Set after the events of "Repression" (S7, Ep 4). An insight as to why 'Voyager' went back to normal after the mutiny. References to "The Killing Game" (S4, Ep 18 and 19) and "Night" (S5, Ep 1).

"Decompression"

Captain Janeway had been holed up in her Ready Room all morning—not unusual, in and of itself. Perfectly normal.

But Chakotay felt paranoia creeping up his neck, whispering in his ear, needling his brain: She's angry at you. She doesn't want to speak to you. She doesn't trust you.

He'd been on edge ever since returning to duty. He tried to focus on his tasks, but his vision seemed fuzzy, and his fingers unsteady on the terminals. His heart trembled every time he looked over at her. When she excused herself to her Ready Room, it was as if the blood had been drained from him, leaving him numb.

She would remove him as First Officer. She should remove him as First Officer. He should offer his resignation, let her choose somebody more trustworthy—but he couldn't bring himself to do that. He couldn't bring himself to be the one to separate them, to walk away from her—he still loved her, still wanted to be near her, wanted to make it up to her any way he could—

-a chirp on his combadge broke in. "Commander Chakotay, could I see you in my Ready Room, please?"

His heart lurched, then sank. This was it. His hand shook as he tapped his combadge. "Yes, Captain." He felt the tremor in his voice. Surely the rest of the Bridge heard it?

The short walk from his seat to her Ready Room felt like a million light years, with mud sucking at his every step. His finger jabbed at the entry key several times, hitting it at an odd angle and sliding away. His face burning, he managed to hit the right button to make the door slide open.

He stepped through, his vision blurring from shame and despair, only able to see a watery vision of her, sitting on her sofa. He blinked hard, trying to sharpen his eyes, before taking a deep breath in hopes of keeping his voice from shaking. "You wanted to see me, Captain?"

She smiled her brilliant smile, eyes sparkling at him as she patted the seat by her. "Come, have a seat. I have coffee, if you'd like some."

He stood there, unsure of what he heard. She seemed….normal?

He stepped up to the dais, carefully making his way to the sofa and accepting the proffered cup of coffee. His hand trembled, sloshing some of the brown liquid over the side. He quickly snatched up a napkin to wipe it up, hoping to cover his shakiness and his fear of looking her in the eyes.

She waved a PADD around, not paying any attention to the mishap. "After spending all morning going over engine and warp core reports, I finally got a more fun memo to read. Neelix has some great ideas for a crew re-integration get-together, and I wanted to see what you thought." She handed the PADD over to him, continuing, "We both agreed calling it a 'party' might feel a little inappropriate to all sides, but we felt it important to get the family back together, so to speak, so we were thinking something a little more low-key. I personally lean towards trivia teams, but Neelix heard about 'Have You Ever?' and has his heart set on that. What do you think?"

Chakotay stared, unseeing, at the PADD before raising his eyes up to hers. Her smile was warm as ever, even quirky with mischief. His throat choked, as he stuttered out, "I—I—"

Her sweet face suddenly grew alarmed. "Chakotay? What's wrong?"

Her concern—genuine concern—undid him. The PADD slipped from his fingers to the sofa cushion, dropping his head into one hand while squeezing the other into a fist, inhaling deeply, trying to regain control of himself.

Then he felt her small hand press up against his chest, as was her habit. "Chakotay…" she whispered.

He raised his face back up to look at her, dropping his hand to hold her hers to him. In disbelief, he whispered, "How can….how can you sit there as if—you don't hate me for what I've done?"

She stared at him, incredulously. "Hate you? Why would I…" She trailed off, staring at him in shock. "Chakotay—you think I blame you for what happened?" Miserably, he nodded his assent. Her fingers clutched against him in dismay, gasping, "I had no idea….oh, Chakotay…." Her free hand covered her mouth, as her eyes ran over his face.

There was a long silence between them, as blue eyes locked onto the dark brown ones that were begging for forgiveness. Her hand dropped from her mouth, joining with the other one to squeeze his fingers tight in comfort. She took a deep breath of her own. "Chakotay….I won't lie and say I didn't have a few bad turns at first, once it was all over, but—I never held you, or the rest of the Maquis responsible for what Teero did." Her hands squeezed his again, a thumb running over his skin. "And I know what it's like to be mind-controlled. Remember when the Hirogen had us in that World War II scenario? I nearly put a bullet in Seven's head then, and if I had….we'd still be the prey in their hunting games."

He dropped his eyes before exhaling a bit. "It's….not quite the same, though," he started. "In that scenario, you didn't know who you really were, and you didn't know who Seven really was. But I knew…." Another silence grew between them, as Kathryn tried to marshal her thoughts.

"What you are in the dark," she suddenly murmured. Chakotay looked back up at her, confused. "The Malon? The void? You remember….." She trailed off, gathering her courage. "I…wasn't in a good place then. And I was going to….." Kathryn couldn't quite finish the thought out loud. Now Chakotay squeezed her hands, offering her strength. "But you….." She looked him full in the face, "….you wouldn't let me. And you rounded up the crew, Starfleet and Maquis alike, and all of you stood up to keep me…." She took a shuddering breath. "And you didn't have to. If you'd truly wanted me dead before, there was your chance, and I was handing it to you on a silver platter." Absently, she rubbed her thumb against his skin again. "I did quite a bit of reading on Teero," she went on. "When you said he was an extremist, you weren't exaggerating. I realized that Teero's—aims—would have been to have all the Starfleet crew executed. But you were going to drop us off on an M-class planet, you sabotaged the phaser you gave to Tuvok….." She leaned forward, dropping her forehead to touch his. "I think there was a part of you fighting Teero as hard as you could. I believe that with all my heart."

The tremor in Chakotay's heart stilled as warm relief washed through him. He raised her hands to his lips, softly pressing a kiss on them. "Thank you for that," He murmured. "You have no idea how much it means—I'm so sorry."

Kathryn raised her lips to his forehead and placed a gentle kiss of her own there, in understanding, before pulling away, a sweet smile on her lips. "But there is still one thing we need to address," she said, with that sweet smile twitching into impishness. "Trivia teams, or 'Have You Ever?'"

Chakotay laughed, and picked up the forgotten PADD, peace filling his heart and soul again.