Anai goes to Walmart

Author's note:
Little Timmy: "Why do you hate Houston so much, Mr. Owl?"
Mr. Owl: "Well little Timmy, some cities need to get wiped out by hurricanes again. OR FREEZE AGAIN IN SNOW/ICE, SHUT DOWN, AND JUST DIE."
Little Timmy: "oh... kay?"

At the office, Anai was working on his assignment. Haida was busy chatting with Fenneko. Suddenly Anai got up and slapped Haida. "TAKE ME TO WALMART."

"What the hell, Anai?" Sighed Haida rubbing the side of his face the badger slapped him. "It's the middle of a workday! Jeez!"

"TAKE ME TO FUCKING WALMART, NOW."

"WHY DO YOU NEED TO GO TO WALMART?"

Anai leaned close to the hyena's face and whispered. "Listen, Haida. I have violent fucking diarrhea that I will FUCKING PROJECTILE VOMIT OUT MY ASS LIKE THE GOD DAMN VOMITING DEMON FROM THAT EXORCIST MOVIE AND AIM IT DIRECTLY ONTO EVERYTHING YOU OWN AND LOVE IF YOU DON'T FUCKING TAKE ME TO WALMART RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"

The entire office went quiet and stared at him in disgust.

"Shit, the bundle of joy means business." Smirked Fenneko. "Have fun you two."

Haida sighed again. "Okay, but we'll have to ask our bos—" Immediately Anai snapped his head in the direction of director Ton slowly approaching the pig.

"I'm out of bacon." He muttered still glaring menacingly at his boss not once blinking.

Ton oinked and shrunk down in his desk. Anai climbed over the desk breathing heavily continuing to glare quietly for a full five minutes.

"Yo-You may go." Squeaked Ton. "Please go away."

Suddenly Anai bit down on the boss's belly ripping out a chunk of flesh causing his boss to screech out in terror. Anai spat out the flesh as blood spilled all over the desk and floor. "RAW! DISGUSTINGLY RAW!" He shrieked at his horrified boss. "YOU'RE SO DISGUSTINGLY RAW! IT'S A HEALTH HAZARD VIOLATION THAT YOU EVEN SHOWED UP TO WORK! WOULD YOU FEED YOUR MOTHER YOUR FUCKING RAW FLESH, YOU SICKENING WALKING FOOD POISONING?! YOU ARE RAWER THAN THE SEX TAPE FOOTAGE OF PAPA JOHN GOING AT IT WITH THE PIZZAS HE SO DESPISED - AND THAT'S FUCKING UNADULTERATED RAW FUCKING FOOTAGE!"

The entire office remained dead silent still in disgust and now with confusion while observing the horrifying scene unfold. Director Ton sobbed under his desk.

"Jeez." Spoke Haida breaking the silence. ""What is it with you and Papa John related metaphors? Who even IS that?"

Anai climbed down his boss's desk and slapped Haida. "WALMART. NOW! CAR ME. NOW!"

The two arrived at Walmart and Anai immediately ran over to the pharmacy, his expression was that of a friendly person with beaming eyes. "Hi, yes." He smiled. "I'm here to pick up my prescription for Anai, please."

"Sure, just give me a moment." Responded the nurse as she went to grab the prescription. "Anal topical cream for Anal?"

"IT'S ANAI!" Shrieked the badger. "AND YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO SAY OUT LOUD WHAT MY PRESCRIPTION IS ABOUT!" He grabbed a nearby chair and flung it into the counter's bulletproof glass only for the chair to bounce off and hit him back. "Fuck."

"Yeah, here." Continued the nurse. "Have a good day. Next!"

Anai left to go find his coworker.

Meanwhile, Haida bumped into Retsuko in the freezer aisle. "Hey! Fancy meeting you here, Rets!" He smiled at her. "I thought you were sick!"

"Hah, yeah. I am sick, but I forgot to get some groceries." In her basket was a huge box of beer and several bottles of vodka. Nothing else.

"Oh, having a party at your place?"

"No," she smiled. "I'm just an alcoholic."

The two awkwardly chuckled.

Suddenly Anai fell in through the ceiling screaming as police helicopters flew by shooting up the building. "COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!" They shouted. "ANAI. YOU ARE WANTED IN SIX HUNDRED DIFFERENT COUNTRIES FOR THAT ILLEGAL HAIRCUT YOU HAVE."

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" shrieked the terrified badger as he pulled out a grenade. "ALLAH IS THE LIGHT!" He chucked it onto the floor in front of a terrified Haida and Retsuko.

Nothing happened. The grenade turned out to be a pile of grapes.

A full thirty minutes of uncomfortable quietness passed.

"Take me home." Sighed Anai.

"Jeez!" Shrieked Haida. "NO! After all that! Just NO!"

"Take me home this instant OR I WILL BE MAKING ROADKILL HYENA SOUP TONIGHT!"

Haida reluctantly took the badger home before returning to work.

The entire office was on fire.

"You know what… next time, I'm going to call it a sick day like Rets."