AN AUTHOR'S LAMENTATIONS:

This story is cancer on my soul. I know it's dramatic, but every time I come back to rework it, it reminds me of everything I was struggling with when I wrote it. It's literally the product of a mental breakdown I had years ago, and trying to fix it is like idk trying to cure depression. I cannot turn this sad sack of turds into a pretty diamond, at least not without risking my mental health.

I feel so badly about this because I am NOT the type of person to abandon my projects, and I love you readers with all my heart. I hope you understand.

Still, I poured my heart into this at the time I wrote it, and still to this day I get people asking me about it. So I'm going to repost the original work, a chapter a day. I'll leave it up this time, but mark it with a badge of shame. I'd been avoiding writing new fics bc I wanted to "finish" this one first, but I think it's time I just moved on and started writing stuff that doesn't make me want to burst into tears.

So enjoy, or don't. I'll appreciate even your harshest criticism.

Though her chakra levels were lower than usual, Sakura had an extra spring in her step as she made her way toward Kabuto's lab. She was still concerned for Kakashi, but seeing his face had somehow rejuvenated her. She was deeply pleased that he had allowed her to see his face, that he trusted her and had smiled at her. She only hoped she could live up to his expectations.

Kabuto was at his worktable, pushing the plants back against the wall to make himself more room for the vials of liquid he was carefully arranging. Sakura joined him, helping to move the plants out of the way.

"Sakura-san," he greeted casually, not bothering to glance up at her. "I talked to Tsunade today and she seemed pretty pleased with our progress so far. I think she might be warming up to me."

Sakura scoffed. "I highly doubt that," she said, "but she did tell me that I was right to recruit you, so she might not like you, but she at least respects your talents."

"As she should," he mused, grinning as he began to arrange the vials of liquid in a row on the table. "Now tonight we'll be testing the liquid from these plants to see how well their antibacterial properties hold up when subjected to extra strain from liquid chakra."

Sakura nodded and inspected the vials, reading each of the labels carefully.

"Tsunade showed me the technique she uses to liquefy her healing chakra," he said. "Are you able to do this as well?"

"Umm, no," Sakura admitted sheepishly. She had no doubt that she could learn quickly, but she was low on chakra now and didn't think it was a good idea to practice.

"No matter," Kabuto said dismissively. "You don't have much chakra anyway. Here's the plan: I will liquefy my chakra in small batches and then you can add it to the vials. Be careful to add the exact amount I've written on each label. I think I have a good idea of how much each substance can survive, but this test will give us more accurate information."

Sakura nodded and watched as Kabuto began to siphon chakra from his body into separate vials. It was a fascinating process to watch as he manipulated its form, shifting it from something nearly metaphysical to something viscous to something completely liquid. It didn't seem to tax Kabuto too much, in spite of the amount of chakra he was expending to be able to change its state of matter.

She supposed that gave her a good opportunity to bring up Kakashi.

"So," she began, "when I was doing my rounds this morning I noticed that Kakashi had developed polyps in his throat and his voice was completely gone."

Kabuto's eyes flicked up to her expectantly, waiting for her to continue.

"I checked all my other patients today and none of them had polyps in their throats, but Kakashi's case has always been worse than everyone else's so I'm concerned that this might be the next stage of progression," she explained.

Kabuto nodded in agreement. "That's certainly possible. We will have to keep a close eye on the others, particularly Ino," he replied. "Did you get a sample? Have you tested them yet?"

Sakura pulled the dish containing the polyps from Kakashi's throat out of her apron pocket. "I did get samples," she said. "They're fresh – I just came from his room. I haven't had a chance to analyze them yet."

"Why didn't you take the sample this morning and do that first?" he demanded. "Now we'll have to wait longer for the results."

Sakura glared at him, unappreciative of his condescending tone. "I got them as soon as I could," she explained.

"Well, what was the hold up?"

Angrily, she pressed her lips together to keep from snapping at him. He had no right to ask for that information and she didn't really care to tell him that she had to finagle Kakashi into taking off his mask for her. It was a weirdly personal thing – a thing she didn't feel like sharing with Kabuto.

Besides, even if she did explain, it wasn't like Kabuto would understand. Had they been back in one of Orochimaru's bunker and it been someone other than Kakashi, Kabuto would not have respected his patient enough to wait for him to come around. The menace would probably just have forced his mouth open right then and there to get the sample. Sakura could never do that to any patient, let alone her teacher, her comrade.

"Fine," he said tersely, "don't tell me. Just get to work on it now. I'll test the plants myself."

A bit irritated, but otherwise content to do what he said, Sakura brought the sample over to the microscope in the corner of the lab and set to work analyzing it. Again, the work was tedious, but this time she had to focus all of her attention on what she was doing instead of letting her mind wander. It was tough to remain focused in her exhaustion, and all she really wanted to do was think about Kakashi's face and maybe even brag to Naruto that she had seen it. But she knew that Kakashi was depending on her, so she buckled down, keeping her head to the microscope for as long as she needed to.

Kabuto was mostly silent on the other side of the room, save for an occasional murmur under his breath as he discovered something useful or something hindering.

After almost an hour, Sakura rolled her chair away from the microscope, feeling more hopeful than she had in a while. "The polyps are benign," she said to Kabuto. "That's definitely a good sign, but I'm still curious about what could have caused them. I know Kakashi wasn't yelling or screaming, so I don't see how they could have developed on their own."

"Let me take a look," he said, abandoning the worktable to he could invade her space. He pushed her chair aside only slightly so he could peer into the microscope. He was much to close for comfort now – Sakura could smell clinical soap scent that clung to his skin. With a grimace, she rolled her chair a little farther away.

Kabuto adjusted the focus of the microscope, continuing his perusal of Kakashi's sample. Sakura stared at the back of his neck, fixated on the strands of hair near the nape of his neck that had come loose from their ponytail. For some sick reason, some strange call-of-the-void like compulsion gripped her and she wanted to reach out and touch them, to feel how soft they might be.

With a disgusted shudder, Sakura rolled her chair even farther away.

"We shouldn't rule out the possibility that these are not related to the disease," Kabuto said, standing upright. When he caught sight of Sakura shrinking into the back of her chair, he gave her a curious look, but continued speaking anyway. "If no one else in the village has them and they are benign, then we don't need to be too concerned with them right now."

"It's not the just the polyps," she countered. "His condition has worsened drastically. He's barely able to hold his head up."

"That bad?" Kabuto asked. "Maybe we should go take a look at him now, then. Perhaps there are some other clues in this late stage of the disease that we may have missed before."

"Now?" she asked. "He's asleep."

"We don't have to wake him up."

Sakura frowned, not feeling too into this idea. She felt a surge of protectiveness over Kakashi. Knowing how much he disliked Kabuto, she didn't want to subject him to whatever he had up his sleeve – not while he was in such poor condition. It had been humiliating enough for him to be seen by Sakura like that, to have to unmask his face for her. She couldn't bear the thought of putting him through anymore discomfort.

"Come on, Sakura-san," Kabuto said, already walking toward the door. "You want to find a cure for this thing, don't you?"

With a heavy sigh, Sakura got up to follow him.

Predictably, Kakashi was asleep when they found him, curled up into a little ball near his pillow. Sakura's heart ached at the sight and without meaning to, she let out a tiny whimper.

Kabuto glanced over at her and scoffed. "So soft," he said with a shake of his head. "You're a medic – you should be used to seeing people like this."

"I am," she said defensively. "That doesn't mean I like it. It's different for you, I bet, because you aren't taking care of people, you're experimenting on them. You probably don't care about them either. No one likes to see someone they love suffer."

Kabuto's frown was disapproving, but he didn't argue which was probably for the best because Sakura could already feel anger rising up in her chest. She watched Kabuto approach Kakashi's bed and pull the covers down off his chest. His hand met Kakashi's collarbone and Sakura was able to see him begin funneling chakra through Kakashi's body.

She watched in fascination as Kabuto's expression shifted. His brow was furrowed with concentration and he pressed his lips together. If Sakura hadn't known any better, she might have thought he was actually concerned.

After a moment he pulled his hand away and looked back to Sakura. "You were right," he said. "He's getting worse. If he's getting worse then everyone else will too. We need to work quickly and keep a close eye on him. We should also probably go check on Ino as well."

Sakura was surprised by the suggestion, the implication that he was worried about Ino's condition. She knew that couldn't possibly be true – it was more likely that he just wanted to learn as much as he could about this stage of progression with the disease. Still, she couldn't help the furrow of her brow as she nodded, accepting his suggestion.

"What's that look for?" he asked, shrugging past her to make his way toward Ino's room.

Sakura began to follow him, a little unsettled that he would ask her that. "What look?" she asked, feigning ignorance.

"You looked surprised," he said, give her a sideways glance as they walked down the corridor. "Or concerned or something."

Sakura didn't answer, instead turned away from him so he couldn't see her face.

"You know, Sakura-san, if you don't want me to know what you're feeling you shouldn't let those emotions show on your face," he said, his voice infuriatingly smug. "Surely you can control yourself better than that. You wear your heart on your sleeve and then act upset that I've been able to see you."

"I'm not upset," she said through gritted teeth.

"But you were surprised," he countered, "and perhaps it's none of my business, but I can't help but be curious."

"You're right. It's none of your business."

"Well, here's a helpful tip, then," he said. "Don't be so open with your emotions if you don't want people to ask about them."

"Oh, give me a break," she snapped. "Why are you so curious anyway?"

"Because whatever you were feeling was in response to something I did," he said, his voice losing that smugness and developing a softer tone – one Sakura was sure she hadn't heard from him before.

She was saved from having to respond to that, though, because they arrived at Ino's door. Sakura wasted no time in getting inside and shutting the door behind her, grateful from the reprieve from the uncomfortable conversation.

Ino was asleep as well, her head lolled to the side as she was sprawled over her mattress like a starfish. Sakura reached for the blonde's forehead, pressing her palm against Ino's clammy skin. Her fever was still high, but no higher than usual. She sent a surge of chakra into the girl's body, searching again for polyps in her throat.

"She seems fine," Sakura said, glancing back at Kabuto over her shoulder, who was watching her closely with a deep frown. "There are no polyps in her throat and her condition isn't any worse than it was this morning."

"That's good," Kabuto murmured. Again, Sakura felt surprised, but this time she was able to school her expression before he caught it. "Hopefully whatever is happening to Kakashi won't spread to any other villagers."

That did earn an actual look of surprise from her – one she wasn't able to catch before it showed on her open mouthed face.

"Again with the look," he muttered. "What the hell is your problem?"

Rolling her eyes, Sakura shoved past him back out into the hallway. He followed, giving her a wry glare. "It's just that if I didn't know any better," she began, "I'd assume that you cared about their well-being."

"You know I have people I care about, right?" he demanded. "Just because I don't let those feelings get in the way of my goals doesn't mean I'm incapable of feeling them. I have the same capacity to love as any other human."

"I don't doubt that," she said dryly, though she was indeed surprised that he had people he cared about. Did he mean Orochimaru? Some of the people he experimented on? "It's your lack of empathy I find truly disturbing, which is why it's surprising to me that you care about the well-being of the villagers."

"Well, you're half right," he said, purposefully directing his gaze away from her as they walked back to his lab. "I don't lack empathy – I just feel it for you rather than the villagers."

"Me?"

"You were so desperate for help," he explained. "I can relate to that. I've been in over my head before and the fact that you were willing to enlist me when it's so obvious that you hate me just went to show how much trouble you were really in. I'm not sure that the seal you've offered me is really worth the week I've spent here. I would not have agreed to the deal we made had it not been for the empathy I felt for you."

She gave him a dry look. "But you finagled your way into getting a list of Konoha's forbidden jutsus," she pointed out, "which I'm not so sure you deserve."

He waved a dismissive hand. "I have to bring something back to Orochimaru-sama to explain why I've been gone so long," he said. "You think he lets me take extended vacations?"

"Is he one of the people you care about?"

"Pardon?"

"Do you care about Orochimaru? Do you love him?"

He turned his face away from her and she could see the tips of his ears burning red. She enjoyed how flustered he seemed – he deserved it after probing her with personal questions just like that one. But at the same time, she actually quite curious about his answer and didn't mean to offend him.

"You aren't, like, lovers, are you?"

"Of course not," he snapped, turning back to give her a heated glare.

"Just asking," she said, putting her hands up defensively. "I wouldn't judge you if you were."

"Don't be ridiculous," he said. "You absolutely would. You judge me based on all kinds of things. I don't have a romantic relationship with Orochimaru-sama. I wouldn't even call it a friendship, but I do respect him and his goals. He's a very curious person and so ambitious. Not to mention how powerful he is. I have a lot to learn from him and that is why I choose to follow him."

Sakura was stunned by his ready admission to that. She wasn't necessarily surprised by the information itself, but to hear him confess it to her was strange.

"Oh," she said lamely, not quite sure how to respond to that. "So what do you plan to do after you've learned everything you can from him?"

Kabuto's expression faltered and Sakura could see that the question had caught him off guard.

"I know that I haven't learned everything from Tsunade-sama that I can," she said, deciding to help him out a little, "but one day I'd like to open a psychiatric ward for children here in Konoha. That's my ultimate goal."

"How noble of you," he said dryly, but she could see by the way he was looking at her that he didn't think that was such a bad idea.

Sakura shrugged, smirking with a bit of arrogance that she didn't normally show. She still had a lot to learn, but she was proud of where she was now and where she planned to go. It felt good to see another medic at least somewhat acknowledge her achievements.

"You're capable of great things, Kabuto-san," she said. "I can only hope that whatever your goals are lead to progress for humanity rather than the destruction of it."

Kabuto didn't respond to that and he kept his expression blank. She couldn't help but wonder what emotions were bubbling under his surface, what things he thought about her now that they'd had this strange conversation. They reached the door to his lab and stood awkwardly, staring at one another for moment as they were unsure of what to do next.

"Okay," Sakura said after a tense moment of silence, "I guess I should get going. Goodnight, Kabuto-san."

"Goodnight," he echoed.

When Sakura woke up the next morning, she felt unbearably tired still, but also hopeful. She sat up in her bed, postponing having to get up and return to the hospital for another draining day. She could feel Kabuto's heartbeat against her wrist, slightly quicker than her own. He must have already been awake. She was used to the feeling now. It didn't bother her quite so much anymore. In fact, it made her feel less alone.

With a hoarse groan, Sakura pulled herself out of bed and made her way back to the Hokage tower. She had some paperwork to fill out still, more Hokage duties that needed tending to. It had been the responsibility she had been the most lax with since the disease had spread in Konoha, but now she was sure it had begun to pile up and she needed to address it soon.

She opened the door to Tsunade's office and was surprised to find Naruto there, leaning back in Tsunade's chair.

"Naruto, what are you doing here?" she asked.

His eyes flicked up to her, appraising her in her sleep-deprived state. She didn't miss the concern etched on his features, the glimmer of worry that flickered in his eyes. She averted her gaze, put off by his pity.

"I saw a messenger hawk fly in this morning and I came to see who it was for," he replied, reaching across the desk to pass her a scroll.

Warily, Sakura unfurled it, passing a suspicious glance to Naruto before she skimmed the contents. It was a letter from Gaara.

"He's stationed several squads of shinobi at the border as look outs for us," Naruto said, his eyes never leaving her face. "He's got shinobi on reserve to come help us in case one of the other nations attacks."

"I can read," Sakura said dryly, continuing to read the letter. "It says here he also sent crates of medical supplies and food in a caravan. It isn't safe for them to get near the gates, so you'll need to meet them outside the village when they get close."

"Yeah," Naruto agreed. "I planned on it. I'll even wear that stupid HAZMAT suit."

Sakura dropped the scroll back onto the desk and scrutinized her blonde teammate. He had dark shadows under his eyes, which were duller than normal – the bright blue that they usually were was overshadowed by the weight of whatever was on his mind. He seemed near lethargic, reclining against the back of Tsunade's chair with a sagging, depressed posture.

"Are you alright, Naruto?" Sakura asked, already circling the desk to funnel chakra into him. He allowed her to, but Sakura found nothing wrong with him that she hadn't already known about.

His eyes narrowed as he peered up at her and she flinched back away from him, surprised by his vehemence. "I don't like you spending so much time with Kabuto," he said. "I don't like him being here in the village."

"If it makes you feel better," she began, "it seems like his intentions are pretty pure. We made a deal and he intends to hold up his end of it. He hasn't hurt anyone, and other than a few jibes, he hasn't said anything or done anything to me."

"Have you told him you don't plan on giving him the list of forbidden jutsus?"

Sheepishly, Sakura glanced down at her feet.

"Sakura-chan, you have to tell him," Naruto said. "What do you think he's going to do when he's held up his end of the bargain and then you don't hold up yours?"

"You don't need to be concerned about it, Naruto," she said. She couldn't tell him about the seal. He would never approve of her sharing it with him now, nor would he approve of her giving one to Sasuke later.

"I am concerned, though," he insisted. "He'll retaliate for sure. You think he'll just leave Konoha when he's finished, that he won't care that he's leaving empty-handed?"

"Naruto," she said sharply, grabbing him by the shoulders. "I promise you that everything will be fine, okay? I'm going to take care of it."

He shook his head disbelievingly. "This is too much for you to take care of Sakura," he said. "You aren't a god. There's only so much you can handle by yourself. If you won't tell him, then I will."

"Fine," she huffed. "You tell him."

"I will," he said, pushing her aside and making his way to the door.

"Wait," she screeched, chasing after him. "You mean right now?"

"Right now," he said through gritted teeth.

Dread and panic brimming in her stomach, Sakura followed him.

Naruto threw open the door to Kabuto's lab, his hands trembling as he fisted them. Kabuto's back was turned to them, but he didn't seem concerned enough to turn around immediately to see why his door had just burst open.

"Sakura-san," he said courteously. "Your pulse is quite fast. Is everything alright?"

He turned to face them and saw Naruto standing in front of Sakura, his hands fisted at his sides and his teeth clenched so hard Sakura could see the strain in his jaw and neck.

"Ah, Naruto," Kabuto said. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this impromptu visit?"

"Cut the bullshit act, Kabuto," Naruto hissed. "In case you aren't already aware, the only reason you're here is for Sakura-chan's sake. I don't like you being near her and I definitely don't like the deal she made with you."

Kabuto's eyes flicked over to Sakura, who winced almost apologetically. It wasn't that she felt sorry for him per se, but she didn't like subjecting him to Naruto's rage when he hadn't really done anything to deserve it. He'd already been beaten up once by the kyuubi vessel.

"What do you suggest, then, Naruto?" Kabuto asked.

Naruto relaxed slightly. Sakura wasn't surprised to see confusion flicker across his face. "We make a new deal," he said.

"I'm listening," Kabuto said.

Naruto faltered, then bristled.

"Do you expect me to help without asking for anything in return?" Kabuto asked. Sakura glared at him over Naruto's shoulder.

"It's what a good person would do," Naruto said through his gritted teeth.

"If you thought I was a good person we wouldn't be having this conversation."

Naruto seemed at a loss for what to say.

"If you can offer me something better, then I will consider it," Kabuto said, "but if I'm being honest, I don't think asking for the list of jutsus is unreasonable. I don't want the hand signs. Just the names."

Naruto shook his head. "It is unreasonable," he insisted. "You're helping Sakura with a medical thing so why can't she just help you with some medical thing in return? That seems fair and reasonable."

"Because I don't need help with any medical thing," Kabuto said dryly. Sakura shot him another heated glare – one she wanted to shoot at Naruto as well. How was it fair for him to demand she renegotiate terms with Kabuto because he didn't want her being around him and then turn around and offer him her personal services?

"What if I promised to stop chasing after Sasuke?"

Sakura froze, unsure that she heard him correctly. Kabuto, too, raised a brow at the unexpected offer.

"I don't believe you mean that," Kabuto said. Sakura didn't believe it either.

"Then what do you want?" Naruto nearly screamed.

"Calm down, Naruto," Sakura said softly, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. He shrugged her off and took a step toward Kabuto.

"I swear that if you hurt Sakura or anyone else in the village, I will hunt you down and kill you," Naruto said, his voice dangerously low. "Do you understand?"

Kabuto's eyes were dark and fierce in a way he had never displayed for Sakura before. "Sure," he said, his casual tone belied by the intense fury radiating off of him. "I understand perfectly."