I've always had him on my mind and in my daydreams. It didn't matter, as he consumed my thoughts day and night. There was no escaping him. Even though I moved to a new country, it wouldn't stop. My heart only burned with missing him and my loved ones; the homesickness was too intense. When I had finally moved back to town to visit my friends and family. It was there, on a Tuesday afternoon, at Pop's diner, I saw him. Jughead Jones, the love of my life.

Even though things hadn't worked out between us. Feelings came raging in my heart at the sight of him. He's grown, with his five o'clock shadow, messy dark locks, and elegant, well-kept clothes. He didn't dress like a misunderstood punk boy anymore. Only exemplifying that everything I knew about him was past-tense. I couldn't handle it; I had to avoid him. He noticed me, and he approached me, but again I refused to face him - not now, never.

I was mentally running away in my mind. But walking away from him in reality. He was behind me, his gruff voice trying to speak. But I didn't - refused to let him utter a single sentence in fear of what'd it be. What questions did he plan to ask? And how many answers would he'd want from me?

I knew nothing! And that alone terrified me. Left me paralyzed and unable to handle the slightest provocation. Pair that with having to confront him - to stand under his crystallized gaze. Stare into his soul... and that was the final nail in the coffin. That stole my spirit from me, and why I never confronted the man that robbed me of my heart. The only man I've loved - will ever love.

I glossed over my phone, checking for any new messages - there was none. Useless to me now, I chuck my pretty pink-styled plastic-in-cased phone towards the bed. It flies, doing a slight bounce before gravity did its thing. I stood there, glaring at the phone. Willing it to give me answers, for it to be my magic-eight ball. For it to provide me with some form of advice. I will take anything! Like the object it was - it lay there where I had thrown it moments before.

"I shouldn't have come."

In a flurry of motion, I toss myself like I had my phone onto my bed. My hands go to my face, massaging the building tension. To provide some relief - but my head continued with its throbbing like a train to its destination. I sigh; the stress of everything was getting to me. A part of me wanted to turn around and leave. Head back to France. It was just, ugh!?

I sat on my bed thinking, when did things get so complicated? Once upon a time, Riverdale was home; It was safe here; I was happy here. But now, being here was the opposite!? As much as I love seeing my hometown - I'm starting to think it wasn't such a good idea to come back here. This place brings back nostalgia - pleasant and terrible.

"I left for a reason! I wanted to start over. Is this a step back? Am I moving backward?" I mutter.

I let my indecisiveness reign. My thoughts were, yet, interrupted as my ringtone was going off. My hands auto-piloted to my phone. I wasn't enthusiastic about answering the phone. Until I read the name on the caller id, it was Veronica. I move my thumb to play the quickest game of connecting the dots, inputting my set passcode. Then sliding the little green bubble across the screen. Watching as the numbers started counting when the line connected - I hold the phone to my ear.

"Hey, Veronica, what's up?"

I wait a few minutes for her response. She was flirting with Archie. The giggles, the nicknames, the sugar-glazed sweetness were sickly. But, I was happy that one of my favorite couples was still going strong. She stops her flirty behavior and turns to me, almost as if she forgot I existed. And in that short time frame, she had, her eyes being for Archie. My eyes roll, a slight pain coming to my heart. I swallow the lump that formed in my throat, rinsing the images and thoughts from my mind of me with Jughead. Bringing myself back into the present.

"Sorry Betty, I was calling to ask if you were still coming to the baby shower. I understand if you can't make it... but I would love to have you, as would Archie. Right, Archiekins." The phone shifts to Archie at the end.

"Yeah, Betty - the party will not be as lively without you," Archie says.

A shameful, guilty throbbing enters my chest. Not that I didn't want to join my friends in celebrating their first child together. It was the fact Jughead was attending. In that controlled space of a baby shower, what was Jughead plotting to do? What is he capable of now - what are his limits, where are his boundaries?

Even if he doesn't pull me off to the side somewhere private, cornering me to spill my beans. What about after? He's been trying to speak to me the moment he's known that I was in Riverdale. I'm not mentally prepared for it - but I can't run from him forever... can I? No. As long as I'm here - in this town. I won't avoid him for long... and a part doesn't want to... I love him - but does he still love me?

"Betty, please?" Veronica whines; I picture her pouty lips pinched together and matched with a pair of puppy dog eyes.

"I'm still coming, don't worry," the joy surge in their voices with their reply.

"Excellent! I can't wait for the big reveal - this party was hard to plan; I wanted it to be as gender-neutral as possible. But every time I picked a theme, it'd appeared gendered - anyway. I'm glad you're coming. Thank you, Betty. "

"I can't wait too. There's still the bet with Archie. I'm telling you, it's a girl!" I say. A smile on my face.

"Are you sure about that? Going by the old saying - by that logic, it's a boy." Archie says from the background. Even from here, I imagine he has a teasing smirk on his face. I have another bet that he's so confident he's right. Well, we'll be getting the outcome tomorrow - when I attend the party.

"We'll see about that on Friday," I announce back, as a slight chuckle leaves my conversation between Veronica and me, with occasional input from Archie. Lasted for hours, slowing at around 10 pm. At 11, I bid them goodnight if I wanted to function tomorrow - I had work after all.

After a shower and brushing my teeth, I returned from the bathroom and made a beeline for my bed. I got comfortable in my sheets, turned on some sleep music, and closed my eyes.

I expected to fall asleep. I was drowsy, and my eyes were like heavy rocks. My body was sore and riddled with exhaustion. My mind was still wanting to run a marathon. I turned onto my side, an air of frustration leaves my lips. I open my eyes and look at the roof. I let my mind wander the open field of my thoughts, letting it go to anything it wanted. Visit the irises of hopes and ideals, the violets of daydreams, the aconites of regrets...

My mind landed on the biggest regret of my life. This mistake was still was causing worry and pain to this day. What is going to happen? Could happen? What about afterward? I can't face him. A pool of water soaks my pillow, and I definitely haven't been drooling. I sit up. My room was too stuffy. I needed a breather, and so I headed to the porch to breathe in the refreshing air of the outdoors. Coming back inside, I went to lie down, hoping and praying that everything would go alright.