Ray and Heather
Me and Ray saw each other more and more. I mean Natalie and Bishop were gone, even Dodge, who had become a friend. But I still think I would've found my way to him anyway.
Never did I ever think I would feel something in my stomach when I saw Ray Hall. Butterflies? That sounds stupid, but the little flip my stomach did when he gave me that stupid smirk when I show up at his house didn't go unnoticed.
And his unexpected visits to Anne's farm late at night where he would stand outside my window throwing rocks like some dumb 80s movie and I'd peer out and roll my eyes.
And that time when I went to go apply for creative writing classes at community college half an hour away, and I left Lily with Ray. The whole time swearing something would've happened to her when I got back but all I found was a smiling Lily flipping through a new book with Ray so focused on it he barely heard me come in. I laughed at him and made some remark about how I didn't know he could read.
So when Anne went away for the weekend, and Ray offered to help me take care of Lily when she got home from school, I happily agreed. It had been a month of building up, but I'd been happy we'd waited because that night in Graybill would've been a mistake. I didn't know him then like I know him now.
I put Lily to sleep, while Ray started to put things away in the kitchen. Once Lily was sound asleep, I went back out to the kitchen.
"I didn't know Heather Nill could cook", Ray joked.
"Yeah I'm sort of a macaroni and cheese genius", I joke. "Thanks for cleaning up".
Ray comes closer to me. Too close, that way he does. It still makes my heart pound.
"Pleasure sweetheart", I feel his breath on my face and it quickens my own.
Ray turns around to fold the towel back on the counter.
"Ray", I say quickly to get his attention.
"Yeah?", Ray turns around leaning against the counter smirking.
"Lily is asleep", I come closer to him, my lips turning into a sly smile that I hope he'll interpret.
"Mhm?", he smirks, biting his lip.
"Like fast asleep", I whisper now closer to him.
Ray smiles, putting his hands on my waist.
"Nice, now we can watch that movie you wanted", Ray suggests moving away from me and towards the living room.
I'm frustrated now.
It's not like we get that much time to be fully alone.
I'd thought about trying to start something with Ray lots of times. Like when we were alone in his room and his grandfather wasn't home, like when we were in my room even if Anne was downstairs or out feeding the animals, or even when we were on his boat.
But every time I wondered if Ray even wanted to. He seemed to shut down when I tried to hint at it. Sure, he'd done lots of stuff for me like that first day on his boat. Stuff I didn't even know was possible to feel, but never farther than that.
I follow Ray to the living room.
I decide to just be forward, I'm not one to beat around the bush.
"This is one nice couch. Boujee house you lucked out with Nill", Ray sits down looking at me while turning on the TV, flipping through channels.
"Ray why won't you have sex with me?"
He stops what he's doing entirely and the TV ends up landing on the weather station.
He smirks like he's going to laugh.
"What?", He stifles in a laugh.
"Ray don't laugh!", I protest. "I'm serious, are you like not attracted to me or something?"
I see Ray's face change and he pulls my hips over to him, small in his hands, so I'm facing him right in the eye.
"Heather", he pulls me closer to him. "That's not it at all… seriously that's like the opposite".
"Okay so you're too attracted to me that you won't have sex with me?", I scoff scaracstically, leaning against him now.
"No, no", Ray runs his hands through his hair. "Okay it's just that you haven't before and that's okay, I just don't want it to change what we have. Believe me I want to, I just didn't know if you were ready or…"
I cut Ray off.
"I'm not a virgin", I say matter of fact but Ray gives me a look, raising his eyebrow.
I sigh.
"What gave it away?", I say quietly.
Ray rubs my arms up and down and then smirks.
"Because I can see through you sweetheart", Ray states.
I roll my eyes and move away from him.
"So you won't have sex with me because I'm a virgin… that makes a lot of sense", I move to walk out of the room. "Guess I'll just stay a virgin forever then".
I hear Ray come after me.
"Heather", he's laughing. "Come on".
I feel his arms wrap around me from behind reaching around to my stomach to pull me in towards him.
I laugh trying to wriggle away from him.
"Let's go right now", Ray whispers in my ear from behind, his breath catching.
I turn around to face him.
"No, offers off the table", I state and walk towards my room.
"Heather", Ray's still laughing slightly.
"Off the table", I restate still walking.
When we get to my room I sit on my bed and pull out one of my textbooks.
"Oh so you're just going to study now?", Ray raises his eyebrow at me.
"Yeah, that's what you think I do right? Study, work, take care of my little sister, never have a single sexual thought?", I say sarcastically, but a tinge of seriousness plays into what I say and Ray realizes.
He sits beside me on my bed, the bed sinking down on his side.
"Heather that's not what I think at all. You know how amazing you are. I mean you freaking won panic. Do you know how brave you are?", he pushes the my hair behind my right ear. "How hot you are to me? How when I think about you, when I'm with you, I can barely control myself? I just, I pull myself back because I don't want to ruin it with you… I don't want you to think I'm just in this for sex because I'm not".
"I don't think that Ray… I can see through you too… and… and I love you", I say.
He's taken aback now.
"I do", I whisper.
"You do?", He's grinning like a devil now.
I nod sheepishly, feeling slightly embarrassed. To me Ray is still someone that could break my heart if he wanted to. But then his lips crash into mine. Our tongues mingling, making that fire rise in my lower belly like it does. But I pull away.
"This is kind of where you say you love me too", I scoff.
He laughs and pulls me in whispering over and over again into my ear.
"I love you".
Kiss on my neck.
"I love you".
Kiss on my collarbone.
"I love you".
Now my tank top is pulled down.
"I love you".
Kiss on my shoulder.
"I love you".
I pull my tank top fully off and lay down.
Between my breasts.
"I love you".
I moan slightly.
He comes back up to my face kissing my neck again.
"Is that what you want to hear?", his breath is strained slightly, his gaze fixed on me.
"Mhmm hmm", I grin.
"Because it's true".
I kiss him hard and he returns the intensity.
"I went on birth control", I say quietly.
Ray looks at me a moment, surprised.
"When?", he asks licking his lip, and I notice my lipstick on the side of his face.
"That night after the Graybill house thing… I don't know, maybe that's dumb because I wasn't like even with anyone, but it just made me realize that I should be ready for when it does happen", I explain.
"And you're ready now?", Ray smirks.
"Yes", I say quietly and nod.
"I'm glad we didn't do it that night of the challenge, your first time shouldn't be in some old house", Ray laughs.
"I wouldn't have minded", I shrug, my gaze not leaving his eyes. "I think I just wanted it to be with you".
Ray smirks.
"Heather Nill", he starts tracing patterns on my exposed thigh which sends shivers down my spine. "You wouldn't even kiss me six months ago, let alone be in the same room as me without gagging".
"Well that was before I knew you", I smile and then joke. "And before I knew how you kissed".
"Mmm we do have a pretty good time doing that don't we?", Ray smirks and pulls my face into his.
I laugh against his lips, and we continue like that for a long time, before I lay down on my bed, unbuttoning Ray's shirt, as he begins to places kisses down my lower stomach.
"Ray", I interrupt him and he looks up.
"I have condoms in my bedside drawer", I smile.
"So the offer is on the table?", Ray raises his eyebrow and I roll my eyes. "Very elaborate plan sweetheart. I like it".
"Well it's not often we're alone", I say and laugh. "Plus I wore my nice bra".
"It is a nice bra, but I think it might look before on the floor," Ray laughs eyeing me up and down. "And you don't think Lily will wake up? I don't want to scar a kid, Nill".
"No, she's out like a light. We just can't be too loud", I kiss Ray.
"That might be hard for you Nill", Ray pulls me up to unhook my bra, and then kisses down my exposed chest, his breath setting my skin on fire and I moan slightly.
"I'll be fine", I let out breathlessly and Ray's grin is back as he starts working on unbuttoning my jean shorts.
"Alright", Ray laughs as his lips graze my thigh.
Ray pulls my shorts down and I kick them off so they're on the floor.
Ray then moves up to my face with a grin and I pull him in to kiss me while my hands fumble down his torso to unbuckle his belt.
"I can't get it", I laugh, frustrated, and Ray laughs taking his belt off and shimmying out of his pants.
"That's okay, this night is about you anyway", Ray smirks, and begins to line kisses down my breasts, down my stomach, and finally reaches my underwear which he slides his fingers under.
"See", I giggle through heightened breaths. "They even matched my bra".
"You could of just told me about your little plan, sweetheart", Ray smirks at me as he pulls my underwear down my legs.
I suddenly feel really exposed.
"Yeah, well I wanted it to be spontaneous", I state.
I move my arms over my body instinctively, feeling awkward. Ray's smile fades slightly as he notices.
He pulls my hand to his gently.
"Heather you don't have to be embarrassed of anything", Ray whispers to me.
"I know… I'm not. I just didn't expect to feel…", I don't even know what I feel.
"It's okay if you're nervous", Ray assures me.
"I'm not", I sit up a bit, trying to let Ray know that I do want this, and I want this with him. "It's just gonna be hard to get used to someone seeing me like fully naked and to not feel vulnerable".
"Yeah vulnerability has never been our strong suit, but I promise you, you can feel comfortable with me", Ray rubs my arms, slightly moving them away from the spots they're covering on my body. "And you don't have to cover yourself, Heather, you are so beautiful. Seriously I mean, don't you know how beautiful you are?".
"Stop", I whisper, feeling awkward.
"No, you should know it, and you should know how lucky I am, okay? I mean the fact that you're even allowing me to be here with you means everything to me", Ray states.
I smile and instead of saying something cheesy about how I love him too, I just lean in and kiss him.
"I'm lucky too", I smile, then move to Ray's ear. "Okay want to get past this sappy stuff and go to the feeling good stuff?".
Ray licks his lips.
"Well just lie back and relax sweetheart", He smirks moving down my body again.
When Ray had told me that one night about walking his fingers up and down my entire body without missing a spot, he wasn't joking. Except this time it was with his lips.
I'm starting to breathe heavily.
"You okay?", he questions looking up at me, grinning that devilish way he does.
"Mhm hmm", I nod closing my eyes. "Don't stop".
I hear Ray chuckle and say a small "okay", but my mind doesn't even process it.
I move one hand to hold onto the bed frame behind me to stabilize myself as I feel myself falling more and more out of control.
"Oh my god", I say loudly at one part that feels especially good, when I start to feel my legs shake, then I remember Lily is still sleeping in the other room.
"I told you you wouldn't be able to stay quiet", Ray stops for a moment to use his lips for something else, but it's only met with an eye roll from me.
Ray comes up to start kissing my neck, moving down my collarbone.
"Why'd you stop?", I breathlessly ask Ray.
He'd never done that before, always kept going until I was fully into a sort of oblivion that felt like a whole body release.
"Because, I don't want you to yet", Ray smirks then goes back to biting at my collarbone.
"Ray", I groan. "I can't have hickeys all over me".
Ray laughs.
"Alright lips will have to do then", Ray moves to my lips where we continue to kiss, exploring every inch of his mouth as Ray touches down my body until he reaches to where my heat is growing and slips a finger in as I breathe out.
"Does that feel okay?", He whispers in my ear between kisses.
"Mhm hmm", I nod feverishly, wishing with everything I have that he doesn't stop. I feel him putting another finger in and I let out a moan into his ear.
"Fuck, Heather", Ray moans in my ear.
I breathe between kisses as I feel myself come closer and closer, his fingers moving in and out intensely now.
"Now?", I speak the only word I can even muster up, almost as though I'm asking permission. My mind is all over the place, the only thing I can focus on is the burning in my lower abdomen.
Ray pulls away from kissing me to look in my eyes and watch me unconsciously pant, trying to catch my breath.
I think he likes seeing me like this. It's the only time I'll actually submit to him.
"Not yet", he smirks and takes his fingers out as I groan. "You'll have to wait until the real thing".
He moves away to open my bedside table and get a condom.
"These are the good kind too, the kind that don't break", Ray smirks.
I'm shaken out of my daze of pleasure.
"They break sometimes?", I sit up.
"No, no. They don't", he sees my face. "Don't worry, I don't want you to worry, just lay back".
I nod and lay back down. Thinking about getting pregnant was not a turn on for me. But I remind my overly anxious brain of the fact that I've covered all my bases.
I try to scan this over in my mind, which is already scattered from the fact that the only thing I can seem to focus on is the certain part of me yearning to be touched. Ray's already got the condom out of the package and on.
"You're sure right?", Ray asks me gently, moving the hair out of eyes.
"Yes", I nod and lean up to Ray, who I can feel grin through our kiss.
I take a deep breath in as Ray holds onto the bedpost behind him and I feel his breathe on my cheek as I feel him go in.
I wince slightly, it's an odd feeling, and I feel my muscles tense up.
"You okay?", Ray looks concerned. "Do you want to stop?".
"No, no", I plead. "It just hurts a bit but it's fine".
In my head I remind myself that this is what other girls my age do, I mean Nat told me her first time hurt. I'd heard it from lots of girls and wondered what it would actually be like.
"Okay", Ray kisses my cheek.
"I'll be fine, just kiss me", I whisper and Ray doesn't have to think twice.
We're kissing now while Ray moves inside me.
"That feels good", I nod against his lips.
"Yeah?", Ray smirks.
"Mhmm", I muster out.
This feeling is so different to me, at first I didn't know but now all I feel is waves of pleasure rush from my head to my toes.
"Oh my god", I'm moaning in Ray's ear now as we move together. "Oh my god, oh my god".
Somehow I can't come up with any other phrase, because my only focus is feeling Ray move in and out of me.
Ray laughs.
"Stop laughing at me", I'm able to get out between moans.
"Sorry sweetheart", Ray grins again while going back to placing kisses on my neck before getting to my ear. "You're so tight, fuck Heather".
"Ray?", I moan out.
"Yeah?", Ray breathes out
"I'm gonna-", I involuntarily shake a bit, as my legs twitch under Ray. "Fuck, don't stop".
Ray doesn't stop, instead going even harder to which my body reacts to by shaking all over.
I hold on to Ray, putting my hands in his hair above me.
Ray smirks as he watches me lose control, but I don't even care about the fact that he's joking with me, I close my eyes and enjoy the full body rush.
When it's over Ray comes too, breathing hard against my neck before groaning in my ear, releasing, but I barley even noticed as I was still riding my own wave.
But there we laid, my arms around him, him coming back to reality and to my face kissing me, while I attempt to kiss back.
"You okay?", Ray asked laughing slightly.
"Yeah", I breathe out. "I just- oh my god, I didn't know it would feel like that. It was so-".
I've had orgasms with Ray before but they were different when we weren't fully having sex. Much less intense.
"Yeah", Ray smirks as we lay in opposite sides in my bed. "Fun right?".
"Mhm hmm", I agree still in a daze.
"Something finally shook Heather Nill", Ray's making fun of me now, so I hit him with a pillow.
"Shut up", I groan, pulling my own pillow over my head as I hear Ray laugh.
He pulls the pillow off of the grip I have it in over my head and kisses me.
"You don't have to be embarrassed", Ray says quietly. "Besides your plan worked out".
I laugh.
"And Lily's still asleep!", I laugh.
"Thank god", Ray kisses me again.
"I'm like super tired now", I say. I mean it is midnight.
"Yeah", Ray laughs but keeps his flashing blue eyes on me as he says it, giving me that look. "Go to sleep Heather".
I think about it for a moment.
"I need my pajamas", I state and get up pulling the sheet with me slightly before it falls down around me.
Ray whistles, as I stand naked, my back to him.
"Wow my girlfriend is hot", I look back and he's laying up, bare chest exposed, although that's nothing new, eyeing me.
"Shut up", I say, but I'm smiling.
I open my drawer to pull out a big t shirt and some underwear and slip them on before plopping back in bed beside Ray, who pulls me into him.
I'd never slept bedside someone before so this felt slightly weird, but nice. I'd never really been held by someone before. Even when I was little, my mom was never one to cuddle.
"Goodnight Heather", Ray whispers in my ear.
For some reason some feeling overtakes me, my mind zoning in on the fact that I've never been this close to someone ever. Physically and literally. I mean not even Natalie.
"I love you", I turn around so I'm facing him and he leans in to kiss me, returning the phrase.
"You know I've never said that to anyone before?", Ray laughs slightly.
"No one?", I question.
"No, not even Luke", Ray smiles.
"I've never said it to a guy before" I nod.
Ray pulls me in and I drift off into sleep.
I'm awoken by the bed shaking and I realize there's someone on top of me.
I open my eyes slowly.
"Heather", I hear that sweet voice I love.
"Lilybug, what are you doing?", I laugh, still trying to wake up before I notice the situation around me.
I look over to see Ray still with his arm around me, sleeping, only wearing his boxers under the covers.
My mind jumps into action and I jolt out of any type of sleep I'm in.
"What's Ray doing in bed?", Lily laughs, and moves over so she's on him now.
"Well…", I try and figure out how I'm going to explain this. "We just got super tired last night while Ray was helping me study and we fell asleep on my bed".
Lily laughs.
"I wanna wake him up!", she squeals, jumping on the bed.
"Lily, stop, these aren't our beds", I protest, hearing Ray groan beside me.
"It's working!", Lily laughs and finally stops jumping, instead sitting right on top of Ray. "Wake up Rayyyy".
"Yeah I'm awake now", Ray laughs. "How am I gonna get back at you for waking me up at 6 o'clock on a Saturday morning?"
"Hmm, I don't know!", Lily laughs.
Ray pulls her in to him acting like a monster, making growling sounds.
"I'm gonna get Lily!", Ray plays along, and Lily laughs over and over again.
"What the hell are you guys doing?", I laugh happily beside my two favorite people in the entire world.
"You wouldn't understand sweetheart, it's our inside joke", Ray looks at me with that look that makes butterflies take flight inside me again.
How the heck does he do that?
"Yeah Heather", Lily mocks, laughing. "You wouldn't understand".
"Alright well Lily why don't I make us all some pancakes?", I suggest knowing Lily will be excited.
"Yes! Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes!"
"Okay why don't you go to the kitchen and pick out your favorite plate", I suggest to her.
"Okay", she beams getting off the bed and running off to the kitchen.
I get out of bed and close to door to my room then turn around to look at Ray.
"You're welcome", I laugh.
Ray smirks and gets out of bed, coming over to me, and pulls me into him, trying to pull me back onto the bed with him.
"Good morning darlin", Ray purrs in my ear, proceeding to kiss along my neck.
"Ray, we can't do this here", I laugh, pushing him away, but I'm smiling, which he can't see but can probably sense.
"I know", he smiles, coming back to my face and kissing me.
"But I want to", I smile, then kiss him. "Again… sometime soon. Like really soon".
"Heather Nill, you little minx", Ray makes fun of me.
"Shut up and meet me in the kitchen", I throw his shirt at him.
"Bossy, you know I like that in a woman", he says before I leave the room, groaning.
I start to make the pancake batter in the kitchen while Lily pours us some juice and Ray comes out to play with Lily and her colouring book.
"You're drawing in a tiger?", Ray looks surprised.
"Yeah", Lily smiles. "I know what they look like pretty well now".
Ray laughs and catches my eye.
"Yeah I think we've had enough experience with tigers for our whole lives", He laughs.
I bring the pancakes over to the table.
"Breakfast is served", I joke, putting Lily's down in front of her, a smiley face created out of chocolate chips and blueberries.
"Yay!", Lily squeals.
Ray catches my eye before I go back over to the stove.
He's smiling at me.
He mouths something and at first I don't take it in, but then he does it again.
I love you, he's saying.
I blush, tucking my hair behind my ears and bringing over some syrup for us.
Maybe all mornings could be like this.
All days, even.
For the first time, Carp didn't seem like such a horrible, mindless, end of the road place.
Here with the two people I loved, when I graduated all those months ago I never once thought this is where I'd be. But I like my life. And I like being in love. Wherever it takes me.