Not Even the Rain

by Virginia Hensley

I moved my story Not Even the Rain here from AO3. Sorry about the formatting, I will repair it eventually. "Janeway loses her eyesight in accident and needs Seven of Nine's help until she recovers."

Title: Not Even the Rain
by DarlingDoRight

Tags: Mature, Star Trek: Voyager, Kathryn Janeway/Seven of Nine, Seven of Nine, Kathryn Janeway, F/F, No Archive Warnings Apply

Summary:

Captain Janeway loses her eyesight in an accident and requires Seven of Nine's assistance until she heals.

Notes:

"I don't know what it is about you that closes and opens. Only, something in me understands. The voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses. And nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands." Places I Have Never Travelled by E.E. Cummings

Published at: 2019-12-18
Revised at: 2020-01-28 15:13:49 -0500

Chapter 1

Seven of Nine felt like the lonliest woman alive. She emerged from her alcove already anxious. She glanced around the empty cargo bay and sighed. She opened her checklist for the day. Between her long hours of work, she had scheduled betterment activities. She changed into a clean jumpsuit, grabbed a stack of datapads, and headed for the Astrometrics Lab for her solitary workday.
At lunchtime, Seven joined her crewmates in the cafeteria for her nutritional supplements. The Captain found her lingering in the hall with her supplements and demanded to know what she was doing.

"Nothing, just waiting for a seat," she tried.

"There," the Captain pointed to an empty seat at a crowded table.

Seven hesitated. She popped her supplements in her mouth and shrugged.

"No need. I've already eaten."

The Captain frowned at her.

"You are too antisocial, Seven. Join the crew for lunch."

Seven glanced at them wearily before walking over and taking the empty seat. Everyone looked at her strangely and ceased conversation. She felt prompted to speak but she didn't know what to say.

"Crewmates," she addressed them seriously. "I wish to join your activity."

They only stared at her. She eventually awkwardly glanced away and they resumed their meal in total silence. Seven felt that the next ten minutes of silence lasted an eternity. Finally she stood and abruptly told them goodbye. When she was gone, they exchanged humorous glances.

---

Seven was working in her lab when the Captain entered.

"Why didn't you make small talk?"

"What is small talk, Captain?"

"Casual conversation."

"Teach me then," Seven replied dismissively without turning from her console.

"You look nice in that jumpsuit," the Captain started brightly.

"I am aware, Captain. The crew communicates that to me often."

"You should express gratitude."

"Why? You stated the obvious."

"I complimented your body."

"I thought you complimented my jumpsuit."

Janeway hesitated. "Uh. I did. And you should thank people who compliment you."

"What if their compliment is a simple statement of truth?"

Janeway thought about that and couldn't really rationalize an answer.

"Fine. You're the sexiest woman I've ever seen."

Seven froze. She forced herself to breathe.

"Thank you, Captain."

"No, I was making a point. I overstated the truth in a complimentary fashion."

"From your own observations."

"No," Janeway started but ceased. "Was that a joke, Seven?"

She smiled.

"It was."

The Captain laughed.

"It was funny."

"Thank you for the compliment."

Janeway felt herself blushing but she had no idea why. She wanted to press the issue but she couldn't presently remember which issue she was even pressing. Something about Seven just made her press. She finally sighed.

"Are you having trouble making friends?"

Seven tensed.

"Do you have friends?"

The Captain walked to her.

"Maybe we should be friends," she told her quietly.

Seven tried to modulate her erratic breathing.

"Are you asking me to be your friend, Captain?"

Is she clarifying or cornering her? Janeway can never tell but she hates defensive postures.

"I'm saying you need a friend," she began sternly but softened. "And I told you I would help you."

Seven bristled.

"Oh. I see."

"So are we friends?" Janeway asked her, growing annoyed.

"Are you asking for my friendship?"

"I am stating the nature of our relationship is friendly."

"Then we are already friends."

"Seven, why are you being so obtuse?"

"Because I sense you are not being sincere, Captain."

That surprised her. Now she has senses.

"You think I'm not sincerely your friend?"

"I think you don't sincerely care about understanding my impediments to actual friendship aboard Voyager."

Damn, she's smart. But she probably thinks of this nonstop, huh?

"I do care. I said I would help. I am your friend."

Seven sighed. She felt their conversation was pointless. Janeway never really invests in anything. Janeway never actually listens to anyone. Janeway doesn't authentically care about Seven or Seven's happiness.

"I am working, Captain."

Janeway hated how Seven dismissed her. If she was a Starfleet officer, she'd know better than to do that. But Seven has alien manners, human manners confuse and overwhelm her. Trying to impose the notion of Respect never went over well with Seven. To say she recoiled from force was too say too little. Her reaction to force was volatile. As a survivor, Seven hated and feared the abusive use of force. Janeway had learned that the hard way.

"I'm not leaving until we're friends."

"Tell me how to accomplish the task."

"Say something friendly," Janeway nearly shouted at her.

"You are quite charming, Captain. You have beautiful hands. The tone of your voice when gentle is terribly soothing."

"You used terribly incorrectly."

"Did I?"

She breathed. She really wasn't ready for Seven to say all that. She didn't know Seven thought of her. She didn't know Seven admired her. But Seven was correct, Captain Janeway's charms were terrible and she used them terribly.

"Thank you, Seven," she finally admitted and glanced at the door. She knew she was defeated.

"To answer your question, no, I don' t have friends, Seven. But I am always engaged. You are always alone. It isn't healthy."

Seven breathed and waited.

"I worry about you," the Captain conveyed quietly.

She felt the honesty in her tone.

"Thank you, Captain. I worry about you, too."

That also surprised her.

"Then I guess ... we are friends."

Seven nodded without turning. She was exhausted with trying to impose manners on the Borg so she simply left.

Seven glanced at her as she departed. When she was gone, Seven meditated on her loneliness at length again. She wished she could run down the corridor and catch her, leap on her and hug her, kiss her and tell her she cared for her. But she didn't even know how to touch another person. She didn't know how to care or convey care. And she felt that no person aboard Voyager would be more unhappy with her for expressing her true feelings than Janeway.

Janeway doesn't want Seven to develop into a healthy autonomous human being. She wants Seven of Nine as her Borg slave. And there's nothing Seven can practically do to change that. Janeway refuses to even discuss her true feelings or give access to her authentic self.

Seven shook her anxious thoughts away with exhaustion and resumed her complicated work.

---

"Chakotay. My cabin. Let's have a pow-wow."

He hesitated. "Was that a racial slur?"

"Against brainstorming?"

"You know I'm descended from Native Americans."

"Yes, from Grand Chief BrainStorming. He left a long legacy."

"Pow-wow is insensitive slang."

"Save your grievances for the pow-wow, Chakotay."

Well. At least she used it correctly that time.

---

He accepted the coffee she shoved at him and sat in her chair.

She launched into her observations.

"Seven of Nine is not making friends."

Chakotay sipped his coffee with a grimace and waited. Is her sugar hand broken or?

"How can we troubleshoot?"

He contemplated how to explain the situation to her.

"Seven doesn't mean to be, but she's quiet alienating."

"How so?" Janeway asked him seriously.

"Well, she's quite beautiful, she's a genius, she has no concept of manners. The crew are intimidated as hell by her."

Janeway frowned unhappily and furrowed her dense little brow.

"So she can't be friends with men. She's too beautiful for that."

Chakotay nodded.

"What about women?"

He sighed and began, "it's equally intimidating. And her unwareness is probably the issue. Seven doesn't realize how she affects people. She makes people insecure. Women take it

worst."

Janeway sat in defeat.

"You're right. And we can't exactly ugly her up although that jumpsuit isn't helping. Maybe if we shave her head and give her a baggy tunic."

"That will help her confidence," he added sarcastically.

Janeway sighed.

"What do you recommend?" she huffed.

He sat down his cup and pondered her.

"Why are you acting like you care?" he finally asked her seriously.

She bristled. "I'm tired of that suggestion. I put myself on the line to rescue Seven and I have pulled out all stops to accommodate her."

He sighed. "You act like she's an object."

"Exactly. Everyone treats her like a sex object."

He rolled his eyes. She isn't even listening.

"Why don't you be her friend, Janeway?"

"Me?"

He smiled. "Does she make you insecure?"

She huffed. "Of course not. She's superior to me in every way but that doesn't matter. I'm not in competition with her."

"What if I had a crush on her?" he asked carefully.

"Do you?!"

He chuckled. "I thought you aren't in competition with her."

"I'm the supervisor of fraternizing, Chakotay. Are you going to flirt with her?"

"I was making a point, Captain. I don't have a crush on Seven. I don't think it would matter much if I did."

"What does that mean?" she inquired curiously.

He eyed her. Does she really want to know?

"I don't pretend to be an authority on female sexuality, but Seven doesn't strike me as exactly ..."

"What? Do you think she's an autoerotic?"

"You wish," he mused. "She strikes me as a lesbian."

She froze and looked out her window.

"Oh."

He grinned. That's how he thought she would react.

"So should we ... help her meet a woman?"

She glared at him. She couldn't form a response so she glowered in silence.

"Actually, I think there's a sexy lesbian in the mechanic bay. I'll ask B'Ellana."

She stared out the window. He eyed her.

"There's no need to pry. Seven will be fine."

"Don't you want to see her with a woman who makes her truly happy?"

Her jaw flexed. Her heard her teeth grinding.

"Absolutely."

"Then I'll set something up. I'm proud of you, Captain. I thought when you started this conversation you weren't serious about her happiness."

She was finished with the pretense. He had won. She waved a hand to dismiss him.

"Do as I have commanded. You're dimissed."

She definitely didn't command anything but he left with a smile anyway.

She stood and stode to her window. She tried not to think about the great, pulsing loneliness which set in on her the instant he left. She looked out into the stars and she swore she heard them crying.

She felt like the lonliest woman alive.

Chapter 2

Seven alerted to the emergency override of her alcove.

"RED ALERT VOYAGER. ALL HANDS TO BATTLE STATIONS."

She ran from the Cargo Bay still zipping her jumpsuit. She arrived on the bridge to find the crew assembled at their stations. The Captain was shouting orders over the sirens and exploding missiles against their dwindling shields. Seven ran to her manifold and began assisting.

Ten hours later, they were still battling.

"Tom, when can we get the hell out of here?"

"We're stuck, Captain. I'm doing all I can but without Warp, we're sitting ducks in hostile air space."

"Tuvok, diplomacy?"

"We tried, Captain. Still trying. They won't negotiate."

"Seven?"

"We're losing the ability to sustain the ship's safety."

"Reinforce the shields."

"Voyager says something is offline below decks."

"Tuvok, take a team into the Jefferies tubes and find the problem."

"The crew are engaged but I will go alone."

"Be careful."

---

Voyager shook and the entire bridge shuddered. Seven watched in horror as Janeway was thrown from her seat. She scrambled to Seven's manifold.

"Why isn't Tuvok back?" she asked Seven as she crawled to her.

Seven shook her head. "He isn't responding to the comm."

Janeway gave her a long look and clung to the bent handrail.

"Hold the bridge, Seven. I'm going to find Tuvok and fix the shields."

"Captain, no," but she was already scrambling toward the busted door.

"I said to hold the bridge, Annika," she gave her one last long look and smiled at her, "I know you can."

---

Chakotay dropped a hand on Seven's shoulder and she started.

"I told you to regenerate, Seven of Nine."

She breathed. She knew he wouldn't scold her. They were equally worried.

"How will I know when the Captain wakes?"

He sighed.

"The doctor said it might be a long time or-"

"Don't say that. The doctor errs constantly. He doesn't know what she's capable of."

"Seven, go regenerate. I promise to get you if ... when she wakes."

She rested a hand on her head and brushed her hair away from the bandages covering her face.

Chakotay breathed.

"She saved Tuvok's life. The blast rolled right over him."

"She's a woman of incredible duty. And courage."

He smiled sadly at her.

"Tuvok said she was still reading the panel when the flames covered her. The doctor thinks her corneas were scorched. If that's the case, she will never regain her eye sight. And under that condition, she will surely surrender her post as Captain."

Seven looked in his eyes anxiously.

"She has devoted her entire life to Captaining this ship. It isn't fair to take that from her because she was too successful in her fearless actions to save this ship and its crew. If she hadn't reactivated the sheilds, we would all be dead."

"I agree. But Janeway won't feel that way. She will see the loss of her eyesight as a personal failure."

Seven stared at her beautiful red hair cast on the pillow.

"She won't lose her sight. Don't count her out, Chakotay. Never underestimate this woman."

He nodded.

"You're right. If there's a chance, she'll fight for it," he meditated on his words as he stared at the Captain passionately.

---

Seven was still in the hall when she heard the doctor call for help. By the time she made her way into the Medical Bay, the doctor was gone.

Janeway's irritated voice rang out.

"Computer, replicate coffee black."

"Yes, Captain."

"Also, Computer?"

"Yes?"

"Where is the replicator?"

"Beside the Doctor's desk."

"Right. And where am I?"

Seven watched her from the door.

"By medical bay bed 4, Captain."

She realized the computer was not capable of guiding her to the replicator. She began sniffing the air for her coffee. She smiled when she smelled it. She slid from her bed with her arms out ahead and began to stumble toward the smell of her coffee.

Seven stopped her before she drank the rubbing alcohol.

"Captain, may I please assist?"

"Seven?" she asked brightly.

"Captain, did you deactivate the doctor?"

She had zero control over her lying face without her sight to inform her of Seven's level of credulity.

"No," ordinarily she'd add a detail to sell it but for all she knew, the doctor was deactivated right beside her.

"He gets really upset when you do that."

"I warned him," she told her voice darkly.

Seven gently took her arm and walked her to a chair.

"The coffee is hot. I'm placing it in your hands. Please be careful."

She grasped it and drank it hot. She sighed and smiled.

"Seven, the doctor thinks he's going to keep me here for another three weeks."

"You need to heal, Captain."

"I need to Captain, Seven."

Seven relented her attitude when she realized how anxious and overwhelmed the Captain felt.

"Let me walk you to your cabin and help you freshen up and do a few things. I'll be good to get out of the MedBay."

"Or. Counteroffer: I shove you aside when I run past you to my cabin where I will do everything I want myself including not returning to the MedBay."

Seven wondered how she could be so detached from reality as to think she was capable of those things.

"Captain, you're wearing a MedBay tunic. While I love the mental image of you dashing down the hall with the back of your gown flapping open, coffee spilling everywhere, hair sticking straight up ... I can't let that happen."

The Captain frowned. She pulled at her tunic self consciously. Seven observed her sympathetically.

"Do you remember that I escorted Tuvok when he temporarily lost his sight?"

"I don't need an escort. I just need to be left alone."

God, she's stubborn.

"Captain, Chakotay is on an away mission. He left me in command."

Janeway saluted the air sarcastically. Seven rolled her eyes.

"So I am going to reactivate the doctor, escort you to your cabin and assist you until Chakotay returns to arbitrate."

Janeway had no control over her big grin or the cocky things it conveyed.

"Lead the way," she said with a gesture. She gestured toward the wall and Seven sighed. This was going to be like caring for a contrary 40 year old baby.

---

When they made it to the elevator, Janeway pressed the wrong button and Seven popped her hand.

"That's insubordination!"

"You pressed the Cargo Bay button. We're going to have to ride it all the way down and back up to your cabin."

"When did they move the buttons?"

Seven rolled her eyes.

"Captain, please walk behind me. Walking behind you is like chasing a toddler."

"I've never toddled in my life," Janeway told the wall.

Seven took her small hand and placed it on her waist. She was surprised when she felt Janeway's small fingers clinging to the tight fabric of her jumpsuit.

"Huh. I always thought this thing was painted on."

"Very cute," Seven muttered as she exited into Janeway's foyer with the Captain in tow.

"Captain Janeway, security," she told the door and it slid open.

"You can wait outside," Janeway told her.

"Nice try. I'll be here when you need me."

She saw how Janeway's face contorted at her use of the word 'need'.

"Listen, I appreciate you bringing me up here but this is my cabin. I know how to get around in here."

"Yes, ma'am," Seven tried to check her tone as she sat in the Captain's chair and watched her fumbling.

She went to her bed until she fell against it. Then she used the bed to feel her way to her armoire. She reached inside to feel of her outfits. She pulled out the wrong one and tossed it on the bed.

"Captain," Seven began.

"Seven, I can dress myself," Janeway snapped at her.

She sighed and let her pull her pants on backwards before trying again.

"Uh oh. Damn. No problem, I'll just ... shit where's the zipper?"

Seven watched her patiently.

"Since when does this have buttons?"

Seven watched her misbutton her admiral jacket and pull on mismatched socks and knot her shoelaces. She finally stood, looking ridiculous, grinning like a child. She puffed out her chest and showed Seven her handiwork proudly.

"How do I look?" she asked confidently.

Seven smiled and began carefully.

"You look beautiful, Captain," she told her as she walked to her.

"See? It's a cakewalk."

Seven gently pulled at her buttons and Janeway let her realign them.

"Did I dress in my admiral's outfit?" she finally asked.

Seven 'mmmhmmm'ed to her quietly as she tucked her shirt tail into her pants.

"Please sit so I can fix your socks and shoes. You're wearing one blue and one white with running shoes."

"I'm going running later," she tried. Seven fixed her socks and changed her to appropriate shoes.

Seven took her to the bathroom, tied a towel around her neck like a bib and handed her a toothbrush. She carefully brushed the Captain's hair. She washed the toothpaste off her face. Janeway was silent so she walked her back into her cabin and helped her to get comfortable. She brought her coffee and a datapad.

"Tell it to read itself aloud," Seven told her as she brushed back her hair comfortingly.

Janeway sighed. Seven could tell she was thinking.

"I'm pretty helpless, huh?" she eventually asked.

"Captain, you'll be well soon. Do not worry."

"The doctor was right. I need constant supervision."

"Just for a few days. You'll get the hang of it. Then your sight will return. There is no reason to stress."

"The doctor said he was going to escort me. And honestly. I can barely deal with him for five minutes at a time in the MedBay. I can't imagine how hard I would throttle him if he tried to change my socks. He's not even qualified to use a hair brush."

Seven giggled. "He's a highly capable medical professional."

"He told me we would be singing a lot ..."

Oh no. Seven laughed.

"I guess that's why you deactivated him."

"Correction: I threw the hot chocolate on him and he deactivated."

Seven sighed.

"Captain. We project your healing will take at least a month."

She sat with anxiety.

"I can't ... that's too long. Who will Captain the ship?"

Seven walked to her and dropped a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"You will. With my assistance."

Seven watched her face as it cycled through her emotions. Finally, she rested on defeat.

"You helped me," Seven told her quietly. "Let me help you."

"Seven ..." she began in a fragile tone, "if the crew sees me like this, fumbling and helpless with a Borg correcting my mistakes ... they'll lose all respect for me."

Seven didn't think that was the case but she knew the Captain was embarrassed and overwhelmed. She observed the helpless woman sympathetically and finally realized what she needed to hear.

"I'm not correcting your mistakes. I'm lonely. I need a friend. Please let me stay with you? I don't have anywhere to go or anyone to talk to."

The Captain suspected she was going to cajole her but she didn't expect Seven to fall fully on her sword. There was nothing she hated discussing more than her loneliness. There was nothing that left her weaker than acknowledging her need of companionship. The Captain knew she was posturing but she also realized she would require a constant escort and Seven was the best candidate.

"Fine. You can stay. Any more insubordination, you're dismissed."

"I understand," Seven told her with a careful smile.

Chapter 3
End Notes:

The Mud Pony is the first book that belonged to me and it made an indelible impression on my soul.

Seven gasped. She took Janeway's wrist suddenly. A shadow of guilt passed over the Captain's face.

"What happened to your hand?" she asked as she inspected her blistered fingers carefully.

"Turns out the replicator gets hot."

"Oh, Captain."

"If you stick your hand in while its still working."

Seven brushed her hair back to scrutinize the bruise on her temple.

"And what happened here?"

Janeway slumped her shoulders.

"I actually don't know. I assume I walked into something. I suspect there's a bloody cabinet corner somewhere."

Seven clasped her forearm comfortingly.

"What are your plans for the day, Captain Janeway?"

"I would like to go to my office to catch up on my paperwork but I don't think I can face the crew yet. Would you mind helping me bring me work to my cabin for the day instead?"

"Of course," Seven told her. "Let's make a list of what I should bring and I'll retrieve it while you're in the shower."

Janeway felt for her body and ran her seeking hand along Seven's arm until it found her hand.

"Can you tell me which bottles are which in the shower? Pretty sure I shampooed my butt yesterday."

Seven checked her laugh as she walked her to the bathroom.

"Okay. Warm water is running. Hair products are forward, shampoo on left, conditioner on right. Body products are rear."

The Captain dropped her robe right in front of Seven and Seven blushed brightly. Oh my God. That is her body. Janeway tilted her head.

"Anything else?"

"No," Seven told her. "I'm going to your office. I'll be right back."

---

Seven approached her makeshift desk and sat down her fresh coffee. Janeway smelled the coffee and smiled.

"I'm finished reading, well, listening. I need to make several reports, correspondences and address some other issues."

"Your module has a dictation function."

"It makes a lot of errors."

Seven peered at her face. Oh, typos reflect badly on her.

"Will you dictate to me, then? I'll type."

Janeway smiled.

"When is dinner?"

"As soon as we finish. Do you want to go to the cafeteria?"

"Let's eat here. We will start visiting the crew and return to the bridge for duty in a few days."

Seven nodded but realized she needed to voice all her comments.

"Yes, ma'am."

---

Janeway jerked her face and Seven released her patiently.

"Also my hands are sticky," she added as she held them out. Seven wiped them with her wet cloth.

"And my hair is," she flapped it irritably, "in my face."

Seven combed her fingers through her locks and pulled them into a ponytail.

"Did you assign a team to run the Astrometrics Lab?" Janeway asked.

Seven hesitated.

"I will tomorrow if you wish. I had intended to complete my work tonight while you rest."

"Don't you need to regenerate?"

"Not really. I do that mostly for your peace of mind. I can function off very little regeneration."

"Don't you get tired?"

Seven acknowledged how much easier she is to lie to without her sight.

"No."

The Captain was silent.

"Seven, I appreciate all you're doing for me," she breathed, "But don't lie to me. It's disrespectful."

"I apologize, Captain Janeway. I didn't want you to worry about me."

"Did I say there is only one acceptable reason to lie to me or did I say lying to me is disrespectful?"

"I apologize, Captain. I have tremendous respect for you."

The Captain was silent so Seven continued her tidying. Janeway rubbed her thumb in circles over her fingertips, in the manner she always did while thinking.

"Must you regenerate or are you capable of human sleep?"

Seven dreaded the Captain's constant interference in her private life but she acquiesced.

"I am capable but I do not have a bed."

"I wouldn't mind helping ... if its open for discussion."

Seven thought, it's not open for discussion. You want to force me to sleep because you entertain the belief you know best. You never even consider why I might be avoiding sleep, what the fallout of your force might be, how I will cope with the anxiety alone once your interference has harmed me.

"How do you presume to help?"

Janeway laughed.

"I probably deserve this attitude."

It's so cute how when you shut down me down and refuse to let me interface, the slightest expression of my frustration becomes 'attitude' in your callous verbiage.

Seven sighed. "Please clarify your desire, Captain."

Janeway meditated and was silent for long minutes while Seven readied the Captain's cabin for the night.

Janeway finally addressed her, "Annika?"

She turned at her gentle tone. "Yes, ma'am?"

"I'm being really selfish."

"No-" Seven began with regret.

"Let me finish," Janeway interrupted her interruption. "I know you don't want or need my interference in your personal development. Truthfully," she didn't know why it was easier to be honest without her sight to inform her of how Seven was receiving her confession, "I was anxious last night. I always sleep alone but it was ... different. Intense. And I managed to hurt myself three times before you returned to help me."

"Three times?" Seven asked. She definitely only counted two.

Janeway lifted her pants leg guiltily to show a bruise on her shin.

"I swear someone sharpened the corners of the coffee table. And moved it to the middle of the floor."

Seven walked to her. She didn't know if she was permitted to touch her but she didn't know what to say and she wanted the Captain to know she was listening and being affected.

"I'm sorry I tried to make it about you. It's not about you. It's about me. I would like you," Janeway lost courage and forced herself to continue, "to stay."

Seven ran her fingertips on the Captain's shoulder.

"I will comply," she told her gently.

Janeway realized she was beaming and tried to correct her face. She had already lost memory of how to accomplish that. Luckily her eyes were bandaged so Seven only had half her face to read like a datapad.

"I'll replicate the needed objects while you're in the shower."

Apparently Janeway needs a shower. She smiled guiltily.

"Hey, replicate a book, please. I like to read before I fall asleep."

"What is a book, Captain Janeway?"

Janeway laughed.

"A book is an antique object used to transfer information via print on paper. It's how we used to read before datapads."

"I see. Which datapad," she forgot the word, "or 'boke' should I replicate?"

"It's 'book' and please replicate a traditional Pawnee myth called The Mud Pony."

"Yes ma'am," Seven told her as she unzipped her jacket and pulled it over Janeway's extended arms.

Janeway lifted her arms for Seven to remove her shirt and wondered why. The jacket zips behind her back but she's otherwise capable of undressing. She lowered her arms awkwardly and Seven noticed.

"I'll warm up the shower for you," she told her as she left her alone.

Janeway kicked off her shoes and wandered to the bathroom. Seven heard her bump against the closed door.

"Why did you close the door?"

"I thought you were undressing," Seven told her honestly.

"In my dining area?"

Seven realized she had made it obvious how hard she was avoiding seeing Janeway undress.

"I'm sorry, Captain. I do not understand the concept of privacy."

Janeway laughed as she came through the door wearing only her bra and panties. Seven stifled her gasp.

"Would you like me to elucidate or are you telling me I'm making you uncomfortable?"

Seven contemplated that.

"I fear making you uncomfortable."

"If you need to retch, the toilet is in that direction. I think."

Seven laughed awkwardly.

"Don't tell me I'm wearing five sports bras with a thong."

Seven laughed again.

"Your sense of humor is perfectly healthy," Seven told her as she opened the curtain and tried to slide past her in the small room.

Janeway stopped her with a hand. Seven wondered how she was capable of sensing where to place her hand. Janeway ran her fingers on the material of Seven's jumpsuit. Seven took her hand and moved it to a folded towel she placed on the sink.

"This is your clean towel," she released her. "And your folded pajamas. Your robe is hanging on the back of the door."

"Thank you, Seven of Nine," Janeway told her as she exited the room in a hurry.

"Captain?"

"Yes?" the Captain asked her with a smile.

"What is a mud pony?"

Janeway laughed. "You'll find out soon enough. It's the answer to a prayer."

Seven knew what prayers were.

"I'll be ready for bed when you're finished."

"Seven?" she stopped to listen.

"Thank you for staying."

"Yes, ma'am," Seven replied. After she closed the door, she reflected on her racing heart and realized she was childishly excited to spend the night with the Captain.

Chapter 4

Seven lay awake in the Captain's bed. She watched Captain Janeway sleeping and meditated on the woman who had interfered with and uprooted her entire life. After two years aboard Voyager, she still didn't know how she felt about Janeway's actions. There were things about being an individual which she took great pleasure in. The simple kindness and thoughtful care some of her crewmates showed her was a deeply affecting experience. But they weren't all kind to her, some were quite callous and cold to her. She was hurt by and didn't understand that treatment. Seven loved expanding her heart and mind through her new human experiences, that would never be allowed in the Borg Collective. Yet the lonliness which she bore as a consequence of her inviduality was a terrible experience. Although Seven never felt fear or sorrow while a member of the Borg, she also never felt inspiration or kindness.

The Captain shifted and Seven watched to see if she would unconsciously try to pull at her bandage again. She raised a hand and Seven gently blocked it. She rolled toward Seven and stilled. Seven noticed the downy hair around her temples, the cowlick on her crown, the soft texture of her skin. Seven wondered why she felt so attached to her. The Captain's treatment of her was often cold, unrealistic, harsh and demanding. The Captain often objectified her without being conscious of it or caring to be conscious of it. She routinely forced Seven beyond her level of comfort. She often barked at Seven for minor or imagined infractions.

While a member of the Borg, Seven of Nine made several attempts to murder Captain Janeway and her crew. When the Captain severed her from the Collective, she repeated her attempt to kill Janeway. She hoped the Captain would become angry and reject her. But the Captain had only dodged her blows, looped her arms around Seven and held her in her lap while Seven struggled and squirmed. Seven had voiced a series of threats and insults, to which Janeway responded by repeating her assurances. She had promised Seven she would never stop helping her to heal. Seven was more wounded and broken by that comment than any other she could have made. She didn't want Janeway's help. She wanted Janeway to give up and abandon her so she could return to the numbness of captivity. But the Captain had assured her she would never give up on her. The Captain had promised she would always support and help her.

Everything seemed to change when Seven became human. The Captain had initially looked upon her with fear, then with interest, then with acceptance and even affection. But when Seven transformed into a woman, the Captain began withholding from her. Then she looked at Seven with hesitance, when she looked at her at all. Often she avoided meeting the imploring blue eyes and their open, thoughtful gaze. Often she dismissed Seven from a conversation or excused her from a meeting. Although some people commented to her that the Captain was intimidated by her, she didn't understand what she had done to disappoint Janeway. She didn't know why she wanted so badly for the Captain to look at her like she once had, with care and compassion. She didn't know why she longed for the Captain's approval and pride in her development.

Janeway suddenly bolted upright and gasped.

"Annika?" she asked frantically.

Seven's hand darted out to touch her before her mouth could remind the Captain of her presence. Janeway clung to her hand.

"I'm here, Captain. Everything is all right."

Janeway breathed heavily and clenched Seven's hand.

"I dreamed ..." she began and stopped.

Seven waited for her to continue but she didn't.

"I had a nightmare."

Seven conjected that a nightmare was a frightening dream.

"I am sorry Captain. We are both safe in your cabin."

Janeway breathed and eventually asked, "Are you laying awake?"

She hesitated but remembered the Captain asked her not to demur.

"I am. I have tried to sleep but I cannot."

Janeway gathered her courage and eventually asked, "May I embrace you, Seven?"

Seven felt her heart jump into her throat.

"Yes, ma'am," she told her.

She felt the Captain slide against her and snuggle against the back of her body. The Captain ran her hand around Seven's hip and tucked it under her hip.

Seven felt her body growing warm. She hoped her heart would cease its erratic beating before the Captain became aware. She felt Janeway rub her face against Seven's neck and drop her head against Seven's.

"Thank you, Seven. I feel much calmer. Are you comfortable?"

Seven tried to modulate her breathing and tone.

"Yes, ma'am."

"So do I," the Captain whispered as she drifted to stillness again.

Seven had not been held since she was a baby. She wondered why the experience was so consuming. Her mind tried to race through its sweeping computations but she found it hard to focus. She felt her eyelids drifting closed. She suddenly realized she was falling asleep and she was afraid. Where would she go? What would she experience? What if something frightening happened to her? How would she escape?

She felt the Captain's grip on her tighten as she snuggled against her and pressed her face in Seven's hair.

She felt that same terror of growing attached to Janeway and losing her like she lost her parents. Her mind projected the frantic fear that Janeway would only reject her in the morning and once again keep her at an isolating distance. Part of her wished she could run from the Captain's bed and never be faced with her complex feelings again. But the fever of her fear soon broke and that heavenly elation once again filled her mind.

The beauty of Captain Janeway. The courage of Captain Janeway. The promise Janeway gave her. The kindness Janeway showed her. She thought of the promises Janeway had made her. Janeway would always help her. Janeway would always forgive her. Janeway would always care for her. Janeway would never leave her. Seven wanted so badly for those things to be true. Seven wanted so badly to be the object of the Captain's pride and approval.

Soon the incessant tug of war between her heart and mind ceased. She realized her breathing had relaxed and synched to Janeway's breathing. She finally fully calmed and allowed herself to sink into the silent bliss of Janeway's safe embrace. Her eyes closed.

She ran to the stream and splashed the water on her face to wash away her painful tears. She dug into the clay and began to shape it into a pony. As she watched it transform, she saw that her mud pony was Captain Janeway. She wanted so badly to have her, to keep her, to protect and care for her. She wanted so badly to know the Captain was hers. She wanted so badly to be promised the Captain would never be taken or leave her.

Janeway knew that Seven had fallen asleep in her embrace. She reflected internally on how proud she was of Seven of Nine. She reflected on her attachment to Seven. Something about having Seven in her arms illuminated and soothed her worried mind. She realized that holding Seven was the calmest she had ever been. She realized she wanted to keep Seven safe in her arms forever.

---

Janeway ran her hands down her outfit nervously.

"You look perfect, Captain," Seven assured her as she pinned her communicator to her chest.

Janeway inhaled and tried to organize her mind. She wondered if she had ever been so anxious or overwhelmed.

"Captain, remember. When I need to communicate something to you, I will touch you here."

Seven lightly touched the back of her arm.

"Instead of acknowledging when you are making an unintentional mistake, I will embrace your elbow like this."

Seven hooked her hand on Janeway's elbow.

"Thank you, Seven," Janeway told her softly.

Seven ignored the comment to continue.

"When all is well, I will encourage you by touching your back," she touched her back. "Like this."

"When I am leading you around a space, I would like you to place your hand here," she moved the Captain's hand to her side.

"If you want me to stop, squeeze."

Janeway let her hand drop.

"Is there anything else you might need to covertly communicate, Captain?"

She thought.

"When we are alone together, I would like to use our personal names. Are you comfortable with that?"

Seven was surprised by the apparent nonsequitur but she told her yes.

"So I'll call you Annika and you can call me," for some reason she hesitated before saying her own name, "Kate."

Seven was so grateful that the Captain could not see her face. She felt her cheeks burning with a blush.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Kate."

She inhaled. "Yes, Kate."

"You can also drop the formality when we're alone."

"I ... will try. I like formality. But I will try."

Kate smiled. "That's all I ask. Thank you, Annika."

She heard Seven swallow.

"If you get overwhelmed or simply wish to exit a situation, I would like to ..." she fumbled at how to word her thoughts. "I would like to pretend it is me who wishes to retreat instead. We should designate a signal so I can announce that I wish to depart and need you to accompany me."

Janeway was suddenly overwhelmed by how intuitive and caring Seven was being to her. She reached to take her hand and squeeze it.

"Is that the signal?" Seven asked.

"No," Janeway breathed. "I just ... thank you, Seven. Thank you so much for your help."

Seven once again felt her face burn with a blush.

"You helped me, Capt-" she stopped herself, "Kate. And honestly. I take pleasure in it. Not in your helplessness but in being of use and service to you."

She thought she saw Kate's cheeks pinkening below her bandaged eyes. The Captain pulled her close and rubbed her back tenderly.

Seven froze. She could heard the blood rushing in her ears from her rapidly beating heart.

"This is the signal. For being ready to leave."

Seven laughed a little. "Right. Okay."

She turned from Kate and her small hands fell away.

"Are you ready?"

The Captain drew a breath and smiled.

"Yeah. Let's do this."

"All will go well, Kate," Seven told her gently.

Kate felt her heart swell with pride in her little Borg drone. She knew Seven doubted her humanity. And yet, she was probably the most empathetic and caring person aboard Voyager. Kate wondered how Seven was able to be more human than human. This was the little girl whose humanity was torn from her by force. And yet she found the courage not just to learn to care again but to grow even more caring than her counterparts. In losing her humanity, she grew an even greater humanity. A lot of people would have been broken by Annika's experience. But Annika found the courage to face her loss and sorrow. Annika found the strength to heal and begin again.

When she felt Seven taking her arm to lead her to the elevator, she was overcome with affection for the woman who had become her caring protector and thoughtful helper.

Chapter 5

Janeway raised her arm to slap the Doctor's hand away. Seven caught her by the forearm.

"Doctor, the Captain is ready to retire to her cabin."

"Just as soon as I finish my examination."

Janeway reached for her suit and clung to the tight fabric.

"Doctor, the Captain will return in a few days for her follow up."

"But I need to-"

"We've had a long day on the bridge and I require the Captain's presence elsewhere. Thank you for your assistance."

He squinted at her. "Can I at least apply some balm to her burns?"

"There's no need. I apply it nightly when I clean her face."

He raised his eyebrows. The Captain stood and Seven stepped between her and the Doctor.

"Thank you, Doctor. Good evening."

Seven smiled at him until he stepped aside. Janeway couldn't help but grin as she was led away.

---

They were silent until the cabin door slid shut. The Captain squeezed her side and she halted.

"Yes, Captain?"

"I'm Kate in the cabin, Annika."

"Yes, Kate?"

"I can't believe how well that went."

"There's a reason you're the Captain, Kate. You're highly adaptable. And the crew rightly hold you in high regard."

Seven unfastened her cuffs and collar, removed her communicator and medallions and waited while she kicked off her shoes. The Captain seemed to fall into contemplation as Seven led her to the bathroom where she pushed her to lean against the counter and clipped her hair back. The Captain raised her arms so Seven lifted her undershirt off her small shoulders and laid it aside. The Captain unfastened and removed her belt, Seven noted something subtly sexual in the action. She ignored her quickening pulse as she wet a cloth to wipe the Captain's make up away.

Kate laid her small hands on Annika's hips as she lifted her face obediently. Her fingers idly twirled, as they were prone to do when she was thinking.

"What is it, Kate?" Seven finally asked as she sat the cloth aside and appraised the blistered skin around her grey eyes.

"They sort of treat you strangely."

She heard Annika swallow. "How so?"

She smirked. "You know how so."

Annika raised Kate's face by her chin.

"I do not take it personally, Kate. They fear the Borg. With good reason."

She lifted her face for Annika's scrutiny.

"Annika, be honest with me, please. How bad is it?"

She drew a careful breath. "The Doctor is prone to exaggeration, Kate."

"I said-"

"We will not know until the skin heals enough for your eyes to open. Only then can we assess the damage to your vision. The Doctor projects his worries, but according to my studies, the miracle of human vision lies mostly in the brain. Human health is often mysterious and in accordance with the determination of human will. We both know your determination is perfectly intact."

She watched the shadow of anxiety darken her features. She lifted her hands to Seven's wrists.

"Thank you, Annika," she told her softly.

"Thank you, Kate, for sacrificing your vision - temporarily - in order to save us."

She smiled despite her anxiety.

"You always know what to say," she mused sweetly.

Annika was grateful she couldn't see how the compliment affected her. She waited and eventually cleared her throat.

"Do you want to shower before I reapply your bandage?"

Kate nodded. Seven turned to run the hot water and grab a towel. Kate let her hands fall from her reluctantly.

"Your shower is ready. Your towel is on the sink. I will bring your pajamas in a moment."

---

Kate fell into the soothing sensation of Annika's fingertips rubbing balm on her blistered face.

"Why didn't the Doctor heal my wounds?" she asked.

"Well, he mostly did. But he had concerns that using the mechanism on your face could impair your vision. We thought it better to allow an organic healing around your eyes. He voiced his usual fastidious worries about the state of your vision, but Chakotay and I found no reason to assume your vision was damaged. Simply, we will not know until your eyelids have healed."

She reached for the constant of Annika's waist although she was sitting. Annika also enjoyed the comfort of her assuring touch.

"What if I'm," she cleared her throat, "blind?"

Annika bit her lip and gathered total control of her reaction before responding.

"Kate-"

"I said 'what if'," she told her gently.

Annika sighed, "I see no need in contemplating the negative outcomes because I do not believe that will be the case."

She pursed her lips as they quaked. "I will relinquish command to Chakotay. Perhaps I should have already."

Annika abruptly stopped bandaging her face and stared at her.

"Kate, I would like you to listen to me."

She swallowed weakly and stilled. Annika stared at her passionately and finally slid her arms around Kate's waist. She pulled her into a hug without permission and leaned her head against Kate's.

"You are Captain Kathryn Alexandra Janeway of the USS Voyager. You are a decorated war heroine, a loving daughter, a loyal friend, a natural leader, and a remarkable human being. You have been counted out and underestimated your entire life, but that has never stopped you from overcoming every obstacle set before you. I know this experience frightens you, but I am asking you," her voice uncharacteristically quaked, "to listen to me when I promise you. This too, will pass. Your vision is healing and soon we will put this difficult period behind us. You will see this crew returned to Earth, just as you have promised them. And I will remain dutifully at your side throughout it all, no matter what."

Kate was so grateful she was not capable of crying. She clung to Annika's shirt and dug her chin into Annika's shoulder. Annika relaxed into her embrace and breathed in synch with her. Kate's hands slid into her hair affectionately. She eventually kissed her cheek and released her.

"Thank you, Annika."

Annika waited for her throat to unconstrict before murmuring 'yes, ma'am' to her affectionately and lightly urging her toward the bed.

When Annika climbed in beside her, she noticed Kate was waiting to embrace her. Once she was snugly within the Captain's embrace, she felt Kate once again thinking as she laid her face on Annika's shoulder.

"What is it?" she finally asked.

"I can't believe how well it went today, with the crew. I worried they would treat me with pity or diminished respect but they really didn't."

"They admire you a great deal, Kate. They respect you far too much for that."

She smiled at the compliment but pressed ahead.

"But ... they sort of ignore you. When they talk to you, they're distant. I never really noticed it before. They isolate you."

She felt Annika's breathing cease.

"I have adjusted to the ... at times, cold, way they feel about me."

"No, they like you. I think they just don't ... know how to talk to you."

"I have tried to modulate my stiff manners to be more relaxed."

"No, it's not you. You have perfectly warm manners. I don't know why it happens. Perhaps the way you ..." she pulled her tightly into her arms, "the way you look. I think you may be too beautiful."

Annika smiled at the unexpected compliment.

"Thank you, Kate. I wish at times I could change that in order to better fit in."

"It isn't you who needs to change, darling, it's them. They shouldn't isolate you."

She felt herself melting into Kate's strong arms.

"Honestly, it doesn't bother me when I'm with you. You make it less awkward."

Kate smelled her hair and closed her eyes.

"I kind of ... do the same thing though. I don't mean to. But I kind of push you away, right?"

She felt Annika cover her small hands with her own.

"I understand, Kate. It doesn't upset me."

Kate gave her another quick kiss on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Annika. I shouldn't have acted that way. I promise not to do that anymore. And I'll work to help you with the crew. I'll help them relax and include you."

Seven was grateful she wasn't capable of crying or she felt sure she would have. She rubbed her back against Kate's warm body.

"Thank you, Kate. That really means a lot to me."

"I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner."

It is truly amazing the things we cannot see until we close our eyes.

"See? I told you your vision is perfectly intact," she told her warmly as her blue eyes fluttered closed.

Kate felt herself falling into the blissful realization she had finally succeeded in integrating Annika into her crew.

"And I told you that your humanity is perfectly intact."

Chapter 6

Annika lay on her stomach, pinned beneath Kate's hot body. She felt Kate rub her cheek against the nape of Annika's neck. She felt her rock her hips subconsciously on Annika's soft bottom. Kate sighed and Annika reached for the hand possessively covering her small ribs.

"How can I help you sleep?" she asked.

"Am I keeping you up? I'm sorry."

"I'm just worried about you. What's on your mind?"

Annika eased upward and Kate raised her hips so she could turn to face her. Her long arms moved to fold the Captain against her shoulder instead. She subconsciously fought the submissive posture but Annika slid her elegant fingers in her hair. She was pliant in Annika's hands as she pulled the stubborn red head to her shoulder and sank her fingers in her tresses. The Captain moaned subconsciously as she was submitted by the graceful hands of her attendant.

"Is that okay?" she asked redundantly. She knew it was. Janeway loves having her hair played with. A goofy smile graced the Captain's face and she suppressed her acknowledgement of it. She combed her fingers through her silky hair and raked her fingertips against her nape and crown until she melted on the smaller body and quietly crooned.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Mmmm?" Kate tried to evade her questioning. Force of habit.

"It's not - mmmmm - that feels nice," she murmured to her. "It's not that. I'm just wondering how I'm going to sleep in this bed once you're gone."

She heard Annika swallow. She smiled and dodged the desire to kiss her neck.

"What will I do without my little booty pillow?"

Annika giggled. "I think it's called a body pillow."

Kate chuckled at her own joke. "I don't know why. The booty is the comfy part."

Annika blushed and wondered how she would cope when Kate was free to observe her starkly apparent attraction to her.

"No, to be honest, I'm thinking you can't go back to the cargo bay. Now that you eat and shower and sleep in a bed, you need a cabin like everyone else."

Annika tensed. Kate felt it and slid her expressive palms around her waist. Her small fingers made circles on the fabric of Annika's new pajamas.

"It's really fun, Annika. We will replicate all your stuff, you'll get to personalize everything. I know you like red, we will design everything personally to fit your individual identity. We can style it like Earthling quarters or make it reminiscent of the Tendera Colony. I like watching the stars, but we can project any visualization outside your windows."

She doted on the words as she pronounced them and Annika tried to muster some enthusiasm.

"That is ... exciting. Are you telling me those aren't really the stars outside your window?"

"No, that's a projection."

She laughed.

"I definitely didn't realize that. I've been wishing on those."

Kate giggled in surprise. "You ... make wishes?"

She rigidly nodded. She knew Kate could feel her movement in this intimate position.

"What do you wish for?"

Her breath caught in her chest.

"I am not aware of the exact science, but I thought you're not supposed to tell."

Kate laid her head on Annika's shoulder and fell into the blissful sensation of Annika's hands raking along her ears and crown. When it was apparent she had let Annika off the hook, her little Borg obliged her by responding, "the same things often pray for. Your health. Your happiness. The well being of this ship and its crew. Our eventual deliverance to the Earth."

Kate rubbed her mouth against Annika's neck.

"You want to return to Earth?"

"I want to see your dreams -" she hesitated for a less intimate word, "And objectives fulfilled."

That stilled Kate. Her objectives. What were they again? She couldn't remember anything except the erratic heartbeat of her pliant counterpart.

"Annika?"

Her fingers abruptly stopped their comforting strokes.

"Yes, Kate?"

"How will I ever repay you for this kindness?"

She pulled Kate's body against her and folded her into the embrace of her loving arms.

"Rescue me from the Borg Queen. Liberate me from the Collective. Forgive my attempts to murder you and destroy Voyager. Restore my humanity. Integrate me into this crew. Be my first human friend. Allow me to care for you. Help me become human."

Kate uncharacteristically clung to her.

"Oh, wait. You already did all those things," she mused.

She tried to laugh but her mood was heavy.

"You already have, Captain," she told her affectionately.

"That's Captain Kate," she corrected sweetly.

"Captain Blindspot."

She unexpectedly laughed.

"Taking swipes at the disabled. Now you are fully human."

She rocked her hips and Kate felt herself jostled in all the wrong places. She eased her body away carefully, in a vain attempt to vent the heat growing between them. They fell silent until Annika eventually turned her face to put her mouth against Kate's forehead.

"Are you going to tell me what you're really worried about?"

She felt the internal struggle of her old self objecting to the sharing of her personal feelings while her new self blabbed it all without hesitation.

"I'm just ... God, I'm going to miss you."

Annika unexpectedly kissed her forehead.

"Was that your first kiss?" she asked in surprise.

Annika dodged the sudden question.

"I will not cease in being your friend. Unless you want me to."

The Captain warred with herself over what to convey and what to withhold. She felt all the rules flying out the airlock. She tried to put her care for Annika's needs in the forefront of her mind. But all she could feel was Annika's rapid heartbeat and her own heating libido. She dropped her forehead on Annika and breathed. Annika lovingly held the back of her head.

"Your friendship," her tone carried more sincerity and affection than Annika had ever heard from her and it sank into her soul, "is the most valuable and important thing in my life. And not just because ... you're assisting me." She tried not to kiss her again. She tried not to pin her down and grind on her. "I should have told you this a long time ago. I should have shown you. That's what I'm really worrying about. I know I have to let you go but I don't want things to go back like before. Please don't," her tone wavered, "let me push you away again. I never meant to isolate you, darling, I just get overwhelmed by how much I ..." she did give her a small kiss, just a small one on the side of her face, "I care for you. Being hard on people is how I convey my belief in them and my," she clung to her, "my pride in them."

Annika kissed her temple and turned to slide submissively into the embrace of her strong arms. She was too moved to speak. She intertwined her hand in Kate's and pulled it against her heart, knowing the Captain would feel the power of her emotions through its thunderous beating.

They stilled. The generated stars appeared to scroll by. When she was sure Annika had fallen asleep, she told her, "I wish you were mine, Seven of Nine."

---

Kate stood by her cabin door with her lunch box in her hand. She puffed out her chest as Annika pinned her communicator to it and tucked her hair behind her ear.

Annika pushed the sleeves of her robe up nervously and they slid right back down.

"I just don't understand why I can't even supervise. Chakotay can be absent minded. What if he forgets to guide you?"

"He won't," Kate mused to her as she clipped her medallions to her collar.

"I just need to brief him on how to-"

Kate raised her hands to Annika's wrists. Funny how she just senses where to touch her.

"Baby, it's fine."

Annika ignored her and unnecessarily straightened her jacket.

"He shouldn't hand you anything hot, you never hesitate to put everything directly in your mouth."

"That is a well known fact about me," she deadpanned.

"I made a bulleted list of your dislikes," she tried quietly.

"Which he will never read. Hey," she slid her arms around Annika's waist. "It's just for one evening. I'll be home soon," she smirked, "mom."

"Don't 'mom' me," Annika told her quietly.

"Then don't 'mommy' me," she replied cutely.

"Do you have a mother? I thought you were hatched."

She laughed. "Correct. I am a pterodactyle."

"What's ...?"

"I'll tell you later," she replied, feigning exhaustion. They heard her cabin door slide open. Chakotay turned abruptly like he interrupted.

"Chakotay, I've made a brief list," Annika tried before the Captain covered her mouth affectionately.

"There's no list, don't worry," she called to him.

He cleared his throat awkwardly.

"If she gets hurt-" she began and Kate cut her off with a kiss to her cheek.

"I'll see you in a few hours," she told her as she turned and bumped into the door frame. She cussed to herself and hurried to the elevator. Annika watched with worry but Chakotay gave her a reassuring smile.

Annika sighed in defeat and finally turned to the empty cabin. She felt that surge of loneliness grip her and she shoved it back as she went to the hot shower Kate left running for her.

---

Annika was pacing in the Captain's cabin when she heard her communicator. It was Kate. She seemed to be stifling her voice. Annika alerted with worry.

"Anni - Seven of Nine?"

"Kate? Are you okay?"

She cleared her throat. "This is your Captain, Seven of Nine. Report to the mess hall."

She realized the Captain must be in mixed company.

"Did you say if you were okay or?"

"I said to report to the Mess Hall. That's an order," she added weakly.

Annika frowned at her dismissal. She threw a sweater on over the casual dress she was wearing in anticipation of their private dinner and padded down to the mess hall with irritation. The Captain just promised her the night previous she wouldn't ... she tried to stifle her anxieties as she rode the elevator down.

She rounded the corner with worry, already searching for the slight redhead. She gasped in surprise to find the entire crew crouching in the dim entrance together. They surrounded the Captain in their midst, her face was lit with the most adorable grin Annika had ever seen. She sprang forth early and yelled, "SURPRISE!" and the crew followed her with jubilation.

Annika was frozen as she tried to understand what was happening. She embraced the grinning Captain who hugged her and locked her arms around her waist.

"Happy birthday, Annika," she told her warmly as she pulled her into the smiling crew who surrounded her in merriment.

Chapter 7

Seven of Nine felt as if she were dreaming. She kept waiting to wake up alone in her alcove. Yet the Captain's small hands clinging to her hips kept her steady. Every face which looked on them first noticed the Captain's hands aggressively directing. She hovered over Seven like a rider over her prized pony. Seven wordlessly hung on her every gesture, but her mind was studying the faces of her crewmates as they lingered on Janeway's possessive posture. They recognized the intimacy of her proximity. They observed the subtle submission in Seven's posture. They knew. Seven watched their reactions with curiosity.

They didn't seem to care. B'Ellana didn't even smirk, she pulled on Tom's arm when he stared. Tuvok's acknowledge was immediate and accepting, as if he expected it. Chakotay acted protective of the information, as if he dared anyone to make a scene. Only e Ensign blushed and rambled during conversation, but this seemed to relax and amuse them. Seven waited for the Captain to break out in hives but she never seemed to catch on. When Seven finally bid them all goodnight and drug Kate to the elevator, she grinned and leaned on the elevator handrail as she pulled Seven to her waist.

"I am so," she looped her fingers through Annika's and brought her hands to her lips as she kissed them, "proud of you."

Annika kept expecting to wake from the dream.

"Did you have a good night?" she asked expectantly.

Seven pressed the button.

"Yes, Captain. Very much so."

Kate pulled her back into her embrace.

"I'm Kate in the cabin," she told her in a low tone.

"We're definitely in the elevator," Annika responded with a laugh.

"I'm Gladys in the elevator," she joked happily.

Annika laughed and turned in the Captain's embrace.

"So, do you know what the birds and bees do?" Kate asked awkwardly.

"Is this a riddle? They both employ flight?"

"Umm ..." Kate wondered how to segway. "Sex."

"Birds can't have sex with bees, Kate."

"No, human sex," Kate tried.

"That would be highly inappropriate," Seven told her.

"That's not what I meant but yeah, it would be because they can't consent. They can't communicate so they can't consent. And there's a power issue. Birds are more powerful so bees have a diminished capacity to consent."

Annika stared at her.

"Kate, are you having strange feelings about ... birds or bees?"

She laughed.

"This is a frustrating conversation. No, Annika, I'm having frustrating feelings about you."

She froze.

"I am sorry, Kate. I didn't mean to misunderstand."

"No, I wasn't being clear. Annika, do you understand consent? In association with sex?"

She moved Kate's hand to her hip as she led her from the elevator.

"Yeah."

"Do you understand why I'm not allowed to fraternize - that's have sex - with anyone under my command?"

"The power thing? Because you believe they have diminished consent?"

"They do. There's a power disparity."

Seven meditated on it. "I am not a starfleet officer, Kate."

She blushed a little as they entered the dark apartment. Seven never bothered with the light, she simply turned to begin undressing Kate.

"What do you mean by pointing that out?"

"I mean I am fully capable of consenting to you," she hesitated before saying her name, "Kate."

The Captain paused while Annika unfastened her medallions and communicator and unzipped her jacket. She kicked off her shoes and unfastened her belt while she waited for Annika to set her jacket aside. She raised her arms in anticipation for Annika to undress her undershirt. She felt Annika press her back until she sat on the bed.

"Kate? May I speak plainly?"

She listened as Annika readied the cabin for bedtime.

"Of course, darling."

"I think it is you who has a diminished capacity to consent."

"Run that by me again," she responded instantly.

"Kate," she began patiently, "I had a wonderful time tonight. The crew have never been so accepting with me. I really felt like one of them."

Kate cheesily smiled as she leaned back on the bed to relax on her folded arms. Annika noticed the musculature in her slight shoulders.

"But they definitely got the impression ..." she hesitated as she undressed to her underwear before approaching Kate with a stack of their folded pajamas, "that you and I are in an intimate relationship."

She patted Kate's leg and she sat up. She felt Annika dressing her in her pajama top. She couldn't the deep blush that covered her face and neck. Annika watched her carefully.

"Does that embarrass you?"

Seven fumbled with the buttons of her shirt so her hands took over as she stood. Annika pushed her pants down over her hips and they fell around her feet.

"Of course not," she breathed instantly. She knelt to maneuver Kate's legs from her slacks and into the pajama bottoms. Kate leaned her hand against her shoulder and it seemed to burn her like a brand. "But I thought it would em..." she hesitated with the wording, "make you uncomfortable."

Kate was authentically amused. She ran her hand in Annika's hair and pulled the pin so it would fall. Annika looked up at her with a beating heart.

"There's no one in the world who would be ashamed to go to bed with you, Annika."

Seven clung to the bed and tugged at Kate until she sat. Her hands went to Annika's waist subconsciously, she gasped when they met bare skin.

"Sorry, I was just going to-" she started nervously.

Kate was breathing heavily. She ran her hands on Annika's bare skin and pulled her into an embrace.

"You didn't mind them thinking I'm allowed to kiss you?"

Annika melted against her. Her forehead fell against Kate's.

"No, it made me ... proud, honestly, I just ..." she pulled herself from Kate's arms reluctantly. Kate frowned and waited for the reason for her rejection.

"I just worry that if you could see their faces and know their reaction, and if you could see me now ... you wouldn't want me," she covered her face with her hands. The Captain pulled at her arms with confusion until she wrapped around her shoulder. She stroked her back adoringly.

"Calm down, Annika," she cooed to her.

She clung to Kate and cried into her soft hair. God she smelled good.

"How could you ever entertain the idea that I could be ashamed of you?" she asked with bewilderment. "Have you seen yourself? There isn't anyone in the Delta Quadrant who would be ashamed to be with you!"

"No, it's not that, Kate. You do dislike the way that I look. You are ashamed, not to want me, but to be with me. I know you want me in bed but that wasn't really the problem is you don't want me ... in regular life. When you don't need me anymore, you won't," she forced herself to continue through her tears, "You won't want me anymore."

Kate was stunned. She suddenly felt the absence of her sight. She pulled Annika to her chest again and hugged her. She reached around until she felt Annika's pajama shirt.

When Annika saw her fumbling with it, she slipped her arms in and told her thank you. Kate released her until she had buttoned the shirt.

Kate reached for the blanket to turn down the bed and Annika helped her. They snuggled under the covers. Kate smiled when she felt that Annika never dressed in her shorts.

She sighed when Annika cuddled into her embrace and pulled at her arms.

"Annika, please listen to me."

"I'm listening," she responded quietly.

"I understand that you don't feel comfortable yet. When my sight is restored, will you accept me?"

Annika turned her face and kissed her lightly on her lips.

"Yes, ma'am."

"I know you're being cute but I need you to understand this isn't a Captain/Crewman thing. This is a Kate/Annika thing. I want you to accept me as Kate, not your Captain."

"I accept you as everything you are, my love," Annika told her in earnest.

Kate rubbed her hips subconsciously on her bottom.

"You are officially a woman, Annika. You love someone who doesn't deserve you."

"Thank you for my birthday presents, Kate. I think you have made me the happiest woman on Voyager."

Kate pinned Annika's body beneath her own and tried not to think of the long bare legs she pressed apart.

"Second happiest."

---

Kate woke with her head on Annika's breast. She rubbed her face on it with a smile. Annika moaned and kissed her head. Before Kate was fully awake, she leaned up and kissed her.

Annika snuggled Kate to her chest and accepted her kiss. She finally eased back with a pop.

"Sorry, that happened fast," she told her with a blush.

"It's fine. It didn't feel premeditated," Annika mused to her with a smile as she opened her eyes.

"Oh, no," she said as she noticed the Captain's bandage. She pulled Kate from the bed and led her to the bathroom.

She unbandaged her eyes and stood back with worry.

"Lights out," she told the computer as Kate reflexively squinted.

"Whoa, are my eyes opening?" she asked anxiously.

"Shhhhh," Annika told her softly as she washed her face with warm water. When she had cleaned the sleep and infection from the area, she tenderly covered it with balm.

Kate reached to pull her arms away and hold them.

"It's okay, let me try," she whispered.

"Just be careful. It's still a little blistered."

"I know but baby," she blinked carefully. She looked up at her in the darkened room.

"You can see," Annika breathed with wonder.

Kate nodded as she laughed.

"Just shadows for now but yeah ..."

She wrapped her arms around Annika's waist and pulled her back in for another searing kiss.

"I can see."

Chapter 8
Summary:

Let's wrap these stray plot points so we can end on a fabulously sexy note. Sorry for the boring chapter but this is the calm before the smut storm so don't lose heart.

Chakotay dropped a hand on Janeway's shoulder.

"I'm proud of you," he told her carefully.

She checked her smile.

"I've pulled off bigger odds than surviving having my face scorched," she told him dismissively.

"I meant concerning Seven of Nine," he responded quietly.

She checked her attitude. Part of her wanted to tell him to stop being nosey. Part of her wanted to brag to him about her new boo. Part of her considered blaming Annika for her feelings.

"Chakotay, may I speak plainly?" she asked uncharacteristically.

He tensed. Was she going to cuss him out for asking about Seven?

She sighed happily and reached to slip her heavy sunglasses off. She shielded her eyes and squinted at him.

"I've done some heroic things. Some 'above and beyond the call of duty' type things. At times I was just assing around, at times I acted rather bravely, at times I just closed my eyes and did whatever scary or overwhelming task was set before me."

He laughed at her honesty.

"But Annika ... I ran from that woman. I've never been frightened like I was of her. When I decided to bring her on board, that was the best decision I've ever made but I made it blindly, just hoping it might turn out well. And when she insisted on helping me, I wasn't too happy with her. All I could feel was this ... fear of her. I mean, of my feelings for her. But she steamrolled me. And I deserved it. Then, at some point, I realized she was right. About everything. About me, about her, about us. I had to lose my sight to see that. I made her demand my respect and insist upon my growth. And honestly, it struck me as insubordinate at first. It took a few weeks to feel ... what she was doing for me. Feel the care. Feel the affection. Feel the admir-" she searched for the courage to say the word and finally said it, "Feel the love," she cleared her throat, "That we always privately held for each other."

He stared down at her bright, blistered eyes and couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Accepting her and my feelings for her is the scariest thing I've ever experienced. And I honestly recoiled like a coward in the face of it. But Annika found the strength to push through and lead me through that." She stared off and blushed as she brought to mind the sweet face of her Borg darling. "I'm ... I'm a Starfleet Officer. I'm a Captain. I'm an Admiral. I was trained to act with duty. I am expected to conduct myself with courage. But what Annika faced was destructive beyond all description and she was just a little girl."

Her grey eyes uncharacteristically misted.

"Her courage, both to survive and to overcome, is more than any Starfleet Officer is expected or trained to endure. It's a horror unknown. And I refused to know her, to admire her, to let her in, at all. Because I was afraid of how much I care for her. How much ... better than me ... she really is. And she is. She's better than all of us. But when I realized she was asking me to just know her, to just see her, to just acknowledge the truth of her journey ... how could I deny her that? How could anyone? With everything she's endured ... how could I deny her the only thing she wants ... my love? My support, my attention, my affection, my approval."

He stared at her with more than admiration than she had ever inspired in him.

"If she faced her fears and her scars, I can face mine. That's all she wanted. That's all she asked of me. And it's so simple, yet it's the biggest obstacle I've ever faced. And I say this now in retrospect because she already led me through the hard part. She led me through a minefield of my own deepest anxieties when I was too blind and too scared to get through myself. That makes her ... the best human aboard this ship, the best human I've ever known. I can't believe her, I really can't."

He touched her shoulder again. "I can't either. But you know, you facilitated this growth for her. If you had simply done what she asked, what I thought was best, and discarded her potential, she would have never been given the chance to overcome. You gave her that chance. I know you were hard on her, at times I chewed you out for it. But in the end, you came around for her. You opened your heart to her. And Kathryn, honestly, it's the bravest and most remarkable thing you've ever done. No one hates feelings like you do."

She smirked. "They're messy and it's tedious."

He laughed. "True."

She looked at her watch and pretended to have read it. He knowingly turned her wrist and read it aloud.

"It's eight. Time for your date."

She tried to let the grin melt off her face.

"Better change into my sexy sunglasses," she kidded. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"There's not enough make up on Voyager to cover your love bites so you should probably take the day. I'll see you when you can wipe that grin off your face."

She turned to object but blushed too hard and gave up.

---

B'Elanna entered the elevator with an unstable load of datapads. When she tried to reach for her button, her cargo scattered on the floor and the Captain began assisting.

"Thank you, Captain. It's good to see you doing well. A record healing, as predicted. Your determination knows no end."

She smiled rigidly. "Thank you, Officer. It's good to feel like myself again. Somewhat."

B'Elanna secured her load with the Captain's help and regained her rigid posture.

"B'Elanna?" Janeway asked her.

She looked at her, "Yes, ma'am?"

"There's no one on Voyager whose critical opinion I place more value on than yours."

She blushed slightly. "Maintaining the reputation of a cold bitch is worth the compliment you just paid me. In truth, I value the importance you place on my opinion a great deal."

Kate tilted her head and gave her a shining smile. "I never knew that. Thank you."

B'Elanna nodded with a careful smile.

"May I ask your opinion about something?" the Captain implored after a moment.

B'Elanna knew what she was going to ask.

"Even a blind woman could see how she feels about you," she told her.

Kate blushed. She could only nod. She pressed to her inquiry.

"How are the crew reacting? Honestly? I've been blissfully unaware of their observations. I'm almost afraid to confront it. Do they ... make disrespectful remarks about Seven or myself? Do they have relaxed respect for me, either due to my episode of blindness or due to my romantic relationship with Seven of Nine? What do they say? How are they reacting?"

B'Elanna was tempted to tell her to get over herself. But she understood how important the issues were to Kate as the Captain. In truth, the entire professional posture aboard Voyager depended on their implicit respect of the Captain and her maintaining Starfleet Protocol. All semblance of dignified conduct relied on the respected reputation of Janeway and her officers.

"May I speak plainly?"

Kate nodded.

"Before the accident, you were occasionally acting erratically. The crew observed and at times feared that instability in you. We understood that your stress level was too high and there was no way to accommodate that problem, at the time. So they respectfully feared you, ma'am, feared what could happen to you and us by extension. "

Kate bit her lip. She did not love hearing this line of commentary. The way she least liked to be perceived was out of control. Maintaining control allowed her to facilitate calm in herself and her crew. But losing control meant embarrassment and inability to lead productively.

"They were scared like children when you got hurt, scared of who would lead us and how you would fare. But then Seven swooped in. And she just rescued the situation. Suddenly you were back on the bridge, smiling and capable despite being blinded. The crew took tremendous heart. Not just because they were glad to see you and glad your leadership hadn't wavered. They were specifically relieved that ..." she rarely conveyed such personal observations but she felt that Kate needed to hear it, "relieved you weren't alone anymore. Seven was going to care for you and help you. And she delivered. Your behavior stabilized. She calmed the brooding storm of your inward isolation. It was funny because you became kind of cheesy. But then the relief was accepted and this bliss just spread over Voyager. Like Seven fixed everything for all of us. Just by caring for you in a way that we're not allowed to care for you. Now they don't worry about you. So they don't worry about themselves or our journey. They have a peace of mind concerning your stability now. I gave Seven of Nine the hardest time, out of everyone. I made her life hell for a long time. But what she has given you, and by extension given all of us, holds more realistic value to this ship than every crewman in the Mechanic Bay. Just by being a beautiful loving woman to you, she assured the success of our mission, because she assured your health and stability. So I guess we all contribute in our capacity and there's no way to really know whose contribution is the key to our success and survival."

Kate uncharacteristically broke her posture to hug her.

"Don't you dare underestimate your value to this ship and my leadership again, Officer," she told her affectionately. "But thank you so much, B'Elanna, for everything you contribute, especially your amazing critical judgement."

She nodded stoically as the elevator opened. They saw that Seven of Nine was waiting inside the open door. Kate felt her heart begin to race as she told B'Elanna goodnight.

Chapter 9
Notes:

Thanks for reading, everyone. I hope this is worthy of the show and all who contributed to this amazing fandom. XoXo.

Annika stood waiting in a short dress and loose sweater. She had used her time in the cabin to fix her hair and do her makeup.

Kate inhaled dreamily and told her in a velvet tone, "You are a sight for sore eyes."

Annika frowned. "Are your eyes sore?"

She laughed. "No, it's an expression."

"You should be wearing your glasses," she told her with worry as she opened her arms. Kate wasn't sure why, but she walked into her waiting hands. Annika began unclipping her communicator and unfastening her jacket.

"I wore them all day, I just took them off to talk to B'Elanna."

Annika sighed her disapproval.

"I'm sorry, dear. We were bonding. It felt necessary."

She watched the shadow of jealousy flash in Annika's blue eyes as she pursed her lips.

"Surely, you know I'm much too rigid to be casually flirting with other women. You had to undress me and get in my bed to make me admit my ... thing for you."

"Thing?" she asked carefully.

Kate raised her arms when Annika put her jacket away. She suddenly realized there was no reason for this action.

"Why have you been taking my shirt off? I never needed help with this."

Annika smiled as she pulled it over her head and watched her hair scatter over her face.

"I honestly wondered the same but you always stick your arms up like that."

Kate blushed as she grinned. She unbuckled her belt and sat it aside. When Annika returned, she saw her face turning crimson. She took her wrists. Annika hesitantly met her eyes.

"This is ... getting kind of hot. How have we been doing this daily without sexy incident?"

Annika giggled. She shrugged guiltily.

"I guess I knew. I just ignored it. It's pretty apparent when you're watching me swoon and ogle you."

Kate pulled Annika into her embrace and ran her hands on her back and bottom.

"I miss touching you like this. I definitely would have never found the courage to run my hands over your hips all day but ... God, I like it. Touching you. Holding you. Having you against me. Pushing you, pulling you, pinning you. There's so much comfort in the ability to just feel you beside me throughout the day."

Annika blushed so hard her cheeks almost forced her eyes closed. She had been dreading the revelation of this constant blushing and swooning. Her blatant, at times comedic, attraction to Janeway was something she had little or no control over. She had made strides in her ability to 'act casual' and 'fit in' but what she felt for Janeway was a ravenous, unchained emotional addiction.

Grey eyes met blue ones. Annika pushed her hair back from her angelic temples to scrutinize her healing face.

"You're probably going to have this rockstar red stripe on your face for years. It will eventually disappear. When you're fully healed, the Doctor might be able to work with the scar."

She turned her face into the tender touch. Annika stroked her face.

"Kate, I'm sorry I was jealous of B'elanna."

She laughed. "It surprised me more than anything. She's lovely but she's not you, darling."

Annika bit her lip.

"It's not that, honestly. You said you 'bonded' with her. That's probably the thing I coveted most from you, having a real bond with you. You made me work ... pretty hard ... for my access to you."

Kate tilted her head and pulled Annika against her stomach.

"I see." She smiled at her and caught her full attention. "I'm sorry, my love. I was pushing you away, consciously and unconsciously. I guess I do that because I think that in my capacity as the Captain, that's best. To maintain that distance with my crewman. So we can have a professional relationship. So that I can really be a Captain to them. Someone they can put faith in and really benefit from my leadership. We won't have that if I fully relax my professional posture. Like being a parent who is also a friend. You sacrifice part of the relationship. I've been with crews who were scared by their leadership and they didn't function as well. They were stressed and it showed in their work product. So I've always maintained that distance with my crew, for their benefit. So that they can sleep soundly seeing me as a protective figure who will lead them with sound judgement and restrained wisdom."

Annika's smile melted into a dreamy affectionate stare.

"You're so sexy," she whispered.

Kate truly blushed. Her face turned deep red and her eyes lit with that gorgeous fire that was signature to her specifically Irish expressions. She tried to retain her humility.

"Baby, that's just what I do. I'm a soldier and that's part of the whole thing."

Annika kissed her grinning cheek.

"You can stop. You win. I'm crazy in love with you."

Kate pulled her into a deep kiss.

---

Annika emerged running her fingers through her wet hair. She smiled at Kate reading in the lamp light. She sat her book on the nightstand and pulled the blanket back with a hard swallow. Annika snuggled beside her ceremoniously.

"Should we ...?" Kate trailed off.

Annika stared at her soft lips.

Kathryn struggled to remember words.

"Foreplay?"

Annika laughed and shrugged.

"If you want."

"You are ..." Kate began awkwardly, "beautiful and I am ... into it."

"You're sweeping me off my feet, Kate," she told her affectionately.

Kate laughed.

"I can't believe you thought that seeing you would make me want you less. I've never wanted you as badly as I do now. God, you are sexy. Like. It's a thing. You're stunning. And you smell incredible. How did I get so lucky? I didn't even have to chase you around the bed."

Annika blushed and kissed her cheek.

"That sounds fun, actually."

"We'll try that later. When I have depth perception."

Annika nodded with a smirk and slid her arms around her Captain's shoulders. She watched Kate's eyes widen as her pulse quickened. Kate suddenly grew serious and kissed her deeply.

"The levity is fun but you know I really," she kissed her, "really care about you, right?"

Annika stared in her eyes and finally nodded.

"I love you so much, Kathryn," she told her in a rush. It was the first time she ever voiced the word and she suddenly realized why it carried such meaning.

Kate clung to her warm skin and pressed her hot thighs apart.

"I can't believe you just said that," she told her helplessly.

Annika ran her fingernails down Kate's back and rocked her hips against her.

Kate slid her arm under Annika's shoulders and cradled her under her smaller body. She drowned her in kisses and finally ran her expert hand down Annika's long body.

"Hey, girl?"

Blue eyes met grey ones.

"I love you, too," she told her in that vanilla tone Annika had grown entirely fixed on.

The Delta Quadrant shrank by measures that night. The endless loneliness of those dark frontiers was lit by the shining of a nearing star. The universes hummed with harmony. God was at peace. Love, in its infinite benevolent and wisdom, smiled upon two women arriving at a the destination of their greatest journey.