Michael and Jason's New Goal

by Zoroark X

This crossover is parody of The Amazing World of Gumball Episode: "The Others". I hope you like it.

Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees met a few years ago and now they are besties. They became partners in crime and started to kill a lot of people together but they failed to kill Laurie Strode, her family, Tommy Jarvis and every other person that survived Michael and Jason. One morning they tried to kill am 8-year old girl in New York they got her in a dead end. She was scared, when Michael and Jason came closer, the girl asked: "Why do you want to kill me?" Michael and Jason stopped and they looked confused. Jason said: "You're right. You haven't done any dirty teenage stuff and you're not related to those who are responsible for my death."

Michael: "I do it because it makes me superior." He has charging to kill the girl but Jason stopped him and said: "Wait Michael. She has a point. I mean, look at us. The only thing we do is killing. We killed a lot of people but we always fail to kill our main targets. Maybe she's right. Maybe we should think about our lives and find a better goal." Michael thought about it and said: "You're right Jason. Killing is starting to get boring."

The girl: "Does this mean that you won't kill me?"

Jason: "Yes. You can leave."

After the girl left, Michael and Jason were wondering what to do until they saw a sad teenage girl with green long hair covering one of her eyes, a pink dress with yellow stripes, black pants and black shoes.

When Michael and Jason saw her, Michael asked a teenager coming nearby: "Hey, you."

The teenager looked at them and he pointed at himself asking: "Me?"

Jason: "Yeah, you. Who is the teenage girl with the green hair?"

The teenager: "Her name is Claire Cooper. She is the girl with the most interesting life in New York."

Michael: "What is interesting about her life?"

The teenager: "Everything. But unfortunately we'll all miss her because she will be leaving today."

Jason: "Why?"

The teenager: "Her family lost everything and they will have to move somewhere else. By the way what's with the costumes?"

Michael: "You don't want to know."

Jason turned to the teenager and said: "Will you excuse us for sec?"

The teenager: "Sure"

Michael and Jason went somewhere to talk and Jason said: "Michael. I think we found our goal. We'll help Claire."

Michael answered: "Why?"

Jason: "Think Michael. She's the girl with the most interesting life in New York. This can make us super famous."

Michael though about it and said: "You're right Jason. This could make me superior as well. Let's do it."

Jason and Michael went back to the teenager and they said: "Where is she going?"

The teenager: "She's going to school."

Jason: "Can you take us there, please?"

The teenager: "Sure."

The teenager took them to Claire's high school. When they arrived Michael said: "Thank you."

The teenager: "You're welcome. Why do you want to go there?"

Jason: "We have a job to do."

The teenager: "OK. Have a nice day."

Jason and Michael: "Bye."

After the teenager left, Michael and Jason entered the school but they weren't drawing much attention. After 5 minutes of searching they found Claire. She was talking to herself while her locker was opened: "Today is the worst day of my life. My dad has lost his job, we've lost our house and now we're forced to move back to Detroit. I only have one day to say goodbye to the ones I love. One last day to say goodbye *closes locker* to my so-called life."

As Michael and Jason stood behind her, Michael said: "But luckily two strangers were to change Claire's life forever." Claire heard that and saw Michael and Jason leaning against a locker, Michael continued to speak: "That's right: Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees. Michael was devastatingly, inhumanly beautiful, his body is like a classic painting crafted by an old master. And Jason was strong, powerful and decisive."

Claire asked with a confused face: "Uh, who are you?"

Michael: "Hello. We just introduced ourselves. Plus that we're famous in some places."

Claire: "Sorry but I never heard of you." She turned back to her locker and opened it again, and she continued to talk to herself: "The first person I needed to say goodbye to was my best friend, Wilson Bilson. *takes a paper from her locker and unfolds it to reveal a picture of Wilson who has a spiky hair and a muscular upper body, a skirt, heels and a majorette hat, as well as runny mascara.* Wilson always struggled with his identity-"

Michael: "But Michael and Jason will help Wilson find himself."

When she heard that, she turned to Michael and Jason, and said out loud: "It was going to be a tearful goodbye-"

Jason raised his voice and said: "But Jason and Michael will-"

Claire raised her voice and said: "Better get to it now, while I still have the strength in my heart!"

Clare slammed the locker door shut and walked off while she was dragging her hand to the lockers.

Michael: "Dude, this girl needs our help."

The girl from before came to them and said: "No, she doesn't." Michael and Jason were surprised to see her and Jason said with surprise in his voice: "What the-? What are you doing here?" The girl answered: "I saw you after I left and I heard your conversation. So, I followed you here. Also, you should be ashamed of yourself because you're interfering with life only to become famous, also she clearly doesn't want your help. You should act like real do-gooders and take responsibility, and…" But Michael interrupted her by stabbing her with his knife in the head, 10 times. Luckily for them, no one was around to see it.

Jason: "Michael. What the fuck did you do?"

Michael: "What? It's embarrassing to be scolded by a little girl."

Jason: "You're right. Let's hide the body. Then we will continue on helping Claire."

Michael and Jason hid the body without someone seeing them in a garbage container, covering it with garbage. Later they found Claire and Wilson sitting at the stadium and they sat near them without drawing attention.

Claire: "Oh, Wilson. Where is the good in goodbye?"

Jason whispered as he joked: "It's just before the bye!"

Wilson said with a sad face: "I don't know what I'll do without you. The cheerleader in me is so, 'Give me an S, give me an A, give me a D, what does it spell? Sad...' But at the same time the goth in me is all like 'Ugh, whatever', but the football player in me is all like *flexing his pecs* 'BROKEN HEART-ED' and the majorette in me gives a low, sad blast on his trombone."

After 5 minutes of silence Michael whispered: "Why he isn't making the noise?"

Claire felt pissed because of Michael and Jason's interference and she said with angry expression: "Ah, leave us alone! Don't you get it? This is not about you!"

Michael: "What?"

Claire: "I said that this is not about you."

Jason: "What?"

Claire: "Are you deaf?"

Michael: "No. We just don't listen to nonsense."

Claire: "Argh! *turning to Wilson* Goodbye."

Wilson waved goodbye to Clare while she stormed off. After that Michael pretended to be Claire again: "As I walked into the distance I realized that when I lost one friend, I had gained two strong and powerful that I will never forget."

Claire heard that and shouted: "CAN YOU AT LEAST LET ME VOICE MY OWN THOUGHTS?!"

Claire got her locker and thought: "Next I had to say goodbye to the person who told me everything I know... *takes an anatomy book from her locker* ...about anatomy: Mr. Corneille."

She entered the classroom where she found Mr. Corneille sitting at his desk

Mr. Corneille: "Ah, Miss Cooper. Like Shakespeare once said: "Parting is such sweet sorrow". And the womb's other name is uterus. Facts."

Claire came closer and said: "I wanted to thank you, Mr. Corneille."

Mr. Corneille: "If you only remember one thing I've taught you it's this: 'Question everything'."

Claire: "Why?"

Mr. Corneille: "No, don't question that. Question everything except that."

Claire: "So it's 'Question everything unquestioningly'?"

Mr. Corneille: "Yes, I think."

Claire: "But, what am I going to do without you?"

Mr. Corneille: "As long as you carry that book I gave you I will always be watching over you."

Claire: "Like, you mean in spirit?"

Mr. Corneille: "No, turn it over."

Clare turned the book, revealing a picture of Mr. Corneille on the book's back cover. Claire started crying, but she got interrupted by Michael who was aiming a fan directly to her face. Claire asked with annoyed face: "What are you doing?" Michael stopped the fan and answered: "Crying is contagious and we don't want to cry." After that Michael turned on the fan again but Claire threw it out the window and asked: "What do you want from me?" Jason answered: "We want to help you and become famous." Claire: "There's nothing you can do about it. And like I said before: 'This is not about you!'"

Jason: "We don't speak Idiotish."

After Claire screamed in frustration, Michael said: "See, the problem here is your attitude towards life. Jason, you'll be Clare, I'll be life."

Jason: "OK"

Jason got in front of Michael and Michael said: "Life is giving Clare a hard time. *slaps Jason* What is she doing about it?"

Jason (with whining, girly voice): "Oh no. I can't do anything. I guess I should give up."

Michael: "Let's try that again, but with the right attitude."

This time Jason blocked Michael's hit and swiftly threw him out the window, as Michael crashed into a car. After that Jason said: "Now, do you see the difference between fighting the odds and just moping about?"

Claire turned to Mr. Corneille and said: "Mr. Corneille, say something!"

Mr. Corneille didn't knew what to say, so he said with a nervous face: "Uh… the cervix is the lower portion of the uterus."

Claire said with annoyed face: "Ugh! I do not mope!"

While Jason was looking for Michael, Claire was walking in the corridor with a sad face looking into the ground until she bumped into one of her classmates: Nicole. Nicole is a cheerleader and one of the few girls who met and survived both Michael and Jason. She is Claire's second best friend.

Nicole: "Thank goodness I found you Claire. Listen, I know who are Michael and Jason, and I know about their new goal. Also, *whispering dramatically* you should let them help you."

Claire: "But they seem to have never helped anyone before in their life."

Nicole: "True. But they could kill you if don't do what they want."

Claire: "What do you mean?"

Nicole explained everything she knew about Michael and Jason. After Claire imagined what they did, she was shocked. After Claire and Nicole went in different ways, Claire was looking to see if Michael and Jason are following her, but they didn't, so she assumed that they gave up or they found someone else to bother, or they were fighting someone. Claire went to the food court and thought: "So now it was time for the hardest goodbye of all, Jared Dawson, the love of my-". When she opened the door she saw Michael and Jason with Jared, and she shouted with frustration: "OH, COME ON!"

Jason: "Jared, it's your only chance."

Michael: "You have to follow Claire to Detroit, ok?"

Jason: "But not straight away."

Michael: "Let her get all the way to the airport, then as she waits to board the plane and the last call for the flight is announced, you run to the airport in slow motion, you grab her hand, she sees the bracelet - the bracelet you made for her as a symbol of your love."

Jared asked with a confused face: "I'm sorry but who are you?"

Claire picked up Michael and Jason, and slammed them into the lockers, and she was clearly annoyed.

Claire: "Listen: this is not a story with a happy ending, okay? It's a story I write in my diary using my tears as ink."

Michael: "What's wrong with someone trying to help you?"

Claire: "You can't do anything about it. This isn't some amazing magic wonderland where everything has a happy ending, this is the real life and you don't get anything you want."

Jason: "You're probably right. We need to think about it."

Michael and Jason exit the school to think about the reality, and Michael realized something: "Wait a minute, we're two immortal psycho killers who are uncles and grand-uncles. There also cannibals like: Leatherface, Hannibal Lecter, Three Fingers and his family. Paranormal creatures like: Pennywise, Freddy Krueger and Chucky. And other killers like: Ghostface. Now who dares to say this world isn't amazing? The world is what you make it!"

Jason: "But she clearly doesn't want our help."

Michael: "Do you want to take orders or to give them?"

Jason: "This has nothing to do with helping Claire."

Michael: "You're right. Now let's go and give her a happy ending, whether she likes it or not."

Jason: "But how?"

Michael: "I got an idea. Follow me."

After Michael and Jason succeeded their plan, Claire got on the bus in rainy weather. She sat down and stared out the window, reflecting on her past in Elmore. She thought: "My eyes dropped pearls of sadness as I saw my past drift away into nothingness. I saw the swings where Wilson and I shared so much, the park where Jared—". She was interrupted by Michael and Jason who were running next to her.

Michael shouted: "Stop the bus! We fixed everything! Stop the bus!"

Claire ignored them and continued her thoughts: "—where Jared gave his heart to me. The picket fences on the streets, streets I walked a thousand times. Our old house, its "For Sale" sign mocking me from the front lawn."

After that thought, Michael and Jason tripped, and Claire continued to think: "I looked at my friends' houses, houses in which I'd never again laugh, in which I'd never again cry."

Michael and Jason were riding bikes while trying to catch Claire's attention but she continued to ignore them and thought: "But what if I gain from this loss? And what does that mean?" After she thought that, Michael and Jason crashed into a wall. Claire continued to think: "Maybe it doesn't mean anything. Anything at all." Then Michael was driving a car with Jason next to him trying to catch Claire's attention but it didn't work and they crashed into another car. After that Michael and Jason came out of the car and Michael said with anger: "That's it. She asked for it." Michael took out his phone, dialed a phone number and a dark voice answered: "Yes?"

Michael: "Hi. I need you to do me a favour."

Meanwhile Claire thought: "The only thing left to do is to stare at the rain. So I guess this is it. Goodbye New York, goodbye friends, goodbye life." After this thought, she looked on the road, the bus driver looked at the rear view mirror and shouted with shock: "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?" Claire looked behind her and saw Michael and Jason riding Pennywise. She was shocked to see that. Pennywise roared and flipped the bus (luckily no one was hurt), Pennywise took Claire out of the bus and roared. Claire asked surprised: "What's going on?"

Michael and Jason got of Pennywise, and Michael said: "The biggest happy ending of your life."

Michael, Jason and Claire turned to a crowd while a cheerful marching band track plays. In the crowd there were Claire's friends and family as well as Michael and Jason's friends.

Claire asked with confusion: "What?"

Michael shouted with megaphone: "You don't need to leave New York, we fixed everything for yooouu!"

Claire: "But how could you ever fix—"

Michael: "First. We asked a rich businessman to give your dad a new job as an engineer at his factory."

Claire: "But my dad isn't qual—"

Michael: "Qualified? Hah! He won't need a qualification when he will have a mentor. * uses the megaphone* Are you feeling happy Mr. Cooper?"

Mr. Cooper said hesitatingly: "Yes?"

Michael: "Hell yeah."

Claire asked: "But what about my—"

Jason: "Did you just say 'house'? Well, we robbed a thief who had a lot of stolen money and we used them to buy it back."

Michael: "And now, don't forget your old buddy Wilson, well when he saw me and Jason riding Pennywise down the freeway he realized that maybe he wasn't so strange after all." Claire looked at Wilson and he nodded with a smile, proving that they were right. Then Jason dragged Jared next to Claire and put crowns on their heads.

Michael: "By the way, Jared and Claire. *uses the megaphone again* YOU ARE NEW YORK'S PROM KING AND QUEEN, NOW AND FOREVER."

The crowd cheered and fireworks got off. Jared whispered to Claire, visibly unsettled: "Just go with it, these people are insane."

Michael: "TAKE THAT! MEGA-HAPPY ENDING, THANK YOU EVERYONE, THANK YOU NEW YORK! BOOM!" Michael threw the megaphone and everyone started to celebrate this happy ending.