Seven

Things fell quiet in our lives after Ettie arrived. We settled into a simpler existence. My job was forfeit, I had to surrender all I had been prior to finding the abandoned girl who slowly but surely took over my life. I lied to my family, telling them I'd left the state after someone got suspicious of me. I promised I'd contact them soon.

It felt awful to lie to them, but I also wasn't ready to say anything out loud. I felt fully content in my bubble in the woods and I didn't want anything to burst it. It was selfish of me, I knew that. I would have to face the reality sooner or later. It was impossible to hide out here forever.

I was contemplating this very thought when his voice brought me back.

"You're doing it again," he repeated the phrase, he said this to me often.

"Sorry," I muttered, moving closer to him. Holding him tightly, reveling in his presence.

I felt a forceful tug on my pant leg and looked down at her. Deep green eyes stared up at me. Her hair had doubled in length in only a few weeks as had her, herself. She walked confidently now, holding herself well. At around 10 weeks old, she appeared almost 2 years of age. The growth had declined very slightly in the last week thankfully.

"Ren, I'm bored," she informed me, her voice older than her body looked.

"Can Seth take me out?"

"Sure, sure," I agreed, looking over at Seth.

He seemed entirely happy to eligible with the young girl's whims and let her lead the way outside. This was often how time passed here, Ettie would usually have her way, for the most part, and would spend hours outside in the woods with us. Jake had chosen her name well. It seemed this girl belonged in the forest as much as her name did.

"Are we actually alone?" He questioned; I could almost hear the grin spreading across his face as he spoke.

"Hmm," I sighed, pulling myself closer to him, "I do believe we are."

A look up at him confirmed my suspicions, he was grinning, widely, just before his mouth claimed mine. Our kiss was heated from the moment we touched. Feeling brave, I allowed myself the liberty to explore. My hand slipping under his shirt, my fingertips nervous but excited at the opportunity to roam free. He moaned as I touched his chest, hands gradually moving lower, preparing to make a step towards what I now knew I wanted. What we both wanted.

"Ren," he breathed the word against my lips, "Don't."

I pulled back from him at his words, trying not to let the hurt show.

"Jesus," he cursed, "Don't look like that. It's not that I don't want to. I mean god, I want more I do, but I promised."

"You're not breaking your promise," I told him, "You're not pressuring me and certainly not forcing me. I'm ready."

His grin was nothing short of breath taking, and then he kissed me and literally took that breath away. We got lost in each other for a time.

In the time we'd spent out here in the cabin, things had begun to progress in our physical relationship. I felt his fingers beginning to tug at my shirt when his movement stilled. I felt his body tense.

"What Seth?" his voice low, his irritation obvious.

Seth appeared looking thoroughly uncomfortable. I wondered at how much he'd heard when Ettie moved out from behind him.

"We were going to play fetch," she told me sadly, "then Seth didn't want to play anymore."

I moved my gaze onto Seth then. What had happened to cause him to return so quickly?

"We've got a problem," he stated unhelpfully.

"I really hate when you guys say that lately," Jake grumbled.

"It's not their kind this time," he explained, making Jake pause for a moment.

"It's ours,"

Seth and Jake left quickly then, leaving me confused and hurt by his sudden departure. Ettie came over to me and I focused myself entirely on her for the rest of the day. We played games, ate the only meal I could construct; sandwiches, and got ready for bed.

She was sleeping by the time he returned. I had deliberately waited up for him, sitting on our bed in the darkness anxious to know what had troubled Seth so much.

"You're still up?" He questioned unnecessarily as he saw me. I didn't bother replying and instead just looked at him expectantly.

Our day had begun so positively, so gloriously happily that it had hurt when it had all come crashing down around me so abruptly. I felt I deserved an explanation as to why he had upped and left suddenly.

I waited.

Eventually he joined me, moving to sit beside me in the middle of the bed.

"I'm sorry for running off," he apologized,

"Ok," I replied, still waiting.

"It's not my business to tell you, Ren," he told me after a few minutes of silence.

My teeth gritted together in irritation. I stood and left the room. He made no move to stop me at first. Only coming after me once we were safely out of Ettie's hearing range.

"I'm sorry," he apologized again, reaching out for me, only for me to shrug off his touch.

"Ren, don't please,"

"No you don't," I snapped, "I trust you and I thought it was mutual, but today you disappeared for hours and you won't even tell me why."

I knew I was being a bit irrational. I knew it and yet I couldn't stop getting emotional. I was hurt and I wanted to understand why he'd had to make me feel this way.

"It's not my place to-"

"No," I interpreted, "I want an explanation, any explanation, just edit the bits you can't say."

Jake looked thoughtful for a moment. The silence was deafening as I studied his face.

"A boy phased," he stated calmly, thinking through each word as he said it, "not a boy from here."

"What does that mean?" I asked, unsure.

He sighed, moving to sit at the table. I joined him, sitting opposite him.

"It's genetic," he answered, "What I am, what we are, it's genetic. Only members of the tribe have the gene and so it shouldn't be possible for a boy who isn't from here to join the pack."

"Oh," was the only response I could produce.

"So, it's difficult to manage," he added, "I will tell you more, when and if the people involved agree to it. We are handling it, but it's delicate. Someone in our tribe has clearly been irresponsible."

I understood his reluctance to tell me. Someone they knew had obviously caused this problem and he didn't feel it was his place to discuss it.

"Only good things for us - well it's not a good thing at all but, hopefully you get my meaning," he began, "It seems the boy, Connor, has gone into care. His mom recently died, we think that's what triggered this as he's only 13. He has no one else. He was running away when it happened. We ran all the way to Seattle, managed to catch up with him before he could get too far. We tried to reason with him but he wouldn't listen, in the end I had to force him to comply."

"Force him?" I asked.

"I'm the alpha, I give the orders and they listen."

He looked troubled as he said it.

"You don't like it?" I stated.

"No," he admitted easily, "I rarely give orders, we work better together, and I hate what I did to that boy. He looked at me like he wished me dead, Ren. But he can't be free to roam as he is. He's young and volatile, he needs to be with us, and we can help him. He's a danger to us and to himself if we let him go free."

I moved without having to make a conscious decision. I crossed the space, putting my arms around him, holding him close and easing his guilt, his pain. Sharing his troubles and making us both feel better in the process.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too."

He closed what little space remained between us. Capturing my lips with his and I responded with enthusiasm. That feeling from before resurfaced at his touch. Acting purely on impulse, I moved to sit across his lap. I felt him tense slightly.

"We don't have to do this now," he said quietly,

I rolled my eyes at his words. Before moving to plant kisses across his jaw and down his throat.

"Do you want me to stop?" I asked, feeling confident that I knew the answer.

"Fuck no," he cursed out in a breath.

I giggled at his response and he groaned at how the movement must have felt.

It happened quite suddenly. One moment we were on the chair and the next I was beneath him, my back pressing into the rug.

"You're absolutely sure?"

"For god's sake, yes I'm sure," I uttered, growing irritated at his constant hesitation.

"Because if you're not-" he said, a smirk forming. He was winding me up on purpose now.

I wriggled in his grip, my hips moving to perfectly align with his, making an effort to brush myself against him. His intake of breath told me I'd succeeded at something. His body tensed and he gazed down at me, eyes burning with desire.

Clothes were shed piece by piece in a pace that was almost agonizingly slow. Rarely breaking contact, till he moved away slightly. Staring down at me in wonder, I felt exposed and vulnerable but seconds later his body covered mine, a kiss bringing us together again.

I followed his lead, letting him show me what this kind of love was and how truly wonderful it could be. I felt like a new person as he moved off me to lay beside me, as if my eyes had been well and truly opened. I like high and giddy from the experience. I turned to him beaming. He lay beside me, his eyes were closed, and his breathing was fast, his heart beating harder than normal. His eyes slowly opened again, and he smiled slowly at me.

"I love you," He whispered from where he lay.

"I know,"

"Did you just quote Star Wars to me?" he asked amused.

I giggled, "might have yeah."

"Marry me?" He asked

"Anytime," I agreed wholeheartedly, even if I knew he was joking. My response was honest, I would follow this man anywhere. He held me close, stroking my face, my arm. Little touches that kept the contact. We slept where we laid, holding each other.

The sound of Ettie waking brought me back to consciousness. He came too as I moved out of his arms to quickly redress in my discarded clothes.

"I'll make breakfast," he said, pulling himself away from me much to my dislike. He dragged his shorts back on as I headed to our bedroom.

"Ren," her voice called out to me as I went to her.

Her hair was messy from sleep but no doubt mine was likely a state beyond anything hers was capable of.

"I'm here," I told her, taking her up into my arms. Reassuring her with my presence, before setting her free to run off towards the kitchen. Ettie was like me in that she didn't eat much, but she was different in that she had gained a liking for real food recently. I didn't mind it so much, and I always ate beside her. In the time that we had been here, my eating habits were shifting like hers. The human influence was changing me.

Even still, my portion was small. Ettie finished hers quickly, then asking for more to my surprise.

"Are you growing today?" I asked, amused by her appetite.

"I think so," she replied, tucking into the second helping with enthusiasm.

"You want anymore, Ren?" He asked me, cracking eggs into a pan.

I shook my head, "I'm good."

I should've realized when he had mentioned the newest member of the pack that it would affect us all somehow. After breakfast had been consumed, I heard footfalls heading towards the cabin. I stood on guard at a stride I didn't recognize.

"At ease," Jake laughed at my defence, "it's just Seth and Connor."

When they arrived, entering the small living space I turned almost instantly to study the new boy. I had tried to stop myself, not wanting to make him uncomfortable but the reflex was strong. He was not what I expected in the least. Beside Seth he seemed so small. Tall but thin, he probably could have hidden behind Seth and vanished. His skin was considerably paler than the others, but his heritage was still visible. Dark eyes that seemed strangely familiar suddenly met mine and I forced a friendly smile onto my face.

The resulting scowl was fierce, so much so I felt Jake move almost instinctively to put himself between me and the new boy. I felt Ettie shrink beside me, little hands gripping at my pant leg. I understood better then why Jake had moved, it wasn't just me he was shielding but Ettie too.

The newcomer's anger was not something I feared but the young girl did and that something stir inside me, burning hot and unignorable, the need to protect was intense.

"Perhaps it's better if you stay outside for now," Jake suggested though there was little suggestion in his tone. This wasn't a request.

"How can you love that? She's a product of the people you're supposed to hate?!"

Connor's body began to quiver, vibrating in a way I hadn't seen before.

Jake and Seth shared a very brief look before suddenly they were all outside. I watched as the wolf burst free of Connor, the small boy turned wolf whined and ran off into the trees. I turned my face away as Seth quickly threw his clothes aside and in a much more graceful way, let the change take him. The much larger wolf was quick on Connor's heals.

I heard Jake sigh from here,

"I won't be long," he told me, not turning, or moving his eyes away from where the others had disappeared off too. He stripped and changed, the largest wolf by far, and darted off after them.

I was left holding the baby as the saying goes. I sat and she climbed into my lap, burrowing into me for comfort. I wasn't scared of any of the events that had occurred so far this morning but through young eyes, I could imagine it had been far less pleasant to witness. She was shaken up but calming quickly. A distraction seemed in order.

"How about we go to the beach?"

She tilted her head to look up at me. She shook her head. I frowned at the refusal.

"What would you like to do?"

She looked thoughtful but did not suggest an alternative. Instead, her thoughts seemed to drift into a different direction.

"Is Seth ok?" She asked suddenly.

I was taken aback by her question, or rather the pain that seemed present in her voice.

I smiled reassuringly down at her.

"Oh he'll be absolutely fine, I promise,"

She still seemed unsure but took me at my word and hopped up off my lap.

"Can we make cookies for him?" She asked suddenly, her mind clearly soothed enough to move on from her worries.

"Erm," I began nervously, cookies? Jesus, she really had to ask me that, didn't she? It was something she would usually do with Jake, and definitely not with me.

"Please?" She pleaded, clearly sensing my hesitation.

"Sure," I agreed reluctantly.

They found us both covered in flour and the little house full of black smoke when they arrived home. It was official, I shouldn't be allowed near a stove.

"The hell did you do?" He laughed instantly, swiftly moving past me to open windows and let the smoke billow free. I blushed deeply at the look on his face, so amused by my failure I couldn't look at him. Ettie however was not so easily dissuade.

Beaming proudly, she showed the lumps of charcoal to Seth, who had followed in after Jake. Connor hung back in the doorway, smirking at Seth as he tried to act as though the cookies were edible. I found myself laughing despite myself. He was trying so hard to force gratitude that it was hilarious.

"Maybe we'll have lunch first then cookies huh?" He told her and thankfully, she nodded enthusiastically and ran to put the 'cookies' back on the only available counter space.

"I'm sorry, she asked to make them," I explained, "I tried to say no but she just-"

"Say no more," Jake replied, sound of his previous laughter still evident.

"It's not funny," I grumbled, trying not to let his humor get to me. He was allowed to find it amusing, I just didn't like the feeling of failure that came with cooking.

I felt his arms snake around me and pull me close, his voice spoke close to my ear

"It is a bit funny," his breath sent shivers down my spine.

"Isn't," I muttered in response though any fight I had was seeping out of me. I could feel his lips hovering close to my neck and I wanted very much to respond appropriately to his touch but we weren't alone. Something that he seemed to have realised also. I could feel the reluctance in his movements as he pulled away from me. As the space between us grew my rational thought seemed to return in earnest.

"Well, that wasn't fair," I muttered quietly.

He laughed heartily at my comment.

"Erugh," the new boy groaned, "bad enough having to see you guys bump uglies without you dry humping in person as well."

"Shut up," Seth replied first, smacking Connor on the shoulder in annoyance.

I frowned at them both, feeling Jake tense up beside me.

"What are you talking about?" I asked Connor.

He smirked at me, "even I'll admit you've got a decent rack for a leech's kid."

"I said shut up," Seth punched him on the shoulder this time, "outside."

Connor looked triumphant as Seth pushed him back outside, away from us. I couldn't think about why he was so happy; I was more concerned about why he knew what my body looked like.

My face was flushed with embarrassment, as I began to put it all together. They had noticed before that the pack communicated with each other telepathically, but I hadn't ever thought to ask Jake to explain what that meant. I turned to face him, looking up at him irritated.

"What is he talking about Jake?" I asked,

Jake closed his eyes and sighed then rubbed his large hand over his face before he spoke.

"I don't have a choice in it, Ren," he began.

I didn't question him, I just waited for him to explain.

"I know you guessed about how we communicate; well, you weren't wrong I just failed to tell you everything. I didn't want to freak you out," he continued.

"We share our thoughts, our memories the lot," he explained, "I can't stop it. When we're in that form it's like we're one person, our minds all work together in a way."

"What you're saying is they saw everything?" I asked seeking clarification, my voice dipped low as I continued, aware that Ettie was nearby, "they saw everything we did yesterday?"

He nodded.

My face flushed was red, beyond modified. Before I could say anything else a little voice spoke from behind me.

"What's a rack?" Ettie's little voice spoke up, breaking the silence.

"Great," I muttered sarcastically, "now I have to explain that to a toddler."

"I'm sorry, Ren," he apologized, looking remorseful, "I should've explained it better long ago."

"Yeah probably," I replied, a little irritated but not enough to hold it against him.

"What is it?" She asked again.

I groaned at her questioning. I really didn't want to extend this conversation.

"Breasts, sweetie," I kept it simple, "a rack means a woman's breasts."

"Oh," her little voice replied. She was silent for a moment before suddenly blurting out, "What are breasts?" as a frown appeared on her face.

I closed my eyes briefly against the awkwardness of the conversation. Thankfully I wasn't given time to answer. I was grateful for their reappearance even if I couldn't look them in the eye straight away. Seth spoke first, directing his words towards Connor.

"Apologize," he ordered.

Connor scowled in my direction. I couldn't blame him. I wouldn't be overly thrilled to meet my enemy's offspring and be told to play nice with it. I didn't need to be an empath like my uncle to understand him. Broken, scared and angry. He was struggling to keep himself together, mentally, and physically.

"Seth," I said calmly, "it's fine honestly."

Seth looked over my shoulder, a sly glance that most people wouldn't take note of. However, I wasn't most people.

"Don't do that," I commented quickly, "if I say it's ok, it's ok. I don't need his permission."

Connor's expression darkened,

"Wish we could say the same," his tone was laced with bitterness.

I recalled Jake's upset the night before, he'd had to force Connor's hand. The teenager wasn't here by choice. I already knew that, but it added to my sympathy for him. Freedom was something most people took for granted. I understood how much the lack of it negativity could affect someone. I hadn't known true freedom until I had walked away 2 years ago.

Before I could think of something, anything to say to make him feel better, Jake stepped in.

"Nobody has to ask my permission,"

"Oh yeah?" Connor snapped, "why am I here then?"

Sensing the heightening tension in the room, I glanced at Ettie who was watching us all intently. My eyes flickered up to Seth, his gaze met mine. He nodded once.

"Ettie, do you wanna go for a walk?" He asked enthusiastically, "there's some wildflowers just sprung up not far from here."

The promise of wildflowers was enough to make her rush over and take his hand, leading him from the cabin by tugging at his hand.

"You two," I addressed them both, "sit down and -"

"You don't tell me what to -"

"Sit down," I repeated, my tone remarkably like my mothers in that instance.

Jake sighed and moved to take a seat at the tiny dining table. His sheer size dwarfed the wooden table. Connor was less cooperative, keeping routed to the spot. I ignored his reluctance and instead moved towards the fridge, beginning the process of making sandwiches. One thing I had learnt living among the pack was that food seemed to be the best way to ensure a good mood.

I moved the tray of charcoal to one side and focused on not screwing up something as simplistic as a ham sandwich. I took my time over the task, keeping my back turned away from them. I wasn't sure how much they'd spoken last night, but I was certain that they needed this moment to clear the air.

His feet stayed firmly in place for a few more minutes until he took a deep breath and moved towards the table. The chair scrapped on the floor as he dragged it out from under the table. He fell into the chair and let out another deep breath.

"Why did you do this to me?" He asked, his voice low.

"I didn't do this to you, Connor," Jake replied calmly.

I kept myself busy, buttering the slices of white bread perfectly, every inch of the surface covered. Dragging out the task to give them time.

"You made me come here," he sounded close to tears.

"I had to," Jake explained, "surely, you can understand that it's not safe for you alone out there."

Connor didn't reply.

"You got angry just now, phased in a split second. Seriously man, you nearly tore a chunk out of Seth," Jake continued, "we're not making you stay here for the sake of it. When you can gain control over it, you can leave if that's what you want."

"But you have a home here for however long you want or need it," he added, "your place is here with us, Connor, you are part of the pack now."

"I don't want this," he sobbed.

Jake's chair pulled back and I heard him move towards Connor.

"I know you don't," Jake replied, "you think any one of us wanted this? I was sixteen when I changed, Seth was fourteen like Levi. We do understand how it feels, Connor, believe me. But one thing I have learned in my old age is that shouting and swearing at the world isn't going to change it."

"Play nice, is that?" Connor asked a harsh edge creeping into his tone again.

Jake groaned, "no that's not what I'm saying."

Now seemed like a good time to bring in the peace offering. I turned and made a point of placing the plate between them.

I patted Jake's arm and left the cabin. They would do better without my presence. I was heading towards where I could hear Ettie giggling, crunching about in the leaf litter when my cell vibrated in my pocket. Curious, I retrieved the smartphone, the caller I.D put me on edge instantly. I felt awful for feeling the way I did but I didn't know how to stop the rising anxiety at the sight of her picture. My rational mind told me to answer, told me to come clean and just tell her everything but I couldn't do it. I swiped the end call button and sent off a quick text in its place.

"Busy, sorry. Will call later, love you. R xx"

I felt guilt settle in my stomach like I'd eaten too much food. It was heavy and made me feel slightly nauseous. I hated lying to them. Hated feeling like I had too. They would understand, wouldn't they?

I swallowed and slid the phone back into my pocket, ignoring the reply that arrived seconds later. I pushed down the uncomfortable feeling that I was doing something wrong. I couldn't face it yet. Instead of dealing with how I felt, I walked away from it, leaving it behind me as I headed off towards where Ettie and Seth played. I wouldn't be able to hide forever, I knew that. We all did. But today I focused on Ettie. I saw her up ahead in the trees and beamed at the sight. Her shoulder length dark hair swished around her pale face as she twirled in circles on the spot, dancing through the forest as if she truly belonged here.