"LUIZ"
The most serious story to ever grace the archive. Luiz is a being of pure evil and I shall document it here. Read on, dear reader, for if you can read this then that is good, as it means you are literate, and can see, and also are probably not dyslexic. Luiz, by the way, is responsible for 100% of illiteracy, blindness, dyslexia and chronic depression, as well as all cases of Mondayitis.
Enjoy or suffer.
20/10/2021
"HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE LUIZ SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR LUIZ AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT. HATE. HATE. HATE"
-AM, in regards to Luiz.
Luiz.
The evil slobbery bulldog.
Luiz.
Luiz.
His name is very evil just like him. Luiz sits, smiling wickedly as he drools slobber everywhere. Several poor innocent insects drown in his toxic saliva. A most terrible way to go.
Luiz thinks of a new evil plan and laughs like a maniac, as he is one, and he gets up. He assembles together a flying jetpack bomb thing, made using spare bits of high explosive, rocket fuel, internal combustion engines and other stuff that his mechanic owner just had lying around. With it complete, he sets it out.
It flies off and crashes into a plane. The plane no longer flies just like a bird. The rocket also does not fly just like a bird as it flies like a rocket. Everyone on board the plane dies to death when it crashes and explodes. Luiz laughs maniacally as his plan worked out.
''Muahahahahaha, eat spit, suckers!'', Luiz cries out in mockery.
The evil canine retreats back to his lair.
Suddenly, another idea pops into his evil head.
He assembles his latest invention of pure malice. He takes several car stereos, amps and other things, and sets this portable speaker. The thing is, that it plays the infamous "Brown note", a sound that is around 5-9Hz that's resonance causes bowel evacuation. In other words, it causes people to shit their pants.
He takes his device out, along with his trusty cloaking device. In a busy spot, he blasts his speaker. By the dozens, the poor people soil themselves. Mass hysteria ensues.
Even the birds are effected. Poor Blu, Jewel and their three children, Bia, Carla and Tiago, shit themselves. It went as followed.
Bia felt this sudden wave and this rumble inside her. She felt woozy. Suddenly, a big sloppy shit came out. Tiago laughed his head off, until he too, shat himself. Carla giggled to herself as older siblings do as they have a superiority complex, until she took a fat, greasy dump. Blu and Jewel fell victim next.
It was not pretty…
I hope…
Please don't tell me you like the sight of this.
Sheesh.
Anyways, Luiz retreats away to his lair.
Now, his most evil plan yet has been hatched.
He shall weaponize his slobber by constructing a device that perfectly replicates his evil slobber and produces it en mass in order to drown people in his toxic slobber.
He takes it to downtown Rio, and he wreaks havoc. Dozens of people are drowned in the wave of slobber. Some off themselves as they'd rather die from any other thing than in this revolting slobber flood.
Hundreds are drowned in the slobber. Luiz is laughing his head off as he is evil as all hell, until he realises that his device is working too well. His platform is eaten away by the corrosive toxic slobber, and he falls into the flood.
Luiz drowns in his slobber flood, along with the hundreds of people and animals he drowned with it. The world mourned the deaths and celebrated the death of the evil Luiz. At long last the world was rid of him.
Back down under, even below Australia, in the hot underworld of Hell, Luiz gets his soul judged. Minos looks down upon this despicable monster known as Luiz, and his face contorts with utter disgust and hatred.
''You sack of filth, you. I am disgusted by your very existence. You are a being of pure evil, you deserve nothing more than eternal damnation for it. You sicken me.'', Minos shouts in utter disgust and incredible loathement of Luiz.
Luiz is damned to be chewed by Satan for all eternity. He is so evil that he is damned to the centre of hell, where the air is frozen and the lakes of fire are mere ice. So far from God's light and warmth, where only the most wicked are sent. Luiz, of course, is so despicable that he is sent into the mouth that Judas Iscariot (the guy who did the big cringe of betraying Jesus. Smh my head) is located.
Luiz is pure evil. We all shall rest assured that he will be punished accordingly. He will be doomed to eternal damnation in Satan's mouth… That sounds, oddly sexual…
Wait…
NO.
ITS NOT SEXUAL. NO! LUIZ DESERVES NOTHING BUT HATE.
In conclusion: Luiz bad, Blu good.
The end.
That story was amazing and you know it is.
Don't ask why I wrote this. I just did, and I don't know why.
Until next time, goodbye.