You are Dakteam, the legendary-ish 40-year old son of Bruce Banner who used to live in Tremorton. Your mom has been dead since you were 6-years old and you're known for having crazy powers thanks to your genetics. At the moment you're living alone in your new home at West City just trying to make pancakes.

"Hey," a voice says from behind you. You turn around and see a man with long white hair wearing glasses standing there. He looks like he's about your age but his clothes are more formal than yours.
A quick glance at him reveals that he is indeed balding and has a few gray hairs on top of it. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, but my sister was looking after our house while she went out."
"Wait a second, Larry Da Vinci is that you?" You ask.
"The one and only," he replies as he gives a little bow. "I remember you, you used to live near my parents."
"I sucked a dick." God says. "I didn't even know you went to this school."
"I didn't go to this school!" You say indignantly. "I went to Cornwell High!"
"Whatever," God laughs.
"Oh yeah I did... wait what are you doing here?" You ask.
"Uh," God says looking around as if he's suddenly realizing that he's in a public place. "I just came to visit my old friend and while I was walking here I saw you making pancakes."
"God, what are you doing here?" You ask.
"I uh... I was just in the neighborhood."
"You suck a mean penis." God says.
"Yeah, Larry Da Vinci is the man," you say sarcastically while rolling your eyes. You turn and go back to cooking.
"So when's the last time you saw Becca?" God asks.
God takes out his holy dick. Bible and waves it around.
"Becca's been dead since I was thirteen." You say.
"I'm sorry to hear that," God says, stopping his antics.
There is a brief awkward pause where you both stare at each other.
"You want one?" You ask.
"Sure,"
God begins to suck his own dick.
You look at God. "Can you stop doing that?" You say.
"Doing what?" God asks.
"You know damn well what."
"I was just sucking my own dick! What the hell is your problem?"
"That's my exact problem, you're sucking your own dick in the middle of my kitchen." You say.
"I've seen you jerk off, you can get away with it."
"That's not what this is, this is me and Becca," you start to say before stopping yourself.
Suddenly, Lord Beerus appears... with a 10-inch penis.
"SHIT!" You say.
"What the fuck is this?" God asks turning red. You've never seen him get so angry.
"Fuck! What the hell are you doing?!"
"Wakanda forever!" A naked T'Challa flies in, wearing a Shrek mask.
"Fuck, Becca." You say.
God attempts to cast a lightning bolt at T'Challa, but T'Challa catches it in his bare hands and gives a thumbs-up.
"Fuck this." You say as you Instant Transmission away.
Meanwhile, in the afterlife...
"Who was that?" God asks.
"Um," you say.
Fuck you forgot your phone, it's been two days.
You Instant Transmission to Wakanda to get away from this mess.
When you materialize, you find yourself in the middle of a field. You try to get your bearings.
"Is he dead?" A voice says.
You look around you. "How the hell did I end up in the spirit realm?" You ask yourself.
"Kachigga mah nigga."
"I hope T'Challa didn't kill him." A slightly older black man appears to be walking towards you.
He's wearing a hoodie and jeans, but his posture is that of a royalty. A voice replies.
You look around you. In the distance, you see Becca and T'Challa.
"What happened to him?"
You look around completely dumbfounded. "What the hell is even happening here?"
T'Challa appears in front of you. He flips your hoodie up and grabs your crotch. You kick, but he's too strong.
"What the fuck man?"
"Wakanda forever!" T'Challa shouts as he grips your balls nice and tight.
Your eyes open wide as you pass out.
"Somebody once told me... my eyeballs are titties!" A giant hairy fucknugget says.
You end up in some strange place. One of your eyeballs is in a glass bowl and one of your testicles is in another bowl.
"Hey, you're not dead." A voice says.
You look at the source of the voice. "Who are you?" You ask.
"I'm God."
"What?"
"I'm God. Do you know how hard it was to part one of those balls?"
'Dakteam, why do you keep sending me telepathic shit?' A voice asks.
'You wanted to see Becca.'
You look around and see her. She's wearing a one-piece swimsuit with a cropped top and bottom. Her hair is in pigtails...
'What?' The same voice asks.
'You wanted to see her naked.'
'No I didn't!'
You look at Becca and get a flash of her naked body. You close your eyes to stop yourself from ejaculating in your pants.
"What?" You ask. "Me and Becca never liked each other like that."
'Yes we did.'
You stare at Becca's body. She looks at you and your eyes flick away.
"What are you doing?"
'I'm checking if you're lying."
Suddenly, T'Challa bursts in and punches Becca in the liver, knocking her into a wall. 'Wakanda forever!" He shouts again.
"What are you doing here?" Becca asks.
"I came to invade your country, but found out that you were getting your dick sucked by a white devil."
"Don't you mean yellow?"
"What the fuck?" You ask. "What the fuck is even happening? The fuck is this?"
T'Challa looks at you and bursts out laughing. Becca goes to punch him, but he catches her fist.
"What's so funny?"
"You're in trouble, bro."
"Kerchoo." A voice says. It's Lightning McNigga.
T'Challa releases Becca's fist and turns around. "Lightning, man, you need to stop coming to these things, you don't have time to sneakily invade countries."
"I'm sorry what?" You ask.
"Lightning, what's wrong with you?" T'Challa asks.
"No seriously, what?" You ask.
"You're in my house."
"What?"
"This is Becca's house. Why are you dressed as a wizard and hovering two feet off the ground?"
You look down.
"I fucked Mater up the exhaust pooper!" You say angrily.
"You what?"
"I fucked her up the exhaust pooper!"
"Who's Mater?"
"The wizard that lives across the street from your house."
"Mater's a wizard now?!" You ask angrily.
"No, she's a woman." T'Challa says.
"Yeah, and she's super angry about what you did, you fucking pervert."
"Fuck this bullshit." You say as you Instant Transmission yourself into a swimming pool.
Unfortunately for you, one of the weird magical effects of the pooper is that it makes water explode.
"Do any of you have some dank kush?" A giant green ogre asks; not Shrek, but a giant green ogre.
You're flung from the pool and hit your balls on the pavement.
"No." You say. "Why?"
"This dumb ass just paid me sixty gold coins for my kush."
"That's a lot of gold coins, dude.
"Ah!" You shout in agony.
Your testicles feel like they've been stomped on by a horse. You crawl away from the giant green ogre and towards the pool of water.
"Fuck this. Who are you? What are you doing here? What's this talk about kush?" You ask.
"I'm Barterman."
"You're a dwarf!
"Hey, bibba." Beerus says. "I heard about your little faggot fight with testicles inside of your ass."
You stare at Beerus with eyes wide open. "Beerus, what did you just say?"
"I said, faggot."
"You said, 'faggot'."
"I did."
"Is that a bad word?
"Yes." You say bluntly. "Yes that word is."
You walk over to a mirror. You stare at your reflection and cry. Your face has been twisted into a hideous monster. Your eyes are red, with the single white one being prominently prominent.
"I can, because Whis is my dog."
You turn and see Whis; he's a dog. He sniffs the ground.
Suddenly, zombies. A horde of zombies come from the forest and surround the house.
"Huh, I didn't know I was this many zombies' darling." You say.
"Zombie apocalypse!" T'Challa screams.
You look at the horde of zombies with a look of boredom as you suddenly start firing energy blasts from your hands.
Zombies with 500-foot penises. The zombies' heads start to pop like surreal balloons.
"Holy shit." You say in awe. "I'm a real wizard!"
You take off towards the Mountains.
You blast the giant cock, disintegrating it into dust.
"Is... is that a dick?" You ask.
"I was wondering when you were going to get here, Captain Planet." Becca says.
"CAPTAIN PLANET IS HERE?!" You shout. "THE FUCK?!"
"The, uh..." T'Challa begins to stutter.
"It's a brand-new intro!" Becca says.
"What does that even mean?!" You ask.
"Uh... hi?"
Zuko and Azula are in the Avatar State, about to destroy the Earth.
"Stop!" You shout.
They do.
You look around at the vast open space around you. "Fuck this." You say. "I'm going to Namek."
"Hi, I'm Namek," You say, sticking your head into the Beifong's house.
"Oh my God, it's theNamek!" Bum-Chi Beifong says.
"ZA WARUDO!" Dio Brando appears (naked, of course), and punches you into the moon.
"What are you doing here?!" You ask.
"Trying to find the dragonballs, of course!"
"Oh yes, the dragonballs. If you try hard enough, you can make a wish."
You just stare at Dio with boredom in your eyes. "Why are you naked?" You ask.
"Because I'm a pervert, that's why."
"Uh huh.
"Tibetan Buddhism is a cult that worships the dragon. It's the only way we can have a decent fighter among us, because otherwise we'd get fucking Buddhists running around."
"Took you long enough to admit you were a Buddhist.
"I'm not a fucking Buddhist! I'm a Satanist!"
You stand up walking towards Dio.
"Wait what the hell?" You ask.
Dio suddenly snaps his fingers, causing you to be thrown into the sun.
"Got something for you." He says as he grabs your head and spinfasts you.
"Yare yare WAKANDA FOREVER!" T'Challa shouts.
You open your eyes and instantly begin to vomit. You cough up a little blood.
"Ah, sorry about that. I've been practicing." Dio says.
You stand up.
"Fuck. This." You say as you try to use Instant Transmission to teleport to Planet Namek.
"Hey, what about me?" Becca asks.
You teleport to the planet.
'Dakteam, what the fuck does 'Yare yare WAKANDA FOREVER' mean?' You ask.
'Meh, it's a dumb song. Don't you have any openings?'
"Nope."
"Aw fuck, is Dendy Stskyyre my only option?"
"Who the fuck is Dendy?" You ask.
"He's some bum on the streets that sings this song. He's blind, but he can still sing better than anyone you could hire."
'That fucking bitch...
You shake your head. "I'm never gonna get a proper normal answer to my questions am I?" You ask.
"Well, what do you want to know?"
"I want to know everything!" You shout.
Dendy Stskyyre begins to laugh.
"Wait, who are you random laughing man?" You ask.
You feel the ground shake; your butthole parts. It's Pleakley forever, bitch.
"I'm the judge, jury and executioner!" Dendy Stskyyre laughs.
You face palm into the stomach and teleport away.
"I'm the man who created your man. I'm the fucking man."
You stand there in silence with your mouth slightly open. The ground stops shaking.
"What?" You say flatly.
"I'm the fucking man." Dendy says, then he bursts into laughter.
You stand there in silence, waiting for him to stop laughing.
Pleakley is in his 🅿1️⃣3️⃣🅰K1️⃣3️⃣Y form.
"That was the best line I've heard in a long time." You say.
Pleakley is still trying to process what you just said.
"What... What are you?" He asks.
"What am I? The fuck are you?" You ask.
"I'm Pleakley.
Pleakley shoots you in the penis.
"OW!" You shout.
"I'm a fictional character."
"Oh." You reply, then begin to laugh.
"What the hell's so funny?" Pleakley asks.
"The fact that this inane bullshit is happening is actually sinking in." You say.
"What's happening is very real and you're very weird."
You start to laugh even more which makes Pleakley very angry.
"WHAT?! What's so fucking funny?" Pleakley asks.
Batman appears and rips off your skin. "WHAT THE FUCK, MOTHERFUCKER! WAS THE SHIT TOO TOUGH FOR YOU TO EAT?!"
He throws you against a tree and continues to hack you into pieces.
You immediately reform yourself and teleport away.
"Coward!"
You appear behind him and rip out his spine. He screams in agony before disappearing.
You appear next to Pleakley.
"Who the hell are you?
Superman pisses on you.
"It's Clark, dickhead. What do you want?"
"I want to know what the fuck is going on!"
"What ARE you?
"What am I? What are you? What is ANY of this?!" You ask with a shout.
"I'm your friendly neighborhood protector and enemy of all that's evil."
"You're a superhero?"
"Superman is a superhero."
"Whatever, I want to know what this planet is."
Hilda's face appears on a tree. "I want you to sleep with the dragon's testicles."
"Really? Thanks."
You go to sleep.
You wake up with a massive headache and Pleakley hovering over you.
"There you are, wake up.
You immediately feel your eyes widening. "Wait, what dragon?" You ask.
"The dragon that's sleeping right above you."
You follow his gaze and spot the dragon sleeping.
"Oh fuck me." You say to yourself.
"What?" Pleakley asks.
"That's a dragon."
"Yeah, so?"
"I'm sleeping in the same place as a fucking dragon.
A massive dragon with an 10,000 mile penis appears.
"What the fuck just happened?" You ask out loud.
"I don't know, but I'm not finding that to be as funny as you do." Pleakley says.
You just shake your head as you try to Instant Transmission away.
"Where are you going?"
"Away from here, I found a passage in my books about how to teleport and it all makes sense now!"
You teleport away and out of the forest.
You feel someone knock on your head.
"OW! Fuck!"
"Sorry." Pleakley says and pulls out his sword.
You immediately jump back. "The fuck you pulling out a sword for bruh?" You ask.
He's holding the sword with one hand and pointing it to the sky with the other. "I saw a vision of our possible future."
"Let me guess, an army of demons invades Earth."
He then throws his sword away and grabs his own tentacles. Not his dick, because he has a cloaca.
You stare at the cloaca. "What is that?"
"Let's do it RAW." He says, smirking.
He begins to pleasure himself.
"What the fuck are you doing?"
"Enjoying this part!"
Pleakley begins to moan and look at you with lust in his eyes.
"A... A cloaca for my... aside from my dick."
You look at him confused. "Aside from your dick?
You shake your head and rub your eyes. "I-I must be high right now." You say.
"I'm Pleakley, your goofy friend, your roommate and eventual boyfriend."
"We're... boyfriend?"
"If you survive this, you're my boyfriend.
"No. No you won't be." You say.
Your phone rings. It's Henry. "Hello Henry, oh my god, what happened? Where are you? I'm coming to get you right now."
"What's the address?" Pleakley asks.
He rips your chesthairs out. "What address?"
"The address of the place where this dragon sleeps."
You look at Pleakley confused. "Why?"
"To kill the dragon."
You shake your head.
"Seriously what is even happening?" You ask.
"This... is the strangest part of all of this. I'm not sure what to make of any of this."
Pleakley begins to rub his cloaca like before.
Pleakley grabs your testicles and begins to twist.
"Agh! Fuck! What the fuck are you doing?" You yell in pain.
"Making a point."
"Making a point of what?"
"Wakanda forever!" T'Challa shouts as he impales Pleakley in the nubs.
Pleakley begins to laugh. "I swear to god, the dude must've smoked a couple bowl before coming to my aid."
T'Challa looks at you. You stare at his dick.
"Wakanda forever?" He asks.
"I'm sorry but fuck you." You say.
"Meh, I've fucked duds before." He says and pulls out a lighter, which he taps against his breastbone as he smiles.
"Wait a second, YOU FUCK MILK DUDS?!" You ask.
He nods.
"Why the fuck didn't you tell me that earlier?" You ask.
"I don't know, I guess I was trying to make a statement with my actions rather than my words."
You just stare at him with a dumbfounded look in your eyes.
"Hey! Shit! You're not seriously considering letting this asshole kill you are you?" Pleakley says.
"If he's getting rid of the bad guys then I'm right behind him."
He pops a milk dud out of his asshole.
"Ugh...shit, that really doesn't help." You say.
"Together, we will make history." T'Challa says with a shit eatin' grin.
"No." You say. "Whatever history you plan on making with me, that will not happen. But I will say this, if any of this gets out then I'm going to make sure your life is a living hell."
The Black Panther nods. "Fair enough.
He tackles you, his Wakandan dick turning into a black hole that begins to swallow you. "Wakanda forever..."
You look into the abyss.
"So it is with great sadness that I must inform you that as of today, your funding has officially been cut off." The old man says.
Your heart sinks.
Immediately you push T'Challa off of you and find yourself in some random bedroom. Find yourself staring up at a very sexy girl who is slowly removing her clothes.
"What the fuck?" You ask. "Oh god is that... oh no it's Hilda!"
"That's right, it's me." She says seductively.
"What the hell's going on?"
"Tibbie my bibbies, bitch!" T'Challa shouts as he runs past you again.
You look at the old man in the fedora. "Who are you?"
"Just a hipster with a fondness for unique names."
"WHAT?!" You ask. "I've heard that one before. I'm a fucking genius you say? Well I certainly hope nobody's paid you yet, because you're shit out of luck if they have."
"I'm not a hired gun. I promise you.
Hilda grabs you by the dick. "I'll suck you off so hard... that this music's pretty catchy, huh?" She turns into Marlon Random.
"What...what's going on?"
"I don't know. It was a meeting with some people, but then all of a sudden we got these characters spawned..." Marlon says.
"Aw nuts, a NUT twist!" He shouts.
"You can turn into different people?!" You ask.
"Sure! Just because we're not heroes or villains or sentient beings doesn't mean we're not fun."
"FUCK THIS SHIT I'M OUT!" You scream right as you dropkick Marlon through your window before you then start making a run for it.
Meanwhile, Hilda has turned back into her proper form. "What the hell happened to Tibbie?"
"He got scared and ran."
"I...I saw a guy turn into a cat!"
Immediately you wind up tackled by a naked T'Challa.
"WAKIGGA FORNIGGA!" T'Challa shouts as he knocks you into a cabinet.
"...forgive me my son." His mother Zabu says as she enters.
"Zuzu? What's going on?" T'Challa says.
T'Challa looks at you and...
"Everything the light touches... is our kingdom. But a king's time as ruler rises and falls like the sun. One day, the sun will set on my time here, and will rise with you as the new king." Mufasa says.
Zuzu looks at his father.
"How do you know my dad?"
"We went to the same school of course." He says.
Mother Zuzu and Father Mufasa turn away...
"WHAT?!" You shout. "WHAT THE FUCK?!"
"It's what's best for the kingdom." Mufasa says.
"No! Fuck that. You're not doing it! I'm the damn ruler!
Suddenly, Batman begins to decompose.
"Sneaks! You're a sneak! You're dead! You're a...OW SHIT!" T'Challa says as you kick him in the nuts.
"Wakanda forever motherfucker." You say right as you teleport away.
You immediately begin looking for the nearest exit and thankfully you exit out the palace. Problem is, it's now night time. You don't have a clue where the hell you are.
"Bop it! Lick it! Suck it!" You hear. "Bop it! Lick it! Suck it!" You hear.
You look around and spot a GameStop.
"Bop it! Lick it! Suck it!"
A Bop-It hits you in the dick. "Suck it, bitch." You think as you storm into the GameStop.
"HOLY SHIT A GOLD DUSK!" A man screams.
You look at the Gold Dusk in the store's window.
You then hear some piano tunes and look to the side and see a burned man in a red and green Christmas sweater.
"Oh fuck me." You say as you start running away.
"HA HA HA!" The man laughs as he starts running after you.
You run into the backroom and see a man holding a game system with his face on it.
"I need help!"
"Nerd?" You ask. "That you?"
"Damon! Thank fuck you're here!"
"The mass grave out back? The one with your friends? Yeah, been awhile since I did this shit." Damon says.
'Dakteam, I just perceived a very disturbing image.' Hilda says. 'That man...the one wearing the red and green sweater, is none other than our old friend, James.'
"What?"
Freddy Krueger rips off his shirt; they're actually T'Challa. "WAKANDA FOREVER!" He shouts as he stabs you in the dick 1,000 times in an instant.
You fall to the floor and then Freddy begins kicking you in the face. "Bop it! Lick it! Suck it!"
"Fuck, I knew this game was going to be a challenge."
You immediately stand up and grab T'Challa by the shoulder and punch him in the dick. He falls to the ground as Damon tackles him.
"YOU LITTLE FUCK! I'm not afraid of you!" T'Challa shouts and punches Damon in the face.
T'Challa powers up. "I WILL SAVE THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD!" Then he punches you in the dick.
You fall to the ground and begin laughing uncontrollably. 'Laughing? Am I actually still alive?
He begins to go Super Saiyan Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan God 2. Super Saiyan God 2. Super Saiyan God 2.
Damon stands up and pulls a gun out and shoots T'Challa in the dick.
"What the fuck?! This must be the work of an enemy Stand!"
You look at T'Challa with a look of pure disbelief. "How the he-what the... just what am I even looking at?!"
"You're looking at an African lion man. That's what you're looking at."
You look at Damon. "What did you just say?"
"I said, that's what you're looking at."
"No, no, no. I mean, you don't seriously think I'm friends with this?
T'Challa begins to fold up into a wallet-sized shape.
"You've got some fucking balls showing up here."
You then look back at T'Challa and then at Damon and then back at T'Challa again before you just throw up your hands and start running away.
"Bop it! Bop it, lick it, suck it! Ha ha! Oh shit, I've been waiting for someone like you."
"Damon, can you get rid of this?
"Wakando bondo." He says, and then he rips open your chest and shoves a vibranium vibrator into it.
"Ha ha! You like that shit? I'm a real African lion, I'm not some fake-ass lion man. Fuck you, I'm the fucking superior being." M'Baku says.
You look at M'Baku. "Oh thank Jesus you're here. T'Challa's gone fucking mental."
"Nonsense! T'Challa's a genius."
You grab Damon and M'Baku and pull them inside your body.
You then push them out. "What am I even doing?" You ask yourself.
M'Baku begins charging at you and you push him back in. "What the hell did you put in here?" M'Baku asks.
T'Challa begins to chant in the divine tongue. "Reverof adnakaw. Reverof adnakaw. Reverof adnakaw. Reverof adnakaw. Reverof adnakaw. Reverof adnakaw. Reverof adnakaw."
You push M'Baku and Damon away from you and suddenly you feel amazing. What used to hurt, doesn't hurt anymore. What used to feel like a tire rolling over your flesh, now feels like sunshine.
You then shake your head. "Fuck this. Just fuck all of this." You say as you just start walking away from all this bullshit.
Then a tire begins to grind you into the ground. You hurt again; your flesh rips off.
"Hey, where are you going?" T'Challa asks.
You turn around to face him. "I'm going to find Jane and make her my wife."
"What? You scream as sparks fly from your ripped up body.
"Yoo hoo! Did you happen to see a hot set of abs at this party? Or maybe some booty?"
"Stop!"
You look over at who said "Stop!". "Oh thank god you're here Goku!" You say.
"What happened to you?"
"I'll explain in the car."
Goku begins to lift you up. "Tell me, are you an idiot?"
"Yes.
M'Baku's penis pops out of his mouth. He begins to fire bullets from it as though a gun.
"Yes!"
You then feel hands on your body. It's Jane, she must be here to help you. "Hey you." She says.
You immediately back away. "Wait a second who are you?"
"I'm Jane."
She puts her arms around you. "I'm here to help you get back your body again."
You start feeling different sensations again.
Your cloaca begins vibrating.
"I don't understand my powers. I could make your crotch fall off and your head explode, but I can also make your genitals feel wonderful."
You then shake your head. "Nope, I'm not letting this become smut. Not in these weird conditions."
You look over and feel a new spirit enter you and take control of your body. It's the same one that took over Flemto's body last time.
You reject the spirit. "No, you're not taking me over. Go back to where you came from."
"Come on, be a sport. You know you want to."
You shake your head.
You then teleport away and end up falling through a roof.
The moon changes into T'Challa. "WAKANDA FOREVER!" This must be one of the many super heroes in this city.
You fall down to the street, still in pain. You groan loudly as you feel bones breaking. He screams as he rips your chest open, and begins devouring your heart.
You immediately close your chest back up and stare up at the moon with a look of boredom. "ENOUGH OF THIS BULLSHIT!" You shout as you go Super Saiyan God.
T'Challa's head pops up and he grabs the roof of a nearby car.
"Wakanda forever." He says. You drink the ceremonial juice to strip you of the powers of the Black Panther.
With the panther gone, you find yourself to be too weak to hold on to the roof. You fall onto the road and instantly feel your bones break.
Your body turns to dust, and the world ends.
And then the world begins again.
You do it again.
You live again.
You are a giant living testicle with feet.
You laugh.
All is good in the world.
You wake up again and find yourself in the middle of sex with a very familiar face.
"Mmm, your tibbies are most ripe to be bibbied." Yoda says as he stares at you lovingly.
"WHAT?!" You shout.
"I'm your father."
"WHAT?!"
YODA! I'M YOUR FATHER!"
Yoda grabs your hand and begins to lightly lick it. "See? Tickle tickle."
You immediately pull your hand away, punch a window and then try to dive out of it when Yoda grabbed your ankles.
"Let me go, you're not my father!"
"So, you're my son?" Yoda asks.
"What? No!"
Yoda tibbies your bibbies.
"Oh God! Oh God no! Jesus, Bast, Superman, shit, fuck, ass no!" You shout as Yoda continues to do... something. You don't know what exactly he's doing, all you know is that it's very, VERY disgusting.
"How...?" You pant.
"Shtupid! Shtupid! Shubbidoo! Shubbidoo!" Yoda cries.
You stare at Yoda. And...
Yoda grabs a log of shit from his ass and sticks it in your mouth. You wretch profusely in response to this action.
"I'm your father."
He stick his penis into your penis. Your tong wraps around his tong as he feel your mouth with his mouth.
"I'm your father."
You moan into his mouth.
"I'm your father."
You stop fighting as Yoda forces you to kiss him.
He stic his dick into your balls.
"I'm your father."
You stare at Yoda. He's covered in shit, you're covered in shit, it's a disgusting sight, but this all feels so good to you that you want more.
You succ him with good mouth.
You succ his dic.
He's your father.
You eat his shit as he shoves more into his mouth. His cock turns into a log of shit and you begin to suck it. He cums sewage into your mouth.
Suddenly, T'Challa dives into the room with his 50-foot long penis and 30-feet wide balls.
"WAKANDA FOREVER!" T'Challa shouts as he proceeds to ram his dicc into Yoda's buttcheeks.
Yoda grabs the small part of his face that isn't covered in shit and begins to scratch it at T'Challa in anger.
"I'm a fucking Jedi!" Yoda screams.
Fuck you're a fucking Jedi. Yoda uses the force to throw his habbitat into T'Challa's dick, making it explode in a puddle of blood and shit.
You start profusely vomiting at this sight. T'Challa grabs you and throws you against the wall.
"You've made me waste my time. Now you will die."
T'Challa begins to piss shit into your mouth. You start to choke on this, before you spit it out and manage to avoid swallowing it.
You stare at him in surprise. "I can't cast spells?"
"No. You will die by the hands of the King of Wakanda! WAKANDA"- Lightning McQueen hits him.
"Kachow!" He says.
Yoda suddenly slaps T'Challa with his dicc.
"NO POOPOO!" Yoda shouts with anger. "DIS HERE BOOTAY BE MINE!" And then right then and there Yoda powered up to Super Jedi God Super Pissshit.
T'Challa screams in pain as he begins to turn into piss and shit. His dick turns into rainbows, then into a snake, before it disappears completely.
You just stare at this madness in front of you before you then jump inside Lightning McQueen and try driving away.
Meanwhile, Yoda takes his foot and steps on the pile of shit that used to be T'Challa.
"Now, the Boobay United will be mine!"
T'Challa begins to power up to Super Wakandan Forever. He now knows de wae.
Meanwhile, you just get out of your car and kneel beside Yoda.
Lightning just stares at you with a shit-eating grin.
"Hey." He said. "I fucked your mom shit-lips."
Yoda looks at you, before smiling.
"Sssssshhh." He says, putting his finger to his temple. "You've made me very hungry."
"Kachigga my nigga." You say as you thrust your massive balls into your own butthole.
Yoda laughs, before raising his hands and blasting out some energy that sends you to the ground.
"HAHAHHAHA! Fuck off, pussy!"
You just jump back. "Oh God no. OH GOD NO!" You say. "FUCK THIS! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK EVERYTHING! JUST FUCK EVERYTHI-" T'Challa grabs you by the penis and pulls you up to his face which now looks like a Ugandan Knuckles.
"WAKANDAE FOR-DA-WAE!" He shouts at earrape volumes.
You begin to scream.
Meanwhile, Yoda just smiles and begins to chant.
Vic Mignogna's face appears; the dream stops. Everyone in the landscape looks at him.
T'Challa stares at him.
"Hello," Vic says.
T'Challa looks around, his ears twitching.
"Who is this?"
"The superior being."
T'Challa grabs Vic by the neck. A horrifyingly realistic brutal choke-out is happening.
"Wakanda forever. You do not know de wae." T'Challa says to him. "Give me your wealth. In return... I will give you your choice."
"Oh, this should be good." Vic says.
You watch as Yoda joins in as he starts gouging out Vic's eyes with his now freakishly large talons.
"You have two options, sir. You can either die a slow, lingering death by Yoda's hands, or you can be killed instantly by T'Challa's knife."
"Why give him the option?" Lightning asks. "Kill the nigga."
"Oh, I'm sure Yoda has good reason. Let's let him speak."
"No." Lightning says as he manifests laser cannons from his headlights. "Fuck him."
T'Challa snarls at this.
"Good." Yoda says. "T'Challa, make your choice."
"I have both in my possession."
Vic begins to cry. "Fuck, man! I'm your subconscious enemy; your 'Dream Nemesis'. But fuck this!" He coughs out blood and laughs. "I'm going to die either way! I don't think anyone even knew I was in that temple. You could just kill me, T'Challa."
More pissed than ever, Lightning powers up to Super Dinoco/Rust-eeze Ultra Fuckatonic and stands up with his hyper-realistic human feet and stares at Vic with hyper-realistic eyes.
"Shoot him, T'Challa!"
T'Challa snarls once more.
"Good, good!" Yoda laughs as he opens a portal to the Death Star.
You look at the portal. "WHAT?!" You yell out. "I'm not going to the Death Star! That's not how this fucking movie ends!"
Vic just laughs.
You immediately just hold up a middle finger to Vic.
"Well then," Vic says. "Shoot me, T'Challa."
"Oh, you're going to get killed, all right."
Vic slowly puts up his hands.
Lightning opens his mouth and breathes fire on Vic.
"Noooo!" Yoda screams.
T'Challa charges forward and smashes Vic in the face with his gauntlet.
"Blam!" Yoda says.
Lightning shoves his toes into Vic's mouth.
"Kick 'em IN," Yoda yells.
T'Challa puts one hand around Vic's throat, and pulls out his phone with the other.
"This is T'Challa."
T'Challa shoves the phone up Vic's pores. Every one of them. A disgusting smell rises up.
"Nope! Nuh-uh! No!, they don't work! No! Nooooo!" Vic says as he begins to rapidly age.
You stare at this with a look of disbelief. "No, it's not possible! I'm dead! I'm not a fucking zombie!"
Drake appears.
Lightning looks at Drake. "KERCHOOGLES GOOGLE!" He shouts as he eats Drake.
T'Challa growls. "This is not a planet, it's a garbage heap. Now let's kill this asshole."
You look at Vic with a look of disbelief. "Look man, this ain't my fault, this isn't something I'm crafting on my own. This is just happening."
"I don't think I can..." Yolei says.
"Yes, you can," Mr. Demar says. "I will help you."
Mr. Dicknigga You look at the three people. "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE?!" You shout.
"We're the good guys, hatchling." Yolei says.
"Well that's new."
"What the hell happened, anyway? T'Challa told such a horrible story." Mr. Demar asks.
"It's a long story."
"We've got time."
You breathe deeply, and ask the question on your mind. "
"What the fuck is happening? Who the fuck are all of you? The fuck is going on? Why does Lightning McQueen have human feet? Why won't T'Challa leave me alone? The fuck is happening? The fuck is happening? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK IS FUCKING HAPPENING?!" You shout all the while gripping your hair.
"Calm down, calm down," Mr. Demar says. "I'd like to know what's been happening as well, if you don't mind explaining."
"Fuck you."
Mr.
You then start walking away. "Screw all of this. I'm goin' ho-" You suddenly fall down a flight of stairs. The fall knocks the wind out of you, and you lie on the ground, gasping for breath.
"I don't want to fight you." A familiar voice says.
"You goin' ho, nigga?" Big Smoke asks. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"-Lightning's voice is suddenly silenced.
"What just happened?" Mr. Demar asks.
Yolei gulps. "I... I think he's dead. I checked his penis; it's limp."
You just stand up and stare at what's going on and open your mouth to say something when suddenly, CJ and Goku jumped in.
"Ay don't worry foo!" CJ shouts. "Me and mah nigga Goku got Potara Cockrings so we should be able to fuck and fuse!"
"Welp, I suppose if that don't work, we're fucked," Mr. Demar says. "I'll get the other one."
"Who's that?"
'Dakteam, why did you send me a picture of Lightning McQueen with human feet? That was incredibly disgusting.' A voice asks.
'Dak, I need your help for once, please respond.'
"A friend of yours?" Mr. Demar asks, confused.
"No."
CJ ignores this and continues.
You just stare at this scene and are about to say something when you hear a noise.
"WAH!" You turn to see a really fucking buff Waluigi staring down at you. "What the fuck are you staring at, perv?"
"Uh... n-nothing."
"Are you Chaos, Demon, or What?"
"No, I'm just a regular human, actually."
Waluigi's buff fists begin to pulsate. "Do you want to die?"
"N-no!"
"Then stop looking at me and my beautiful face."
You're about to say something else when you feel one punch to the face.
You suddenly feel yourself being launched through fifty buildings. You slowly open your eyes to see you're in the middle of fucking Nowhere, Nevada. You stand up, brushing yourself off; you see that you only have a broken tooth and a cut on your face.
"Oh fuck my head." You grumble.
'Dak, I'm sorry.' You send into his mind. 'I didn't mean to look at you in such a shitty way! Who are you, anyway?
The cat has a human penis and speaks fluent Wakandan. Mr. Demar appears behind him.
'I am...' Mr. Demar begins. 'Dak, you don't want to know this story.
You just stare at what's going on for a few more seconds before you then try running away. You run away from the building and find yourself in the middle of a fucking desert! What the fuck kind of setting is this? You start walking, trying to find any sign of civilization.
You see Hilda, butt-naked, strapped to a bed. Her face shows signs of terrible torture, as an eye has been stabbed through and her lip is cut extremely open.
"Nope." You say as you shake your head and unstrap Hilda from the bed. "Nope, nope, nope and nope."
You pause. "Now... where the hell am I?"
You then look at Hilda. "Hey are you alright?"
"Yeah..." Hilda says. "Butt-smack."
"Oh." You say, as you begin to smack her ass. "New position?"
"Uh... yeah."
"Might wanna lay off the Gonzo porn if you want normal dreams." Gonzo, the muppet, says.
"Ew," you say. "Why the hell am I dreaming about-" you then stop, realizing something.
"Hilda, what the hell happened to you?"
"H-help!"
You feel your eyes widening. "Wait the fuck did I do? What am I doing he-" Suddenly you felt your dick being gripped by claws.
"WAKANDA FOREVER!" You look down and see T'Challa had his now strangely sharp talons digging into your dick. You begin to yelp in pain, as T'Challa begins to smirk.
"You like this, Chaos man?"
"Fuck you."
"You are vulgar."
You immediately start trying to stomp on T'Challa's face. "Get the fuck off me man!" You shout.
"STOP! The Wakandan king commands it!"
You continue to struggle. "Let me fucking go!"
T'Challa laughs at you.
"You wanna fuck her, don't you?" Gonzo says. "If you didn't, your dream wouldn't be showing you this."
You continue to struggle. "Let... me go..."
"Chaos, brace yourself!" A familiar voice screams.
The two of you look up in time to see a spear coming straight for your face.
You dodge the spear right as you look at Gonzo. "Gonzo why the fuck are you even suggesting that?!"
"You wanna fuck that sexy wench, don't you?"
"Sheesh, calm down." T'Challa says.
You stare at Gonzo with a disgusted look in your eyes. "The fuck man?!"
Gonzo slams his fist on his palm. "Because you are obviously a violent lust-filled man who doesn't give a fuck about anything!"
Gonzo powers up to The Great Gonzo Ultra Instinct God. "Because, I'm everything wrong with you, Dakteam."
You stare at him with contempt.
"What?!" You shout. "Okay violent I WAS and yes I WAS lustful but for Hilda? Nope." You then power up to Super Saiyan Omni-Realityversal Nine Thousand.
"Don't fuck with me, Chaos, this is your final warning."
"Don't try to tell me what I feel!"
"It was your dream, dipshit." Hilda says.
You stare at Gonzo with a look of fury before you then charge for him, your fist going into his stomach.
Gonzo drops to his knees and coughs before looking at you. "I don't understand you, Chaos. A moment before you were fine and the next you are punching me in the fucking face.
Gonzo clashes with you, his fists crackling into yours. He smiles, his muppet face not showing anything but a grin. "You are deep down, a part of you is with Vic. Everyone has a bit of deep-seated chud." He says.
"Fuck off," you reply.
Gonzo grins and goes for a roundhouse kick. "It's just a fight, Chaos. A fight that has lasted too long already."
Gonzo suddenly grabs your arm and with a laugh, slams his elbow down on your knee and immediately, you feel the bone snap.
You scream out in agony and fall to your knee.
Gonzo grabs his head. "Oh shit, now that was a mistake." He says and powers down.
You look up at him with a pained look and try to punch him when he suddenly powered up again and bit your fucking dick.
You scream in agony as your dick goes into a raging hard-on before your body goes into extended heart failure.
Tons of people including the lovely Hilda look on, cheering you on.
You look down at Gonzo and repeatedly knee him in the face in the vain attempt to get him off of you.
He gives you a laugh and goes in for the kill by shoving his thumbs into your eyes.
While letting out a scream of agony, your slam your fist into Gonzo's face and manage to knock him off of you.
"Dakteam, you need to face reality. You can't deny the small bit of chud in you." He says. "Reject me, and I stay in the shadows. Embrace me, I consume you. Destroy me, that's a life-long commitment."
You sit there in pure agony. You manage to get yourself up on one knee and find your way to your gun. Your hands are shaky and you are having a hard time aiming it at Gonzo.
You feel your face twisting as you writhe in pain. "Fuck you, asshole."
"So do you choose to reject me"-
"LOOK AT THIS CHAOS, MAN!" You shout. "I AM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR EPIPHANIES!"
"I'm just here for my two bits of gold, dickhead," Hilda says, "Now would you get a fucking shot off?"
You get one off.
"Dreams are epiphanies"-
"How is T'Challa with his dick out an epiphany?" You ask.
The bullet goes through your head and your body collapses forward.
Gonzo laughs. "Or maybe the real epiphany is you just died."
"Seriously why does it always come back to you in my dreams?!" You shout as you stand up. "I could be going for groceries, taking a shit, doing ANYTHING and yet in my dreams it almost always comes down to the same tired outcomes of either zombies suddenly appearing or you fighting me like it's some DBZ-fanfic bullshit!"
"Look on the bright side, at least you're not having nightmares about me."
"EXCEPT I DO!" You shout. "ALMOST EVERY GODDAMN TIME!"
"Look, I'll see what I can do about you having a nightmare involving me less." Gonzo says. "If you stop and listen to me."
"SERIOUSLY!" You shout, ignoring Gonzo. "WHY THE FUCK IS IT ALWAYS YOU?! I WANT TO FIGHT GOKU! VEGETA! HELL I'LL EVEN TAKE GOING A FEW ROUNDS WITH BEERUS OVER THIS BULLSHIT!"
"Because you're a glutton for ass-whoopin'?"
"NO!" You shout. "I'M A GLUTTON FOR NOT BEING A FUCKING TARANTULA!"
"SERIOUSLY! FUCK THIS! FUCK ALL THIS!" You scream as you power down. "I'M NOT DOING THIS! FUCK YOU! I'M CHANGING THIS DREAM!"
Gonzo grabs Vic and erases him. "Dream-Nemesis poser; he was a weak chud anyway."
You scream as you wake up.
"Now, now." A voice says. "There's no need for that anymore."
You look around your room and see the SHADOWS.
You grab the nearest available person and break their neck.
Gonzo powers down. "He didn't react!"
You run towards him to finish him off, but he disappears before you reach him again.
Gonzo appears above you, and stomps you into the concrete. Suddenly, Freddy Krueger appears. The REAL one. "Hey, bitch"- He sees Gonzo- "Fuck! Nope! Not pickin' that fight again!" He leaves your dream.
Gonzo stands up. "Game's over, human. Back to work."
You wake up and bleed out onto your bed.
You realize something about Gonzo: you have the blood of Bill Cipher in your veins; Gonzo is the dream-demon part of yourself turned inwards. You start going into a rage as you hear his voice within your mind.
"AH MAN! IT'S SO FANTASTIC TO BE INSIDE SOME STUPID FOOL'S HEAD!" You hear Bill Cipher's voice shout as you repeatedly slam your head against the wall. You need to stop this. But how?
Well, I could give you a hint.
Gonzo looks at you. "Well? Are we going to do this the hard way or what?"
You just look at Gonzo.
"Get the fuck out of here you fucking SOCK!" You shout.
Gonzo disappears and you have a revelation. Sock. That's it. You're taking a cue from a game and IRL antagonist. You need to take someone's name and make it your own.
You just shake your head and kick down the door to your bedroom and are shocked to find yourself in Ancient Egypt.
"COME AT THE LOCHA TARANTULA!" You hear yourself shout in an incredibly deep voice. "I WILL SLAY YOU ALL!"
You absolutely slaughter everyone there.
Gonzo slaps that Dream shit out of the way. He stares at Bill Cipher. "So, you can't enter my mind huh?"
"NO!" Bill laughs.
Gonzo appears instantly in front of Bill.
You then look at your hands and realize something.
"Wait a second." You then approach a mirror. "Oh my God! I look like Dio Brando!" He grabs his head and rips it off, laughing as the blood spouts out and all over you.
"YYYEEES! I'M THE GOAT SHIT!"
You then laugh at how cool you are.
Unfortunately, everyone else in the town that day heard you and ran to the nearby village to warn them.
Gonzo reforms, and turns Bill Cipher inside out.
Immediately you just start running away from all this and end up tripping down a sand dune.
"FINE! YOU WANT A FIGHT THEN YOU GOT A FIGHT! COME AT ME, BABY!"
"Bring it on, shithead." Bill laughs.
Suddenly, you start hearing voices.
"Hello, child of Dert."
"You have been chosen... for no reason."
"Thegoatkingisapproaching."
The Goat from Goat Simulator gores you in the dick.
"Ah, somebody's fucked up today."
"No, wait! Help me, I want to get off this ride!"
You wake up sweating and in pain. Your mom rushes over to you.
You then turn to see your mom is the goat.
"What the fuck... what the fuck is this?" You say.
"I'm the mother of these children, I have taken on a role similar to yours.
Except... she's Gonzo.
You try to talk to your mom, but she disappears right before your eyes.
Except, she's still in the room.
You immediately stand up and just start screaming obscenities.
"You can see me? What the fuck?"
"Yes, you can see me. Your dad can too, in fact he's right here."
She's Gonzo in a wig. "Welcome, wigger." He says to you.
You notice a very old man in a cowboy hat appearing in a cage. You feel angry towards him.
You keep screaming obscenities.
"Why are you angry at him?"
"He was the main one who encouraged me to play this game."
"He did what?"
"He told me it was good when I brought it to him."
"FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! JUST FUCK!" You shout as you jump out the window. You're still wearing your VR Goggles, and they immediately start beeping.
"Oh no... No! No! No! No! No! No! Fuck!"
Gonzo slaps you in the shit. "I wanna face you at full power."
You appear in some room with rolling hills and shit. You don't understand any of this.
"This is the body I'm inhabiting right now."
"WHAT?!"
Immediately you force yourself up and think of something and after taking a deep breath, you start channeling Ki into yourself.
"Hah... I like this kid."
You feel your entire body transforming. "What the fuck did you do to me?"
Gonzo is surprised. "Uh, Dakteam"- he makes a show of looking down- "piloted you, and he did a good job. I mean look at you, you're incredibly powerful. way stronger than most people could ever be."
You just start looking down at your hands as you start powering up. You could feel that you weren't just channeling fake dream Ki. No, you were channeling real Ki. Real Dream Ki.
Gonzo notices this. "Huh, you must be really powerful if you're channeling real Dream Energy. Or you're a wigger."
You begin to channel REAL Ki, waking up into a hypnagogic state to make sure. And it works. You begin to rapidly power up, eventually becoming a warped version of yourself.
Gonzo sweatdrops, anime style. "Dakteam"- he makes a show of looking down- "is a wigger. Weird."
Then you hit your peak, and something amazing happens.
Before you knew it, you then were standing tall and proud at your full power and were just staring at Gonzo.
Then the entire world began to Warp and Rot and everyone around you turned bad.
"What the fuck"- You grab Gonzo, and pull him out of the dream.
You wake up.
King Kai jumps back with a look of shock as he stares at you violently choking out Gonzo.
"What the fuck are you doing?!"
"Huh? Oh... I'm sorry King Kai. Gotta deal with my inner demons."
"You're missing the message!" Gonzo protests. "You are completely not taking this with empathy! I show up, you murder me! Why, WHY?!"
King Kai stares at this scene dumbfounded. "Your inner demons... are a muppet?"
You just flash a look at him. "Yeah, I've got some issues."
Gonzo powers up to The Great Gonzo Ultra Instinct God again. "See you in Hell, asshole."
"Hell is full..." You taunt.
He slaps you in the face hard.
You begin to consider your next actions.
Then you do it.
Gonzo begins to gain a physical form. "I'm going full Bill Cipher for this one!" He says. "You gotta handle your issues, Dakteam!"
Then you grab him and begin to squeeze.
"AAAAAARRRGH!"
You crush his throat, listening to the sound of his neck breaking. You release him to fall to the ground, dead.
... He regenerates. You smash his face in. He begins to wail.
"Fuck this!" You grab his throat once more and crush it, this time for good.
The two of you stare at each other for a moment.
"You can't kill me." He says. "I am a part of you."
"Prove it." You reply.
Gonzo walks forward. "Really? Why? This is what Hilda would want; she'd want you to confront yourself with rational empathy. All those wet dreams you used to make yourself have while lucid, I grew tired of." He begins to charge up a Final Flash.
You stare at Gonzo. "Do you know how annoying it is to have every dream, every single goddamn dream be interrupted by you?! It's like no matter what I can't just have just a normal dream because you always show up to wreck my shit and you know what?! I'm sick of it!"
Gonzo fires.
"I'm sick of you!"
He fires again.
"I'm sick of you!"
Another shot.
"I'm sick of YOU!"
One last shot.
He laughs. "You kill me, you die." He explains. "It's the only way."
You think to yourself about what to do.
Then you reach a decision.
"Piccolo dies, Kami dies." He says. "You keep running from me, you'll spiral. More and more. I am your confidence issues; I am your arrogance. You can work a lifetime to heal. You know why you keep seeing me in your dreams? Because you never listen. You punch me, punish me in whatever way pleases you... just like your demons tell you." He says.
You just power down and look at Gonzo. He looks back.
"Well?"
"Yeah... fine." You say. He looks confused. "I just had a long day." You explain.
"You're not going to kill me?" He asks.
"No." You say while shaking your head. "In fact, I think it'd just be better if we had a talk."
He smiles. "Well, that's what I wanted." He says. You grab your bottle and take another drink.
"About what?"
You stare at the ground as you think.
Gonzo is very patient; they have been waiting years for this. 40 years.
"You're finally going to get it out aren't you?" He says.
"I'm going to get it all out." You say.
"OK."
"OK?" Gonzo says, relieved. "So we can heal? It won't be instant, but I will take a more passive role in your mind. Finally, you're dealing with your trauma!"
"You know something Gonzo? You're right. All this time I have been running away from my demons. All this time I've just been spending every dream trying to put your ass six feet under because of all the crap you represent from my arrogance to my rage to... my fears." You say, remembering what happened back at Camp Crystal Lake. "But look man, the thing is if you really absolutely want me to be better then why don't you go out and do a soul-searching journey of your own? Why don't you just let me... be on my own? I mean if you want me to make peace with my demons then why continuously bring them up just to make me face them? Do you not see a problem with the idea of forcing someone ravaged by trauma to continuously face trauma? Especially in a dream where I wound up assraped, shit on and beaten up?"
Gonzo starts to look down and scratches the side of his face, a sign of guilt.
"I'm sorry... I didn't... You probably..."
"Look I know. You put me through these things because you wanted me to face them. You wanted me to deal with them and now I realize that especially but seriously, as someone who actually is getting help from a friend when it comes to dealing with trauma? This ain't it. Constantly putting me through fucking hell and back just isn't helping. All it does is piss me off because rather than letting me deal with this shit on my own time with the help of friends? You continuously just shoved it in my face as if it was no big deal and as a result, I think you made it even MORE difficult to deal with the trauma when it would've been easier to just leave me fucking be." You say bluntly.
Gonzo grabs his chest as if in pain. "I... see." He says.
"Do you?" You reply.
"I'm sorry..." He says. "I didn't know that dreams could traumatize you. I thought dreams helped healing."
"Well they do." You say. "Especially when those dreams involve shit like molestation, me getting my shit kicked in and continuously being shown my past to the point where I have the goddamn murder of my mother BURNED INTO MY RETINAS! What doesn't help is that I had to deal with this shit after I had just returned from the very place my mother was murdered and AFTER I also dealt with a goddamn meme virus that was started by a sex pest voice actor! This doesn't help Gonzo, no it really doesn't. Constantly having the worst aspects of myself thrown right the fuck back at me ISN'T healing! If anything, it's like taking a rusty hacksaw to a wound that's scabbing over and you just decide to saw the whole damn limb off!"
"That does sound rather unpleasant."
"Oh it's worse than unpleasant." You say. "It's the worst goddamn experience a person can ever have! So please man, can I just have this one? Can I just lay back, have a nice weird innocent dream and just get peace?!"
"Of course."
You look at your new friend and smile. "Thanks man."
"Anytime."
You begin to drift off and you're greeted with a familiar sight.
"WAKANDA FOREVER!" T'Challa shouts.
You, T'Challa and Ororo look at each other before looking at the crowd around you.
You see Hilda in... fully clothed. Indeed she's looking fairly normal for her.
"What the heck." You say to yourself.
"Hilda!" T'Challa calls out. "Why did you create a dream of me killing my father?"
She begins to turn into a giant bong. Smoke rises from her. She is now a bong.
"I did?"
"Well, yeah."
"Why?"
"To have a good laugh."
"At you?"
"Of course at me! Who else?"
T'Challa is still naked.
You look at T'Challa with pure boredom and look back at Gonzo. "You know what? I'll take that guy, that weirdly racist and disgusting depiction of a great hero over you because at least unlike you, I know I'll be getting a weird time rather than a disturbing time that's just spent reliving past traumas." "Did you speak to her?"
"Of course I did, she isn't crazy." You say. "Now let's go fix that."
"Me?" T'Challa asks.
You begin to drift off and your head hits the pillow.
"A pleasure to meet you kid. Hope we get to meet again some day."
Your eyes begin to close before you see a vision.
Two Shreks sucking each other off.
"T'Challa has been captured by the Red Nose Marauders. The only ones who can save him are the Dragon Prince and the Wizard."
You immediately open your eyes again and stare at Gonzo. "Also please for the love all that is good and decent, NEVER show me Hilda naked, in lingerie or just... ANYTHING SEXUAL in my dream again man! Seriously, that is just wrong and sickening!"
Gonzo shuts his eyes and gives a very upsetting wince. "I'll try to get the horny tentacle monster to take a break."
You give a sigh of relief and drift off to sleep.
"Wait a second, did you say tentacle monster?" You ask.
"Yes."
Well you're in for it now.
You wake up in your bed, completely naked. You look around and smell the air.
"Gonzo?"
You smell it again.
"Why does the air smell like fi-oh lord no." You cut yourself off right as a tentacle wrapped around your leg.
You look down and see yourself. Apparently you're in the exact same situation as before. You try to stand up but another tentacle slithers onto you.
You see Hilda naked. Seems as though the Gonzo you were trying to reach didn't get the message.
You scream as another tentacle wraps around your arm and bites into your flesh. You feel the pain of your bones being ground together and your flesh being torn.
"WHAT?!" Hilda shouts in dismay.
"FUCKING GODDAMN IT! You know what?! NO!" You say as you immediately wake up, sit upright and stare at Gonzo. "I don't even want to know, I'm just going to accept the fact that you're a sick bastard. SHIT!"
Gonzo laughs. "You didn't say anything; I just assumed dream bullshit wasn't off the table. I'll do some soul searching, you let the bullshit happen. It's a better learning experience; at least I'm not there violently fighting with you."
"Anything involving Hilda being naked, molested or just... ANYTHING SEXUAL is a big fat NO! Fuck that, fuck all of that!" You say.
"Cool, no worries."
You stare at him, he stares back. You feel the soul searching beginning once again.
"Seriously man, yes I may have seen Hilda naked. Yes shit may have happened that led to very contrived scenarios but the two of us feel NOTHING for each other and even when I was cocky and arrogant, I did not have any feelings for her! I know there was a Vic-side of me that had that but as for my own mind? No! I feel nothing for her and every single time that somebody made some ridiculously gross joke about me being interested in her it just pissed me off so please for the love of all that is good and decent just NEVER show me that shit again!" You shout before letting out a series of heavy breaths.
Gonzo nods his head.
King Kai just stares at what's going on with a look of confusion. "What is even going on?"
You then lay back on the ground and let sleep overtake you once more. You wake up back in your room, next to Hilda.
"That was some intense shit, wasn't it?" You say as she opens her eyes.
"You were screaming. That was some scream."
"WAKANDA FOREVER!" T'Challa shouts, his 50 foot penis fucking the Earth's penis.
You give a laugh as Hilda gets up, puts on her clothes and walks off to find you.
You look up at the sight of T'Challa doing... that and you just sigh.
"WAKANDA FOREVER!" He begins to fuck the Earth's vagina.
You continue to watch as an entire horde of Galactus' ships begin to descend. Galactus himself stands in the ship, staring at you.
"What the fuck, this is all wrong!" He shouts.
Pleakley grips you with his tentacles. "Hey, baby."
"Oh fuck off, you're just... pleeb!"
"Sorry, I'm just so happy to see you."
Galactus walks over, staring down at the two of you.
"This looks like what would happen if two scriptwriters for a movie were just actively fighting over the direction the movie took." You say as you push Pleakley away.
"Hello, my son."
"Fuck off, dad."
"Now, now, we can do that later. We have more important things to discuss."
"Like what?" You ask.
Galactus' 100 foot penis- "Why, why the fuck does every male character have a fucking stupidly long dick?" You ask, sighing. "Can't we have a normal discussion like two people without any dicks at all?"
Galactus pulls out his universal translator- "Pee-pul? What's dick?"
You immediately facepalm. "Oh my lord, enough with the DICKS!"
"Okay, fine." Galacdickus says. "We have a deal. You'll join me and together, we can rule the fucking universe!"
"What about Hilda?"
"What about her?"
"She's the God of Destruction and will not like you fucking with our planet." You say.
"Oh, she's not a god." Galactus says. "Just some girl that was delusional."
You take a deep breath and relax- "Good to know."
"So will you join me?"
You shake your head. "She ACTUALLY is a God of Destruction!"
"She?" Galacticockus asks, confused. "It's a girl's name."
"I don't care if it's a fucking Triceratops' name, it's still a GOD!"
"You... you genuinely don't know who Hilda even is do you?" You ask. "This is the biggest mistake you've made. You must get rid of it!"
Galacticockus cracks his knuckles. "I need you to say yes. Suck T'Challa's Ballas."
"SHIT, BALLAS!" CJ shouts.
You look at CJ and immediately backflip away as Ballas start pumping Galactus full of lead, resulting in Galactus fucking dying. You then grab Hilda as you run as fast as you can, before you feel a horrible pain in your crotch. You let out a yell and fall to the ground.
"Join me or die!"
You turn to see you didn't grab Hilda but rather... a chibi Big Smoke. You scream as he raises his leg and puts it straight down your throat. You begin to cough and wheeze as you see T'Challa about to kill Galactus.
"Get off!"
Shrek appears and grabs your asscheeks. He pulls with all his strength, resulting in both your asscheeks and your face to go through the ground. You let out a scream which is soon stomached as Big Smoke's foot moves away.
You let out a sigh as your head turns a full 360 degrees to stare at Shrek.
"IMMA FIRIN' MAH LAZAH!" Shrek shouts right as he spouts big red lips.
"Oh shit, I love this song!" You say as you grab Shrek's hand and dance to the beat of the music.
"Now we're just getting fun..." You say.
"I KNOW!"
Shrek fires a lazor up your asshole.
WHAT? I'M NOT EXPERIENCED ENOUGH TO KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
"Do... do parodies of the Jackson 5 exist?"
Well, we can only hope.
You see Da Vinci walk up, with a 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 million mile penis that is 300 feet wide.
"You gotta be fucking kidding me." You say.
"Nope."
"A... a fucking god?"
"Yep."
"SHIT!"
Shit, shit, shit! Shit!
You turn and are surprised to see Cell walking up alongside Da Vinci with a thirty inch long dick.
"SERIOUSLY?! ANOTHER FUCKING DICK?!" You shout. "WHAT IS WITH MY MIND AND FUCKING LONG-ASS PENISES BEING SHOVED INTO EVERYTHING?!"
"Hello." Da Vinci says. "Do you want me to shove my dick into everything?"
It begins to get hard. Oh Jesus, it begins to get hard.
"WHO HAS BEEN SPAWNING DICKS?!" You shout.
"Will the real Dick please stand up?" Da Vinci asks, pointing to Cell's dick.
"YOU HAVE GOT T~ TO BE KIDDING ME."
His 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 million mile long dick begins to become veiny, and pulsates.
You just look at this bullshit going on in front of you with a look that just screamed "I don't know what's going on but I'm so fucking done with this bitch.".
"Actually, could you shove the real one into everything?" You ask. "I think I'd feel better."
"Sure!" Da Vinci says, with the hint of a smile on his face.
You then shake your head. "Actually no, why would I ask that? Fuck no Da Vinci, don't do it man! Don't you fuckin' do it!"
"What, you want to stick this thing into everything instead?"
"NO! NO STICKING DICKS INTO THINGS PLEASE!" You shout.
"You sure? I got a fun game I wanna play."
"Yeah, no. I'm sure. Could we please get back to the subject at hand?"
"Sure thing,"
"How hard is this to comprehend? NO STICKING DICKS INTO THINGS!" You say.
"What's this?" Da Vinci says, grabbing your dick and bringing it to your face. "You seem to have some issue. I'd probably be more than willing to help, but..."
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY DICK!" You shout.
"Alright!" Da Vinci says, dropping your dick.
His 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 million miles of dick disappears, instead replaced by a pile of money. "Here you go."
You stare at the pile of money, trying to stay as calm as you can.
"Ah thank y-oh shit the money has dicks on it." You say.
"I know!" Da Vinci says.
"Ugh, I'm gonna go throw up." You say, turning and walking off.
"Bye!" Da Vinci shouts after you.
You end up being knocked over by a long pole-like object. When you rub your head in pain, you look up with shock to see that you were knocked down by an absolutely massive, wide-ass fucking dick that belonged to who else but Crash Bandicoot.
"Oh, hello!" He says. "Hoo hoo hoooo! Look who it is! Remember me? I'm the fuckin' bandicoot! Who do you think did that logo?"
You just stare dumbfounded at this.
"I know you seem shocked, but you didn't seem to be so caught off guard when I first appeared to you."
"I was caught off-guard when I walked into your goddamn dick!" You shout angrily. "How the hell do you know what I look like?"
"Oh that? My eyes are everywhere. And who is that with you?"
"None of your damn business."
You then look around at everything around you and scream. "OH MY GOD! DA VINCI HAS A LONG-ASS DICK! CELL HAS A LONG-ASS DICK! CRASH FUCKING BANDICOOT HAS A LONG-ASS FUCKING DICK! MY DREAM IS NOTHING BUT DICKS! I CAN'T STAND THIS ANYMORE!"
"Hm. I see you're quite literally losing your shit."
"Fuck off, that's not shit, that's the truth!"
Suddenly, a portal opens up and your mother comes out.
You look, and see that your mother... has a huge, long-ass, hyper-fucking-erect penis. Its girth is 3,000 feet wide.
"MOTHER!" You scream.
"Hello son." She smiles, stroking her dick. "How have you been doing?"
"I've just escaped from a crazy person...
You look at the portal and just walk into it while giving the middle finger to what's behind you. "Just... just fuck everything."
Your mother laughs. "Indeed. Well then, I'll see you around someday, maybe."
Then, the portal closes.
This causes you to scream.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD! NO MORE DICKS! NO MORE DICKS! NO! MORE! FUCKING! DICKS!" You shout as you start punching the ground. "I CAN'T TAKE IT! I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT!"
Suddenly, the ground gets hard, causing you to stop punching.
"What?" You then realize... the ground has a massive fucking dick and you're at the very tip of it. "FUCK!"
You look up to see the face of... no, wait. That's a dick too. A really big one.
"I am so sorry about this." The dick says.
"What appears to be the problem citizen?" You turn around and see all the Justice League hovering above you with each member having massive veiny fucking dicks. "Please explain."
"YOU FUCKERS HAVE A MONSTROUS FUCKING DICK!" You shout.
"It's the truth." Godfrey says while stroking his dick.
"Can you please explain?"
You turn towards the source of the voice who asked that and you see Thanos, fucking THANOS with a massive-ass, purple-ass, wide-ass monstrosity of a dick staring at everything going on. At this point, you're almost ready to lose your shit.
"This... man has a huge dick." You say, than pause for a moment. "And he's not moving."
"Oh dear."
"What do you mean by 'oh dear'?"
You then turn around to see that the person who said "Oh dear." was Captain America who was standing with the rest of the Avengers... and they all had massive fucking dicks.
"SHIT!" You shout.
"Hmmm... it's just a dick." Godfrey says while walking towards you. "Let's kill it."
"I... I just..." You then let out a scream of fury as you grab at the air and force open a portal. "Fuck this, I'm leaving."
You find yourself in the middle of a forest, although it's really more like an area that's surrounded by forest with a dirt road through it.
"Oh a forest. Well, at least it's norm-"
Ki, ki, ki, ma, ma, ma...
Immediately you freeze with fear and you slowly turn around and sure enough, you were face-to-face with Jason Voorhees, the infamous Crystal Lake murderer, the one who murdered your mom when you were six. At this sight, normally you would cry... if it weren't for one factor that caught your attention. That factor being that Jason had a massive, veiny rotting zombie dick.
'Dakteam, no.' Hilda says. 'I don't know what you sent me, but my intuition caught it and canceled it. What the fuck?'
At this moment, you felt REALLY bad about this.
You then immediately just tore open another portal and jumped inside. You found yourself faceplanting in the middle of Tremorton. You stand up and dust yourself off.
You look around, and notice Bradley Carbunkle... with... no... a huge, massive fucking PENIS that extended into the backyard of every Tremorton citizen. It was as wide as a fucking planet.
"I know, it's fucking amazing." You heard him say to his buddy.
"Oh no..." You say quietly.
"It so is!" Tuck says, his dick just as massive as Brad's.
"No, no, no..." You say, your voice slightly increasing with volume.
"Hey Dakteam! What's up?!" You almost were too scared to look but your curiosity got the better of you and sure enough, you saw Jenny Wakeman... with a massive fucking robo-dick. You immediately felt your eyes beginning to twitch.
"Fuck me, it's the robots!" Some lady says. "I hope they're on our side."
"They are!" Tuck and Carbs both say. "Don't worry! I'll fuck her with my dick"- no. You- no.
You just look up towards the sky, take off and begin screaming. "FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKK!"
"Hey..." You hear Tuck say, as Carbs begins to laugh.
"What?"
"Shut the fuck up, Tuck."
"Hello there!" The voice of Obi-Wan, a sound-clip from the prequels. You turn around slowly... no... no... no, no no NO NO NO NO! His dick is his fucking lightsaber! And it is as wide as a fucking star!
As soon as you spot this sight, you feel all blood-vessels in your eyes pop simultaneously. You begin to feel your vision go black, and although you're in extreme pain, you don't feel afraid. After all, it's what happens to Jedi when their lives are threatened. But you're no Jedi.
You are suddenly a massive penis.
"ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING DICKS!" You shout right as you tear the penis off of you before you then start flying away from all this.
And then you get teleported to a massive room that looks like one of those rooms where the Emperor keeps his clones.
"So we meet again Dakteam." You hear a creepy elderly voice say.
"Please no..." You say. "I already have problems with EU bullshit but please, just d-don't... just..."
"Just what?" The Emperor says as he steps out complete with a dick and a set of balls so massive it just... defies all expectations and logic. "What were you hoping not to see?"
You just stare at this sight, your eyes once again twitching as you drop to your knees.
"No more dicks." You say. "Please, no more dicks!"
The Emperor just laughs as his dick gets bigger and bigger. "So pathetic." He says. "Your kind has been on it for so long, it's gotten to a point where you feel more comfort in a dick than without one. Such a waste."
"NO MORE DICKS!" You shout. "FOR FUCK'S SAKE NO MORE DICKS!"
"Now now, I won't deprive you of your..."
"NO MORE DICKS!" You shout as you begin sobbing, tears freely flowing from your eyes.
"What's wrong, Dakteam?" You turn to see Hilda with a massive-
"FUUUCCCKK THIIIS!" You scream right as you finally wake up.
You wake up in a cold sweat, your heart pounding.
Immediately your gaze snaps towards Gonzo. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!"
"What was what?" Gonzo asks, clearly playing dumb.
"That fucking nightmare! I had a fucking nightmare and you were the fucking devil!"
"WHAT?! Oh yeah, where you being attacked by a dick!"
"Attacked by a dick? THE WORLD BECAME DICKS!" You scream.
"Every single place I looked there was just DICKS! SO MANY FUCKING MASSIVE DICKS!" You screamed.
"Huh?" He asks.
"And the worst part of it all, was that it wasn't even a dream! It was a fucking nightmare!"
"I... I didn't mean for that."
"They were everywhere and they wouldn't go the fuck away! Hell my mom, my fucking DEAD MOTHER SHOWED UP WITH A DICK!" You yelled out. "THAT'S A HUNDRED FUCKING TIMES MORE DISTURBING THAN ANYTHING I'VE EVER FUCKING SEEN IN MY FUCKING LIFE!"
You immediately grab Gonzo by the collar before he could speak. "NO MORE DICKS!" You scream as you shake Gonzo. "NO MORE DICKS! PLEASE MAKE SURE THERE'S NO MORE FUCKING DICKS!"
"Alright." He says calmly, pushing your arms off of him.
"Oh thank god." You say with a sigh of relief as you go back to sleep.
"Okay I'm definitely not gonna be allowing visitors here for awhile." King Kai thought to himself as he stared at the absurdity transpiring in front of him.
When you open your eyes, you find yourself in some sort of spaceship. Well a large room with lots of switches, buttons, and machines that look very similar to ones you've seen on TV.
"Huh?"
"WELL DON'T THAT JUST SUCK!"
The voice of piccolo, except... his face is an LBP magic eyes and mouth combo.
"Well..." You say calmly. "At least it ain't dicks."
He has a huge fucking vagina.
"Still..." You say. "At least it ain't di-wait... OH GODDAMN YOU GONZO!"
You slam your fists into the ground. "SWAPPING OUT DICKS WITH PUSSIES DOESN'T MAKE THIS BETTER!" You scream.
"Actually it makes it a hell of a lot better." Another voice says.
You turn your head and see a red-haired man with what could only be described as an aristocratic face.
"Hey, son, what's wrong?" You turn around... to see your mother with a huge ass fucking vagina covering her lower body.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
And then both of them just laugh as you try to get your mind off of things by destroying the room.
You immediately Instant Transmission away and end up on Cluster Prime, the home planet of the villainous Cluster.
You start panting. "Oh god. Thank goodness I'm done with the pussies." You say.
You see Vexus... who has a vagina that covers her entire body. She laughs.
You point your hand at the planet and charge up an energy blast.
"FUCK THIS!" You yell as you fire the massive beam at the planet. It wipes out most of the planet's atmosphere and almost every life form there.
You teleport away.
"Hello!"
You see a galaxy.
The galaxy has a massive... swirl in the shape of a-
"OH FUCK YOU!" You scream right as you wake up.
You're at home.
"Fuck you Gonzo." You think. "And fuck you King Kai. And fuck this stupid dream that's fucking me up."
King Kai stares at you. "What did I do?" He asks.
You then turn towards Gonzo. "Okay listen up man, I don't want dicks! I don't want pussies! I don't want any of that shit! Please just let my dreams progress on their own! They're already weird enough as is and I am getting sick to death of them being fucked up for the sake of some ridiculous joke!"
Gonzo looks worried. "Are you... okay?"
"NO!" You shout. "IN FACT! I THINK I'M GOING MENTAL THE MORE I CONTINUE TO BE SUBJECTED TO THIS BULLSHIT! JESUS CHRIST I FEEL LIKE I'M BOTH LOSING BRAIN CELLS AND LIKE THOSE BRAIN CELLS ARE BEING FUCKED!"
You pass out from fatigue and anger.
You wake up with a start and find yourself back in your bed, back at your house, back to reality.
You take a deep breath.
"WAKANDA FOREVER!" You yell as you hug your blankets tightly.
For a few moments you stand there until you calm down.
"Oh thank god." You say with a sigh. "I'll hopefully have a normal dre-" You pause once you notice on your ceiling a massive gaping anus.
You stare at it in horror.
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"
You throw a chair up against the wall to stop the damn thing. "Fuck, I'm going insane."
You run outside and start frantically looking around.
"Where could it be?!" You say to yourself.
You notice a patch of trees in the distance and break into a run towards it.
"The barrier! The barrier is gone!" You shout.
"Hey there, boy." A voice says.
You turn around and see a blue skinned, green eyed woman standing there with a smile. "Hi, uh, I'm Ophelia."
"The barrier is gone."
She removes her clothes. "I'd be careful what you wish for, boy."
Her genitals... a massive, gaping, pulsating anus...
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"
You wake up in a cold sweat.
You stare Gonzo down. "NO GENITALS!" You scream. "NO MORE! NO MORE OF THIS SHIT!"
"Calm down, I'm sure you don't want to hurt your brain cells."
You stare back and feel your face burning red-hot with anger.
"HOW CAN I BE CALM WHEN YOU KEEP FUCKING WITH EVERY ASPECT OF MY DREAM?!" You shout.
"You really ought to get some sleep man."
"That's the thing 'man'." You begin. "I CAN'T fucking sleep under these conditions! I don't know if you're just trying to put me through some bizarre form of training or whatever but seriously I am done with this bullshit! Please just stop fucking with my dreams!"
Gonzo neck-chops you.
You wake up to the sight of someone big and pink... and star-shaped.
"Huh? Oh hey Patrick." You say casually. "Good to see at least you're somewhat normal."
He turns around. You see that his eyes and mouth are... buttholes. You see that every round hole in the Bikini Bottom has the wrinkled pulsating detail of a butthole. You see that everyone's groin is covered in a hyper-realistic depiction of Ron Jeremy's face. You're done.
You wake up once again but this time it's to the sight of King Kai actually staring Gonzo down.
"Okay, Gonzo porn. Calm down now. If I really wanted to, I could call Lord Hilda and have you destroyed."
"Wait a second?" You ask. "Wouldn't that kill me?"
"Ha ha, nope!"
You blink twice. "What?"
"The hakai doesn't destroy anyone but who it's targeted at, no matter who or what they are. It would even work on Piccolo without killing Kami."
"So... I can be free?" You ask. King Kai nods while Gonzo immediately starts sweating profusely.
"But-" He says.
"Unlike Piccolo, your sentience is still a part of Dakteam; you aren't 'alive' yet. Piccolo is alive and sentient because he became independent." King Kai says. "He grew past just being an 'evil half'."
"So it is morally okay for Hilda to destroy you." King Kai says happily. "You are a thoughtform; like an imaginary 'friend'; rather enemy."
Gonzo continues to sweat. "But... but you can't do this!" Gonzo shouts. "I'm a part of Dakteam! I-I'm trying to help him confront hi-"
"All you're doing is continuously putting him through stress and torture." King Kai interjected. "You're not helping him with anything, all you're doing is just reopening old wounds and annoying him with inane nonsense and disturbing imagery. What you're doing at this point is acting like that one edgelord who thinks flashing their penis at people continuously is funny. At a certain point, it stops being shocking and people just end up annoyed and bored."
'Hildigga, I need you to hakigga this nigga.'
'... What?' She asks, confused.
'Sorry, rough sleep. I need you to hakai this bumble Biggie Smalls.'
'... Huh?'
"Let me handle this." King Kai says as he grasps your shoulder. 'Hello? Hilda can you hear me?'
'What?' She asks King Kai. 'What do you need?'
'Good! You hear me!' King Kai says happily. 'Look if it isn't too much trouble, I'd like it if you came back to my planet. There's someone here I need you to deal with.'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes, I'm sure. It's very important.'
Lord Hilda appears on the planet. "What is it that you want me to do?"
You simply point to Gonzo. "Erase him."
"Why?" Hilda asks. "I may be a God of Destruction, but unless the universe is at stake entirely, I don't just erase people. I kind of do social destruction and dismantle corrupt systems of power."
"What?! He's a thoughtform! A figment of the imagination! There's no moral problem here! If we wait too long, however, he will become alive!"
King Kai takes a deep breath. "I can explain the rest in a timely fashion." With that King Kai tells Hilda everything about what has been going on.
Hilda walks over to Gonzo. He looks at her.
She seems reluctant. She raises her hand in front of him. "Destruction." She says.
Gonzo disappears in an instant.
You and King Kai let out a sigh of relief.
"Okay? Back to my break from this chaos now?" She asks, slightly urgent.
King Kai nods. "Of course. Sorry for bugging you about this by the way." He says.
"I could stay here, actually. The entire experience of hell that occurred exhausted me." She lies down on the grass.
"I was thinking the same thing..." You say as you fall back again, completely passing out on the grass.
King Kai was looking down at you and Hilda for a few moments when he then heard the clanking of metal boots.
"I'm sorry but what was with all the screaming about dicks?" Jenny asked.
King Kai looked at her. "Trust me, that I don't really understand myself."
When your eyes opened again, you found you were in a very normal looking location, meaning hopefully you were destined to have proper normal dreams. You then saw King Kai sleeping beside you, completely naked.
"Oh god..." You say.
"Don't feel embarrassed." King Kai says as he wakes up. "I sleep naked normally."
"You do?"
"Sure. Why hide something that lets you be more comfortable?"
With a massive bulge under the covers.
"Anyway, they're gone now."
"Who?"
"Cain and those hooligans. I sent them back to the real world through a wormhole."
"You did?"
You then let out a sigh as you turn to your other side and you see a familiar set of red eyes. "Wait what?" You ask.
"PINGAS!" The figure shouts at you.
"What?"
"I'm... You're a PINGAS?!"
"So you're a ghost now?"
"Ghost? No. I'm much more than that."
"Then what are you?"
Hilda is standing in the room. Fully clothed. She's charging up a full-powered Kamehameha Wave. She's aiming it at you.
"Hilda, no"- you utter, but it's too late. The blast goes through your chest, killing you instantly.
Your skeleton pops out. King Kai is sitting beside you, completely naked. Hilda is standing above you, completely embarrassed.
"KAMIKAZE!" Hilda screams as she destroys your bones.
You are now a wisp of bone dust.
You open your eyes again to find yourself naked on a city street. You're in shock. "What the fuck just happened?!" You ask yourself.
You notice a dog barking at you.
"Oh. Well hello little doggy, how a-" You stop yourself once you notice the dog stand up on two feet, the eyes going from normal dog eyes to the creepiest, most hyper-realistic bulging eyes you've ever seen, you also watch as the dog manifests nipples as in really fucking massive human-ass nipples all the while the body shifted to give it really bulging abs. You then watched as the dog manifested four arms, grew to be fifty times larger and before you could even blink, its tail turned into a massive fucking dick.
"Um... Hello there..." You finish.
The horror overtakes you as a woman's hand appears from the bushes, grabbing the dog dick and begins sucking on it.
You just stare on in horror. "WHAT?!" You shout right as suddenly, Optimus Prime fell down from the sky. He was completely shitfaced drunk. The smell of beer emanating from him.
"Fuck me!" He slurs as he lands beside you and then passes out.
"WHAT?!" You ask.
"Oh, um... the... the Space Knights..."
sans appears, holding a fucking hatchet with twenty thousand nails sticking out of it. "get fucked, shit-eater." his massive blue glowing member exploded in a shower of blue goop and fleshy bone. sans dies instantly.
"Fuck!" You shout as you look around and notice that every monster out of the ordinary has just stopped what it's doing and is now staring at you.
"What do we do?" You hear someone shout.
You turn to see the face of Buzz Lightyear whose face immediately turns into CJ's.
"OOOOH!" He shouts.
"LETO!" You shout.
Suddenly, Jared Leto's shitty Joker walks out.
"Hello, Mr. Dreamweaver." He smiles.
"Fuck!" You shout as all the ghosts and and other monsters from your dreams appear.

Then, the most terrifying thing happens.
YOU HAVE THE Dreams.
The terrifying monsters are staring at you.
"Ah, shit..." You say as you drop to your knees.
It is at this point, the ghost of Bane appears behind you.
Thanos appears; his massive purple body expanding into an actual giant fucking grape.
"Hello, fucker." He says as he starts to choke the life out of you.
It is at this point you wish you had never gotten out of bed this morning.
Dio Brando appears.
"Oh, you thought you got away with it, huh?" He smiles as he begins to strangle the life out of you.
"NO!"
You immediately start choking Thanos back.
"Mmm, harder daddy." Thanos moans, prompting you to stop choking.
"WHAT?!" You ask.
"You really think we're going to let you live after you sent our friends to where I sent you?"
You look at who he's referring to.
"Harder, better, faster, stronger." Bane says as he starts hitting your back.
"Thanos, I sent them to where you sent me! I wanted to be with you!
Immediately you try using Instant Transmission to get away from the madness. Unfortunately, you're not focused and end up transporting your teacher, Dendy, into the middle of the fight as shes watch her students kill each other.
"Ugh!"
She turns into a huge-ass clown.
You try using Instant Transmission again.
"What the fuck!" You shout as you and everyone else are turned into clown caricatures.
Meanwhile, everyone else has been transported into a very twisted version of the Wizard of Oz.
"What are you doing?"
"I have to get out of here!"
"Use your head, boy! Thanos is one of the fourinf-"
A giant penis pisses into the sun, putting it outlle-
"The Wizard of oz, fuck! I have to go before he kills me!" You run away, but not before Dendy sticks her thumb up at you.
"Suckers."
The penis turns into a giant dragon with mouths for eyes.
"Come on, we got-"
You notice your friends being held up by the hands.
"Hold on guys!" You shout. "I'm coming."
You run towards them and that's when you see the lion.
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" You shout.
Suddenly, the lion's mouth closes around your throat.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Shrek begins to suck on his own toes.
"Hah! I knew that would happen." Shrek laughs.
"Shrek, you bastard, let me go!" You shout.
"Hahahahahaha! Nyet."
You suddenly look up and see to your absolute horror, Felix the Cat gripping at his face and proceeding to pull and tear at it.
"NO, FELIX NO!" You shout in horror.
Felix suddenly looks at you and shrugs.
"What?"
You sit there watching as the freaking lion pulls your head off.
The lion begins to become covered in spiders.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Shrek begins to sniff around your corpse.
"Hmm, you don't smell too bad." Shrek remarks.
You immediately grab your head and proceed to bash the fuck out of the lion.
"Oh, that feels good." You think as you continue to destroy the lion.
The spiders begin to form into people.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
And much to your disgust... the people had giant asses.
"Oh, that feels good." You think as ass juice begins to cover your face.
Suddenly, the entire room goes black.
"Ah!" You shout, grabbing your face.
The Grinch shows up.
"OH FUCK NO!" You scream.
"Told you not to leave your heart there." The Grinch says as he tears out your beating heart and proceeds to eat it.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
You feel the entire world go black.
"WAKANDA FOREVER!" Someone shouted and before you knew it, you couldn't believe you were happy to see a giant naked T'Challa who proceeded to tackle the Grinch and eat him.
YOU LATER FOUND OUT THIS TO BE A DREAM AND THAT YOU WERE KILLED IN A COLLISION.
You're in a place without pain, fear or anything at all.
"Ay what's up y'all?" You also turned to see it had Big Smoke standing right beside you with a massive fucking dick.
"Your friend, he seems really happy." Smoke says stroking his chin.
You just stare at him for a few moments. "Excuse me wh-" Suddenly the dick cums a fucking geyser of jizz that forms into the shape of a dick that launches you out of the house and into orbit. The whole time you were screaming your goddamn ass off which all stopped when the jizz ended up sending you right up the poopchute of Galactus who let out a loud "OOF!" as he felt the jizz enter his ass.
You land back in the chair and vomit.
"Sigh... Another one gone." Galactus says.
You just keep vomiting.
"Ay, y'all need to get your shit together or y'all gonna miss the bus."
You vomit again before looking up. "What bus?"
"Oh sweet Jesus, really?"
You stop talking once you notice that the person standing above you is CJ... who has the most absurdly oversized head you could possibly imagine.
"Ay, you happy now?"
CJ just stares at you blankly with his oversized head.
"Why the hell you gotta make everything so damn confusing?
Suddenly CJ screams something that was... not in his voice.
"YOU PICKED DA WRONG DREAM FOOOO!" Before you could realize what was happening, CJ started powering up. Lighting struck his head and formed an unprecedented thunderclap.
"AAAHHHHHHHHH! HELP ME, I'M OVERCHARGED AND NEED A REFREEZING!"
You immediately start running away as explosions go off around you. You look back and see that the entire city has turned into a giant freezer.
"AAAAAAHHHHH FUCK!" You wake up, but something is really fucking with your head and you can't get back to sleep.
Dr. Robotnik begins to tibbie your bibbies.
You suck the dick of a chink.
"Hmm, you still can't sleep? Here, try this..."
You wake up and find yourself in another galaxy. You look around and spot a naked Flameflower who is also covered in tattoos.
A gook fucks you up the ass.
Suddenly a space marine gives you a Smiley.
You wake up and find yourself on top of the world. You look down and notice you're about to fall off a cliff.
"What the fu-" You then notice that King Kai is staring at this whole scene... or at least you think it was King Kai for while this... thing had King Kai's outfit? His entire body was just a dick.
You then hear a booming voice.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING MY DESTINED?"
You look around and notice that the entire world has been replaced by a video game.
You let out a loud scream.
Suddenly King Kai begins to laugh.
"NO! THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!"
"Oh it is too." He says with a chuckle.
You wake up and find yourself in a whole different world.
"Oh god please no." You say.
"Good thing I'm not here to judge you then, but someone is."
"Who?"
Suddenly a lone tanuki appears.
"Oh good..." You say. "That's nor-" Suddenly Mario tackles the tanuki and fucks it.
"A chink?! A FUCKING CHINK?!"
"It wasn't me! I didn't do it! It was this tanuki!"
"It doesn't matter who did it, what matters is how you're going to fix this problem."
"But-"
"🅱🅾🆖 🅱🅾🆖 🅿🅾🅾🅿🆑🅾🅾🅿 🅿🅾🆖 🅱🅾🆖🅾🅱🅾🆖 🅱🅾🆖🅱🅾🆖🅱🅾🆖🅱🅾🆖🅱🅾🆖🅱🅾🆖 👀👀👀 🅱🅱🅱🅱🅱🅾🆖‼ 🅿🅾🆖🅱🅾🆖 Ⓜ🅾🆖🅿🅾🆖🅱🅾🆖 🅿🅾🅾🅿🆑🅾🆖 🅱1️⃣🅱🅱🅰 🅱🅾🆖 🅱🅱🅱🅱🅾🆖 🅿🅾🅿🆑🅰🅿 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🅾🆖 🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒🆒👀👀👀."
You then just walk up to Mario... when your gaze then locked onto a massive fucking marshmellow Peep with a massive fucking dick staring down at you while letting out a horrific roar.
"A FUCKING LEMON?! A FUCKING LEMON?! A FUCKING LEMON?!" You scream.
"A FUCKING WHAT?!" Mario asks.
You immediately grab Mario and hold him out in front of you. "Kill this bitch first." You say. "PLEASE KILL THIS BITCH FIRST!"
"But the fucking raisin!"
"Just promise you'll kill him."
"Fine!"
"Thank you!"
You get right in the raisin's face.
The raisin just breathes fire on you. It's so fucking hot that it burns right through your clothes and burns your skin, but you ignore this and keep staring into its eyes which seem to be the only emotion it's feeling at this very moment.
The raisin's face then turns into someone familiar.
"AW NUTS!" It says. "A PLOT NUT!"
"Cunt!" You say.
"Lemon!" It says.
"Fucking dickhead!"
At this point the raisin stops flinging insults at you and instead starts looking around.
"AW NUTS! THE VELOCIPORTER IS NUTS!" It shouts while moving erratically.
This is your chance. You pull Mario's pistol out of your pants and point it at the raisin.
The raisin suddenly sprouts giant fucking dragon wings and realistic human feet. He then begins flinging his arms around in an odd fashion and making animal noises. He then starts heading right for you and Mario.
"FUCK!"
You start running away right as Mario was stomped on. You then hear the most disgusting sound you could ever imagine.
"FUCKING A DILDO!" The raisin shouts as he flies over you, narrowly missing you.
The smell hits you then. A horrible combination of shit, piss, and rotten eggs.
You run away as fast as you can.
"AAAAAAARRRGH!" The raisin shouts.
You hear some gunshots behind you, which sound different than when you used them. You guess your pursuer isn't using the standard issue gun. Doesn't matter at this point anyway, you just need to get away.
You run down the mineshaft. It's dark, but you see an exit in the near distance.
"SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" You scream.
"I'M COMIN'FUCKINGARGH!"
You make it to the exit and find yourself in the open air, but you still hear the roar of the raisin behind you.
"FUCK! PISS! PISS! FUCK!"
You run to your right to get away from the smell. You hear the roar closer than ever, like it's right on your heels.
"AAAAAAARRRGH! I'M COMINNNNN!"
You turn around and almost pass out. The raisin is only a few feet away from you. In its hand, it holds your gun.
"WATCHYOU!"Itroars.
You didn't even notice, but the raisin had giant wings uderneathit'sclothes.
This is your chance to run.
Fuck it.
You turn to run...only to get face first into a massive pile of shit.
"Ahh!"Youscream.
The shit smells like rotten eggs and makes you retch.
"OhGodOhGodOhGod..."Yousaywhilstwipingawaythespoogeysfromyourface.
"Bleagh!"
You pick yourself up and look around, mercifully there's no sign of the raisin and you think you're safe when you see a familiar friend.
"Oh my lord, Goku. It's good to see y-"
"ALL HAIL LORD RAISIN BRAN!" Goku shouts right as he begins transforming into this horrific eldritch abomination.
Goku is now a horrible horrifying abomination. His body is changing; his nose is longer, his hair is more spiky, his clothes different.
His eyes are the worst though.
You immediately turned to run away... and ended up being confronted by the raisin.
"GET DIS NUT!" The raisin screams as it tackled you.
The raisin is incredibly strong, and pinning you down. It attacks by spitting large quantities of nuts at you.
You try to free yourself, but its holding your arms and legs down.
"NO PLEASE NO NO NO NO! HELP! AHHHH!" you scream.
Luckily for you, a group of adventurers came across the raisin catching, imprisoning, and selling raisins.
The adventurers realize that the raisin is different right away, and get you help.
The raisin keeps spitting nuts at you, three of them hit you. One in the chest, one in the face, and one in the stomach.
Then the eldritch... Goku thing tackles the adventurers and assimilates them into its being. It's now a great big ball of yellow...
You're losing consciousness.
"HNNGGG! GRRRR!"
Your vision becomes blurry and you fall backwards.
Unfortunately for you, you fell onto a giant fucking dick.
It screams.
The scream is so horrible it jars your unconsciousness, and wakes you up. You find you're alive and everything's blurry because you fainted.
Unfortunately for you though, you didn't wake up for you soon found yourself being faced with a horde of giant-ass mosquitoes on exercise balls hippity-hopping towards you.
Wait. That's...
You scream. They're mosquitoes on exercise balls, and they're trying to eat you.
Not only that but they also have giant fucking dicks.
The terrible realization hits you that you're about to be eaten by a giant mosquito mass and a legion of dick mosquitoes all while being covered in nuts.
Everything explodes in a shower of deez nuts.
You explode. The world explodes. Everything goes black then.
At this point, you sit up while screaming for dear life and turn towards King Kai and end up punching him in the face.
Penis.
"Ow! What's wrong?" You start letting out a series of heavy breaths.
"The raisins..." You say. "The fucking raisins!"
Hilda is still asleep poopy doop no you asshole shitboys Dakteam is not fucking her.
King Kai just stares at you. "What?" He asks flatly.
"The shitshow-" You answer.
"It was all a fucking shitshow." You say. "Filled with dicks, mosquitoes, dicks, raisins, FUCKING DICKS!" You scream.
"Dakt." King Kai says calm as can be. "It's okay."
You turn to King Kai. "You don't know that! In fact... oh fuck me, you're a raisin in disguise!"
You charge at King Kai, who easily dodges your attacks. He's still as expressionless as ever though. "Why didn't you kill me? You had the chance to eat me!"
"I don't know what you're talking about!" King Kai said as he catches both your fists. "Look just calm down, it was just a nightmare."
"A nightmare?! A nightmare's not real! It's made up! By the gods dammit!"
"Look, just calm down. I promise you everything is f-" Hey shitboys don't you fuck with this.
"You don't know that!" You scream.
King Kai lets out a sigh. "Man you have issues I don't even want to know about." Good keep it up shitboys.
"I'll say." You immediately turn to face Jenny who was just staring at you with a face full of confusion.
"Wait a second, Jenny?" You say. "Oh god wait, are you really Jenny or are you just going to turn out to have a really fucking massive dick?!"
"What?" Jenny asked flatly. "I'm not..." Shitboys...
"OH GOD THE WORLD'S GONNA BE DICKS AGAIN ISN'T I-" You were then knocked out cold by King Kai who gave you a simple neckchop.
"Sorry about that my friend, I had no choice." King Kai said with a sigh.
END