Difficult Engagements
Chapter 31
Not Naruto.
Naruto POV
Looking around, I'm in the greenhouse with Gaara.
It's a lot more spacious than the one from the town we visited. Unlike that one that took advantage of each square inch, this one allows for more breathing room for each plant. It looks meticulously planned with each plant's need in mind, but also pays attention to the aesthetic of the room. This is more than just a utilitarian thing.
"This reminds me a lot of my dad's garden."
"I told you," Gaara says with a smile, "I learned a lot from him."
"Right…" I forgot.
"I always loved his Gardens. The way he would change it up every year for the Great Kitsune Celebration, was always something to look forward to." The redhead looks like he's reliving a lot of good memories.
"What?" We never did anything like that.
Realization hit him, "Oh right… umm.. Before Kyuubi's Fourth Expansion, Konoha used to host the end of season party. Your dad used to change it up every year, it was always really nice."
"We used to host parties?" that doesn't sound right.
"'Parties' is a bit of a stretch, but you guys used to host the most important party. The end of season party is where everyone would officially announce their pairings, and ask for blessings from the Great Kitsune. It was a lot of fun."
"You don't seem like the party type of guy." I have no idea why I say whatever pops into my head… I'm so glad the redhead doesn't seem to mind.
"I'm not, but that one wa-"
Before he can finish his thought, a strange man with cat ears sewn on his hood and purple face paint traps me in a hug, "Naruto! Welcome back!"
"Huh?" panic sets in.
Gaara just looks annoyed, the stranger must not be that big of a threat.
"I missed you - you fuckin' idiot! How have you been?" the stranger carries on, I must already know him.
I glance at Gaara, again, hoping he'll explain what's going on.
I think he gets the message, he folds his arms and says, "Kankuro, you're very loud."
"I bet you didn't miss that." The man I now know as Kankuro points to Gaara, "Too serious sometimes… Come on man, let me be excited, Naruto's back. It's been forever since I last saw this knucklehead."
Guilt hits my stomach like a ton of bricks. I'm not who he knows.
How do I tell him?
"Ummm… I've been good." I lied, before he could ask any more questions about me, I asked him one, "What about you, what have you been up to?"
It works, his eyes light up with the chance to talk about himself, "Oh man! So much. Did you know you could make a boat a puppet?"
"A puppet?"
"I know! I'm impressed, too. I thought sailing was going to be boring… but when I made that beauty, everything just clicked, ya know?"
"You made a puppet boat?" That sounds like the most ridiculous thing ever, this has to be a joke.
"It's a work of art, you have to see it!" He's practically bouncing up and down at this.
He sounds so excited, I guess it's not a joke, "I'd love to."
"Have some more excitement in your voice. I run a whole fleet of puppet boats. PUPPET BOATS!" the man's voice echoes throughout the greenhouse.
"I said I wanted to see them." was that not exciting enough.
"You will, you'll love them. Maybe I'm just not doing them justice. Once you see my work, you'll be so impressed. Trust me."
"Yeah, I'm sure they are really cool in person."
"Enough about me. What about you? I heard about the war in The Lightning Country… You must have been in the front lines. How was it?"
"I wasn't."
"What? You're always in the front lines." he paused, "Where did they utilize you?"
"They didn't. I was in the castle the whole time. I wasn't allowed to leave." I explained while distancing myself a bit.
The stranger makes a face as if that was the most absurd thing I've ever said, "And you listened to them?"
"I didn't have a choice."
He looks at me like I just grew two fucking heads.
"Uzumaki Naruto didn't have a ch-"
"Kankuro, we have a lot we need to discuss." my knight in shining armor finally comes to my defense.
"We can discuss business later." the man sounds so annoyed, "I just got back and the family is finally back together. Where's Tamari? Let's celebrate!"
Family? I finally got a clue of who he is, this is Gaara's brother. He looks so different from the photos. I mean, they were photos of a child, and this is an adult. I probably should have realized this sooner. Most people aren't this casual with the Kazekage.
"She's working." Gaara says.
"Tell her to stop." A quick retort comes from Kankuro.
"You tell her to stop."
"I don't have a death wish… and I'm not the Kazekage."
"You think I have a death wish?" Gaara makes it sound almost like a genuine question.
"I mean…" his brother gestures to me, "I've seen who you've been working with lately."
"It worked."
"Which is why we should celebrate!"
They squabble like proper siblings.
It's kinda nice.
I rest in the comfort of the noises that surround me. They keep going back and forth for a while. Kankuro doesn't seem that bad. He's probably the most animated out of all of the sand siblings, which isn't hard.
"I swear to god you two will be the death of me. Kankuro, can you enter a house without letting the whole world know? I was working, ya' know." Tamari grumbles out to the room.
"There she is! You work too hard." he sauntered over to his sister with arms up open for a hug.
"If I don't work, this all falls apart." she shoots him a glare.
"The world is not going to fall apart if you take a night off. Celebrate!"
"It's too soon to celebrate," she says.
"No it's not. I'm back. He's back." Kankuro gestures to me, "That's plenty of reasons to celebrate. Come on Naruto, join my side, we need to celebrate this."
I look over at Gaara, who seems to be mildly annoyed with all of this.
"Ummm… yeah. Let's celebrate!" I joined in.
"Don't encourage him." Tamari lectures.
"Oh it's because you know now that I have Naruto on my side, I'm going to be unstoppable. You're going to have to stop overworking yourself." the man in the purple face paint smirks in victory.
"It's not time to celebrate. We still have so much to do. We can celebrate when we've won." She continued her lecture.
I was just brought back to the shocking reality that these people want to have a war with Kyuubi. With Konoha. With my people. They had troops on our land… and I was well within their territory.
I don't want to think about this, "Kankuro is right. He's returned and we're all together, that's something to celebrate."
"That's my good buddy. It's three against one Tamari, you've lost." he grins wildly.
"Three against one?" I asked my question out loud.
"I know you only have two brain cells to rub together, but it's simple math. Me, you, and Gaara. That's three, and three is a bigger number than one." he counts each one of our names on his fingers as if I'm a child.
"Gaara didn't say he wanted to celebrate." I say.
They all just look at me.
I feel like I'm in a fucking fishbowl again. Their eyes prodding against the glass of the tank tapping loudly. Each one interrogates me to see my every flaw. What did I do wrong?
"What?" I'm annoyed.
"Ya' hit your head or something?" Kankuro said.
"Naruto has memory loss." Gaara said flatly.
"What? Don't fuckin' joke with me like that."
"It's not a joke." Gaara responds.
"You should have sent a memo."
"You wouldn't have read it." Tamari says.
"Yeah, but it's still nice to be in the loop." He agrees with his sister.
"He didn't loop me until they got here, either."
"Getting Naruto back to Suna was my major concern." Gaara explained.
She won't let him get away with it, "You spent 3 days locked in a heat hotel with him and killed an entire den of root agents. You could have sent a letter."
"I did."
"You had someone else request troops and Chiyo. I thought you were in danger." She really does sound like she was worried.
"That's on you."
"That's on you not communicating."
"I was busy."
"Busy fucking Naruto doesnt count as an excuse, when you could stop it to take out the den!"
They keep talking over each other until I can't really tell who said what.
They all forgot, "I'm right here."
I don't want to celebrate any more.
But here I am.
Taking another sip.
It's not a huge celebration, it's just the four of us with a bottle of booze and good food. It's their version of a compromise. All Kankuro really wanted was some quality time with his family, which isn't the worst thing.
"So boats are just controlled by a bunch of ropes and moving pieces, which just makes them big puppets anyways. All I had to do was infuse my chakra into them, and boom! I can control an entire fleet on my own." Kankuro is so impressed with his own words, he doesn't care if I am as well.
It is interesting that all of the people from The Wind are basically made to be one man armys. Because of limited resources, everyone had to make due with what they had. Stretching everything they possibly could to its maximum potential. That included soldiers.
It's why puppetry was so popular here. Why send out a group of 5 men when you can send out one guy and 4 puppets? Or even more. A small well trained group of Wind Soldiers were known to take out entire armies on their own. They really had to make due for so many years not being able to do much out here because of old leadership.
From what I've learned, Gaara is ushering them into an Era of Abundance.
"I really am my brother's ace in the hole you know!" Kakuro applauds himself.
"You sound like you're very important." I take another sip.
"I am…" he shoots over to his sister, "I don't like this new Naruto."
"I know he's ver-"
I interrupted, "I'm right here, assholes."
"Naruto's still a person, he just has memory issues." Gaara becomes my back up again, before,"You get used to it."
Oh, right, I'm just something to get used to. Something to tolerate while they work on bringing the real me back. Nothing but a placeholder at best. I take another sip.
"... So, what kinda stuff do you do, Tamari?" I haven't gotten to talk to her much, she really does work a lot.
"Everything these fuck-ups are too dumb to do." she says bluntly.
"Hey!" Kankuro yells.
The Kazekage just shrugs, "She's not wrong."
"About you maybe, but me, my success rate is impeccable." The cat man defends himself.
"What abo-"
The beta interrupts, "We don't talk about that."
"Just like we don't talk about all your other failures?" she jokes, before taking a huge gulp of her drink. "You forget I see all the reports."
I turned to Gaara and ask him directly, "How do you 'fuck up?'"
"Oh, I'm still getting a hang of negotiations." the Alpha pauses, "Apparently I'm 'too forward' with my intentions."
"I could see that." just nodding along.
His siblings laugh, like, really fucking laugh. The whole room is filled with laughter now. It's awkward, but in a comforting way. Like, I'm not being judged, I'm being accepted. They are laughing at me, but it's not bad.
"I don't want to hear how forward you two are." Tamari says, with a grin that finally made it on her face. It just took a lot of alcohol and one good laugh to put it there. "It was bad enough when only one of you was."
"Oi, remember when Naruto took Gaara from one of dad's meetings?" Kankuro shouts as if thinking of the best thing for this situation.
Gaara speaks up, "It wasn't that bad."
"'Cause you didn't have to deal with the consequences of it." He huffs out.
"Yeah, dad was so pissed. He almost ended the meeting as soon as you left. If it wasn't for the advisors he probably would have started shit with Kyuubi back then. Said it was - "
Kankuro finishes for her in a joking voice that I assume is to mimic their father, "'Incredibly disrespectful to someone of his position.' and that Naruto wa-"
Tamari this time, same mimicking tone "'learning all the wrong things from both of his fathers. A respectful Omega doesn't act like that.' He was such a fucking dick."
"I mean he wasn't wrong," his brother says shrugging, "that time."
"You think I'm disrespectful Omega?" I asked the Beta.
A pure look of terror flashed on the Beta's face.
"I'm sorry, man… not about that. I was just saying, probably not the best move to walk into another land's Kage Private Meeting… is all." he waves his hands in the air as an act of defense while awkwardly tries to back peddle his words. "Nothing about you being an- you know, promise."
None of the sand siblings seem to want to acknowledge my secondary gender that much. It's weird. I don't mind it, everyone else likes to focus way too much on it… Kankuro's thing just felt like overkill.
"I'm just surprised a Beta who plays with puppets would know anything about Omega's…" I try to play it cool.
"Hey! Puppets are cool."
"To you." I laugh, "You ever think that's why you don't get any?"
"I've been busy…" he scoffs.
"Playing with puppets?"
"Ye-"
"Boys." Tamari says sternly, "It's like you guys are 10 again."
"Sorry, mom." I joke, before taking another sip.
"You say that like I won't drag you by your ear to your room." A little too confident.
Realization, "You probably would…"
"Heh. Probably?" Kankuro steps in again.
"You know, if you two werent the most annoying people ever, I would say I missed this." she jokes around with us again. She likes to play cool, but she cares about her family.
"Oi, you missed this!"
"I don't miss the headaches."
"If we weren't giving you problems, you'd have nothing to do." the cat man pauses, before taunting, "You love us."
"I tolerate you."
"Eh, probably the best I'll ever get." he smirks, "I'll take it."
With them distracted, I finally bite the bullet and ask Gaara the question that's been on my mind for a while, "Are you guys really going to start a war with Konoha?"
It becomes pindrop silent for a second. I shouldn't have asked that, especially not now. Both Kankuro and Tamari look at me, then Gaara as if waiting for his response… I mean, he is the Kazekage.
"I'm hoping it doesn't come to that." Gaara says almost too calmly.
"Then why are you doing all this?" I want to shrink down into nothing.
"I am doing a lot to prevent a real war from breaking out. I can show you the whole plan later… but it comes down to, kill Kyuubi, I'm going to have to rethink how I'm going to do that. Once it's done, you'd be by my side, it can peacefully transition power without the need for a whole war. I can't promise there won't be any casualties, but I'm trying my best to reduce them."
"Why go through all of that in the first place? You said you did this all for me, but you have me here." This all can't be for me, I'm not worth this… No one is.
"I learned a long time ago, Kyuubi won't let me keep you."
I try to ignore how gross of a comment that is to ask, "Okay, gross, but what?"
"Every time I got close to you in the past, he would try to do something to tear us apart. If I played his game, and knew my place, he'd let you be in my life for a bit… but the second one of us stepped out of line, he'd find a way to tear us apart for a while… until he did it for 5 years."
"Oh…" That sounds like my father. Kyuubi torchered Gaara, too, and he used me to do it. Is the seal on me for my punishment or his?
I notice his siblings have remained this certain level of quiet again. They didn't really move, there wasn't even scraping of utensils on plates. No glasses rising and falling. Just stillness. As if one wrong move would happen and the world would end. It's just like I'm back at home with Kyuubi.
I don't want to be here any more knowing I just ruined the whole mood of the party. All over a stupid question. I shouldn't have asked that… I knew it wasn't going to get me anywhere. It's not like I have a choice in what happens in my life. I shouldn't even care who's directing it.
Gaara stands up, and motions to me, "Come on, I want to take you somewhere."
The redhead pulls me along some unfamiliar hallways. I thought my house could be confusing, but this is a whole other level of a labyrinth. I stumble up some stairs with him, it almost feels like I'm going to fall. I know I'm not… well I might, but I know Gaara would catch me if I did.
Finally a door opens, and it looks like it leads outside to the roof or a balcony or something. He stands so perfectly in the door frame, looking out over it all like some great big protector of his city or some shit. He shows no sign of the alcohol affecting him.
"Did you even drink?" I ask.
"I had a glass." he pauses, "I don't like drinking too much. I don't really like being out of control."
"Oh." maybe I shouldn't have.
"I don't mind when other people do… it's just not something I want for myself." He moves out of the way before letting me through.
Then I saw one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. The city below was so crowded at this semi-late hour. Each individual building seemed to light up the night sky with vibrant colors. There was so much movement and life, the soft humming of noises even found its way up here. It looked so exciting down there.
It's beautiful, but "Why did you take me here?"
"I thought you'd like it… plus, I could tell you needed a break from being in there."
"... Yeah." I almost hate how good he is at reading me.
Gaara is almost too good of a person.
I mean, hes stupid sometimes, but thats all it is. Hes just stupid. When hes not being stupid he does and says all the right things. He's honest with me, in a way that makes it obvious how much he trusts me. Hell, I think he trusts me, more than I trust me.
The Kazekage knows how to take care of me in a way that isn't really patronizing. He lets me try things out first, even if I fuck up. He gives me space when I need it. The dummy tries his best in every situation he's in. Even if he's not right, he's at least trying to be good.
"Can you, like, read my mind or something?"
He just laughs, "You know, I used to think you could do that to me, too. Turns out, it's just really obvious to tell when someone needs a lifeline."
"I guess…"
"Just enjoy this with me." he raises his arm for me to join him on the edge.
"Yeah," I snuggled up closer to him for warmth, "whatever."
Gaara wraps his arm around me pulling me closer to him. The view is amazing, the company isn't bad either. He's not making me say anything or do anything, just letting me be here. We sit here watching the world go by for a while. The sand is dancing around us like it did back in the oasis.
Everyone down below is living their own life, doing their own thing. He said this place used to be a lot worse off when his dad was in control of everything. Looking at everything below us I couldn't even imagine that. It's way too full of life for that to have ever been the case.
I like it here.
I lean over to give him a little peck on the cheek. His eyes widened for a second, before immediately adjusting to what just happened. Maybe I should warn him before doing things like that. To be fair, I didn't even know I was going to do that.
"Naruto?"
"Yeah?" I don't need to see it to know my cheeks are flushed red. My heart practically stopped beating in my chest, I am so excited or terrified of what he's going to ask me.
"Do you still love me?" He asked so sincerely it hurt, "It's okay if you don't… I shouldn't ha- I just - You can forg-"
"I don't know." It's still too soon...
Gaara looked hurt, but he shrugged, "I figured… I shouldn't have asked… I just - Do you think you could, maybe one day?"
"Yeah. Definitely." I smile, it wouldn't be hard to fall for him, "besides, I already like you."
"Yeah?" He looks so happy right now, "You know, I like you, too."
"Duh. I think it's kinda obvious."
"I thought I was over here being subtle."
"Asshole." I pull him into a kiss.
I'm done worrying about everything.
If I don't have control, it doesn't matter. It isn't like I can do much about it anyways. I am just going to live in this moment. Fuck, everything else that's happening. I'm here with an Alpha who's weirdly obsessed with me for some reason. Who's only real desire from me is to love him, there's worse places to be.
I give in to it all, I call to him, "C'mere."
Clutching the edges of Gaara's shirt tightly, making sure he can't get away. It's not like he bothers protesting against any of this, he wants this too. Our lips, mine a bit sloppier than his, interrupt any desire for deep thoughts. It was all about action now. I keep going, adding a little bit more to each one.
I can't help but to smile as I deepen this bond between our lips. This time making it more urgant. Hands sliding down over his chest, wrapping around his back keeping him as close as possible.
Large hands up my face completely to slow this down to a more controlled pace. Something gentle and full of love. Gaara kisses like each one might be our last. Deliberate actions taking advantage of this time he has, as if his only goal is to memorize my entire body.
We broke apart to breathe, I kept panting trying to get oxygen back into my lungs. Straddling his lap, with my arms around his shoulders, it feels like home.
My gaze locked back into teal eyes. He seems to just be enjoying this perfect moment with me. The faded pink and blue lights of the city beneath us contour his face perfectly this night. A small smile lazily makes its way across his face.
I just start giggling.
"What?"
All I can think to say is, "You're cute."
"Cute?" as if he's never been called cute before.
"Yeah. Cute." I doubled down.
"Okay. Cute." He flips it to where he's on top of me caging me beneath his form, "I can be cute."
Fuck… okay. Maybe cute isn't the best word to describe the Kazekage, because right now I think it's 'hot.' It's unfair that he can be such a dork and the hottest thing.
He goes back to the slow deliberate movements around my body. Hand cupping my face as another brushes against my stomach, breaching the fabric of my shirt. Light touches play their way a little further up my abdomen. A tongue glides over my bottom lip asking for entrance.
I moan, surrendering my whole self to Gaara. He is so intoxicating I can barely contain myself. The scent of an aroused alpha fills my nostrils, letting me know his clear intentions. Well that, and a newly forming bulge between his legs.
The redhead takes that as the invitation to keep going forward. Tongue plunging deep in between my lips to play with my own. Hand getting more bold with its actions. Lifting up my shirt far enough to expose my chest to him and the cold night air.
One hand cups one of my little pecs, before a light twisting of my nipple between his thumb and pointer. Puffing up from all the stimulation, eager for more attention. Moaning in response to every moment.
"So, I'm cute, right?" his voice deeply rumbles into my ear, sending shivers of goosebumps down my body.
I think he broke me.
I just nod.
Gaara takes that as the time to move a bit further south, mouth engulfing my nipple shortly after saying, "Good."
Fuck. It's like he loves teasing me. The tip of his tongue circles around the little bud. I feel like he would spend all night here if I let him. The redhead alternates between which one he is sucking and nibbling at and which ones between his fingers.
I don't think it matters if he's using his fingers or tongue, it's all going to my cocklett and pussy. I can feel it strain against the confines of my pants, whileslick starts to pool at the back. I think Gaara knows it, too. Positioning his legs between my own to spread me open. I eagerly ablige to this motion, helping him every step of the way.
Teal eyes look into mine as he starts going lower to unbutton my pants. He's giving me the chance to back out now.
The action made me realize I've never had a sexual experience where my thoughts were not clouded by heat. I don't remember most of what I've actually done sexually. Different men have complete memories of me in my most venerable state, and I barely have any fragments from that.
The most I've ever done with any one is make out.
To encourage him further, I say "Fuck me."
"What?" Gaara practically laughs at my request.
"You heard me…" I repeat myself, "fuck me."
"Naruto, I'm not going to fuck you tonight." he straightens up closer to my face to show how serious he is.
"What? Why?" I think I'm just as confused as him now.
"We're just having some fun…" His voice is so serious.
"Is it because I'm not him? Because I'm not Naruto."
I'm so insecure of this mythical perfect person. Gaara talks about the man I used to be like he's his whole world. He's probably just waiting for Naruto to return so he can fuck him.
"It's not that."
"Then what is it? Why wont you fuck me? Any Alpha would jump at this opportunity. I'm a willing Omega."
Gaara shakes his head, "You're not."
"You don't get to decide that!" I remember, "Especially when you've spent a heat with me… many heats with me. How was I willing then… but not now?"
He desperately tries to find another reason, "You're drunk."
"What's the difference?" The condition is literally called Heat Drunkenness.
He thinks for a few seconds, "I guess there's not one."
"Then… you'll fuck me?" I cross my arms.
"No." he thinks again, "If I made you uncomfortable at the inn then, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."
I didn't want him to say that, I didn't want an apology. I just wanted to get fucked. I want one sexual experience where I know what's going on.
"I relied on a lot of our old cues from our relationship before… Your heat sprung up so fast… we didn't have any time together to come up with any new ones. It's not an excuse. I should have just gotten Haku for you." his soft teal eyes looked deep into my soul, "I keep messing this up. I'm sorry."
Out of nowhere, I start crying, "Stop."
"I'm sorry." He closes the gap between us, wrapping his arms around me. The touch feels like a thousand little needles stabbing me. "I'm so sorry."
"Get off me." I don't want this.
"... Okay." he sounds so hurt, but he lets go and gives me some distance.
"Go away." tears falling freely from my eyes.
Hesitantly he says, "I don't think I should leave you like this."
"Leave," I demand, "now."
The Kazekage sighs, "Okay. If that's what you need."
He makes one last look back at me before he does exactly what I demanded from him… he leaves. I wanted him to fight me, prove he cared about me, this me, enough to fight. I wanted him to stay. I'm too broken. Of course he would leave. Why did I yell at him to leave?
Why am I just standing here?
I should run after Gaara… My feet are glued to the ground forbidding any movement.
I woke up alone.
I'm in Suna. In Gaara's old bed. My nest.
I didn't fall asleep here.
Did Gaara send someone for me? Did I come here myself? Did he come for me himself? Did I just pass out before he could come back? What happened to me when I was passed out?
I don't want to think about it.
I go looking for the Alpha shortly after waking up, to see if he'd say anything. When I saw him, Gaara didn't bring it up. He barely even acknowledges me…. He just says he has to work on something important with Tamari.
I want to crawl out of my skin… he was acting like last night never happened. But it had, and I don't remember most of it. I shouldn't have drank anything. I'm such a fuck up.
I want to yell at Gaara, to force him to acknowledge everything. He acted so calm, like nothing was out of place. It felt like he was just waiting for me to crack again. He knows I'm going to… I'm not who he really wants, anyways. He wants to 'fix' me and turn me back into whoever he used to know.
I don't actually think I'm really ready to talk about anything from last night. Everything I said was right. I don't think he raped me or anything… I just wanted to have one experience where I could remember what happened. I was such a dick about it though, I didn't have to be.
I fucked up so badly
I want to act like last night never happened.
But I don't want him to act like last night never happened.
I hate this… why am I so broken?
"Hey?" Kankuro comes up to me. "I heard about last night… wanna talk about it, buddy?"
"What did you hear?" Maybe he can tell me something… like what Gaara is thinking.
"Not a whole lot, you know Gaara, he's not much of a talker."
Except, "I don't."
"Oh, right." He laughs it off.
I shrug. I don't know why I said that.
"How did I get back to my room?" I need to know this.
"Huh? Oh, Gaara went back to check up on you. You passed out, so he carried your drunk ass back to your nest. You gotta be careful, buddy. It was a party, sure, but know your limits."
I hate that I have to ask, "He didn't do anything, right?"
Kankuro just laughs, "Gaara? Really? Look I know you don't have your memories, or whatever-the-fuck, but you should know him better than that."
"I don't." people really don't get it, "I met him two weeks ago."
"Look. Gaara would rather die than hurt you. Hell, he'd probably rather die than mildly upset you. My brother's been in love with you since we were all kids." He gets defensive, almost offended, on his brother's behalf, "You don't gotta to worry about him like that."
"Look." I copied his mannerism, "I don't know this stuff… He kinda just showed up out of nowhere and now I'm in a forign land, with forien people, not knowing what to do or what's even going on. The only thing I do know is I'm one wrong step from starting a war. So I'm sorry if I'm a little on edge, and don't know what this literal stranger would do to me."
"He's not a stranger, he's Gaara. I know this is hard for you, but this is hard for him, too. When you left-"
I cut him off, "It wasn't my fault."
It's not my fault I'm like this.
"When you left," He repeated himself, "Gaara went off the deep end for a while. I know you probably don't know what that means, but it's bad. Well, it wasn't as bad as when he was a kid… but he thought you abandoned him. And dad kept trying to make it worse, blaming him for Kyuubi's bullshit."
"... He told me a little bit about his father."
"Then you know it's not good. It wasn't until he realized that you were gone-gone, that no one else heard from you, that he was able to calm down - even just a little bit."
I can't believe my absence would distress someone that much. I always felt like I could just disappear and no one would notice or care. I have been trapped away in that castle my whole life. I didn't have any friends. The only people who even knew who I was were my parents… and Itachi.
"I know you're not ready to hear this," he pauses almost as if he wants to make sure I'm paying attention, "but Gaara loves you. He would do anything for you. He's done all of this for you. He's taking on Kyuubi for you. Give him a fuckin' break."
"I didn't ask for him to."
"You didn't have to."
"That-"
He cuts off again, "Whatever you were upset about last night, just drop it. I promise you - it's not worth it."
"You don't even know why I'm upset."
"I don't need to. I know Gaara would kill for you… not even in, like, a life or death situation. If you just asked on a whim he would do it. Wouldn't think about it. Wouldn't question you. Would just do it."
That's too much power to have over a person, "I don't know if I can handle that."
"Then tell him to get over you. Tell him to stop this. He'll stop all of this if you tell him." Kankuro pauses again, "Whatever you do, dont fucking play around with him. I love you like a brother, but he is my brother. And I'm fucking-tired of seeing him in pain."
"It's not like I want to see him in pain." I try to defend myself.
"Look, whatever happened between you too last night really got underneath Gaara's skin. He said you just needed your privacy for a bit… but I don't know man. It seemed like more than that. Whatever happened last night fucked with his head. You need to talk to him today."
They act like it's my job to keep his head on straight, I am going to be his mate, so I guess it is. It's what my dad tries to do for Kyuubi. He's no good at it, but he at least tries.
Fuck, I hate this.
Haku is holding a bunch of medical books or something. The other Omega seems really busy since coming here. He seems to have acclimated to everything super fast. I feel like you could put him anywhere and he'd do fine as long as Zabuza was with him.
"Ah! Naruto, how are you doing today?" He finally seems to notice me.
I shouldn't bother him, "I'm tired."
"Yeah?" He perks up for a second as if looking right through me.
"Yeah, last night was rough…" I shouldn't talk about it, "But how are things with you?"
"We're actually getting pretty far with everything. We're really close to figuring out a way to safely remove everything."
"That's good!" I hope.
"Are you going to dance around the subject, or do you want to talk about it?" He is always so well put together and like he knows what he's doing. I'm sure he'll figure it all out on his own.
"I got mad at Gaara last night."
"I heard."
"Does everyone know?" I hope there wasn't some big announcement that I lost my shit last night.
"No-no, he just let some people know you might need some space today." Haku says, "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Are you just going to yell at me instead of talking about what happened?" I don't want a repeat of Gaara's brother.
"I don't see the point in that."
"… Then sure." I don't want to say what happened.
He looks at me expectantly, "Well?"
"I got mad at him for the heat thing…" I don't want to explain this, "You know, I don't really remember them well. "
"Well, now I know why… you get into a deep heat state, for a long time actually. You know that's not very common."
"A what?"
"A deep heat state. It's a primal state," he tacks on, "it's cute."
"I'm not cute." I pout.
"Yes you are, especially like that."
Wait, "How do you know?"
"He left you with me for a day."
"What do you mean he left me with you?"
"Didn't he tell you?"
"Obviously not."
"When he took out that Alpha Den with Zabuza, who do you think was watching over you?" Haku asked.
"I didn't…" I rub my head sheepishly, "So one of those days I was with you?
"Most of it, yes. The Kazekage wanted me to do a medical check up on you."
I panicked, "He had you check me out?!"
"No, not like that. He just wanted me to take a look at your vitals." Haku consoled me before I freaked out more, "We didn't do anything invasive, I promise. I wouldn't break your trust like that."
"….okay. Why did he leave me with you? Was the threat really that bad?"
"No." the brunette waves it off, "He just needed to let off some steam. He found out about some … things."
Things, "About… about Itachi?"
"Yes." he confirms my fears.
"And he got angry that I was with another Alpha?" Of course he did… I knew Gaara couldn't be so understanding.
"Well, I'm sure that was a part of it… but mostly that the other Alpha didn't take care of you."
That makes no sense, "Why didn't he just yell at me… he didn't have to leave."
"Sweetheart, that state is too fragile of a state for an Omega. The Kazekage knew that and he did the best thing for you - he left for a while. Came back when he was in a better mood. Wreaking of blood, mind you… I still don't know why. He was so stupid to do that, but you didn't seem to mind."
"What was I like with him? Or what was he like with me?" I don't know which one is the right question.
"He was very caring, calm, and patient." Haku pauses, "And you, well you were deep into it, but you accepted him very well."
"Gross…"
"It's not gross, it's sweet. That part of you is the most inner part of you… I was actually surprised how calm your Inner Omega was."
I'm still hesitant,"...okay."
"You know when I meet a lot of people's inner omegas they are scared?" Haku says. I forget Omega's are social creatures sometimes, and it's not uncommon to be around a lot of them… but when people say stuff like this it sounds so weird to me. Like I missed out on an important part of life.
"Scared? Why?"
"Because, it's a primal state, and there's nothing more primal than fear. The Inner Omega is designed to take care of those things… It's one of the reasons it takes over in heat. Your heat is either going to be the most blissful time or the most fearful time."
"How much of yours do you remember?" I wonder if I'm normal.
"Almost none of it." Haku says with a smile.
"Why are you happy about that?" It's terrifying.
"It's the sign of a good heat. I have a mate I trust to take care of me during that time. Zabuza might look like a meanie, but he's a very caring man. He takes care of me when I need it."
"So Gaara doesn't hurt me?"
Haku think's for a second before saying, "I don't know what he's like behind closed doors. So I can't tell you anything for sure... What does your gut say?"
I finally found Gaara.
We're alone in an office, it must be his. There's a few really heavy books opened, but not too many loose papers. It's relatively organized, or at least looks organized. The room is pretty basic though, nothing too flashy, just a plant and a bunch of little windows.
Before he says anything, I say, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be… you were right." The Kazekage replies.
"Huh?"
His brows furrowed, as his brain seemed to wonder more on what he said, "You were right last night."
"What?" When I told him to leave?
"There's not much of a difference between you being drunk and completely lost in heat. You had every right to be upset with me. I took advantage of the situation."
"No you didn't…" he took care of me. I might not remember, but I know he took care of me.
"You don't have to try to spare my feelings, Naruto. I know I'm not a good person." the redhead sighs, "I understand if you hate me now or don't want to be around me."
"Shut-the-fuck-up."
"Naru-"
I cut him off, "No. I'm the one that fucked up last night. Not you."
"You were drunk," he adds, "you're already not in the best head sp-"
"Stop being so understanding. It's okay to be mad at me." I practically shout.
"I'm not mad at you." his voice starts to take a frustrated tone. Good. He'll stop lying to me soon.
"You are. You're mad I runned the party. You're mad I ruined you trying to make things better. You're mad I yelled at you. You're mad I'm not Naruto. It's okay." my voice shakes more and more with each sentence, I don't want to cry again.
"Naruto." Gaara says my name so firmly it's practically a command.
"I'm right." I say.
"You're not." he says in the same firm tone, "There's no way to say this that isn't patronizing, you don't know enough about our relationship to know what you're talking about."
"It's not my fault."
"I know. It's Kyuubi's. I'm doing my best to fix what he's done. I need you on my side when I do it. You said you would trust me… is that stil how you feel?"
Yes. "I don't know."
"That's fair."
"No, it's not."
"It is." he sighs with frustration, "They told me they're getting close to figuring out how to break that seal. Can you wait to make any big decisions until then?"
He wants me to wait until I'm gone… "Fine."
"Thank you. It means a lot to me. I'll give you your space until then." Gaara seems to have a sense of calmness again.
"No." I don't want to be abandoned again.
"It's probably for the best. Trust me, I don't want to be apart from you either."
"It's not fair."
"It's life. Life's never been fair to either of us." Gaara says something that I don't know how to argue with.
"Why aren't you mad at me? I've done bad things."
"You don't know the types of things I've done. Things that are way worse than getting a little drunk and yelling. Things you've forgiven me for without blinking." It's terrifying when an Alpha tells you they've done bad things… because it could be anything.
I don't think I want to know what the Kazekage thinks is bad enough not to deserve forgiveness. I know some of the things my father has done, and they are unspeakable. It could just be part of the job of being a Kage.
I just say, "Okay."
"Thank you for understanding. You've always been really good at that."
"...I guess." but, "I don't want to go back to being alone again."
"I don't either. I keep fucking this up for us. So it's probably best to wa-"
"I'm fucking this up."
"No, you aren't." He realizes we're kinda going in circles, "before we continue, I need to know this… your heat, how do you really feel about what happened?"
"I hate them… not remembering shit is the worst."
The Kazekage clarifies, "I mean, the one we recently shared?"
"I don't know… I like what I do remember." I shrug, trying to get rid of this uncomfortable feeling.
"Did I force you?"
I think about it long and hard, "I don't think so. I liked it when I thought you didn't do anything to me, but I don't remember all of it… did we?"
"Yes."
"You had sex with me." I confirm.
"No."
I was too afraid to ask this the other day when we first got here, "What did we do?"
"Basically everything, but penitrative sex. I fingered you. Ate you out. Sucked your cock. Everything.'' He tells me of actions that I don't remember.
"That's all the things you did to me… What did you have me do to you?"
"I mean… You sucked my dick a once or twice, but we don't usually focus on me in your heats. Your heats are for you."
That doesn't make sense, "So... it's your ruts we focus on you?"
"No." he shakes his head, "We usually just spar, I get a lot of excess aggression during that time. You're the only one that can keep up and keep everything under control. If it triggered your heat, which it usually would, we would switch gears back onto you."
"Why are you so weird?"
"Huh?"
"You had an Omega, in heat, several times and didn't take advantage... I mean. You could basically do whatever you wanted with no repercussions, because I don't remember them."
He seems too shocked to say anything but, "I'm sorry. I should have come sooner."
"What?" What does that even mean?
"That time alone with Kyuubi really fucked you up. I should have come sooner." He sounds so bewildered and serious at the same time.
"We're talking about you having sex with me, not my father." Please, I do not want to think of those two things in the same sentence.
"Yeah, but what you're saying to me, even I know it's fucked up." Gaara tries to reason with me.
"No it's not. Alpha's are assholes who think the world belongs to them - especially Omega's. I'm being real." I explained.
"Yeah… That's still wrong. You never used to think this way. I mean, you did, but not like this."
"Maybe I've just learned more things since I was 15."
"That's the problem. I should have come sooner."
"It's not about you."
"You're asking me if I fucked you when you could barely consent. It's a little bit about me. If I would have come sooner maybe you wouldn't-"
I cut him off, "Be so broken?"
"Have gotten hurt." Gaara tries to correct me, "If I had come sooner, it would have meant less time that you were alone with Kyuubi."
"You mean Itachi."
"Honestly, yeah, probably him, too." he stands his ground.
"I knew it. You were just jealous."
"I can't lie, that's a part of it." he has a small outburst, before calming down to say, "but hear the words you are saying. You expect an Alpha to use your body as they desire. That you have no choice. Who do you think taught you that?"
"You think it was Itachi who taught me that… You don't know anything about him."
"I know you cared for him. Which is why I did not bring him up. So, I don't think either of us want to have this conversation right now."
"He's not a bad guy." I defend my previously betrothed.
"I'm not saying he is." Gaara doubles down, "I'm saying Kyuubi is."
"But you're thinking it. You asked the first night we were together if he was the one who fucked me up." I won't let him get away with this.
"I didn't know about the seal. I didn't know what happened. Your previously betrothed was a part of the Uchiha Clan, their abilities are very well known. It's not a stretch for me to think he might have been involved." He's making some good points… and I hate it.
"You went on a whole rampage when you found out he shared a heat with me. That was after you found out about my seal."
"I respect that you care for him," his lips perce shut for a second, "But you're right. I don't trust him. I also don't like him. You can call me a possessive or jealous Alpha if you'd like. However, I have very valid reasons for this."
"Like what?" I don't know why I keep edging him on. I don't really want to be doing this… It just keeps happening.
"I have no desire to ruin the image of a man you respect."
"Yes you do. You're just waiting for me to say it's okay. It's okay. Say it." I goat him to keep going.
"Naruto. He couldn't feed you." He rested his head in his hands.
"So, I don't eat much during heats. It's not a big deal." I shrug it off.
"You could have died."
"You're overreacting. I don't eat most of my heats - it's normal."
"Maybe when you're alone, but with me you eat. Every time I've-" he sighs, trying to get a hold of himself, "I don't want to argue with you about this."
I don't even know what I want from this conversation any more, "I just came here to apologize to you, asshole."
"I know. I don't think you did anything wrong last night. You don't need to apologize." He goes back to being Mr. Understanding.
"See that's what doesn't make sense to me! You're too nice and you let me get away with anything."
The Kazekage thinks for a second before speaking, "You're used to everything being a fight because of Kyuubi?"
How?
I don't like this.
I hate this.
I can't lie, "... Maybe."
"Not everything has to be a fight. I'm not going to freak out on you over every little thing. I genuinely want the best for you."
"Yeah… that doesn't make sense to me."
"Because you don't know our relationship, not fully, not yet, but when, if, you do, you'll understand this more. Which is why I asked for you to wait until after we get the seal off until we talk about anything like this." Maybe he does actually want the best for me.
"But what if it doesn't work."
"Then it doesn't work."
"That doesn't mean anything."
"It means I'm not going to worry about whether or not it works, until it doesn't work. There's no point in it." he thinks for a second, "What are you afraid of happening if it doesn't work?"
"That you'll hate me because I'm not him."
"The fact that you care enough to even worry that I would hate you, is enough for me. I could never hate you."
"You can't say that."
"Yes, I can."
"You don't know for sure."
"I know, that even in this state, where you don't know who I am fully, your biggest fear is that I don't like you. There's something in our bond, that I know you don't remember, but on some level you do. On some level you still feel it. That's enough for me."
"This makes me uncomfortable." I don't know why I tell the truth.
"That's okay." He pulls out his chair a bit, "I have an idea."
"Hm?"
"Sit on my lap." He says so confidently.
"What?"
"You don't have to, but I want to try this."
"...okay." Hesientalty I joined him on his lap.
"Can I put my arms around you?" He asked.
"I guess…" He doesn't. I don't think he will until I say, "You can do it."
He does.
His arms wrapped around my midsection pulling my back more flush against his chest. Warmth radiates from his body into my own. I'm surrounded by his calming scent again. Everything about this feels right.
"Take a deep breath." Gaara's chest rises and falls as if to deminstartate.
I followed his lead again. Deep breath in. Deep Breath out. We week doing this for a while until I'm a bit more calm.
"How do you know how to do all this?" I say so quietly I don't think he hears me for a second.
"You taught me this." he fumbles out, "I mean… you know what I mean. My friendship with you taught me a lot. I use it as a guide for almost everything I do."
"Friendship? I'm sitting on your lap."
"We've gone over the fact that I used to be stupid."
"I don't think nearly enough." I just lean back resting fully in this embrace, "I like how patient you are with all of this."
"The patience you like from me, I learned from you." He says so earnestly.
But, "I'm not patient."
"You can be very patient when you want to be."
"I guess." I want to hide away again. This feels so comfortable and right, but I still am afraid something bad's about to happen.
"Ask me anything that you want."
"We already did this."
"And it settled you down a bit. You're freaking out right now because you don't know things. I might have the answers to some of those things."
I hate having what I'm doing explained to me like I'm a fucking kid… but hes right. I don't know what's going on. This is the first time I've ever had any freedom away from Kyuubi. Everything has changed so fast, and I don't know which way is up.
"Why didn't you do anything when, you know? It's not just that you're super nice or whatever. There's more to it that isn't there?"
"There's a little bit more to it, yeah. I don't really like sex stuff all that much… at least not being on the receiving end." Gaara tries to think of the right way to say this, "I take pleasure in giving you pleasure. Knowing you want me, that you really want me, that's what does it for me."
"If you're going to lie, make it believable." I huffed out.
"Naruto, it's not a lie." His head rested deeper into my shoulder blade. I kinda want to play with his hair again. It's so nice and soft.
"But, it doesn't make sense…"
"You know my sand?" he asked, I reached up and started twirling around my fingers into his short red hair. He doesn't seem to care, he even seems to relax a bit more.
"Yeah, you explained how it worked."
"I've had this sand to protect me my entire life. I can't actually touch people often... There's a physical barrier in the way. Not only that I've had so many assasination attempts on my life, that I stopped counting. Not just battles that almost ended in my death… people going out of their way with the sole intention of murdering me." He seems to be going off on a tangent before reeling himself back in, "Trust me when I say, it takes a lot for me to be able to touch another person."
"You let me touch and hold you all the time." I remind him, Gaara must be lying to me. I'm literally in his arms right now.
"I practiced at that. It wasn't something that just happened. It was a conscious effort that took years. You patiently waited for years for me to be able to get to this point." he tacks on, "I still can't do it sometimes."
"Did I really do that?"
"Yeah, you did. Sex-stuff is the same way. It's not that I don't like what you do to me, I do, but it takes a lot out of me. It's easier when you're in heat, because of the pheromones, but it's not a walk in the park." He explains.
"Oh."
"For me to be on the receiving end, I need to know what's going to happen before it does. It's not sexy or spontaneous. I've basically gotten the exact same blow job since I was fucking 13."
"What?"
"It was your idea."
I just look at him.
"Well the old you… "
I still don't say a fucking word.
"You wanted to… and you can be very creative when you want things." Gaara sounds so awkward trying to explain this, and honestly, good, it's awkward listening to this, "So you created a way to do what you wanted to do, while making sure I was comfortable. You made a script of exactly what you were going to do to me, in the exact order, so I would know what was going to happen. It worked."
"You said you received a, ya know, during my latest heat. So, does that mean I don't remember you... but I remember how to give you a fucking blow job?"
"Yeah... I don't know why either. It might be-"
I cut him off, again, "I swear, if you finish that sentence-"
"I won't." He said very quickly.
"Good."
"But yeah, that's the reason I make sure things are okay with you. You taught me how to do that. Because you had to do that for me. Honestly, the more I do it for you, fuck, I realize how much you did for me." He holds me a bit tighter.
"Oh," I try to think of more things to ask, "What were you going to do to me last night… if you wernt trying to fuck me?"
"I just wanted to fool around with you a bit, nothing too serious."
"Okay… that doesn't mean anything."
"Nothing we" he realizes what he said, "well, I haven't done to you already."
"Yeah." I don't know why that made the point I was trying to make earlier so much better. "I'm broken."
"I cant believe you heard everything I just said and think I give a fuck that you're broken. I've known this." Gaara seems to have lost a bit of his infinite patience at this, "Even before all of this, we've been broken. You and I are the type of broken that you can't just fix. We're the type of damage where you just get to a level of operation and just live with it."
Gaara squeezes me tightly as if he let go I would disappear, "I don't care that you're broken. I care whether or not you're in my life."
Each day goes on kinda the same.
Gaara and I are back on good terms again, so that's nice. His family yells sometimes, but they really love each other. More and more time pases like a blur. I couldn't differentiate what was happening when, before I knew it the mystical day came. They are going to try to break this seal… I don't know what's going to happen when they do.
Does the old Naruto just come back?
Like does he just take over my body and it's like I never existed in the first place. As if I was just a placeholder for him while he was locked away. When this seal breaks….
Will I cease to exist?
I asked, "Are you sure I have to do this?"
"You don't have to." Gaara sighs, "I'd like you to."
"Okay." I sigh.
I shouldn't deny Gaara this. He's done so much to get Naruto back and I'm the last thing in his way. I should just let him destroy me so he can get what he wants. It's not like I'm really a person anyways. I'm probably just the seal filling the void of it all.
I say, "I'll do it."
"You don't have to. Are you sure?"
I looked into sad seafoam green eyes, "Yeah. I'll do it. I'm just scared or whatever."
"The best thing to do when you're scared is to find someone who makes you feel safe." he reaches out his hand to me.
"My dad used to say that…"
"I know." He smirks.
"Right." I forget he knows more about my life than I do.
"Sorry." He winces back, realizing his mistake.
"Asshole."
He pulls back his hand.
"I didn't say take it away." I reach forward and grip it tightly… I'm so scared. "What if it," works, "doesn't work?"
"Then it doesn't work."
"You make it sound so easy."
Gaara thinks for a second, "Worst case scenario, you just get access to all your chakra again."
"Best case scenario?"
Naruto returns, and I'm nothing.
"Best case scenario, you get out of this True Omega State."
"Oh…" That doesn't sound too bad.
"Yeah, if this is really what you want, let's not keep anyone waiting."
"I don't keep people waiting." I grumble out.
"Yes, you do." The redhead says before he leads me through the great unknown.
This all seems so fast, I know he wouldn't try to hurt me. What if that seal is there for a real good reason, and we break it and something bad happens? What if…
Worst case scenario I get access to my chakra.
Worst case scenario I get access to my chakra.
Worst case scenario I get access to my chakra.
Worst case scenario I get access to my chakra.
Why am I afraid of the best case scenario?
We entered a hospital-like room with a lot of machines setup and people around. This is so intimidating, I want to leave. I look over at the Kazekage, and he looks like everything is normal… no better than normal. He's getting Naruto back today.
And I'm… I don't know.
I'm being led to the bed, there's already so much medical equipment in here. Like they are expecting this to hurt or something.
"Naruto, you're going to do great, okay?" Haku says.
I need to know, "What's going to happen?"
"We're going to knock you out for most of it, so you won't have to worry about the pain. Then all of us are going to work on taking off those seals."
"How painful is it?"
"You won't feel a thing." Haku smiles, "You'll be knocked out… remember?"
"I guess…"
They quickly start the process for everything. I don't have any chance to back out now. I've committed to this. This was my choice, now it's time to see it through.
The last thing Gaara says to me is, "When you wake up I'll be here."
What's up demons? It's ya' boi.
So this chapter originally was supposed to just be one chapter, but um, it ended up being 55 pages so I decided to split it up into two. Next chapter we see how this all works out. We're also going to explore Itachi's and Naruto's relationship a bit more from Naruto's point of view. Because I love drama and tension.
What do you think will happen? What do you want to happen?
TigrezzTail. Sorry about that, it's supposed to be.
Basically throughout the last year in the story Sasuke has had his mind literally getting warped by Orochimaru. Everytime you see multiple POVs of the same scene, you're seeing how the other character perceives what's going on. There is no objective reality. None of the characters are 100% reliable narrators, some are a bit more reliable than others.