"If you wait for something, it'll never happen." Buffer said, gazing into X's eyes.
"What? What are you talking about?" X asked, the crew's rumor about a romance between them fresh in her mind.
"This. What we're doing. You watch. We'll sit here, waiting, all night, and they'll never show. And if we weren't waiting, then-"
A noise on deck interrupted him.
"What's that?" X was alert.
Buffer listened and then shrugged, "Just the anchor line."
He leaned closer to her for a better view of the deck. They were tucked under a tarp on the deck of the strange ship, ready to wait all night for the pearl thieves to attack. The plan was to use this boat as a trap and when the thieves showed up, X and Buffer would arrest them.
"Shhh," X shushed him by putting her fingertips against his lips. The sound of the anchor chain dissipated into the night.
X looked at Buffer. She let her fingertips trace his bottom lip.
He kept still and returned her gaze with big brown eyes.
"My feelings for you are purely professional," He recited it aloud. It was the mantra he often repeated in his head while in the XO's presence. It hadn't stuck yet, but he felt if he said it often enough then one day he would wake up and be free of this pointless yearning for the ship's XO.
X gave a small nod of her head and let her thumb lightly trail down his chin, "Yeah, mine too. I mean, about you." She softly caressed his cheek.
X let her hand fall from his face. She thought of her reputation and her integrity and her career: the pillars around which she had built her life. These thoughts steeled her resolve and helped her stay on the right path. Now though, with Buffer so close to her…she could smell the spice of his deodorant and an undertone of his sweat from sitting in an enclosed space in the tropical heat.
It was difficult to keep herself from reaching out and touching his face again.
She rested her head back against the mast and sighed. Buffer hadn't dropped his gaze from her face since she had pulled her hand away from his cheek.
"Beyond reproach," She whispered.
"What? What did you say?" Buffer matched her quiet tone.
"It's silly. It's sort of a mantra I have." X turned her head and met Buffer's eyes. "When I'm faced with difficult situations or decisions, I remind myself that I should take whichever course of action leaves me beyond reproach."
Buffer nodded his head in understanding.
"X? Can I ask you…" Buffer stopped mid-sentence when X brought her hand back to his face and rested her thumb against his lips.
Buffer held his breath. He felt that if he so much as blinked the spell would be broken. The magnetic force between himself and X had been pulling them together for months. He was terrified to see what would happen when they finally had the opportunity to be alone. Terrified, and yet he lived in hopeful anticipation that they would have a reason to be alone. He couldn't say exactly what had happened to make him believe that she felt the same way about him as he did her, but some time in the past few months he had gone from thinking "if she likes me, too…" to "she likes me, too." And he knew it was true even though they hadn't spoken it.
X slowly dragged her thumb down his lip, letting it rest lightly on his chin. Buffer slightly tipped his head forward and kissed the tip of it, letting his face lean into her hand. He finally exhaled, sighing out the angst he had felt about whether she'd allow anything to happen between them. Because he knew it was her call. He would not question her decision. If this one touch was all he ever got from her then he would be satisfied. He would not ask her for more. He would do anything for her, including leaving her alone and never speaking of this moment.
"I don't believe anyone would fault me for falling for you," She said as if she were speaking aloud to herself, "You, yourself, are beyond reproach, Buffer." X leaned closer to him and rested her forehead against his. She could feel the heat coming off his skin.
Buffer stayed still, waiting for her to make the first move. He repeated his mantra, my feelings for you are purely professional, in his head, except it sounded more like, my feelings for you are purely professional? and he wasn't sure yet if it was a good idea to tack a question mark on the end of it.
X moved her hand from his face to his shoulder, her thumb keeping contact with his skin where it met the collar of his uniform. She brought her lips to his and kissed him. It was tentative and so gentle and he responded likewise. She slowly pulled back and looked at him, her eyes searching for an answer to an unasked question.
"X…" Buffer whispered her name and gently brushed a strand of her hair out of her face. This was the answer she was looking for, a sign that she wasn't crazy, that she hadn't made this up—this electric charge that followed them around no matter where they were: in the RHIB, in the galley, on deck, on shore leave.
"We're on a mission: listening for the thieves. And when they board us, we'll be ready." She stated firmly, reminding them both about why they were here, under an old sail on this strange boat at night.
"We'll be ready," Buffer slightly nodded his head in agreement.
Suddenly he sat up straighter, listening. X went on alert, attuned to his body language after almost a year of working together in close quarters.
"What is it?" She whispered, straining to hear any new noises. The anchor chain clinked the same way it had been all night. The waves lapped against the hull in the same persistent rhythm.
"Nothing," Buffer relaxed again, "I just worried we were getting too distracted," he whispered in her ear.
"Right. That was…very distracting." X's mind, sharpened by years of Naval training, forced her back into the present moment against the wishes of her body. She had to admit that part of her attraction to Buffer was that he was as equally enamored of the rules and regulations as she was. "We can't get carried away," she sighed, imagining the possibilities of them getting carried away.
"X, I've been wondering...do you think we could get carried away in the future?" Buffer's heart was pounding in his ears as he asked the question which he had barely allowed himself to think. X, herself, was the person who had warned him against asking out women who were university types. If anyone was the sort of woman who wouldn't be interested in him it was the XO, with her degrees and certificates and training qualifications.
X smiled at him, putting him at ease. "Yes, Buffer, I believe we could get carried away at some point in the future." She was anticipating the day when she transferred back to a big ship and when fraternization rules would no longer affect them, a day when they didn't have Kevlar vests physically separating them and a greasy fish-gut scented deck as their romantic setting.
"Good. I was hoping you would want to get carried away together." He gave her a small grin as he leaned back against a stack of crates, content knowing that he would no longer be waiting for her in vain.
X mentally reviewed her checklist for the anticipated boarding, pushing untoward thoughts of Buffer from her mind. "Beyond reproach," she told herself firmly, turning her senses to the world outside their hiding spot again.