Maybe he should have taken the start of the day as the bad omen that it was.
Originally, they had planned to sleep in, but when Riku opens his eyes to the smell of coffee, it's still 7 am and definitely too early for that particular plan to work.
And since cold coffee tastes pretty much like shit and apparently Kairi is up as well, he kisses that point of their list goodbye and starts on disentangling his feet from the blanket.
"How do I even…" One leg finds a away out of the knot, the other follows and once he is finally free, he rolls off the bed, hissing at bare feet meeting the cold floor. His hair is a mess hanging in his eyes, already far too long after a year of ignoring its insistent growth. He'll have to ask Kairi to salvage what she can later, maybe braid it or something. Or cut it off, if she feels like it. He is not picky.
Now.
First, coffee, then food.
He finds Kairi at the stove, humming to the radio blasting the newest pop songs Riku absolutely hates with all his heart, shoulders moving with the beat, lips forming lyrics with the energy of someone who has been awake far longer than she has any right to. She is wearing a summer dress already, even though it's still cold as balls outside, but considering their plans for the day… He will need to change later.
"I am pretty sure we had a deal.", Riku murmurs into her hair once he shuffles behind her and drops his chin on her head to steal a glance at their food, "Pancakes and no house fire? When did that happen?"
"Yesterday, when you tried to bake a cake."
"Harsh.", he presses a kiss against her temple, grabs his still steaming coffee and slinks to the table, dropping into his seat like the sack of potatoes that he is after a sleepless night.
"You deserved it, considering that you failed to read the simple instructions of a cake mix , Riku. Aren't you supposed to be one of those unfairly talented friends?" Kairi kicks at him and slides the next pancake on the plate, throws Riku the bottle with liquid chocolate and gestures to a bowl filled with blueberries, "I was so free and got the decorations out, you can start on decorating the cake once you're done with the coffee. I still need a bit with breakfast."
"Wait, the chocolate is not for the pancakes?", he downs the beverage, grabs the pot, pours another and opens the fridge, "Don't tell me we put the cake outside last night."
"The balcony is still cold enough at night, so yes, I did. What do you remember?"
"Fire, screams, cleaning and Yen Cid calling me in last minute to check over a few assignments on magical theory he wanted me to look over.", when Riku moves for the door, he can hear Kairi roll her eyes, "And yes, I know, he promised me a day off. Doesn't mean he won't try to squeeze in a favour at the last minute. As always."
"Yeah, I remember when you were knighted. Almost were too late to your own party because of the old fart.", Kairi growls, "You really need to ask Terra about that teaching job he offered you at Departure. At least Aqua won't work you to death."
"Says the woman who decided to apprentice under a morally ambiguous old man. Also, language.", the cake lands on the table, Riku taps Kairi's shoulder to make her step aside so he can get the dough scraper, "And yeah, I know that you want access to the libraries and archives, but is it really the way?"
"Riku.", warning tone, he better shut up, "We had this talk."
They get back to work, Riku spreads fruit and chocolate on the cake, Kairi finishes up the pancakes until they are done and glance at each other, then the table. The cake glares at them like the ugliest mountain of berries and sugar.
"Living room.", they say in unison.
Breakfast is quiet, Riku focuses on the way Kairi pulled her hair up in a messy bun, a few pencils sticking out, holding the whole thing together.
Hair. Right.
"Can you do mine later?", he gestures at his own silver nest and Kairi blinks, once, twice, until she understands what he is trying to say and nods. Swallows, adds, "Sure."
Later, she braids tiny little beads into his hair, adds a cotton yellow flower and Riku doesn't even try to protest. He likes the feeling of Kairi's hands in his hair, that gentle touch ghosting over his skin, scalp, neck, soft and warm and calm, unlike whatever it is that's going on in his head. He loves the calm she casts over him, like a spell, like home.
He closes his eyes, leans back until her fingers close over his eyes, a mouth on his forehead, a sigh like a smile, then he is manhandled back into position, Kairi giggling into his neck.
This makes her happy and who is he to take it from her?
Flowers and braids are worth the light in Kairi's eyes, especially today.
Especially today.
They meet outside at the gummi ship once he's changed, Riku waves at Aerith and Leon, Kairi is holding the cake and chattering with Yuffie, voice excited and faint, sun bright and cold in his eyes. He throws his old yellow vest over his shoulders, worn thin and wide open, now that he managed to outgrow it.
The day should be warmer, he thinks, it should be even brighter. It's missing a smile he desperately craves, radiant and blue.
Kairi turns towards him and shouts something familiar, "Come on!" and "Hurry up, you lazy bum!" and "If you don't move any faster, I will choose the music, you ass!"
So of course Riku takes even longer to catch up with her, of course he tugs at her fringe when he walks past, high fives Yuffie and takes the cake, stashing it in the mini fridge. Of course he closes the door to the cockpit right in front of Kairis nose. She texts him several murder threats.
"For a princess of light, you are one of the most violent monsters I know.", Riku grins down at her when he finally unlocks the door, "Where did all those prim and proper lessons go?"
"Down the drain the day I died.", a low growl, small hands shoving at his chest until she manages to grab his phone and starts up a playlist, "Your music taste is still terrible."
"If you choose Pop, I will throw you out into the void."
They grapple for the phone, arguing back and forth, until Kairi finds one of their older playlists and stops dead in her tracks.
"It's not just... ", she swallows and, well, Riku knows exactly which playlist it is, "Can we…?"
He nods.
Kairi hits play.
The flight to Twilight Town is a short one once you know where the wormholes are and by the time they reach the safe space where they can drop down, Riku is singing along to the current song, Kairi giggling into her hands at how absolutely bad he is at it. Revenge is sweet the moment she tries to sing along as well and ruins the first sequence like a champ.
Riku almost lands them in a tree laughing.
They stumble outside still cackling, Rikus skin warming instantly from the sun, from the weight falling off his heart, the same weight he hasn't noticed was there in the first place.
It's freeing.
Good. And when he sees Xion run at them from the gates of the Twilight Town Mansion, he offers her his first true smile this day, the one that rips into his heart and leaves it wide open. The girl slams into his chest and topples both of them over, grinning wide, Riku barely manages to lift a hand to greet Roxas and Axel, Isa close behind them.
Kairi is still gasping for air beside him, Xion is warm in his arms, but that particular shade of blue in her eyes hurts to a point where Riku has to let go and allow her to scramble back to her feet, so he can get up himself.
Riku shakes Roxas hand, grins down at him and then pulls him and Xion into a tight hug, whispering "Happy birthday."
Because in a way, this is just as much their birthday.
Once again, there had been plans in place, thought out and fought out over several phone calls, planned down to the last minute but the second they meet up with the rest of the group, no one seems to remember what they were.
Xion wants to go eat ice cream on the tower, Roxas wants to go skateboarding.
Axel doesn't mind either way, Isa has an appointment he can't get out of, Hayner, Pence and Olette all demand a lift to the beach.
Xion wins by default of being the most adorable munchkin and having both Roxas, Riku and the two men wrapped around her little finger.
Riku considers throwing all of them off the tower at least twice.
Somewhere off to the side, Kairi is fighting with Lea, Roxas is laughing at something Hayner said.
His ice cream melts in his hands, leaving a pale blue, sticky mess running over his fingers as Riku keeps watching the sky, the clouds, until he closes his eyes.
Xion is pressed close to his side to accommodate everyone, thin and wiry and quiet like Sora never was. She is both different and almost the same girl Riku is slowly remembering in bursts of memories sinking into holes he never noticed, filling out aches and pains, soothing the bigger hole in his heart. They shuffle closer the bigger the commotion beside them gets, until Xion curls a small hand around his wrist, fingertips pressed against his pulse.
She whispers, "I wish…"
"Me too…", he answers, bites back whatever emotion threatens to claw its way out of his throat and forces a smile to the forefront.
No tears today, they promised. All of them. It's supposed to be a day of celebration, smiles and light, even if that hole in Riku's chest is aching, flickering with bursts of pain here and there.
He ignores it.
Instead, Riku checks the time, checks their route for the next destination and turns to Kairi, "Hey, if we want to be at Sora's in time tonight, we'll need to go now, Kai!"
"Oh shit, right.", Kairi has Lea in a chokehold, the poor man slowly turning red from lack of air, arms flailing while Roxas keeps laughing at his expense.
Saying goodbye is hard.
They almost don't make it in time for dinner.
Kairi is still parking the gummi ship while Riku tries to salvage his vest from the traces of ice cream and creases, tugging at it until he finally gives up and just throws it back into the ship the second Kairi opens the doors again.
"No dice?", she grabs his arm and pulls the man down, carding her hands through his hair, rearranging the braids into something more sensible, "Sorry, I guess that last dodge loop was one too many."
"I didn't throw up this time.", he is almost proud of that, "Come on, let's get the cake and…"
"Yeah.", she smiles.
He offers her one back, even if it feels tilted in the wrong direction on his face, teeth bared in a spiderweb of cracks, overcast with stardust and sky blue memories. When Kairi reaches past him for the space they stored the cake in, he presses his lips against her temple and his smile turns a little bit more real when he recognizes that faint smell of Paopu lingering in her hair, "Next time, I am flying, by the way."
"Next time, I am manning the turrets. You should have told me that your aim is shit, Riku.", she counters and hefts the box closer, "Now. We are late as it is and I'd rather not worry Sora's mom."
They walk the rest of the way in silence, shoulders brushing sometimes, two figures in a setting both familiar and foreign at the same time.
This is the first time in almost a year that they've stepped foot on Destiny Islands, last time being Kairi's graduation and Riku picking her up to move them to Radiant Garden.
There has been a promise to come visit, but…
Well.
Free time is a rarity these days.
Since Kairi is the one with the cake, Riku is left with the job to knock.
He doesn't have to, for the second they step onto the path through the garden, the door flings open and Riku can only reach out and open his arms for the woman flinging herself into his arms.
"You two really came!", eyes sky blue and framed by the dark circles of sleepless nights, Sora's mother is still the same beautiful woman the two of them grew up with. Still the same dark brown braid flung over her shoulder, the same apron tainted with coffee stains and whatever she cooked today. Still the same tired smile of a single mother struggling to offer her chilöd happiness, even if this child in particular has long since outgrown her care.
Riku huffs and twirls the woman around, relishing in her laughter, until he sets her back down and allows the woman to grip his cheeks and pull at them, "My, have you grown even taller? And so handsome, the longer hair really suits you, Riku, though that short style you had for a while gave you that certain boyish charm." She grins at them and then dashes behind Riku to greet Kairi, "Kairi! You promised to call more often! I know that Riku is useless with a phone, but I expected better from you, young lady!"
"Sorry, Auntie Hinata, work got a bit hectic lately.", Kairi shoves the cake in Riku's arms and hugs the woman close, nodding him inside. He obeys, leaving the two of them to their privacy, staking inside, if only to drop off the cake before he ruins even more clothes.
It's dark inside the house, the only light coming from the kitchen area and living room, two lone balloons taped to the door to indicate the location of their party. Riku finds four place settings on the table, the furniture itself old and well worn, its legs to this day taped shut with stickers Sora collected throughout his life. His eyes sweep over the food on the counter, over the various frames on the cupboards, Sora smiling up at them from every single one.
The rest of the room is drowned in balloons and garlands, every square inch stuffed full with colour. Full with life and cheer, fairy lights illuminating every corner until there are no shadows left.
Riku sets the cake down on the counter, grimaces at the blueberries sliding down the sides in slow motion, all battered and lopsided and ugly.
In his defense, he tried.
Behind him, the women finally find a way inside, so he steps aside and lets them into the room. As Sora's mother walks past him, he is left with the realization, just how much shorter she is now.
When had he outgrown her? And by a whole head no less.
"Now, I made all of Sora's favourites, as always.", she claps in her hands, a whirlwind of skirts and laughter, the room even brighter now. She shoos them to the table and snorts at the sorry excuse of a cake on her counter, "Well… It's certainly creative."
"In my defense, it's my second time baking one." Riku wants to complain, but it comes out petulant, followed by an indignant yelp when Kairi adds, "He almost burned down the kitchen the first time."
"Kairi!"
"And it took us half the night to clean up the mess and redo the whole thing. And someone forgot to chill it and then thought that an ice spell would do the trick.", he hates this expression of hers, when Kairi looks like the cat that ate the canary. Eyes sparkling, lips stretched wide over her teeth, this face has always been more a threat than anything.
Terror runs down his spine.
And he still can't keep quiet, "Says the woman who burned half of her pancakes this morning."
"You almost threw Roxas off Twilight Tower."
" You almost choked Lea!", this is getting ridiculous. He only narrowly dodges the phone flying his way, Kairi already back on her feet and lurching for his throat. Something soft bubbles up in his throat and bursts out in peals of laughter, Aunt Hinata is giggling behind her hands, their antics, Kairi threatening to rip off Riku's limbs and shoving them where the sun doesn't shine, Riku hiding under the table, chuckling and sliding out of the way. Riku watches her bloom to life a bit more with every second and he is glad, grateful even that they can lighten her day if only just a little bit.
So he keeps teasing Kairi, chasing her around the room, balloons everywhere, flying around them in a rainbow flurry whenever they manage to dash past.
It takes a while for the two of them to tire out and sit back down, on opposite sides of the table, Kairi still kicking out at Riku once in a while, whenever the eldest in their midst turns away.
"I will end you.", she mouths over the table and he shrugs back, answers "You'll have to catch me."
She sticks out her tongue at him and throws a pea at his face.
This time at least, she hits her mark.
"Well? How is life in the city?"
"Still rebuilding.", Kairi grabs another salad bowl, "Namine and I are helping out with the archives and labs. When we have the time, that is. And Riku here is overworking himself for the old man."
"It's not that bad.", Riku protests and shrinks back when Kairi kicks him under the table, "I work just as much as everyone else."
"He's lying. I know for a fact that the old man sent him some documents last night." She smiles at Sora's mom, "And take a guess who spent last night working instead of sleeping."
"I have a hunch."
Two pairs of eyes turn to Riku, who shrugs and waves at them, "It was urgent."
Kairi snorts, "Urgent my ass."
In between the two of them, the woman breaks out into giggles, then laughter, full blown, head thrown back and tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. Riku lifts a hand, ready to catch the woman, just in case, but she falls forward instead clutching onto the table, laughing until all the other two can hear is her gasping for air, tiny and high and adorable and so, so Sora.
Riku glances at the empty table setting. Sighs, pats the woman's back.
Over her back, Kairi smiles at him, "Cake?"
He nods, "Let's see how much I fucked it up."
Ugly, but at least the cake is edible.
They refuse to let the woman do the dishes and Riku is the first at the sink, snatching up the sponge before she can protest. Kairi grabs the towel and carefully touches Riku's hand, "One last stop. Don't forget."
"Yeah.", he whispers, as they start working, "I know. I just don't want to leave her with all the work."
She smiles down at her hands wrapped around a plate, "Right, we really can't."
Behind them, Sora's mom keeps fluttering around like a hummingbird that had too much sugar, cleaning up, though they can see her deflating more and more with every balloon.
That one last table set is still there, untouched.
They somehow manage to keep up their smile until they round the corner and that's where the two of them break into a sprint, down to the shore and into their boat. Kairi slams herself into her seat, Riku breathes a laugh when he lands on the rows and they grab each other's hands.
Just grab them and hold on, until they can breathe again.
She leans into his space, until her forehead falls against Riku's chest, "Let's just hurry up to the tree."
He does. Hurry up, that is, rowing them to the island and helping her out of the boat, even if his own legs feel like jelly as well and he holds her close, pressed against his side as they walk up to the tree and fall into the sand in front of it.
"It's just as wrong here, huh.", he kicks at the sand and lifts an arm for Kairi to snuggle under.
She doesn't. Instead, he hears a sob, tiny and broken, shattering the calm they have been holding up with sheer force of will and duct tape.
"I felt awful in there.", Kairi finally, finally admits, fighting another sob, losing the battle, she breaks again, "It's wrong without him there. I just… How is she doing this?"
"The same way we do, I guess. By not thinking about it. This is not her first birthday without Sora." Riku is slow to react, but he does, he grabs her by her shoulders and presses her face into his chest, dragging her into a full bodied hug. He leans back against the trunk of their palm tree and stares up at the paopu fruits dangling in the breeze, stares at them until they blur into muted yellow and blue and green.
"It is ours.", garbled as it is into his skin, Riku still gets it, he gets it just fine.
"Technically. Don't forget that it's been a few years since the fall." Above them, stars twinkle, worlds pulsate with light, the two of them finally alone with their thoughts in a way they did not allow themselves the whole day, "It's just the first time we realize just… how much we have missed."
"It's the first time we remember a birthday after two wars, just say it as it is, Riku. It's the first time in years that we can celebrate and it's Sora's birthday and he isn't even here to celebrate it with us!" By now, her hands have wandered up into his hair, her body curled into this tiny ball he wraps himself around, unsure if he wants to hide away as well or hide her from everything, if he wants to grieve by her side or if he is this desperate to be strong for her.
His eyes are burning, skin itching, lips trembling in the worst way. It's been so long since the last time he has cried, but right now, the closest he's ever gotten.
"I miss him."
Kairi's next sob, that tiny tightening of her grasp, is what rips down all his walls like paper and suddenly, he is burying his face in between her neck and shoulder and mouthing infinite "me too"'s into her skin, struggling with air and tears and pain. Feelings overflowing from that emptiness he has been holding off the whole day until finally, finally, finally.
That hole in his chest, it rips open wide and wider, pulls at loose threads of dreams and connections, until it finds Kairis and tears at it, spiralling around their hearts, only to squeeze them together into a mess of pain and anguish and longing.
His scalp hurts from her grip and he is probably holding her too tight, bones cracking under his arms, but they don't complain. Instead they move even closer, hold each other closer.
It's sora's birthday and it was meant to be a day of light and celebration. And yet, they broke their promise. Kairi screams into the fabric of his button up, breathes Sora's name like a prayer and Riku?
He can't do this anymore.
They stay like this forever, intertwined in desperation, holding on, still holding on.
Still holding on.