Once upon a time there was a Vulcan. In honesty, to say that he was a Vulcan is only half true because he was only half Vulcan. His mother, you see, was human. Now this Vulcan served as first officer aboard the Starship Enterprise and as you may already know, his name was Spock.
Now the Enterprise was known for seeking out new life and new civilizations and in the case of this particular story, both are true.
It all started when Mr. Spock went to bed or, rather, when he woke up. You see, he went to bed in his quarters on the ship and woke up in a very different place. He was lying on a stone floor in a round room surrounded by straw and what appeared to be an ancient earth device known as a spinning wheel. There were no windows but several lit torches, placed high upon the walls, illuminated the entire chamber. On one side of the room there was a single wooden door.
Being that Vulcan's aren't apt to be emotional at all about anything Spock immediately set his mind to work on several important questions. Where was he? How did he get there? Why was he there? And how would he escape?
The first thing that he tried was the door. It was locked, as he had suspected, but to not at least try it would have been illogical. He turned away and was just beginning to admire the sturdy constructions of the walls when there was a loud click at the door. It opened and a young humanoid woman, flanked by two husky male guards stepped in.
"Good morning, Mr. Spock." She said.
"Greetings." Spock replied, clasping his hands behind his back.
The young lady stepped closer and began to inspect the man's ears. It was obvious that a Vulcan was not what she had expected to find in the room. When she had had her fill of the curiosity she turned her gaze to Spock's eyes.
"I am Verna." She said, trying to sound slightly seductive without being too obvious about it. Spock ignored the sordid display. He was more interested in learning all he could about his environment and his jailor.
"Aren't you curious about how I know who you are or why I brought you here?" She asked, still not fully understanding that the object of her flirting was completely uninterested in her.
"As a matter of fact," the Vulcan explained. "It had been on my mind. I assume you require me for some purpose."
Seeing that her feminine wiles were of no use the woman changed demeanor almost immediately to something more businesslike. "Yes," she explained, stepping back a few paces. "You see, I am but a poor lonely ruler here on this planet. There are other rulers far greater than me because of their tremendous wealth."
Spock stood still. "And you believe that somehow I can be assistance with this problem?"
"Why not?" Verna continued. "You're an alien; you must have certain special abilities that people on this planet do not possess." She began to pace back and forth from one side of the room to the next. "So when you're ship came through our galaxy we scanned it. Did you know that you are the smartest being on your ship? It should be a simple request for someone like you."
"Can I assume." Spock asked, ignoring the obvious attempt to play to his ego, "that if I complete whatever task you have for me, you will release me?"
"I'm afraid not." The young lady said with a small hint of joy. "I'll need you for many other tasks." She added, "I will compensate you in other ways, thbough. For one, you will have the honor of being my husband.
Spock raised an eyebrow. "As intriguing an offer as that is, I'm afraid that I must decline. I am needed aboard my ship."
Verna's face dropped into a serious scowl. "That is not possible." She said in an irritated tone and moved back toward the door. "Now, you must spin all of this straw into gold by the morning. If you can, then you shall marry me. If you fail, I'm afraid I'll have to kill you."
"Then I suggest you save time and kill me now." Spock reasoned, "Such a task is impossible."
The woman only answered with a shrug. Then she, and her entourage, stepped out of the room and slammed the door behind her.
The Vulcan began to pace began to pace back and forth around the room contemplating the fascinating yet bizarre situation. In addition to the questions that he had been considering already he now began to wonder how and why Verna had come to believe that one could spin straw into gold.
Being that he was on an alien world it occurred to him that perhaps straw and gold may have had different properties than other places in the universe. He thought of how useful a tricorder would be in answering such questions but as he did not have one handy he ignored the thought. Instead, he decided to make a thorough investigation of everything in the room as best as he could.
He had just begun to look over the spinning wheel when he heard a scuffling behind him. He turned around to see a short little man.
"Hello." The man said in a friendly voice.
Spock nodded. "Greetings." He replied. Then went back to what he was doing.
The little man walked up and tapped the Vulcan on the back, much in the way a child does when trying to get his parent's attention for one reason or another.
'Don't you want to know how I got in here?"
Again, Spock stopped what he was doing and turned to face his new cellmate. "Not really.' He explained. "You are here. How you got here is irrelevant."
"But what if I could get you out the same way?" The man asked.
"If it were you're intention to release me," Spock said, "you would have done so already. The fact that you have not done so indicates that you either cannot do it are that you are about to offer some sort of barter agreement where you exchange my freedom for some service or another."
The other smiled considerably at this. "You're a smart one." He observed. "Most people take a while to see what I'm getting at."
"And what is it that you propose?"
The little man made his way around his companion and picked up a small handful of straw. He then walked back over to the spinning wheel and in a matter of a few short minutes he had produced a few strands of gold. He handed them Spock.
"Fascinating" The Vulcan proclaimed as he took the gold and examined it. "Most impressive."
"That's nothing." The little man bragged. "I can do that every time"
"I see." The other answered. "You are willing to do this for me as a service in exchange for what?"
"This is the brilliant part." The man answered. He took a moment to shuffle his feet around, trying to think of the best way to offer up his deal. Finally, he decided on the direct approach. "I spin the straw into gold, you marry Verna and become a rich ruler on this planet and I take your place on the Enterprise."
Spock nodded thoughtfully at the proposal. "That is very intriguing" he said. "However, I'm afraid it is quite impossible."
"Oh?" The little man answered crossing his arms in front of him. "And why is that?"
"For two reasons." Spock explained. "First because even if I accepted your terms it would be up to Captain Kirk to appoint my successor and being that you are the one responsible for my disappearance, I do not believe he would simply allow you take my place. Furthermore, to become a Starfleet officer takes years of training from the academy on up. You would not be allowed to arbitrarily circumvent that system."
The little man began to grow a suspiciously devious grin on his face. He let out short "Hmmm" before making his point. "Supposing I can get around all of that. What is your second reason for thinking that my plan would not work?"
"Because I have no wish to marry Verna or stay on this planet."
The man's smirk continued to grow. "You don't have much of a choice." He explained. "She'll kill you if this straw isn't gold by morning. It's either take my offer or die."
"Then I choose death." Spock answered.
"That just sounds stupid." The little man reasoned in a sarcastic tone.
Spock shook his head. "On the contrary. If I were to accept your offer and remain here as a royal husband to Verna I would be violating Star Fleet's prime directive. Furthermore, to allow an alien species access to my ship, especially in a capacity that may put the lives of my crewmates in danger would also be unacceptable. Therefore, the only logical alternative I have at the moment is to die."
The man walked over to the spinning wheel and began to turn straw into gold. 'I'm going to do the job anyway." He said, stubbornly. Then you'll have no choice."
"As you wish." Spock conceded, stepping to one side and letting the other pass. "I wonder, however, why you don't tell Verna that you can spin her straw into gold. Would she not be pleased and let you merry her instead of me?"
"That's an old story." Said the other, now paying more attention to his work than the conversation. "A long time ago she was in the same situation you are in now. I tried to make a deal with her. Straw gold for her hand in marriage...and her first born child. Unfortunately, one of the stipulations I made was that if she found out my real name I would let her go. Somwhow she figured it out and now, she doesn't want anything to do with me."
"Really?" Spock said. "Since you are determined to force me into your plan I wonder if we could employ a similar condition to the agreement you have proposed here?"
The little man stopped his work momentarily. "So if you can't guess my name you will accept your fate and marry Verna?" He asked.
Spock nodded. "Of course."
"Very well then, the other answered. "But you only get three guesses."
"Acceptable." The Vulcan agreed. "Before I actually make a guess, however, I wish to ask an unrelated question if I may."
The little man resumed his spinning. "If you must."
"I only wish to know what planet I am on."
"It's the planet Muttergans, if you must know."
If it were in a Vulcan's nature to smile Mr. Spock would have done so right then. He ran through a quick list of planets that he had read about recently including Muttergans. It was one of the planets in the system that the Enterprise was passing through. Even though it was too primitive to have any meaningful contact with, Spock believed it was at least worth his time to familiarize himself with it. One never knows what can happen when one is aboard a starship or when one may need to know something.
Now that the name of the planet was revealed, Spock recalled the file in his mind and ran through the several names of native dwellers, landmarks, and cities that were listed. He then considered several variations on those names, keeping in mind that the man at the spinning wheel must have an unusual name, or he would not have made any sort of bargain with it.
Of course, this whole process was done within a matter of only a few minutes. Vulcan's are very good at that sort of thing, you know.
Presently, Mr. Spock moved to stand directly next to the little man and the spinning wheel. "I believe I have it," he announced, "I would guess that your name is Rumplestiltskin."
All at once the spinning wheel stopped. "How did…but that's…you must have cheated. How did you know?"
"It was a simple examination and analysis of this planet's culture and naming customs. It was not difficult."
Rumplestitlskin jumped away from the spinning wheel. "No! No! No!" He screamed and began to jump around as if he were a child having a tantrum. "It's not fair."
In the middle of the tirade a small bag came loose from the man's belt and fell open on the floor sending a small Star Fleet communicator bouncing across the stone floor. Spock picked it up. "Where did you get this." He asked.
The little man stopped his tantrum momentarily. That's how I was going to get onto your ship before you ruined everything!" He snapped
The Vulcan opened the top of the communicator and adjusted the frequency.
"Spock to Enterprise." He called.
"Enterprise here." A voice called back.
"Beam me up."
As the first officer of the Enterprise dissolved in a flurry of lights the little man was still huffing and puffing and throwing a tantrum on the floor. And all Mr. Spock could think of at the time, was "Fascinating."