AN: CW for attempted suicide.

If you or someone you know is suicidal, please seek help from a professional, or call your national helpline. Proceed with caution.

He's peering over the edge.

In a moment where others would cower in fear, whether from their fear of heights, or the fear of jumping, Izuku feels oddly calm. His breath comes out in an even rhythm, puffs of vapor trailing through the cold air.

It's a chilly night, but the sky is clear. Stars are peeking through the glow of the city, but luckily where he is, the city lights aren't too harsh in his eyes. Not that he can see them, anyway. There are too many tears in his vision.

God, it's a strange sensation, looking over the edge. Though he's used to crying, having inherited that trait from his mother, he often cries because that's just how he's learned to express his overflowing emotions. Joy, sadness… he hasn't felt much of anything in the last while. He doesn't know how long he's been feeling that deep, cold emptiness within — he lost track too long ago. But now, he's crying because he finally feels free. He feels excited.

It's sickening.

Months of languishing in his room. Years of being called quirkless, a fucking weakling, a loser nerd. His own nickname is a reminder of how useless he is. Of how powerless he is.

He spent years feeling so helpless. So lonely. It's hard to vent your frustrations when the only person you have in your life is your mother. No friends — his weak self didn't have any of those, not really. And with a mother so emotional, it's hard to tell her, "Hey mom, I kind of want to die," without worrying her to bits. That wasn't an option.

As much as he loves his mom, as much as he craves her hugs, her soothing words of comfort, there are things she's said to him… the words she's said, they come crashing in around him, suffocating him in a blanket of insecurity and despair. He spent years wanting to be a hero so, so fucking bad. The words he wanted to hear were never uttered from her mouth. Never spoken to him, ever. "I'm sorry, Izuku?" Fuck, those words of pity made him feel even more hopeless.

What, "I'm sorry" you were born? "I'm sorry" that your one and only dream can't fucking come true? "I'm sorry" that these were the cards you were dealt with in life, and now you can't do shit because of it?

But this anger, this rage is a mere disguise. What he really feels, underneath this complicated mix of relief, of anger, is… sadness.

It's lonely, going to a high school in the middle of nowhere. It's lonely, seeing the people around him succeed — accomplish the dream he wanted to — while he's stuck rotting in his useless shell of a body. There's no motivation to keep going. No motivation to chase a dream so impossible, because it's never going to be possible, never going to be a reality.

What was it that Kacchan said again? "If you really want a quirk so bad just pray you'll get lucky in your next life and take a swan dive off the roof?" Hah. As if he'd jump to make that asshole feel happy. No, this is for himself. This is his sweet relief, his freedom to end all the fucking pain, a break from all the shit he's gone through.

His pores. They're sweating against the cold. He's smiling, and his breathing becomes more erratic as he comes to terms with his fate. He rubs his hands — scarred after years of hurting himself, and laughs. It's the most emotional he's felt in years. The feeling of being so high up, it's exhilarating.

There's only one last thing to do. With a deep breath, Izuku unlaces his shoes and slips them off his feet. The bright red color has been worn down over all these years. They've been battered, dirtied, flushed down toilets, all of that. He never bothered to buy new ones. As conflicted as he feels about his mother, he feels guilty, like a parasite, leeching off her. She already works herself to the brink of exhaustion. There's no point in asking her for more than she already gives, no reason to invest in a lost cause like him.

With a sigh, he puts the shoes down by the edge, stepping forward.

A short cough interrupts him from behind.

"It's chilly tonight, isn't it?"

Izuku turns around, a little caught off guard. It's too dark to see the man's features, but he's not very tall, and rather thin.

"How did you get up here?" asks Izuku.

"I took the stairs. Quite a workout for this old body," he jokes.

At the man's admission, Izuku snaps out of his strange stupor. He becomes hyper-aware of exactly how cold it is, the goosebumps forming on his skin, and the slight tremble he gets from the cold. The wind is especially strong up high. His tears are cold against his cheeks.

"You're shivering." The man takes off his jacket, offering it to Izuku. "Take it. You need this more than I do."

Izuku's a little hesitant and shakes his head no. "Why are you here?" he asks.

The man stands there for a minute, a cold gust blowing over them in the silence. He pauses.

"...I could say the same to you." Izuku looks down for a moment, a bit guilty. The man senses this, and grabs his shoulder.

"Sorry, I won't pry any further. But, is it alright if I talk with you for a minute?"

Izuku glances up, and finally catches the man's face. His cheeks are sunken in, but his eyes are kind and warm. He looks like he's seen a lot in his lifetime.

"Okay."

Together, they sit down on the edge, taking in the city below them. Everything from this high up feels so small, so insignificant. Even the city lights are dim from up here.

"So, tell me, young man. What's bothering you?"

What a loaded question. Izuku doesn't know how to respond. All the memories of his childhood, of all the bullies, his mom's words, everything is rushing back to him. He feels like he's choking, like they're suffocating him in a deep blanket of quirkless and useless and "I'm sorry, Izuku!"

"I… I don't know. A lot, I guess."

"Mhm."

Izuku looks up. There's something about this man, the charisma, the kindness, the friendliness… It's like he can tell him anything. He looks wise, clever, too. Probably figured out that Izuku was going to jump, seeing his shoes were placed neatly on the edge of the building.

"I think… I think I'm just lonely. Really, really lonely," Izuku admits.

"You know," the man chuckles. "So am I."

"How come?"

"Let's just say… People have high expectations for me. I create an image of myself for the public — but it's not the real me. It's like the image is about to crumble any second, but the only person who can keep it together is me, and me alone. There's no one to turn to about your secrets, no one to listen to you when you've had a rough day. It's lonely work, but it's work that must be done."

"Are you… a hero, by any chance? I don't recognize you."

The man laughs, and the sound is bright, though a little bit sorrowful. "You can say that."

Perhaps he's retired, Izuku thinks.

Izuku takes a deep breath, eyes gazing down into the streets. "I'm quirkless," he says. "Pretty rare these days. I wanted to be a hero so bad, but no one believed I could do it without a quirk. So they bullied me, pitied me. A lot."

"I'm sorry."

"You get used to it."

"That doesn't mean they're right."

"But they are. I can't be a hero without a quirk. I am fucking useless!" shouts Izuku, something deep snapping within him. The tears are rolling down his eyes again, and he's shaking . But these aren't the tears of freedom he felt earlier. He's just… Angry. And fucking sad .

"This one kid, when I was little… gave me nicknames, told me to commit suicide so I could get a quirk in my next life. And you know what? Here I am, about to jump off a fucking roof because I have nothing to live for, and no one's going to miss me if I do. I'm a stinky nerd who's a burden to my mom, a teenager that's just wasted space on this piece of shit planet. I'm so sick. I'm tired. I want my pain to fucking stop ."

And before he knows it, old, bony arms wrap around him. His anger is just gone in an instant, the hug calming his nerves, washing over his mind. And if he's getting tears on the man's jacket, he doesn't seem to mind. It's warm.

"The truth is…" the man says. "I followed you up here because you looked like me. I saw that look in your eyes and had a feeling you were lonely."

"Oh," he sniffles, embarrassed at his earlier outburst.

"I'm here for you, young man. And I'm glad we had the conversation we did. While I don't know what our meeting means to you, I guess… I guess this old man doesn't feel so lonely, anymore. So thank you."

The man offers his coat once more, and Izuku takes it this time, without hesitation. It's a gesture that's so small, so insignificant, but the concern this stranger has for his well-being makes Izuku feel a little less alone, too. This small act of kindness from this man might be nothing to him, but for Izuku… it means so much more. He's grateful to know that someone understands, that someone's willing to listen.

Izuku bows towards the man. "I should be thanking you."

The man puts a comforting hand on his shoulder once more, smiling, and they begin walking towards the stairs. Izuku leaves his shoes behind. He'll get some new ones soon.

"I never know what someone might be going through," says the man. "I never will. But… I try my best to smile for those in pain, those who can't. So that maybe, one day, they can smile too."

AN: Apparently in Japan, people who commit suicide leave their shoes behind before they jump. There are multiple reasons for this, but I hear it's so police investigating their death know it was a suicide, not a murder (because neatly placed shoes are a sign of no struggle, at least that's what I think). This can also be done so they "don't track dirt from this world to the next," or because that's what samurai used to do. Here, Midoriya leaves his shoes behind as a symbol that he's starting fresh, and that he acknowledges to take care of himself from now on.

This is a piece that's very dear to my heart. It's kind of like a venting story, and I'm aware that Midoriya is very OOC. It's pretty self-indulgent, I know, but this is based on my own experience and feelings. I hope you enjoyed it — I'd love to hear feedback on it!

If you were confused — In this world, Midoriya never meets All Might, and he was never attacked by the sludge villain. All Might still hasn't publicly retired yet, though, but he's been out of the public eye since he lost his powers at Kamino. Mirio is probably his successor, but I'll leave the details up to you hehe. (Nice to know he's still saving people in his retirement, though!)

And on another note, please, if you or someone you know is suicidal, please seek help, whether it be from a hotline or a professional therapist. I am not qualified to help, so keep this in mind when writing in the comments. Thank you, and please, take care of yourselves 3