Chapter 43 - I Am Officially Disowned

It was Friday and time for our first capture-the-flag game. Clarisse and I were the captains for the first game of the summer. I had the Hermes, Zeus, Demeter, Apollo, Dionysus, Iris, Hypnos, Nemesis and Hecate cabins on my side. Clarisse had all the rest. Malcolm and I divided everyone up into their jobs. Apollo, Hermes, Hypnos and Demeter would guard the flag. The rest were divided up into well-balanced teams to try to go on offense. I went off on my own, as usual. As soon as I was well into the trees I slipped on my Yankees cap and headed off, taking care not to slip or bump any of the plants. I had gotten fairly far into 'enemy' territory when I walked into a clearing. Clarisse was there. As she turned to me her jaw fell open. I blinked, confused.

"I can see you, Annabeth." Clarisse said, looking right at me. "I can see you wearing your cap."

"Y-you can?"

She nodded. "So is the magic busted or did something happen to me?"

Jess came out of the bushes at her side. "I can see her too."

I took the cap off, frowned at it, and put it back on. "Now?"

They shook their heads. "We can still see you." Jess said.

"What happened?" Clarisse asked.

My heart plummeted. The hat had been a gift from my mother. She had given it to me as one of her favorite children. A token of affection. If it wasn't working….

I slipped my hand into my jeans pocket. The stupid coin was still there. I sighed. I looked back at Clarisse, trying to remain calm, and shrugged. "Something must've busted the magic."

Her eyes narrowed. "It's more than that. What happened?"

I took a deep breath. "I-I, uh, saw my mom. As Minerva. Apparently, Minerva doesn't like me much. And, uh, might've taken the magic from my hat."

Jess's mouth dropped open. "You saw your mom?"

I shook my head. "N-not really. It wasn't her."

Clarisse's mouth tightened in a grim line. "Well. Enough talking. If we can see you, we can attack you." She and Jess charged. I ducked and dodged and ran. Both of them were using spears, weapons that were far longer than my knife. It wasn't a fair match and they knew it. I managed to tackle Jess to the ground, roll off her, and run back towards my side. I stuffed the cap into my pocket as I ran.

I reached my side of the river as Maya, Butch and Lou Ellen tore across the river, the other team's flag held high above their heads. I congratulated my team for a job well done, trying to hide my true feelings. I was so scared. I was officially disowned. Could my mom take her skills and abilities from me? Would I suddenly be a bad fighter, a bad strategist? Would I slowly lose all my demigod abilities and turn mortal? I wasn't sure. I couldn't remember something like this happening to anyone before. Sure, Luke had turned against Hermes, but Hermes hadn't disowned him. Clarisse had angered Ares, but she hadn't been disowned. Could a godly parent remove their godli-ness from their kids?

The coin felt like ice against my leg. I refused to take it out around the others. Not here, not now. I'd never let them know what was going on. I found Clarisse and Jess and beckoned them over. I walked with them to behind the bathrooms.

"Don't say a word about the hat." I warned. "To anyone."

Clarisse frowned, her eyes narrowing. "What've you gotten yourself into, Chase?"

I took a deep breath. "Ah, Minerva…. Hates the Romans. She wants to declare war and I said no. I-I just don't want her to take out her anger on anyone else, ok? If you see her…. Run. Run far away. She isn't in a good place right now."

The other two looked at me for several long moments.

Clarisse finally grunted. "I can tell you're hiding something. But what you said makes sense - if the gods are angry, might as well only be at you."

Jess looked troubled but nodded. "I won't tell, but, Annabeth, if you're in trouble -"

"I…. I need to figure it out myself."

Clarisse raised an eyebrow. "I thought the Wolf House taught you not to do things solo anymore."

I shook my head. "This is different. This is…. I don't know. A punishment?"

Clarisse looked troubled. "I still think you should talk to someone. Chiron, at least. But it isn't my place to say anything to the others, so I won't. Come on, Jess. Let's go find our cabin."

I forced smiles of congratulations during dinner, talking and laughing with everyone about our win today. We went to the campfire and I made it through all the songs. I guided everyone back to our cabin and waited for everyone to be asleep. Once I was certain everyone was sleeping, I took my knife and my baseball cap and tread softly outside, across the green. I gently eased the door to the Poseidon cabin open. I walked to the mirror and took a deep breath. Then I tried on the cap by myself. For the first time, I saw myself in the mirror, wearing my cap. I let myself slump to the floor, my back against the wall, and I let out a barely audible sob. I ripped off the cap and clutched it to my chest. I felt like everyone was abandoning me. Part of me knew that wasn't true - my relationship with my mortal family was going well, I was making more friends at Camp, but two of my most important relationships were gone. Poof. Disappeared in a flash.

My mom, who had always guided me and loved me, talked to me and planned with me, making sure I was prepared for whatever was ahead, had officially revoked her role in my life. Disowned. I sobbed, remembering her words. You're no child of mine. You have already failed me. I sobbed some more, covering my mouth to ensure I didn't wake the others.

I'm no stranger to being rejected by a parent. But for those of you that are…. Well, let me tell you, it's a special kind of pain. To know the person who created you wished you never existed. It hurts, far more than any of the wounds I'd received from the centaurs. Far more than the scorpion. I couldn't help it - these new feelings brought up memories from my past. Ripping open wounds that were still healing. Remembering my dad, grumbling about how he'd never wanted a child. Sighing and cursing Athena for my very existence when he thought I couldn't hear. You're no child of mine.

I remembered the days when the spiders came for me and my stepmom informed me it was all in my head. She'd ordered me to stop screaming, because I'd wake my brothers. Her real kids. She wouldn't let me play with them when they were babies - she thought my demigod smell would rub off on them and lead the monsters to them. I'd been so small, so lonely, so excited to have a playmate but she'd take that from me. You're no child of mine.

I sniffled and looked at the cap in my hands. I threw it across the room in anger. I was sick of it all. Sick of not being loved. Sick of not belonging. Sick of being abandoned time and time again.

Memories swirled inside my head, flashing in front of my eyes. With each one, wounds reopened, hurts I'd pushed aside came back, threatening to drown me. Luke, leaving Camp after nearly killing Percy. He hadn't even taken a moment to say goodbye. Abandoning me to whatever would happen at Camp. Abandoning me again on Mount Tam, leaving me to the torture. Monstrous faces swirled through my vision, demons laughing at me as I tried not to scream as dracanae beat me.

I crossed my arms in front of my face and cried as more memories appeared. Thalia leaving me when I was seven. Even though I respected her choice, now, for dying to save me, give me a chance, it was still a wound. An abandonment I'd faced. My hands clenched, remembering Thalia's scared face as Luke pulled me away. Thalia had left me again after Mount Tam. I'd been hurt, far worse than I had let on, but she'd left almost as soon as she joined the Hunters. I had barely had a chance to say goodbye when another friend left.

My mind swirled with faces of the others - the ones who'd left to join Luke. Silena. Even one of my siblings had left, insisting Luke was right. Each face flashed in front of my eyes, the pain like knives being shoved into my heart.

I wiped away the tears and noticed something. My hat had knocked a few photos down. I walked over and picked them up. The first one was Percy - grinning as he won another canoe race. I scowled at the photo. It wasn't his fault, but Percy had left me too. Left wasn't the right word - taken? Kidnapped? But the feelings of abandonment swirled up inside me, mixing the emotions together. A fierce ball of rage boiled up inside me, threatening to come loose. I wasn't sure what would happen when it did. Was I destined to be alone? Forever? I remembered thinking about a future together, Percy and I, in the city, or here at camp. A third option filled my mind - Percy, Piper, all my friends, killed by Gaea. And there I was, wounded but alive, being the sole survivor of Camp Half-Blood. Destined to be alone forever. I slammed my fist into the wall, knocking Percy's minotaur horn to the ground. There was a small dent where my blow had struck and I hoped that it hadn't been loud enough to wake the others. I fell to the floor, my back against the wall, and let myself cry.

How was I supposed to handle all this? We were supposed to be safe, happy, and together. No one else was supposed to leave me. We'd had our big prophecy, our big adventure. And yet, here I was. Preparing for a quest that was supposed to be my most dangerous yet.

Your role might be different than you imagined. Harder.

That's what Rachel had said. And why not? Why not make it worse than sailing off on an epic death quest with the love of your life not knowing who you are? Hera had already left me alone, to face whatever was to come by myself. My mom had taken my magical item and abandoned me. The gods turned their faces from me. I thought of that stupid amusement park ride on our first quest - where the gods watched Percy and I scream for their own amusement. Were they watching now? I could see it - The Hephaestus TV Awards would like to present Ms. Annabeth Chase the award for most heartbreaking romance this season! Stay tuned for next season when we find out if she goes completely insane!

I got angrier. I went to the bed - Percy's bed - and punched it until I heard one of the mattress springs break. I wanted to scream. I wanted to rip up everything between us, every obstacle, every monster, every god. But I knew that I couldn't. Finally, when I was out of tears, I let myself fall into the bed. I laid there, on the broken mattress, the cabin a mess around me, and finally drifted off to sleep.

In case I wasn't feeling bad enough, the nightmares found me. The same ones I'd had since I got that stupid Mark of Athena coin. Spiders. Lots and lots of spiders. This time, maybe because I had thought about it before bed, the scene wasn't when I was little, at home in my dad's house. It was the Waterland ride, as spiders swarmed me. This time, though, there was no Percy. I sat in the ride seat, feeling the plastic beneath me as spiders coated me from head to toe, biting me all over. Grover flew above me, screaming my name, as the spider took bites out of my skin and I screamed. I woke with a start. I checked the time on Percy's alarm clock - it was early. Still an hour until breakfast and I'd had a late night. But I wasn't about to go back to sleep where the nightmares could find me. I looked around the cabin and sighed. Then I got to work putting everything back where it belonged. At breakfast, I wasn't in a mood to talk. Malcolm, who had noticed that I hadn't slept in my bunk, tried to keep everyone distracted but would occasionally glance at me. I could tell he was concerned but I wasn't about to say why.

Clarisse found me and raised her eyebrows but I shook my head. "Saturday. I promised the Jacksons I'd visit and get the rest of Percy's stuff for the quest."

She just grunted her acknowledgement and walked off. I found Blackjack in the stables and listlessly saddled him and handed him a donut. We'd done this journey so many times Blackjack didn't even need instructions, which was good. I was exhausted and emotionally spent. I just wanted to pick up the rest of Percy's things, maybe grab a nap, and get back to Camp.