"Rajat jaldi se yaha aao" a girl shouted loudly from the bar counter in a restaurant.
Rajat was seating quietly working on his project report…he looked up and saw his girlfriend looking at him with a big smile…he smiled at her hesitantly…she signalled him to come near her and he obliged…
"Purvi! Atleast din mai to drink nahi karni chahiye na" Rajat said wrapping her hands around her shoulder
"Offo Rajat! Tum ab fir se shuru mat hojana…mera mann kiya to ek drink ke li..issme konsi badi baat ho gai? Purvi replied jerking his hand away
"arey baba mene to aise hi bol diya! Ab tum gussa to mat ho" he tried to cajole her
"Mai sirf ek hi condition par tumse gussa nahi houngi" Purvi said looking at him meaningfully
Rajat gave him a confused look…she smiled at him and shifted a little near to him…she kissed him on his cheeks and then neck…he understood her hints and gave her a meaningful look.
"Sir ye Mittal and Mittal company ke deal ki file aapne mangwayi thi"
Rajat came out of his thoughts hearing the voice of his secretary…he took the file from her and started writing something on it…
He was trying hard to focus on his work but was not able to..his guilt was just eating him alive, everyday…he didn't know what to do…how to escape the reality…how to run away from his dirty little secret, he was hiding from everyone…
He threw his pen away in frustration and went near the window…he took out a pack of cigarettes and started puffing it, looking outside….he was angry, hurt, guilty…he actually didn't understand what he was supposed to feel, but he sure knew he was wrong, perhaps very wrong for being so selfish… He was puffing the ciggarates one after another, crying silently at her failure….
In Night
Rajat reached home…as soon as he reached the dining table he saw his wife sleeping, her head was kept on the table… unknowingly his hand reached to her hairs and he touched her head…she immediately woke up.
"Rajat aap aa gaye…I am sorry vo aapka wait karte karte meri aankh lag gai" Meera said standing up from the chair
"Mene tumhe kitni baar samjhaya hai na Meera ki mera wait mat kiya karo! Tumhe pata to hai mujhe kahi baar aane mai bahut late ho jata hai" Rajat said removing his blazer
Meera went close to him and started helping him removing his blazer… Rajat glanced at his beautiful wife and felt a pinch in his heart….
Meera was perfect in every aspect…she was a Very beautiful person inside and out…Rajat and Meera had a arranged marriage…Meera left her job after the marriage and became a full time housewife…Rajat used to admire and respect Meera..she was a very good wife and also a great daughter in law… it's been more than a year they got married…he cared for Meera alot, but he couldn't love her the way she deserved to be loved….
Rajat never moved on from her college sweetheart, Purvi… they had a breakup when Purvi had to go to abroad for her higher studies…they tried but couldn't maintain a long distance relationship… eventually after 2years of their breakup, he married a girl of his parents choice…
It was night time…Meera was sleeping peacefully in Rajat's arms… while his mind was still wondering somewhere else…he didn't know what to do…he wished if there was a switch off button to his thoughts.
Some Days Later
Rajat was in a restaurant, Purvi was seating on the chair near him….she was talking to him happily, rubbing his hands in between….Rajat was just lost in his own thoughts.
"Mai kya karu mujhe kuch samjah nahi aa raha! Purvi 3mahine pehle vapas se meri jindagi mai aa gai…mujhe kuch samajh hi nahi aaya ki kya ho raha hai mere saath…mujhe kuch realise hota usse pehle hi I crossed my limits…humara relationship fir se shuru ho gaya… relationship kahu ya fir sirf ek affair?" The thought disgusted him
"Rajat tum humesha kaha khoye rehte ho itna? Jaana! pure 3saal baad hum fir se sath hue hai…she started getting a bit emotional…I thought itne saal mai to move on kar chuke honge tum but I was wrong…meri tarah tum bhi kisi aur ko apni life mai jagah nahi de paye" her eyes welled up with tears and she side hugged him
Rajat didn't know what to say…he knew he was in love with this girl more than anyone in this whole world….he was keeping her in dark just for his own selfish reasons… Purvi deserved to know the truth…they were best friends in their college days and had a very serious relationship for more than 4years and now he is hiding from her the most important thing, which she must know…it was her right to know the truth but Rajat was not courageous enough to tell her or Meera.
He knew Meera loved him unconditionally…he was cheating on Meera…he was cheating on the girl, who trusts him more than her life….she has always been very understanding, but he took advantage of her simplicity and just broke her trust…what will happen if Meera come to know the truth? She will be totally broken…he just can't hurt her…she was very important to him and he just can't afford to let her know the truth..
Rajat was in a moral dilemma…he was cheating on the two most important people of his life…both of them deserved to know the truth but he was a coward…he knew the consequences of the truth being open out to the girls…
Rajat was taking a shower, rubbing his body very harshly, trying to wash his guilt away as if it was some dust stuck on his body.
"Nahi ho pa raha hai mujhse ab! Mai kabhi bhi, kabhi bhi Meera ko dhokha nahi dena chahta tha! Galti humesha se meri rahi hai…mene agar thodi jyada koshish ki hoti to shayad mujhe aur Purvi ko kabhi alag hi nahi hona padta…aur agar aisa ho gaya tha to mujhe reality accept kar leni chahiye thi! Mai khush tha na Meera ke saath! Pyaar nahi kar paya kabhi uss se lekin fir bhi khush tha mai usske saath"
He remembered himself sleeping with Purvi and then with Meera…he felt disgusted…he closed his eyes very tightly and in frustration banged his hand on the wall very harshly…his hand started bleeding…he was feeling overwhelmed…..he started crying and sat down
"Mujhe kabhi Purvi se vapas nahi milna chahiye tha! Usse dobara milne ke baad mai itna khush tha ki mujhe sach mai kuch samajh hi nahi aaya…kab humara normally milna affair mai convert ho gaya pata hi nahi chala…I crossed all my limits and usske baad mujhe realise hua ki mene kya kar diya! Lekin tab tak bahut der ho chuki thi…meri kabhi himmat nahi hui na Purvi ko sach batane ki aur naa hi meera ko…mai unn dono ko sach batana chahta hu lekin mujhe pata hai unnn dono mai se koi bhi iss baat ko handle nahi kar payegi…par mai aise kab tak iss guilt ke sath jeeunga? Kya mai aise ghutt ghuttt ke aisi dohri jindagi jeeta rahu? Mujhse sach mai nahi ho pa raha hai…I really don't know what to do..
Rajat was in a turmoil of emotions….he was tired of his two-faced life and just wanted to run away somewhere…. sometimes he thinks the life of everybody would be easier if he just died? He was a coward trying to run away from his reality but the reality keeps coming back and bites him…he don't know how long would he have to live like this…he was not at peace at all…his short-lived happiness gave him a lifetime of pain and suffering…he had to live with the guilt of cheating on two most important people of his life…he had to live with his own dirty secret…it was so dirty that he couldn't even meet eyes with himself in the mirror…
THE END