understand your"
"Lily-flower. Stop!" James send her aa hurt puppy look. "That was low. Slitherins and Severus in one mix? Did you want to give me a heart attack?"
"No, not at all" She said "Your reactions are just so sweet I couldn't resist." She smirked inwardly. "So, about the name… Hadrian Nerva Potter? I think it has a nice ring to it."
Her James smiled at her not thinking twice "Yes, that's perfect" and holding her hands looking at her brightly he said "We'll name him Hadrian Nerva Potter."
And the magic sang, sorrowful notes intertwined in her music. The name was chosen, the family tradition broken. Twice. The child left on the side. The name not one of Potter ancestry. The magic made a new identity whole but not right.
Magic rang again – no one heard.
Lily, now holding her child tightly, smiled in his rug. Her plan worked perfectly. As always.
~~~ Petunia ~~~
At the beginning, when she still didn't know, she tried. Tried not being jealous, tried to behave nicely, lovingly even, not only to her parents, but to her sister as well. She knew that her sister just always was like that, that she didn't do it on purpose. She was perfect, always and in everything. She smiled and she loved, her hair perfectly curly, in the brightest shade of fire. But the most irritating fact about her was different. Not her perfection, no, her lack of trying to be perfect. Her effortlessly always good grades. She was the best without even trying. She didn't know what it felt like when someone would sneer at you, she didn't experience the shame when making a mistake. She just didn't. Her parents would always smile at their girl, and her accomplishments, and say "Oh, Lily, our lucky, perfect girl… "
Petunia remembered that. Every time they would smile at Lily leaving her lingering in the shadows. Leaving her behind. Petunia could be as perfect as Lily if she tried. And tried she did. But every time she did something Lily would came and do it not only better, but also effortlessly. It madden her, but she tried to not show it. Always keeping the jealousness at bay. But it always lingered in the shadows, just like her.
The first time she cracked was the time her parents spotted her not so nice looks thrown in Lillis direction. That was the time they seated her on a sofa, her mum made some chocolate, and her dad wrapped his hands around hers. Then they started talking. She didn't how they did it. But in the end, she not only knew that lily was adopted, and therefore needed a little bit more show of their affection, but she also left with a feeling of great love for her, Petunia Evans, from her parents. That didn't change that the jealousness squashed in the bottom of her heart started twisting. Because not only Lily was more perfect, and showered with more love than she, even if they said they loved them equally, she wasn't her real sister. And she couldn't tell her!
Petunia was not happy at all. But she tried again. To mend what was ripped. To love her sister as a real sister should. She fooled herself that everything was all right.
Then the boy came, and Lily perfect as always, befriended him, taking pity on the boy, like she tried to take in all the stray cats and dogs.
Petunia drifted away from them, not wanting to say something bad to them, but not knowing how to stop herself. Because all I all her sister was a good person, frustrating with perfection, but always so good and so selfless, that Petunia couldn't bring herself to hate her.
Well, this also changed, with time.
The eleventh birthday of one Lily Evans, Petunia will never forget. All started normally, the same rhythm of day. Singing Happy Birthday whole standing with a cake above the still sleepy Lilly. These were the times Petunia cherished, or the days before. When she alone with her mum baked a cake, when she alone with her Dad drove to London, always to London, for a great present for Lily, she would get some for herself as well. But this time was different. This time was the second straw, when something cracked within her, and made the jealousy rise her head higher.
An owl came. A bell rang. A voice chirred. And tears fell. Lily had magic and she did not. Lily could do great things and she could not.
That was so unfair.
As years went by, they grew apart even more, and every new letter written on a parchment, saying wonders about magic made something in her break. She wanted to scream seeing those proud faces of her parents. And her jealousy whispered no longer mute. That's because Lils not your real sister. She's not even human. She's a witch who stole the love of your parents. The which that made you nothing. It's her fault.
Petunia didn't want to listen to that voice. She vowed to herself she would not break. She would stand strong. And she would be the most perfectly normal girl, wife and mum in the world. And that would be something in witch Lily would not beat her.
Then the prince charming appeared. All rich and wonderful, all smiles and playfulness, arrogance but just the right amount, and above all, all Lily's.
She was there with Vernon right next to her, on the wedding of her sister, and that was the first time when the jealousy overcame her, and sprang to the surface. Because her sister had everything, and now she invited her to the wedding to rub her life in her face.
She had enough.
"Vernon, come. I don't think we want to spend even one more moment with all those freaks." She said that just in time to ruin the great vow, when everyone was silent, and the magic made the bond. Just before Lily said yes to her near husband. She spun on her heel, a sneer on her face, and for the first time she felt free.
From a bond that just couldn't continue, from a bond built on lies and hidden truths.
She spun on her heel, and the last straw broke. From this moment Petunia Evans began falling. And falling well, falling was not so different in the feeling of freedom as flying, at the beginning at least.
So, when she opened the door in her perfectly normal household and spotted a child in a basket, shivering from cold on her doorstep, with golden letters on his red and yellow expansive clothes, stating H. N. Potter... She didn't faint. She didn't scream, or call for her darling Vernon. The only visible change was her turning to stone face, and the promise of pain and retribution in her eyes, when she lifted the child bringing it to her perfect and normal living room.
That was why there would be no love for Lilies child. Only coldness, anger and old grudges.
Because Petunia swore to herself that, she would never be like her parents – loving an adopted child more than her own. She would not waver in her decision, and that's why when the little boy, who looked not older than four opened his stunning green eyes, and lifted his OH so cute face up, when a stray curl fund its way on his forehead when he opened his rosy lips and spoke, she didn't crumble. And hearing his polite words she only sneered.
"Lady? I mean, Miss? What am I doing here?
She only stared.
"Where is here... were am I? Could you answer, please?"
And in that moment Petunia finally fell becoming one with her jealousness, because why? Why her little son couldn't be so sweet and polite? So cute and behaved? Something snapped finally in place.
When she looked at her nephew again, the only things she saw, was how freakish he was, how disturbing were his eyes, how judging his stare, so she sneered coldly, and slapped him in the face. Hard and with a sense of finality. She said nothing. Because he was not a human, he was not a child, because a child she would never hit. He was a freak, and as a freak she would treat him.
Just like that Harry was welcomed in his new family.
And fate laughed not for the first time that night.
~~~ James ~~~
He was the only and he was the best. Always. The only child of the Potters. The Heir. He was light and he was powerful. Handsome and rich. He had everything and he loved it.
When smaller he liked to read, of all things, swallowing whole books in the Potter library. All light, all ancient. Then his father bought him a broom, and he lost interest in everything else. As a kid he was fuzzy with energy, but polite and kind. Then came puberty, Hogwarts, Sirius and the Marauders.
He was the perfect Gryffindor. Light on the inside and outside. Brash but intelligent. Smart mouthed. There wasn't a shade that would taint his bright aura. Well, there was Snivelius. But he wasn't more than dust in the wind. Well, maybe he was a little bit more. Because dust doesn't get pranked all the time, and isn't a great thing to make fun of… and Snivelius was the best person for those things, his reactions were always so fun. So if sometimes they would go a little to far… it wasn't his fault. The Slitherin-Griffindor rivalry was legendary. And his clothes and whole appearance just begged to be taunted. Mocked. Made fun of. If he wanted a bit of relief of the gossip pit, sorry, Hogwarts school, why didn't he buy some new clothes? It's not hard. But well, if he couldn't bring himself to care about his general appearance. Then James wouldn't stop. Someone so shabby deserved the treatment they handed him. But, enough of him, he wasn't worthy his time.
Every prank they made. Every little or big interest he had, paled in comparison to Lily.
Lily.
He behaved like an idiot around her beautiful face. His wit was gone when she would come. He couldn't rhyme, he couldn't charm, his jaw hanged open and saliva dropped from his mouth like from a dog – Merlin! If he was a dog animagus he could have an excuse! But now… Well, her brightness was enough to put a Vella to shame. Not only in body but also in mind. She was the greatest witch in the Century! She was so sweet with big green eyes like the fresh grass or a frog – no, frogs were ugly – but the point is, she was beautiful. Her hair like fire - red and untamable. Her teeth white and shiny and oh, her eyelashes so long and black, that when she blinked it looked like night falling on the world all over again.
And the last thing. Her magic. That was the first thing that brought his attention to her. The aura of power that softly hummed around her. Only the best had it. The smell of lilies and ashes. The color sometimes flickering at the edge of his site. Her magic like flames - like her hair. But brighter. More like real fire than just an imitation.
So yes, he behaved like a fool, but who could blame him?
Like a fool. Like a man in love.
And that was the problem. Cause he could have every girl if he so much us wished for her – his charm, money and looks would see to that. But he couldn't have her. First he thought that she secretly was with Snivelius and that was why she wasn't interested in a catch as good as him. But that wasn't the case. Of course it wasn't! But of course his dumbstruck expression when he saw her would make her loose interest. He would never look at a girl who salivate at his sate twice. So, what was to say about her? A miracle fused with perfection in a body of a girl? Of course she didn't want him!
Sometimes he thought he was charmed – so strong was the affection, but that wasn't the case. As the direct heir of the Potter line he was protected from most love charms and potions.
Then it hit him. The Idea. He had no chance with her, but he could make himself a chance.
It would not be so hard and it would be undetectable. At first he shook his head. It would be unmoral. Shady…
But as time passed, and the last year of school started he began becoming desperate. And desperate times call for desperate measures. Still. He couldn't bring himself to do it. Torn between thoughts, not taking action, he became restless and seeing her every day didn't help either.
So, he did the only thing he could muster. He went seeking advice.
Not from friends – he new their thoughts on the matter. Not from his parents – he still believed that a person with such power couldn't be a… well, a mudblood. He wasn't prejudiced! That was their name! Simple as that.
He went seeking advice to an authority figure. That was trusted. Wise. That could solve his problem.
And it was no other than Headmaster Dumbledore.
Walking the staircase to his office never was so easy as it was hard at the same time. But he managed. He was brave after all, and powerful.
For days to days of no end he thought how to ask the question not telling about The Idea. Because he didn't want to share his feelings his twisted idea with Dumbledore as much as he needed his – not help – reassurance.
And the question finally formed in his mind, that's why when he opened the door of the headmaster office, he asked outright with only a brief greeting. Not even waiting for a response.
"If I hopelessly fell in love with someone, and she – I mean, that person - doesn't return those feelings, should I try to make her love me? Through any means necessary?
"Well, my boy, I have faith in your decisions. I'm sure anything that could possibly pop in this head of yours wouldn't be bad. Besides as muggels say 'All is fair in love and war' don't you agree?" And after saying that he started humming contently with yet another lemon drop in his mouth. He liked Dumbledore - he really did. But sometimes he really was annoying.
Trying to keep his voice calm he asked. "But does it apply to us magical? We aren't nearly the same as one would like to believe."
Headmaster made such a weird face that James really wasn't sure how to interpret it, like… he thought that James was wrong. And like he pitted him for such nonsense. But that couldn't be true, could it?
"Of course it is nothing more than a saying, but all sayings hold a truth, sometimes simple, sometimes not, and maybe muggels do not have magic but we all still are people, my boy.
"So all is fair in love?"
"And in war, yes. Sometimes we must make sacrifices for the greater good, which in this particular problem would be love. Besides would you be not forgiven for your doings if someone did love you truly? If you would not, then the feeling they had to you wasn't love to begin with."
"I don't want to hurt her."
"Then don't my boy, then don't."
"So what should I do headmaster?"
"Follow your heart."
"But that is my heart pushing to do those things. It's just my mind that rebels."
"Then you know the answer."
"If something goes wrong –
"You will be heart broken, but will live. Believe in fate my boy, and listen to your heart, I'm shure it will not lead you astray."
"Thanks headmaster."
"Think nothing of it, now go, cause some mayhem – but nothing to serious." He said making a shooting gesture. James snorted inwardly, thinking if Dumbledore was doing it on purpose '"And don't forget to invite me on your wedding, I'm looking forward to see the union of such a bright couple! "
"I – I want forget headmaster, good day" But the headmaster was just smiling contently – which was his neutral face as James already knew - lost in thoughts. Had to be some great plans – James thought to himself - Maybe a way to stop the war…
In that moment fate laughed, this childish knowing laugh that waited for the suffering of people, because if one muggle saying is true why not an another? Not only 'All is fair in love and war' But also 'The road to hell is paved with good intentions.' And sometimes one saying can be so much more fitting than the other.
The next twenty-four hours were filled with action. Was it good? Bad? Who knows? But let's state some facts.
Quite a big stock of Amortencia was purchased in a not so known and not so legal place – and it wasn't Knockturn Alley.
Lily was surprised with a nice and so very well-made drink from her friend.
And James, James was carefree and happy like he wasn't for a very long long time – Lily at last came to her senses and looked at him not with distaste but longing.
Dare he say love.
The date of their marriage was planned day after they started dating. It was quick but it showed how they loved each other.
And James wasn't nervous - sure that any amount of power wouldn't help her reject the potion.
The power of love was great indeed.
That's because of these actions, his actions he behaved as he did when sometime later Lily came to him all in tears, heart breaking look on her face. When she looked into his eyes and said she was pregnant, and no he wasn't the father.
She didn't remember with who, she didn't remember why, she remembered liking it until she thought about him… and no, she didn't know why she had forgotten about him in the first place. When asked about where did it happen she wasn't sure – but maybe it was Slughorns party just before graduation? She did drink there after all, and James wasn't able to come with her. She wasn't sure she remembered everything of that night…
Yes, James wasn't ready for those news, but like all things he talked it in stride. He didn't shout at her, he wasn't even really angry. Because her love was conditional, only there because of Amortencia.
He knew she couldn't really be at fault. Probably she drank something and wasn't aware what she was doing. Because of the over option – her breaking free of the love she felt, even for one night… - he wouldn't think about that. Besides it was impossible.
Still, the seed of doubt took root in his mind.
Because of that he started dosing her with smaller portions of the potion. He didn't want her being weak - He tried to convince himself that was the only reason - didn't want her blind. He wanted back her fierce self. The defiantness that was nearly nonexistent.
And to be honest he didn't want to know what could happen if she became aware of this magical love.
When she was nine months pregnant, he switched potions entirely, giving less potent ones, more natural ones. Mixing, stirring, experimenting to find liquid love, real love. It wasn't just Fleamont who invented something new. With right motivation every one of them could make the impossible possible. Or come as close to the boundary as only Potters can – a meter away from the precipice – stepping on the ear trough will alone.
He made her fall in love and burn with passion, he made the reactions a realty without potions and spells.
Stressed as she was, paranoid with only the thought of someone finding out the child was well, not a Potter by birth… she didn't notice. Thank Merlin for small mercies.
And maybe the marriage bond didn't exist like it supposed to, not strong enough. Severally lacking – he thought that had to be a mix of her sisters shrieking at the wedding and her love insured by the potions -he couldn't be too sure… But it was okay.
So, what if the more powerful magicians could see that something was wrong with the bond? He didn't care. Their opinion wasn't important to him and Lily would never know.
Because powerful or not, beautiful or not, she was a mudblood - and the rest of the Ancient Houses would never lower themselves to her level.
Scared of disease or disgusted by the brightness and ignorance. And ignorant he would keep her. Not of everything bot of that for sure.
Ignorant of power levels… of how to become in tune with magic, of bonds made by marriage. He would do it. This was, after all, for the greater good. Greater good that was his continued and happy existence.
Besides if she didn't know about those things by now, she couldn't be really interested in magic or their culture as she – in minds of many – should be.
Well, better for him. Now only he had to seal the library to be open only for Potters by blood, and everything should turn out like it should have from the beginning.
He was a Potter after all. And a Potter got what he wanted trough any means necessary.
All was going splendidly he thought looking Lily in her eyes, she was so beautiful – he nearly couldn't think, so he just went with her idea – she would never hurt him after all, and she was so intelligent – "Yes, that's perfect" and holding her hands, smiling once more - like a fool in love – again, he said "We'll name him Hadrian Nerva Potter."
And the magic rang in the air – broken tones swirling around and forming, forming a new identity. Because the Parents were powerful, and a Potter could make something wrong, right, or just whole – trough sheer power and will alone – even without a conscious thought.
Fate laughed and the stars changed their places. For the future that would come.
Read and review please!
That would be it for now. It's my first story and not in my first language so sorry for any mistakes that could and I'm sure did happen – I hope you still liked it.
I know I did.
Writing something light and just for fun is good once in a while!