Katheryn POV
Life has hit a thorny path but it's a thorny path that we can cut down and make a new flowery path. To blossom what has been tainted due to hate. I had a rough couple of nights but I was never alone. Nick's warmth and touch keeps the nightmares away. While Soren's warm smiles keeps me smiling. Feeling the love from family and friends. Like Rachel and John have been making us dinner. Helping Soren out with homework and kit sitting when needed. Grandmother Forester showing me old photographs and Kaia being a sister. Each was there to protest for me and I would do the same for them. With all of that, the thorny path is starting to be cut. Sometimes I feel anger and resentment but also hope and desire just like a Petunia. Which belong to the Solanaceae and the other plants that belong are chili peppers, tomatoes, and tobacco. Petunias look like tobacco, that's how they got their name. Nature can be so interesting. Petunias come in the colors of red, pink, yellow, blue, purple, and special. My favorite petunias are special and they're called Night Sky Petunia and Lighting Sky Petunia and they look like the night sky. One of the most beautiful flowers.
Mr. Rock has been arrested and I know he's only been arrested so fast due to solid evidence. Also, the protest and Gazelle being on my side. It's nice knowing that she's willing to protest for those who need it. If there wasn't they wouldn't have due to me being a vixen. We can deal with bigotry but when that happens it's difficult to deal with. For no mammal deserves injustice even hardened criminals deserve a fair trial. Even when the sickos deserve the death sentence. Those only criminals who do the unspeakable crimes deserve that fate. Zootopia does have it but criminals rarely get the death sentence and only two have recently got that. Those both deserve the fate that was dealt with them and Zootopians will cheer when their time comes. We will be one of those Zootopians, justice will be served that day.
"Former Officer Rock is behind bars today after wrongful arrest and police brutality," Fabriene said
"Reports say this isn't the first time he has dealt wrong with certain mammals," Peter said
"That was pushed aside due to bigotry." John said, "A wolf would have gotten justice."
John is right and what a sad world we live in. Well, I'm not alone with his bigotry and that makes me feel not in the spotlight. Still have to do an interview and I'll do that soon. Just have to find the courage to do so and how to do it. Or have someone willing to interview me. Most aren't willing to interview foxes but in this case, they would for my story is juicy. The media sure does a juicy story even when filled with lies most don't care about the truth.
Watching the video of him being arrested and seeing friendly faces supporting me. Like Skye and Ienzo standing next to each other and holding signs. Many bigots would think he was thrown under the bus. That he lost his career to a stupid druggie and doesn't deserve this fate. Looking down at my bandages and I keep them on for having a bad habit of picking at my scabs. Knowing I shouldn't, I don't know why I like doing it. With Evie's advice, I have been keeping them clean so they don't get infected. If they somehow did, losing my paws isn't the end of the world. If Aspen can live with lost limbs, so can I.
Looking back at the TV and seeing his smirk face. Mr. Rock says nothing but the smirk on his face says it all. He doesn't feel sorry at all or will ever feel sorry for what he has done. Seeing that smirk pisses me off. Feeling this unnatural sense of anger no more so resentment. I have never felt this way before. Even with my parents and I don't understand why I feel so angry. I know there are bigots I know there are bad police officers so why I'm I feeling this way? I shouldn't feel angry the Icenhowler's told me being angry is very bad even those they got angry with lots of times. I know anger can hurt you but it's still a natural feeling, isn't it? Clutching my paws tightly and soft touches them.
"What do you call a three-humped camel?" Nick asked
"I have no idea," I say
"Pregnant," Nick said
Moments later Nick and I laugh so hard. It's not the joke Nick knows it's stupid but it's his reaction. The tone of his voice and his laugh along with his face always makes me laugh. Laughter does wonders and that I can understand.
"Chili mac and cheese is ready." Rachel said
"Oh boy, I can't wait!" Soren said
John and Rachel have been helping out a lot and of course, our loved ones have been helping as well. Feeling hungry and tonight is a great night to have chili mac and cheese. When I was young I didn't like chili but now I love it. Smiling and heading over to the kitchen. We let Soren eat first and he can have much as he wants. He can have a big appetite when wants to. He gets his food and I'm next. Taking a long oval plate and grabbing a lot of chili mac and cheese Rachel made a lot. Putting guacamole on it for I still love it. Grabbing some peppers, crumblers, and cut apples. Taking a seat at my spot and Nick joins me after he gets his food. Then Rachel and John take their seats. Now we can enjoy dinner and I take a photograph that's a keeper for a wonderful photo book. Placing my camera down and take a bite of pepper. I always save my favorite for last. Looking back at the blank TV why did I feel resentment?
I felt anger and resentment during that time and it felt so bad. I still feel that even those I know everything turned out alright. Such thoughts for another day and I want to think about what makes me happy. Petunias are well-loved for they're easy to manage and brown thumb like Nick can take care of them. I'm surprised that he didn't kill his Easter Lily; they lasted a natural life. Those not all have been thorny for life can blossom in the harshest way of life. I saw that unfold.
I'm glad for the calm for life has been so crazy and I don't like that. Hopefully, this will be over soon and life can return to normal. At least it was discovered that the killer is male and right-pawed so there's no chance I did it. Nor Nick for he doesn't have the will to murder. Hopefully, ZPD can figure out the murderer before more are killed. Just how did he come around to murdering Ms. Wulf? Such thoughts are for another day.
Justice is going to happen for me and that's great. Most foxes don't get this swift justice for bigotry reasons. Of course, it helps that Chief Bogo is on our side and Meria Bogo is a lawyer on our side as well. That's always good to have. Of course, the many voices on our side helped out too. Evie and Foxt were pissed when they found out what happened. They have been for us in spirit; they're still on active duty. They will return soon and we can't wait to see them again. Mr. Rock will no longer be a police officer and he will go to jail. That's what he deserves and maybe he can change for the better but I doubt that. He has been very rude about this and screams that he's innocent. Many take his side simply because I'm a vixen but I'm not bothered by that. They're just the darkness of the world.
Now I'm doing what I do best and love to do is helping homeless mammals. I'm glad that they took my side and I'll keep on helping them. For that's what I love to do and won't stop doing. I'm glad that they were on my side. Just like I would be on their side. Heading over to the gentlemammal that first helped me out. Seeing that he's packing up his stuff and he looks up to see me. Also seeing that he's clean up and has fresh clothes. You can easily tell he's a Raccoon Dog. He's as tall as me and thinly built. Knowing has to because of him being homeless and food hard to come by. His head has pointed low-profit rostra and he has brown eyes. His fur is clean still dense and now soft as it should be. He has a white face and muzzle which has black fur around his eyes. A black mark that runs down his shoulder and back would look like a cross. Small round ears with black hair with white. Yellowish-brown fur with long guard hair on his dorsal side which has a black tip. His belly would be light brown, his limbs and chest are dark brown. He has a thick bushy tail that's black dorsally and light yellow ventrally having a black tip. He's wearing a nice lavender button-up shirt and black pants.
"Mrs. Forester I should introduce myself. My name is Rory Fernson." Rory said
"It's a pleasure to know you Rory and call me Katheryn," I say
He holds out his right paw and I shake it with my left. He has a firm pawshake and that's always good to have. I'm glad that he looks so well he deserves it. I still wonder if in another life I would be addicted to drugs.
"I'm heading off to Silver Heart Clinic," Rory said, "Drugs became my coping mechanism after my kits died in a fire. I already lost my wife, losing our daughter and son was my breaking point. Your kindness and photography made me realize life was worth living again. We loved photography. Now I love photography again in their honor."
"I'm sorry for your losses and I have a job for you when you get clean," I say
"I look forward to it Katheryn," Rory said
Seeing his warm smile and it will be nice to have more photographers on board. Nick can hire artists as he sees fit. We shake paws once again and watching him away. What would I do if I lost those who I love? Nick would become a con artist. He told me that and I do see that. Oh, how one mammal can change your life forever. If all works well I will have another photographer's best friend.
Serenity on board with Rory becomes another photographer on board. She has met him and they get along nicely. Nick is pleased and so is Kami so Rory fits in nicely. I know Roy can beat his addiction and do know that can be hard to beat. Work has been going well and I have been focusing on that. What's so thorny about life is that sometimes when you're down life makes sure you stay down. That's what happened to us or mostly to Nick and Grandmother Forester. Mr. Silkwood passed away in his sleep and the news upset them the most. I'm sad because he was a nice gentlemammal. Full of stories and wisdom I enjoyed hearing. I dread the day when Grandmother passes onto the rainbow bridge. That will be one of my rough days. Those thoughts are for another day. His funeral happened a few days ago and the wounds are still fresh.
Life has been so thorny and that sucks so much. First having to deal with the worst bigotry and even worst death of someone we care about. Mr. Silkwood died in his sleep and he knew it was coming. Makes sense since he was old and was sick. None of us knew that and knew he wanted that way. He didn't want us to worry and he was old death was coming to him any day now. He was proud to stand up to bigotry one last time. Looking over at Nick and he's wearing a nice suit with a military-styled tie to honor Mr. Silkwood. I'm wearing a nice lily dress and a cameo floral crown.
"You brought happiness to him." I say "You too Grandmother Forester."
"Thanks, Katheryn," Nick
"Thank you, my sweet grandchild," Marissa said
You know when Nick's upset when he doesn't go by nicknames. Feeling so bad for him and knowing that I'm going to feel like that when Grandmother Forester dies. Nick is going to be there for me. Hugging him and he holds me close and this still feels nice. Knowing that this makes Nick better for most hugs is healing. How they are I don't understand but it's nice for those who do.
He's having his funeral at his favorite church. We're sitting on the front row and Mr. Silkwood would have wanted this way. His friends are here, he has a lot of them and one of his friends a Thundrawolf has been looking at us. Not in a creepy way but interested. We only see one family member and their family. Mr. Silkwood told us he cut his bigot family off after they wouldn't change for the better. Only his youngest son stood with him along with his family. Like his father, he answered the call of duty and his family travels with him. He was glad that someone became his friend. To bring back the joy in his life. They deserve what they got for bigots who know better don't deserve your kindness and love.
"We're gathered here today to honor a great gentlemammal Michael Stan Silkwood. An honorable soldier, a loyal veteran, a loving father, and an amazing friend. He lived a long and fulfilling life which he wanted to live life to the fullest. Not letting anything weigh him down. Always willing to fight for good even meant losing what was important to him. He knew doing the right thing was worth it for doing good was never wrong to him. As a teenager, he answered the call of duty and he lived an honorable life as a soldier. When he was honorable discharged from the military he went to college. Finding the woman of his dreams and they married shortly afterward. They started a family a few years later and he became a loving family gentlemammal. Even those he suffered from PTSD lived life to the fullest and weren't worried about getting help. Suffered from losing his military buddies and stood or for veteran's rights. Lost his life and he kept on loving in her honor. To fight bigotry after opening up his eyes and cutting off bigotry family. He kept on fighting until the end and now he can rest in peace."
Mr. Silkwood was a lovely gentlemammal too bad his family isn't. Looking over at Nick what would I do if I lost him? We have talked in the past but time changes you. I don't know what to think now and such thoughts are for another day. In another life, I would be a military photographer taking photographs of the horrors of way. Yes getting help there's nothing wrong with that. It makes no sense why mammals get looked down on when getting help. That just makes them not want to get help. I won't stop helping others and I hope we get live as long as him. Living life to the fullest.
We listen to stories and wonderful stories about him. I hope ours is the same way when our blossom wilts away. Reunited with family and friends that we have lost. Listening to these wonderful stories and there are no dry faces. I don't cry much and Nick the same way today that's not the case.
A few minutes later Nick gets to the microphone and he wanted to talk. I'm amazed he never was afraid of talking in front of a crowd. I another paw could not I had too many butterflies in my stomach strange saying but I love it. Even when I was passionate about the project all those stares creeped me out. So I could only talk in front of a teacher. Knowing that he's going to a wonderful speech.
"I only knew Michael Silkwood for a short time but it was a wonderfully short time. He was a good and brave mammal always willing to do the right thing no matter the cost. Taking the chance to talk to him not knowing if he was a bigot. I saw him doing art and wanted to start a conversion with him. I did not regret it and always had a wonderful time. We connected through art and it was a great connection. He was a fantastic artist and a great gentlemammal. Enjoying his great stories of bravery and he never gave up. I know I brought joy to the last months of his eyes. I would never change that in millions of years. You always make someone's day for that changes their lives. I will never forget this wonderful gentlemammal."
Nick did have a wonderful speech and Mr. Silkwood would have loved it. He truly was a wonderful mammal. Nick takes his place next to me and we hold paws. Soon Mr. Silkwood will be placed in his final resting place and a place so honorable.
Life has been thorny but I know it will be back to normal soon. The pains and wounds will soon fade away becoming a distant memory. Our clients have been nice and that has been wonderful. Nick has been doing good for he knows that he's not alone and Grandmother Forester feels the same way. Bad times may happen but good times can rise from the bad times. A star that shines bright when there's darkness everywhere.
Things have slowly turned to normal and clients have been nice to us. Knowing something has been off. Bigots know to not piss us off so they have kept quiet about their bigotry. Good for I don't want to see that. Snapping a photograph and that's the last one for them.
"Alright all done and you'll get your photographs in a few days."
"Thank you,"
Watching the client leave and it has been a somewhat busy day. Getting a lot of work done and that has been nice. Work has kept us distracted and we have talked to each other. Talking to each other does wonders. Having hot chocolate is healing and another way is more healing. We just got to take the chance to find out. Nothing wrong with another path to talk. Something that's all you can do.
"He should be coming any minute now," Nick said
Yes, Mr. Snowdew will be coming any minute now. We have never been to a will reading before. For we never been part of a will. Grandmother Forester will have one she doesn't have much but we will love it. That's why we're dressed nicely and will end our business hours early. It has been a week and Mr. Silkwood got everything ready so it didn't take long. We know that he'll give us his artwork and old war photograph. Grandmother Forester is happy with the memories he gave her.
"It will be an interesting time," I say
Nick smiles and I do love seeing him smile. It has been rough for him and can recover in his own time. For we all heal at different paces. Just as how flowers blossom at their own time. Hearing the door open and seeing that he's right on time. It's time to go to a will reading.
Apparently, there's no formal will reading and it's just easier to do this way when there's more than one. His son got his military uniform and medals which he was happy with. Mr. Hartfield owner of Home for Heros is here. It makes sense why he's part of this will. He's a timber wolf and the great-grandson of his best friend from the military. Who passed a few years earlier. Mr. Silkwood other friends got their part of their lives and they would be pleased too.
"Mr. Forester I leave you the art that I have done throughout my lifetime. I know you will treasure that." Mr. Snowdew said "Mrs. Forester I leave you an old camera that was used in the military. It no longer works but you'll love it anyway. I leave you my war photograph which you'll enjoy as well."
Just like we thought and still wonderful to hear from him. Nick would treasure his artwork until the end of his time. Mr. Silkwood, right I would love a camera even if was broken. Adding this old camera will be nice to add to my collection. Having more photographs thrills me even when they're dark moments in time. Life will always have darkness just like it will have life.
"I also leave you with another gift." Mr. Snowdew said
What else has Mr. Silkwood left us? Nick and I are surprised by this and we'll find out soon. Looks like it will be read last and it won't take long. Mr. Silkwood is full of wonders. Mr. Bluefur focuses his attention on Mr. Hartfield.
"Mr. Hartfield you remind me of your great grandfather. He would be so proud of you. I leave you the last sum of money so you can keep on running Home for Heros for many years to come. I don't want any veterans homeless and you keep on do good deeds." Mr. Snowdew said
Mr. Hartfield smiles and he has been doing a lot of good. Now it's nice knowing he can keep on doing it. No veteran should be homeless and they should always get the help they need. They made a lot of sacrifices so we can be safe and free. They deserve all the help the new. Well, no mammals should be homeless. Mr. Snowdew turns back to us.
"Foresters I see such love from you and I saw your dreams of becoming foster parents. Such dreams and passion shouldn't be slowed down. So will make that dream faster I have given you a wonderful house for you Meadowfields. A place of beauty for art and photography. A place of nature for your gardens Mrs. Forester. A place to raise a blended beauty family."
Nick and I can't believe what we just heard Mr. Silkwood got us a house. I can't believe fate has given us that. I didn't realize that Mr. Silkwood was that rich. He must have been great with money to get so many riches.
"I knew had money but I didn't realize he had that much," Nick said
It makes sense to me for Nick spent more time with Mr. Silkwood. So he would have picked up on something like that. I wonder if I could have done that. Mr. Snowdew shows us the house he brought us. Nick and I look at the photographs of the house. We realized that our house is the same one we looked at when we were looking at Christmas lights. It truly is a beautiful house and perfect for us. There's a greenhouse in the backyard and perfect for gardening.
"This is so amazing," I say
Hearing the door open up and I wonder who that could be. There wasn't should be anyone else coming. It's rude to interrupt a meeting. Turning to see it's Tundra wolves and they are not pleased. I can see hate in their eyes and this must be his bigoted family. Or at least some of them. They're so rude and so hateful.
"Get out now," Mr. Snowdew said
At least he's on our side and it's always nice to have that. I hold my paws together and Nick doesn't look down at them. They stand tall and away from us like we have the plague. Holding my paws tightly.
"The house belongs to us these tricksters brainwashed our dear father."
How dare they say something like that. They didn't love their father they just love the money they can earn by selling the house. So greedy so bigotry so horrible. Looking at them or one of them closely. Realizing I have seen them before.
"You the one that didn't want photographs from me because I'm a vixen." I say "Did you ever get your photographs from Ms. Wulf? I would have given them ASAP all you had to do was deal with me for a few minutes."
Knowing they wouldn't for she would have focused on girl's photography. For that's who she was unnaturally attracted to. To her young gentlemammals got the short end of the stick. From the looks on their faces, I can tell they're pissed and that's great to see. Oh, when bigots are angry at those they hate.
"There was no brainwashing he did out of his free will." Mr. Snowdew said, "He wanted to good."
"He wasn't all there our dear father didn't know what he was doing."
It's annoying that they keep at with their bigotry. What's wrong with their minds to do that? They fake their empathy with dear father. It's so easy to tell and hear. They're crazy to think they can get away with it. Clutching my paws together and the feeling returns.
"We all know that you're faking with the bullcrap with dear father. A loving kit would never throw out a loving dad. They would stand by his side fighting for good. You just want his money you haven't loved him for years. Bigots don't belong here you're not wanted."
Nick holds my paws and I do feel better when he does that. Those I still feel that anger and resentment. I have been feeling that around bigots. We see their looks and they hate how they have been called out.
"For the final time get out or I will call the cops."
Knowing they don't want that so they leave without another word. If they try anything we have Meria would help us out. Hopefully, nothing more comes of that for we already have been dealing with a lot. With that out of the way, we can bet back to the will business.
It still thrills us that we have a house now and nothing will get in our way. It will be nice to have a home and we going to do it. Now we can foster more kits and that excites us. We'll move in something in August. Hopefully, it's not too hot that day. It won't take long for we don't have a lot of stuff to pack. Our loved ones enjoyed hearing the news and can't wait for us to move in. Grandmother Forester knew and that explains why she was happy. Now we can give more kits caring and love when they need it most. It will be nice to have a home to own. We never thought it would happen so fast.
Nick and Casey are having a guy night and Soren and I have nights like that. Always having fun with nights like that. Some personal time doesn't harm and is good for the soul. There's nothing wrong with a bit of alone time for we all need that or we'll going to break. Nick and I have given that to each other. Knowing that will keep our relationship strong and we talk when needed. It's a warm evening and it's a nice break from the humidity. Walking downtown area of Zootopia and knowing where to go. Just taking my time to get there for that's what I feel like doing. That makes me feel calm and walking around does help as well. The fresh air always calms me down. What happened to me is on the back of their minds which I'm glad for. I don't want to be put in the spotlight. Hating feeling like that for it feels so strange. In another life, I would like it.
After a few minutes, I find myself in front of White Star Clinic and I haven't been to this clinic before. Of course, there was no need before. I have walked past many times without taking a second thought. Knowing that I didn't have to visit but knew those who worked inside helped others a lot. The clinic is small but still works well to help others. Standing near the front doors for a few moments before heading inside. Seeing that nicely decorated and has a warm feel to it. The walls are painted in a warm purple and have plants to make the place lively. There are lovely pictures to cheer you up, Heading over to the front desk and maned wolf is working there.
"What's your name?"
"Katheryn Forester," I say
"Being early is good and you're listed. Go to room Sapprine once it's your time."
"Will do," I say
Being late is off-putting for me so I try not to be late. Sometimes it can't be helped for life gets in the way. I have a hard to managing when it happens but I can in the end. Taking a seat for a still have time. There are magazines to read and a bookshelf with books. A nice TV that's currently off. I take out my flower book which I have read a million times but it's calming to read. It's old but I have taken care of it well. Reading about flowers always calms my nerves and other books do that too. Reading is relaxing for you can be taken to different worlds. I do love nature, art, and fantasy worlds. Magic is my favorite thing about fantasy worlds. I would love to have magic so I would be a mage. Nick would be the charismatic gentlemammal or so he says. He would make a fantastic archer. Ienzo would be a mage that deals with illusion and dark magic. Finnick would be a rogue with surprising strength. Maya of course an archer with the best aim.
A few minutes later which seems like a lifetime knowing its time. Placing my book back in my messenger bag and head off to the Sapphire room. Seeing that all the rooms are named after gems. I find gems and crystals interesting but they were never a main focus of mine. Looking at the door and see a psychiatrist in training and most would pick those who have years of training. As for me, I find it easier to take something around my age. Even more so with the same interests. Looking at not permanent name sign.
"Catherynne Reed," I say
I just love seeing the name Catherine for it can be spelled differently. The way her parent gave her name is beautiful. I'm right on time so I open up the door and head inside. Seeing that Catherynne is an Amami rabbit. Same age as Judy and they're friends for I see a photograph of them. So she's from Bunnyburrow and I'm surprised she's here for most rabbits and hares deal with farming, flowers, and trees. She's the same height as Judy and has a slender built. Her fur is the color of shadow. A light shade of well shade of black. Her ears are shorter and she has hazel eyes. Wearing teal glasses and I still would pick wearing glasses for they can be so pretty. Catherynne wearing a nice light blue mandala shirt and black dress pants. Looks like she loves necklaces for she's wearing one with different charms. A beautiful key, rose charm, book charm, teal gem charm, moon charm, and pocket watch charm. Knowing those are things that she loves and I love the necklace that Soren brought me. Just like I do with my floral crowns.
In the office, she currently has sapphirine paint. On the walls are paintings and messages that are positive. There are flowers to release stress like the pretty jasmines, lavender, and chamomile. Seeing that they're well-taken care of so she has a green thumb. That would make sense for she would learn how to farm and garden at a young age. I wonder what made her want to be a psychiatrist. Having a reddish wood desk with photographs. Looks like she has four sisters and five brothers so ten in all. That's a small family for rabbits. Having a lot of pencils and I do mean a lot. There are two small boxes full of pencils. Some are plain old yellow and others have designs. Also has a small box of colorful pens. I have a few pencils and pens liking flower design pencils. There's a ton of books here and she loves reading another thing we have in common.
"Hello, my name is Katheryn Forester," I say
"A fellow Catherine and it's a pleasure to meet you," Catherynne said, "Have a seat."
The chair in front of her desk is a nice comfortable chair. It's also in a shade of blue and I take a seat. Seeing that she has a nice computer to work with. Makes sense that they would keep updated with the latest computers and laptops. Seeing that Catherynne is left-pawed like me and another thing that we have in common. Talking to her won't be that difficult. I still feel a little nervous and knowing that's natural. I take a seat and it's cozy.
"Thank you and I feel the same way," I say
"First tell me about yourself, Mrs. Forester," Catherynne said
"I'm Katheryn Ali Forester, happily married to the love of my life Nick and Autistic. I'm a photographer and business owner. I'm an older sister and auntie. I have a loving grandmother and parent in-laws. I don't have loving parents. I have many friends. I love helping others. I'm a happy and proud foster mother. I love nature and photography. I love wearing floral crowns and hate wearing pink. My favorite books to read are fiction, nature, fantasy, and mystery. My favorite color is yellow. My favorite camera is a polaroid camera. I can't decide my favorite flower for there are so many. I love to swim and archery. I love Disney and I have traveled the world. I love classical music and the violin is my favorite. I wish that I could play music. I love art even when I don't have artistic talent myself my talent is photography. I love to dance and ballet is my favorite. I'm kind and a hard worker." I say "I'm I saying too much?"
"Not at all and I like when they talk about themselves. It makes it easier to help them out." Catherynne said "Slow and steady wins to the race. Let's start with your parents you said they don't love you. How has that affected you?"
I can talk a lot when I want to and making sure I get to every point about myself. For I want them to know about me. I can talk about a lot of certain stuff about myself and have gotten annoyed looks. When I was younger I didn't understand that so I kept on going until they told me to shut up. It wasn't in a nice way so that got me to stop talking.
"It hurt a lot when I realized that they could never care about me or could never love me. They don't like that I'm autistic. Growing up they tried to make me live in a group home. That's how they saw me a stupid vixen who could never take care of herself. They crushed my dreams like being a ballerina due to being autistic. They also hate my younger sister Kaia for being gay."
"Those types of parents and luckily for me I have a loving and accepting family." Catherynne said, "I'm glad you have parents that care and love you. Are you the first one in your family to have autism?"
"No, it runs both sides of my family," I say "The...my parents grew up knowing about autism. Grandmother Forster taught my mother that. I don't know why they don't."
"Autism runs on my mother's side of the family. They learned and grew as we found out more." Catherynne said, "Our minds can be interesting and that's why I love it. Wanting to find out all that I can and help others because of our minds. Something in their minds makes them ableist and homophobia."
It's good that they know it's genetic and doesn't come from vaccines. How do mammals believe that and it must be how their minds work as Catherynne brings up. I wonder how the Icenhowler's minds work and why they think the way they do. So she wanted to follow her dream and I hope her dream comes true. You should always try to follow your dreams. Some will have good dreams while others have bad or in between. That's how life works there's good there's evil light and darkness. There's netural and dusk or dawn.
"That makes sense," I say "I didn't see that they didn't care or loved me when I was growing up. I thought they were just like normal parents. I stood by their side even when they had a thorny grip on me. Trying to control me they didn't want me to play with dolls."
Talking about this to someone else who is trained to help others is nice. I would like to find out professional thoughts on this. That will be very helpful. Never would have done it in the past. My shyness would have gotten away and also many wouldn't take a vixen to be their patient. Or they would charge too much.
"Many are in the same boat," Catherynne said, "have your parents hurt you anyway? Their teachings made your life different."
"Many do have unloving parents." I say "Never physical but mentally and emotionally. They found ways to hurt my life. I was afraid of fireworks when I was little for I hated loud noises. They made me think I couldn't be a ballerina. I didn't let them take away photography. Made me afraid of wandering off and talking to strangers when I was younger. They told me violence was never the answer and they firmly told me that. Them saying that has stuck to me and I find myself unable to defend myself. For their voices told me it's wrong."
I'm not alone in that matter but I do feel alone. I haven't reached out due to being shy and a vixen. The Icenhowler's has messed me up and in some cases left scars. Mental and emotional pain can hurt a lot more than physical. The pain goes away but the mental and emotional scars remain. I have those scars thanks to them. Scars that may fade away with time but they'll remain. I will try to not let our kits have the same scars.
"So they set out to hurt you without placing the blame on them," Catherynne said, "It would be blamed on autism."
"Yes, that's what they had in mind." I say "I can be distracted by things I like. It drove them crazy."
They wanted the blame on everything else but themselves. They're selfish when it comes to that. When I was younger I didn't see how they truly felt but now I do.
"They took the time to never understand," Catherynne said "So what keeps you calm?"
"Doing my camera motion and thinking of precious thoughts and memories."
"I like to pace around, read, write, and touch my necklace." Catherynne said, "Do you hurt yourself when overwhelmed?"
It's nice to know what other autistics stims are to keep calm. Makes me not feel so alone and shows we're all different. Only fools think we're all the same and the Icenhowler's are the fools. Looking over at Catherynne and see no judgment. Someone in her career shouldn't judge or they're bad at it.
"I call myself stupid when I'm frustrated and use my plasm to hit my forehead." I say "Also recently I grip my paws tightly when I'm angry."
"As for me, I scratch on the back of my neck and I let sigh when I'm mad," Catherynne said, "Would you seek out your parent's care and love?"
"My mother tried but I didn't accept when I saw the truth. I cut myself free from their thorny vines." I say "But a part of me still want my parents to care and love."
How could I still feel like that? A small of me still would jump at chance now that Catherynne brought it up. How could want their thorny vines wrapped around me hurting me again? How could I want that? I have parents' love I don't need theirs. Blood doesn't define what a family is.
"What you feel is natural many seek out their parent's affection when there's none. Wanting to know that feeling they never got." Catherynne said
Catherynne does speak the truth and knows what she's talking about. What she says makes sense we do seek out what we want. To have what we couldn't have. Many would do anything to seek what they could never have. I couldn't have too good of heart.
"I long for them to care and love me but I never see that. No love from each life I live." I say
"So you believe in different lives?" Catherynne asked
"Yes, I do in life I'm a ballerina another a florist." I say "Either I end up with Nick or Ienzo. I see my lives in the stars. Each star is a different life of mine. I'm mostly the same. Together my parents can never care or love me. Alone they could but never together."
I do believe in different lives and I'm glad that I do. It makes thinking about life more fun. I have thought about many lives. It's always Nick or Ienzo I end up with there's not another gentlemammal who enters my life. I only love one at a time for that's how I view love. If others are accepting of open love then they're free to do so. Even when I believe you can love one mammal at a time. When that passe or they pass that love remains inside your heart forever.
"You're very creative and I love that mindset," Catherynne said, "I believe we're not alone in the universe. So why do you believe they can never love you together?"
"Thank you, and I'm sure you are as well. I do love being creative. It's silly to think we're all alone." I say "I guess it's because they blossom together. With all their flaws they do love each other. As a single blossom, they're capable of care and love."
I do believe as single parents they're capable of caring and loving us. Kaia and I for it's just the two of us. Rather I'm the older sister or younger. We're close in our lives and rarely hate each other. Knowing hate between siblings hates and I hate imagining hate between us. At least lives like that are rare. So many thoughts about it are in the back of my mind.
"How you seek your parents being able to care and love you is why you seek out their affections." Catherynne said, "That part of you knows longs that affection that they will never find."
"That makes sense," I say "I do get jealous of adult daughters and mothers I know. Longing to have their care and love."
"Jealous while a bad feeling still a natural feeling we all have. We all must give in to our jealously." Catherynne said, "Jealousy is the main motive for a crime."
Yes, that makes a lot of sense for being jealous can make you do bad things if you let it. I have watched crimes committed due to jealousy. In this life, I wouldn't act on my jealous feelings but in another life, I would. It makes sense that I would be a criminal in some lives. Like Nick would be a con artist and we would be partners in crime. That would be an interesting life to have. I haven't put much thought into why we became criminals. For that's a life I don't see us committing. Looking back at Catherynne and talking to her has been going well. Knowing that she can help me out with how I'm feeling. Talking to others who know what they're doing does wonders.
Author note another story finished and only two more to go. I hope you enjoyed reading this and I enjoyed writing this. Mr. Silkwood was always going to die. He set the motion of them getting a house. In the main story, they'll be middle class after hard work. Catherynne Reeds is also based on me. Those for I would be an arctic vixen. She used to have Aspergers but that term no longer exists. So Catherynne is on the higher end of autism. I like helping people so a psychiatrist is something I could imagine becoming. There's no shame in getting help. If you need it to seek out mental health as important as your health. Never be ashamed of getting help for well all need it when the time comes. So until next time readers.