Ruby's 21st Birthday, AU, Slightly Cracked

by Meme lord the 5th

Ruby is coming home from college to celebrate her 21st birthday with family and friends, in her Illinois hometown, little did she know a few uninvited guests might make the party a little bit too rowdy. (This is a small multi chapter AU of Children of Freedom set on a modern earth. And at every point I was and will be working on this, save for edits, I was drunk. Happy Halloween.)

Drunk RWBY 21st Birthday AU Crackfic

Ruby's 21st Birthday.

Before anything else, I own nothing but the original characters, and content therein related to them. RWBY is owned by RT, and any mentioned creator's work belongs to them, and them alone. Rest in peace Monty, your vision lives on in us all.

CHAPTER 1

It was late October. Many houses on Patch Street were decorated with pumpkins and fake ghosts as would be expected with the prime hours for Halloween Trick or Treating fast approaching, but no house other than the Xiao Long's had a large "Happy Birthday" banner strung up over the garage. Taiyang dusted his hands off, as his wife leaned on his shoulder. "She's going to go nuts when she gets home from Beacon University." Summer Rose-Xiao Long said. "I hope not. It's been radio silence with her ever since high school ended. At least Yang's been keeping in touch." Taiyang said. "Do you think she's been drinking under age?" Summer asked. "Are you kidding, who'd buy it for her? Yang? She hardly drinks either." Taiyang said with a chuckle. "What about her friend from Signal high?" Summer asked. "Which one?" Taiyang asked in confusion. "Clayton, the one who moved here from Philadelphia with his dad back when Ruby was a freshman. You know, the "just a friend" friend." Summer said. "Oh… Maybe. Aren't they all coming over together?" Taiyang asked. "Yang said something about; a few extra people." Summer said with a sigh. "Oh I'm sure it's just their little friend circle." Taiyang shrugged. Little did he know it was not a "little" circle. "Qrow's coming too right?" Summer asked. "Depending on if he's sober or not." Taiyang grumbled.

A F-450 mini-winnebago had just pulled into Vale's county limits, the vehicle full of Beacon academy students. "This is gonna be great, not only am I going to be home for my 21st Birthday-ween, but everyone else is going to finally meet the rest of my family!" Ruby said, looking over the passenger seat to see her friends, some of which were happier than others to be crammed into Yang's craptastic mobile home.

"Tell me again why exactly we had to drive all the way from Austin to this podunk town in the middle of nowhere?" Weiss asked, arms crossed, as she sat on her boyfriend, Siniy's lap, who occupied the only other fixed car seat in the vehicle due to his 7 foot stature. "Because your oil barron dad didn't want to fork over the money to fly us on the family jet." Yang said with a shrug as she stopped at a red light. "For the millionth time, natural gas isn't oil Yang." Weiss grumbled. "Whatever, Miss gassy." Yang shrugged again. "Are you still in middle school or something?" Weiss asked as almost everyone chuckled at her expense. "Are we? You're the only one without a license." Blake pointed out, resting a hand on her slightly pregnant belly from the kitchen bench seating. "I have my permit… That and Dad doesn't want to buy me a car." Weiss muttered. "Again, you're daddy's a stingy bastard, and the closest airport to Vale is Chicago." Nora brought up from the back bed She was sharing with Ren at the moment, before Pale the Civil War history buff of the group suddenly sat up straighter from his position laying on the floor.

"Ah shit, I packed my gun with me." He cursed. "Wait, what?" Yang asked, as Blake face palmed. "I told you to leave it at the house." She said looking at her fiancé with irritation. "What, I take it everywhere out of habit." Pale said defensively. "Just don't get caught with it, we'll be fine." Clayton said from the overhead bunk, waving off everyone's concern. Suddenly blue lights lit up the rear view mirror. Between Weiss not being properly "seated," a weapon in the van illegally, and the 50 grams of weed Ren had in his hoodie, most were a little shaken. Yang just grinned as she pulled over.

"Guy's relax, I've gotten out of a 50 over speeding ticket on my bike before, I got this." Yang said, as she pushed her breasts up in their bra, adjusted her u cut shirt, and unzipped her jacket. As the door of the white Crown Victoria opened behind the van, Yang's heart sank. The sheriff's deputy that pulled them over was a woman. "Oh god, oh fuck." She whispered, as the deputy knocked on the window. Yang rolled the window down, and looked up at the officer with her hands on the wheel, though her face was mostly obstructed by her hat. "Miss, you know why I pulled you over?" The deputy asked. "I don't know officer." Yang responded as calmly as she could. The officer tipped her hat up, and took off her mirror aviators. "Ha-Halcyone?!" Yang asked. The blond haired Aussie chuckled as her childhood friend brightened up. "Oh my god, you had me scared half to death." Yang said, as she let her hands off the wheel. "How you doing?" Halcyone asked. "Clearly not as good as you. You're a cop now?" Yang asked. "Yup, Sheriff Shrodinger's deputy." Halcyone said, leaning on the campers door. "This isn't an actual traffic stop is it?" Ruby asked, just to be sure. "Oh, no it's not. I'm actually going home for the night. Saw you at the light, and figured I'd give you a scare." Halcyone snickered. "Oh thank god." Jaune muttered. "You ain't doing nothing illegal though right?" Halcyone asked. Pale gulped. "I'm just fuckin' with ya', I'm off duty, ain't paid to enforce laws in my off time you know?" Halcyone joked.

"So what's going on with you?" Halcyone asked. "Oh, we're all going over to my dad's place for Ruby's 21st birthday." Yang said with a smile. "No shit? Plan on getting waisted for the first time 'eh?" Halcyone asked. "Uh, yes Ma'am." Ruby said hesitantly. "Hey, you're off right? Want to come with us?" Yang asked. "Sure, I'm free most of the weekend… So who all's this?" Halcyone asked, peeking into the camper.

"Oh, that's the gang. Halc, the gang, the gang, Halc." Yang said. "Hello." Pyrrha and Jaune waved politely from the kitchen bench. "Well, the gang minus Penny." Yang said. "Who's Penny?" Halcyone asked. "Oh, she's some Air Force girl Blake and Pale know." Yang said with a wink. "Oh… You know what, I can get to know everyone better at your place, I'll follow you guys." Halcyone said, as she started walking back to her squad car. "Awesome." Yang said, as she sighed watching the deputy go. Ruby smirked. "You like her." She said, "Shut up nerd, I like everyone." Yang said, punching her sister in the shoulder.

Back at the Xiao Long household, Summer had finally put the last of the candles on the cake she'd made for her daughter. She wiped a bit of frosting off of the pan, and licked it off her finger before turning her attention to a knock at the front door. Hurrying to the door and practically ripping it open, Summer frowned the moment she saw who it was. "Raven…" Summer stated more than asked. "I drove Qrow over. He was drunk. Figured I'd stick around to see my kid if she's going to be here with your brat." Raven said. "I'm surprised you're not in jail again… Couldn't find anyone at the bar to beat up this month?" Summer asked condescendingly. "And you couldn't find another marriage to ruin in 2 decades?" Raven asked. "Well, maybe if you weren't a closet lesbian, Tai wouldn't have had to find a real woman." Summer returned. The two could practically feel the static being generated between them. They both heard Qrow stumble out of the sedan at the curb. Raven scoffed, walking past Summer.

"I'm only staying as long as Qrow's drunk… You guys got any pretzels?" Raven asked, kicking her boots off. "Sure, just come on in, it's not like I'm in the middle of making dinner." Summer said sarcastically. "Yeah, whatever… Tai around?" Raven asked. "Why, reconsidering your decision to never sleep together 23 years late?" Summer asked. "Can it, whore, I brought your stupid kid a gift. Figured she's still family in the loosest sense so I got her something." Raven grumbled, pulling a small wrapped box out of her bag. "Oh… That's rather nice of you." Summer said. Raven just gave a smug smile, before walking into the kitchen. "So you actually learned to cook?" Raven asked, looking at all of the pots and pans on display. "Oh, as if you ever knew how to." Summer returned, as she guided Qrow inside and to the living room sofa. Raven shrugged. "Yeah, but I could bag and butcher a deer in high school. Lean fire roast meat beats this prissy housewife shit." She said, scratching her scalp. "Keep telling yourself that Raven." Summer muttered.

Pulling up to the house about 30 minutes later, Yang groaned. "What?" Ruby asked. "That's… Raven's piece of shit Honda." Yang said, as she parked In the driveway. "Wait, your mom is here?" Blake asked. "Unless uncle Qrow's sober… Which I doubt." Yang sighed. "It's weird I've never met her." Ruby said, as she popped her door open. "Believe me, it's not a pleasant experience." Yang said, as everyone got out of the mini-winnie. Going up to the front door, Yang spun her keys around her finger, and unlocked the door for everyone with the key she had. "Guess who's back?!" Yang asked loudly as Zwei came bolting into the hallway from the kitchen to greet her. Peeking her head out, Summer squealed in ecstatic joy as she ran over and hugged her kids. "Oh, I'm so happy to see you!..." The moment she saw Halcyone along with the myriad of others, Summer froze. "Uuuh. Girls, why is a police officer here?" Summer asked. "Oh that's just Halcyone, she's an old friend of mine." Yang said, waving off her step mother's concern. "Oh… Well who's everyone else?" Summer asked, knowing none of the new faces except Clayton's. "They're all from Beacon. Mom, I'd like you to meet, Weiss…" Ruby gestured to her Best Business Major Buddy From Germany, (BBMBFG for short.) "Blake…" The young Cuban novelist. "Jaune…" The scruffy, pre-med, Louisianan gamer. "Pyrrha…" The MMA club president. "Nora…" Chemistry major, and local Norse pagan. "Ren…" Dietitian major and yoga instructor. "Siniy…" Literature major, and the only second gen Russian American on Beacon's football scholarship program. "Pale…" Ag-science major, with a family ranch. "And you already know my boyfriend." Ruby said, as she gave a hug to the 6'3" half Tanzanian. Summer's eye twitched. "Boyfriend?... How long has that been a thing?" Summer asked. Ruby winced. "Freshman year… Of Highschool." Ruby admitted.

Summer drew a sharp breath. "Well if nothings gone horribly wrong since then you two must be perfect for each other." Summer said. Raven peeked her head around the corner from the kitchen and raised an eyebrow. "Who's the ni-"

*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*

Author's note: We can't say that Raven. The first of a few chapters of slightly cracked sit-com. Hope you liked the first chapter. In regards to the brief character background stories, I had to change some stuff up, for reasons. Ruby and Yang are both an 8th chinese, because it's within the realm of belevablity that they could be and not look asian. Weiss being from Germany was just a no brainer. Blake being cuban just felt right since she dosn't really have any cultural ties in RWBY, other than tropic island, and opressed person. Clay being half black-half white is similar to the whole "What even is a gorilla fanus?" thing in Children of Freedom. Siniy and Clay are both shorter because being 10 feet tall on earth is not realistic, and even 6 foot 10 is stretching it for normalcy on Clayton's part. AND YES Summer is alive in this fic. No evil monsters, no Salem and Ozpin being in a shadow war, no needless death... That said, the interactions between her and Raven are just golden writing material.