Butters stepped into the Sloppy Seconds thrift store, the bell chiming as he passed the threshold, it had started to become almost a weekly tradition for him. Friday was when the new donations would be put out and he'd wander the medium sized store looking at everything that had been donated. Butters had never bought anything donated but would always buy one of the dollar candies at the counter, feeling he'd wasted the store's time with his window shopping. Walking along the back wall, fingers skimming over the clothing racks, Butters stopped when his fingers brushed over a soft, seafoam green skirt. Pulling the skirt out carefully, making sure it stayed hooked to the rack, Butters took in the design. It was a simple three layered ruffled skirt with a yellow bow on the first ruffle layer, off center of the middle and it was free of stains. Rubbing the soft material between his fingers Butters sighed, he wanted it, really, really wanted it. Of course he could never have it, people already thought he was weird. What would they think if they found out he'd bought a skirt and it wasn't for his mom or a girl? Worst of all, what would his father do? Butters father had only gotten more volatile over the years and it seemed Butters had to tiptoe on eggshells around the man or face whatever punishment he decided to dole out. His father could never find out Butters came to look at girl clothes and he definitely couldn't find out he desperately wanted to try them on.
Butters wasn't really sure when his want or need to wear girl clothes started, he'd always liked cute, soft things even as a child. He'd had an abundance of costumes that he'd picked for halloween. The only time his parents didn't question why he wanted a fairy princess costume or the year he wanted to be a really cute squirrel. He remembers the first time he'd really talked to Stan Marsh, it was at Mr. Mackey's meteor shower party where he'd been with Stan, Pip and Dougie. It was one of the first times he'd dressed in girls' clothing, when they played Charlie's Angels to escape the basement. Butters remembered the light blue blouse smelled of mothballs and slight mildew but had been pretty and felt like silk, having to leave it had made him a little sad even. As he became closer friends with the other boys they picked on him constantly and when he would bring it up the adults would tell him to just 'man up and stop being a little girl' as if that were an insult. Then the day came when Eric gathered them all up and told them that the girls had a device to see the future, looking back it was a ridiculous claim but they were only nine and ten.
The boys all decided that one of them would have to infiltrate Heidi's sleepover dressed as a girl and they all had picked Butters. He'd weakly argued the idea but secretly thought it would be fun and he'd get to dress in girly clothes again, finally the boys won. Butters had gone to the party and the start was rough. The girls were mean and snarky, calling him names, calling him weird. It had all piled up and he'd locked himself in Heidi's bathroom and cried, because what if they were right, what if he was weird, what if something was wrong with him? He'd been told over and over that boys didn't like girly things. Finally the girls' apologies and gentle coaxing lured Butters from the bathroom and the girls had surprised him with a makeover. To say Butters was excited would have been an understatement, he'd felt ready to burst as the girls applied makeup and did his hair then painted his nail and pushed him in front of the full length mirror in the corner. Butters remembered that he'd never felt as happy about himself as he did looking at the reflection staring back at him. In the star and moon print pajama set and pink bunny slippers, the itchy blond wig the boys had pinned to his head and the faceful of flattering makeup, Butters had felt right. The rest of the night had been fun. They showed Butters how to do nails, they talked about makeup, celebrities, clothes and boys. The girls had gushed and squealed about the boys they thought were cute at school and when they turned to Butters for his answer he'd tried telling them there was no one. All the boys at school were mean to him, they said mean things and always got him into trouble, the only one who wasn't a complete jerk was someone the girls would mock him for. Finally after the girls prodding and promises that they wouldn't say anything to the boy or pick on him about who it was Butters pulled his knees to his chest as he stuttered out: Kenny McCormick.
The short silence that followed his words had chilled him to the bone and he'd shifted to get up and run before Bebe wrapped her arm around Butters and nodded solemnly. The girls added reasons to the list they had made as to why Kenny was at least in the top six on that list. As the night wore on Butters had forgotten about his mission, until Bebe pulled the cootie catcher out and asked if they wanted to play. A few rounds into the game Heidi's father shouted about a boy being at the party, panic had rushed through Butters at being found out, about being made fun of. He'd lunged forwards grabbing the paper device from Bebe and bolted up the stairs and out the front door and down the street only stopping when he felt the distance was safe. The boys had caught up and Eric had berated him for being too slow and having too much fun with the 'stupid ass girls' before they'd left him standing alone. Yanking the wig off he'd lifted it to throw it to the ground but paused before gripping it tighter and going home, he'd gotten grounded for two weeks for being out too late.
The slumber party had sparked something in Butters and he'd started to pay closer attention to the girls and the things they wore. Something close to jealousy would bubble up when one of the girls would wear something Butters particularly liked: the green butterfly barrettes Annie had or the pink and lime green sweater Red wore. Wendy's new black and red purse and Bebe's new really cute lavender shoes with the daisy stitched on the side. He'd asked Bebe where she'd gotten them and she told him without hesitation because it so happened that after school that day his parents were taking him to buy new shoes. The day dragged on but Butters was happy despite the teasing and school work because he would get those shoes.
Reaching the mall Butters nearly skipped to the shoe store looking the store over he'd found them, grabbing them off the wall display his thumb ran over the stitching of the flower. He turned to his parents, holding up the shoe and asking for them. His fathers face went red before snatching the shoe from Butters and slamming it down on the display. Slapping Butters on the back of the head before dragging him to the boy's shoe section, telling him he was a boy and would get shoes for a boy. His father picked out the same black shoes as always and they went home, Butters got sent to his room to 'think about what he did at the mall' it was after that day he kept his desire and love for girly things to himself. Even now at almost seventeen he hid it, he'd had to fake an interest in girls and even forced himself to date a transfer student from Canada once.
"Yo, earth to Leo ya' in there?" Snapping fingers and a semi loud voice startled him.
Yelping Butters jerked back his movements making the metal hanger rattle as the skirt came off the rack as it fell to the worn carpet. Crouching down to grab the skirt Butters stood back up and looked at who'd scared him.
"Didn't mean to scare you, space ranger." Kenny chuckled.
"He-hey Ken, you didn't scare me none." Butters said, wringing the soft skirt in his hands.
"Uh huh, that yelp was just you bein' happy to see me then?" The other blond asked with a smirk.
"Well, maybe ya' scared me just a little." Butters shifted. "So what are you doing here Ken?"
"Just got paid and Karen said something last week about wanting a butterfly purse she'd seen here." Kenny said with a shrug.
Finally Butters noticed how dirty the other teen was. His shirt and jeans were covered in smeared grease and dirt and he even had grease in his hair. Butters had forgot that Kenny had a job at the mechanic shop near the edge of town, he must have just gotten off.
"That's real nice of ya' Ken buying your sister somethin'."
Kenny shrugged. "You know how it is we don't have much so I like to get Karen things that she wants when I can."
Butters smiled a little at Kenny's words, he seemed rough around the edges and closed off to most people but the one thing anyone who knew Kenny could say was that he loved his little sister and would give her anything she wanted if he was able to.
"So what about you Leo, you here buying something, you getting that?" Kenny's words had Butters heart lodge in his throat.
"O-oh this no, nope, uh uh I just wanted to feel the, uh, material." Butters said cramming the skirt back on the rack.
"I mean you were looking at it when I came in so I just thought." Kenny said with a shrug.
"Pshhh, why would I want a skirt Ken, I'm a boy, boys don't wear skirts." Butters laughed nervously, taking a step back.
"Look, Leo it's-"
Butters cut him off. "It's getting late Ken gotta go fore my dad gets sore at me for being late, bye." Without waiting for the other to answer, Butters turned, nearly knocking over a mannequin as he made his way quickly to the door.
Once out on the sidewalk Butters power walked down the street not wanting to run because that would draw attention. As he walked he started to panic, Kenny saw him looking at the skirt, rubbing the material between his fingers. What if he told the fellas? Kenny seemed to tell Stan and Kyle everything then Eric always seemed to find out. If Eric found out he'd blackmail Butters or just straight out tell on him and then his parents would find out and he didn't want that. Butters had to stop at the crosswalk to wait for the light and heard Kenny shouting for him. The light changed and he jogged across the street. He didn't want to hear what Kenny had to say, didn't want to hear the accusations from him. From the only person who wasn't always mean to him, the person who'd gone with him to Hawaii when they were ten and helped him. Butters didn't want to know that Kenny thought he was a freak and didn't want to hear the jabs and cruel words.
His hoodie pulled tight and Butters came to a shortstop with a choked off gasp as the collar dug into his neck.
"Leo, stop. Fuck, why are you so fast." Kenny panted, bending over to catch his breath, hand still gripping Butters hoodie.
"Ken, lego'a me." Butters said, shifting to loosen the collar of his hoodie.
"No way, you'll run off again." Kenny stood to his full height. "An I'm not letting you get away, we gotta talk Leo."
"I don't wanna talk Ken, I gotta get home."
"Stop lying to me Leo, I know your parents are out of town." Butters flinched as he was caught in his lie.
Kenny sighed, his hand falling from Butters hoodie. "Fine, then you don't have to talk, just come with me, okay."
Shifting Butters wondered if he should try and run away again but thought better of it, Kenny would only chase him down again. Also Ken knew where he lived so it wasn't like this would go away, Butters had to face the fact he'd have to talk to Kenny.
"Okay."
"Good come on." Kenny grasped Butters hoodie sleeve and led him down the street.
As they passed building after building and Butters started to notice the decline in structural integrity, he looked up to see where they were going. Kenny led him across the train tracks and Butters finally spoke.
"We going to your place Ken?"
"Yeah, no one'll be there. Kevin's at a job in Denver, my parents are off camping or something and Karen's staying at a friend's place for the weekend."
"Oh, okay."
"Yep, so you'll be stuck with just me for company." Kenny laughed as he opened his front door and shut it behind them.
"It's fine, Ken." Butters followed as Kenny walked down the cramped hallway and pushed open a door and stepped in.
Following, Butters saw it was Kenny's room, stepping into the room he watched as Kenny put down a paper bag on his old battered dresser. Had he been carrying that the whole time?
"Do you care if I take a quick shower first Leo?"
"N-no, go ahead."
"Cool." Grabbing some clothes and a towel Kenny made his way back to the door. "Five minutes tops, you can sit if you want."
Butters dropped onto the edge of Kenny's bed and buried his face in his hands, how was he going to explain his way out of this to Kenny. Tell him the skirt was for his mom? A girl he liked? The rattle of pipes let Butters know time was counting down and he had to think of a good excuse. Try as he might, Butters couldn't think of anything beyond it was for his mom or for the drama club.
"I'm back Leo." Butters looked up to see Kenny standing in the doorway, dirty clothes balled under his arm and his towel draped over his shoulders.
"Yep, you are." Was the only reply Butters could give.
"So, there anything you wanna talk about Leo?" Kenny asked, tossing his dirty clothes in the cracked plastic hamper by the door.
"No." It was said a bit too loudly and forcefully.
Kenny lifted a brow before drying his hair as he walked towards his dresser and the bag he'd put down earlier. Tossing the towel on the dresser he picked up the bag.
"Yo-you buy Karen that purse?" Butters asked, trying to distract the other blond.
"I did, she's gonna be so happy. I also got this." He said pulling something seafoam colored out of the bag and holding it up.
Butters breathing stuttered for a second. "Wh-what ya' got there Ken?"
"You wanted it back at the thrift store didn't you?"
"I told you I didn't." Butters said, twisting his fingers trying to keep his hands from shaking and to not look at the skirt.
"You don't have to hide it from me Leo, I think it's a nice color it'll go nice with your eyes."
At his words Butters shot to his feet and spun on the other blond. "What do you want from me Ken?"
"Nothin' dude, you wanted this so I got it for you."
"I told you I didn't want it, why, why would you get it? Do you just want to make fun of me too, Ken? Call me a freak, that I'm weird, that, that I'm not right, huh?" Butters shouted pointing at the other blond.
"What, no!" Kenny exclaimed, dropping the bag and skirt to the floor. "Leo, no look I just, shit this was probably the wrong way to go about it." He groaned, running his hand through his hair.
"Okay, Leo first I'm gonna get you to stop crying and then we'll talk about my apparently bad plan to help you."
"I thought you was my friend Ken." Butters sniffed, Kenny flinched at the words.
"I am Leo, come on, sit with me." Kenny said, pulling Butters down to sit on the edge of the bed again.
"Ken, what do you want then if not to make funna me?"
Sighing in defeat Kenny spoke. "I wanted to try and help but I seem to have done a shit job, Leo." Butters snorted. "So instead I think I'm gonna tell you something that no one but Karen knows, not even Kyle knows yet."
Wiping his face with his sleeve Butters looked over at Kenny. "Why would you tell me then?"
"I think that maybe it'll help you decide what you want to do. So, Leo, I'm pansexual and maybe gender fluid, I haven't really done much research into it because I don't really care, I'm just me. I like the people I like regardless of sex or gender and sometimes I feel like wearing a skirt or I let Karen put makeup on me." Kenny looked at Butters who looked back brow furrowed.
"I- I don't understand, Ken."
"You're killin' me Leo." He groaned. "You wanted the skirt I know you did, you had the same look Karen gets when she really wants something and that's perfectly fine, Leo. I've known since we were like twelve that you were different and that's fine too, but you have to admit to yourself first to move onto the next steps."
Butters opened his mouth to deny it but paused, if Kenny was telling him all of this maybe, maybe he really did want to help. Butters needed someone to help him sort out his head and put it all into perspective for him, someone that wasn't his parents.
"I wanted it. I mean I want it, the skirt I really want it, it's just so pretty and soft and flowy. I've always liked girly stuff from way back when we were nine, maybe even before that. Then when the fortune teller thing happened and Heidi's slumber party, something changed and I just wanted more. I tried telling my parents but my dad just yelled at me and told me I was a boy and that was that. I tried to wear hair clips and barrettes but the fellas would just make fun of me and I didn't want my parents to find out. Cause I didn't wanna get into trouble for bein' wrong and I don't know what to do Ken." Butters sighed, running out of steam.
"Well this is a start Leo, finally admitting out loud to someone else that you wanted the skirt is a good first step. Also there is nothin wrong with you Leo and you're not a freak or weird you're you, okay." Kenny said as he patted Butters back.
"Okay Ken, so what's, uh, the next step?"
"I think you know." Butters eyes darted to the skirt on the floor before landing back on Kenny.
"I don't know Ken."
"Come on Leo you can do it, we're the only two here no one will see you, promise."
Shifting on the bed Butters nodded. "Okay, yeah I want to, I'll do it."
"Good Leo." Kenny grabbed the bag, shoved the skirt in it and pulled out Karen's purse and handed Butters the bag. "I got you something else too, I'm gonna go put this in Karen's room you can change while I'm gone." Then he was shutting the door leaving Butters alone.
Gripping the bag in his hands Butters took in a deep breath before dumping the contents on Kenny's bed. The skirt was still as pretty and soft but there was also a black button up with a ruffled front. Running his hand over the skirt Butters kicked off his shoes and stripped before pulling the skirt on and doing the button. Holding the shirt he hoped it would fit and put it on doing the buttons with shaking hands Butters jolted at the knock at the door.
"Leo you good?" Kenny called through the wood.
"Ye-yeah, you can, um come in." Butters said, fidgeting in his spot as the door opened.
Kenny stepped back into his room with a full-length mirror under his arm. "I borrowed Karen's mirror, she won't even know we used it." Kenny said, propping the mirror against the wall before he turned around.
Butters worried the hem of his shirt in his hands as Kenny just stared at him. "Um, Ke-ken do I look weird?" Butters knew this was a bad idea.
"Er, no, no Leo you look great, I knew that skirt would match your eyes, look." He said motioning to the mirror.
Slowly stepping up to the glass Butters gasped as he took in the reflection staring back. It reminded him of when he was ten in Heidi Turner's basement with the girls surrounding him as they did his hair and makeup. The skirt brushed the tops of his knees and the layered ruffles made it look full, the shirt fit very well and for maybe the first time Butters was thankful for his small, narrow shoulders. He looked pretty, staring at himself he felt like Marjorine again and it made him happy.
"Leo, you okay?" Kenny's soft question brought Butters back to the situation at hand.
"I look real pretty, like a girl huh Ken?" Butters asked, watching Kenny through the mirror.
"Yeah. Do you like it?"
"Yes, but it doesn't matter, my parents would never let me be her, like I want." Butters said sadly, lip trembling.
"Leo, be who?" Kenny asked softly.
"Marjorine."
"Is that, is she who you want to be, though?"
"When we were trying to steal the fortune teller from the girls, Marjorine was the name I picked when I was sent in." Butters said voice cracking. "I didn't know that I would like her so much or that being a girl was fun and felt right, I didn't think leaving her would be so hard."
"Leo, if you want to be Marjorine then you can no one-"
"I can't Ken, my dad would kick me out, I wouldn't have any place to live, I don't got a job, I'm still in high school." Butters pressed his hand to the reflections cheek. "Even though I want to be her again I can't, Ken, not yet."
"Leo?" Butters turned to face Kenny. "It may not be an ideal solution but if you want, until you can move out and be Marjorine you can be her with me."
Butters breath caught in his throat at Kenny's words, he'd do that? "You'd do something like that for me, Ken?"
"Of course I would Leo, you deserve to be happy even for a little while before you have to go back to pretending."
"I, Ken, thank you."
"You're welcome, Leo."
"Can, can you maybe call me Marjorine, just once?"
Kenny blinked before he smiled. "Marjorine, Marjorine, I'll call you Marjorine all day if you want."
"You don't have to go that far Ken but thank you."
"Do you want a hug?" Kenny asked, holding his arms open.
"God, yes this has been a stressful day."
Kenny laughed. "Working on finding yourself usually is, Marjorine."
Falling into Kenny's open arms and hugging the blond back. A few things came to mind: firstly that this would be a long hard journey, most likely filled with more tears. But here in this small room with Kenny she had a small safe place to be herself, she could be Marjorine in small happy bursts, until she could get out of her parents house and away from how they treated her. Denying who she was because they couldn't accept it. Until then being Marjorine with just Kenny was more than she could have ever hoped for before. Finally she was happy.