A/N: This one is a little long because I mashed two requests into one story. Enjoy!
"Mama, I'm sad. Can… can we… cuddle and talk?" Amanda's voice was small and timid, fearful of being rejected.
Olivia looked up at Amanda with loving concern. That she was being called 'Mama' was a clear indicator that Little Mandy was seeking attention, but Amanda's fearful tone of voice and tense body language indicated that 'big girl' Amanda had something on her mind. Fortunately, Olivia was expertly skilled at handling the situation when her 'little girl' and her 'big girl' were battling for dominance and she made everything about her facial expression, body language, and tone of voice very gentle and loving as she addressed her clearly frightened little one.
"Of course we can cuddle and talk, lovey. Come here."
Olivia picked her up and carried Little Mandy down the hall and into her bedroom where she gently deposited Little Mandy on her feet and helped her strip out of her clothes, bra, and panties. Little Mandy whimpered when Mama tried to guide her to lie down on the bed.
"It's just a diaper change, baby. Mama's here, you're safe." Olivia cooed lovingly.
Olivia picked up a bottle of lavender-scented baby lotion, drizzled some on her hands, and spent several minutes gently massaging lotion all over Little Mandy's body, front and back. Then she changed her into a diaper and dressed her in a cozy pair of pajamas, wanting her to be comfortable. Then Olivia picked Little Mandy up and carried her out of the room, down the hall, and over to the big rocker and sat down, settling the blonde comfortably on her lap. Little Mandy snuggled into Mama's loving arms.
"Shall we play with the bumblebee, sweet girl?" Olivia offered, wanting to put Amanda in a comfortable headspace where she felt safe to have whatever conversation they needed to have.
Little Mandy giggled softly and nodded against Mama's shoulder.
"Okay, here comes the bumblebee."
Olivia placed her thumb and index finger together, creating what Little Mandy called 'the bumblebee', making a soft buzzing sound with her mouth. The bumblebee flew through the air and landed on the top of Little Mandy's head, and then on her nose, making the little one giggle. The bumblebee flew through the air again and landed on her shoulder, and then it landed on her knee. The bumblebee flew through the air for the final time and made slow, teasing circles around Little Mandy's belly button. The bumblebee suddenly 'exploded' and Mama tickled Little Mandy's belly.
"More, Mama, more!" Little Mandy giggled happily.
"More tickles? Okay, here comes the bumblebee." Mama indulgently repeated the much-loved game two more times.
Little Mandy happily snuggled down into Mama's arms. The bumblebee game had successfully calmed her nerves and cheered her up for the time being, but the blonde little one soon found herself rather anxious and fearful yet again and she let out a small whimper, tears filling her deep blue eyes. Upon hearing Little Mandy whimper, Olivia adjusted her position so that she was still cuddled safely in her arms, but was able to lay her head on Olivia's shoulder and cling to her tightly. Olivia reached underneath Little Mandy's pajama top and gently rubbed her back, rocking slowly.
"There's no hurry, baby, there's nowhere that we need to be today. We can sit here and cuddle for as long as you want until you're ready to talk to Mama about whatever it is you want to talk about."
Little Mandy hid her face on Mama's shoulder and tried to focus on Mama's gentle hand rubbing her back rather than the memories that were threatening to invade her mind.
"I was talking to Dr. Lindy during therapy. I told him about when we went to visit my parents back in May." Little Mandy tightened her grip on Mama.
Olivia gently kissed Amanda's temple but remained silent, waiting patiently for Amanda to decide she was ready to continue talking. Little Mandy always referred to Dr. Lindstrom as 'Dr. Lindy'. Dr. Lindstrom was well aware of Little Mandy's existence, and while Little Mandy had yet to actually make an appearance during therapy, Dr. Lindstrom assured Amanda that there was nothing wrong with her desire to be 'little' on occasion. He reasoned that it might actually be helpful on Amanda's road to recovery to be able to experience being 'raised' in a properly nurturing environment. During Amanda's childhood, there had been a lot of stick and almost no carrot. In stark contrast, Olivia always did her best to balance love and discipline, and so far it seemed to be working. Little Mandy was mischievous at times, as all little ones are, but she knew her rules and tried to be a good girl. More importantly, she knew that if she was naughty and needed to be punished, whether with a time-out or a spanking, that she would be forgiven immediately afterwards and showered with hugs, kisses, and cuddles, and reassured that she was still a good girl and very dearly loved. And when she wasn't in trouble, Little Mandy was still showered with affection every single day, whether it be a loving hug, a random cuddle, an affectionate tickle, or even a playful swat on her bottom. These bursts of affection throughout the day were like oxygen for the previously love-deprived little one.
"I-I… that stupid strap scares me so much!" Amanda choked on a sob.
"You have every right to be scared, honey. You were abused." Olivia kindly validated Amanda's feelings.
"I know, but I told Dr. Lindy that I hate how much power it still holds over me. It's like this giant anvil, like the ones in cartoons, constantly hanging over my head and every time I go see my parents it feels like the anvil could fall at any second."
"Well, maybe if you and I put our heads together, we can figure out a way to get rid of the anvil." Olivia said, using Amanda's analogy.
"I… I had… I had an idea…" Amanda hesitated.
"Do you want to tell me about it?" Olivia asked, still cuddling Amanda in her arms.
"Mama, paci." Little Mandy whimpered.
"Manners, sweetheart." Olivia reminded her kindly.
"Mama, paci please."
"Good girl, so polite. Here." Olivia picked up a purple pacifier and popped it into Little Mandy's mouth. Little Mandy wasn't allowed to suck her thumb, so there were usually several pacifiers scattered around the apartment.
Little Mandy sucked on her pacifier for several minutes until she felt calm enough and brave enough to tell Mama her idea. She took the pacifier out of her mouth, but still kept it tightly in her hand, ready to put it back in if she needed to.
"I thought maybe… maybe if we had a strap… and the next time I'm naughty…"
Olivia understood where Amanda's thoughts were going, and she knew instinctively that this situation had the potential to go very badly very quickly if it wasn't handled with the utmost care. Little Mandy was never spanked with anything other than Mama's hand or the wooden spoon from the kitchen. Even the hairbrush was far too intense for her to handle emotionally and mentally. Olivia would never even dream of giving her a full strapping, no matter how naughty she was, but maybe there was a middle ground.
"Mama's going to put you down just for two quick seconds, my love. I need to go get my phone, then I'll come straight back and you can get right back in Mama's lap, okay?" Olivia gently kissed Little Mandy's temple.
Little Mandy whimpered and her lower lip trembled, but she nodded and she didn't protest as Mama gently shifted her off of her lap and settled her to sit on the rocker. True to her word, Mama was only gone for a few seconds and quickly returned with her phone in hand. As soon as she resumed sitting, Little Mandy crawled back onto her lap and cuddled in Mama's arms. Mama opened an internet browser on her phone and began typing in the search bar.
"You and Mama are going to look at some pictures, sweetie. We're just going to look right now, that's all." Olivia said lovingly.
The website was full of all different types of spanking implements. Olivia clicked on the tab that read 'straps' and the pacifier still clutched in Little Mandy's hand was immediately popped back into her mouth. Mama said they were just going to look, and Little Mandy trusted her beloved Mama so she knew everything would be all right, but the pacifier still wasn't going to leave her mouth anytime soon, and Olivia was okay with that. Olivia scrolled through each picture slowly, giving Little Mandy ample time to examine each picture. After a few minutes, Little Mandy shrank into Mama's body and with a trembling finger, pointed at one of the pictures. It wasn't an exact match, but it was incredibly similar to the strap Amanda remembered as a child. Olivia clicked on the picture and read the description to her.
A few days later, a package arrived in the mail. Olivia sat down on the rocker and gently settled Amanda on her lap.
"Do you want to open it, or should Mama do it?" Olivia said gently.
"Mama do it." Little Mandy spoke around the pacifier that was once again firmly in her mouth.
Olivia opened the package and pulled the strap out of its box, setting the box aside.
"Here, baby, you can hold it. Mama's right here."
Amanda held the strap in her hands and gazed at it fearfully, as if it might come alive at any moment. It wasn't super heavy, but it was made of top quality leather. Olivia let Amanda examine the implement for as long as she wanted to, holding her close the whole time, gently rubbing her belly to keep her calm. After a while, Amanda handed the implement back to Olivia. Olivia set it aside and continued to cuddle Amanda and rub her belly.
"Mama… only two, please." Amanda held up two fingers.
"Two what, baby?"
"Next time I get a spanking. Only two swats with the strap." Amanda clarified.
"Only two." Olivia agreed.
For the next three and a half weeks, Little Mandy didn't get into any trouble that required more than a simple time-out. Although she knew full well that Mama would never beat her with the strap, the mere fact that the strap was sitting in Mama's closet was enough to keep her out of mischief. 'Big girl' Amanda had taken the strap out of the closet and looked at it several times, trying to wrap her brain around the fact that it was a simple piece of leather and nothing more. It wasn't a demon come to eat her alive. The demon was the man who thought it was acceptable to use such an implement to beat fear into a defenseless child. That man was over nine hundred miles away in Georgia. She was here in New York safe with Olivia, her beloved Mama who loved her unconditionally and would never hurt a hair on her head.
One afternoon, Little Mandy's luck ran out. Little Mandy's screen time was usually limited to two hours a day, a rule that Little Mandy knew full well, but today she wasn't happy about it.
"But, Mama, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" Little Mandy begged.
"Mandy, Mama said no." Mama responded.
"You're no fun." Little Mandy pouted.
"I know, I'm a horribly mean Mama because I don't want you to melt your brain watching TV all day."
"What if I want to melt my brain?" Little Mandy giggled.
"Well, I don't want my baby to turn into a zombie, and I'm the Mama, so I think we'll stick with my rules. No more TV today. Why don't you go play in your room while Mama does some boring paperwork."
"Will you play with me?" Little Mandy asked hopefully.
"In a little while I will, but right now Mama has some work that needs to get done. Now scoot." Mama gave Little Mandy an affectionate spank.
Olivia was seriously regretting bringing paperwork home with her. It was more complicated than she had anticipated and was going to take longer than she expected. It didn't help that Little Mandy kept interrupting her. The first time Little Mandy walked in, she asked for juice in her sippy cup. The second time, she was hungry and wanted an apple and peanut butter. The third time, she needed a diaper change. By the sixth time, Mama was still nowhere near being done working and Little Mandy was getting impatient.
"Mama, I'm bored! I want you to play with me!" Little Mandy whined.
"Don't whine, baby. I told you Mama needs to work right now. Why don't you go color a picture?" Olivia suggested.
"I already did that! Come play with me!" Little Mandy demanded, stomping her foot.
"Hey, drop the attitude, young lady. You know better." Mama scolded.
"I don't have an attitude! I'm just bored and you're ignoring me!"
"I think I know a naughty little girl who needs to lie down for a nap. You're being very whiny and demanding today."
Olivia got up from the table, took Little Mandy by the hand, and led her to her room.
"NO! I don't wanna take a nap!" Little Mandy yelled.
"Mandy Grace, you do not tell Mama 'no' or yell at Mama like that. You can either lie down for a nap or go over Mama's knee for a spanking." Mama warned.
"I'll yell if I wanna!" Little Mandy yelled again.
Olivia sighed. She remembered the strap in the closet and the agreement they had come to about what was going to happen the next time Little Mandy earned a spanking. She thought about giving Little Mandy a time-out instead of a spanking, but she knew that would be wrong. If they didn't have the strap, Little Mandy would definitely be getting spanked for this type of behavior, so it would be wrong to let her get away with it just because she didn't like the idea of giving Little Mandy even just two swats with the strap. Olivia sat down on the bed and gently pulled Little Mandy to stand in front of her.
"Mama, I'm sorry!" Little Mandy whimpered, suddenly realizing that she was in trouble.
"I'm sorry too, baby. I love you more than anything, and that means I sometimes have to help you remember to be a good girl."
Olivia pulled down Little Mandy's pants and diaper and bent her across her lap. Little Mandy yelped as Mama's right hand punished her naughty bottom and she soon began to cry. When her bottom was a healthy shade of pink, Mama picked her up.
"T-that's it?" Little Mandy wept as she clung to Mama tightly, surprised to be given such a short spanking.
"Your punishment is over and you are all forgiven, sweetie, but we're not quite finished yet. Do you remember what you and Mama talked about a few weeks ago when a package came in the mail?" Mama spoke kindly, gently wiping Little Mandy's tears away with her thumb.
Amanda's deep blue eyes flew open wide, remembering the strap in the closet, and her insides trembled fearfully. Getting the strap was her idea in the first place, but the thought of actually using it was terrifying.
"Mama, I'm scared." Little Mandy cried.
"I know you are, lovey, I can tell. Let's go to Mama's room now and we'll take this nice and slow."
Olivia picked Amanda up and carried her across the hall into the bedroom. She put Amanda on her feet and retrieved the strap from the closet. Then she sat on the bed and let Amanda curl up on her lap. Olivia handed the strap to Amanda for the blonde to hold and examine for as long as she wanted. While Amanda looked at the strap, Olivia gently rubbed Amanda's pink bottom to soothe the pain. Little Mandy sniffled as more tears filled her eyes. Mama wouldn't beat her, she knew that. They had agreed on only two swats, and Mama was a woman of her word.
"I… I th-think I'm r-ready, Mama." Little Mandy tried to smile when Mama kissed her forehead.
"My brave girl. Can you tell Mama what is going to happen?"
"I'm going to get two swats."
"Good girl, that's right. Do you know why?" Olivia asked. Little Mandy looked confused.
"Um… you said my punishment is over…"
"Yes, baby, it is. Your punishment is all over now. Do you remember a few weeks ago when you and Mama cuddled in the rocker and talked? What did we talk about?"
"We talked about me being scared of the strap at my parents' house."
"That's right. I want to help you not be so scared, so we got this strap and we agreed that the next time you earned a spanking, you would get two swats with this strap to help you realize that it's just a piece of leather and it doesn't have any real power over you anymore."
"I don't want to be scared of it anymore… but I want it to be over…" Little Mandy choked on a sob.
"I know, baby girl. It'll be over very soon, I promise, and after it's over Mama has arnica for you. Do you want to lie over Mama's lap again or do you want to lie on the bed?"
"Mama's lap." Little Mandy said, regressing further into 'little' space.
Not at all surprised by this, Olivia bent Little Mandy over her lap again. Her bottom was still bare from her punishment. Olivia picked up the strap, breathing evenly to calm herself.
"Take a big, deep breath, sweetheart."
Little Mandy obediently took a deep breath. She shrieked when the strap landed on her bottom, more from fear than pain, and the first swat barely had time to register in her mind before the second one landed, causing her to start sobbing, and then Mama immediately picked her up to cuddle her. Those two swats had definitely hurt, but Mama hadn't used the strap nearly as hard as her daddy used to; her sobs were mostly from relief that it was over and the knowledge that the strap was indeed just a simple piece of leather with no real power over her. She was not 'healed' by any stretch of the imagination; she still had a ton of work to do in therapy, but a small crack in her heart had been mended. Olivia cuddled Amanda until she stopped crying and then gave her arnica as promised.
The strap would never be used again, but Amanda said she wanted to keep it, rather than throwing it out with the trash like Olivia suggested. She wanted the visual reminder that she was strong and could overcome anything, so the strap was going to be put back in its box and put in the back of the closet, never to see the light of day again.