Difficult Engagements
Chapter 32
Not Naruto
Naruto's POV
Black tendrils surround my entire being. So deeply encoded and knotted with my life it's hard to tell where I began and it ends.
I look around; I'm in my fathers office again, the room is completely filled in shadow.
I freeze.
I have to breathe.
The fire is dimly lit in the background. The desk- no.
The potted plant. The curtains. The rug. The fire pokers.
The heat from the fire. The softness of my sweater. The ~
Before I could finish doing what Haku taught me, a tall man grabbed me from behind and threw me on top of the desk. I can't get a good look at him. My eyes refuse to focus on anything for too long. He is putting something in my hand. Too scared to open it and see what it could be, I clasped my hand around it tight.
"What's it like being an Uchiha's whore?" The words surround me like an echo chamber. Each one bouncing off every available surface to attack again. Invading my ears with his taunt.
"I-dont…know?" it's getting harder to breathe, I keep trying to fill my lungs with shallow breaths.
"Do you know how embarrassing you are?"
Yes.
In a swift motion the silk dress drips completely off of my body, pooling on to the desk. So many eyes are on me now, it's like they are feasting on the sight of my exposed body. I try my best to cover up, but I'm held back from any such action. I am being exposed to everyone in this room… I don't know how many people there are.
There's so many of them.
They are just watching me.
They wont stop watching me.
"Can you stop staring?" I beg.
"I'll stop staring, and just start doing." The glint in his red eyes looks like he wants to devour me whole in front of all of these watchers.
He lunges at me, sharp teeth bared, stopping at the juncture at my neck. I feel the sharp pointed daggers starting to press down one my flesh. One bite is all it really takes and I'm marked for life. I will become a proper Omega at that bite, whatever that really means.
"I want to leave my mark on you, now and forever." someone says into my neck.
Tears start falling from my eyes, there is nothing I can do. It seems like he predicted this reaction because the guards already had each one of my limbs. Two are yanking my legs apart with their sharp nails digging into my thighs.
"Just relax, Lady Uzumaki." another faceless man says to me.
A blade was taken to my lace panties, cut to shreds and torn off of my body. I tried to start kicking again. It was all in vain. The faceless guard held me tighter.
I am so scared, I scream, "What… are you…doing?!"
"Do not struggle, it will hurt more." the man with the canine grin said, as more hands held me down.
"Pleessee… please, please." I keep begging for him to stop.
"Relax." This is really happening. A finger is brushing against my opening sending shock waves down my body. He won't stop.
The man wanted to tease me first, he smeared liquid around my entrance. Alternating firmness so I won't know which one will be the one that will penetrate me. I gasp, knowing this would be the one to take me, but my tails find a way to protect me. My skin crawls underneath his touch.
"You begged for this." more hands come from nowhere giving them access to my body.
Something slid inside of me. Forcing its way in and out of my body. He squeezes at my ass with a hand so hot I feel like it's burning my flesh.
Fingers lace into my hair dragging my head back to expose my neck. Teeth find their way to that spot again again before biting down. They finish on top of me. A foreign fluid is all over my stomach and face.
It should be over now, I can rest.
I was slapped hard in the face, "I want you to be respectable. Something to be proud of. Not this."
My cheek hurts. He looks down on me again, at the mess he made and blames me for it. The guards let go of my limbs.
"You fucked him and ruined the only thing good about you."
"You did this!" I manage to try to stand up for myself.
A huge grin rips across my fathers face, "Why don't you open your hand… I think you'll like what you see."
I open my hand, inside is Itachi's necklace.
No, this can't be true.
I thought he said they had more time. He didn't let me know what was going on... but I didn't think he would die. I feel anger in my body bubbling to the surface. My body starts shaking, as the pit in my stomach grows. The tears are welling up in my eyes, before spilling over the edge of my eyes.
Itachi's dead and there is nothing I can do about it.
"Stop crying - just like your dad." Kyuubi was so disgusted with me, "I said he will be replaced. Don't worry soon you will forget all about Itachi."
Slowly. One of the black tendrils interlocking with my being unknots.. It's just one all the way at the edge, but it's giving some hope that this might be all undone.
I'm in my room alone. It's a few days before I start my next heat cycle. I'm having such a hard time controlling my chakra. I think that's why.
I keep reading the last scroll I got from Itachi, trying to learn as much as I can. These are supposed to be supplements for knowledge. It's so hard to learn without having that base knowledge.
"I have something I need to talk to you about." My dad said as he entered my room.
I quickly try to hide what I was just reading. If my dad found out I was reading a fighting scroll he would have to tell father.
"What is it?"
"Well, you're about to get your heat soon right?"
"Yeah, I know." I lean over hoping the books and scrolls can't be seen. This wasn't my first one, I know how they usually are. It's not a big deal.
"I have a few questions for you. Does Itachi treat you well?" my dad asks, he is usually the one concerned with my well being.
"Yeah, of course he does."
"That's good. Are you in love with him?"
"I don't know yet. We kinda just met and I know he's going to be my husband one day so it makes the whole thing awkward. My goal is to fall in love with him. It's just hard to know if I'm actually feeling it or just projecting you know?" My dad smiled so warmly when he heard me say that.
"I understand. It's a hard situation to be in." My dad looked down for a second then he looked back up at me, with a fake smile plastered on his face. "Now you have to remember you can't go too far this time. You have to be very careful about that. There's a chance you get pregnant before you're officially together. That would not look good for anyone."
"Pregnancy itself is a mixed blessing, you'll realize why later on in life. When you have your own. At least you're with someone who cares for you." My dad looked down with the same sad expression on his face when he said.
He has unshed tears trapped in his darker blue eyes. He took a deep breath and smiled. He looked me straight in the eyes, stood up and gave me a kiss on the forehead.
"Naruto-chan I need to go now. Just make sure that Itachi doesn't take it too far." he quickly left the room.
He acts odd sometimes, I know he cares. It's just weird. I try to get back to learning chakra control from these scrolls.
The tendril loops around all the other strings trying to find its true way out… creating another knot.
I look around, I just left that fucking ass hole who thinks hes the best thing on this earth, when he's clearly not. I can't believe him and Itachi are even related. They are two totally different people. I was just trying to be nice to him, for Itachi, and he's a dick.
As soon as I make my way back to Itachi, I complain, "You're brother is an asshole and I hate him."
"What did he do?" My betrothed's voice is full of fear.
"He's just… ugghh!" I don't even know why it got to me that badly.
"Are you okay?" His voice is still with a serious tone, but more controlled.
"Ugghhh, yeah I'm fine, he's just," I'm still trying to figure it out, "so fucking anoying."
"What exactly did he say?"
"He said, like, really mean things about you…." I huff out.
Itachi shakes his head and chuckles, "We are brothers, he just does that sometimes. We have 20 years of history together. With all that time, he's bound not to like me during some of it. He's got a lot more responsibility now, and I don't think he's used to it. Give him some time to adjust to all of this, for me?"
"Fine… for you." I remember, "but he called me a princess. I'm the prince. Just because I'm an Omega doesn't make me a girl."
"I am sorry he did that. He can say whatever he wants about me, but there's no excuse for him hurting you. I can talk to him about that." Itachi always tries to make things right for me.
"Yeah…. Please do." I think I might have overreacted.
"I will."
"I don't want to be mad at him. He seems to be, like, the only one you actually care about in your family, but he's such an asshole!"
"He can be, but he's my brother." Itachi chuckles, "Did you get any of the dirt you wanted on me?"
"Noooo… He said you were always perfect." I bemone my failed mission, "I don't know, I guess I was hoping you were human like the rest of us. Maybe your brother could tell me of when you guys were kids and you tripped and fell into a lake or something, I don't know, normal."
"I don't try to be perfect, it just happens." he sounds sad, like I just said the worst thing possible.
"It's not a bad thing, dummy." I just feel inadequate.
"Everyone thinks it is. When you're good at things, people praise you for it. Behind your back, they hate you for it." The raven haired man explains to me.
"Oh… I never thought of it that way. It must be lonely…"
"It can be." Itachi says it just like that, a fact.
"Well I'm here now," I shrug off that I was doing the same thing everyone else has done to him.
I don't want to be like them. Itachi's really nice, he cares about people, he doesn't deserve to feel lonely like that. The pain of being alone is completely out of this world. I don't know why, but I understand his feelings so much, it actually hurts.
"You are."
"So you won't be lonely anymore… Though, I have heard that I can be annoying. So you might actually end up appcrating being alone."
A kind smile graces his lips, "I don't find you annoying. You're actually kind of cute."
"That's what I've been saying." I laugh, "Besides, being perfect isn't the worst thing."
"What would have been the worst thing?" He seems to be amused by what I say.
"I don't know… You could have… you could have been ugly or something." Being perfect isn't a bad thing. I just don't feel like I deserve perfection.
"Couldn't have that."
"Of course not." I think a bit more about today, "I still hate your brother…"
"If I can get him to apologize, would that help?"
"... it would be a start... " I remember, "But it would have to be a real one this time."
Itachi laughs a truly genuine laugh that I have learned to appreciate more than anything, "Of course."
That can be undone, I just have to find the end of it and loop it out.
I look around, I'm with Itachi, we're at some cafe.
I think he told me once when he travels he likes to try out new places like this. He likes them because they are all the same, but different in a way. That somehow it gives him something simple to look forward to at each place. I don't know, I don't really get it, but it's nice.
I don't know how we got to this conversation, "While you're alive, you need a reason for your existence. Being unable to find one is the same as being dead."
"What's yours?" Itachi asked me.
"I don't really have one… People in my position aren't able to-"
"Your position?" he says in a joking tone, before popping a sweet in his mouth.
"An Omega, duh." I explain, "My one duty in life is to have kids, besides that, nothing. It's not really a reason to live."
"You don't want kids?" It's not about that…
"It doesn't matter what I want." That's the whole point, "Like yeah, I do want kids one day, I want a big family. But for that to be the only thing in my life, it's not enough. I want to do something."
"If you could do anything, what would you do?"
"Undo all the shit my father did, duh. I'd want to be Hokage and make the world a better place… but I can't. It sucks."
"You know we have very similar goals?" The raven haired man almost laughs.
"Huh?"
"Ever since I was a kid, when my father, well, he took me on this mission. That's when I swore to myself when I took over as Wolf of Konoha I would make things different. Once I had the power to, I would change the world." he sounds so hurt. I don't know what this is, but I know it's serious.
"Really?"
"Yes."
"How would you do that?"
Taking a sip of his tea he thinks for a second, "My father had these plans, he wanted to make things right for the Uchiha Clan… But he was too short sided… it would have made everything worse. If I were in charge, we could have found a better way to achieve peace."
"Well, when people are protecting something truly special to them, they truly can become… as strong as they need to be." I take another sip of tea, "I think you'd be able to do it."
"Self-sacrifice... A nameless warrior who protects peace within its shadow." He almost mumbles this to himself, "That is what makes a true protector."
"Self-sacrifice? To die as a tool… that's… that's just too sad." I hate that he thinks that way, like he's disposable.
Itachi saved me from myself, he rescued me from my loneliness. He's the first to really see me for who I am. To think he could die as a tool for something, I don't even think he believes in… it sounds like a fate worse than death.
"It's not sad, it's the way the world works." Itachi retorts.
"No it's not."
"Yes. Only with self sacrifice, can you make the changes necessary to give lasting peace."
"No, there has to be a better way." I mean, I don't know it, but this can't be how the world works.
"I've thought about it many times, there isn't."
"Well clearly you haven't thought about it enough."
"I assure you I have." He chuckles.
"Well you're just not thinking about it the right way. You're always so narrow minded-"
I'm cut off, "Narrow minded?"
"Yep. Narrow minded, you've never known me before. So you don't know everything I can do. I will make sure there is peace throughout the world. Believe it." I said with a grin.
I have no idea how, but now that's my goal. Itachi and I will make peace throughout the world, and no one is going to stop us. We will be an unstoppable force if we work together.
"Have you considered you might be simply living in your own world shaped by your own beliefs?"
"Once you question your own belief, it's over." I shrug it off, you need something to believe in. If you constantly question yourself, how could you be sure of yourself?
"Those who cannot acknowledge themselves, eventually fail." he starts to lecture me.
"I've never failed before, why start now?"
"Never?"
"Nope. Never. Infact, ya know, the only thing that can keep a fire from dying and give it more power, is wind." I parrot something I've heard many times before, before reaching out a hand to the Uchiha - the fan of Konoha.
Tugging at the end of the tendril i pull it through loop after loop before freeing it from its bond, FInally able to discard it away.
Itachi says, "Come on, I've got something I want to show you."
Looking around, the sun is setting as he walks me through more of the forest. The alpha seems to know where he's going, it's no that far of a walk. We finally made it to this huge lake. It seems to be at the perfect time. Oranges and reds from the setting sun blends perfectly over the tops of the forest line reflecting in the lake. The light basks over the two of us, bathing us in its warmth.
"It's so pretty!" I enjoy all of its wonder.
"I'm glad you like it."
Itachi starts to stare at me like he wants to say something.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked.
He closes the distance between us, cupping my cheek, before saying, "You're just so perfect."
Thumb strokes over my cheek before he kisses me on the forehead. I looked into his deep charcoal eyes, and smiled. The Alpha was so confident, I felt protected in his hold. I never want to leave this moment.
My smile was quickly overtaken by a passionate kiss. My heart is hammering out of my chest. He left me breathless by the end of it.
The remains of the setting sun dance its final hues of orange across his face, before closing the curtain welcoming the night.
"Now this is why I really brought you here." Itachi whispers out looking over the lake.
The buzzing of insects takes over the surrounding area announcing their presence. The fireflies have come out for their performance. They dance over the water mixing with the reflection of stars.
"Wow…"
Itachi held me closer, I enjoyed this peaceful moment for as long as I could. I know a lot about the Alpha, some of the little things even, but it still feels like he's a stranger to me. Neither one of us really talks about anything too deep. I mean, I guess we just met a few months ago, so it's not that big of a deal. We have our whole lives to get to know one another.
As the world darkens some more and the stars become more visible, "You know I love the stars?"
"I didn't."
"Yeah. You can travel the entire world if you know about them."
"When was the last time you traveled?"
"I don't know…" my headache from before is coming back, "but I want to. I've been trapped in that castle since the fourth expansion… I'm tired of it."
"You know that's for your safety."
"I know… but I'm so tired of it. I want to do something."
"The world is a lot more dangerous than you think. "
"I sleep in the same house as the most violent man in the world… I doubt the world has anything more dangerous than my father." I explained the very true reality I live in. Everyone says it's more dangerous outside the castle, when everyones afraid of my father.
"You might have a point there," the alpha quickly changes the subject, "You said since before the fourth expansion, what happened before that?"
I quickly say, "The Third Expansion."
Such a genuine laugh reverberates throughout Itachi's entire body. I've never heard him laugh so truly without anything holding him back. It was beautiful. Seeing him this relaxed is something I'm glad I'm able to have the privilege to see… if only he wasn't laughing at me.
"Hey! That's not funny."
"Yes it is." Itachi tried to regain his composure.
"No, it's not."
"I laughed, didn't I?" He's so fucking cocky, he's lucky I find that kinda hot.
"I guess" I shrug it off, before wondering "Hey, is it boring to be so good at everything?"
"Hm?"
"I always thought it would be incredibly boring to be the best at anything. So, like, is it?"
A plain and simple, "Sometimes."
"So that's why you act so disinterested in everything… It's just boring." I smile, "Well that's good."
"Hm?
"Oh well, the alternative is you're just an asshole. Being bored is better than being an asshole." I explained.
"You catch on pretty fast too." He rustles his hand through my hair like a kid.
We sat in silence for a while before Itachi asked, "Do you believe in fated mates?"
"I am a direct descendant of The Great Kitsune…" I trail off waiting for him to get it.
He doesn't reply.
So, "Of course I do."
"What would you say if I thought we were fated to have met?" he made fun of me for this earlier.
"Oh now you want to believe in fairy tales? Before you thought I was silly for it."
"I changed my mind."
"What changed your mind?"
"You." Itachi says the most classic romantic line ever… It's kinda cute when he says it though, at least it's not completely cringy.
I've always been told when you meet your fated mate everything around you just clicks into place. Nothing matters except being with them.
"Well I would say, it was not fate that we met, but our parents. They arranged for all of this to happen." I wave my hands in the air elaborating to everything.
"I thought you believed in fated mates."
"I do, but I also believe in the reality of the situation. The stars didn't align perfectly for us to be brought together, it was legal documents."
"So legal documents brought me to that forest that day?" A small smile crept onto his face, like he knew something I didn't.
"I guess not… I mean not really."
"Anyone else could have found you like tha-"
I cut him off, "-but they didn't."
"But they didn't. I did. I found you, crying alone in the forest. We could have missed each other completely. You're guards weren't that far behind me." Itachi explains.
"I guess that's true." Maybe there is a bit more than legal documents that brought us together.
"You know I couldn't stop thinking about you since I met you."
"Really?"
"Really." Itachi paused, "It was a little inconvenient actually. I had a mission shortly after, and I was concerned for your safety."
"Sorry."
"Don't be. You're in my life now."
It's time to start at another one, finding the next easiest one to break free from the wrappings. It just takes a few pulls and I'm able to figure it out.
I look around. I'm alone in the library with the raven haired Alpha from before.
It's painfully quiet in the library.
Uchiha Itachi doesn't say a single word to me. He just sits there watching me as if expecting me to speak first. Like he wants an explanation of what happened earlier.
I word-vomit out all of my thoughts, not knowing what he wants to hear, "I don't want a loveless union. My parents have that. I hate it. It's no way to live. I can't-"
"You should have warned me." He cut me off, sounding like he's gearing up for a lecture.
"I didn't know I was going to do it." It's how I always imagined I would do it.
I always wanted some big romantic gesture in the back of a party, so scandalous that it would leave people talking about it for years to come. Wanting it to rival any trashy romance novel that the Omegan book clubs decided to read. Over taking any of their attempts to discuss the characters in their stories, in favor of my own. I would stake my claim on an Alpha so publicly that everyone in the world would know that no one could ever take them away from me.
Now that I've done it… I realized it probably wasn't a good idea.
"At least you didn't reject it," He shrugs.
I laugh at the idea that I had a choice, "That would have been a little bit of a problem. I just wanted to tell the world I was in it for love… even if it wasn't really true. I know it's stupid."
"It's not." He pauses before saying, "So your goal is to love me?"
"I don't know… I didn't think that far ahead!"
"It's not a bad goal." the smallest smile graces upon his lips.
It's the first time I let myself really get a good look at him.
He's much bigger than me… I mean he's an Alpha, so duh. But he's like twice my size, I thought I was imagining it when we first met. I was on the ground and he was standing up. Of course he'd look bigger… but he really is bigger.
He's obviously older than me. I don't know how old he is, and I think it's rude to ask. I mean, he's going to be my mate, but I still don't know if it's 'proper.' I think he's like 10 years older than me. His face looks a bit prematurely aged with deep stress lines. It's like he's never had a day of rest in his life. The new found contentment in that smile looks unfamiliar.
His charcoal eyes, though tired, looked kind. There is a softness in them that you just can't fake. It looks at any second they could spark a flame of passion. I'm starting to like the way he looks at me. I usually feel like a sideshow attraction when people look at me, he looks at me like I'm something precious.
"If we can't love eachother, can you promise we won't end up hating each other?" I don't want to end up like my dad.
"Yeah. We won't hate each other." He wraps his arm loosely around my shoulder pulling me closer to him.
"Good." It feels nice as I relax into the warmth of his body.
He is going to be my mate, my Alpha. I mean, practically already are mates. I've had all but two conversations with this man, yet our future is already laid out before us. It's so intimidating to know exactly what is going to happen next.
In one year, the two of us are going to exchange marks that will permanently tie us to each other. I will be his property to do whatever he wants to. The mating ceremony will be so close to my heat, I will be expected to share those with him.
Uggh… He's so big and bulky, with our size differences I don't even know how that will work. I'll basically just be a rut toy for him. I don't want to think about that.
I'll be expected to have children soon after the ceremony too. The best thing an omega can be is pregnant. A pregnant omega was reviered by others almost as a mythological creature who needs to be pampered and doted on. That attention goes away when they actually have the kid.
Uggh… I'm going to have to have kids.
I really don't want to think about that.
He wakes me up from my thoughts, "So what happened the first day I met you?"
"You can't judge me." I don't want to talk about it, but it's better than thinking about kids.
"I can, but go on." cocky asshole.
"Fine. It was the day I found out I was engaged okay."
"The news of your engagement to me could make you break down like that." He teases me.
They always think it's about them, "It's not you, it's this. I don't get choices. I don't know what my days consist of. I didn't even get to meet you before I was just given to you. I was going from one life to another. It was just a lot okay."
"What about your clothes?"
"I don't get to choose them. I'm a boy, and they've been putting me in these women's clothes my whole life just because I'm an Omega. I was sick of wearing them. I ripped them up… you happy?"
He just looks at me with pity in his eyes now.
"You know in a year that could change."
"Huh?"
"In a little under a year you will be mine officially. You would not have to subject yourself to the rules of this house. At least not for the most part. We still would not have full control… you might still have to dress up for formal occasions. But every day..." Hearing him lay out the plan for the future relaxes me a bit.
"You mean it?" This has to be a test.
"Yeah." he whispered out almost as if he didn't believe it himself.
"So, um, after all that talk of trauma and sadness, what do we talk about.'' I don't want to think of the future right now.
"Hn, I don't know. The weather." He smirked.
"It was a hot one today. Probably the hottest all year." I jokingly complain, it was actually a nice temperature today.
After that we chat for a while about inconcoceal things and I learn he's not the worst person in the world. They definitely could have picked a worse Alpha. I was expecting some hulking controlling brute like my dad… At least Itachi is nice.
But he's really serious, like, really really serious. Itachi's whole job is being a military lap dog for my father. It's an important job, so I guess it's a good thing he takes it seriously. He could definitely learn to relax though.
Despite being good at his job, it doesn't seem like he likes it. He just does it because he doesn't have a choice in it. It's what his father did. It's what his father's father did. And so forth and so on for all of history. It's a path so well carved out by the people who came before that the idea that there was another way was unthinkable.
It's kinda nice to have someone to commiserate with.
I get the feeling he'd be unnaturally good at anything he tried. He obviously works hard, I'm not saying he doesn't, but it feels like he could be handed any task and do it perfectly. As long as he understands what his task is, there's nothing in this world he wouldn't be able to do.
I bet that's boring. Being good at everything, there's no challenge in that. I couldn't imagine starting something knowing I'll be good at it. Not only good at it, but the best at it.
His family life is mixed to say the best.
He loves his little brother a lot. It's nice to know he actually really seems to care about his family. It's promising for our future together. I would hate to start a family with a guy who already hated his own completely.
We get the signal that we have to join everyone else at dinner. I don't want to deal with the outcome of being late, so I rush to the door.
Before I can even put my hand on the knob, hulking arms wrap around my shoulders. My movement stops completely. His larger frame looms over me as I'm pulled back into this embrace. It's been a while since someone has held me, I can't even remember the last time. I guess I'm touch starved.
I'm going to have to get used to this.
My whole body goes limp finding support in this embrace. Muscles relax and stretch while I struggle against the overwhelming Omega urges coursing through my veins. His hand makes its way to my neck, trying to hide his interest in the spot that will bear his mark, he quickly ghosted down to my chest.
A moan betrays my lips.
Fuck, I didnt want that to happen. I bet I sound like a slut, Itachi doesn't seem to mind it. He leans closer to my neck, taking in everything he can at this moment.
"Let me know if you ever plan to do something like that again. I am your partner now and need to know what you're getting us into." he whispered this warning into the flesh of my neck.
Then, slowly, deliberately, the alpha kissed down my sensitive neck. Warmth exploding from each touch of his lips against my skin.
Itachi's chest rumbles with a possessive moan, before he gives me more weight. His larger body falls on to mine for support. I have no option but to give into his desperation.
I know he is just as lost as me.
He hasn't had anyone to support him either. I know this was planned, but it's luck we found eachother in this mess of a world. If I support him now, he will do the same for me later. We could be each other's life rafts.
My brain stops short circuiting long enough for me to register, "Pa… part.. Partner?"
I keep doing this, repeating it with each and every vine I find wrapped around a place it doesn't belong.
"Naru-chan, you know it's almost time for you to have a mate." My dad acts like I have a choice in the matter.
Even if I could decide my own fate… I don't know anyone, "Yeah. What about it?"
"Well normally you would be displayed for the season and you would be going around to all the parties-" I know this isn't an option, so I don't let myself get my hopes up, "However, it's too soon after the last expansion to trust having you out like that. So we've decided to pick your Mate for you."
"...Okay?" Just get on with it.
"We think it's about time that our clan finally merges with the Uchiha Clan."
"Kyuubi hates them…"
"He doesn't hate them," I just look at my dad not believing that, "Besides, they have a son who we believe would be a good match for you."
"What's he like?"
"He's a proper Uchiha Alpha. He'll be able to take care of you, the way you need it."
I have no idea what the fuck that means, "What happens after?"
"You will be a proper Omega then, Naruto." Was all my dad left me with.
Pulling and tugging them out from the roots, trying my best to keep the ground they are attached to as intact as possible.
5 Years Ago.
As an Alpha?
I sit on a plastic throne that could not stand the test of time. Already wobbly, with fracturing material that did not hold up under the pressure. A lenolim table rests beneath folded arms. So cheap and mass produced, I'm sure I could snap it in half if I laid any weight upon it too quickly.
The yellow beige walls almost seem like a personal attack of interior decorating. I'm not sure if they were always this yellow color, or if they were possibly white in years past. Covered by years of tobacco smoke and lost years fighting for a cause that didn't matter.
It's 2 am.
It's 8 hours into a 12 hour shift, and the incessant ticking of the clock is pissing me off with each stroke. It's been far too silent for far too long. If I have to hear silence for another fucking minute, I am going to explode.
I asked my alpha friend, "I'm just curious… in your professional opinion, as an Alpha, what more could I do to let Gaara know I like him?"
"You could try telling him."
I have never been more offended in my life, "No."
"Why not?" Killer Bee said as if he made a perfectly logical statement before.
"He's the Alpha, and I'm the Omega." I retorted.
"It's not like you care about tradition. Just ask him."
"I care about this one." I cross my arms over my chest, "He's the Alpha he should ask me."
If I ask him and he says no, that he doesn't like me like that. I don't know what I would do. I would probably die of embarrassment first. Die of sadness next. And my third and final death to prove a point.
Gaara is the best person I know. Some people say thats a low bar, but fuck them, he's amazing, he's always been amazing, and he's never not been amazing. Everyone still sees him as that blood thirsty kid. It's stupid. He was only like that for a little while and he didn't even really want to do it. It was all our parents and Shukaku.
Shukaku isn't all that bad either, but he is annoying.
My Alpha, because fuck you, that's what he is, he is the most amazing prison on this earth. He always wants to do the right thing. He's strong and smart. And he's not funny in the traditional sense, but in his own way. It was this perfectly dry humor that matched with his intelligence. Everything about him was perfect.
"That seems a bit presumptuous… don't cha think?"
"I don't think so… I've had Alphas threaten to go to war over me… and I can't get the one I actually-fucking-like to like me back." I continued.
"Threats are meaningless. It's all about action."
"Honestly, I think he'll do it."
"He looked like a pussy."
"He is, which is why I think he'll do it. Some Alpha's out there have a lot to prove, and not a lot of muscle behind it." I hold my pinky up in a joking manner.
"Ouch… Why do you hate Alpha's so much?" I don't know if he's actually offended by this or not.
"One. Because you all suck." I add on, "Two. Because I was supposed to be one. I mean I knew I wasn't, I don't feel like I am one. I don't actually want to be one, but I was supposed to be one. People are mad at me because I wasn't."
"Nar-"
I cut him off, "and Three. Because you all suck."
I don't want to talk about secondary gender issues. I want to talk about my specific issues with someone of the opposite secondary gender.
"All but me right?"
"All but Gaara." I know he doesn't like me and I don't like him like that, but I always make sure it's Gaara. I've literally talked other Alpha's ears off about Gaara for them to try to hit on me. I've never gotten the same vibes from Killer Bee, but you never know. He is my actual friend, so I add on, "You're okay too sometimes, but it's on a provisional basis."
"What are the provisions?"
"That you aren't dumb."
"Sorry, I can't do that," he jokes.
"Then I'm sorry, but we can't be friends."
"Well, as long as we aren't friends. Stop being a pussy and just tell him how you feel."
"I don't know… I was hoping at the party he would say something. I thought I made it obvious."
"Is that why you wanted me to meet him? You wanted him to be jealous." He accuses me.
"No, I actually really do think you two would make great friends. You should try talking to him more… I will warn you, he's really boring over letters. He gets a little too formal. He's much better in person though."
"Great sales pitch." He jokes, "You know, he thought I wanted to be with you."
"Gross." I hate the idea that I would be with anyone other than Gaara.
"I am offended. I think I'm amazing."
"You're okay. Be a hot redhead and maybe we'll talk." I joke.
"Little bit of hair dye is all it takes."
"He's a natural. I've seen the proof." I make an obscene gesture.
"Okay, didn't need to think of his dick."
"I did." A grin over takes my entire face.
"Get your mind out of the gutter."
"My mind's not in the gutter… It's on my dear friend Gaara."
"Besides his dick, what do you even see in him?"
"Jealous?"
"No. I've just never seen you put this much thought into one subject before. It's almost impressive. I want to know what this man did to make you rub your last two brain cells together."
"I know its stupid, but I feel like I was fated to have him in my life. When I am with him everything makes sense."
"Now who's being gross… 'Fated Mates?' next you're going to want to talk about one of those shitty little romance novels people like to read."
"Hey my Uncle made a lot of money off of those… People like what they like I guess." I shrug, the books suck, "But, yes, Fated Mates, what's wrong with that?"
"You think the stars are perfectly aligned for you two to meet."
"We're literally all vessels for the Tailed Beast, creatures that came from the stars, and you think it's crazy for me and Gaara to be fated?"
"You got me there."
"Yeah I do… I met Gaara and all the noise stopped and I knew I wanted him in my life forever."
"So you like him because he's convenient for you?"
"No. I like him because he's Gaara."
"You know, that doesn't mean shit to me right?"
"I mean, what do you want me to say?" I pause before saying what comes into my head, "We met when we were kids. We were best friends for years… he's still my best friend. I want him to be my best friend forever… and also fucking him sounds nice, too, he has a great dick."
Someone who I didn't bother learning their name said, "Can you guys stop this? It's inappropriate."
"You guys get to talk about how you want to have an Omega suck your dicks all fucking day, but the second I, an Omega says, 'I want to suck this particular Alpha's dick,' Your mad that no one talks about you that way, so you want me to shut up about it." I can't believe, "The double standards."
"We're working." He tries to justify like, he doest talk about the same shit.
"It's 2 AM. Nothing happened an hour ago. Nothing is going to happen an hour from now. So let me and my friend talk about something important."
"What's important is the mission." He tries to defend himself.
"We're coming up with a plan for an important mission. To help get a buddy dicked down. If you can think of anything more important than that, I'm all ears." Killer Bee has my back.
Except, "I don't come up with plans."
"What do you mean you don't come up with plans? We've ran many successful missions." He accuses me like I am lying to him or something.
"I didn't come up with those plans," I explained my go-to master plan, "I mean I have a plan, its 'Find Gaara: he will have a plan.'"
"That can't be your plan."
"It works every time." I say laughing.
"How?"
"I once came up with a plan, it took me so much time that I was almost too late… and my plan didn't work anyways. When I found Gaara, he had a plan in seconds, and it worked. From then on I just decided to go with that strategy." I use my hands to show movement to further elaborate my foolproof plan, "Find Gaara. He will have a plan."
"That's not a strategy." The nameless man said.
They just don't get it, "It works."
"You have to come up with your own plans sometimes."
"The moment it stops working, is the moment I'll stop doing it."
Killer Bee reminds me, "What about the Pain Assault?"
"My original plan was actually to murder Pain... and then we just started talking."
He just looks at me with a blank stare like he doesn't believe what I just said.
"What? He's not that bad of a guy. He was just a little miss understood." I pause, "We still talk sometimes. He works for my father, or whatever, now."
"That man killed people." The intruder of our conversation keeps talking.
"He brought them back."
Killer Bee looks at me bewildered when he says, "I feel like I could find a crocodile actively murdering a child and you would find a way to defend the beast."
"Shouldn't have been swimming in crocodile infested water. What did you expect, kid?"
My fellow jinchuriki says, "I hate you."
"You love me." I shoot him the best grin I have.
"Eh… you're entertaining sometimes."
"I'm the best person to ever have around. I don't just bring the party, I am the party." I joke.
"Like I said, entertaining."
Fuck, we got off topic again, "Ass hole, we were talking about something important. Gaara?"
"I mean, I still say tell him. How else is he supposed to know if you don't tell him?" I think all Alpha's really are just sutpid, it's the only thing that's adding up right now.
"How else is he supposed to know? I've shared at least a dozen of heat and ruts with him. I built a nest in his bed. The bed in his DEN, by the way. I put my clans pin on him at the party. The photo he keeps on his desk, in his den, of that night, I'm practically kissing his fucking cheek while he's wearing my symbol. I literally spend as much time with him as I can. When I do I'm all over him. And we've at least had 2 betrothal contracts written about us by our parents. So please tell me, Alpha, what more could I possibly do?" I lay my case before him.
Gaara should know I like him at this point.
"A dozen?" That's what he cares about...
"His are Summer & Winter. Mines Spring & Fall. Do math."
Instead of doing math, he just asked, "Are you sure you two aren't dating already and you just forgot?"
I changed my mind, that is actually the most offensive thing I've ever heard, "Yeah, because I would forget that I was dating Gaara."
All the black tendrils are gone, it's like I'm starting anew in a brand new house.
Nothing is in it, and it is my job to fill it.
8 Years Ago.
You're late.
An older man sneers down at me, anger cast in his black eyes, "You are the reason for all that destruction. You don't look like much now, but one day you'll be just like him. You'll destroy everything in your path."
"Well, you're in my path now… and I'm late." I do my best to shrug it off, Gaara's coming today and I don't want him to be alone for too long. Adults are just weird sometimes.
"Is that what you have to say to your elder, brat?"
"It's not like you were being nice either." rolling my eyes.
More and more people flood out of my fathers office. It will take forever for me to find him now and I'm definitely late. I don't even have an excuse this time. I wonder if he'll accept if I just say that I'm just bad at time management.
Red hair.
Uggh…
My father. I just want to get out of here. I push past the weird older guy into the crowd of people, hoping not to get noticed by my father.
"Were you pissing off the Uchiha?" Before I could answer, my father said, "Good job."
That was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I thought he'd give me a long lecture or something about respecting the clans. Responsibility this. Responsibility that. But I got away with it.
"Kyuubi!" My dad scolds, "Naruto, dear, the Uchiha are some of our greatest allies. They might not be the friendliest of people sometimes, but you have a responsibility as the next Hokage to maintain good and healthy relationships with our allies."
"He was an asshole first." I defend myself.
"Naruto!" My dad scolds me, before threatening me "If you can't be nice, we might not be able to let you see Gaara today."
"He's a person. Not a reward for doing something right… besides, aren't you the one just who said we had to maintain good and healthy relationships with our allies." I smirk using his own words against him.
"Minato, you know you can not keep them away from each other." Kyuubi's on my side now… Normally I'd hate that, but I'm getting what I want, so I guess I'll accept it.
"Yeah besides I'm already late seeing him… he's going to be so mad at me." I try to push my way out of this conversation to find my friend.
"You know, one day you're going to be The Kyuubi," my fathers words echoed in my head. "When you are, you need to be better than that."
I want to be the Hokage, not The Kyuubi.
The Kyuubi was a title my father wore proudly… probably because he made it up. It never existed before him. It didn't have traditional roles he had to follow, it could be whatever he wanted it to be. And he wanted to be an asshole with it. So obviously, I want nothing to do with it.
"I do my best at everything."
"It's not enough to do your best, you have to be your best." My father makes no fucking sense… There's no difference.
"I am... and more importantly I'm late, so gotta go," I try to weasel my way out of this conversation.
"You're not a child any more, Naruto." I can tell he's going to start on a really big thing if I don't leave now.
I don't look back, I don't care, I just push through, "Yeah I know... but I gotta go."
I am an adult when it's convenient for him. I am a child when it's not.
I became an adult at 11 when I presented as an Omega and the adults around me wanted to fuck me. Their gross desires to make my body their playground changed my life forever. Instead of having fun myself, I have the responsibility of thinking of a mate… thinking of the future.
I just want to have fun.
Fiery red hair in the distance sparks my interest right away. Everyone else looked monochrome in comparison to him. I always loved how he stood out against the crowd, it makes him so easy to find. No matter what, I could always find him.
There he is, it's been so long.
Gaara looks up at me with his teal eyes, a soft puff of air escapes his nose before he says, "You're late."
Present Day.
I look around this hospital room, "Nnnaa… it's so bright."
I have no idea how I got here. It feels like I just had the worst battle in my life. My muscles are strained and worn. I don't feel injured… but I wouldn't, I heal almost immediately. Don't I?
Staring into space for a minute, trying to string together any events that would bring me to this hospital room. It was one of the most frustrating moments of my life. I have memories, but they aren't in any particular order. They all flash before my eyes, bombarding me with intense altering emotions. I don't know if I should cry, scream, fight, or run.
I try to make sense of this universe. They all aren't completely bad. Some are nice even. Some are downright awful. Everything fades in and out of focus, I can't tell what's real and what's memories, until…
Red hair.
I asked the void, "...Gaara?"
A stupid smile of recgontion flashes across his face, before subduing its self.
Yeah. That's him.
This place looks vaguely familiar, "Am I in Suna?"
"Yeah." He sounds heart broken.
"That's good." At least I'm safe.
It was then with the fog mostly lifted, that I truly noticed Gaara's state. His teal eyes somehow seemed to be surrounded by an even harsher shadow accompanied by thick bags, as if he found a way to have even less sleep than usual. Once vibrant red hair was made dulled and greasy. In a similar state, the red jacket seemed more wrinkled than a usual day's wear. He clearly hasn't showered in awhile.
Gaara looked tired.
And, like, more than usual Gaara-level-tired.
His soul looked as if it was emptied one too many times with no chance of retrieve. I hate that I would have to be the one to empty it one more time. There is no amount of magic in this world that could bring me back. Nothing could re-make me into the image of the person I was before it was all taken away from me. Everything is different now.
With access to my memories, it just showed me that there was a greater divide in who I am now and who I've been. Gaara wants me to be who I used to be. I want to be here. I want to be here for him. It's just not possible.
I don't know who I am, but I know for a fact, "I'm not Naruto."
Gaara said, "That's okay," but I know it's not.
What's up demons? It's ya' boi.
Umm so this chapter originally was supposed to just be one chapter, but um, it ended up being over 55 pages so I decided to split it up into two.
So GaaNaru is my OTP, obviously, but I did use all of my "defending him in the group chat" energy for this chapter. Especially the Killer Bee scene. It just made it more fun. Also if you haven't figured it out... Gaara is a service top. That man radiates SIMP energy and I love him for it.
I hope you enjoyed seeing some more Itachi/Naruto as well. Because I re-wrote parts of some of the chapters at the beginning, I did just take some of the parts that were there and shove them here. I wanted the first couple of chapters to be completely Itachi's POV. Some are just previous scenes that were already Itachi's POV that I wanted to share Naruto's POV in. Some are also brand new entirely.
TigerzzTail. It's going to be fun watching Naruto grow into the person he's supposed to be.