Author's Note:
this story takes place approximately 3 years after the end of season 5. the episode "things change" has been excluded from the narrative,
making "titans together" the last event. thank you so much for clicking in, and i hope you enjoy!
originally posted to Ao3 on November 30th, 2017
The long grass hissed as yet another warm breeze swept through the field. He felt it bend against his arms and tickle the skin on his sides where the bottom of his shirt had left the flesh exposed. The breeze felt light against his bare feet, and he inhaled the scent of grass, wildflowers and distant ocean air. It left him feeling comforted as though the very environment was welcoming him back after a long, exhausting summer.
Gar waited another long moment before opening his eyes. Above him, the tips of the grass stretched to touch a bright blue sky, and fat, lazy clouds drifted through the air miles beyond their reach. His right ear twitched as yet another breeze rolled through, and the voice of the field rose again, whispering softly to the trees. A large bumblebee drifted into the open space above him. He watched it, silent and still as the clumsy little insect drifted down to land in the area between his eyes.
"Hey, tiny dude," he muttered, letting his eyelids slide half-closed. The bee crawled up the bridge of his nose. He couldn't help but smile a little, resisting the instinct to chuckle. "Sorry. I know I'm green, but I'm not a flower. Or grass. Or… any plant."
He heard a faint buzz off to his right, but it hadn't come from a bee. Slanting his gaze, he spotted the soft light emitting from his phone's screen. A text message. Followed by a second one. He wiggled his nose, and the bee took to the air, hovering for only a moment before it ventured off in search of something more satisfying. Gar watched it go before pulling his arms out from behind his head and snatching his phone out of the grass. He rolled onto his side, sliding the screen unlocked.
[rust bucket, 5:43pm]: hey man you in city yet?
[rust bucket, 5:43pm]: no rush just checkin in.
[alligartor, 5:44pm]: yep! just outside the city line or whatev. gotta make a stop then i'll be back.
He inhaled deeply, sitting himself up. The field was long and open, a few trees dotting the spaces just before the forest line started. From here he could see the single swing hanging from the furthest tree swaying slowly in the breeze, as though gently pushed by a ghost. Gar watched it, feeling the weighted tug of melancholy pull the ribs in his chest.
August had always had this haze to it. For most people, any sense of sadness seemed to come from summer's departure... school creeping around the corner or a bit of seasonal depression as plants began to die, and birds left for the winter. He felt that, too. The emptiness of the air without birdsong and how barren, muted, the world felt after autumn's colors had passed. Reaching the end of August was like entering the gateway to all that. And, for him, it clutched a tender area of his heart.
His phone buzzed in his hand, shaking him from the thought.
[rust bucket, 5:46pm]: cool. see ya then. be ready for pizza.
Gar smiled, setting his phone aside and leaning to grab his shoes. He tugged them back on, grabbed his phone and rolled to his feet, taking a few seconds to stretch his arms and back. His backpack slumped where he'd left it, just a few feet from the spot he'd settled into maybe a half hour ago. He tucked his phone through the small opening on the side and zipped it shut, slinging the pack onto his back. Once he was sure the straps were loose enough not to restrain him he ducked, morphing into a small pterodactyl. The colors and shapes around him shifted, sharpening to a new vibrancy, and he pushed into the air with practiced ease.
It took a few minutes to reach the entrance to the caverns. Gar landed just at the mouth, shifting back and pausing only a moment to tighten the straps on his backpack again.
He'd walked these tunnels enough times not to need the full help of animal eyes. There were always a few times he'd trip-the tips of his shoes catching loose stone or a rise in the ground-but memory would guide him forward.
The caverns had an energy to them. He could feel it, but he couldn't place it. Just that his chest would tighten and his mind grew more alert, aware every sound that echoed in the space around him. He sometimes wondered if the energy was… her, somehow. Not quite a ghost and not entirely gone, either. It comforted him but, also, made the guilt that clung to his chest cling even tighter. It meant she was trapped down here in this lonely, makeshift tomb. A free spirit like her should never be trapped anywhere. It was agonizing… he knew that better than most people.
Gar slowed to a stop, blinking, so his eyes changed to an owl's. Instantly, every available sliver of light came to his aid. He could see the uneven walls of the cavern and the path ahead, the change in color on the dirt floor to indicate there would be more natural light soon. He'd nearly reached the center room. Gar took a moment to breathe, sliding his pack off his shoulders and setting it on the ground in front of him. He unzipped it with a gentleness he hadn't had before, peering inside. He could see the outlines of the couple of clothes he'd packed, the shape of his trusty hammock, the corner of his 3DS and the still intact bouquet of flowers. A few of the delicate blue petals had fallen off and sprinkled the other contents of the pack, but he was relieved to find that the bouquet had survived the trip here. He pulled them out with care, taking another small moment to examine them in full before absently slinging the pack back over his shoulder. He blinked twice, allowing his eyes to return to their previous state.
The caverns opened up into a larger space, where a few cracks and holes in the 'ceiling' provided thin rays of sunlight and slightly warmer air. She stood in the center, arms open and eyes tilted to skies she couldn't see. At the space between her feet was a large vase; the old flowers were wilted and blackened, their crumbling petals scattered beneath the weak stems. He felt his heart sink, a weight fall slowly onto his shoulders, but closed the distance to her.
"Hey, Tara," he said quietly, slowing to a stop just in front of the plaque they'd made for her years ago. "Sorry, I'm a few days late. Things back in Michigan got a little, uh…"
He felt himself trail off, sighing in the place of words.
"...-anyway, um. I brought you some new flowers! These are really nice. I know I usually get you something red, but… I dunno." Gar shrugged, letting his backpack slide off his arm and leaning forward. He dragged the vase to him and removed the old flowers, stuffing them into his open pack and dusting the old petals away from the stone. Carefully, he pulled the new bouquet from their paper wrapping and settled them into the vase.
"They're tulips and… uh… hy… hyacinth? I think I said that right. -They're really cool-they've got these little bell-petal things. And they smell awesome."
He paused for a response that wouldn't come. It just felt appropriate… giving whatever may linger there a moment's silence.
"Rachel told me to get this little 'nutrients mix' or whatever to put in the water, too," he continued, producing a water bottle and small paper packet next. "She said it'd help the flowers last longer. I know they don't get a lotta light down here, but… I dunno. She's usually right about these kinda things."
He smiled up at her, unscrewing the cap from the bottle. He poured the powder into the bottle and closed it again, giving it a couple quick shakes to ensure it'd been thoroughly mixed, then delicately held the stems aside to pour the water into the vase.
"Can you believe I actually graduated? Heh. Aliens; totally one-hundred percent a thing-we kinda lived with one. Dudes who can fly or punch you into Canada; see it every day. ...me, passing high school? There must be a monkey somewhere I didn't know I was the uncle of, huh?"
His already weak grin faded, the joke hanging and crumbling in the followed silence. Gar sighed, leaning away from the vase and capping the remaining water as he muttered, "I gotta stop doing that…"
Quiet settled over the empty room again as he placed the bottle back in his pack, zipping it closed.
"... I'm glad there's no school this year," he finally said, looking up at her briefly before letting his eyes sink back to the white and blue flowers. "And… I'm glad to be back, here. Helping the Patrol out with things every couple months is cool and all; this summer was just… …-I feel better. Being back in Jump City. Y'know?"
He felt like a jerk just saying it, even if it was true. Gar shrugged, letting his arms drop to his sides.
"I, uh… I'd… -I want to stay longer, Tara, but. The others are waiting for me to get back. They wanna go out, get some food." He hesitated for a long moment before reaching down and picking up his backpack, tugging it back over his shoulders. "I'll be back soon. And I'll say 'hi' to everyone else for you. Give Kori a really big hug, Vic one of your awesome high fives and wave at Rachel. Maybe she'll wave back."
He grinned up at her, managing to hold the expression for a second or two before it slowly sank away. Even now, years later, it was still hard to pry his feet from this spot at the end of his visit. It felt wrong, leaving her here. It always had. So he stood for a while, just staring up at her in the cavern's steady silence.
By the time he left the caves, he had realized just how sore, tired and hungry he was. He'd been traveling since early afternoon the previous day, jumping between buses and flying with his own two wings, making pit stops at small diners or gas stations to grab food and drink when needed. The trip from Michigan to California definitely wasn't the worst or longest he'd ever been on, though, and he enjoyed it. There was an odd kind of thrill to napping on the bus rides, chilling in the diners and watching the various landscapes, homes, and buildings pass beneath him as he flew. Sometimes he thought about them as he glided overhead... wondered what kinds of lives they lead. Were they happy? Safe? ...he hoped so.
Gar took to the skies again, this time falling back onto a familiar route. Following the coast, it didn't take long for the large, looming T to fade into view. The sight was a fleeting comfort.
He knew they'd all ask about summer. They'd ask because they cared, of course, but… it was a bit more complicated than 'summer good!' or 'summer bad!' (although the former was exactly what he was going to tell them). For the past three years, he'd been making this trip, trying to formulate an answer during his journey back to California. And, each time, once he was on the spot he'd stutter. Somehow, he seemed to convince them or, at least, 'satisfy' them. But it was getting harder and harder with every return.
As Gar glided towards the Tower roof, he cast a glance to the island below and felt a bubble of happiness rise in his chest. Kori's garden was flourishing; he could see an array of colors and shapes blanketed among the rocks and grass below, blending with the few trees the island had. He was almost jealous of Vic and Rachel-that they'd gotten to help her nurse and grow it over the summer-but, mostly, he was happy. She'd struggled with it the previous year and become disheartened. Now, it looked better than ever.
With a slow breath, he lowered from the air and dropped towards the roof. He swerved upward to straighten himself, morphing back and grunting as his shoes hit the cement. His backpack threw him off balance for only a moment, and he tugged the straps to tighten them into place.
"Welcome back."
The voice, soft-spoken as it'd been, made him jump a little. His ear flicked, and he turned toward the West end of the roof and realized why he hadn't heard footsteps or any clue of approach. Rachel hovered a few feet off the ground just in the West end's center, her presence silent as a shadow. Her legs were neatly folded in their usual meditation criss-cross, and her palms rested on her knees. She was looking towards him, now, her expression calm and neutral. But he could feel a small sense of warmth radiating from her, calming the anxious twist in his gut.
He grinned, dropping his arms to his sides and taking a few steps towards her. "Would've taken the front entrance if I'd known you were up here."
"No, you wouldn't've," she said, one of her brows rising just slightly. Gar pocketed his hands, his grin softening as he shrugged.
"Y'got me there." He paused, then raised his hand in a small wave. "...hey."
"Hi," she returned, rotating in the air to better face him. "You're running late. I'm surprised Vic hasn't blown up your phone with texts. Unless he has…?"
"Nah," he said, glancing off the roof and over the open ocean. It glimmered under the sun's touch, some patches of the restless water dotted by shadows of clouds. He could hear the steady growl of waves rolling against the island below them. "He, uh. He knew I was gonna drop by and visit Tara on my way here."
There was a mild shift in the atmosphere; he could feel it. The air thickened. But he saw Rachel nod quietly in the corner of his eye. She was silent for a moment, then she asked, "are you doing alright?"
He blinked, turning his head back to her. "Huh? …-oh! Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. It's always just kinda hard leaving the caverns, y'know." Gar shrugged a second time. "I always stand there like an idiot for, like, five minutes before my feet just kinda move on their own. ...is day-dream walking a thing? Or ...is it still 'day-dreaming' if you're not thinking of anything and just spacing out?"
Rachel gave him a dull stare. He almost felt her sigh more than he did hear her. "That's… not necessarily what I was asking about."
Oh. ...that didn't take long.
"-Yeah, of course!" Gar flashed her a wider smile, shifting his weight more to one foot, so he took on a more 'casual-cool' kind of posture. "Michigan's not as hoppin' as California, so I was kinda bored but, uh, I finished a replay of Zelda! That's always a blast. ...you're also talkin' to the Team Instinct gym leader extraordinaire for most of Midway." He let his smile narrow into a crooked smirk, waggling his brows. "Competition isn't too bad; I'm not even all that worried about my turf being invaded while I'm gone."
He didn't expect her to smile or find any kind of interest in this information, but he was hoping it'd at least shake her off his tail. Her stare remained unwavering. Something cold spread over him in the way that a fresh bedsheet does, and he chuckled, taking a small step back.
"Who knows? Maybe I can even rattle Vic's status as a Valor leader. -but, uh, speaking of Vic, I better go let him know I'm back so we can head out for pizza. I'm sure everyone's hungry by now."
Rachel continued to stare at him for what felt like an agonizingly long moment before she tilted her chin up a bit. "He's in the Ops Room working on 'computer stuff.'"
Gar nodded, waving over his shoulder as he turned to move to the roof doors. "Thanks, Rach!"
His ear flicked as he caught a low 'mm' from her, and cautionary feeling of relief trickled through his chest. He'd managed to avoid one encounter. But it wouldn't be over until he'd gotten through the rest of the day. At least.
Gar pushed through the roof doors and half-stepped, half-hopped down the stairwell until he reached the long corridor that stretched over the top floor. No sooner had he rounded into the hall did the elevator doors slide open. Kori walked out, and she got maybe four steps towards the roof stairwell before she looked up from her phone and spotted him. He felt a surge of excitement spike through him at the same time she straightened, gasping loudly and actually dropping her phone.
"-GARFIELD!" She cried, a radiant smile lighting her features. He threw his arms up and open.
"KORI-" her name had hardly left his mouth. She rocketed the rest of the way down the corridor, closing the gap between them in a second's time and scooping him off his feet into a Tamaran embrace. He squeaked, clumsily dropping his arms around her shoulders and letting his legs swing as she spun the two of them through the air. She was laughing joyously, and it took him a second to realize that he was, too.
"I have missed you SO MUCH!" She exclaimed, squishing her cheek against his. "I am so happy to see you!"
"I'm really happy to see you, too, Kori! I missed you, too!" Gar said, laughing anew and tightening his arms around her just enough to give her a gentle squeeze. He gave his legs a small kick, unsurprised to find the floor nowhere in his reach. "-dude, have you gotten taller? That's so not fair."
She pulled herself back enough to look at him, blinking. "I do not know? Have I?"
"Mmmmaybe?" He said. Then, he bounced his brows and flashed her a playful smile, singing softly, "all I wanna do, is see you turn into…" and whispered: "a giant woman."
Kori's smile widened, and she let out a delighted laugh, sinking through the air until her feet touched the floor again. Her six foot, four-inch self wholly towered over his five foot five, and she leaned over just a bit to place him back on the ground.
"You are so silly," she said, clasping her hands in front of her. Gar carefully pulled his arms off her shoulders and back to his person, loosely wrapping his fingers around the straps of his pack. A toothy grin flashed across his features, and he craned his head back to look up at her.
"Well, y'know. I try."
Her smile softened. "Yes." There was a small pause. "Was your summer lovely? And, the Doom Patrol, how are they? You enjoyed your time with them?"
Gar inhaled slowly through his nose, attempting to steel himself without making it visible he was doing so. How was it that every year, they'd each manage to ask him individually before he got the chance to talk to them as a group? And how is it that every year, he still felt utterly unprepared to respond to their one-on-one run-ins? Handling them in a group was much more straightforward, even if they were comfortable enough with each other to not quietly take a bunch of blatant bull hockey.
Kori, this time, felt especially tricky to navigate, though. There was the tiniest sliver of sadness clouding in her eyes, her smile, the very air around her. She was trying to be happy for him despite that he'd been gone since late May, trying to be hopeful that the past wounds in his surrogate family were healing. And it only made his tongue feel all the more swollen and heavy in his mouth.
"-Yeah, it was great!" He said, maybe a little too quickly. She blinked, tilting her head, and he tried to slow himself. "We kicked some bad guy butt, hung out a couple nights around the city, and I even got Larry to laugh at one of my jokes! Might've been a pity laugh but, hey, I'll take it!"
He waited, hoping she'd giggle and drop the topic for something else. Kori smiled… or, tried to. The corners of her lips twitched upwards, then sank into a gentle, skeptical frown. Gar felt his stomach tighten. He had to wiggle out of this before he couldn't.
"Really, Kori, we had a good time," he said, letting his grin fall into a smile. "I, uh, I'll talk about it more over pizza! I just don't wanna have to keep repeating myself, y'know? It'll be easier when we're all together and chowin' down. And-hey!-I'm really looking forward to that thing we talked about doing back in April! I'm old enough now, remember? The big one-eight?"
This must have been just enough to work. Kori's expression brightened with excitement and a new sort of curiosity and wonder. She nodded quickly, taking on a genuine smile.
"Yes! I am, as well. We must review possible designs soon! And also pick where we wish to have them printed." She reached up, pointing at the outer side of her left arm, just below her shoulders slope. "I am considering this spot?"
"That'd be sweet!" He agreed, giving her a single thumbs up. "Haven't really thought 'bout where I'd want mine… guess it'll 'pend on what we wind up getting, right?"
"Yes." She dropped her hand, looking at him again. A new warmth radiated from her as a moment's silence fell between them, then she leaned down and pressed a tender kiss on his forehead. "I am glad you have returned, Garfield. We all are."
He'd winked an eye shut when a couple strands of her hair slipped off her shoulder and brushed the side of his face. Gar tilted his head back, a much more genuine smile reaching even his eyes as he nodded.
"I'm glad, too, Kori."
She gave him a gentle grin before stepping around him, pushing into the air and flying down the hall. He watched as she retrieved her phone, lifting his hand in a silent wave when she passed him to continue her way towards the roof. He waited until he heard the faint slam from the stairwell door before allowing his posture to slowly deflate. His ears wilted, and his hand sank, slow, back to his side.
He'd at least been honest with Rachel. He really had finished a replay of Majora's Mask, really had become the top trainer at several gyms dotted throughout Midway City. ...but he'd straight up lied to Kori. Kori, of all people.
Hope you're happy, you clorbag varblerneilk, he thought, staring apologetically at the stairwell for a silent moment.
Gar sighed a weak breath, gripping the straps of his backpack and carrying on to the elevator. Thanks to Kori, it was already on his floor, and he stepped inside, lightly punching the Ops Room button with his thumb. He leaned against the back of the elevator as the doors slid shut, staring at the floor once it shook gently and began its descent.
Vic. He was probably going to be the most difficult to evade. Rachel may be an empath, capable of feeling and reading emotions better than most of the population, but she also had an understanding and respect of privacy… when not to press for more information. Especially among those she considered friends. Her methods were much slower, like water eroding a stone. Vic didn't have the patience for bullshitting. Usually, it just made him angry.
He'd have to get in and get out of the conversation pretty fast. Maybe running a bit late was a good thing; Vic might be hungry enough to just want to get to the pizza place and eat, already. But he wasn't usually that lucky.
The elevator doors slid open, and he shoved off the back wall, silently bracing himself. A few steps forward, another couple down the hall aaaand… there it was. The OPs Room. Gar gripped his backpack straps for a moment before forcing his fingers, his posture, to relax and plastering a relaxed smile on his lips. The doors slid open, and he strolled inside.
Immediately, he felt caught off guard. He'd just been thinking about his luck-or lack thereof-hadn't he? So it shouldn't have surprised him that much to see Ajaya perched on the right side of the computer's console, her arms folded loosely across her chest, and one knee crossed over the other. She'd looked up the moment the doors had hissed open. Her bright pink eyes flashed when they met his, and she raised her chin an inch.
"Finally," she scoffed. "Were you going to make us wait all night?"
Vic turned from where he stood at the computer's front, his organic eye blinking once before a warm grin spread across his face. "Hey, B! Welcome back!"
Gar flashed him a grin, shooting double finger guns at the two of them. Ajaya rolled her eyes, turning her head away to look out the window behind her, instead. Maybe it was lucky that she was there. She'd been a Titan for, what, three years now? But there was still some unresolved tension buzzing between her and Vic-he could feel it, like static electricity, whenever the two were close enough. Maybe Vic wouldn't press too much with her in the room. Maybe he could actually pull this off.
"Good to be back!" Gar said, dropping his arms to his sides. He waggled his brows at Ajaya, despite the fact she was still staring out the window. "And, hey! The hungrier we are, the more pizza we can eat. I see no downside."
"Oh my gods," she grumbled. Vic chuckled, planting his hands on his hips.
"I'll admit, I am starting to get to the point I could clear out the whole parlor," he said, brow raising. "But I'm glad y'got here safe and sound. Trip wasn't too hard on ya?"
"Nah," Gar said, shrugging and holding his palms open. "The usual! Got to see a lot, eat a bunch of good diner food, sleep on the buses and stuff. Listened to that book Rachel recommended to me just before I left, too. It was good! Even if it did make me nervous about flying over the woods at night."
Vic smirked. "Good to hear. Your summer good, too?"
There it was. He hadn't even eased into it like Kori and Rachel had. But Gar had anticipated that.
"Sure was," he answered, even letting his grin slant a bit. He still couldn't linger. Vic was good with words; he could corner him fast. Get in, get out. "But, hey, I'll talk more about it over pizza. I've been asked, like, three times, now, and it's starting to feel like a bunch of crazy time loop stuff and déjà vu."
He saw the shift as well as felt it. It was subtle; a small shadow drifted over Vic's face, much in the way those lazy clouds had drifted over the field, over the ocean. He could practically see Vic working the possible ways the conversation could go out in his head like he was eyeing a puzzle piece, taking the presence of a potential third participant into consideration. The pause, itself, was only a second's length. But to Gar, it felt like it refused to pass.
"A'ight," Vic said, nodding. "Why don't y'go drop your stuff off in your room? Get yourself settled and whatever, then we'll head on outta here and get some grub. It'll give Ajaya and I some time to wrap up these files."
Relief swept over him in a sweet, warm wave. He resisted the urge to visibly relax.
"Cool! I'll just be a few minutes."
"-Oh," Vic said, pausing as he started to turn back to the computer and pointing at Gar. "And make sure to wear your Cool Patrol jacket. Can't celebrate the return of our cool dude if he ain't properly dressed."
Gar grinned, sincerely this time, and he held up a palm. Vic grinned lightly, smacking his metal hand against it in a solid high-five. Ajaya shook her head, but he could still see the smallest smirk on her lips in her clear reflection.
The trip back up the elevator felt longer this time and he all but shot out the doors the moment they opened. He knew where everyone was, now, so he didn't hold back sprinting down the corridor and almost slamming into his room door when he failed to put on the breaks at the right time. The metal door glided open, and he ducked inside, waiting until he heard it hiss shut before allowing his shoulders to drop and a heavy breath to gust from his lips.
He'd almost done it. Just one more round of questions and he could go on living here like the summer had never happened. Things would go on as they should. It'd be like he never left.
The sight of his room helped enforce that last point. He hadn't cleaned it before packing up and heading out back in May; a few articles of clothing were still scattered about the floor or thrown lazily across the bottom bunk and ladder. Three books had remained open near a cluster of pillows in the corner of his room from when he'd crammed for that last week of finals. His closet door was wide open, and a tiny hill of miscellaneous stuff was spilling out of it. He'd shut the metal panels that slid over the window-walls before he left, too, so no natural light flooded the room. The room, itself, had a bit of an odd smell to it. Not necessarily 'bad' or 'dirty' but… stale, maybe. Like its essence had drained away during his absence.
Gar stepped quietly across the room and tossed his backpack on the lower bunk, unzipping the main pocket. He dug out the old flowers, staring at them for a long moment before giving them a light toss towards the trashcan where his nightstand would have been had he not gotten a bunk bed. Most of the stems made it in, but some fell short and crumpled to the floor; dead petals scattered across the carpet. He made a mental note to clean it up in the morning.
He craned his head back and scanned the top bunk, spotting a large plush shark peeking over the edge. Her mouth was 'open,' revealing a foam-toothed grin. He smiled back.
"Hey, Deep Blue. You hold down the fort while I was gone?"
Her grin continued, and he decided to take that as a solid 'you bet I did.'
He continued to dig into his backpack, pulling out a few dirty shirts and pants and chucking them over his shoulder. His hammock and 3DS were placed on the lower bunk. He fished out a leather jacket, unfolding it in his hands until he could see the emblem of a howling wolf and the sleek lettering: 'Raised by wolves.' His grin shrank into a small smile, and he carefully set the jacket on the top of the backpack.
Gar climbed up the ladder and threw himself onto the top bunk, landing on his back with a grunt. His arms flopped limply over his head, one even sliding over and off the edge of the mattress so it dangled in the air. He could feel Deep Blue's soft fabric brush against the top of his head and the knuckles of his other hand, and he exhaled a slow, deep breath as he sank into the sheets and closed his eyes.
Finally. For the first time in months. He almost… almost felt fully relaxed.
It was good to be back.