There had always been an understanding between them. Brain knew Pinky loved him, and, hope on hope, Brain knew Pinky Had to know how he felt about him, dense as he was. It was obvious! He only didn't say it because he knew he didn't have to. Pinky knew. He had to know.
It was Valentine's Day, and as he was prone to do, Pinky was about to perform one of his grand gestures. Over the years Brain learned that these acts were not always full of strenuous effort, or even physically big. In fact it usually came in the form of a gift. A meaningful something scrawled on a piece of old, yellowed printer paper. A rudimentary rendering of themselves or something in their immediate environment, because things like that were easy to remember. And perhaps some writing about how grand and/or "neato" he thought Brain was.
More than once those little things had brought The Proud Brain to tears, whether they were moving in their unexpected profoundness, or their surprisingly eloquent displays of deep affection.
It was Valentine's Day, and Brain knew Pinky was walking up to him with one of those little keepsakes that would surely have a treasured place in the over full drawer of his sardine-can-desk. But Pinky looked a little embarrassed. He shuffled toward Brain sheepishly with an envelope proportional to a mouse sticking out rather obviously from behind his back.
"What are you holding there, Pinky?"
"Holding what card, where Brain?" Pinky nervously chuckled, his gaze darting around the room.
Brain raised an eyebrow sarcastically, his mouth drawn down in an incredulous expression, making eye contact,
"Well?"
Pinky stared sadly at a spot on the floor and without looking up, reached out the little envelope for Brain to snatch out of his hand.
To Pinky's surprise however, Brain plucked it up like it was the morning paper, and quick as a….. really fast thingy, opened it and tried to read.
The inside, Brain noted, was sticky and the writing in it, though there appeared to be very little, tore to bits when he opened it up. Internally Chiding himself for not being more careful, he placed aside the tattered card and looked inside the envelope, finding fragments of those chalky little conversation hearts broken down to food pellet sizes, and with inky blobs on them. Brain concluded that pinky had tried to make a convenient mouse-sized valentines favor and failed to take into account humidity while working with sugar.
"Look Brain, I'm sorry it didn't turn out like it was supposed to, Puh-LEASE don't be disappointed!" Pinky bawled, on his knees and hugging brains feet in a not-remotely-appreciated gesture of attempted physical comfort.
Brain stepped out of Pinky's grasp roughly, brushed off his own fur, then looked at his taller companion.
"Don't be ridiculous. I understood what it was supposed to be right away. You should be proud that with the humidifier on, it came out as well as it did," Brain said matter-of-factly.
"So you like it?" Pinky cried hopefully.
"Well," Brain sheepishly looked at the ceiling, as though he might find a good explanation up there, "I certainly appreciate the attempt…. Thank you, Pinky," he added at the end, just to get the point across. The point that he meant well, even though this was the oddest holiday gift he'd gotten in a while.
It was about 2 in the afternoon, if Brain was reading the position of the sun correctly, and he wracked his mind, trying to think of a plan for that night, or any night at all. Drat. He thought. Another case of Conqueror's Block. He held his head in his hands, almost trying to squeeze some thoughts out of it.
As if to mock the sorry scene, Pinky sauntered up proudly, holding a bright red card with little pink hearts printed all over. He reached out and set it on Brain's desk.
Brain picked it up, very careful in case it was bound to fall apart again, but there was no need.
"No envelope?" he innocently snarked.
Pinky Giggled.
"Zort! I didn't need one, silly! I tried again but just with the card this time! This one shouldn't be so sticky," He Beamed.
Stifling a grin, Brain opened the card and scanned the contents.
Unremarkable, Brain supposed, save for the doodle in the corner of himself in a crown and holding what was probably supposed to be a scepter. It was endearing in its childlike inanity, and an impressive display of spelling, from Pinky anyway.
Brain Stopped cold in his mental tracks. Pinky had tried twice today to make a valentines gift that would make his friend smile, and what did he have to show for it? A thank you? Then what? This thought poked at Brain like a stitch in his side, mocking the rut he found himself in.
Then very suddenly, the clouds parted in his mind, inspiration struck, and his next words came very carefully. He didn't want to get his friend's hopes up, not when his plan was yet to be fully formed.
"Yes, An impressive display of artistry, not unlike the gift I have planned for you," Brain slyly remarked.
Pinky gasped, was Brain really going to give him something? "NARRF! Really? You wanna give me a thing? Like a thing, thing? You don't hafta' do that! Poit! I mean if you forgot, it really is ok!"
Brain had to admit, he felt a tad insulted by Pinky's lack of confidence, so it took every nerve in him to say, "Don't be ridiculous, of course I made plans! It is Valentine's Day after all, isn't it? I'm just…. saving my gift for later, it's almost ready in fact," and only that.
The fur on pinky's face fluffed out and stood on end and his eyes lit up twice as much as they usually shone. Pinky jumped in the air and yelled, "Hooray- Troz! I can't wait to see what you're doing! So, when will it be ready?!"
Brain froze. Caught in his own white lie, his head spun, trying to pinpoint an hour that would give him enough time to prepare something worthy of Pinky's accolades (a simple task) AND wouldn't leave him waiting until late at night, AND couldn't possibly go horribly wrong trying to get it done; And on a less important note, perhaps leaving them enough time to try to take over the world. If only he had a plan.
His ears flicked, and he noticed Pinky staring patiently at the top of his head, and, nervously eager to remove the devoted gaze, he blurted out, "6pm! It should be ready very close to 6pm," while shoving Pinky's head away as far as he could.
Pinky smiled his misplaced, goofy smile, clasped his paws together and said, "Perfect! The Valentine's Day Gidget marathon will be just over by then! Oh you always think of everything, Brain- ZORT!"
"Yes, Always," Brain added, a smug smile plastered across his face.
Four hours, what an idiot I am sometimes. Brain had already blown a whole hour (1 1/2 episodes of Gidget) figuring out a plan that might almost look like a Valentine's gift if you turned your head and squinted at it. He was going to make a candlelit dinner with all the cute little trimmings, but he needed ALL the extra time he had left to face the obstacles ahead. He compiled them, and The list was as follows:
1. He couldn't cook if his life depended on it, but the quickest solution to that problem led to the next.
2. He had to go to the store, get something, and dress it up like he made it himself.
2.5. He had about 3 hours get to the store, find something that could be made to look homemade, and find table settings for a cozy Valentine's dinner.
2.5.5 And get home.
3. And then. He. Had. To. Set. It. All. Up. Before. Pinky's. Show. Was. Over. So it could look like he had it planned all along, no sense dropping the illusion at that point.
Once it was in a list and he could see that he only really had 3-ISH problems, a burst of confidence ran through him all the way down to the end of his toes and usually-numb tail. With his list in hand, and a small pair of Polly-Dolly winter dress up boots and sweater on, he set out into the chill, late February afternoon toward the grocers.
Pinky gazed in dead eyed awe, sitting 2 inches away from the television. Gidget had to decide which boy to go to the dance with! Would she pick the sweet, kind of dopey guy she had been going steady with for at least 3 episodes now? Or the blonde haired, too tall hunk with a surfboard under one arm and a guitar in the other? Pinky thought she should pick the first one, but he was nervous because she looked like she was going to be very disloyal to her boyfriend.
A knock at the lab door. The scientists had a half day because of valentines, so this had to be the janitor. Pinky disappointedly turned off the TV and started making his way back to the cage.
The door wasn't opening though, and the knocking grew louder and faster. "Who's there?" Bellowed Pinky, thinking that maybe it was Mr. Sultana with one of his quaint little yams.
The doorknob rattled and spun slowly, eventually landing on a position that would let the door open, which it did. Only a crack, though, just big enough for a rodent to walk comfortably through. Maybe Brain's come back? Thought Pinky uncomfortably. Brain would say something when he came in, wouldn't he?
Sometimes he didn't though, on any day when he dared to venture out by himself and was met with failure, he would come home very disheartened and try to go to bed without being noticed. Pinky always pretended not to notice, but the next day he'd be right on his game with all the cheering up he could muster. It always seemed to annoy Brain, but then he'd bop Pinky on the head and start acting all proud and important again, which Pinky knew meant the cheering up worked.
Pinky looked over the counter toward the lab's front door and saw a mouse that wasn't Brain at All! Oh, but it was good to see an old friend again, so he trotted over and slid down from the counter to say hi.
Meanwhile, in the bakery section of the "Albertford's", Brain ducked and wove through the ankles of the unprepared masses who like him, had put off getting a gift to the very last minute. He reviled their ignorance, for surely if they cared for their loved ones, they might've come early and skipped the rush. Oblivious to the possibility that he was doing that same thing, he climbed up onto a bread shelf and looked out over the heads of the haggard fathers and absent-minded gentleman callers. Human men. He cursed in his mind. You make me ashamed to share a gender with most of you reprobates. How carelessly these lay-abouts treated the special people in their lives.
Then, mid-hypocritical-ponder, his eyes landed on a pre-made cheese quiche. Every wheel in brain's clockwork head started to spin like racecar tires, and, faster than a speed between sound and light, pondering became action.
Slid down. Ran to the counter. Grabbed the boxed confection, balanced it between his head and one paw. Ran through a gap in the crowd to the baking aisle. Stopped at a shelf full of cupcake liners. Pink or blue. Something else? Shook his head, leaned the quiche box on the shelf, climbed up, grabbed a package with a whole rainbow of options. More than he needed. Didn't matter. Ran further down the aisle. Birthday candles, just the right size for a table of two mice. Grabbed a pack of plain white ones. A Cookie Cutter's the thing, to make it the right size and shape, but where are they? Whipped his head around, saw the cookie cutters a few feet behind him. Sighed, exasperated, balanced everything on the box, put it back on his head. Ran back. Looked through the shapes, too many hearts. A circle will do fine, if I can find one. Found one in the back with ribbed edges. A biscuit cutter, something better than he had dared to hope for. Threw it on top of the box.
Time went back to normal, the adrenaline rush of an absolutely inspired plan wound down, and Brain remembered he had a little less than 2 hours to check out of there and get back to the lab. He rushed to the self-checkout jumping almost a foot in the air to avoid a gentleman in mid-height heels whose clumsiness threatened to add another zag to his zig-zag tail. The self-checkout loomed into view and it was, unfortunately, not the shortest line in the store. He looked over to the other lines, trying to find the fastest and least annoying one.
A cashier called out in peppy, fakey, female voice, "I can help the next person in line!" There was one person next to where Brain stood, and time was running short; he predicted that getting back to the lab with all the parts of his gift would take one of the hours he had left. He climbed up the conveyor, almost being stepped on by the fellow beside him on the way.
The brilliant mouse lifted himself onto the metal strip before the moving conveyor, pulling the box and other materials up behind him, and immediately fumed with rage at what he saw. The person who WAS next to him had stepped ahead and loaded his items. Couldn't that Neanderthal see he was in a rush? Tapping his boot impatiently, he pouted, glaring daggers at the customer ahead.
The cashier lady snuck a glance at him while she was scanning the customer's groceries and sped up her work. She decided she HAD to know more about the impatient, fuzzy headed, Tiny fellow in a sweater and little boots, and soon. Before they could get too impatient and leave. The more average looking customer nodded, impressed by her scanning and bagging speed, then meekly inquired,
"Can I please get my change now... m'am?"
"Sorry, just give me a second," she leaned over the register toward the fuzzier fellow and asked, "who are you?"
A little taken aback by being noticed, Brain quickly regained his composure and responded in his formulaic rote, "I am a genetically-altered Lab mouse who is trying to take a night off from trying to take over the world to do something nice for a friend."
The cashier stared very far away, looking very much like she regretted asking.
"AHEM," The other customer grunted, now holding the same crossed-arms, toe-tapping pose as Brain. The poor retail worker reeled so hard at the sight of the synchronized pantomime between man and mouse(?) that she bagged their items and shooed them off without giving the first customer his change, or making Brain pay for his things.
What a stroke of luck! And With well over an hour to spare- Brain looked up to see an analog clock over the exit door. It read 5:03 PM. His heart fell into his little plastic boots and his ears rang. He ran, dragging the full shopping bag behind him and panting, through the automatic door and into the parking lot, looking for a cab, a bus, anything that wouldn't make him walk home. He simply hadn't the time. The sun was long gone, and misty bits of ice fluttered down, sticking to his fur where he forgot to put a hat before leaving the lab.
The brown and white-patched lady mouse sat on the other side of the counter from Pinky, scribbling secret scrawly things on a piece of old, old, old paper. Pinky thought he was having a nice pleasant little visit with Julia at first, but all she could talk about was Brain, and she wasn't saying very nice things at all.
Is she still angry because her head was on fire? If my head was on fire I'd just leave it like that, oh wouldn't that be warm and fun! I'd be like a little candle…. And if it got all stinging-y, I'd put it in the wash, and that's always Fun! Wait, … waaait. Is Julia talking again? She was, and she didn't have the thing she was writing on anymore. He looked around and around, but it didn't seem to be anywhere. But he seemed to be walking now, pulled along by Julia holding his hand gently but firmly. Oh gee, did they have to be walking so close to the front door? Brain's got a thing to give me, doesn't he?
As luck would have it, the customer who had had his change shorted hailed a cab toward the city center and Brain had been able to jump in. He hoped that the other fellow wouldn't notice him, but as luck would also have that, he did. So there they were, staring at the seats in front of them and trying to pretend they didn't see each other.
The human opened his mouth to make small talk. Brain pulled his things closer to him and stared at the window above him. They both tried to quietly unstick themselves from the dingy seats. A giant neon sign blinked into and out of the corner of Brain's window.
"Stop the Cab!"
The bulky headed Mouse grabbed his box, jumped out of the cab and made a beeline down the sidewalk toward the lab. The other passenger breathed a sigh of relief and proceeded to overthink the interaction for the entire rest of the evening.
Despite all the setbacks, Brain found himself making brilliant time, even getting himself and all of his purchases in through the window redeemably unscathed. All he had to do now was set it up without Pinky noticing. And he was in such a good mood, that it didn't really matter if his fallow friend saw just a little.
Brain looked about the lab, planning his next move. It was perfectly quiet all around. No hum from any machines, no squeaking from the running-wheel, and most confusingly, no whiny, girlish voice from the outmoded TV on the counter. Before he could think about that, his eyes wandered to the digital clock on the wall over the front door. It read 5:32 pm.
Brain tapped nimbly over to the microwave, sliding under the cleaning cart on the way over, still holding the box and the items on it. He ever-so-quietly shoved the quiche in the microwave and turned it on, flinching a little when it started humming. Looking around again, Brain could have sworn something was missing, but the thought left him when his eyes landed on a small wire spool.
The Brain ran hither and thither, gathering things like old bottle caps, snipped off plastic bits of used syringes and pieces of paper. After 2 feverish minutes, the setup was done, and he was finally ready to show it to Pinky. A spool with a pink cupcake liner laid over it was the table, and the seats were two bottle caps glued to other plastic bits. The placemats were an old but clean-looking paper scrap found near the printer and torn in half, and the napkins were paper towel segments folded into triangles. One of the candles from the store was punched through the "tablecloth" making it short enough not to tower over them while they talked. And Pinky would say, oh Brain, this is lovely! Narf! And you really did it all by yourself? And Brain would say, well of course, why shouldn't I? It's the least I could do after all the time you spend helping me. And Pinky would say, I only didn't know you could cook, I mean, this is amazing! And Brain would cave in and confess he went and bought it, and Pinky wouldn't mind a bit, and he would talk and tell him how lovely he made it all look and say any number of incomprehensibly stupid things that would give him the greatest idea for a plan and remind him that hope wasn't lost after all.
Which reminded Brain, where was Pinky? His little show's marathon wasn't set to be over for another 20 minutes at least, longer with commercials. Brain put down the little platter he meant to carry out to show Pinky the fruits of his labors, walked around the whole lab, and pondered.
He wasn't in the mazes, those were all locked and no one was there to unlock them or shove him in against his will. Was he stuck in some container again? He couldn't be, because Brain had already run all through the lab looking for things, and he would've heard Pinky either laughing his empty head off, or calling to be let out of whatever makeshift prison he built for himself. Could he be talking to the beavers to wish them a happy St. Valentine's? Brain ran back to the stiflingly dark room where most of animals were kept while not being experimented on, and there were no beavers, and no Pinky. Brain started to show signs of….. concern. There was no need to panic! Not yet!
"Keep it together old boy, now where else can he be?" Brain finally let himself think that Pinky could've gotten bored and gone outside for some fresh air. And gotten distracted. And wandered into a road or a waterway or something. NO! No. no. Even Pinky had more sense than to leave the lab while Brain was out, after all, Brain had asked him to stay put- then he remembered. He left to run his errand of good-will without a word as to when he'd be back or what Pinky should do. Except that it would be before 6pm. If he had told him not to move from his spot in front of the TV, Pinky would have gladly obliged even if there was no marathon to focus on; the Brain knew it painfully well.
Brain felt like breath just wouldn't come to him, almost as though a hyperactive toddler had taken a firm seat on his ribs, but he was not slowed in the least. He put his sweater and boots back on, adding a knit cap to rectify the lack of one from earlier. He considered getting some gloves, then got the flash of an idea to look around the lab for clues before he left to find Pinky. He warned himself to be quick, for if that poor imbecile couldn't be found inside at all then he was wasting valuable time; the weather was becoming a danger, the snow turning from a flurry to a shower.
Ten minutes later, the whole of Brain's efforts was overturned, the microwave swabbed, the paper towels unraveled, and the makeshift table flipped over. He knew time was closing in on him, but the tiny megalomaniac couldn't bring himself to go outside with no clues about which direction to go. Overwhelmed more than he had been in a long time, Brain hesitantly picked himself off the floor of the cage. Intending to tidy up before leaving to finally look for his accomplice, he slowly and gently picked each little bit of paper up and examined it, as though something on it would bring an idea to his failing mind. The napkins were still neatly folded and tucked, the candle was miraculously still in one piece, but the placemats, well, the placemats had writing on the back, writing that he did not put there himself.
The Brain's jaw almost hit the floor; the paper he tore in half to make the placemats came together to make a note! How he failed to notice it when he picked it up the first time confused him a great deal, but now he noticed that the graphite used to write on it was freshly sharpened and the penmanship, immaculate except for being misspelled.
BRAiN,
IM TiRED OF WATEING. DONT BOTHER LOOKiNG FOR ME. i DON'T WANNA COME HOME. GOOD BY.
Love,
Pinky.
The letter was characteristic of Pinky, devastatingly so. Brain felt his eyes water and his fists tremble, trying to understand what Pinky was tired of waiting for. Brain was always good to his word, and ridiculously punctual, especially today. But even as the mouse meant to someday rule the world, he hadn't always been perfect. Was the occasional mistake he allowed to slip by enough to drive Pinky away in frustration? The slips of temper, the times he ignored his partner, all those blows to the head? Can't be that last one, he is disturbingly entertained by those. That thought reminded the Brain of something critical. He wasn't always a good influence on Pinky, but the addled mouse always stuck by him. He even seemed to thrive by Brain's side, against all hope and odds. Always coming back to him, no matter how pathetic or undeserving Brain felt. So what had changed?
"Repeat it again please?" Pinky quietly begged from his little glass chair behind the window. Julia grew tired of explaining herself, but if he was at least trying to understand, then there was still hope for the poor little guy.
"Alright Pinky, I'll try to explain this one more time," She took three deep breaths, in and out, in and out, in and out. "Do you remember when Brain put me into a large machine and I came out, able to talk and dress well, and do everything a first lady can do?"
"Yes! Oh, and you were lovely, all ready to take on the presidency like Brain's always ready to take over the world!" said Pinky, brimming with glee, seemingly unaware of the glass wall between them.
Julia, looking uncomfortable, let out an ingenuine, faltered laugh. "He-heh, Yeah! So all the time after that, Brain used me to make himself look good for his campaign. Do you remember that too?" she asked, her smile disappearing.
"Oh, yeeeaaAH! You did such a good job too! So good you even made a better presi-dental candidate than he did! You know, I think you're almost as smart as he is with your long words and big machines! ZORT!" Pinky looked adoringly at Julia, making her insides squirm. The next part was the bit he always got stuck on. She decided to skip to the part he seemed to remember most clearly.
"So I was at the big debate, and I was talking about my plans for what I would do when I- *Ahem*, if I became president. But suddenly, I was only saying what Brain wanted me to, I was saying things I –I- I didn't believe in! *hoff* *hoff* I was, I WAS-,"
Pinky interrupted, "UHhh… You know, now seems like a really good time to stick an ice cube in your mouth!" He chuckled nervously, having scooted his chair a little away from the window.
Julia didn't give Pinky or his advice a pause or sideways glace. The little blue tube in her ear sparked, her bones made awful creaking sounds and her body stretched to twice her original height. "That- Tyrant! ... HE Made ME….. He MADE ME….. HE- rrrrrRRRRaaaAAAAAGH!" She Screamed like a jungle cat and raged, tearing apart her side of the room. She hurled herself onto a screen on the back wall, snapping it off and pulling it down on top of her. The shock to her chest made her look straight ahead, where Pinky was, pressing himself right up to the little glass wall she had put him behind. He looked in her eyes, begging silently to be let out and allowed to help. But the senator-turned-beast had a better idea. Her eyes shone in that charming, personable, almost sane light again.
"Pinky," Julia rasped, "Brain t-turned me into this….. M-monster. If you stay with him, he'll… he'll… Break you. But if you stay with.. M- me,…. You'll get hurt here too." She cleared her throat, not making any effort to dislodge herself from underneath the TV. "What you have to do, is to run very far away, and never talk to me o-or the BrrAin agai-,"
"NO!" Pinky shouted, with the firmest resolve. His little brows furrowed, he grabbed at the air holes in his wall and shook them like jail bars. "Narf! Brain HATES being alone without knowing where I am! And it's Valentine's Day, and he's All alone, and I didn't leave him a note orrr anythiii-hi-hing!" Pinky wept openly, his childish sobs each leaving another blood red stain on Julia's tattered conscience.
She finally shoved the TV off herself a little and miserably pondered what she would do with the poor creature. Then her train of thought rolled back to the first thing Pinky said since she came back to her senses. Brain hated to be alone? A contradictory statement if she ever heard one, but he was talking about that in reference to himself, so perhaps….. No. It couldn't be true. That made revenge far too easy an option! If she could be sure Pinky was right.
Brain had made a new list, a list that PROVED Pinky couldn't have written that letter. Reason 1: It was four sentences long and there wasn't a Narf in sight; one sentence he could understand easily, two even, if it had something sillier than a simple misspelling tossed in. Four baffled and stymied the Brain.
Reason 2: It was far too short for such an emotional scrap. He had gone so far as to mention feelings like Want and Tired, but added no unreadable ramblings about why. Pinky wasn't a fully literate mouse, but if he had one surprising tendency in his few writings, it was going on and on about things he felt.
Reason 3:….. well, there were no pictures! Of course! If Pinky WAS going to write a letter that short, he'd have added a picture or two to show Brain how upset he was…. So he couldn't have really meant any of that faff about not wanting to come home, Right?
Brain trudged through the snow. Or he would have, if he wasn't being dragged by a hired bloodhound through the local suburb. Though an efficient way to find a lost mouse, he regretted being cheap and not hiring a private detective. But private detectives were too much paperwork, and Brain hadn't a moment to spare filling out forms; as best as he could tell, Pinky had been kidnapped! Kidnapping would've been a written report, several police officers, and a week of giving testimonies. So as Brain got another firmly packed mouthful of snow, he concluded he didn't have a real right (or any time) to complain.
The little megalomaniac tried to watch the world pass by him while the bloodhound picked up Pinky's scent. House, house, house, rusty bike, shed, house. An intersection whizzed by, taking them into a dilapidated shopping district. Mini mall, antique parlor, PM Mart, two snow-covered cars.
The great wrinkly canine stopped and sniffed at a puddle, sending Brain in for a splash landing at the end of his leash. He lifted his head out of the miniature lake, disgusted to see the awful beast lapping up the filthy water.
Something caught the brilliant mouse's keen eye from the edge of the puddle. Several indents broke up the slush in front of him, and Brain wasn't reaching very far in thinking they were distinctly Pinky-shaped. It appeared as though Pinky had been tripping through the snow following a set of mousey footprints. Not the Brain's boot prints, but someone's bare paws. It looked as though both Pinky and whatever wretch he followed out to this place had walked all the way out to this….. Condemned dental clinic… Entirely barefoot! Pinky's own forgetful nature caused him to forego footwear in this abominable weather, and whoever led him out here set an awful example by doing the same. At this, Brain was filled with pity (for Pinky, and he was willing to admit it to himself by that time), and anger (toward the idiot kidnapper). Brain turned around to attend to the dog who dragged him all that way, but the bloodhound was dog-gone.
Julia's revenge plan was foolproof and watertight; which was nice because she had had enough of wet feet for one evening. Step 1: Email an ad for a cheap for-hire sniffer dog service to the ACME labs computer. Step 2: Let the Brain, his panic-riddled deductive reasoning, and a bloodhound lead him to her current center of operation. Step 3: Dangle pinky in front of Brain until she could get anything she wanted from him. But first, the ever important Step 0.1: figure out exactly what the perfect revenge to get out of him was. What on earth could be good enough to satiate that desire?
Julia's planning was interrupted by a rattle at the front widow, almost too quiet to hear. It stopped, and she turned her ear to search for it again. There it was again, the tiniest tapping and scraping at glass. Brain had arrived. She rushed through the hole under the waiting room desk and into the back room where she kept temporary lab 3.1 to prepare her guest for the arrival.
Pinky immediately perked up upon seeing Julia again. "POIT! Can I come out now? I really hafta' go see about something back at home." Pinky had, since their previous conversation, realized that he shouldn't talk about Brain at all, no matter how much keeping quiet gnawed at his heart. He missed his Smarty Best-est Friend very dearly and knew staying in this place wasn't going to cure his homesickness; though he had to admit, it was very nice and clean and smooth in his little glass room.
"No Pinky. You can't come out, you can't leave and no matter who walks in this room, PLEASE! Don't say a word! No points, no "narfs", quieter than a mouse, OK!?" snapped Julia, trying desperately to appear calm and rational. It didn't work.
"Oh," moped the lanky albino mouse. "Ok," he looked gloomily at his toes. "When can I talk again? Poit? "
Julia walked toward the front room. She didn't have an answer, just half a plan and a very justifiable motive.
Brain had given up on trying to break through the window and was trying to pick the front door lock with his tail. For some reason, the keyholes on regular doors were always smaller than the one on his cage; still big enough to fit his tail or a paperclip, but with a much more hidden latch. Brain might have killed for something like a paperclip, only he wouldn't need it.
The lock clicked open on its own and the doorknob turned under his feet. He determinately clung to the brass sphere until he hung upside down from it, dangling over freshly pushed-aside snow. When the doorknob turned back into place, Brain stood up and looked around the door to see who had opened up the building. No-one in plain view, but a length of twine hung from the doorknob on other side. He reached over to grab the rope, leaning as far as he could while finagling himself around a whole door, but missed by about an inch; he lost his grip and fell down, landing face-first on the bare asphalt where the snow had been pushed away by the door.
Brain dusted himself off and once his face was no longer caved in, he picked the gravel out of his teeth. He scanned the looming inside of the building cautiously. It appeared to be a waiting room, lined with stackable chairs, a basket of grimy interlocking block toys, and a Television set, dusty for lack of use. On the far end of the room was a reception desk with a business pager-phone and a rolling deck of phone numbers on top and a tiny glowing blue doorway in the bottom. A mouse hole with a door? An open door? What kind of insane competition did he have? First they made their base in a dental office, leaving themselves with VERY primitive resources, then they go out barefoot in 2 inches of snow, and THEN they have the AUDACITY to STEAL his PARTNER, forging a note to try and crush his spirit?
Julia finally got a good look at the Brain from the top of the desk. He looked frozen stiff, soaking wet, and completely insane, tossing his clothes off on the floor. He mumbled something to himself, something about a partner, which told Julia everything she needed to know and more. Not only was Pinky a nuisance Brain could bear to have around, he saw the sweet little fellow as a trusted ally! Julia snickered at the idea. It really would be like taking candy from a baby.
Brain's bulbous head snapped toward the wretched sound. Whatever great fool had lured him all this way was laughing at him, and his pride had taken too many blows for one night! "SHOW YOURSELF! Who are you!?" Brain yelled, his voice hoarse from cold weather and emotion.
The snickering burst into full-on laughter. Laughter in a very familiar voice, one whose vocal chords Brain previously thought had to be too fried to even let out a squeak. Yet here it was, laughing clearly and deviously. His prospective first-lady went quiet very suddenly, scowling down at him.
"So what brings you here in such awful weather, Brain?" Julia purred sarcastically.
"Wait, wait, wait-" Brain interrupted, "you've been alive and sentient this whole time?! How long have you been out here! Why did you run away? If you had come back to the lab with us we might have at least done something for your public image," Brain sputtered, exasperated.
Julia gazed coldly at him and responded, "I didn't come back to YOU because you SET ME ON FIRE! And trying to mind-control me and turning me into a literal and political monster didn't exactly ENDEAR you to me either. Now, my turn for a question. Why ME? What did you stand to gain from cursing me with intelligence, human nature, a monstrous form and no autonomy?"
Brain pondered a moment, then answered calmly, "ah yes, the more predatory form was an unforeseen side effect; a total accident I assure you, possibly from the autobiography I added into the mix. I originally intended to get Michelle Obama's but they were sold out, I had to settle for-"
Brain's throat closed in the gnarled paw of predator Julia, pinning him to the floor and angrily pleading, "Not HOW, WHY you IDIOT!" she loosened her grip ever so slightly to let the tiny freak explain himself.
"I needed a first lady," Brain wheezed plainly. "This was my third presidential campaign and Pinky had already posed as both *hack* my vice president and my first lady. He was simply too recognizable, so I needed someone new… that's where you came in… now let me GO!"
Julia's face morphed back to its original mousey shape, retaining all of the vitriol in her expression. Still holding Brain's neck in her strong yet delicate hand, she spat, "You don't Deserve to have Pinky in your life, and he certainly DOESN'T need YOU." She dropped Brain wheezing on the floor, his brow furrowed.
She walked through the little glowing portal to her lab, leaving Brain to decide whether to take the bait. Brain sat on the floor to catch his breath, watching her leave.
Pinky looked out the door, beaming with pride; Brain had come to the rescue, and he was so close! But why was he just sitting there? What did Julia say? Did she just walk in when he wasn't paying attention? Pinky never did have a talent for seeing what was in front of his face and thinking about Brain at the same time. Julia closed the door behind her and sat down at her little computer. Not fair! Pinky was just trying to see his friend, and he wasn't even allowed to talk. Unless Julia said it was ok and he just didn't notice?
"Julia?"
"Quiet, Pinky," she sighed.
No fair at all. Pinky shoved himself in the corner of the little glass room, sulking and waiting for the smartest mouse in the world to come rescue him. The light clicked off, leaving the place where Pinky sat dark, with the rest of the mini-lab all nice and glowy. Not fair.
If there was anything Brain wasn't, it was a quitter. Learned helplessness had been pummeled into him from a young age, but he dedicated his life to a job that not only unlearned that foul brainwashing, but contradicted it. But for some odd reason he was remembering, and remembering was thinking, and thinking was learning. Relearning about feeling small and unable to achieve, survive... belong. Brain almost let himself sit in that cold lobby, relearning to feel helpless, but he had one last anchor, one more reason to go on with the mission, any mission; Someone waiting for him who earnestly (to his knowledge) believed that he could take over the world AND make it a better place. Brain had to know if Pinky did still believe in him, and he wouldn't go back to the lab without knowing, preferably with the lovable idiot by his side.
A plan was a must, for if Julia was scheming against Brain, then she might've been insane enough to do real, permanent damage to…. To anyone! So Brain enacted a plan, though he didn't give himself much time to think it up.
Step ?: Get to Pinky.
Step ?: Stop Julia's Plan
Step ?: Rescue Pinky and bring him home(If he'll come home. NO! He WILL).
It wasn't a finished plan, but Brain would improvise. There was no time for a better one. He didn't know what Julia wanted with his cagemate, but he was unwilling to wait and find out.
Brain busted through the door with his right shoulder, running smack into a wall full of electrical outlets. Peeling himself off the wall, he looked around frantically for Pinky, finding a very small mouse shaped figure curled up in the dark corner of a room blocked off by a glass wall with air holes. Brain allowed himself to slow down for a moment; Julia wasn't in sight, so he called Pinky's name, tapping along the glass wall. Pinky didn't answer, much to his dismay, but a clatter came from the far end of the wall when he tapped it. He pried the clattering section of the wall open with the stiff end of his tail. Leaning into the dark room, he called for Pinky again. He was answered with a muffled scream from… …Behind him?
*SMACK*. Brain landed jaw first on the cold glass floor, his back feeling as though it had taken a considerable punch. It had, and when he lifted his head from the floor he found the reason; Julia slammed the door shut, and put her paw over Pinky's mouth.
"You're safe now Pinky, you're safe," she cooed sickly sweetly in the lanky mouse's ear. Pinky only looked despondent as she ushered him out of the room, taking her hands off his face. He looked over his shoulder, sadder than sad to see his friend locked up without him. He almost broke away from Julia's grasp, but one dirty look from her made him shrink sadly.
Brain could scarcely believe what he saw. Even with his violent outbursts, Pinky only shirked away from him every once in a blue moon, usually less in fear of punishment and more in embarrassment from messing up a plan. Julia struck all the fear and sadness Brain had ever caused in a lifetime with one foul expression, and Pinky looked positively pathetic. Brain saw red and started thrashing wildly, trying to break down the door. Can't she see she's making Him upset? Or is she just trying to get under my skin! It won't work. I'll get out, I'll get him back and she'll never bother us again! She won't get to ME. I'M UNSHAKABLE! He thought this, thoroughly shaken and pounding away at the wall with seemingly no lock and no door.
Ten minutes he banged on the section of the wall he was pushed through, scraping, bashing and ramming with his now thoroughly bruised right shoulder. No thoughts except get out, get Pinky, go home. His mantra until the thing was done.
Two minutes after that he tried analyzing the enclosure. Similar to the ones at ACME, only entirely plexiglass and furnished with an acrylic chair. The figure in the corner he had mistaken for a crestfallen Pinky was a couple of pillows with leaves stuck in for "ears". He took the chair and started bashing at the presumed door. He stopped after his shoulder began to hurt too much.
"-So you see Pinky, he's not just evil, he's completely out of his mind! Can't you understand I'm only trying to help you?" Julia begged. She kept flipping the switch in her mind between revenge on Brain and saving Pinky. She felt different about it depending on who she was in the room with, and in that moment, she set herself on the latter. Besides, if he was gone, she could do whatever she wanted with that monster; for soon he wouldn't have his little friend to protect him. But no matter where she directed her efforts, Pinky adamantly refused to be saved!
"Julia? Are you mad at me because I let Brain hurt you?" Pinky meekly asked backing away from her.
"NO! Of course not! In no world is any of this your fault." Julia said, offended that he would even have to ask. Brain had clearly been berating him for too long.
Pinky sniveled, "So why am I in trouble? I just wanna be next to 'im. I love my Brain, and it's Valentine's Day, and- and,"
Julia interrupted, "that's something Else I don't understand." she said, massaging her temples. "How can you say you love him when he clearly doesn't even care about you?! He's not worth your time, Pinky. Trust me."
"No! NARF! He may have been awful to you- but- that's my best friend! You've only seen his mean and Grumpy side, but he's just-," Pinky's mouth was pinched shut by Julia's paw, all gentle and scary and weird; not at all like when Brain bopped him when he talked too much. That always settled him down enough to think, and Julia didn't seem to want him to think, only shut up or run away.
Clear dark circles hung under her eyes. The cylinder in her ear sparked, and the mental switch flipped again. "You want to be with Brain? Fine. Let's go bother him."
Brain jerked his head up, looking in the direction of the sound of running machinery. The door clicked open and closed, and when his eyes focused, Pinky was on his side of the wall, smiling softly and opening his arms for a hug. Brain didn't approach. He only stared in awe-filled sorrow at Pinky and pressed himself further into the back wall. He was speechless. How could Pinky have chosen to come into this dreadful, inescapable place? He should have run away if Julia was giving him half the grief he wore on his face before. So what made him walk calmly deeper into the belly of the beast? What could make it worth it?
Pinky let his arms go slack, looking down at his friend who now buried his face in his knees. Brain looked like he had given up, but Pinky knew that just couldn't be possible! It was- it was un-Brain-like! He wanted to scoop his smarty best friend up in a big hug, but something about the idea didn't seem quite right. So he sat down on the floor 2 inches to Brain's right and tried to smile knowingly at him.
"Heeeey Brain~. So….. don't you want to go back to the lab? To- to prepare for tomorrow night?" Pinky asked, careful to be cheerful yet quiet. Brain was easy to annoy, and Pinky didn't want him to think HE was upset or anything. Brain answered by falling face first on the floor. Did he faint? Oh Narf, he can't faint! We gotta get out of here! Pinky panicked, almost aloud.
Brain was unfortunately, fully conscious. His shoulders heaved, once- twice; he sobbed quietly into the floor.
"Brain?! Are you feeling alright? What's wrong? ZORT! I'll help fix it, I promise!" Pinky asked, thoroughly confused. Brain hated to be seen crying, so if something was making him cry in front of Pinky, was it Really Awful?
Brain quietly choked out, "the universe at large wants me to fail."
"WHAT?" Pinky cried in disbelief . "No it doesn't! You've got so close to taking over the world so many times! Didn't you say it's what you're meant to do?" he asked, picking up Brain by the face.
"Perhaps I got close a few times, but I always…*snff*… Always fail. It's all a cosmic joke, really. I can get close to getting something right, but…. I never actually succeed…. I can't even make a Valentines gift w- without… it always gets RUINED…. I really am useless." Brain didn't keep talking after that. He just leaned into Pinky's chest and wept.
Pinky held Brain in his lap, letting him get all of this awful feeling out. After all, if he could just cry it out, he'd realize he's not useless, right? He's gonna remember he's a genius who'll rule the world, and maybe someday he'll make things alright with Julia! Yeah, POIT! But he can't do any of those things if he just gives up.
Pinky felt his face burn with anger. Brain had been repeating the same kinds of nasty things Julia said about him when she thought he wasn't listening. How was Brain supposed to learn to be nicer to the people around him if he couldn't be nice to himself? And how was he gonna learn to love himself if the people around him kept being so Mean?
Pinky lifted Brain off his chest and placed him gently on the floor with one of the pillows behind him.
"Pinky?" Brain asked, no longer crying but voice still weepish, "What are you doing?"
Pinky walked up to the wall and stared firmly at the mini-lab's door. "I'm going to get us out of here. You wanna go home?" He asked, begging with his eyes for Brain to say yes.
"Of course! It's all I've wanted us to do since I found this depraved note." He pulled two pieces of paper out of his naturally occurring pockets and put them together. Staring at the whole note for a moment, he felt an itchy sensation on the end of his nose. It turned out to be Pinky breathing on him and reading over his shoulder.
"Wow- POIT! Did I write that? I'm sorry Brain, I don't remember writing one of those dreary "Dear John" letters!" Pinky said.
Brain had calmed down some; hearing that Pinky still wanted to go back to the lab with him lifted his spirits a great deal "No hard feelings, old friend. I'm afraid this is a clever forgery by our former ally, Julia, written in an attempt to drive a wedge between us."
That observation boiled Pinky's blood. First she talked behind Brain's back all night, then she took Pinky away to this place, making him miss out on a valentines gift, Then they had to keep walking barefoot through snow, THEN she made Brain feel all Misribble, and THEN she had WEDGES of cheese that she wasn't sharing? He could put up with a lot (and this author does mean a LOT), but this was too many things in a row! Pinky knocked on the wall three times.
Julia had been waiting patiently on the lobby desk, her plan being for Pinky to confront Brain about his crimes, realize just how awful he was, and then she would finish rescuing him and MAYBE get some good revenge in during the process. She hated to be petty, but she'd been working hard for months while living in this state of "on again, off again" physical and emotional torment. She'd EARNED it. She wasn't evil, and she certainly wasn't stooping down to her adversary's level. Then the code knock came; Pinky was finally ready to leave the Brain's side.
She typed the door code on her reprogrammed Pager-phone. The tell-tale click of the door rang all the way up to where she stood. She waited for Pinky's signal to input the next code. Two stomps. She snapped in another four-number code, the one to close the door, and another for a static-field. Brain wasn't going to get away with any of his tricks here. She climbed down from the desk to greet Pinky when he walked out of her lab. He was there already when she landed on the floor.
Pinky wore a look on his face, set with grim determination. Julia found it almost alarming how serious he looked, her consolation being that it meant he was finally taking her seriously. Then he said something that knocked her flat.
"What do you know!?" he shouted.
She stared at him, utterly shocked. She gathered herself enough to ask, "Pardon me Pinky, but what in hell's bells are you talking about?"
"Brain and I have been together since forever! And I know he's the Smartest, cleverest, Big headed-est Mouse in the whole World! And he wants to make the world a better place for little Mouses like you and me and everybody! I don't always know why he sometimes does awful things, But I know He always makes it right in the end! And he listens to me when I tell him he's got to be nice, and he keeps ALL his Promises!"
Brain marveled at Pinky from behind the desk, amazed with just how much faith he placed in him. He even mentioned Brain's imperfections, all the while praising his goodness and fortitude.
Brain let himself think something generous for a moment. If such a kind, innocent soul believed that despite his flaws, he could be a good, brilliant leader, that he could still make the world better, then, perhaps it was worth it to keep trying…. Even if accomplishing such a thing was impossible. It was enough to make the brilliant leader cry, and it sort of did. Only a moment, he mostly kept it together, for if Julia were to notice Pinky had snuck him out, then it could be curtains for both of them.
Pinky paused to take a deep breath, then spoke again. "But you don't know those things at all do you? You only saw "President Brain" who needed a first lady. And y'know, back then you guys were great. Poit! Perfect even! But now, now you're mean! You pretended to like me to make Brain mad didn't you?"
Julia hung her head, letting her hair cover her eyes.
Pinky stepped closer. "You're a perfect first lady, Julia. But, I'm sorry, you're not a very good friend."
Julia looked up at Pinky, her hair still shadowing her eyes. She mumbled something in a tone laced with poison.
Pinky cocked his head obliviously, "Come again?"
"I said, what do YOU know? You're too stupid to know what a real friend IS!" She screamed. The tube in her ear sparked, she raised her arms, now armored with predatory claws again and heaved to bring them down on Pinky.
A loud, fishy slap interrupted her attack. A pile of wet clothes hit Julia square in the face, followed by a pained cry from the Brain. "NOW!" he shouted, gripping his right arm.
Both white mice bolted for the slightly opened front door, the chill air hitting them from halfway across the lobby. Running side by side, Pinky noticed Brain holding his shoulder in pain.
"Brain! Are you alright?"
"Oh, this? I was trying not to take too many risks tonight, so I let one part of my body take most of the damage. I suppose it's dislocated now, but I'll have to attend to that later," Brain explained, huffing with exhaustion.
"Here- NARF! Let me get that for you!" Pinky exclaimed, scooping up Brain up in his arms bridal style. Hearing Julia shriek behind them, and holding Brain carefully so as not to jostle him around, Pinky picked up speed and tucked through the inch-wide opening. He long jumped into what felt like a foot of snow, flipping over so Brain could land on him.
Pinky ran them both a short way off before falling over in the snow again. Brain lifted as much of Pinky off of himself as he could with one arm, looking at the door they escaped through. It shuddered as though the beast on the other side was trying to knock it down. But even though the door was slightly open, she never came out.
The snow was deep enough to block any other doors, and firmly packed enough for the pair to walk up and have a seat inside a payphone. Pinky suggested calling a cab to pick them up, but Brain, ever sensible, reminded him that the snow was going to be far too deep for any commercial cars until it was plowed. Then Pinky absolutely gobsmacked Brain by suggesting they ride the plow back home. It was an inspired idea, only they couldn't possibly know when a plow would come by that part of town. Then Pinky mentioned he only brought up the idea because he saw one coming down the street toward them. They chased it down and after some considerable effort, mostly on Pinky's part, they were sitting pretty on top of the orange signal light, Brain nestled carefully in Pinky's lap.
"Finally, we can go back to the lab, have dinner, and prepare for tomorrow night!"
"Oooooh! You made dinner, Brain?"
"Well," Brain remarked bashfully, "I went out and picked up something I thought you'd like."
"Dawwww, I'm sure I'll love it, especially if it's got cheddar on top!"
Brain did a small victory fist pump with his good arm.
"Zort! So what are we going to do tomorrow night?" asked Pinky.
"I don't have any fully formed plans for world domination yet, but I do have an inkling about discounted post-holiday candy bins that may set us well on our way."
And he prattled on about it all the way home.
Brain was not usually the type for such petty displays of affection, and Pinky knew that. But after the night they had both had, they treated each other with special care, from bandaging wounds to warming up dinner. It was a very special occasion, and even though they would go back to business as usual the morning after, there was still an understanding between them.