Chapter 26: Time To Say Goodbye
Gemma tapped her foot under the table impatiently as she forced herself to take a bite of her breakfast. She wasn't hungry. She was too nervous.
She looked out the tall windows of the Great Hall, hoping to catch a glimpse of the first morning owl delivering letters and news, but nothing. Still nothing. "Come on." She muttered under her breath.
"Why is it taking so long?" Alice asked, looking equally impatient and stressed. "The owls are usually here by now." She glanced at each of the girls. "Aren't they?"
Lily exchanged a small smile with Mary before reaching out and touching both Gemma and Alice's wrists. "They'll be here soon. And you both have nothing to worry about. You'll have made the programme."
Merlin, Gemma hoped so. Today was the Fourth of April. A Wednesday. A seemingly normal day. Except today was the day Gemma and Alice would find out whether they had made the Auror Programme. Today was the day Gemma would find out whether her lifetime dream would actually become a reality.
She took another deep breath and calmed her nerves. She'd done everything she could. She'd worked hard, achieved consistently high grades, received excellent teacher recommendations - including one from Dumbledore - and had delivered a good essay about her hopes and dreams as an Auror. She had done enough. Surely she had done enough?
"They're coming." Mary whispered, pointing to the flock of owls now visible through the windows of the Great Hall. Gemma froze as she watched each one soar into the wide room and drop letters and packages and newspapers in front of their destined students. Her eye caught sight of a beautiful and rare Great Horned owl, and she found herself unable to look away. She tracked its movement, tracked the letter in its beak, tracked the fall of that letter until it sat on the table in front of her, her name scrawled in elegant writing, the stamp of The Ministry of Magic embossed on the top left corner.
Her heart beat faster and faster as she reached for the letter. Taking one more deep breath, she tore the letter open and scanned the page. There was so much text. So many words. Suddenly her eye caught on the big bold writing, half way down the page.
We are pleased to inform you, Gemma Arwin, that you have been accepted into The Ministry of Magic's Auror Training Programme…
She'd been accepted. She was going to Auror Training. She was going to be an Auror. Her dream was coming true. A huge wave of emotion threatened to spill out of her, but she kept herself in check. She looked up at Alice, who was staring back at her expectantly. Merlin, Gemma really hoped they had both gotten in.
"Well?" Mary demanded. "Tell us!"
"I got in." Alice whispered, her face breaking out into a huge grin.
"Me too." Gemma added, grinning just as wide.
Mary screamed in excitement while Lily shouted "Yes!" and the four of them bounced in their seats, grinning from ear to ear and reviewing the two letters they had been sent. Both were identical – clearly a standard printing job – and included details of their required NEWT results, plus an extreme amount of information over what they should expect from the programme and what The Ministry would expect from them in return. Gemma vowed to read the letter fully later; right now, she just wanted to celebrate.
As they ate their breakfast – Gemma suddenly had a full appetite again – they talked and smiled and laughed and celebrated, and Gemma realised just how much she was going to miss her friends for the twelve months she'd be away in training. She'd be seeing Alice most days, but Lily and Mary would be out in the world, doing their own thing. Mary had another week to wait before she would know if she had been accepted into Healer training, and Lily had applied to work at a couple of local primary schools where the wizarding population was high. Given her muggle heritage and her fantastic ability to work with younger students, Gemma had no doubt she'd be accepted for at least one of those roles.
After breakfast, Gemma scribbled a quick, excited note to her parents, and ran to the owlery before her first class. As she arrived outside Charms, she spotted her friends up ahead, Alice talking animatedly about something.
"You're going to be awesome, Alice." James said, just as Gemma joined them. "The Auror world won't know what hit them." Gemma smiled. Alice and James were now definitely closer to being actual friends, and it was clear they respected each other a lot. James turned to Gemma. "You too, Gemma. Congratulations on getting accepted."
Gemma grinned as the others all echoed James's comment, and she bounced on her toes in excitement. "Thanks."
As conversation moved to Mary's Healer application, Sirius touched Gemma's arm and pulled her back slightly. He smiled down at her, but she noticed it didn't quite reach his eyes. His beautiful eyes that she studied way too often. "Congratulations, Gem. I knew you'd get in." He pulled her in for a hug and Gemma fell into his warm embrace. It was short but sweet.
"Thanks, Sirius." She smiled up at him. "Now I just need to get my NEWT results. So no more distracting me in class." She jokingly poked her finger against his chest and he chuckled slightly, grabbing it in his fist.
"You know I can't promise you that. I enjoy distracting you."
She rolled her eyes as they both laughed, then they headed into class and took their seats. The lesson was another mock exam, but Gemma found her mind kept wandering to the man sat beside her.
She was going to miss Sirius. A lot. Now that she had her acceptance, the reality of her situation was starting to sink in. She would be leaving Hogwarts and heading into an intense Auror Training Programme that would leave her isolated from her family and friends for twelve full months. She was okay with that, but somehow it hit her harder when she thought of Sirius. They'd spent almost every day together since the start of sixth year, and their relationship was different now. More intimate.
She reminded herself that there wasn't more to their relationship than friendship and hot, hot sex, but still, she'd gotten used to it. She loved it when he grabbed her and kissed her and made her feel things she'd only read about in books. He'd brought her to life in ways she'd never imagined, and she wondered if she'd ever find another man who could do that. Merlin, the thought of being so intimate with any other man made her cringe slightly. And her chest hurt at the thought of Sirius with other women. Which was stupid. She pushed that thought aside.
"Fifteen minutes left, class." Flitwick called from the front.
Gemma sighed and turned back to her exam. She'd just told Sirius that she didn't need him distracting her, and yet, here she was, getting distracted by him all on her own. She shook her head and concentrated. Now was not the time to let all her hard work unravel. Becoming an Auror had always been – and would always be – her number one priority.
Sirius looked at the exam in front of him. He'd written enough to pass, but he knew it wasn't his best work. He'd been distracted. Gemma had been accepted into Auror Training which meant she would be disappearing from his life for twelve months.
He frowned hard as he processed the news. He knew this day was coming; he knew this was Gemma's dream and he never had any doubts that she would be accepted, but for some reason it was still hitting him hard. Which was ridiculous, because he wasn't exactly planning on hanging around, himself. He'd be off, seeing the world. So even if Gemma hadn't been heading off into an immersive programme that hid her from the world for twelve months, he still wouldn't have seen her.
Except… maybe he would have. Maybe he would have visited – he certainly intended to come back on occasion to see James and Remus and Peter – and maybe he would have encouraged Gemma to visit some places with him, see the world and experience new cultures.
Shit. He needed to stop thinking stupid thoughts and focus on reality. They were moving on with their lives, they were growing up. They would remain friends, seeing each other as and when they could, and that was just the way of life. She'd become an Auror, probably meet some ridiculously handsome and equally powerful Auror, get married and have a kid. And he'd explore the world, meet new people every day, new women every day, and enjoy the freedom.
Sirius shifted in his seat. Why did those thoughts leave a sour taste in his mouth?
"Five more minutes, then I'll be collecting your answers." Flitwick called from the front. "Your results will appear later today."
Sirius frowned at his parchment. He wondered if he'd even manage an 'Acceptable' at this rate.
The final five minutes felt more like five seconds, and suddenly Sirius was heading to his next class, Transfiguration. Once again they were instructed to complete a mock exam and once again Sirius figured he'd done just enough to scrape through with an A. He mentally shook himself. What was wrong with him today? Why did he feel so… agitated?
"Mr Black." McGonagall called from the front of the class as they packed away their items. "Please stay for a moment."
Sirius sighed and gave his friends a quick smile as they shuffled out of the room. Did McGonagall somehow know already that he'd barely written anything on his test?
"Mr Black, please take a seat." She gestured to the seat in front of her large desk and Sirius managed to hold himself back from throwing himself into the chair like a stroppy child. He really didn't want to be here. McGonagall stared at him for a moment, her lips pursed. "I'm sure you're aware, most students received acceptance letters today from The Ministry, with others due to receive letters in the next seven to ten days."
Yep. Sirius definitely didn't want to be here. "Yes, Professor."
"I understand that you have not applied for any jobs."
"No, Professor."
"I see." McGonagall firmed her lips once again, as if waiting for him to respond. But what could he say? He'd told her of his plans last March and nothing had changed. Well, except his uncle's death, which now meant he actually had the funds to travel the world. McGonagall sighed. "I had expected you to reconsider and apply for some jobs. I hear Miss Evans is applying for work within the muggle community. You do not have to restrict yourself to our world, as long as you are sensible with your powers."
Once again, Sirius didn't say anything. He knew Lily had applied to work at muggle schools. Just as James and Remus and Peter had all applied for boring Ministry jobs. Just as Mary had applied to be a Healer and Alice and Gemma were being accepted as Aurors. He knew all this. That everyone else had made plans, and he hadn't. Except he had. Just not the plans McGonagall liked.
"There are still some openings within The Ministry." McGonagall continued, spouting off about how great certain departments were. Sirius didn't listen. He'd heard it all before and he still wasn't interested. "I really think you should consider your future, Mr Black." She said, her tone firm and unrelenting. "You have a lot to offer this world, and you're wasting your talent."
He kept quiet, and McGonagall simply sighed and shook her head slightly. Sirius clenched his fists. He hated this feeling; that he was a disappointment, especially when he hadn't done anything wrong. Of everyone from the Black family tree, why was he the one who was a disappointment? Why was he the one who got told off for not doing more? Why was he the one who wasn't allowed to do whatever the hell he liked, despite his dream not actually killing anyone!
Sirius took a deep breath and steadied himself, unclenching his fists. He wouldn't shout. He wouldn't scream or rage or bang his fist. He would stand up, and walk away. It was all he could do.
"What did McGonagall want?" Remus asked him later, as they sat in bed about to go to sleep.
Sirius sighed. He'd managed to survive the rest of the day without having to explain to his friends why McGonagall had kept him back, but he should have known they'd ask eventually. "She just wanted to talk about career options. I reminded her that I'm not interested."
James chuckled. "I bet that went down well." Sirius forced a laugh. James had it right, and rather than doing what he usually did – brushing it aside and forgetting about it – Sirius just felt like shit.
"Did you hear back from The Department of Mysteries?" Peter asked, turning to Remus.
Remus shook his head. "Nothing yet, but I think they're slower to respond than other departments. I should hear in the next week."
Remus had applied for a job as an Unspeakable, but Sirius could tell his friend wasn't optimistic. He'd had to reveal he was a werewolf during his application, and despite Dumbledore issuing a letter of recommendation alongside, Remus had no expectations that he would get the job. Unfortunately, few places would be willing to accept a werewolf. Which was stupid; any business would be lucky to have Remus on their side.
"Fingers crossed for you." James said, giving Remus an encouraging smile. "I'm gutted I didn't get an interview with the Department of Magical Games and Sports."
"I can't believe that." Remus replied. "You're Gryffindors best Chaser. In fact, you're Hogwarts best Chaser!"
James smiled. "Thanks. They said they just had too many applicants and only one role going right now." He shrugged. "At least I've got that interview with the Department of Magical Transportation though."
Sirius closed his eyes as Remus and Peter responded and started talking about the various applications, interviews and acceptances the seven Gryffindors had all received. He wasn't in the mood for this; to hear about how all of his friends were doing exactly what McGonagall wanted of them. They were planning their lives, their futures. They were growing up.
The light switched off and Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't that he wasn't growing up. He was just choosing to do it differently. He was going to experience things, learn things, see things his friends had only read about in books. He was growing up, just differently.
A week later, more letters from The Ministry of Magic arrived and Gemma was thrilled that Mary had been accepted into the Healer Training Programme. Like the Auror programme, the Healer programme was an intense year of training, but individuals didn't have to live away from home and they were allowed contact with family and friends.
Gemma fought back the surge of jealousy. Never before had she wished that she could have contact with her family and friends during her training, but now it was all she could think about. She ignored the fact that Sirius was always top of mind when she thought that.
Instead, she focused on Mary, who would be spending almost every waking hour at St Mungo's, and with her Healer love-interest, Stephen McKay.
Mary was holding a letter tightly in her hand. "He says 'congratulations' and that he's really excited to see me again and that he's missed me and he can't wait for us to spend more time together."
Gemma smiled, excited for her friend. The four of them were in their dorm, taking a break from studying during one of their free periods, and catching up on news. "Doesn't he say that in every letter he writes to you?"
Mary blushed and grinned. "Yes! I love how often he tells me he misses me. And I miss him so much too. Honestly girls, I think I've fallen in love already."
They all laughed at Mary's exaggerated tone, but Gemma suspected there was some truth to it. In the last few months, Mary and Stephen had been writing to each almost every week, and not just about how much they missed each other. Gemma had caught glimpses of the letters passed between them, and they were filled with stories and questions and affectionate comments and endearments. It was clear that Stephen was just as interested in Mary's life as Mary was in his. It was perfect; Mary was finally getting her happy ending.
"Will you be seeing him much, while you're in training?" Alice asked, throwing herself onto her bed.
Mary shrugged. "We're not sure. He said that when he was training, he was assigned to work with a few different Healers day to day, as the best way of learning is to be quite hands on. So there's a chance I could be assigned to work with him, but we've both agreed that if that happens, we'll ask to move me to someone else."
"How come?" Lily asked.
"Well, I don't want things to get awkward or difficult if it doesn't work out between us. Plus, me learning under him and failing or making mistakes might not be the best way to start a relationship. We both agree it's better that we don't work together, and allow things between us to happen naturally."
Gemma and Lily nodded – that did make sense – but Alice was chuckling quietly to herself. Gemma frowned at her friend. "What are you laughing at?"
"Just that Mary might still be learning some things under him." They all burst out laughing and Mary hid her face behind her hands as she shook her head at Alice.
After composing themselves, Mary turned to Alice. "Have you heard from Frank?"
Alice shook her head. "Other than that quick note last week after I got accepted, no. But he said he'd write in a few weeks."
Frank was only able to write once every couple of months due to his training being so intense, but Gemma knew Alice was understanding. It had hit her hard at first, but she was used to it now. When Gemma started her own training, she was only able to communicate with one other person, and her mum had already begged her to be that person. Gemma had agreed, knowing her mum would do a good job of keeping Lily and Mary up to date, and sharing their news in return.
Gemma suddenly realised Alice was still talking. "He did mention that loads of Aurors visit the training facility quite regularly though, so I'm hoping that means I'll be seeing him more even when I'm in training."
"Oh I hope so!" Mary replied. "That would be amazing!"
"I know. I think they don't want you distracted by family and friends who aren't part of the Ministry's war movement, but given Frank will be a fully fledged Auror by then, I'm hoping we can claim our time together as 'training'."
Gemma laughed. "Do you intend to be 'trained' under Frank, Alice?"
Alice grinned in response. "Merlin, yes! I need that man back in my life. I need sex! Especially with you two going at it like rabbits." She nodded towards Gemma and Lily.
Lily responded first, a look of shock on her face. "James and I do not go at it like rabbits! We've had sex a few times, but nowhere near as often as Gemma and Sirius."
She looked pointedly at Gemma, who just laughed and held her hands up. "Blame Sirius." He wasn't there, so she could pretend it was all him. "He initiates it and it would be rude of me to say no."
They all laughed. "Oh yes." Alice said, in mock agreement. "So rude. It must be so difficult for you."
Gemma faked a sigh. "It is. It's so hard."
"I'll bet!" Mary suddenly said, and they all burst out laughing at the innuendo.
Composing themselves again, they turned their conversation to other news from around the school – including the girl in sixth year who had clearly been eyeing up Remus from afar – but Gemma's mind stayed on Sirius.
All week she'd been tossing and turning at night, thinking about how different her life would be when Sirius wasn't in it every day. She was excited for Auror training, and it was everything she had ever wanted, but the thought of not seeing Sirius at all – of not even being able to write to him – made her feel a little sick. It confused her, and weighed heavily on her mind.
"Gemma?"
She looked up at Lily, who had her eyebrows raised and a small smile on her lips. Damn, she'd drifted off into her own head. Something she was doing a lot of lately.
"Sorry, Lily. What did you ask?"
Lily laughed a little. "I asked if you fancied joining me at the library to work on Potions. Mary's coming, but Alice is staying here."
Gemma sighed. She knew she should go with them, but as she hadn't slept well the night before, she really wasn't ready to dive into the world of Potions. And if Alice was staying… "I'll stay here too. I'm too tired to concentrate. Better I get some rest and work on it later."
Lily and Mary nodded, then left together, chatting about Slughorn's Slug Club.
Alice suddenly turned fully towards her. "What's going on, Gemma? You've been getting distracted all week. Is everything ok?"
It shouldn't have surprised her that Alice had noticed she was off kilter. But she could hardly explain why; that she was miserable thinking about how much she was going to miss Sirius. Because then she'd have to explain why she was miserable about missing Sirius, and Gemma really didn't want to face that right now. So instead she just nodded. "I'm fine."
"Hmm." Alice looked sceptical, and Gemma hoped her friend would drop the subject.
She forced a big smile. "Honestly, Alice. I'm fine."
"Well, ok." She still didn't look convinced, but she moved the topic on. "Can you believe in three months we'll be heading to training? I can't believe it's finally happening. I feel like I've been waiting years for this moment, but maybe that's just because Frank's been away and I'm so desperate to join him."
Gemma nodded, sadness creeping in again. "I know. I can't believe we only have two months left at Hogwarts. It's crazy." Only two months left with Sirius.
"Ok, why aren't you happier about that?" Alice said, her tone suddenly firm. "Leaving Hogwarts, going to Auror training; these are good things."
"I know. And I am happy. I'm fine."
Alice narrowed her eyes. "You're not. You're distracted. All week you haven't been enthusiastic about training, but I figured maybe I was overly enthusiastic because I was just so excited to see Frank. But it's more than that, isn't it? You're not excited to go, are you?"
"I am. I really am." And that was the truth; Gemma was excited. "I'm just… going to miss everyone. My family. Lily, Mary. The guys." Alice just stared at her, and she shifted under the scrutiny.
"The guys? Or Sirius?"
Damn. Her friend was too astute sometimes. Gemma sighed. "I'll miss all of them. But yes, I'll obviously miss Sirius too."
"You'll miss him a lot, won't you?"
Gemma fought back the wave of emotion that threatened to spill. What the hell was wrong with her? She simply nodded.
"Oh, Gemma." Alice was suddenly beside her, wrapping her up in her arms. "Do you… do you have feelings for Sirius?"
Gemma leaned into her friend and sighed. "I don't know. I know I'm going to miss him. A lot. I love being around him. He makes me laugh so much. And obviously the sex is amazing. Really, really amazing." She chuckled with Alice, before turning back to her friend. "I don't know how I feel. I'm sad that I'm going to be leaving Sirius behind, but I know that he's also leaving me. And I'm so happy for him to go off and live his dream. I am excited about Auror training. I'm not prepared to give that up. It's my dream. It's everything I've ever wanted."
Alice smiled at her. "Good. I don't want you to give it up. It's everything you've been working towards since you were eleven years old. Probably even before that."
Gemma laughed. Definitely before that. But it had become more of a reality once she had started Hogwarts. And once she had met Alice, who shared the same dream. "I still remember the moment we met. You came and sat down next to me at the Gryffindor table and we were both so nervous but trying so hard to be brave."
"I recognised your surname when you were sorted and I knew I had to sit next to you. If anyone was going to understand a young girls dream of becoming an Auror, it was you."
Gemma smiled and leaned further into Alice. "I was so happy you did. I honestly didn't know whether I would make any friends. I always had trouble at primary school."
"Me too. Apparently I was quite headstrong as a child."
Gemma laughed. "Determined was the word my teachers used. As well as confident, stubborn…"
"Wilful!" Alice added, grinning. They both laughed at their similarities.
For a long moment, Gemma just sat with Alice, thinking everything over. She'd finally admitted the truth; that her feelings for Sirius were changing, even if she didn't fully understand them. She needed more time to think. Maybe some space. It was always hard to concentrate when Sirius was standing in front of her, looking gorgeous and suggesting they go have sex somewhere. How was she supposed to turn that down?
She pulled back from Alice, and looked at her friend. "Don't tell the others, please." Alice nodded in agreement instantly, but Gemma continued anyway. "I don't want to have to explain my feelings, especially when I don't know what my feelings are."
"I understand."
"Thank you."
"I'm always here for you, Gemma. Whatever you need, I'm here."
"Thank you." Giving Alice one more hug, Gemma took a deep breath and told herself everything would be ok. She'd work out her feelings for Sirius, and she'd move on from them. No doubt she was just overly emotional about getting into Auror training – it was her lifelong dream, after all – plus the stress and importance of her upcoming NEWT exams.
Immediately she felt better as everything clicked into place. Yes. That was definitely it.
A few days later, Gemma was less certain that everything had clicked into place. Her conversation with Alice had been flying around her head, and every time Sirius had approached her, she'd fled the scene. It was cowardly, but she knew he would suggest they disappear together, and she knew she'd have a difficult time saying no.
She needed space to sort through her feelings. Because she was starting to panic that the one thing she didn't want – the one thing Sirius didn't want – was actually happening.
Blinking her eyes to clear the fuzziness from further lack of sleep, Gemma looked down at the parchment in front of her. It was an example exam from a previous year, and gave Gemma some excellent insight into the types of questions she'd be asked during her NEWTs. Shame she wasn't able to fully concentrate on it.
It was getting late and the fire in the common room was burning low. There weren't many other students around; in fact, Gemma wasn't sure where any of her friends were.
Determined to push through her mental fog, Gemma grabbed her wand and added some sparks to the fire to bring more light and warmth to the room. Then she settled back down with her practice exam, and focused on answering the questions.
Making steady progress – and losing herself in a question on dark cloud constellations – Gemma almost jumped out of her skin when the common room door flew open.
"I'm fine." Sirius growled as he marched into the room. Gemma gasped as she took in his appearance. The left side of his face was bleeding, a bruise was appearing on his right cheek, his robes had been torn and she could see cuts and scratches all over his body.
"Sirius!" She jumped up and ran towards him. Merlin, what had happened? Was he ok? How bad were his injuries? Her heart beat at a frantic pace, the sight of Sirius hurt and bleeding triggering an intense panic through her body.
James stepped through the door. "You're not fine. Not only are you bleeding all over the floor, but you just put Smethyck and Garth in the hospital wing. Nothing about this evening is fine."
Sirius just scowled at James. "Smethyck and Garth had it coming. The bloody idiots. And I am fine. Only a few cuts. It takes a lot more than this…" He waved his hand up and down his body. "…to make me not fine."
James sighed just as Sirius threw himself into a chair, then winced. Out of the corner of her eye, Gemma could see Remus and Peter walking in, but she kept her focus on Sirius, hating the sight of so much blood on him. "Sirius."
He looked up at her, as if seeing her for the first time. "Gem." He looked happy to see her, and her heart did a silly little flip.
She smiled back at him. "Hey. What happened?" She drew out her wand, needing to clean and heal his wounds. Needing to know for certain that he was ok.
"Idiot Slytherins happened." He shrugged. "But I'm fine." He stared pointedly at James, who just rolled his eyes. Remus and Peter huffed out an exhausted breath too. Gemma imagined they'd been having this same conversation for the last few minutes.
She sat on the chair next to him. "Ok, well sit still while I fix you up."
"Don't bother." James said, as Sirius leaned back and closed his eyes. "He wouldn't let any of us…" James paused just as Gemma placed her palm against his cheek and touched the tip of her wand to the cut on his forehead. "…touch him."
Gemma ignored James's comment, and focused instead on Sirius. She healed each of his cuts quickly, reduced the size of his bruise, then washed away the blood with a little water. She gently moved his head from side to side, then ran her hands over parts of his body to check everything was healed.
Unable to resist, she placed her palm back against his cheek. She did manage to resist the urge to run her fingers through his hair, though. She loved his hair, but that wouldn't have been appropriate here. "There." She said, smiling at him. "All fixed."
Sirius opened his eyes and smiled back at her. Once again her damn heart flip-flopped. "Thanks, Gem."
She needed to remove her hand from his face. She needed to stand up and step away. But she couldn't.
As she stared into Sirius's eyes, everything from the last few days came crashing back to her; the sadness she felt at leaving Sirius, the ache at the idea of him disappearing from her life and finding other women to be with, the panic and fear just then that he'd been injured and hurt. Her heart beat erratically as the reality of everything she'd been fighting – everything she'd been denying – came toppling down upon her.
She was falling in love with Sirius.
Sirius's own hand came up and rested over hers. The heat from his touch sent her emotions spinning once more; she needed to get away from him. His eyes heated and a new, sensual smile that she knew far too well, appeared on his face. "Why don't we ditch these losers and fix another ache I have."
Her core flooded with heat despite her mind telling her to back away. She couldn't do it. She couldn't be with Sirius while her heart… her heart, dammit, wanted more.
Shaking her head, Gemma pulled herself away. "I… I can't." She stood up and ignored the confusion on Sirius's face. "I… urm… I have work to do."
Without giving him time to respond, Gemma ran up the the stairs to her dorm. It was cowardly, but she needed a moment. She needed to hide. She needed…
She sighed. She didn't know what she needed.
Closing the door behind her, Gemma leant back, her breathing laboured. She closed her eyes to the pain. To the ache in her heart that she'd done the one thing she'd promised herself she wouldn't do. The one thing Sirius had never, ever wanted and would never, ever want. Merlin's beard, it was something she didn't want.
Yet here she was. Falling in love with her friend who would never love her back.
Sirius frowned as he watched Gemma walk away. She'd been acting differently – distant and distracted – for a few days, but he'd put it down to stress. Now she'd been accepted into the Auror programme, it was imperative that she get the grades she needed. Nothing would be worse than getting accepted, only to fail at the last hurdle.
He now wondered if something else was going on.
"Smooth."
Sirius rolled his eyes at James who was smirking at him from the other side of the common room. "Shut up."
James just laughed and made his way over to him. "Was that the first time Gemma turned you down? You look wounded."
"More wounded than when you were bleeding on the carpet." Peter added, also smirking as he and Remus joined James and Sirius.
"Shut up." Sirius said again, annoyed that his friends had seen the rejection. It wasn't often that Gemma turned him down… in fact, he wasn't sure she ever had. She always seemed to be just as up for it as he was. "I'm not wounded. I don't care."
James carried on chuckling to himself. "You care."
Sirius frowned. He didn't want to think too hard about the truth in James's comment. He did care. Gemma had been pulling away from him for days, and coupled with the fact that they were going to be finishing school in just a couple of months, he didn't like thinking that things between them were ending.
Because that was exactly what it felt like. Most people would think he was reading too much into her one rejection, but Sirius could somehow feel it. Gemma didn't want to have sex with him anymore, and that realisation weighed heavy on his chest.
"You going to finally talk now?" James asked, interrupting his thoughts.
Sirius turned to his best friend. He knew what James was asking. "Not much to talk about. Smethyck and Garth were making stupid comments, so I shut them up."
"You put them in the hospital wing." Remus added, looking concerned. "You're lucky you only got one detention with McGonagall."
Sirius didn't reply. He knew he was damn lucky not to have gotten more, but he just couldn't bring himself to feel too bad about it.
He'd been minding his own business when Smethyck and Garth had appeared out of nowhere. They'd cornered him and started talking shit about him, his friends and Gemma. He'd take their name calling any day of the week, and Merlin, he even managed to let the comments about Peter and Remus slide. But when they'd insulted Gemma; when they'd spoken about Mulciber and Lestrange and the plans the two of them had for her… Sirius had seen red. The two idiots deserved to be lying in the hospital wing tonight.
"They were chatting shit about you guys." Sirius simply said; a half truth. His friends didn't need to know the details about Gemma. "They had it coming to them."
His three friends stared at him for a moment, none of them looking completely convinced. They knew him too well; they knew he didn't usually blow up over something so trivial as a few nasty comments. Especially from people like Smethyck and Garth, who weren't exactly the brightest. It was well known that they were mostly talk and no action. But Sirius hadn't been able to stop himself, and even with a detention from McGonagall looming over him, he couldn't regret it. He'd fight anyone who threatened Gemma.
And that was something he refused to think too much about.