It's incredibly tiring to see the same things day after day.
Reflecting on the sight of the stars above her, Rin marvels at the way they seem to have lost their glamour. Their shine isn't as bright as it was when she first arrived here, but perhaps it's her fault for wearing out their beauty by staring at them every night.
Even if she's used to them, can pick out every constellation and indistinct change, she still comes to this spot high off from the real world and gazes up at them. As if it helps her pretend that she's living and breathing like any normal human being.
Rin draws in a deep breath then, letting the fresh air wash over her. Her golden blonde strands wisp gently around her face, and she swings her feet lightly from her place on the ivory balcony rail. Her slender hands press into the cool surface of her perch, keeping her steady.
She's been here so long that it really does feel like an eternity has passed her by. Though every morning she wakes she's reminded that it's only been one more day. One tiny step toward her end goal here in this place.
To be reborn- to live.
This little pocket world is meant for the souls of the dead to wait within for their next destined life. There is no war or pollution, just what everyone deems a sliver of paradise for them to enjoy while they sit patiently for their turn again in life.
The wait, however, has become nothing but tedium for her now. Waiting out every day, wandering this place without any direction because she's surely seen everything at this point.
Her reincarnation feels like forever away, though with the way time passes in this hallowed place, forever could be an instant. No matter how she looks at it, it leaves a sour note on her tongue.
Years have passed since she last lived. Decades, rather. The world, as she watches it, has changed so greatly, and her spirit adapts with it. She's not ethereal and see through, as one might presume, but just as solid as a normal human being— save for a heart that doesn't beat, and never aging unless she chooses to change form. Oh, and wings, too, if you like.
She's lived many lives, too. She was a priestess in one, a princess in another, a poverty stricken sick girl, a criminal, even a boy once. It's only in this space that she's allowed to remember where she's walked, the branching paths she has found. Once her new life begins every memory she's made in previous lifetimes and even in this space vanish until she returns.
Alongside her are thousands, millions of other souls worthy of reincarnation. New faces every single day, and faces she's come to recognize disappearing in a beautiful flash of light. When it's your time, the warmest, sweetest bright light engulfs you, and all you leave behind is a few flecks of sparkles where a person once was.
In a way, sad. In another, too beautiful. There's nothing short of mesmerizing about the sudden beginning of a brand new life.
Not to mention the fresh souls alongside old ones from the very moment time began. She had the pleasure of meeting historical figures face-to-face. It's unbelievable how many people whose previous lives shaped the course of the world's destiny would go on to live absolutely ordinary lives.
It's truly a beautiful, magical thing, though even that is putting it lightly.
Another perk of this easy limbo is that you always know when you'll be reincarnated. It could be the very day you die, or over a thousand years into the future. The third option, if you no longer have another life to live, is that you never return to this place. You finally are put to eternal rest, whether by choice or by fate's divination.
Rin closes her eyes, letting out a deep breath.
For her, the next time she'll be allowed to live again is—
"Hey, Rinny."
That familiar tenor draws her to its pleasantness, and she reopened her blue eyes to her companion.
Coming over to perch beside her, a blond-headed spirit gives her a smile and cocks his head to the side. "Keeping busy?"
"Hi, Len," she acknowledges, her chest somehow constricting. It's odd how, even though they're not tied to human constraints or emotions as much as they used be, she can still feel that faint anxiety and shyness of addressing him.
"You always look so deep in your own thoughts, I hate to disturb you," he laughs. "But, you know. Not a lot of time left to not disturb you, and you can always keep to yourself after I'm gone."
Her throat threatens to close all of a sudden, but she smiles in return.
"You sound excited," she says quietly, going for a jovial tone.
He rolls his eyes. "Of course. Its been thirty years since I had a chance to walk the earth. There's so much I want to do in this new life I didn't before, and so much new stuff to learn compared to what was around back when I was alive. Places, people, experiences, I'm going to do everything I couldn't before."
Rin nods, but gives him the sideeye. "You know you can't promise yourself anything, right?"
He turns away from her, gazing outward at their cloudy expanse.
"I know," he responds, a bit less enthusiastic this time. "It's not really something I can guide myself toward, and since I won't be able to remember anything about this place… I guess I have to trust the person I become to follow through, right?"
There's a hint of sadness there, but he's quick to mask it up and turn to her.
"You're going to be there still, aren't you? I want you to be there when I go."
Her chest clenches fiercely.
"...Yeah," she says, her mouth going dry somehow. "I can't remember when you said your due date is, though."
He lets out an exasperated exhale, like he's done a million times before.
"Tomorrow, Rin," he states proudly.
"Tomorrow, I'll be reborn."
Rin can't help the sharp way she inhales at his words, her fingers clasping tight at her sides.
The truth of it is, she's always floated along with this existence. Never changing or wishing for a different course, looking back fondly on what she was like before. But…
...This time it's different.
When she met Len, it was here in this hazy place. With no way to retain bonds, she tried not to get too attached to him, but something about him would draw her back every time she strayed. Her heart, which stopped beating years back, still felt like it beat when he was near.
This kind of reaction was pretty rare, apparently— something to do with being strongly tied to him in a different life somehow, she was told, yet they have no history together that she knows of. Something about Len would make her chest flutter, her cheeks flush, and her palms sweaty, and she knew enough to call it as it was.
Love. She was in love.
In love. Brutally, fatally in love with a spirit whilst in the limbo between lives. A sorry fate and cruel twist she really doesn't deserve, but not one she can change.
The worst part, being that she knows he feels the same.
"Hey, Rin," he pulls her back in with his soothing voice. He leans forward to meet her gaze head on. "How long did you say it'd be before it's your turn again?"
It feels so hard to breathe all of a sudden, but Rin forces a thick smile that hurts to plaster on.
"...Just a couple years after you, obviously," she reminds him hollowly. "You're going to be older than me, remember?"
He nods knowingly, as if recalling what she'd told him before. "Oh, yeah, that's right. I'll be older than you… hehe." He lets out a small chuckle, peering out with a wistful look on his face.
Her heart threatens to shatter.
It's lies. Lies that pile on top of one another endlessly.
'A couple years'? What a joke.
She hasn't had the heart to tell him the painful truth. While he will be older than her, it wont be by a few years. Not even close.
No, Rin has a long way to go. Her future begins…
...In fifty years, long after Len has lived most his life through.
The chance of ever being able to meet was incredibly slim to begin with, but with such an age gap, there's practically no way they would ever run into each other. By the time she's born, he'll be so far into his lifetime that nothing would be changeable. And with the way this limbo-like dimension works, they will most likely never, ever meet again in this place.
This will be the one, and only, time they can be together. The rest would be up to fate's choice.
Rin nearly jumps when his hand slides over her own, and she blinks in surprise as he grips tightly to her palm.
"...You know I'll look for you, don't you, Rin?" Len says assuringly. "We're meant to be together."
The oddest sensation of tears threatens, but of course she can't cry anymore. It would only make this messy, anyway.
"We just got done talking about this, Len," she pokes at him, glancing down at their entwined hands. "You can't force it. You can't promise yourself that."
"I will."
There's a fire burning behind his gaze now, taking her aback.
"If there's one thing I refuse to forget, it's you, Rin." His words are final, strong and firm. "I can't forget you. You're everything to me. I know that we met like this for a reason. We're supposed to find each other, and I won't stop looking for you. Even if it takes me forever to get to you, I will."
He lifts their hands, placing a chaste kiss over hers, before giving her another one of his goofy smiles. She can't help the laugh that escapes her throat, a nervous chuckle.
"...Fine, fine," she relents. "I'll believe you. Of course someone like you could be just stubborn enough to come for me."
There's no way I could forget you either, Len.
"See? Now, what might be helpful to me is a little hint where to look," he jokes. "Any pointers for a guy getting ready to go on the adventure of his life?"
Rin's icy eyes meet his, and her heart melts further. She pretends to mull it over in her head, before shrugging.
"...I always did like big willow trees," she tells him. "To sit under them and read. I did it a lot in a past life, and I always seem to find one no matter where I grow up. They soothe me."
Len pulls her in close, and she allows herself to fall into his chest, burying her face into the faint warmth there.
"...Then that's where I'll look first," he says softly.
"One day we'll find each other again, Rin. I promise."
Rin closes her eyes again, and prays.
"...I believe you."
.x.X.x.
His time has come.
Standing together at the precipice of the beginning, they are eye to eye. Hand in hand.
Her palms feel sweaty and cold.
"Are you ready?" she squeaks through her closed throat.
He nods. "As ready as I've ever been."
He reaches up, and places his palm against her cheek, his fingers brushing softly against her skin.
"This isn't goodbye, Rin." His voice trembles for the first time, and she feels the horrifying sensation of tears cresting down her cheeks. It shouldn't be possible to cry, but here she is, weeping like a baby. "This is our beginning. It's only a few years until we're together again, for real this time."
"I know," she chokes. Her lies threaten to strangle her.
"I'll be waiting for you. Always. I won't stop looking for you."
"I know."
"Rin." He draws a deep breath. "I love you."
Those words threaten to wrench her heart from her chest, and suddenly it feels unbearable to go on with her own lies. She can't do it. He has to know.
"Len, I have to tell you something!" The words pour forth, becoming panicky as he begins to glow. "Wait, wait, I'm not ready for you to go yet, Len, I—"
"It's okay," he says, offering her a beautiful smile, cherubic and sweet. "I know."
"You don't!" His fingers are becoming see through, but she can hardly see as it is with the cloud of tears blocking her vision. "Len, I lied to you! I- I won't be—"
"Rin?"
His forehead presses to hers, and it's in that moment she realizes the worst part of the awful truth.
He's known all along, hasn't he?
"I love you," he states again, glittering like the afternoon sun. "I will always look for you. In this life, in the next, until we meet again."
"I- I love you, too," she chokes out.
Then he's gone, in a burst of beauty and light, and she is left standing alone at the beginning of life. She falls to her knees, a weight unlike any other crushing her to the floor.
He's gone to live a life he deserves, and she is left behind.
Please, Len, at least… be happy.
.x.X.x.X.x.
"One strawberry ice cream for the sweet little girl, please."
"Of course, sir."
"Dad! Don't you want any?"
"Psh, I don't need any, I've had plenty of ice cream to last me a lifetime."
The heartfelt exchange between father and daughter lifts the autumn season to a wonderful allure. They walk along the sidewalk, large hand on small, and the blond-to-gray-haired man looks out at the world with a vigor that hasn't faded since the day he was born. His face is wizened with his older age, but a smile never leaves his lips.
As they walk past another young mother wheeling along her stroller with a laughter like bells, the man's daughter pulls him over to the unsuspecting woman.
"Dad! Dad, can we see the baby?"
"Rinka, please, don't bother this poor woman," he says apologetically, though the mother just smiles sweetly, as if knowing just how children are. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be! She can see her, I don't mind." The woman offers his daughter a peek into the stroller, and as a protective father, he moves closer to join her.
A small, pinkish baby only a few weeks old lies asleep within the folds of her many themed blankets. Her blonde hair tufts out in wisps around her head, and whilst she had just been asleep, the commotion from around her causes her big blue eyes to peek open curiously.
The man stands there a moment, gazing at the child, then looking up at the mother and smiling gently.
"...Your little one is very pretty," he says softly. "I'm sure you're going to be an excellent mother to her. May I ask her name?"
The young lady laughs, brushing back her hair. "This is my first, so that means a lot to me. Her name is Rin."
He stiffens just visibly, but then nods his head, before reaching over to ruffle his child's hair and give her a smile.
"...Rin is a very pretty name."
"Thank you. We have to be going now though. Have a good day, you two!" She good-naturedly waves at them, and begins to push the stroller away.
He stares off after her for a few minutes, something vital pulling hard at his heartstrings, before a tug at his arm draws him back down to the nine year old getting frustrated by his inaction.
"We've gotta go find mom, remember? Let's go!"
He smiles at her, and gives her a hug.
"Right. Let's go. Time's wasting, after all."
.x.X.x.
A thousand years into the future, a beautiful blonde woman sits underneath a looming willow, allowing the branches to cover her like a veil as she doodles deeply into her notebook. The setting sun colors her a lovely burnt red, and her school uniform billows a bit into the wind.
The crunching of twigs and leaves alerts her to the presence of another, and Rin peeks up from her work to see someone standing before her.
Young, handsome, with long blond hair pulled back into a ponytail. He doesn't look like anyone she's seen before, but something familiar lurks at the edge of her subconscious as he approaches her. Something about his alluring, violet blue eyes leaves her staring up at him.
He looks… relieved, somehow.
He moves close to her, so that he's lit up in the soaring sunlight. His expression is a mixture of emotions, but when he speaks after what seems like an eternity, the words are filled with a long-nurtured love.
"...I've been searching for you for a very, very long time."