John Phoenix was in town with his uncle, Phoenix Wright, and they had passed by an old building with a cross on the roof.
"Uncle, why do people go to church?" asked the inquisitive John Phoenix.
"Oh, because they're devout Christians! They believe in God," said Phoenix. "Are you a Christian, John Phoenix?"
John Phoenix spat.
"No. I do not believe in God. I believe in nobody but myself. However, I am curious to see a sample of Christian culture, so let us attend this service."
The moment he and his uncle were on the church grounds, everyone promptly stopped saying their prayers and crowded around John Phoenix and tried to get his autograph. It was annoying and they couldn't reach the church so John Phoenix smacked a guy in the head and he bled to death which caused people to finally back away.
"John Phoenix, we could have just asked them to move..." said Phoenix.
"They wouldn't hear it. They are selfish pigs who would never leave us alone until they got what they wanted. Furthermore, that fool was killed in self-defense. He obstructed my freedom by not letting me into the church. I would have been in the right to massacre that entire crowd, but I singled one person out and spared the rest. I am virtuous."
"You are right, John Phoenix, thank you for sparing who you could."
They walked into the church and a priest stood at the altar with his hands raised in the air.
"Welcome to church, children of heaven. These are the words of God. God loves every last one of you, love yourselves and love everyone around you!"
Everyone said something in response. John Phoenix didn't listen.
"Also," said the priest. "Kill all gay people."
"OBJECTION!" shouted John Phoenix! He stood up and ran into the aisle and pointed a gun at the priest. "Keep those hands in the air you conservative terrorist!"
"John Phoenix, what are you doing? You can't just threaten people like that for no reason," said Phoenix.
"But don't you see it, Uncle? There is a contradiction in his testimony!"
"Where? It doesn't contradict any of our evidence?" Phoenix looked confusedly at his attorney's badge, he only evidence they had.
"No, Uncle, turn your thinking around," said John Phoenix. "It doesn't contradict the evidence... it contradicts his testimony!"
"Oh yeah!" said Phoenix. "The priest told us to be good and love everyone. This contradicts the part where he told us to kill gay people!"
John Phoenix turned his attention back to the priest.
"Your morals are reprehensible! How dare you use your position to urge people to kill others!"
"There, there, now," said the priest. "Continue thy slander of our values and thou shalt never be accepted into the kingdom of heaven!"
"You're damn right I'm not going to heaven," said John Phoenix. "But I will send you straight up there!"
John Phoenix shot the priest! But he didn't even flinch. The priest ripped off his mask and revealed that he was God the whole time!
Everyone gasped except John Phoenix. The priest said at the start that his words were the words of God so why would anyone be surprised?
Taking advantage of the masses' unwarrantedd confusion, God ran out the door and soared into the sky to escape.
"Oh no you don't," said John Phoenix. He used his psychic powers to teleport into the sky.
"Hello, welcome to heaven," said Saint Peter.
"Shut up!"
John Phoenix jumped off the cloud and fell towards God who was looking behind him as he flew up the sky so he didn't see John Phoenix. John Phoenix landed on God's face and pushed him back down to earth and the impact from hitting the ground was enough to kill the deity.
"God is dead and I killed him," said John Phoenix, wiping blood off his face. He turned, and saw angels descending from heaven.
"Thank you for freeing us from the tyranny of God, John Phoenix," said the angel. "We offer the throne to you!"
"No," said John Phoenix. "What is the point of overthrowing an evil monarch if I'm only going to maintain oligarchy? By continuing this system, I am leaving the door open for further abuse of power and oppression. Therefore, I am abolishing this system and henceforth there shall be no single God."
John Phoenix turned his uncle.
"Uncle, please keep this lesson in mind in case you ever overthrow an oppressive regime."
"Wuh? Uh, okay," Phoenix was asleep during that whole speech but he nodded.
"Oh yeah, and besides," said John Phoenix. "If I were God, I wouldn't have time to babysit my Uncle Phoenix. And it also wouldn't be impressive when I win my court cases since I'd have God powers. How could I give all of that up?"
Saint Peter nodded sagely and approved of John Phoenix's request. And that is how the world stopped having a God forever.