A/N: Am I writing a Christmas story in the middle of one of the hottest summers in the seventeen years that I am alive? Hell yeah! This is a Rolivia Romance one-shot, set in early season 13.
I hope you enjoy it!
The entire squad room is decorated with Christmas lights and mistletoes hanging from the sealing. There is even a Christmas tree, perfectly decorated, on your right the minute you walk into the bullpen. The place practically looked like Santa had threw up in there.
She walks in and looks around, surprised by the sudden change in decoration. Back in Atlanta the precinct she worked had always a cloudy note to it. The first Christmas she had spent as a detective with the Atlanta PD, she had dared suggest they bring the Christmas spirit in the place and all the old boys laughed at her. She loved Christmas, but after that she just stayed silent and smiled tightly. Anything to please the boys' club.
It is Christmas Eve and since she has nothing better to do at this time of the year, being alone in an entirely new city, having made close to zero friends, if we exclude Fin who had taken a liking at her, she turns to work. There is a stack of paperwork on her desk that seemed to grow bigger and bigger by the day, so she came in an hour earlier to catch up with it.
After seeing how beautiful the place looked, what a great vibe it gave away, she couldn't help but think how the hell is she going to focus now.
She approaches her desk while still looking around like a fool. Trees, lights, mistletoes she loved them all. She missed them all. She can't even remember the last time she had spent the holiday season with someone or the last time she had decorated a tree to celebrate the birth of Jesus.
She sighs sadly, only now realizing how much she had gotten caught up in her demons that she had forgotten how the bright side of life looked like. And it looked exactly like the squad room did. It is so bright and colorful, the usually serious facade gone and happy emotions taking its place.
She hangs her handbag on her desk's chair and shrugs off her winter coat. The janitor has probably turned the hit up because she can feel the sweat forming on her forehead and upper lip, despite her light clothing. She quickly pulls them up in a messy bun and heads towards the break room to make some coffee.
She chuckles when she sees that yet another tree, a small version of the one at the entrance, is next to the coffee machine. The coffee machine on which someone had put a Santa hat on that had sewed on it with red thread 'Ho Ho Ho'. She makes her coffee with a wide grin on her face, still unable to believe that someone had actually gone through all that trouble.
She had always pictured SVU as a dark place, a place were little happiness appeared, if any and in rare occasions. She was willing to bet that this was Munch's work.
Wait, no. No betting. We don't do that anymore.
And that is true. She doesn't do that anymore. She has been trying to put gambling in her past by going to meetings, paying her debts and staying as far away from casinos as possible. So far she was doing good, she just didn't know what would happen next time her favorite team was playing.
She shakes her head, hoping that she would shake those disturbing thoughts away. She sits down and opens the first file from the stack of papers. The computer, as old as her probably, seemed to not want to comply today so she just leans back on her chair, coffee mag in hand, looking around while patiently waiting for the damn thing to turn on.
Without realizing she starts humming 'Santa Claus is coming to town', while spinning in slow circles looking around completely enchanted by the scenery. When she finds herself back in her initial position, she sees a quite amused Fin staring at her, one eyebrow quirked up.
"Where you just singing 'Santa Claus is coming to town', Rollins?" He asks, he himself looking around like he had stepped on foreign land.
"No." She lies.
"You are so busted." He chuckled and does the exact same things that she did when she walked in about fifteen minutes earlier.
"Shut up."
"Yeah, sure. Is there coffee?" He stands up, already half way to the break room.
"Yup, enough for all four of us. Still can't believe that Amaro ditched us. Times like this I wish I were married with a kid."
The second newbie of the squad had taken a few days off to spend some 'quality family time', as he put it. Of course Cragen had been kind enough to let him go and now since they were one man less, even Munch had to work.
"Oh, come on Rollins, don't be so snarky. You'll see, if we don't catch a case you will actually enjoy it. At least as long as Munch is here. After he leaves things will get dull." He sits back down leaving the steaming mug on his desk.
"Lucky ol' bastard's gonna stay for the early hours. After that he gets to take his little ass home and stay in bed all day in his pajamas. And I am gonna have to deal with you, no offense-"
"None taken."
"-Detective I hate you with every cell of my being over there and Cragen who is... well actually he is just calm all the time. I need life!"
"No, I think what you mean is you need a life."
"Ugh, you've been here for five minutes and I can already feel the irritation spiking up." She rolls her eyes at him and turns her attention on the now functional computer in front of her.
"So, how would you want to spent your Christmas, Rollins?"
"You don't have anything better to do, Fin?" She doesn't look at him, she doesn't want to engage in conversation because she was going to lie and she knew it.
Because when she thought of Christmas she couldn't help but bring in mind Detective I hate you with every cell of my being'. She had followed her work before transferring to New York and even after meeting her and seeing what a total bitch she was to her, she still had feelings for her.
The great Olivia Benson.
Who wouldn't fall in love with her? She is gorgeous for starters, good at her job and she is a kind soul. Not to her of course but she is with everyone else and that matters more. She had heard the rumors and she couldn't blame her for being stone cold with her. She lost her partner after twelve years of working side by side, every day. You can't just disappear like that, not on someone with whom you spent so much time with.
That was brutal. Cruel. She hated him without knowing him because clearly he had hurt her feelings. She doesn't deserve that. Not after all the things she has seen and has gone through.
"C'mon Rollins, we'll be here all day, might as well chat a little." She rolls her eyes again and turns to look at him.
"Okay, you go first. If you didn't have to be here what would you do."
"Probably at my son's place. Kevin and his boyfriend Alexander are hosting a dinner tomorrow actually and they want me to go but since you take tonight, I have to take tomorrow night. Anyway, we would sit in front of the fireplace, talk about the future, maybe laugh at some stories. That Alexander dude is really funny, I actually approve of him. So yeah, it would be all family stuff, you know light n'all."
"I didn't know your son is gay."
"Well, I don't go around and say it. But yeah, Kevin is gay." He shrugs, like it's the most normal thing in the world.
And it is, come to think about it. Love is normal. To everyone love is love no matter to whom it was addressed. To everyone except for her parents.
"Well, it's good to know that some parents actually don't have an issue with it." She sighs.
"In the beginning it was hard but nowadays, with all the things we see, I keep an open mind. If my boy is happy then so am I."
"Good for you, Fin. And Kevin of course."
"I take it your parents weren't supportive?"
She hadn't told Fin about her sexuality but he was a detective. Every time they would catch a case that included homophobia in it she would take it slightly more personally than the rest of the group. She didn't mind him knowing. She had been open about it since the age of sixteen, no reason to hide now.
"Supportive? They told me that 'it'll pass' and when it didn't they kicked me outta the house. We are talking about the south, Fin. You are gay, you are disowned and degraded." He stayed silent for a few minutes taking in the new information about the blonde detective who usually wasn't so open about herself.
"Okay, this conversation took a turn. So, what would you like to do for Christmas?"
"Promise you won't laugh?"
"Scout's honor."
"I don't want to be alone. I wanna cuddle with someone under the blankets on the couch. Watch 'home alone' for the hundredth time with a mug of hot chocolate in hand. I just want someone to hug me, look me in the eyes, tell me they love me, kiss me under a mistletoe. God I have always wanted to do that!"
"Do what?" A female voice asked, a voice that sends electric waves through her entire body.
"Rollins here was just telling me how much she wants to be kissed under a mistletoe." Amanda gives him the finger and he just darts his tongue out.
"Ah! Maturity." The brunette sneakers. "Rollins, I didn't cut you out for such a romantic." She says as she, too, heads for the coffee machine.
"Well, Benson, there are a lot of things you don't know about me." She yells, making sure that the other woman hears her. Every chance she got she would let Olivia know that her cold behavior bothered her.
"Anyway, there are a lot of mistletoes around here, why don't you accidentally bump into Fin? Oh I would love to see that." She laughs as she takes her place in front of her own a desk once again.
"No, I would prefer someone that is not my partner."
"Munch could do." Fin offers, earning himself another middle finger.
"And someone who doesn't have the age of my great grandpa!"
"Well, Amaro is not here-"
"And he is also very much married." Liv interrupts him.
"Exactly, thank you."
"Then there is Cra-"
"I would prefer someone penis-free, thank you very much, Fin." He just smiled at her stupidly making her actually growl. "Now, how about we get some work done, huh? Cragen will be here any minute no-"
"Morning everyone. You are all here early, that's a first." As if on queue the commanding officer of the unit walks in smiling at his subordinates.
"Had nothing better to do, trust me." Rollins matters under her breath. "Morning, Cap'n." She stands up once again and walks to the coffee machine.
The pot is empty, apparently Fin and Olivia had went a little overboard with the caffeine. After the bazzilionth eye roll of the day she starts to make more coffee. She hadn't realized how miserable she actually was until she voiced it. She had no one to spent Christmas with; her family barely ever spoke to her, her sister was trouble so she didn't really want her around and there was not a significant other.
She wanted there to be but, the significant other she had in mind would barely even look at her. She needs a drink. God how much she needs a drink. But she can't, because it's only eight am and she has the night shift. For a second she closes her eyes, she dreams about how amazing it would feel if she had someone during his time of the year.
Her day-dreaming is short lived since someone opens the break room door. Probably the Captain, she thinks, he is the only one who hasn't had his daily shot yet.
"Hey." But no, that soft velvety voice could never belong to a sixty year old man. It belongs to a forty year old beautiful woman.
"Hey, Benson." She doesn't look at her, she keeps staring at the pot in front of her, wishfully thinking that it would expedite the process and the coffee will be ready any second now and secretly hoping that the senior detective wouldn't notice the tears shimmering in her eyes.
Of course it wouldn't, none of her wishes ever came true.
"You can call me Liv you know." She shrugs.
Yeah so you can bite my head off. Only your friends or the people you like call you Liv.
"No, thanks, I would like to keep my head."
"Huh?"
"Nothing, Just... I know you hate me. You don't have to pretend because the captain might have scolded you or whatever." Still not making eye contact she starts moving around desperately trying to find something to occupy herself.
"Hey, hey Amanda, look at me." Her voice has dropped an octave, it's that low voice she uses with victims when she doesn't want to scare them away.
"Benson, it's fine, I get it, sometimes I don't like me either. Just for-"
"Amanda!" She says firmly grabbing both of the blonde's wrists to stop all the hyperactivity. "Look at me." The blonde lets out an exasperated sigh and turns to look at her superior, hoping that her eyes wouldn't betray her.
"I don't hate you."
"Yeah, sure." She scoffs, causing a frown to form in the brunette's forehead. "Look, I understand, I have heard the whispers and rumors going around. I get it. I am telling you I would hate me too if I were you."
"I never hated you. As you've heard, I was going through something at the time you came. I just didn't enjoy the sudden changes but I really like you, Amanda." She is still holding her wrists and when she sees the blonde looking down at them and back up into her brown orbs she swallows rather audibly and withdraws her hands.
"So... I have been bitching about you to Fin for nothing then, huh?"
"Oh boy, what have you said?"
"Well..." she trails off, puts on her cutest smile that caused her adorable dimples to appear.
"Okay. Spill. Promise I won't get mad at you."
"I... may or may have not called you 'detective I hate your guts' and other thing like that numerous times." The coffee was finally ready. She grabs the pot and fills her mag again for the day.
"Ouch."
"You insisted." She chuckled and starts to walk away when she feels a hand gently wrapping around one of her elbows turning her around.
"You are likable. I mean, and if you say to anyone what I am about to tell you, I swear to God that no one will ever find your body-"
"Oh I am sure of that."
"-You are kinda great Rollins. Give yourself some credit, you deserve it."
She is smiling. She is smiling at her.
That's a first.
"Thanks, Liv." She emphasized on the nickname, making Liv grin, walks out of the break room and makes her way to her desk to finally catch up with that long forgotten paperwork.
xxxxxxxxxx
Twelve exhausting hours of working, a thirty minute nap on the cribs and a half eaten salad for lunch and she is still at her desk, answering calls and doing her paperwork. Fin had punched out a little earlier, Munch too and she could see Cragen grabbing his coat from the back of his chair.
"Rollins, go home. If you are needed you will get called in." The captain said the minute he spotted her still in her chair after all these hours.
"I will be fine right here, Cap'n, thanks. I hope you have fun tonight."
"Rollins, some advice?"
"Sure."
"Don't let this job consume you. I love this job, don't get me wrong, but there is more out there to explore." He smiles, that gentle and kind smile of his, and she smiles back as a way of gratitude and telling him to enjoy his Christmas Eve.
She could feel the exhaustion and the starvation getting the better of her but if she went home all she would think about was how lonely she was and how desperately she needed to place a bet or go to a casino. So she rolls backwards her chair and gets up for one more coffee.
"Oops, sorry." She says as she bumps into someone. "Hey, Liv, I thought you punched out with the rest of the crew."
"I did but I forgot my wallet so I came back to grab it. You heading out as well?" She looks into Amanda's eyes waiting for an answer but all she sees is sadness. "Hey, Amanda are you-"
"Yeah, sorry. Got wrapped up in my own head there for a second." She chuckled nervously. "No, I am staying here. You go and have fun Benson." Olivia rolls her eyes at the use of her last name, knowing very well that the blonde is trying to put some distance between them, the reasons still unknown. As she looks up though she notices something that puts a smile on her face.
"Oh, look at that." She points up to the green mistletoe that is hanging above their heads. "I guess your dream is gonna come true." She is still smiling and Amanda's eyes widen in surprise.
"It's a silly tradition Liv, we don't have to." Another nervous chuckle.
"Well, it seems to be important to you." The brunette shrugs looking into Amanda's eyes but truly looking into her soul. "Plus, they say it's bad luck."
"They do?"
"Yes they do." There is a small pause, she can see that the blonde is actually considering the offer by the way she is chewing her bottom lip and is looking around nervously. "Come on, it's just you, me and the mistletoe. I think its lips are sealed so, what do you say?"
"Are you sure?" Her voice is barely audible as if she is unsure. Truth is she wants to do this more than anything. She's been wanted to do that ever since she arrived at the station, that first days all those months ago when she first stared into those captivating brown orbs.
Olivia chooses not to reply. Instead she leans in, gently capturing the blonde's bottom lip between her own, nibbling it just a little. They both have their eyes closed, the contact of their lips making both their hearts stop.
When Olivia finally pulls away a few seconds later she comes face to face with Amanda's plump lips, the young detective's eyes still closed as if she opens them, it will all be over.
And damn how much she doesn't want it to be over.
She opens her eyes momentarily to see if the other woman is as affected by this kiss as she is and she comes across two dilated pupils and brown eyes even darker than before. She is gazing at her with a feeling that she identifies as desire.
She doesn't second-think it when she moves her hands on the back of Olivia's neck, pulling her in for a passionate kiss this time. When she nudges with her tongue the other woman's bottom lip a fleeting thought passes her mind that maybe she had made a mistake.
But it stayed at that. A fleeting thought. Because Olivia was more than happy to let her in. Both the blonde and her tongue. Her hands move to a slim waste, pressing it against her, feeling every inch of her. When their tongues meet they both moan and only then does the junior detective really understands what she is doing.
"I am so sorry." She says as she stops the kiss abruptly, gasping for air.
How long have we been kissing?
"What for?" She tried to move away but Olivia doesn't let her, instead she pulls her even closer if that is possible.
"I-I just kissed you" She finally stutters.
"And I am pretty sure I just kissed you back." Olivia chuckles.
"Yeah but I have a crush on you." Only when the words are out of her mouth does she really realizes what she has said. "And I just sounded like a lovestruck teenage girl."
"You kinda did." When she sees the crimson color, the one of embarrassment and not arousal, make its way on the younger woman's cheeks, she rushes to reassure her. "Don't worry it was cute."
"And that's it. I am embarrassed." She puts her hands on the brunette's upper chest, trying to get out of the brunette's tight hold. "Come on, Liv, let me-"
"I have feelings for you too." The soft confession catches her off guard. Has she heard right? Did the Olivia Benson just say that she had feelings for her?
"Y-you do?"
"Yes, I do. Why is it so hard for you to believe?"
"Because... I am me."
"Well, that's pretty much the reason those feelings were developed in the first place. Because you are you and you don't care what others will think. So yeah, you Amanda Rollins, are more than fine."
"You are not half bad yourself there." It was a shy admission. What she has been wanting for the past few months is right there in her arms.
"How about we leave here and go hang out at my place? I have a lot of mistletoes and a Christmas tree and someone told me you would enjoy some cuddling under blankets with some hot chocolate..." she trails off and smirks at her instead.
"Son of a bitch Fin."
"Hey, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have come up here in the first place."
"I thought you said you forgot your wallet."
"Busted." They laugh and it hits her that she has never heard Olivia Benson laugh before. It is the greatest sound she has ever heard. "So what do you say we get outta here, huh?"
"I'd like that." Olivia finally releases her from the tight embrace so she can go grab her stuff.
And just like that they walk out of the bullpen and head towards the elevator, hands linked and faces beaming. Who would have thought that all it would take for love to happen was a mistletoe?