As long as you try, a harry potter fanfic

Written for The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition

[Season 9] - Round 8: What Comes Next?

Team: Chudley Cannons

Position: Beater 1 - Write about someone trying to start over.

Bonus Prompts:

11. (word) reality

15. (word) unexpected

Written for Chudley Cannon Team Challenge

Prompt: Post your story before the deadline.

Thanks to Ashleigh for betaing!

TW: transphobia and misgendering

Word count: 2373

.:lll:.

Teddy sat in their room at the Potters, staring at nothing in particular. They were home from Hogwarts for the Winter Holidays and almost regretted not staying at school.

They had been living with the Potters for almost a year during the Holidays while Andromeda had been in the hospital, but this… this was too permanent.

They were still grieving the passing of Andromeda, the one person who had always been there for them, and the only person who knew they were non-binary.

The funeral had only been a couple of weeks ago, and Teddy would have to spend a Christmas without Andromeda for the first time ever.

And no one seemed to understand them. Not like she had.

Someone carefully opened the door of their new bedroom. Harry. He had been so worried about them for the last few weeks. Teddy faked a smile, but quickly dropped it.

Harry closed the door behind him, sat next to Teddy and put a hand on their knee. Teddy hoped he would say something to cheer them up, or at least something so Teddy could open up. But Harry just kept opening and closing his mouth.

"I miss Grandma," they said after the silence became too much. If she was here, she would support them as they came out and hex anyone who dared misgender them.

Harry nodded slowly. "I know. But it gets better. At some point. And you're such a strong boy. I know you'll be okay."

Teddy sank on the bed.

Harry hesitated, then sighed loudly. "I'm here to talk, if you need it, alright?"

Teddy opened and closed their mouth, making Harry wait a few more moments. But when they didn't say anything, he got up to leave, and just as he put his hand on the door handle, Teddy spoke quickly.

"I'm non-binary."

Harry turned around slowly. "You're what?"

"Non-binary," they repeated, not sure what to make of Harry's tone.

"What even is that?"

Teddy hesitated, really not liking Harry's tone. They felt their heart rate quicken. "A gender. My gender. I'm neither a boy nor a girl, but something else entirely."

Harry scratched the back of his head; his eyebrows were furrowed. "You can't know that. You're only seventeen, and… you're confused. There's just a lot of hormones in you right now, making you think stupid things. There's no such thing as… that."

"Yes there is," Teddy said, tears stinging in their eyes. "Harry, I've been thinking about it for a very long time, and I feel better being non-binary. It feels better than being a boy… or a girl."

"It's not normal."

"Yes, it is," they said, but wished they hadn't said anything to begin with. Harry was one of the three people who understood them the best, and if he couldn't accept Teddy, then what would everyone else think?

Harry paced the room. "There's only two genders, so you need to get this nonsense out of your head! You're a boy, so start acting like one, otherwise you can't live here."

Harry stopped suddenly, shocked at his own unexpected outburst, only realizing a moment too late what he had said.

But the words felt like knives to Teddy's heart. This wasn't what they wanted. Teddy had just hoped they could be allowed to live life and be true to themself. Like Andromeda had made them promise. But this… it wasn't fair.

Harry ran from the room, and minutes later, Teddy heard the floo activating.

.:lll:.

They stepped though the floo and ended up in the living room of Shell Cottage. It hadn't really been their plan, but they didn't know where else to go.

Fleur and Louis were sitting on the couch, painting each other's nails. They could hear Bill cooking in the kitchen, red beef, presumably.

"Good afternoon, Fleur. Louis," Teddy greeted politely.

"Good afternoon, Teddy," Fleur said and flashed them a smile. They were suddenly struck by the similarity between her and Victoire.

"I hope it's okay I'm stopping by," they quickly said.

Fleur blew air on Louis' nails, then turned to them. "Of course. Victoire is in her room."

They nodded. "Thank you."

Teddy walked through the house to Victoire's bedroom. Before they became official, Teddy would sometimes sneak into her room through the window and they would stay up all night, just laying close together and talk about everything.

The cottage was decorated exactly as one would imagine. It had a prominent sea-theme, with beautiful art made from things found at the beach thanks to Dominique — Teddy had always known she would be in Ravenclaw. The cottage also had French touches because of Fleur, and a homey feel because of Bill.

They stopped in front of Victoire's room and took a deep breath.

The silencing charm on the room broke when Teddy opened the door. Victoire was sitting by her desk with her back to them and had a guitar in her arms. She played a few cords while humming and took short breaks to write on a piece of parchment on her desk.

Victoire loved music, and probably played more instruments than Teddy could name on the top off their head. She also loved singing and had the most beautiful voice they had ever heard.

Teddy quietly closed the door behind them and recast the silencing charm.

She was tapping her foot on the floor, and bobbing her head up and down. Her hair was pulled into a messy bun. The scene captured one of Teddy's favourite aspects about her; one where she was relaxed, and fully in her element.

Victoire turned around in her chair and started as she saw them. "Teddy!" she exclaimed with a big smile. But it slipped from her face as she saw their expression. "Hey." Victoire walked up to them, took their hand and her pulled fingers through their brown hair.

It was always brown when they were upset.

"Harry and I had a fight." They wiped their nose with the back of their hand.

"Oh." She squeezed their hand. "Come here."

Victoire dragged Teddy to her bed, where she let them bury their nose in her neck and pull her close. But Teddy wasn't comforted by it — not like they usually would, because what if it all went away? What if Victoire would leave them, if she knew who they truly were, just like Harry had?

Victoire didn't ask what happened, and Teddy wouldn't have known what to answer.

.:lll:.

Teddy had their back to the door as it opened an hour later.

They had been alone in the room, wrapped in her yellow blanket, because Victoire had gone to dinner. But now she crossed the room and sat next to them on the bed, then put a comforting hand on their shoulder.

Someone else closed the door.

Harry cleared his throat. "Hey, Teddy."

Teddy tensed and curled further into themselves on the bed. They didn't want this. Not more yelling, no more hurtful words especially in front of Victoire.

Harry continued. "I'm really sorry about earlier. I was wrong for saying the things I did, and I'm sorry for hurting you. I think I understand now what you told me, and… I'll keep trying to learn more."

They could tell Harry was choosing his words carefully.

He continued. "I want you to know that you are welcome at home, just as you are."

There was a long silence, but Teddy didn't know what to say. They did want to just go with Harry and forget the whole day happened, but it still hurt, and that didn't go away just because he apologized.

"Do you want to come home with me?" Harry asked slowly.

Teddy shrugged the best they could while lying down.

Victoire spoke with a calm voice. "You're welcome to stay here if you need to."

They squeezed their eyes shut to keep from crying and nodded. The silence stretched in the room. Victoire was gently stroking their shoulder, and after a few moments, Harry cleared his throat.

"I can understand that." He probably paused to run his hands through his hair. "You can come back anytime you want, and if you forgot anything in your room, I'll get it to you. Okay?"

Teddy nodded again, and waited until Harry had left the room before crawling into Victoire's open arms.

.:lll:.

A week passed before Teddy got another visit from Harry.

Teddy had been sitting on the bed, listening to Victoire practising the flute when there was a knock on the door, and moments later, Harry had entered, clutching a journal in his hands.

Teddy had spent the last week thinking about what Harry had said, and tried to determine whether he had been sincere or not. Harry could have changed his mind, although it seemed unlikely in only a few hours, but he could also just have said it to make Teddy come back so he could change their mind.

Although, Teddy did know they weren't prepared to see Harry again so suddenly, and they lowered their gaze.

Victoire stood between them. "Is there anything you want?" she asked politely.

Harry hesitated. "I found something I wanted to show. It won't make what I said okay; this has nothing to do with that. But I thought it would make Teddy happy to see it. Alone."

Teddy frowned. If Harry wanted them to look at it alone, it would have something to do with them being non-binary, and that meant Victoire couldn't know. They were suddenly curious as to what was so important, Harry needed them to see it right now.

"It's okay, Victoire," they said.

She glanced at them for confirmation, then walked out of the room and closed the door behind her. The tension in the room doubled.

Harry cleared his throat. "When Grandpa Lyall passed away last year while you were at school, all his things were given to Andromeda; including some of your dad's old stuff from his school days."

Teddy's jaw dropped. They stared at the journal in Harry's hands; had that belonged to their dad? Had he spent nights in the Gryffindor dorm, writing in it? Or had he used it for notes in class? Maybe for something else entirely. Their fingers itched to just grab it.

"There was never really a good time to show you, because shortly after Andromeda…" Harry flushed and ran his hand through his hair. "Anyway. It had been stored at her house until now, and I don't know why, but I felt like it was important. Then I found this." He lifted the journal.

"Dad's journal?"

Harry nodded eagerly, probably excited that Teddy was speaking to him again. "Exactly. I read through it, and I found something I think will make you feel a bit better."

Teddy had no idea what it could be. But that didn't stop their mind from wandering. What could their dad have written about in a journal during his school days, which would make them feel better?

Harry continued carefully. "So, you know how your dad and Sirius used to date?"

They nodded. Andromeda had revealed it to them a while back. Teddy had been in complete shock, but she had just laughed about the fact that Teddy could ever think their dad was straight. He was bisexual, it turned out.

Harry opened the journal and flicked through the pages, before landing on a specific one and handing it to Teddy.

5th of February 1977.

I'm on the verge of falling asleep as I'm writing this, but I couldn't wait. Sirius is my favourite person in the entire world. They stayed with me in the Hospital Wing today instead of going to Hogsmeade with Prongs and Wormtail. He even asked the House Elves to bake that chocolate cake I love.

Sirius just… makes me feel great. I love being around him. They make me feel happy and loved and everything else that's good.

I love them.

I hope he's my forever person.

Teddy stared at the journal, not quite believing their own eyes.

Harry hurried to explain. "Sirius uses he/they pronouns, apparently. And I was thinking, that if your dad loved… them so much, then he would also love you."

Teddy nodded absently, reading the same sentence over and over. I love them. They could almost imagine their dad saying that to someone about them. Slowly, the reality of what Harry had said got to them. Teddy closed the journal and clutched it against their chest.

"Do you… do you think Mum would feel the same way?" Teddy asked, staring into Harry's eyes.

Harry smiled softly. "Your mum was one of the greatest people I know. She never took shit from anyone. The only thing I'm unsure about is whether her, or your dad, would be first in line to defend you."

Teddy nodded, a little smile forming on their lips. They hadn't even realized how much they had needed to hear this.

Harry glanced at them before carefully speaking. "I really am sorry about the things I said when you came out. I didn't understand what it meant, and I overreacted… I've tried researching the best I could, and I don't think I fully understand what it all means, but I do know that I will do everything to make up for it. And I will use whichever pronouns you prefer, and a new name if you have that."

Teddy paused, briefly remembering the words Andromeda had told them right before passing away.

It won't always be easy, and it might take time, but the right people will love you, for who you are.

She had been right, of course. Maybe things could get better, and it did seem as if Harry was at least trying to understand. It felt nice. Knowing that someone would have their back in case the rest of the family reacted the same way as Harry had.

They felt themselves lighten up. "I like the name Teddy, and I use they/them."

Harry smiled too. "I'll use those, then. Are you… do you feel ready to come back with me?"

Teddy nodded and got up from the bed, still clutching the journal. "Can we look at more of dad's things?"

.:lll:.