Sickbay Buddy

Do you have your Sickbay Buddy? Over the years Chakotay and the Captain have always been there for each other when one of them enviably ends up in sickbay, a welcome face during a usually stressful time.

When Kathryn nearly passes out on an away mission Chakotay naturally rushes to her side. But that day he ends up breaking one of their rules—trouble is it isn't the one he thought he was breaking. What is a Captain to do but sort it all out once and for all.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but I thankfully get to play in the sandbox.

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The room was spinning.

The air around her was hot and stuffy.

Beads of sweat lined her forehead.

A terrible sweet taste appeared in the back of her mouth.

Kathryn heard the Doctor say 'severe case of dehydration' but that didn't seem a sufficient description for how terrible she was feeling.

Her head was pounding, sweat now slipping down her face.

Her arms and legs felt like they each weighed a ton.

Her heart started pounding in her chest like it wanted to explode.

Dehydration certainly wasn't enough—in her mind—to explain why she had collapsed on the away mission. She narrowly missed hitting the ground thanks to Tuovk's quick actions. Her inability to recover and stand on her own resulted in an emergency transport to Sickbay and Chakotay frantically rushing from the Bridge to meet her.

He was now hovering over her and it was doing little to help her head, she felt the need for fresh air.

In truth he was standing there rubbing her back trying to comfort and care for her while the Doctor processed his scans. The trouble was, it wasn't helping.

She felt hot, too hot, it was suffocating her and his touch was only making it worse. She had never been one to suffer claustrophobia but in that moment she was, or something like it. The room around her was continuing to spin and her stomach was turning somersaults, it was getting harder to breathe. The sweet taste in her mouth got stronger. She needed space or she was going to—

"Chakotay you need to stop—now" she cried, panic taking over. She tried to push him away but she had little strength. Desperately she attempted to take control of the situation. Yet her efforts were all in vain—he didn't get the message.

"Why?" He demanded, suddenly becoming upset.

"Because I'm not supposed to care this much, show this much emotion? I'm not supposed to let anyone see how much you mean to me, how concerned I am? I'm not allowed to get too close to you? I'm not allowed to love you and no one gets to see how much I want to love you, how much I want you to let me?" He was all but yelling now, in front of her gesticulating with his hands. Unable to stop him she looked on, terrified at what was happening.

"I care Kathryn, more than I'm allowed. I'm sorry I come running when you are hurt or sick but I'm not going to stop. You might insist on following stupid protocol but I can't, I don't want to. And I know I'm not allowed to actually say any of this and that's why I need to stop, that's why—"

She tried to interrupt him several times but he wasn't paying attention, unaware of how urgent it was. He was ranting and she could do little to stop his sudden exclamation. As he talked her eyes went wide with fear—another thing he ignored—

And then—

—She threw up all over him.

They both froze.

Kathryn looked up at him turning bright red and feeling completely miserable.

The horrible acidic taste in her mouth mixed with her embarrassment and she feared she might start crying. This on top of her current physical condition was almost too much for her to deal with mentally, she honestly didn't know what to do. Normally this would be when she needed his help the most. But now with him covered in her vomit and in a state of shock, he was clearly unable to offer little help.

"This was why you needed me to stop wasn't it?" He asked as a red shade of embarrassment washed over him at the realization that his outburst had been unnecessary. All she could do was nod as she felt the tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"Doc can you?" he asked, turning to find the hologram accessing the situation.

"Yes. Captain, let me help you." The EMH said, swooping in between them to take charge as Chakotay began to back up.

"I'm going to...go" he said, not looking at either of them.

Kathryn couldn't find her voice, unable to object to his abrupt exit. She wanted him to stay, she needed him to stay. Instead she just sat there in despair as he rushed away from her and out of the room.

Alone with the Doctor, Kathryn was unable to stop the silent tears from sliding down her cheeks.

"Here Captain, let's get you cleaned up and feeling better." He declared restoring his total control over the situation. She simply followed his lead as he handed her a towel and a glass of water.

"Drink slowly and when you are done let's have you lie down and we can get some fluids back in you. Lots and lots of fluids." On auto pilot she nodded and took a few small sips of the water.

"All this from dehydration?" she sniffled a few minutes later when she finally recovered enough to talk to him.

"Yes I have warned you before. Coffee is not the best source of hydration or nutrition. Undoubtedly that was all you had to drink or eat today. And don't get me started on the side effects of caffeine. Combine that with the hot arid conditions on the planet below and lack of protective head wear. Two hours of that with no hydration of any kind and you collapsed from severe dehydration. It's just science of the human body, Captain." He scolded her lightly as she drank more of her water.

"Oh" was all she could say, wiping the remains of the tears from her face. They were both silent for a while as she just sat there and very slowly consumed the remains of her water. She was too miserable to even enjoy the cool liquid on her dry throat. Honestly she couldn't remember the last time she felt this embarrassed.

Chakotay's absence oppressively hung over the silence. He was always there when she needed medical attention—if he could be.

"Are you ready to lay down?" The EMH asked, taking away her empty glass. She simply nodded. Carefully he helped her into a comfortable position as her body still did not want to move much on its own.

"Far be it for me to give you personal advice Captain, but I think it is time to do something about Commander Chakotay—what he said." He told her as he scanned her once more.

"Yes I know, I know. I have been meaning to, but I just can't seem to find the right time..."

"To let him down" the Doctor finished.

"What no" she exclaimed trying to sit up. Thankfully the Doctor stopped her, if not she would have thrown up or passed out once more.

"Easy Captain, please don't move very much, your body doesn't like it. Tell me what do you want then?"

"I want what he wants—to explore this thing between us, to have a relationship." She admitted, later she would blame her condition for her willingness to admit her feelings to the Doctor.

"Then why haven't you told him?" The Hologram asked as he administered a hypospray to her neck.

"Every time I plan something and think out what I'm going to say it sounds so stupid or mushing or silly. Absolutely not romantic and I can't go through with it. So I thought I would wait for the right situation to present itself." Kathryn admitted with a sigh.

"I think you both have had enough spontaneity, you need to just tell him."

"Obviously" she huffed. "But I can't do that right now can I?"

"No, and since you can't, I recommend you close your eyes and relax. At the moment, I need you to remain calm, maybe try not to think about the Commander for a little while. When you feel better I have no doubt the words will come. But for now we need to focus on making you feel better. I am going to give you a mild sedative to help, just to be safe." He advised moving to retrieve a new hypospray.

"A sedative? How long will it last?" She questioned, eager to feel better. And eager to find Chakotay as it was unlikely he was coming back.

"I'm afraid Captain you will be spending the afternoon here with me." He told her apologetically as he released the hypospray. A few moments later she could feel her whole body release the tension it had been holding and to her surprise she felt deliciously drowsy.

=/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\=

"You broke our rule." Kathryn accused her First Officer when she was granted access to his quarters. It had been several hours since she had been sick all over him. She was now feeling much better and her sole focus was on sorting out their situation, once and for all.

"I know, I'm sorry" Chakotay moaned, dropping his head, not meeting her eyes. He was sitting on his couch as he hadn't gotten up when she entered. At least he had the decency to look ashamed but she knew it was because of what he said and not what he did.

She honestly was a little angry with him. If he had stayed—once she felt better—she could have cleared up the whole mess immediately. Even with the Doctor listening she have been prepared to tell him how she felt. Plus if he had stayed she wouldn't have had to suffer all the Doctor's fussing alone.

Now that the sedative had worn off, her head was clear, she was no longer about to pass out and she was ready to talk. Ready to let him know exactly how she really felt, about it all. Ready to start a new phase in their relationship. She couldn't wait any longer, she didn't want to. The only thing standing in the way was her ability to communicate her feelings to him.

"When one of us is in Sickbay the other does not leave until either the Doctor kicks us out or we leave together—the only exception is if an emergency requires us to leave. There was no emergency and the Doctor did not kick you out. Yet you left me there." She huffed hands on her hips, she was playing it up slightly, but she generally was upset he had left her.

He didn't even react to her comments, instead he kept avoiding her gaze.

Kathryn resisted the urge to huff at him.

"I didn't think a little vomit was enough to scare you away." She added before joining him on the couch.

"You know why I needed to leave." He replied softly, staring at his hands in his lap.

"I know why you think you needed to leave. But if you would have stayed—when I was cleaned up—you would have found out you had no reason to leave." She corrected him sternly while putting her hand on top of his hands.

"No reason? Didn't you hear what I said? I broke more than one of the rules." He cried pulling his hand away from hers not bothering to look at her and clearly not wanting to look at her hand either. She took a deep breath before continuing, she hadn't expected him to put up this much resistance.

"To be fair I only heard some of what you said. I was a bit preoccupied at that moment with—you know. Plus I felt like I was dying." She admitted trying to lighten the mood, which failed.

"Well I guess that makes it easier to take it all back." He grumbled ignoring her lighter tone and continued to brood.

"You don't need to take it back, that is what I am trying to tell you." She stressed working hard to get through to him without getting frustrated. This was too important, she wouldn't start a fight while she was trying to tell him how she felt.

"You must not have heard what I actually said." He practically snapped at her.

"I got the important part. You love me and you want to be allowed to love me. I am certainly not going to stop you. Though I doubt I could stop you if I wanted." She said a smile playing at her lips and she wished he would look up so he could see her face.

"There is more to it than that" Chakotay grumbled.

"Yes I know I am getting to that. A relationship, you would like a relationship. Well so would I." she told him, saying it as plainly as she could, or so she thought.

"The difference is I want a romantic relationship, you want a friendship." He argued gruffly. She had to admit that he had reason to believe she wouldn't or couldn't want that type of relationship with him. She clearly needed to work harder to get through to him.

"No. Listen to me. I want what you want" she said firmly.

"What?" he exclaimed, his head finally popping up and his eyes searched hers looking for confirmation he had heard her correctly.

"Yes, I want a romantic relationship with you. You should really stop trying to put words in my mouth. What I am saying is, I love you." She replied with a grin on her face now that she had finally gotten through to him. This had been harder than she expected. He hadn't cooperated as she thought he would.

"But you never said anything?" He responded confused as if he didn't believe her.

"No, because I was foolishly trying to find the right time, the right place, the right words. When I couldn't I thought I would leave it up to fate to provide one and this is how it happens, I throw up on you. Because that is so romantic." She scoffed, rolling her eyes trying to push down the embarrassment she still felt.

"It actually kind of is." He said with a goofy grin.

"No it is embarrassing, that is what it is." She corrected him with a groan.

"Not when you do it." He argued, still grinning at her.

"You're biased."

"Yes I am" he beamed. "But I have to ask why now? What changed? I thought you wanted to follow protocol?"

"Last month when you were hurt…" She began but paused as the memory played in her mind.

"When I was helping fix that EPS conduit and it exploded?"

"Yes" she nodded.

"I would have thought that would have the opposite effect, I did get those burns all over me." He joked and she rolled her eyes at him once more.

"I was by your side in Sickbay and I realized how much I took for granted that I got to be there with you and you me." She informed him, she needed to be serious for a moment. Taking a deep breath she continued.

"It isn't about a Captain and First Officer or a friendly face. Any one on Voyager would be considered a friendly face at this point. Tuvok is a friendly face but he isn't the one I want to see, I want to see you. And I want to be the one there for you. But I don't have any real right to be there except as your Captain and that isn't why I'm there. I thought you might feel the same way." She desperately tried to put her feelings into words.

"I do. I come to see you in Sickbay because you are the most important person in my world. I don't want anything to happen to you." He admitted and to her surprise, she felt a sense of relief at his words. Even after his earlier declaration there was still a risk he would turn her down. The possibility that she had waited too long.

"This means you don't get to run away if I throw up on you again." She informed him, a mock serious to her tone.

"You can throw up on me whenever you like." He replied sweetly.

"My goal is not to throw up in general, it usually isn't pleasant. I prefer not being sick in general."

"And not having to go to Sickbay." He added with a laugh, they both knew how much she hated being a patient in the Doctor's domain.

"Yes, especially when my Sickbay Buddy leaves me." She responded, raising an eyebrow at him.

"An error, I promise never to make again." He vowed, holding his hands up in an act of surrender.

"You better not."

"I promise" he replied. He then reached up and gently caressed her cheek. "Does this mean I can kiss you?" He asked, seeking permission with both his words and his eyes.

"Yes, don't worry I brushed my teeth before I came here."

"I would still kiss you even if you hadn't" He replied and before she could make a comment on how disgusting the idea was, he leaned closer and kissed her. The kiss was gentle and far too short leaving her wanting more as he pulled away.

"That was nice." She said softly, opening her eyes to look at him.

"How are you feeling?" He inquired, looking her over for the first time since she entered the room.

"Okay, I spent the last six, seven hours in sickbay with the Doctor as he slowly pumped me with fluids. Though he gave me a mild sedative so I wasn't completely there the whole time." She sighed, happy she was now safely out of sickbay and no longer feeling sick to her stomach.

"How are you feeling now?" He asked again.

"Surprisingly I feel tired. But my head doesn't hurt too much, the room isn't spinning, my arms don't feel like they are made of lead and I don't think I will throw up on you again. Oh and I am starving." She answered him honestly, not even trying to pretend that she felt better than she did.

"We should fix that." He suggested putting a comforting hand on her arm.

"The Doctor warned me to eat light and no alcohol or strenuous activity for the next few days." She informed him of the limitation the Doctor had placed on her.

"What else did he say?"

"Obviously light duty only till he clears me. No more than one cup of coffee for the next few days. And I'm not allowed back down on the planet." She wasn't that upset about not going back down to the planet, it was hot and uncomfortable. Though she would only have admitted that to Chakotay.

"I see" he replied looking at her skeptically and she knew what he was thinking.

"The thing is I'm inclined to follow his directions. Even if they seem more than necessary" She confessed, trying not to laugh at his surprised reaction.

"Really even the coffee?"

"Yes. I honestly felt like I was dying and at this moment I will do anything not to feel that way again. But don't tell the Doctor, it would only go to his head and create future expectations." She said laughing, the last thing she wanted was the EMH to think she would just do as he asked. She had a reputation as a difficult patient to uphold.

"You know you were technically dying. When the human body runs out of water the human dies. Your body was yelling at you."

"Thank you Dr. Chakotay" she grumbled playfully. "I'm listening to it now, don't worry."

"Then first we need to feed you" He declared taking control of the situation. He didn't need to but after the day she had she was happy to let him take care of her.

"Soup, pasta soup, just pasta, just broth? Does any of that sound light enough?"

"Pasta soup with extra pasta" she replied after thinking the options over.

"Pasta soup it is. Then I thought we could move over to your place so you can take a bath. And then I could massage any of those muscles that still hurt." He offered hopefully and it all sounded wonderful. She was reminded how much he knew about her likes and dislikes.

"That sounds wonderful but you do know a massage will put me to sleep." She warned him.

"Yes I do."

"Then I have one condition" she countered.

"What's that?" he asked curiously.

"Stay with me tonight after I fall asleep. Stay in my bed with me." She clarified. "I want to wake up with you."

"Sounds perfect." He quickly agreed, giving her another kiss that only made her want more. "But first food." He said standing up and taking her with him. She laughed as arm in arm they headed over to his replicator.

A/N This is one a few stand alones that I have been working on for a while all taking place in Sickbay and focusing on the progression of J/C relationship. I am playing with the idea of a series but not sure. Please let me know what you think, if you like it, if you would like more. Also the title did come from the exit buddy line from Finding Nemo and once it was in my head it wouldn't go away! Thank you for reading and I really hope you enjoyed it.