This is a ONESHOT only and there won't be any further chapters. This is Harry's POV in the series "Remember Us." If I'm inspired, I might write a third part too but for now, I'm satisfied with this two-part series.

Warnings : At one point, there is implied self-harm mentioned.

This story is kind of sequel to my previous story "Do you remember, Potter?" Please do read it before you read this one. Thanks.

Remember Us - Harry's POV

It's been more than twelve years, and I still remember you.

Why does it matter though? You wouldn't know that I think of you, would you? Or would my longing somehow float languidly to wherever you are now and whisper in your ears, carress your cheeks like the fluttering butterfly kisses we used to give each other? Would you believe then that I've always loved you when we were together? There are days when my heart constricts, like it's bearing the weight of this unfiltered world. In those times, I see your face everywhere. In the mirror when I look at myself, I see you standing behind me, your pale lithe yet strong arms encased around my now slightly bulging waist. Yes, my stomach's been plumped up nicely with age. Being an Auror didn't help one bit and I naturally assumed I'd be fit. I was wrong. Then I'd be dressing myself and would catch a glimpse of a deep purple dress shirt hanging between a stretch of whites and greys and blacks and I would imagine you in it. The you who I'd left all those years ago. How beautiful you'd be in that purple shirt, I can only imagine! How more handsome you would be when I pluck the buttons out slowly and push the shirt back until it barely hangs onto your shoulders, collar askew, as I latch onto the dip between your collarbones and neck. You'd be heavenly. As I settle myself down on the couch getting my daily dose of news from The Prophet, I wish for your face to be plastered on it somewhere. I'd know then what you are upto; how's life for you. Wishful thinking, that is what it is and it evaporates just as it should when I hear my lovely boys, James and Albus, wreaking havoc early in the morning.

You might find it funny, but I still remember us.

I didn't leave you because I didn't love you. You must know this but you probably never will. I left you because I loved someone else more. Maybe it is as good as saying that I don't love you but then it would not be the truth. I must never say lies. So, I have loved you. I love you. But I love Ginny more. I love that she is with me in a place where I want to be; where you are unwelcome. I love that I don't need to hide myself or her or my kids from anyone. I love that I can display to the world the love and affection I have for her, which I can never do when I'm with you. Does this make me a selfish, conniving prick? Then so be it. I had a choice and I made the right one. Whether or not it was the correct one... Well, time tells. Twelve years is huge chunk of it to say that my decision was right as well as correct. Yet as I sit alone in my office reviewing policies, assigning cases, training the young and worthy, I kind of miss you. You were a knowledgeable wizard. Your brain worked wonders even during Hogwarts. I'd imagine how beneficial it would be if you were here. Just like Hermione, you might have brilliant and tactical ideas. You could work together and our world would brighten more. I could see you everyday, your smile and your eyes, your pomp and your gait; I could listen to you blabber about work, your ideas coming into being and resonating loudly for all the witches and wizards to hear. I would lift you to your success. Or I could get you a job in my department. You were always good with spellwork. If not an Auror, you could be anything you wanted to be. I'd take you to those parties you fancy and watch you roam around socializing with everyone, giving speeches in my stead. And in the dark nights, we would strip each other off steadily like gentle breeze over the clouds. Every inch of my skin would be yours. And yours mine. On days when I want to lose complete control, I'd let you guide me down onto the bed... On my back, like you loved, or on my hands and knees, or against the frigging wall or over the couch, if you preferred it rough. God, our love making would be so explosive. You turned into a beast whenever I'd relinquish control. You made a mess out of me and I would never stop begging you for more. More of your tongue, your mouth, your teeth biting my lips and nipples and whichever place you'd love to bite and mark as yours. I'd surrender for you anytime. You could keep me naked and vulnerable and I'd do the same to you. We could forever live tangled under the sheets, making love to each other. Taking turns. Then I hear a loud cracking sound from a misfired spell. Like a wave crashing down, I come back to the present and realize that my daydreams are worth nothing. I wouldn't do a frigging thing. I love my life the way it is now. Without you. I'm happy with my family. I'm content. I don't need to rely on you anymore. Or so I think.

Believe me, I remember what you were to me.

Years ago, the Wizarding World got rid of all the Dark Lord's supporters and gave a handful a chance to live free albeit without their magic and away from the only world they knew. You were one of that handful because I appealed for you. I don't know how or if the others released along with you survived but you did. I made sure you did. I broke you apart and glued you to me. I broke myself and fit myself in your wreckage. If you were the broken bowl, I was the golden lining that brought us together. Neither can survive beautifully without the other. But the thing with gold is, it can be melted and redesigned. I allowed myself to not be the gold stuck between the cracks of the bowl. I broke free. In doing so, the bowl held no form anymore. It turned to jagged faces and cutting edges once more. Was I wrong? Everyone tells me I'm not wrong. No, not everyone. Just 'Mione and Ron. 'You chose what made you happy, Harry. We are with you no matter what,' that's what 'Mione said to me the day I decided to get married to Ginny. If only I had the guts to come to you... I wronged you, yes, but I wasn't wrong in choosing my happiness, was I? If I asked you this now, what would you say to me? Would you tell me to shove it and leave you alone like I did for the past twelve years? Or would you assure me that what I had done was for the best for the both of us? Or would you turn violent and slap or punch or kick me? I fear the worst of all though... Your indifference. Yes, I think I'd be absolutely terrified if you act as if I'm no one to you.

I remember.

The way I needed you to hold myself up. If you weren't there, I'm sure I'd have been dead in a ditch. Nobody but you will ever know my nightmares, my fears. I had been skeptical about us since the beginning. Was I doing the right thing? Why the heck did I ever confess to you and why in the world did you accept me so readily? As if you were waiting for years! We were merely sixteen so you couldn't have been dreaming of me for years, could you? Many doubts took space in my then dumb head. You were nothing but a git to me and my friends. In a year or two or when the war finally starts, we'd have to fight each other. You were the son of a Death Eater and I'm the son of a world which wants to be free from your kind. You strived to kill the ones I cared about and I worked the clock to kill the ones on your end. There was our balance of good and evil. They can never be together and not lose balance. So why had I been so impulsive and stuck my tongue down your throat? Because in my own twisted way, I really loved you. Once we started going out together, I knew that all our perceived notions about you were just that. We wrongly assumed a whole bunch of things. You couldn't sympathize because you weren't taught to. Being a child, you wanted to impress your father so you did whatever you saw Lucius do. Dating me didn't do wonders to your character though. You were still a mean prick and I started loving that about you. Even when you were about to curse me with the Cruciatus, I loved you. And my love scarred you. I cut you open. And it cut me open. I was ashamed of what I had done to you. I couldn't sleep at night. I couldn't come to the Great Hall and look you in the face. I had no fricking right to kiss your pain away when I was the one who caused it. I deserved to be hurt. I deserved to be cut up. You would never know this but I stood alone in my room with my wand hovering above my wrist, contemplating whether I should cut myself and bleed just like I did to you. Then your owl came. It brought me your letter. And I ran. Not away from you but towards you. Into your arms I threw myself as you picked me up and kissed me hard on the mouth. My head still feels dizzy from our passion. And I still have the shirt whose buttons you ripped off that night.

And I remember a whole lot more.

The disappointment in your eyes when I would tell you no more about my job. It clouded your eyes and it pained my heart. I didn't want to remind you of what you could never have. Your world was of the Muggles now. If I kept telling you about the Wizarding World, wouldn't it hurt you more? Yes, it would so I refrained from speaking to you about my world. And it was hard. After all those times we spent huddled together, crying together for our losses, for the war, for our lost innocence and childhood, I wanted to share everything of mine with you. Yet a time had dawned upon us where we lived in two different worlds. You would always resent me for everything that I could have and you couldn't. I could see it in your eyes whenever I used magic around you. The longing and the jealousy. If I had allowed those feelings in you to grow and fester, what would have happened? I don't know because I cut the string connecting us even before such a scenario could come to life. Was it just my imagination though? Because you'd gotten a job in a café. You started earning. You talked enthusiastically about your Muggle bank account and how it was different from Gringotts. You showed me your new mobile phone and explained how to punch numbers and letters into it and I listened patiently even though I knew how it worked, the tiny little thing. A couple of weeks or months and you were bringing home leftover dishes from your café saying that the owner gave them to you to enjoy with your partner. It suddenly was all about you. You stopped enquiring about me, my work or my life. You had stories to tell but you wouldn't listen to me. And as days passed, this new you broke something in me. I felt distanced from us.

Oh God, I remember...

Feeling hopeless like I was fresh out of the war. The Auror training was not as easy as I expected it to be. There was no forgiveness from the superiors for the so-called saviour. I was a pawn. I had to train harder. Train better. And more. I had extra classes thrust onto me in the name of responsibility. I was taught about policies, economy, and a whole lot more just so I could be the Ministry's face. It was seventh year all over again when Scrimgeour tried to make me the face of his rule. I bent however they wanted me to. This way! No, Harry, that way! Come on, under here and stay on the frontlines only! Smile now and large, okay? Because that's how you ensured a safe world. The Hero had to work till his bones broke. And where was the much needed support from you? You were so swallowed with your grief that you failed to notice I was hurting badly. It was a miracle that I could even bring myself to visit you given that I was utterly exhausted because of my work. You didn't work as much as I did, did you? So you wouldn't know what it is to lose your time and identity to the expectations of the world surrounding you. There was no reprieve for me. I prayed for you to understand my position and share my pains. But all you ever did was complain and throw accusations that I was the one tearing us apart. I came back home knackered; I came back to you for a bit of support and warmth and what did you do? Picked fights with me! Thankfully, neither of us had been physically violent. Our fights had always been cruelly verbal. Had I known being alive would be this tough, I would have chosen to remain dead. But then, happiness came in the form of Ginny. She understood me more than you ever could. I would never in my life downplay the support you've given me right after the war but it didn't last. When I needed you the most, you were there only to abuse our relationship futher. Only to tell me what a git I was to leave you alone for days on end. Where had I been? What had I been doing? With whom had I been? Your questions were endless and accusatory. I could bear it no more.

I remember the after too.

Tried so hard to forget our fights; lock them away and start our days afresh because we fought just like every other couple. In fighting, love strengthens but sadly, my love for you only dwindled. No, it shifted. It found an old flame. Ginny. Lord, she made me so happy. Even to this day, she knows what to say to me and how to uplift my mood. I don't know how she does it... She just does. And in time, I had to choose the one who made me happy now, hadn't I? If you could look at me now, you'd know. And if you ever loved me, you'd agree that we broke up for the best. Now that you've invaded my thoughts yet again, I desire to see you. I wish to know what has become of you and how you are faring. For years, I wanted to come to you and apologize. In hindsight, I have realized that as much as I depended on you, you leaned on me too. And I had left you without any support. Though we weren't legally bound, you were my responsibility. I should've done something and I regret that I haven't laid out the slope for you. I slid away and left you atop the lone pillar. Hence the fear in me brews with passing days asking one and the same question everyday - Would you allow me back in your life?

So let me tell you that I shall always remember, Draco.

Before I come to you, I need to know if you remember too. I assume you do. I've hurt you too much for you to forget my presence in your life. 'Mione does. Ron does too. And I've always known Ginny suspects. She never asked me if it was you who I broke up with in order to be with her. But I think she knows. I know that my body heats up in pure ecstasy and anticipation just by your thought. I might also have mumbled your name in my sleep during the first year or two after our breakup. I made sure to send your things to you with the help of 'Mione just so Ginny could move in. I didn't want any trace of you around. But in my haste, I must have forgotten to send one of your Slytherin socks or scarves or a tiny blurry photo of you and I that I still keep hidden in a place nobody knows except me. So yeah, Ginny might have guessed. But she didn't confront me about you and I have no intention to willfully tell her about anything related to us. Those memories are mine alone. Ours to keep.

ooooo

It's Halloween tonight. I'm standing in the graveyard paying respects to my parents, my family alongside me. Ginny gives the boys and Lily flowers and they put them near the graves. My children once again pray for their grandparents' blessings. They leave little strips of paper with the flowers and when I ask what they are doing, James says that they're leaving secret messages to Granny and Grandpa. I'm overwhelmed with happiness. Then it's time to go.

'I want to be alone tonight. Can you take the children home, Ginny, please?' I plead so that only my wife can hear.

'Sure, love. Don't stay out too long okay?' she pulls off her thick grey scarf and wraps it over the pale blue one around my neck. She casually checks if I've my gloves on even though she was the one who put them there before we left. Then she gives me a once over and pats my belly, signalling she's done dolling me up for the cold night so that I can go wherever I want to go.

'You know me, I'll be fine. Don't stay up for me,' I say. She nods once, gives me a kiss that barely grazes my lips but is full of love and care, and takes the children away. I wave farewell to them and send goodnight kisses because I won't be going back home. Not today, I've decided.

After a little prodding and a whole lot of begging under a veil of secrecy, Hermione agreed to look for you. Imagine my sheer surprise when she told me that you were still at our place. Our home. The one we built together. Are you still waiting for me? I know you have the funds to move places and I really thought you did. That is why I requested 'Mione to find you because she is an expert in every field. Why didn't you move, Draco? I finger the key to our home inside my coat pocket. If you are home now, I needn't use the key at all but I want to. Just so I could know if you've changed the locks. And if you didn't, I'll be a fool and gather selfishly that you love me like I love you and you kept our doors open for me so that I could find you.

I'm coming to you, Draco. After all these years, I'm finally ready to face you. I never did answer your questions that day when I came into our home with Ginny's ring around my finger. I had no answers and to be frank, a part of me refused to answer you. It wanted to be free from your shackles. Stupid, I know. I can't turn back time. So here I am now, determined to look you in the eye and take whatever you give me. Whether we'll be friends or something more or nothing anymore, it's upto you to decide.

I hope you remember that I once loved you.

I hope you remember me.

Because I still do.

Thank you for reading till the end!

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