I've never liked the quiet. It's deafening. I've felt that this is something I've also run from.

But right now, all I can hear is the muffled sound of his harsh breathing. Which is enough to drown out the quiet.

In space there's a lot of quiet and I guess that's how this routine started.

When you don't like being left alone in the quiet of it all, you find ways to fill it up.

When ever one of us starts to feel that pressure closing in, this ends up happening again. It ends up with him buried inside me making noise so that we can both drown in it.

Today Spike had me pinned up against the wall with holding me up while my back pressed against the cool surface. It left enough of a sensation to keep me grounded. To remind myself to not get carried away.

We didn't usually ever fully undress during these stolen moments alone. My shorts around one ankle and the other leg could be propped up in one of his arms. This gave him leverage to slid himself in.

I'm not sure what it was that set him off this time but it's also an unspoken rule between us that we don't usually involve much context. We both understand the need for these breaks. It comes out in an expression we can both tolerate. You learn to tolerate a lot in space too.

He didn't say much when he came in. Just blabbed about being hungry for a decent meal for a minute while he crossed the room in my direction. I did notice him close and lock the door in the process. At that, I turned to face him and wait. He kept walking towards me until there was no space between us then I could feel the chill of the wall.

He waited, like normal, for my response. Searching my eyes. I lifted my head enough to land a flat kiss on his cheek. Spike flinched as he's not particularly fond of this gesture but he needs it. It softened his shoulders slightly as he moved his hands slowly into action. His hand caught my chin in his grasp while the other gripped my waist.

I closed my eyes to avoid his searching gaze as he used his hands to line our bodies up.

Running down my neck, he stopped on my shoulder to push me backwards. At the same time, his other one was working on loosening the straps and buttons on my shorts. By the time I felt them fall to my ankles, he'd continued to work his fingers down my arm until he found the end of my index finger. He tugged lightly at the tips playfully, which elected the desired huff from my lips.

I knew what he wanted. He wanted to play a two person game, not solo. It was too quiet.

Continuing to keep my eyes closed, I rested my head against the wall and shifted my weight to my hips.

He was keeping busy by bringing my hand up to his lips now. He parted them enough to lightly bite each one. Thinking I wouldn't notice the other hand that was rested on my hip was running circles close to my exposed center.

I'm not sure if it's his guilt or desire or need to keep busy or some combination but he always starts with working me. He wants to play and he doesn't mind taking his time. Neither of us much enjoys the alternative of sitting with any of these questions. We don't discuss it but it's nice to recognize the pattern. Feels mechanical and predictable after a while.

The same way he'd play an instrument. There's the build up to the sound. No one asks why you want to play to that song again. It's simply noise.

In anticipation, my breathing picks up as my free hand lifts to grip his shoulder. Keeping one of my fingers between his teeth, Spike inserts one of his inside me. Producing the squeak from my mouth as my hips lift further into his grip. His teeth apply more pressure as he inhales deeply. Enjoy seeing the same reaction he knows. My eyes fall open to stare up at the gray ceiling. Pulsing from our subtle movements.

He takes a minute to linger with just one inside me as his hand roughly cups my center finding a vantage point and he presses in close encouraged by my excessive breathing. He enjoys playing with me and wasting time. It does bother me but again he was counting on that too.

I keep a firm handle on his should but pull my other hand away from his mouth. To which he jestingly whines but causes him to insert another finger as I shoot down to try to unbuckle his pants.

Backfiring on me though, he's moved in too close to me that I can't manage to get my hand between us well enough to loosen them. He leans in further and ducks his head to rest in my neck. His lips find the skin there and apply more pressure. Just as he pins me with his body, another finger slids in. Finding it tougher this time, he has to wrestle his fingers in tighter.

As this, my hand gives up on his waist and holds on. Giving into the rhythm of his fingers. Giving into the sucking on my neck. Losing focus as his other hand works it's way to lifting my leg to rest in the crook of his arm allowing further access. He's enjoying feeling me give in and I feel him stirring against my thigh. He lands his teeth down in each of the spots he's been sucking along my neck. Landing the hardest bite on my exposed shoulder. That'll show later on my pale skin. He's becoming impatient.

He readjusts and slows the pace of his fingers. As he brings his head up to match my line of sight, causing me to look at him. I see his lips slightly swollen within an inch or so. Spike won't kiss me. Not today. His eyes show it. Hidden behind his actions, he knows his limits. Instead, he tries he best to make it up to me. He nips at my bottom lip quickly and snorts.

I do him a kindness by reacting in a way where I amusingly turning my head to the side and arching my back to buck against his hand as he continues to painfully slow his fingers. This is the part where I play back. He sighs and slows his fingers to a stop buried deep inside me. I buck my hips again grinding on his palm.

His gaze drips down to watch as I repeat this co act against him. My arms wrapping around behind his shoulders allowing me to relax into him. Giving enough space for him to begin unbuckling his pants slowly. Only the top though down to the zipper. Just enough but not all the way so that his pants don't still rest comfortably on his hips. He doesn't usually allow more than that if he can help it.

I used to having the whole universe see me with little to the imagination. Covered or not covered doesn't change the situation to me.

Once his hand is free to roam again, he drags it up the curves of my body, taking a small squeeze here and there as he goes. Slowly. Up under my arm, landing on my neck with his palm winding around it to the base. Planting a firm grip.

I'm dripping down his palm, moistening the sides of my thighs by this point.

The smile drops from his lips and he stops.

My head is swimming in desire as I tirelessly try to catch my breath.

There's always a point to which he breaks. A point where it's no longer a game. The realization comes fast. A point where we can no longer ignore it. We can't ignore the compassion we're both granting each other.

He plunges into me quickly, stealing my breath. I throw my head back and he rests his forehead on my shoulder. The pace is quick and sharp.