Riley, Farkle, Lucas, and Smackle were sitting together at the cafe owned by Riley's mother one afternoon. As the four teens were doing their homework together Smackle said, "So shouldn't Maya be here by now?" Then Riley said, "She should be here soon. She said that she had some serious news to tell us." Then Maya walked into the cafe and looked at her friends as she said, "Hey guys. So... my life just completely turned upside down recently. You know how I said I was gonna talk to my dad and visit his new family. Well... it turns out I have a half sister around my age I never knew about, and since my dad is sick now, she's gonna live with me now. Everyone... I want you meet my half sister." A blonde teenager that looked similar to Maya stepped in and said, "Hi everyone. I'm Maya's long long sister Mary Sue Hart." Riley then stood up and said, "It's nice to meet you Mary Sue. I'm Maya's best friend Riley. So how are you doing with suddenly moving to a new place." Then Mary said, "Oh, it's great. I've traveled all around the world, and met so many people, so coming here is no big deal." Then Mary walked over to look at what Farkle was reading. Riley then looked at Maya confused as she said, "Maya, why is your sister acting so chill for someone's whose father is ill and is now living in a brand new place?" Maya shrugged and said, "Beats me."
Then Mary looked at Farkle's textbook he was looking at and said, "Ooo. Advanced calculus. I remember when I took that class four years ago." Then a wide eyed Farkle said, "You took advanced calculus four years ago!?" Then Mary smiled as she said, "Yes. It was a little something fun I did before I started interning at NASA." Then Mary looked at a sports book Lucas was reading and said, "Ooo. And that history of football plays book, I read when I was six. It really helped prepare me for when I helped my high school football team win the state finals!" Then a confused looking Lucas said, "Wait. You play football?" Then Mary said, "Of course. Oh my. I just realized. Lucas, Farkle. I have so much in common with both of you. This is going to indeed force a romantic triangle between us three!" A confused looking Farkle then said, "Um... no, it isn't. I'm dating Smackle and very happy with her." Then Lucas raised an eyebrow as he said, "Yeah, and I'm dating Riley." Then Mary looked up as she put her hands on her chest and said, "Oh my. It's worse than a love triangle. It's a love pentagon! Oh, which handsome boy will I wind up snatching away from their first love!? Undoubtedly, my first choice will be wrong, and I will spend a long season feeling tortured before I run into the hands of the right man. But for the boy that winds up being the wrong choice, don't worry. I will still have our baby, and try as hard as possible raising them without letting you know the child is yours." Everyone in the room starred at Mary with confused faces as Riley looked at Maya and said, "Are you sure she's your half sister?"
The next day at school: the bell rang as many teenagers walked around the high school heading to their next class. Cory was grading several papers at his desk, when Mary stepped in wearing a short skirt. Mary then walked towards Cory as she said, "Oh Mr. Matthews, I have something so important to discuss with you." Cory then said, "Yes Mary Sue. Are you enjoying your first day at Abigail Adams High School?" Mary then closed the door behind her as she titled her head down and said, "No. My heart feels terrible because there's something I want but cannot have... YOU Mr. Matthews!" Cory backed up lookingconfused as he said, "What?" Mary then moved towards Cory as she said, "I know it's wrong Mr. Matthews. I'm a student. You're a teacher. But don't you feel it? There's an attraction, a spark, and a lust we both feel for each other. I know you must feel it too." Then Mary began to pull down her skirt, but then Cory jumped up, opened the door, and yelled, "Miss Hart, you will go to the principal's office immediately due to your inappropriate conduct immediately!" Mary looking confused then said, "Huh?"
Later that day Maya and Mary were sitting in Maya's bedroom together. Maya looked at Mary upset as she said, "You got suspended on your first day of school Mary!? My God, what were you thinking!?" Mary titled her head down and said, "I'm sorry. It's hard to think because... I'm dying!" Maya backed up as she raised one eyebrow and said, "What the heck are you talking about?" Mary put her hands together as she looked up and said, "I got the news several months ago. I have less than a year to live, and I simply wish to do everything I've ever wanted to do with what little time I have left!" Maya then pointed one finger up and said, "Uh, when you moved in with us, I saw your medical records. You're not dying of anything right now." Then Mary looked at Maya and said, "You're right. I just wanted you to feel more sympathy for me, so we could grow closer, because... I'm in love with you Maya!" Maya now looked very freaked out as she said, "Where did that come from!?" Mary then leaned towards Maya as she said, "I know it's taboo. We're both sisters, but please Maya. Let us explore our sexuality in one wonderful night of unforgettable passion!" Then Maya stood up looking scared and said, "Why the heck would you think I'd be okay with that!?" Then Mary looked at Maya with awe as she said, "Oh, I see. You're saving yourself for Riley, for the one special epic coming out event where you two finally share with each other those feelings we all know you two have for each other!" Maya looked a bit flustered as she said, "What!? I... I don't... Ugg. Look, all I know is that we are sleeping in separate rooms tonight!" Then Maya walked out of the room.
Riley was in her apartment when she heard a knock on her door. Riley answered the door and saw Mary. Riley looking confused said, "Mary, what are you doing here?" Mary looking upset said, "Me and Maya aren't getting along. So I thought I'd come to you for advice. I don't mean to both you; especially for what your family has already done for me." Riley looking confused said, "What are you talking about? What has my family has already done for you?" Then Mary said, "Well didn't you know? When I was a baby, I was trapped in a burning building, and your mother saved me from the flames with her last breathe. I always promised that I would repay the favor to that brave woman's daughter if I ever was given the chance." Riley looking confused said, "What do you mean by her last breathe? My mom is still alive." Then Mary said, "Are you sure she's your mom though? Have you ever considered your father re-married your mother's long lost twin and never told you?" Then Auggie and Ava walked in through the door as Auggie said, "Hey Riley." Then Ava said, "Who's your new friend here?" Then Mary looked at Auggie and Ava and smiled as she said, "Aww. It's the cutest couple in the world. Here kids. I have a gift for you." Then Mary pulled out from the hallway a large metal canon and put it in front of Ava and Auggie. Then Auggie looking confused said, "What's this for?" Then Mary said, "To protect you and Ava's relationship. It's the only one that's truly protected by canon!"
Riley, Maya, Lucas, Farkle, and Smackle pushed Mary onto a bus as Mary said, "Are you sure you five don't want to come with me?" Then Maya said, "No, no. You deserve this three month long cross country experience. You'll learn more from traveling than staying in New York." Then Mary said, "Okay then. Bye!" Then Mary got on the bus, and then bus drove away. The five teenagers then jumped into the air and Riley yelled, "Yay! She's gone!" Then Maya happily said, "We can finally get back to normal!" Then Mary said, "So what are we gonna do next today guys!?" Then the five teens jumped up as they saw Mary had just appeared in front of them. Then Lucas said, "But Mary, we just put you on the bus. How did you appear here?" Then Mary said, "Oh, well I was on the bus, and had a great trip exploring the country. But then I fell into a rift in the space time continuum and wound up back here at this moment!" Then Farkle looking freaked out yelled, "How is that possible!? Nothing about that makes logical sense. Things like that don't happen in our universe." Then Mary said, "Well they do in a fanfiction universe."
The five teens suddenly looked confused as Riley said, "What do you mean by fanfiction universe?" Then Mary said, "Well don't you all realize? This isn't the real world. This is a fanfiction world, starring me: the most obvious fanfiction character ever. I mean come on. I'm a girl who is related to a main character, I'm super smart, super emotional, and I exist to make forced romantic drama happen. I mean, are you guys telling me you didn't realize you're in a fanfiction?" The five teens looked very scared as Lucas said, "Oh my gosh! We're not real!" Then Riley put her hands on her face as she said, "If we're not alive, does this mean when we die, there's no heaven for us to look forward to?" Then Maya fell to the ground and said, "Oh dear God. We are but shadows of our real selves." Then Mary held her hands up and said, "Quiet! Guys, listen. Yes, you all just exist in a fanfiction universe. Yes, you all are essentially just copies of your selves. However the real world your original selves come from is a reality controlled by networks, target demographics, and censors. Fan-fiction universes though allow people to break from those limitations, and are allowed to further grow, live more complex lives, and try new experiences their original selves could not. You all may be just be copies of your original selves in this fanfiction reality, but fanfiction realities allow you to live fuller, richer, and more open-ended lives; and thus you are more real here then your original selves ever were."
The five teens looked more calm now as Riley said, "Wow. I never thought about it like that." Then Mary sighed and said, "Too bad it doesn't matter because the fanfiction story is about to end, and when it does: this specific fanfiction universe and all of you will cease to exist." The five teens looked scared again as Maya said, "Oh God, no! Please Mary Sue. Help us save this reality! We can start a love octagon if you want. We can look for my rumored long lost cousin. I'll kiss Riley and we can even act like Lucas has a thing for Farkle! Please don't let our reality end!" Then Mary took out a small communicator device and said, "Sorry. But I gotta go transport myself to other fanfiction universes, where my name will probably be changed so I can be someone else's long lost sibling, mysterious lover, secret love child, or something else crazy like that." Then Riley said, "But our fanfiction universe is about to end! Don't leave us!" Then Mary said, "Eh, there's over 4,000 fanfiction universes starring you guys; and that's not the counting the M-rated ones. Ooo. Maybe, I'll get to be someone's lover in one of those next. Meow!" Then Maya yelled, "No Mary. Let us live!" Then Mary opened up her communicator device and said, "Scotty, beam me to the next fanfiction universe!" Then in a beam of light Mary disappeared as the five teenagers screamed in pain. Then the story and the universe ended.
THE END!