You walk to your dorm in a semi-delirious haze. It barely feels real; everything seems far away and fake like a dream. Megumi is trailing behind you, and he keeps asking if you're alright, but you don't answer him. There aren't any words right now that you can find, only the growing pit of nothingness that's overtaking your mind into a numb lucidity. You hear your friend calling to you again, this time feeling the strength of him catching your wrist just as you are entering your room.
"Please... Don't isolate yourself right now. I understand you may need time alone... but please don't shut me out. I'll only worry about you."
It's so strange to hear him pleading with you. How very unlike him. Also he looked very nearly on the verge of tears. Why is he about to cry? His mother didn't just die. You haven't shed one tear yet, so why is he acting this way?
"I'm fine." You manage to say at last.
"Fine? You're... shell-shocked." He squeezes your hand tighter, gently guiding you back into the hallway.
"You can talk to us. You can talk to me. You aren't alone."
Now you laugh, a strange sound coming at a time like this, and yet it doesn't even sound forced, but light and casual.
"Fushiguro, thank you. You're very kind and thoughtful... but you see, I haven't had contact with my mother for a long time. You could even say that, in my own way, I've already mourned my loss."
He stares at you in disbelief, but releases his hold finally. "Are you sure?" He looks pained to be asking you again, so you force a tense smile.
"Yes! God! Don't stress over me like this. I mean, I know I've gotten myself into a bit of a pickle currently, what with being grounded and all-"
"It's alot more serious than that!" He interrupts. "You're being indefinitely detained under supervision. Under circumstances of subversion!"
"I know some of those words."
"It means you're basically BEING ARRESTED. They're not letting you leave grounds unless supervised by someone they trust enough. Someone who could-" He cuts himself off suddenly, but you have a feeling you know where he was going with that.
"Who could... 'handle me?'" You supplement. "As in dispose of me if they thought that needed to happen?"
He grimaces again, wincing at what you say. "I... I fucking can't lose you too. Not you and Yuji both. You're... Are you doing this on purpose? Do you even want to be here?" Tears slide down his cheeks, and he angrily wipes them away with his sleeve. This only confuses you further. Why is he crying? He barely knows you.
"What? Doing what on purpose?" Did he think you wanted to get kicked out? Well, they didn't actually hint that you would be expelled. Their solution for you could be much more permanent.
"No, answer me first. Do you want to be here?" He repeats.
You pause before answering him, weighing your conscience against your experiences. "I'm not sure. I mean, I like being with you and Itadori. It's just that... I can't trust anyone else here, can I?"
He takes both of your hands in his, only then do you realize that yours are freezing to the touch.
"You can always trust me. And Itadori too. No matter what, we're always going to be a team."
He doesn't kiss you this time, but he don't need to. His words mean so much to you than any kiss ever could.
"Thank you... I promise, I'll be fine. I think I should just... go be by myself for a while."
"I understand. Let us know if you need anything."
He allows you to pull away, though it's more reluctant for him than before. You're positive he's still standing there long after you close your door.
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Your room is so quiet. So, so very quiet. It's almost as if... someone is avoiding you. You bring your palm up where you can see it.
"Hey, Sukuna! Bring your ass out here. NOW." You command him with more anger than you've ever felt before.
Seconds drag by before his mouth appears. "Yes?" He asks. Whether he is feigning innocence or actually chagrined doesn't interest you in the least.
"I want to know what the fuck was going through your mind when you thought you could get away with destroying school property!?"
"I wasn't destroying it! I was saving it for later. There were lots of useful things in there. How else was I supposed to make sure we studied properly unless I kept the source?"
"Wait... So you still have the pages? Where are they?!"
"Where everything useful goes: my stomach."
"Ohh..." That's gross. He can definitely keep them now.
"If you'd like, I can pass on everything I've learned from it. That was my original plan. I'm just trying to ensure your success. That's all."
This guy is ridiculous. Breaking rules for your sake and making it out to be a thoughtful gesture put you in the position of feeling more exasperated than grateful.
"So did you want to learn some new techniques?"
"Maybe later. I've got a lot on my mind right now."
"I know," is all he says.
"I think... I want to just have some time to myself. Alright? Just... go wherever it is you go when you're not here."
"My dear, I'm always here. But I can busy myself productively if you need me to. Call me and I'll come to you. Remember?"
You do remember. It's the third rule of your contract. Though you hadn't realized before that he had meant it the other way around as well. That comforts you as the shape of your hand returns to normal. With that you're alone again.
Alone with your thoughts.
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Someone is whispering your name gently shaking your shoulder to wake you. Gradually you come to from your slumber, grumbling a complaint and rolling over to see who's in your room. You must've passed out at some point. It feels late, way past sunset. A mess of pink hair is just visable to you in the dark. Itadori.
"Uh, hey," You sit up, rubbing your eyes.
"What time is it?"
"It's just past 10. You, uh, slept through lunch so I brought some dinner for you." He sets a wrapped box on the floor next to you. "It's curry. I didn't know if you like it spicy, so I made it fairly mild."
"Thank you. I'll get to it here in a bit."
"You never seem to eat with us..."
"Sorry," You say awkwardly. "I guess my stomach's schedule is off. Not used to eating at specific times still. Plus, I wasn't sure if I was allowed to leave my room or not... Everyone is pretty mad at me."
"It's not your fault! It's Sukuna, he's the one who tore up those books, right?"
"I mean, I guess so, but I'm the one who-" You stop yourself. You had nearly said too much.
He sits quietly for all of thirty seconds before asking the inevitable,"So… how are you doing?"
Fushiguro probably spilled to him about what else was going on with you, but you'd rather skirt the worst unpleasantries for now. What good would addressing death do anyway? You don't have anything to cry about.
You blink, giving a little shrug,
"Good, thanks. And you?"
He looks wounded by your casual tone. There's no denying it. He knows. He clears his throat, and tries to sound like his usual cheerful self. "Well, I survived my food coma from last night, so that's good... uh, What else? Oh! It was fun, right? At the karaoke place?"
So he's deciding to play along, pretending nothing is wrong. Thank you, Itadori.
"Yeah, it sure was. I loved hearing you sing by the way. I think you were the crowd favorite."
Now he glows when he speaks,
"Not compared to you. Where did you learn to sing like that? Was that latin?"
"I used to sing in a choir. I was pretty good too. Actually I tried going for a more solo path. But that ended, so. I just focused on real world things, like getting a shitty job and living in a shitty apartment, you know?"
"Why did you stop singing?"
Damnit Yuji. We're not trying to get deep here, You think with minor annoyance.
"I just lost interest after a while," You lie, locking yourself back up.
"Well, how am I supposed to hear you sing again?" He pouts. He's adorable with his lower lip poking out.
"We'll have to ask Gojo sensei to take us to that restaurant again sometime."
He grimaces slightly, his gaze dropping to his lap. Oh, right. You aren't allowed to leave campus anymore. "Indefinitely detained" was how Megumi had put it. There probably wouldn't be any more outings for you for a while, whether they were missions or otherwise.
"I... heard that you're going out tomorrow," He says evenly, giving no indication for what reason you are leaving. He's testing you. Asking for your permission to address the elephant in the room.
"That's right. I guess... my family is all getting together for the first time in a while. There's probably going to be food and music. You know, usual family stuff."
You skirt the issue. It was enough already to have to face the truth tomorrow. Tonight can stay a dream for a little longer. You pray that Yuji will understand.
"That sounds... like it could be nice. Do you have a big family?"
He's playing along. Thank you, Itadori.
"I guess average? A couple siblings, a bunch of cousins. I have an aunt and an uncle in Paris, it would be amazing if they showed up. My mom's bitch sister will be there for sure." You smirk and give a small snorting laugh, granting him permission to smile with you.
He only falters for a second, but joins you, matching your emotions safely. It's a nervous response, he's still trying to clock your true feelings. But if you wish to keep them to yourself for now, he understands. Everyone has to grieve in their own way. The shadow play continues.
"I never had a big family personally. It was just me and my grandpa. That was before I came here. I wasn't close with either one of my parents actually."
"That must've been lonely for you," You offer.
"Well, my grandpa was a pretty entertaining guy. Really active too. We would go camping, or hiking, or fishing. Sometimes he would even call my school and lie about me being sick so I could join him for the day. He always made sure I was learning something or having fun."
He looks so happy talking about his family, even if it was only one person. There isn't a fleck of bitterness or disappointment at the absence of his mother and father. He must have had to become so strong being alone. And he checked on you tonight because he thought you were feeling alone.
Your hand finds his in the darkness, caressing the warmth of his fingers with your own.
"You're a lot of fun," You whisper awkwardly, not realizing how odd it sounds until you've said it. He doesn't point it out if he thinks so.
"Hey, you are, too. You're shy, but when you open up, you're really incredible." He says it like he means it, because you know he does.
"Kugisaki wanted me to ask you, can she do your makeup tomorrow? Since you're going around your family and all. Just... to make sure you look nice?"
He's talking about your face. Sukuna's markings would cause quite a commotion with your conservative family. They're very old fashioned about everything in fact. It would probably be a good idea.
"Okay, sure. You can tell her yes. To be honest, I didn't think she liked me."
"She's just got that tough country girl outer shell. She can be sweet too. In her own way," He adds the last part sounding less convinced about his words than you are. "She just doesn't like many people, I guess."
emphYeah, except Maki,/emph You think to yourself, cracking an involuntary mischievous grin. It's the first time you've smiled all day you realize.
"Hey, Yuji? I need a favor please."
"Anything, literally anything!"
"Can I... borrow a pair of pants from you for tomorrow? I don't want to wear my usual school uniform they stuck me in."
"Oh! Of course I can do that. I have a few extra pairs. I mean I hope they'll do?" He's blushing and nervously tugging at the red fabric of his hoodie.
Well, you did just ask to get into his pants. Now you were laughing at your own request. Of course you embarrassed him!
"I'm sorry," You giggle. "Was that a weird thing to ask?"
"I dont think so! I mean, the old saying goes a true friend would give you the shirt off their back, right? So that must include the pants off my ass too." He joins in, more than eager to laugh with you.
"Oh, I didn't mean literally like that!" You start to protest, but it's too late now. Seeing you laugh is motivation enough for Itadori to keep the joke going.
He rises up to his feet, starting to unbuckle his belt. "No, no, I insist. This is in the name of our friendship! These are our friendship pants now. Happy belated birthday!"
You cover your eyes with both hands, blushing and sputting as you roll onto your back, laughing much too hard to compose yourself anymore.
"OH MY GOD! YOU'RE CRAZY!" You squeal when he tosses his pants onto you.
They're still warm.
You inhale sharply, still hiding behind your hands, too shocked to look at him. What are you supposed to say to him now?
You manage a tiny peek between two fingers. Itadori is grinning like a madman, and his face is bright pink. They match his boxers. Slowly you put your hands down.
He crosses his legs and twiddles his fingers absently in his lap. The embarrassment is clearly beginning to settle in for him. Oh, no...
Then that gives you an idea.
Your fingers find the zipper on the side of your skirt, pulling it down slowly. It's suddenly the loudest sound in the room. Yuji's sheepish grin vanishes, replaced by surprise. He doesn't say anything. He waits to see if you are going to continue.
So you do.
You stand up, holding the side of your skirt with one hand. There's an audible sigh from him when you let it fall and hit the floor. His hand comes up absently, concealing his mouth that still hung open. His eyes are enormous and slowly they're pulled down the expanse of your body, taking all of you in. You're almost positive you see him gulp.
"You're so beautiful," He whispers at last.
"So are you," You return his compliment and pick up the pants he had given you, suddenly feeling awkward from your own actions. You step into them, you find they're nearly a perfect fit.
"Thank you again."
"Anytime," he says with a dreamy look lingering on his face.
.
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You prop open your bedroom door waiting for Kugisaki to stop by. You've been dressed for hours because you didn't sleep. Ryomen is still in respite somewhere in the caverns of your mind. You had thought that some time alone from him would make you feel better. It didn't. You only missed him. But today would be better if he stayed in the back of your mind instead. You were nearly jealous of him for that.
It isn't long before the sound of a door opening across the hall signals that Kugisaki's awake and on her way over.
"Cool if I come in?" She announces, already sounding like a less harsh version of herself. You don't even wonder why. It's amazing how people treat you when they pity you. There's no way she would ever ask to do a favor like this for you otherwise.
"Yeah, I'm ready. Thanks again for your help. I know my Aunt Tami would never shut up if she saw me like this. She's the type to stop a stranger on the street just for a good bit of gossip."
"Well, let's make sure that doesn't happen. At least not in regards to your new look. I'm sure there's gonna be other things you'd rather be focused on today, so let's re-normify that face."
She plops a makeup bag onto your bed, unzipping it and rifling through for her necessary tools. She moves like a professional, organizing various tubes and bottles of primer and concealer.
"You're in luck, Maki has this amazing pigment matching brand and agreed to let me use it for you. This way we don't use the wrong color on your face. What's that look for?"
You try to remain stonefaced, but you had cracked slightly when she mentioned the other girl's name.
"Nothing. It's just... I'm nervous."
"We'll don't be, you're in good hands."
She begins the painstakingly long process of highlighting each of the jaged black lines adorning your forehead, nose, cheeks and chin. She works silently, the pat-pat-pat of the blending sponge tapping away on her project. After a moment you begin to feel as if she may have forgotten you're a live person and not a canvas, as she corrects a smudge with the pad of her bare thumb. She's sitting fairly close, too. Her knees are pressing into yours now and she is still leaning in with hyperfixation. Her proximity is nearly smothering actually. You recoil back, then with a hasty apology try to reposition yourself with slightly more distance between the two of you. She sews this gap shut as well within minutes, forcing you to breathlessly squirm backwards again. She sighs with exasperation.
"This will take longer if you don't sit still."
"I know. I'm sorry. It's just the weird having someone touch my face like that."
"What, you've never had someone touch your face? Your family not big on physical affection?" She looked like she regretted her choice of words immediately. Her curiosity had dipped too heavily into her snark. She probably does care about your answer though. So you tell the truth.
"I wasn't allowed to touch my mom's face. I don't even think I've seen photos of her holding me."
Nobara looks concerned, and also surprised. "Really? That's gotta be pretty damaging for a kid..." Again, learn to keep your thoughts to yourself, Nobara. She continues her work, letting you talk to distract from her touch.
"I mean, it's whatever. It's fine, but... I guess it's not."
"Doesn't sound like you lost much, kinda defeats the purpose of me being nice to you right now, huh?" She smirks, arching an eyebrow. Is she... joking with you?
"Are... you close with your family?"
"Oh, no thank you. I don't talk about that anymore." She taps her powder brush and glides it over your skin, sealing the foundation.
What a good response, You think. I'll have to use that.
"By the way, they wanted me to tell you Kento Nanami is gonna escort you off grounds today."
"Who's that?" You ask, already knowing who the 'they' is that she must mean.
"One of the other teachers they have here. Older than Gojo I'd have to say. A nice guy, but very no-nonsense."
Is she warning you?
"I see... Guess they don't trust Gojo to look out for me anymore?"
"Mmmm. It's more like... they know he wouldn't be your best match in a funeral setting surrounded by grieving family. They're sending someone more adult for the occasion." She clucks her makeup case shut triumphantly.
"Voila. You look very, very normal. I have outdone myself. Wanna see?" She offers you her hand mirror. True to her word, every trace of Sukuna's features had been concealed. Minus the additional eye slits that sat sleepily closed. One peeks open at your reflection.
"Bah! You looked better before." Ryomen comments, still insulted at having his appearance censored.
When Nobara exits, you hear her greet someone in the hall.
"They're ready for you. Have a nice time at a stranger's funeral."
That must be Kento Nanami. You meet him at your doorway, nearly colliding with him as he attempts to enter.
He has a naturally intense face, and his eyes are obscured by a pair of gold rimmed glasses with dark green lenses. His suit is tailored perfectly and of course a respectable shade of black for the somberness of today's occasion.
"Good morning. My name is Kento Nanami. Nice to meet you, though I do apologize it must be under such circumstances as these. I will be escorting you today," He takes in your appearance briefly, his eyes not lingering one second longer than normal on your face, but instead he does raise an eyebrow at your uniform.
"You're comfortable in that for the service?" He asks.
Shrugging, you mutter, "It's the darkest thing I own currently. I don't have anything in black. Besides, at least I look like I'm doing something with my life if I show up dressed like a student." This satisfies him enough.
"I've heard alot about you." He comments, making your stomach clench in a knot.
"From... Headmaster Masamichi?"
"Actually, it was Satoru Gojo. He says you have a unique talent for reversing soul mutations. That's very impressive." He offers the slightest hint at a smile.
"Oh, right. I guess that's me."
So Gojo is still hyping you up to his peers. Something about that thought gives your heart a painful twinge. Is he trying to salvage your crumbling reputation? Or maybe he actually thinks you're worth talking about.
"Shall we?" He gestures for you to lead the way. Just as you are passing Itadori's doorway, it swings open and your friend stumbles out in a hurry.
"Oh! Good I didn't miss you yet. Here!" He thrusts his arm forward and offers you a bouquet of three white roses. They look handpicked, and tied with a neat white ribbon.
"They're beautiful! Thank you so much, Yuji!" Without a second thought, you throw your arms around his neck and give him a big kiss on his cheek.
He flushes immediately and awkwardly hugs you back. "Umm, they're uh... for the service actually. Sorry." He sputters with embarassment.
"Oh, well, they're still thoughtful. Thank you."
"We have a tight schedule, we need to go," Nanami reminds you.
"Yeah. Bye, Itadori. I'll be back soon."
Dammit. It figures, a nice boy gives you flowers and they're for a freaking funeral. One you don't even particularly want to go to. But if this is the only chance you'll get to leave campus for a while, you figured you might as well go. Even though the dread of seeing your family is making your stomach feel heavy and sick. From behind you, he calls your name softly as you depart,
"I'll be here waiting for you," He promises.
Once in the car, you buckle in and fiddle aimlessly with the roses Yuji had given you.
"Would you like the radio on?" Nanami offers. "It's a bit of a drive we have to make."
You stare absently out the window.
"Whatever. It doesn't matter to me."
There's a click, then the light fuzz of static clarified to a station signal. It was a familiar political talk show you hadn't listened to in a very long time.
"I changed my mind. Turn it off."
There's another click.
"So what should we discuss to pass the time?" He offers.
You keep your eyes trained out the window, "I don't know. What should someone talk about when their mom dies?"
"I wouldn't know. I'm still fortunate enough to have mine. Though she is getting on in her years, so this has to be a plan for myself as well. I suppose I should thank you for this experience in a way."
"Uhh... you're welcome, Nanami-san."
"Just Nanami will do. Though, for today only, I'll be introducing myself as your teacher if needed. I will try not to insert myself at all in any case if it can be avoided. Mourning rights go to the family of the departed, and I don't want my presence there to affect anyone today."
"Right," You agree absently. "You're just here to kill me if Sukuna acts up right?"
There's a stunned silence before he can reply, "Is that what you really think? Then I'm getting awfully personal with my target if that's the case." It must take a lot to rattle him, because he sounds more amused than upset.
"My targets wouldn't get the benefit of my camaraderie. I'm merely here as your chauffeur. Of if a situation you can't handle on your own arises, I'll help with that. You can rest easier now, I hope."
It does make you feel a bit better. This guy seems like he's friendly. But again, you can't help wondering if that's how he truly would act if you weren't on your way to such a somber event.
You dont talk after that. There's too much you'd rather ignore. The droning sound of the road beneath the tires lulls you into a fitful sleep eventually. The only rest you've been able to get in the last 24 hours.
The screeching of the car's breaks and the light bounce indicating a dip in the pavement jostles you awake. You stretch and start to rub your eyes, but a strong hand catches your wrist before you can. You groggily give your chauffeur a puzzled look.
"Hmm?"
"Try not to touch your face," He reminds you.
"What? Oh, right… the makeup." It's been a while since you've worn any. There's going to be plenty of reason for your family to pick you apart today. They don't need your facial "tattoos" as a firestarter. At least you don't have to worry about it ruining if you cry. Your emotions were vaulted. And that vault was welded shut. And that welded shut vault you had chucked into the metaphorical sea of "fuck that."
Today is going to be about enjoying one last day of freedom before you're a pseudo-prisoner to your dorm room for who knows how long. You swing your legs out of the car and shut the door after you. Then quickly reopen it when Nanami reminds you to get your flowers. You can't help feeling more besmirched with each passing second by them.
It's okay, you tell yourself as your feet pound the pavement up the sidewalk. You can do this. It's just for a few hours. Nanami holds the door open for you, the pressing weight of dread growing exponentially when you see people inside turn to see who's coming in. Your Aunt Tami greets you first.
"Well, look who finally decided to join us!".
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To be continued