I've returned with another fic! This one is a bit of an anomaly for me personally, firstly in that the format is different from anything I've written before, and secondly it's the first time since 20+ years ago that I've written something with no explicit content. It's based on chapter 33, so there will be spoilers for those who haven't read that far yet. It takes place as the Shinyas share one last dance together during their final training session, taking a look at what they might've been thinking and feeling, and all the things they're not expressing in words but hoping that they're conveying to each other.

Suzuki's thoughts are shown in plain text.

Sugiki's thoughts are shown in italic

Shared thoughts are shown in bold

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Well, it's finally here. Our last night training together. It's only fitting that we start out here, in this park where we shared so many nights. It's dark, but I can see your eyes shining in the glow of the streetlights. Are you gonna cry? That'd be a first, even though I've cried in front of you a bunch of times. Oh, now that we're in hold, you've turned away and I can't see your face. You better not insist on that proper hold position the whole time. We're gonna go till sunrise, right? We don't need to say it, we just know. And we're not staying in one spot, either, we'll dance all around this place where we spent the last eight months training each other, getting to know each other…falling for each other.

When we started out, I had no idea if this was really gonna work. We were butting heads so much, it didn't seem like we'd make it more than a couple weeks before driving each other insane. But we're alike in that we both share the same drive, and maybe we're also just too damn stubborn to give up. You've spent years being forced to play the role of underdog, even when you're pretty much equal to that guy. And you know they won't let you win, but you've kept trying this whole time. You keep training, keep improving, keep working toward the day when you can get far enough ahead to where they can't deny you, when you can finally stand on top of the podium and say, "No, fuck you, I'm number one." You told me all those months ago that I inspire you, and I hope you know the feeling's mutual.

I was captivated from the very first time I saw you. I knew immediately that you were special. Yes, your technique was atrocious and it defied all of the stringent rules of ballroom dance, but you exuded the qualities I was lacking, with your innate ability to express the essence of the music through your body, your ostensible sensuality, and most of all, the joy that effortlessly radiated out of you. You were so overwhelming that I came to picture you as an otherworldly being, my own enthralling God of Dance. What would you think if you knew that, I wonder? Would it inflate your ego and make you even more arrogant? Or would you get embarrassed and show me that adorable blush once more? Perhaps both at once, that would be ideal. You're so expressive, sometimes to your own disadvantage, but it's always a delight to see your emotions on display. Even though we haven't practiced Latin in quite some time, I've still learned a lot just by watching your face every day. You've unlocked things inside of me that I didn't even realize were there…

I've come to find the way I was raised wasn't typical for a professional dancer. Most of them are like you, and turning pro and winning comps are goals they've had since they were little…though your level of single-minded focus goes way beyond most of them. But me, I was just being influenced by the dancers I was surrounded by every day; it was in my blood, my culture, my life. When Dad suggested I make it into a career, it seemed like it'd be an easy option for me. I mean, it's not like I had any other skills anyway. But it was an uphill battle when I started out. I wasn't ready to have the freedom I felt when dancing be crushed down and molded into a neat little box that followed a bunch of rules. It was stifling, and it took years before I could feel comfortable going through the motions that were needed to get me to the top of competitions. I ain't strategic like you, but I learned to be so I could make good money to send home to Mom and my sisters. Don't get me wrong, I never stopped enjoying dance, but holding myself back so I wouldn't rise up too far made me feel trapped, like a caged animal. And then you came along with your offer to train each other for the 10 Dance. I didn't even wanna do it, but you goaded me into it somehow. I didn't know then how much that simple agreement would change my life…

I hope you know how grateful I am.

For years, I cherished any chance I had to share the same venue as you, and when you participated in competitions where I was not present, I would come up with some excuse or another to give Mr. Urashima as to why I needed DVDs of those performances. I could enjoy your mesmerizing routines to my heart's content, though nothing was quite comparable to the spectacle of watching you in person; even though you became more reserved compared to that first untamed showing, I could still see that fire lurking within you. I was intrigued, and I wanted to know you, though with us competing in different disciplines, and our parents holding a long-standing grudge against each other, it was difficult to imagine how that might happen. As a result of us both being national champions, we were occasionally in the same social settings, but we never shared any conversation beyond mere pleasantries. Though I was the one with a much higher standing in the world, you were the one who felt unattainable, sitting at the tip of my fingers yet eluding my grasp. It seemed like I would always be relegated to watching you from afar. But eventually, I noticed, you began to watch me back. I didn't know why, but I was finally on your radar. I then began to wonder how I could bring you into my life, and that's when I started considering the 10 Dance. It presented an opportunity for me to approach you with a proposal that would benefit both of us, though I couldn't be certain that you would even be interested in taking up my offer. And indeed, you initially rejected me, but I'm nothing if not persistent. Thus, I finally obtained what I had wanted, though as we spent more time together, I came to want much more from you than I ever would have predicted. I hope you know that I didn't plan for all of this to happen, but I'm glad that it did.

I've never had any relationship like this, and not just because you're a guy. Most of the time, it's just been quick flings with no deep attachments, and I'd soon move on to the next one. Even when they lasted a bit longer, I'd eventually get bored, or things would fall apart, but it never really bothered me 'cause there were always other options. But with you, it's totally different. Obviously, I wasn't looking at you romantically when we started, and we didn't even get along back then, but something started building between us despite that. That bond got deeper and deeper, and before I knew it, I was desiring something that went against everything I thought I knew about myself. Which I might've been able to ignore if you didn't feel the same way. But we started playing a dangerous game, getting more entangled in that passion, even as we acted like we didn't want it. God, you're an amazing kisser...I tried so hard to keep it at just that, but I couldn't help wanting more of you. Sex is usually how my relationships start, so the months of longing and buildup with no payoff really got to me. I was frustrated, sexually and otherwise. Then you went and said all that weird stuff about how much you wanted me, and I just couldn't take it. You were obviously not in touch with reality, and were oblivious to the stalemate we faced as two men who both need to be in control. You needed a reality check, and I should've picked a better way to do it, but I just sorta snapped. I pushed things too far, and I hope you know I'm sorry.

Soon after we began training together, I was struck by how compatible you and I were. Even when we clashed personally, we managed to sync up well when we danced. I've been told that I'm difficult to work with, so it has been quite challenging finding someone who can keep up with my demands. I've cycled through many partners in my lifetime, and you were the first who was capable of keeping pace with me. Such a cruel fate that my ideal partner would end up being someone I can't compete with in official competitions…but is this actually what I had wanted all along since I first saw you? Now that I think about it, the Emperor's Hold I created just isn't suited for leading a woman's small frame. Did I subconsciously make something more suited to two men hoping that you would one day dance with me? That doesn't quite match with my previous goal of having my professional and romantic partner be one and the same, though; I never pictured you as the latter until much later on. With Liana, we meshed well, and becoming romantically involved felt natural and convenient. With you, it was certainly not convenient, yet it was absolutely irresistible. And though I thought the disappointment I felt when she left me was the worst feeling I would ever experience, it was nothing compared to the devastation of losing you. But through all of that, our connection remains even now. Will it still be there after we spend months apart? I don't want to think about how it would feel to lose the closest bond I've experienced. I hope you know this means everything to me.

Even after we gave up on being together, I can't put it behind me. My feelings are just as strong as ever, and the binding thread that links us keeps pulling me toward you. There's no moving on from this. Falling for you feels like both the best and worst thing that ever happened to me...but I hope you know I don't regret it.

I know you'll thrive under Norman's tutelage. Selfishly, I relish seeing all of the influence I've had on you when I watch you dance standard, and I'm hesitant to allow someone else to take over and erase what I've imprinted into you. But Norman possesses merits that both you and I lack, and it would be best for you to learn as much as you can from his style. You'll make it your own, of course, since you're far too exceptional to be a mere copycat of anyone. I may have used my connections to help you, but the fact is, none of them would have agreed if it weren't for your raw talent and charm. I've seen you transform from a diamond in the rough into a truly brilliant star. I merely brought you to everyone else's attention, and people are finally starting to take notice. Before too long, you'll be receiving well-deserved accolades worldwide. I hope you know how proud I am of you.

I used to laugh when I heard some pros thought dancing feels better than sex. But with you, I get it…though I can't help but wonder if sex with you would feel even better. Our connection goes beyond anything I've shared with anyone, ever. I ain't had a bunch of different partners like you, but I can tell what we have here is rare. This doesn't just happen between anyone, it seems like a once in a lifetime sort of thing. I know it won't be the same with Norman, or anyone else. I'll do my damnedest to learn all I can from this "final gift" you're giving me. But this bond, these feelings, I know I'll only share them with you...

I've known this night was coming for months, yet I still don't want to face this reality. When Norman told me he was willing to take over your training, I wondered how I would feel once that day finally arrived. I've already experienced a feeling of hollowness when we've only been apart for a few days, so I imagine over the coming months the emptiness could devour me until I feel like vacant shell. I still have things I need to accomplish, though, so I can't allow that to happen, and I have plans to fill the enormous void that you'll leave behind. But there's no substitute for what we share, and I know I'll only be distracting myself from the heartbreak of being apart from you. I don't know what I'll do without this. If only the sun would never rise…

I hope you know you're irreplaceable.

I can tell you're thinking about our time together, too, I can see it in your eyes when I get a glimpse of your face. Sometimes you're smiling, sometimes you look down as we take our last dance down these streets. There were lots of ups and downs for us during the last several months, but we've both gotten a lot out of this partnership, and I don't just mean as dancers. Though you seem to base your entire identity and view of the world around your profession, I hope I can change that for you. I think that'll only happen once you're beaten by someone you actually respect. I can see that your fight against Giulio isn't fun or fair for you. You've sacrificed so much, even putting aside your own humanity when you thought it would help you win, but where has that gotten you? Your soul needs saving, and I want to be the one to do it. I want to be a worthy rival to you, to become the one capable of putting the Blackpool Monster to rest. I'm going to crush you in competition, but I hope you know it's for your own good.

I hope you know, even though I haven't told you…

I hope you know, now and always…

I love you.

Oh, the sun's coming up. We both stop, but we're in no hurry to leave each other's arms. I'm focusing on every point of contact, trying to sear the memory of your touch into my body. I wish I could hold you, kiss you, whisper sweet words into your ear. But at this moment, no actions or words feel like they'd mean more than what we shared tonight. We hesitantly let our arms drop, but our hands remain linked. I wanna look at you so badly, but I know it'll only make it harder to leave. We each turn to walk away in opposite directions, our hands still refusing to let go. Just a few moments longer...finally, one last mutual squeeze, and then we head off on our separate paths, already longing for the day when we'll meet again. After walking halfway down the block, I turn my head back, hoping there's enough space between us now that you won't feel my gaze. But you turn around at the same time, and our eyes lock from a distance in the soft glow of the early dawn.

I know.

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I've had this fic in mind for several months now, but it took the deadline of the 10 Dance fandom day on October 20th to force me to actually get it out. I hope the format worked okay, I haven't really done anything before that's all thoughts and feelings with very little described action. I do have plans for another fic, which will be back to more of my usual go-to of fluff and smut. Hope you enjoyed it, thanks for reading!