She curled into herself as if she could make herself smaller and shield herself from the burden on her chest, from the eyes that were watching her as Ladybug, always expecting her to save the day.
Sometimes it just got too much. The battles, the Akumas, the attention.
Marinette was- she wasn't Ladybug all the time. She couldn't be the hero for everyone, the one to make everything right at the perfect moment. Sometimes she just wanted to cry and sob and close herself off from the world.
In mids of her thoughts she felt slight pressure on her own hand. Without even looking up, Marinette guessed who it was already. There was no one else here.
"Tikki... Just not today. I don't feel comfortable talking about it."
"Marinette..."
"Please, Tikki, I just want to have this moment for myself."
The touch lingered for a moment longer but then it was gone.
Marinette let out a sigh of relief.
She was allowed to feel this way. It just wasn't possible to endure everything with a perfectly sound mind all the time and if sulking and doubting herself for even a while were the result of that, she would easily accept that.
Being Ladybug had changed a lot about herself. She was far more confident than before but also so much more painfully aware of her actions which were shown to her through trial and error everytime she messed up something. Everytime she felt more emotional and let her heart ruin the path her head had already thought out.
(She couldn't count on one hand how many times people were akumatized because of her but she was aware that she could not live without hurting anyone. That was the way of life and the Papillon just took advantage of that.)
It just got her sometimes how much responsibility rested upon her shoulders, making her feel so young and dumb. Any negative emotion could be exploited by the Papillon.
She had asked Tikki what would happen to her if she felt far too much despair, but the kwami had been unsure herself.
"Having me makes you far more resilient towards the Papillons powers, but I can't promise you, that he can't take you over. But you would have to be-"
Tikki hadn't finished her sentence Marinette could guess what she meant. What a gruesome end. Felled by her own bitter feelings and enslaved towards the Papillon. She had smiled humorlessly at Tikki.
She breathed out a deep sigh. Letting all the negativ emotions bleed out and trying to lighten the load on her chest.
"Marinette, I'm sorry, but Chat is calling..."
Right. No time to dwell on everything. She had a city to save and a cat relying on her.
Just something I had on my mind