Sansa, Theon and their movie

Disclaimer: I do not own anyone here.

"Hello, everybody!" Sansa Stark, the eldest daughter of the Stark family, did a jaunty little wave and a matching twirl, as Theon Greyjoy, the Stark family's ward, turned on the camera and indicated that they were good to go. "This is Sansa Stark! Us – that is me, and Theon, and the rest of our family – live in the North, where wilderness is right next door. Winter is almost here, and we will be showing you how it changes everyone's life around here, big and small. Now, where shall we begin?"

"Hello, sir," Theon said cheerfully to Ned Stark who wandered over in honest curiosity as to what two of his youngest were up to. "We're trying to make a nature documentary, about winter, of course-"

"That's really good," Ned replied cheerfully, since this was the sort of a movie he could get behind. "How's it going?"

"Dad, we just got started, we didn't get going anywhere!" Sansa protested with some vehemence, but not too much, since it was her father and everything. "Could you, I don't know, give us some space? I don't know where we're going, but we're probably starting small-"

"That could work," Ned nodded placidly, (it would take a lot more than just Sansa being a dramatic Sansa to rattle him). "See, here's the humble Westerosi caterpillar!" he pointed to the insect in question on one of the flower leaves. "It'd been eating leaves and flowers all summer long-"

"Isn't this your wife's prized flower beds?" Theon blinked.

"-and now that it's almost winter it will soon crawl away to make a cocoon, within which it will become a chrysalis, and in spring it will become a butterfly," Ned loftily ignored Theon's question; while he didn't hate Cat's prized flower beds, (because how can you hate a prized flower bed, really?), neither did he care much for them, or what they did to the Starks' front lawn, (don't ask). In Ned's opinion, a man's front lawn deserved just some maintained, well – mowed and watered – grass, nothing more, certainly not a bunch of fancy flowers that were colored purple. The butterflies and caterpillars that gravitated to them were the best thing that came out of them, in Ned's opinion, but he never told it to Cat, because he did not want to hurt her feelings…

"…This is nice," Sansa said sourly, clearly peeved that her and Theon's nature documentary became more of Theon and Ned bonding over documenting some caterpillars, (and she was not very fond of insects, parables be damned), "but let's now shoot something else!" she grabbed the camera from Theon and whirled around, looking for some new wildlife. Sadly, what she found was something else.

"Well, hello there!" Dany T, the Starks' next-door neighbour, (cough), waved cheerfully from over the hedge, (from her side of it). "Let us talk about the wintering habits of the Westerosi pond terrapin. When the winter comes, this little critter just dives down, down into the slick, cool mud and winters it there! See?" she pointed at the pond in question, where a terrapin did do just that.

Sansa abruptly put the camera recording on pause. "And what do you think that you're doing?" she glared at the shorter woman.

"Making a name for myself, of course!" Dany did not back down, as the blonde and the redhead continued to glare at each other very, very meanly. "What do you think that I'm doing?"

"Then go and make it somewhere else!" Sansa snapped.

"I am on my side of the hedge," Dany said dismissively, "and who are you to boss me around, you worthless, talentless hack?"

Sansa gave the camera back to Theon, jumped over the hedge, and she and Dany began to roll all over the lawn and in the turtles' pond too.

"So, what exactly is going on here?" Arya, the younger sister of Sansa, (and Ned's other daughter, of course), decided to join the party, (Theon had stopped filming, of course, 'cause that wasn't the sort of the movie he and Sansa were aiming for).

"Your sister is being her regular self," Ned just shook his head, as the latter continued to fight with Dany in the yard next door. "Could you go and get Jon?"

Arya nodded and turned around, before abruptly pausing and giving their father a look. Ned just shook his head in suffering.

"I mean," he repeated himself, "oh great assassin from Essos, the slayer of the Night King, can you go and get Jon?"

"That's better," Arya said grandly and sashayed off in search of her cousin.

"…If Arya is all of that," Theon said thoughtfully, after a pause, "then what does it make Jon?"

"I've no idea actually," Neddard admitted, "Maybe we should ask Bran instead?"

Before Theon – whose relationship with Bran had its' own complexities – could reply, there was a bit of a commotion, and several children, led by Rickon and Shireen, appeared on the scene. "Hi-hi!" Rickon brightly told his daddy. "What's up?"

"Oh, same old, same old," Ned told his youngest dismissively, even as he pointed his thumb at the still wrestling Dany and Sansa. "Arya went to get Jon."

"Sansa and I are actually making a wildlife movie, about winter," Theon added. "Want to join?"

"Could we?" Rickon and Shireen asked Neddard with sparkling eyes. "Really?"

"Well, that depends," Ned said grudgingly, (remembering that the movie was Sansa and Theon's, rather than his, so he really should not push it). "What do you want to talk about?"

"Hey, Theon! Point that camera up there!" Rickon and Shireen directed the older man up the slope, (video camera wise). "See the cave? It is a bat cave! Before winter, our Westerosi bats will zig and zag and eat as many insects as they can and then, when it's winter, they go into caves, attach themselves to the cave roof by their toes, and go to sleep!"

"Really? Remarkable!" Theon echoed, after exchanging a look with Ned that said that no one would go into the cave without adult supervision. "Young Rickon and Shireen, you got a good thing going!"

Plop! An acorn flew through the air and hit Theon in the head. "Or we could talk about the common Westerosi squirrel," Bran Stark commented from his wheelchair. "You know, how it scurries, scurries, scurries across the landscape, collecting nuts and storing them in its' tree hole home for winter. Maybe it has your own nuts too?"

"Nuh, I loaned them to you, because I know that whenever I'll need them, they'll be pristine and untouched," Theon smirked back. Bran abruptly stopped smirking, revved up the wheelchair and charged at Theon, who jumped up onto a tree branch and away from Bran's charge, which was now carrying him right at Arya, who was busy watching Jon keep Dany and Sansa apart, and so Bran slammed her in the butt instead. Sadly, the force generated by Bran carried Arya butt over head over the hedge – and into Dany's pool, into which she landed with a mighty splash.

"Help! Help! Essos' best Faceless assassin, the slayer of the Night King, cannot swim! She is drowning! Help! Help!" Arya shouted about herself in the third person as she splashed in the pond.

"Oh, for the sake of the Seven!" Jon, who already was busy with Sansa and Dany, sighed, let the older two women go, and went and fished Arya instead, before handing her over to Ned. "Da- uncle, help?"

"Don't mind if I do," Ned nodded cheerfully, (ever since the actual truth of Jon's parentage came out, the relationship between the two men became somewhat awkward for the obvious reasons), and this was the closest that the duo came to having a normal, non-awkward, discussion.

"Do what?" Cat, Neddard's wife, (and Jon's aunt, obviously, among other things), looking out of the window to see as to what the commotion was all about. She saw, and was not amused. "Oh dear," she commented instead, as she emerged from the house carrying blankets, towels, and what else have you. "Girls, let's have you dry up! You too Dany, so don't argue!"

"Ok," all three of the 'girls', including Dany, muttered and complied.

"Now, where were we?" Cat turned and asked no one in particular, but fortunately, Theon chose to answer:

"Well, I'm recording the good old Westerosi wild geese. Now that winter is coming from North of the Wall, they're flying south for its' duration, to the warm sunny days and silky soft nights," the young man commented, as he did do just that with the video camera, (that he was able to hold onto in all of the excitement).

"That they do, lad, that they do," Ned agreed, as the entire Stark family, (plus Dany), watched the wild geese do just that – the waterfowl, (reminiscent of Earth's Canada geese, FYI), flew, flew, and vanished from the sight over the southern horizon. "Us humans, on the other hand, tend to stay in our hometowns summer or winter, you know?"

There was no response as no one wanted to argue with Ned; Dany and Sansa, in particular, were busy shoving each other and sending each other to all of the seven Hells because of reasons, even as Cat was helping them, (and Arya), to dry after their adventure in the pond.

"Where were we?" Jon tried to fill in the awkward pause.

"Well, I believe that we were talking about the good old Westerosi wild hare, the one over there," Theon played along, indicating the creature in question as it emerged from the local Godswood.

The other men, (including Bran) looked in this direction, and sure enough, the wild hare, (rather reminiscent of the snowshoe hare of Earth), was sitting there, twitching its ears as well as its' whiskers and looking around.

"Aw!" all the women present, including Cat, (the eldest Mrs. Stark could appreciate the rugged Northern nature, thank you very much), said as one. The hare blinked, looked around, saw its' white fur, (Winter was coming, after all), saw that everything beyond the Godswood wasn't snow-white just yet, (Winter was in no rush, apparently), and quietly backed back into the Godswood, (where it wasn't as obvious with its bright white fur because of the bright white birches – Westeros had its' wild birch trees, thank you very much, just as Earth did).

"Aw!" the women repeated themselves with some regret, but then the hare came back.

"Aw!"

…And a bear followed it. A Westerosi black bear, which is more reminiscent of Earth's American black bear than the Asian one. There was a pause, and then all of the humans just up and fled into the Chateau Stark, let us call it that, with Theon and Jon carrying Bran inside, just in case his wheelchair does not deliver.

Actually, it did – to the bear: the big animal picked up the abandoned piece of technology and carried it back to its' den, where it used it as a sleeping pillow for the winter – but that was another story. In this one, well…

"Well, this was a disaster," Sansa muttered to Theon as the duo danced before the fireplace in the Chateau Stark; (we are still calling it that). "All I wanted was to make a movie; instead, we got I know not what."

"Well, we know who didn't get what – the bear Bran," Theon commented, even as Bran quietly steamed, (while his parents got him his replacement wheelchair, they had one for just such an emergency, and no one, not even Jon, opted to comment on that). "Ergo, it's still a win for the team Stark."

"Yes, but, still," Sansa tried to argue, when it began to snow outside – for real. In Westeros, when it snowed, it really snowed, and before long, the Stark family was truly snowed in.

"Oh look, I'm stuck," Dany commented to Jon, brightly.

Sansa, who had views about this relationship, practically burst into tears, but her upset was too prematurely, as soon enough Jaime and Brienne Lannister-Tarth arrived on their purple and gold snow plow, and plowed open the path to and from Chateau Stark, (yes, that is its' name). Sansa was never so grateful – but that is also another story.

End.