"If November was my girlfriend, I'd cut off my dick and wrap it up as Christmas present to express my commitment." -I absolutely fucking swear that this is someone who is definitely not Blazin' Blitz but it would be convenient if those were his exact words on the first of November 2021 and I (who is not Blitz either) just happened recite them.
A/N: This chapter is mostly irrelevant to the main plot, just some short escapades. Next one's where it's at.
1. The Game (a Lilly P.O.V. mini story)
2. "I'm built different" (an Iris P.O.V. mini story)
3. Size Isn't Everything (a Shakey P.O.V mini story)
Humphrey: The third one is the shortest (unironically) and arguably the most wholesome.
Lilly: I did it everyone! I finally helped a fanfic author in writing something!
Blazin' Blitz: First Garth in TMELIHS now you... soon I won't be writing MY OWN stories anymore.
Kate: (laughs maniacally)
Casual Saturday Shorts
"Williams Manor"
15 October 2019
Saturday 07:30
The Game -(a Lilly story)
Lilly's P.O.V.
I toss and and turn myself on this king-sized bed until my eyes finally flutter open. Every room in this mansion apparently had a bed this size. I stretch and feel every single pop in my joints, recalling the awful time I had falling asleep in this bed since I'm used to slightly harder mattresses and sheets. 'I hate to think like this but it's kind of lonely in a room this big...' I thought as I looked around the bedroom the size of Humphrey's former house's livingroom.
I jump out of the bed and walk to the mirror across the bed. "Yikes... you've had better nights, Lillian..." I say to my reflection. My hair looked like a nest and my sleepwear was loose on my body. I was about to question if I had a brawl with someone in my sleep. I click my tongue and grab a toiletry bag and towel from the drawers. I need to fix myself up before anyone sees me and my inner goblin. I exit my room and quickly walk down the hallways. I turn around the final passage to the bathroom and knock heads with... well, you know. The same wolf I've been corner-tackling since the beginning of his story.
"Is the universe trying to tell us something?" Humphrey asks as he rubs his probably sore chin. "I have no idea..." I lie. I know that the universe is probably telling us we're meant for eachother since we bumbed into eachother for more than four times but I ignore my guts. "But if this happens again, I'm buying you a bell." I say to him and pick up my dropped toiletries. "Heheh, good one..." Humphrey says but I don't laugh or even smile. "You are joking, right?" He asks me. "Maybe. Can I go now?"
"Yknow it's the first time ever seeing you... like that..." Humphrey says. Those words hit me right in the oof, and that's why I wanted to get to the showers in secret. I cover my face and try to walk past Humphrey. "It's weirdly hot..." That dumb yet loveable omega blurts out behind me. "What...?" I ask, totally taken back by the words he spat out without thinking. "Forget I said anything-" Humphrey tries to brush it off while stepping away from me. "That's the sweetest thing you've said but unfortunately, that's a point for me..."
(Team Blue (2 - 3) Team Purple)
"Wait, we quit doing that challenge, so it doesn't count." Humphrey protests against me. "You called my morning zombie look 'hot' even though you still have a crush on Kate? Damn, I dunno Humphrey, it sounds to me like you're still up for it..." And that's checkmate for the silly omega. "Woah, that's one hell of an unfair play..." He states which was sadly true and I didn't feel great bringing that up either. I'm sure Humphrey could see my guilty conscience since I never was good at feeling okay with doing something shitty. "I'll play your game." He sighs as he says. "But on one condition..."
"Anything... as long it's responsible." I tell him. He nods his head before "To make this game last as short as possible, I'm gonna spice up the rules."
"Okay?" I can't say I like where this is headed but I trust that Humphrey wouldn't make this a one-sided challenge with unfair rules. "We're allowed to call eachother couple nicknames that aren't... suggestive. Remember, this is only a mock romantic relationship, so let's not try to trick ourselves into thinking it's real. On that note, as soon as one of us thinks we've gone too far, we call it all off and get back to being friends." Humphrey concludes. His rules honestly aren't bad at all, so much for spicing it up.
"Oh, I got one rule that will really take things to another level. First to 10 points decides what's next for us." I say. This was only to speed up my game, and from the look on Humphrey's face, he was also hoping that it could last shorter. "Us?Woah, like if I get to 10 points first, I can make things official or keep it professional?" He asks me. "Or split the friendship." I add. Humphrey smacks his lips and scratches the back of his head. "Fuck, that took a turn." He tells me. "Kidding, we've been friends for almost our£ lifetime, it'd be a shame to waste in on my wager." I respond. Now I thought on it for a second time. Did I really come up with such a dumbass game in the spur of the moment? I feel like such an idiot...
Inside Lilly's subconscious mindscape:
Unconfident Lilly: Emergency meeting, other me's! Was the continuation of the bet really a good idea?
Doubtful Lilly: Definitely not.
Pessimistic Lilly: I knew it was gonna go wrong from the start. Humphrey will probably think we're weird for wanting to be his girlfriend through some stupid game.
Hopeful Lilly: It's way too early to have negative views on this. What if he agrees?
Pessimistic Lilly: Un-fucking-likely. He'll turn us down the moment we say "I", and "love", and "you" in the same sentence.
Intellectual Lilly: Maybe, maybe not. Especially not if we say it necessarily in that order, like we want to make it obvious. We need to be smart about the delivery. We can't sound like a dumbass when we win just so we can get turned down.
Playful Lilly: We can always just pull the "IT'S A PRANK!!!" card if it gets too deep.
Intellectual Lilly: That could work but he'll hate us after we say that. We might need a Plan C... or D... or E... or F... Intuitive Lilly, help me out here...
Intuitive Lilly: Nah, I've got a feeling the playful one's right.
Playful Lilly: Humphrey's all about jokes and memes, it's the perfect fool-proof backup.
Loving Lilly: We just gotta wait and see, plus we're in the lead so he can't object when he decide to finally hook up.
Doubtful Lilly: Hang on, this game was your idea! You got us into this mess!
Reasonable Lilly: Technically it's all our faults because all shards of us are required in a collective vote to launch any action. But it was the lovey-dovey one's initial idea, so...
The End
"I'm built different" -(An Iris story)
Saturday 10:25
Iris's P.O.V.
Free time. This is something I rarely get much of and how better to spend it by working out... or fingering myself if I'm just that fucking bored. Sure I check out some car meets from time to time but that's only for my brothers, I'm not interested in meeting new wolves at all. I already work with a dumbass so there's no need for anyone else to fill my plate... well maybe except for that one grey wolf who's friends with Katherine Quinn. Yeah, Humphrey Williams. I always feel some kind of way every damn time I think about him. I know him somehow... from somewhere...
I slap myself out of thinking too much on someone irrelevant. I enter my most visited CSE gymnastics center in the city and greet all the regulars I've met. There's Joey, a postitive and energetic middle aged wolf, who recently divorced his wife because he found out she had seven other guys fucking her behind his back, poor guy. Then there's Jack and Jill who are unironically twins. They often arm wrestle eachother, play tug of war tournaments and generally take their sibling rivalries out through fitness activities. Other than that, those two get along fairly well for siblings. Last and certainly not least is Xavier. This big guy's here almost every day of the week (when he isn't being the CEO's personal bodyguard) and when he is here, everyone let's him pick whatever station and equipment he wants. Thank God he and I are on good terms.
I walk to the receptions desk and hand in my CS: Crimson membership card to Terry. "It's been a while Iris. Finally got some time off your 'work', eh?" He asks me. "You bet. Too bad the most I could for the past couple of weeks was just take a drive around a couple of neighborhoods and spend time with my brothers. My parents keep me on such a short-ass leash..." I explain to the receptionist. Terry gives my card back to me as he looks ar me with an understanding expression on his face. "Look Iris, I get that you're an extraordinary teenager but you have ordinary parents. They probably piss the bed worrying about you. I bet your dad doesn't agree with the kind of work you do sometimes, hell neither do I but they support you and want you to be safe."
"Thanks Terrence. I needed that." I thank my favorite receptionist in the world before picking up my duffel bag. "No worries, have fun out there." He tells me as I make my way to the changing rooms.
After changing to my gym clothing, the first place I go to warm up is the treadmill to stretch my legs which isn't ideal but I need to practice my sprint endurance. It's sort of a requirement in my line of work.
I walk to the set of treadmills and find a wolf using my favorite one. Not a problem. There's nine others, anyway so I decide to pick one right next to her, 'coz why the hell not. Fhat's when I got a clean look at the wolf's face. "Well, if it isn't Veronica Frazier of Tell-Tail News. Pleasure meeting you here." I greet the reporter on the righthand side of me. "Always a pleasure to meet a fan." She responds without turning to face me.
(Holding Out For A Hero By Bonnie Tyler)
I step onto the treadmill and instantly start at level fifty, running speed. Now she turns to face me. 'Oh, of course that gets her attention...' Veronica looks back at her treadmill screen and increases her difficulty to fifty-five.
Where have all the good men gone
and where are all the gods?
Where's the streetwise Hercules
to fight the rising odds?
"Challenge accepted..." I mutter and crank my speed up to sixty. She sees this and up's hers to seventy. Now let's see if Miss Frazier is as quick at her legs as she is to report her news.
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night, I toss and I turn
and I dream of what I need!
I smile at the reporter beside me then increase my speed to eighty, sprinting speed. "Heh... this is where the fun begins..." Veronica Frazier says outloud before increasing her difficulty to eighty-five. Smart, she's trying to burn me out first but I'll still gonns crank my speed in intervals of ten. "Level ninety... now we're talking, ..." I say to my opponent between breaths.
I need a hero!
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast
and he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero!
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light
He's gotta be sure and it's gotta be soon
and he's gotta larger than life
Larger than life...
Veronica increases her speed to ninety-five with focus, commitment and sheer-fucking will in her eyes. I've never had this much fun since I met Humphrey Williams, how curious. I shake my head and hold my finger down on the control module and watch the difficulty reach a hundred, psychopath speed, and yeah, that's the . Wolves going about their usual exercise routines pause at the sound of loud electric whirring and running shoes banging rapidly on rubber treads.
Somewhere after midnigh
in my wildest fantasy
Somewhere, just beyond my reach
there's someone reaching back for me
Racing on the thunder
and rising with the heat
It's gonna take a Superman
to sweep me off my feet, yeah!
Veronica's grits her teeth and increases her speed to 110. Now she started running on the treadmill on all four's like a true, primitive wolf. "Wow Miss Frazier... that's pretty fast... for someone like you..." I say to my opponent between breaths and finish her off at 140. I kept on my two legs but I was now sprinting in an uncomfortable posture (refer to the show Devilman Crybaby running style). "Wow, Iris did it again?" Jill asks as she walks to the treadmill area and sees me running at 35mph on two legs. "Hey, it's that news reporter lady. Why's she running on all four's?" Joey asks after Jill. Crowds of wolves start to gather around Veronica Frazier and I.
I need a hero!
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast
and he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero!
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light
He' gotta be sure and it's gotta be soon
and he's gotta larger than life!
Veronica lowers her treadmill's speed to five so she could get off. "I don't get it. Who... what are you?" She asks me as she catches her breath on the floor.
I need a hero!
"I'm..." I pause to lower my treadmill speed. "I'm built different." I say to her as I get off the machine. "Hehehehe, she said it! She said the thing!" Jack exclaims at the reference. "Honestly, my legs're gonna feel this tomorrow morning." I say to myself and stretch out my thighs and calves. "You're special, kid... like, way above average special..." The reporter tells me. "Yeah, I get that a lot."
The End
Size Isn't Everything -(A Shakey Story)
15 October 2019
Shakey's Residence
Shakey's P.O.V.
"They'll ll see, that'll all see! I'll finally be one of the popular guys in that stupid school! But it's becoming increasingly obvious. I can deny it no longer! I am small."
Reba giggles at my speech then rests her hand on my left shoulder. "It doesn't matter if you're popular or not, Sam. You're funny, equally as smart as you are dumb and generally a great guy to be with. Fuck popularity." She tells me. I smile at her before responding. "I like your funny words hot female." I say, unlocking a whole new level of CRINGE. "Ahh, it's such a major turn off when you talk like that!" Reba yells before throwing herself back onto my bed. "Huh? That's not what you said last time."
"Ugh, most of the time it's hot then sometimes it's so cringey that it makes me want to sow my cunt shut." She responds, still looking up at the ceiling. "Ouch..." I mutter quietly before sitting down against my bed. Reba's words stinged harder than I'd like to admit. She peeks over the edge above me and runs her fingers through my hair. "Hey, I said sometimes. You're still smart, adorable and mostly funny and I love you for that." And just like that, adios depression. Man, this girl works wonders sometimes.
"Could you repeat that?" I turn around to face Reba as I ask. "Sometimes?" She says questioningly. "No, after that." I tell her, impatiently waiting for her to say the magic words again. "You're smart, adorable and funny." Now I knew she's intentionally avoiding saying it again. "No! The "I love you" part- oh shit..." I accidentally blurt out loud.
(Team Shorty (1 - 2) Team Busty)
"Get psychologically out played." Reba busts her ass, laughing at me. "Why does your brain have to be as big as your chest?" I ask her as I sit down again. Reba shakes her head at me then joins me on the floor. "Size isn't everything. Your bundle of personality makes up for me having to kneel down just to hug you..." She jokes. "Now that's over-fucking-exaggerated and you know it. I'm atleast tall enough to reach your chin."
The End
The Lounge: Based Shitposts
Kate: Those three P.O.V stories where literally random shitposts.
Garth: Casual Saturday slice of life shitposts.
Lilly: Mood.
Humphrey: Based "casual Saturday slice of life" shitpost.
Kate: The next chapter better be long to compensate for this garbage.
Garth: And your penis.
Blazin' Blitz: My depression is immeasurable and my day is shat on...
Garth: We do not care :D
Blazin' Blitz: Assholes...