Guilt is not something that is so easy to ignore.
Restlessness creeps up Naruto's spine like a centipede, an uncomfortable, tickiling feeling. His whole body is sore- no, that's an understatement, his whole body is burning, the phantom pains of fire licking around his body making him want to scratch at his skin relentlessly until it's raw, until it bleeds out profusely. More phantom feelings of being trapped, not being able to breath or move, everything closing in on him, unable to do anything-
A strong hand grips his shoulder, bringing his consciousness back to reality. He mentally slaps himself for not realising someone was there because if it was an enemy-
"Naruto, your thoughts are so loud they're going to give me a headache. " A voice, rough with shouting, says, not unkindly. Naruto lifts his eyes up from where he was previously burning a hole into the ground, and he all but crumbles when he sees the person.
"I can't-" his voice breaks. For god sake, he's Naruto Uzumaki. The optimist of team 7, the unpredictable knuckle head. He has a nindo, one that he has kept up for years- until now- and a determination that rivals.. anyones.
Sakura's lips turn into a thin line, and she crouches down, so that she's level with his seating position, her eyes piercing straight into his.
"You can't what? You can't live? You can't fight? You can't believe?" Her voice is sturdy and still not unkind even though Naruto's actingsoungratefulandpathetic- "You can't or you wont? Is what Shikamaru would say, as ironic as it sounds. It's what your father would say, what Ino would say and it's what I do say. "
Her hair is cropped even shorter than before, now a 'boyish' hairstyle after all the times the ends kept getting coated in blood, her role as a medic- nin not faltering even as she fights on the front lines. Sakura is formidable, stalwart and he would say bordering unstoppable, but recent events allow his previously-optimistic-turned-pessimistic brain to name only two certain individuals unstoppable. Neither of them are comrades.
"I can't watch anymore, Sakura. I can't watch everyone die painfully and slowly. Hinata-" Sakura cuts him off. "Hinata and the rest of team 8 died on their own terms, Naruto. They accepted that their mission was a suicide mission. I know you and Hinata got close.. me and Hinata were also close, but... we have to accept that she's gone."
"But it still hurts-" "Accepting someones death never means 'Don't hurt'. Mourn her, Naruto. Accept that she's gone. It doesn't mean you should hurt any less, or wish any less that she's alive. If you dont Mourn her, along with Kiba and Shino, their deaths will cloud your judgement. We need you to have a clear, smart and rational mind right now. I Iove you Naruto, and I wish I could coddle you, hug you endlessly and wish the world doesn't exist, that's it's just us two, but right now.. I need fierce, powerful and unpredictable Naruto."
Kozima and Sakura's relationship is platonic. It was platonic, and Naru- Kozima loves- loved- loves her with a firey amataratsu that cannot be extinguished.
"I'm sorry, Lord Naruto, but Sakura and Lord Hokage have not returned. They are untrackable, and are now registered as lamanted." Oh, how he despises the word.
Lamanted.
Tch.
He hadn't even seen an exanimate body. Bodies. They had just registered them as dead. 'Lamanted.'
His heart strings are pulled hard whenever he stares at Sakura and even if on the outside he's cool, composed and quiet, on the inside he feels like how Kurama's chakra felt like when fighting Haku.
Hateful, Desperate, Sorrowful.
Kozima doesn't even know if he can call this small, unknowing, innocent Genin Sakura. It doesn't feel right on his tongue, it doesn't feel right to call someone who is an obnoxious fangirl, with dainty, unscathed hands Sakura. Because to him, the name Sakura doesn't just mean Cherry Blossom. It means fricking determination the sheer size of the five Nations, an unyielding resolve and it means the kindest, most powerful Kunoichi he has set eyes on.
(Kaguya's strong. Powerful, one of the ones that can be labled as unstoppable by Naruto, but he will always see Sakura as the Kunoichi right at the top of the scale.)
Kozima should have expected this. He shouldn't have held onto the stupid motherfu- damned thought that his problems would come up one by one, and he'd be able to deal with them, one by one. His problems have a tendency to appear at the same time, cluster, and make more problems.
It pisses him off.
He has three Anbu watching him. They're all different to the ones that were watching him prior, and he actually recognises one of the Anbu, unlike the others who were unidentifiable.
Uzuki Yugao, he mostly only knows her through everything that Sakura's told him about her, though he met her once or twice. She's an Anbu Captain, personally chosen by Kakashi to take his mantle, and was chosen to be Anbu because of her proficiency of Kenjutsu and sensory. Her Kenjutsu trainer and lover - Hayate- had died at the hands of Baki before the end of the Chunin exams, and she had to fight a reanimated version of him.
The other two he doesn't recognize personally, but he immediately knows what they are.
Kozima can sense more than just Chakra (Without his sage mode, that is). He senses emotions too.
He hears when the third Anbu joins- only because of the hearing he got from Kurama, not even the stealthiest of Ninja can hide from his ears- feet lightly landing on a tree branch an hour later than the other two. He hides his urge to tense, faking nonchalance while staring at a seal on his scroll.
Few ninja can hide their presence from him (not included at.. certain times before) and it's damn near impossible to hide something like...
He immediately senses the suppressed emotions, the trained Chakra and seal on their tongue. Of course.
Root.
"You're sure?" Jiraiya asks, for the frustration of Kozima and the umpteenth time. "I don't know if you mean about the root agent following me or if my bedroom is private. Im sure on both things. I can sense the root, and anything that the black ops Anbu and root can see is just me on my bed, looking through seals." Kozima mutters, swiping his notebook that Jiraiya picked up with his grabby hands.
"You integrated genjutsu into fuuinjutsu. Intresting... " Jiraiya placed a finger on his chin in thought. "You must be good at genjutsu."
"Actually, I suck at it. It's the area that I'm worst in... Genjustu's don't work on me, and are usually very easy for me to break." Kozima quickly adds the last part once he sees Jiraiya's face go into 'thinking mode'. "So, don't try anything. I'll turn your hair pink."
It's not an empty threat. Kozima feels as if he would be very happy doing so.
His prankster side is showing. He forgot it existed.
"Jeez, got it Cherry."
The redhead bristles at the nickname. "What did you just call me-"
"Right, got it, you'll turn my hair pink. I won't call you that again, Spitfire." Jiraiya stares with so much seriousness that Kozima wants to slap him.
He hates nicknames. Even though he usually gives them to others. But he gives accurate nicknames. 'Second Great Stone Face Guy', 'Aloe Vera Bastard' and the pair of 'Bushy brows' and 'Bushier brows' are accurate. Oh and don't get him started on his accurate 'pervy sage' is. There's nothing accurate about 'Cherry' and 'spitfire'! His hair isn't even the shade of a cherry!
"I'll burn every single copy of Icha Icha that has ever been produced. Every. Last. One." He and Jiraiya stare at each other, their eyes battling. "You wouldn't dare." Jiraiya whispers, aghast.
"Try me, Grey locks." Kozima grins humourlessly.
"My hair is white! Not grey!" Jiraiya sqwacks with indignation.
"And Kashi- sensei's hair is silver. Jee, old men are super sensitive when it comes to their aged, grey hair."
"I am not ol-"
"Back to the original subject, grey locks, why in the hell is Danzo already after me? " Kozima plops himself down onto his bed (elegantly, thank you very much).
The Toad Sage ignores the nickname, his left eye giving a twitch. "Danzo's interested. There's someone new, someone he needs to get Intel on so that he knows whether to Kill, recruit or ignore." Jiraiya crosses his arms across his broad chest, his foot tapping the ground.
"I'm hoping that it will be the last, though I doubt it." His eyebrows rise. "Attempt to recruit me? He hasn't done that before." Kozima brings his legs up and folds them so he's in a comfortable cross-legged position. "I think there's a bigger picture."
"You're an Uzumaki, that much is not a secret, 'specially to Danzo. He thinks you might hold information or power that he can grasp onto." Jiraiya voices.
"Information. Fuuinjutsu information or maybe information about Uzushio. Well, I wouldn't know all of the things about Uzushio. I didn't even grow up there." Yes, Kozima grew up in Konoha, a village that now doesn't recognise him anymore. Oh, and isn't that painful to think about? Even if the thought has passed at least a few hundred times through his head already.
"Danzo doesn't know that." Jiraiya shrugs his shoulders. Kozima's bites the inside of his cheek. "Danzo's greedy. He has this.. " Kozima does some gestures with his hands, flexing his fingers up and down. Jiraiya just raises an eyebrow. ".. Fickle superiority complex and is thirsty for any power he can get his grubby hands on. That includes dojutsu's." All those eyes... all on his arm.
"You know more than I do, Carrot head." Jiraiya says and- "Yeah, no shit." Kozima responds off handedly, teeth gritting at the nickname.
Jiraiya narrows his eyes in annoyance. "Doesn't Sarutobi know about this?"
"If you mean Root by 'This' then, well, I don't think so. The Hokage found out a while ago and had ordered Danzo to take it down. I don't think he knows it's still up and running." The redhead doesn't trust Hiruzen to deal with Danzo. No way.
"Danzo's gone without paying for his crimes too often."
"We can't just tell him?-" "He won't do crap. He defends Danzo and will defend him. He won't encourage Danzo, he'll tell- well, order Danzo to take root down, but he won't enforce it. Danzo will be able to slip through his fingers once more."
There's a few moments of silence as both of their brains work. "Danzo may see you as a threat, as a dangerous enigma that shouldn't be in Konoha." Jiraiya changes the subject off Hiruzen, voice falling flat.
"Thaaaat would put me on his 'kill' list." Kozima deadpans, his hands busying themselves by fiddling with the long, Red braid that Kozima flipped over his shoulder.
"Or, torture list." Jiraiya supplies, and Kozima purses his lips. "Oh, yeah."
. . "I have no idea what I'm going to do. I mean, what if his lackies attack me? What if he convinces the elders to do stuff?" Kozima sighs, his shoulders slumping as the harsh sound is released. "I don't even know how to get rid- dispos-... Make sure he doesn't do any more... bad guy.. stuff..." Kozima says the last part carefully, eyes narrowed in concentration for what the next word would be. Because Politics. Kozima hates Politics.
"What happened originally?" Jiraiya asks and Kozima tenses up at the question. Jiraiya definitely notices, because a crease forms in between his eyebrows, and his lips twitch to the side. "Kozima, what happened?"
He contemplates telling for a second before deciding, 'He called me Kozima. I'm only telling him this because he called me Kozima.'
'... cherry. Tch. My hair isn't even close.'
"He dies, he's brutally slaughtered by my amazing lover." Kozima can't help but feel and sound slightly impassive. Danzo always gave off creepy vibes, and those vibes were definitely not lying.
"Slaughtered by.." Jiraiya coughs into his hand, an eyebrow rising. "Ah, so he's killed by a chick."
Kozima's stomach does a small flip- flop as his mind creates the imagine of Sasuke's incredulous expression (that was well hid, he would also say) at being called a chick.
"A- a chick I-" his eyes crinkle and he doesn't let out any laughter, but he might as well had, mirth clouding his eyes. The note of levity that was just added didn't go unwelcomed.
"Sure, Pervy- Sage. A chick killed him."
Jiraiya still has no idea why Kozima had thought it was so amusing, and why he looked so nostalgic.
"Do you have someone who's replacing you, Kakashi?" Genma asks, his senbon rolling in between his teeth. Kakashi pushes down the irritation of being asked that at least a few hundred times- ("i told you a million times not exaggerate, Bakashi." "You just exaggerated." "No I did not-!") -and forms an eye smile towards Genma's direction.
"It's just a newbie to Konoha. I'm watching him for the time being."
"And is he being a sensei?"
"What-"
"Is he, y'know. Doing a better job than you at training them." Kakashi keeps his eyes trained on his orange book held out open in front of him, not wanting to meet Genma's irritating expression. "We're not doing any 'training' that your thinking of. We're just doing D-ranks, especially ones that require teaming for.
"A little bird told me that this 'newbie' is helping out alot." Genna snarks, and Kakashi can- unfortunately- see the provoking expression from the corner of his right eye.
"He's just been helping out with the team dynamic, as well as stopping a few choas tornadoes from erupting. I dont know why Lord Sandaime put those three together on a team, and me as their Sensei."
"Isn't it your job to do that? Stop the metaphorical chaos tornadoes, of course. " Comes a voice from Kakashi's right and he turns his head to face them. "..The tornado isn't as metaphorical as you think. also, you can't say much yourself, Asuma. The Ino-Shika-Cho is supposed to have a much stronger bond, neigh?"
Asuma doesn't even attempt to defend both his Genin and himself, because it's painfully obvious. "The 'newbie' you say, is causing your team to not explode?" Asuma asks, looking intruiged.
".. Surprisingly, yes."
"I need him. " Asuma immediately decides, and Kakashi can hear Genma's muffled snicker.
"I'm supposed to be watching him." Kakashi points out. "It seems like you don't want to let go if him, Kakashi. Did you make a friend?" Genma asks teasingly.
"No-"
"Don't worry, Kakashi. Your friend will be safe with me. I can take over your watch and over see him... for whatever reason he needs to be over seen. I'm rather good at protecting." Asuma juts in and.. Kakashi raises an eyebrow. Protect? Asuma clearly doesn't know who he's dealing with.
But then again... "Okay. Fine. But you have to talk to Lord Hokage about this."
"Perfect. We have a meeting in the Hokage office in.. ten minutes."
Hiruzen all but raises an eyebrow at Kozima, who sits cross legged on a chair against the wall in his office. He has all but changed into a completely different outfit. An... un- shinobi outfit.
He looks very Civillian like- the more outsanding than others Civillian like- with his hair in a ponytail, arms covered completely in his white, trimmed with purple Hakama shirt that sits over a grey mesh shirt, a dark navy Obi tied around his waist and under it, black baggy pleated trousers that look like a long Kimono when legs together. A fan is tucked into the Obi, a plain white one.
Hiruzen isn't fooled. His outfit looks impractical- perfect for deception. After a few minutes he realises that the fan isnt an ordinary fan- rather, it's a fan that is used by Fuuton user ninja's. Kozima's feet are barely visible, but when he catches a glimpse of them, he sees that they're the same as what he usually wears: black, open toed shinobi sandals that reach just above his ankle.
Hiruzen is impressed and not surprised when Kozima says, "I'm sure you know what I want from you Lord Hokage. Keep my status as a ninja hidden."
Hiruzen agrees to go along with the condition. He too, wants to see it play out.
Kozima has prepared himself, both physically and mentally. He's hoping that there will only be Jonins he will recognise, and at the same time- he hopes for no Jonin that he recognises.
There's a certain Jonin he definitely does not want present. He's not too overly fond of the guy.
Speaking of Guy..
He bursts in, first to be present, Asuma and Kurenai right behind him. "I, IN ALL MY YOUTHFULNESS IN THE YOUTHFULL SPRING TIME THAT IS CURRENTLY IN THE YOUTHFUL KONOHA, AM HERE!" He announces his arrival, and Kozima winces. Ow. His poor, poor, sensitive ears. The super hearing can both be a blessing and a curse at times.
Asuma and Kurenai also wince, though they're clearly used to the outbursts. Kozima feels that his Anbu have stayed impassive. Wow. He'd do anything- well, not anything- to not have to wince at every loud sound.
"I swear, i'm going to go deaf one of these days." Kurenai mutters to Asuma. "I'm suprised it hasn't already happened. I feel bad for Kakashi."
Once the three Jonin enter the room, their eyes land on Kozima. Kozima's not stupid, (He's not, Sasuke.) so, being his unstupid self, he has untightened the seal. The seal that blocks- people- from- sensing- his- chakra to be exact. (He hasn't came up with a name for it yet) And so a very small anount of chakra is able to be sensed. Very small anount. Emphasis on the very. Civillian amount.
Gai grins a blinding smile at him, Asuma quirks an eyebrow and Kurenai looks vaguely intrested.
"ARE YOU THIS 'NEWBIE' THAT IS BEING TALKED ABOUT? WELL, 'NEWBIE', I AM MAITO GUY, GREEN BEAST OF KONOHA! " Kozima is unsure if it's just his scrambled up mentallity.. but he sees.. beach waves...?
Judging by the expressions on Asuma and Kurenai's face's, he's not the only one. He blinks once, before standing up and smiling slightly. "I'm Kozima, green beast." His quiet voice is such a large contrast to Gai's exuberant and deafly loud tone. Kurenai thinks that he may be another Hinata.
Asuma opens his mouth and at the exact time- "Shikaku and Inoichi. You're here." Sarutobi's voice rings clear; Shikaku eyes Kozima while responding.
He immediately sees what's going on. The glint in both the Sandaime and Kozima's eyes scream. 'Don't tell anyone.'
Well, Hiruzen's say that, Kozima's say something more on the lines of, 'I'll slit your fucking throat if you utter a single word.'
Damn, Kozima really is full of surprises and secrets. And Shikaku will be the one to unravel them.
".. Where's Kakashi?" The Hokage asks with an unimpressed tone, bringing his pipe to his lips a second after. "We cannot wait for him for another three hours." Inoichi states, quite obviously.
"I'll get him." Kozima tugs on a red bang with a slightly irritated expression. Asuma's eyebrows ascend on his forehead.
"Please do."
Kozima smiles tightly, before striding out the office door. Asuma hears Kurenai mutter a small "wuh oh.."
The only people left present are The Hokage, Inoichi, Shikaku and the three Jonins: Gai, Kurenai and Asuma.
"We're having this meeting because of that exact man." Hiruzen starts. "Information on him has been asked to be classified to all but Kakashi, me, Inoichi and Shikaku."
'Where is this going?' Asuma can't help but think, because if his information is classified (Why does Kakashi even get to know) they wouldn't be having a meeting about him. Without him, too, now that he's gone to probably drag Kakashi to the Hokage tower.
"We're allowing him to stay in Konoha, as a civilian." For now. "He's currently being watched by Kakashi, but he will be watched by others, if team 7 goes on any missions above D-rank." Hiruzen continues.
"I've heard that he kept Kakashi's gremlins in line." Asuma says. (not quips- he's in a meeting with the Sandaime.)
"Kozima" Oh, so his name is Kozima. "has offered to be of service as repayment." Inoichi States. "We have had eyes and ears reporting back to us on how he is."
"He's been helpful." Shikaku continues. "To Kakashi, that is. He's interesting I must admit- and smart."
'That's an A-rank compliment coming from one of the smartest guys ever.' Kurenai muses and then says aloud, "I'd like assistance with my team... I feel as if they need to learn to work together better."
Asuma raises his hand. "Seconded. The Ino-Shika-Cho Genin really need some working on." Shikaku and Inoichi exchange glances.
"Well.. I guess that can be arranged. You have my permission. Just, ask Kozima before hand." Hiruzen casts a glance to Gai.
"My team is certainly amazing and youthful, however Neji isn't embracing all of his youthfulness." Gai comments, luckily not hollering.Luckily.
"Be careful." Shikaku states. "Just, be careful. He's smarter than you think."
"He also beat Shikaku at Shogi." Inoichi's lips quirk up. "I imagine than your pressed about it."
'Beat Shikaku at Shogi?!' Asuma thinks disbelievingly. Damn.