Chapter Eleven:

Gemma's name popped up on my phone and I grinned when I answered. "Hey, honey."

"You busy?" Her tone was clipped and pissed off, and I wondered who's body she was calling for help to dispose of, and why she wasn't calling my best friend.

I glanced at the clock that informed me I still had some time before I had someone in my chair. "Not overly, what's up?"

Gemma snarled something under her breath and then spoke back into the phone. "That bitch that left Jax, Tara? She's just pulled up at the clubhouse. I think it would be in your best interest to come over and make sure that she doesn't get her filthy fucking hands on him."

The idea of someone putting their hands, whether clean or dirty, anywhere on Jax made me feel ill.

It had been three months since the night we'd first made love, and I hadn't slept alone apart from when he'd gone on a run since. Even then, I'd slept in his bed at his house, and I had the comfort of knowing that we'd talked about the 'run rule' and we'd both agree that it didn't comply with our relationship.

My rental was sitting alone and neglected, empty since Larry had gone to Jax's with me and was a staple in Abel's bed. Even my guitar had found it's home in the corner of his living room, even though he'd never heard me play. Between his club shit and our time when he was home being spent with Abel, it had never come up, and I doubted he'd ever even noticed that it was there.

"Gem." I sighed into the phone and tried to push down my fear. "I can't get away from work right now to drive over there, but I trust him, okay?"

She grumbled into the phone before she snarled a deadly sound. "Don't worry about it, I've got your back. I won't let the little bitch get near him."

Jax arrived home after midnight and I could smell the perfume on him when he crawled into bed. "Hey darlin."

My stomach sunk at the same time that I felt an overwhelming urge to cry, and I bit down on my lip when his arm circled my waist. "It's late, where've you been?"

"Club shit." He sighed into my hair. "I'm sorry, I should have called."

When he'd get home from the clubhouse, after Abel was safely tucked into bed with Larry and the house was quiet, we would spend hours worshipping each other's bodies. Jax didn't even try, and I was grateful for that.

We laid in silence, instead, his arm wound around my body and me crying silent tears into the mattress. At some point his breathing evened out and I knew he'd fallen asleep, but I couldn't.

I stared at the ceiling the entire night, unable to get a wink of sleep, and I got up when the birds started to caw at sunrise.

Jax woke up and gave me a sleepy frown. "Where are you going?"

"Work." I said bluntly and grabbed some of the clothes that I had moved into his wardrobe when I'd started staying.

Jax gave me a three second head start before he followed me into the bathroom and stood by the doorway while I showered. "You alright, darlin?"

"I'm fine." I muttered to the tiled wall.

He kept questioning me but I refused to look at him or answer what was wrong, just changed in front of him, applied my makeup and walked out to my car, thankful that it was early and Abel was still asleep.

"Jesus, what the fuck is wrong, Ellie?" He snapped when I tried to shut the door and ignore his kiss.

I finally looked at him for the first time all morning and kept my face carefully blank. "You need to have a shower, Tara's perfume is still all over you."

His eyes went wide and he opened his mouth, but he'd stumbled back slightly at my words and I took the opportunity to slam my door and lock it. He was speaking to me through the closed window, but I turned my radio up to drown out his voice and started the ignition, then I tore off down the street and left him standing on the grass, watching me go.

My day was the definition of hell.

I kept going between wondering what Jax had done with Tara, why he'd lied about doing 'club shit' when he'd gotten home, and how he thought it was okay to crawl into bed next to me.

Maggie knew something was off and kept bringing me cups of coffee with sad smiles, but I couldn't even bring myself to speak to her about it.

When my last client cancelled I groaned in relief and sat back in my chair, eyes closed with my face towards the ceiling while I tried to figure out what I was going to do.

I knew that we needed to sit down and have a conversation about what had happened, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear what he had to say. I didn't think anything that came out of his mouth could be worse than what I'd imagined in my head, but hearing the words out loud would crush my already fragile heart, and I didn't want him to ruin what we'd created by admitting the truth out loud.

It finally occurred to me what I had to do and I waved goodbye to Maggie, then got into my car and pulled out my phone. "Hey, are you free?"

When he'd agreed that he was free and would meet me anywhere I wanted, I asked him to swing by my house so we could chat, and he told me he'd meet me there.

As promised, when I pulled into the driveway he was standing next to his bike, smoking a cigarette and radiating tension. He knew what I wanted to talk about before he even asked.

"Thanks for comin'." I learnt up and kissed his smooth cheek.

Happy shook his head and pulled me close, offering me a hug that he rarely gave. We were close, he was my best friend, but he wasn't fond of physical touches and a kiss on the cheek was our usual go-to.

We went inside and he looked around for Larry before I sighed. "He's with Abel."

He nodded in understanding and pulled the six-pack of beer I had in my fridge out, then walked towards the back porch and held the door open for me.

Happy took out his pack of cigarettes and lit one for each of us, then sat in silence looking at my overgrown yard that had been neglected since I'd basically moved into Jax's house and we'd been hunting for a home together.

"He crawled into bed with me after he left her." I said to break the quiet and watched him stiffen next to me. "He said that he was so late because he had club shit, but he didn't even have the fuckin' decency to have a shower. I'm not an idiot. I know he didn't reek of her perfume because he hugged her. The guilty look on his face helped to realise what had happened, as well."

Happy growled and shook his head. "I'll fucking kill him."

"No, you won't." I rested my hand on his thigh and rubbed soothing circles into the denim. "It's okay, Happy. I just don't understand ... yesterday we were lookin' at the house we were goin' to buy, then he spends all hours of the night with his ex? He comes home and crawls into bed with me after he's been with her, and doesn't even have enough respect for me to shower? I don't understand."

"They stayed at the clubhouse til ten." He grunted like he didn't want to say the words out loud. "I kept an eye on them, but they left together and I couldn't follow them without-"

"It's okay, Hap." I repeated and sighed in defeat. "I don't expect you to go against your President for me. I just needed my best friend."

In an unexpected move of kindness, Happy wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him so that I could sag against his chest.

We sat in silence for a long time until footsteps moved through my house and we both stiffened at the foreign sound. The only people who had a set of keys to my house were Gemma and Jax, the two people that I didn't want to see.

"Ellie." Jax's voice washed over the back porch and I sighed again.

Happy got to his feet and pulled me up, handed me his cigarettes and kissed me on the forehead. There was an unspoken statement in his eyes that he was there if I needed him, and I nodded in thanks before he disappeared, ignoring Jax on his way past.

I didn't bother to look back at Jax, just kept looking at the yard. "Was she worth it?"

"No." His voice was almost a whisper when he walked to stand next to me. I could feel his eyes on me as I lit another cigarette and began smoking. "I didn't mean for it to happen."

I shrugged my shoulders because I knew that I couldn't speak without my voice cracking.

"I was surprised to see her, and she brought up all of this unresolved shit from our past. Brought up how she shouldn't have left and how, if she'd stayed, she thought things would be different and we would still be together." He tried to explain in soft tones. "I was caught up in the could have been, and I fucked up ... After it happened, I realised what I'd done. I told her that I had an Old Lady and I don't love her anymore, that I love you."

It was the first time that he'd said the words out loud and it felt like I'd taken a bullet straight through my chest. I didn't want to hear that he loved me for the first time because he was admitting he'd cheated with the woman who'd abandoned him and their love when they were teens.

"I'm sorry, baby. Just tell me what I need to do to fix this." He put his palm on my arm and I flinched away from him, causing him to choke on air.

"You can't fix this, Jackson." I laughed darkly and wiped a tear from under my eye. "If you could go to the clubhouse for a few hours, I'll go and get my things from your house."

Jax reached out for me again, his voice pleading and high pitched. "No, Ellie. She didn't- she doesn't mean anything!"

"She meant enough for you to sleep with her." I flicked my cigarette off the back porch. "And that's enough for me to know you ain't worth my heart."

Jax tried to grab me again when I walked past him back inside, but I glared at him. "Don't. Don't fuckin' touch me."

"El, babe, please-"

"No, Jackson." I smiled sadly. "You left the clubhouse with her. You went to her bed. You left Abel and I at home, waitin' for you."

His eyes brimmed with tears and I laughed, but it sounded anything but humorous. "Gemma called me to tell me she'd turned up, you know?"

The look on his face told me that he hadn't been aware. "She told me to go to the clubhouse and make sure that she didn't get her hands on you. And I told her that I trust you. I trusted you. And you fucked that up."

"El-"

"Just leave, Jackson." I walked inside. "Just leave, and leave me the fuck alone. I don't even know who you are, anymore."