Hello! I want to preface this by saying I am the Original Author of the Fic "Try to Forgive" under the account parisismydream. Of course I forgot my middle school password from 2014 but I finally logged back on here and was overwhelmed by the positive reviews and love I was getting! I'm so sorry to leave you guys off on that note. I will link the original story here and at the end, to read if you want some context. I was going to rewrite it and upload them to this fic, but I just decided to make it a part II.
Gravely I sat curled up in a love seat by Gerads bed while Maxon anxiously paced behind me, on a phone call. Before we were able to land we had gotten word of a small attack that had happened not miles from my family's home. Maxon had not given me the details, only that they probably targeted any area so close to the royal family as a warning, and that there was no more immediate danger- hence his gracious gesture of allowing me off the plane, but not without him accompanying me. I squeezed my eyes shut and focused on the steady beeping of the heart rate monitor to block out the sound of my marriage falling apart, and willed my mind to only think about Gerard right now. As unhealthy as it was, any distraction is a good one. I reached my hand out and squeezed his limp one on the bed. He had been stable ever since we had gotten here, for it seems the doctor's procedures have turned out exceptionally helpful. Perks of being royalty I guess. Right now my sweet strong Gerad just needs to rest and recover.
Lost in my thoughts, I jumped in my seat when Maxon sat down beside me. I didn't even hear his call end, nor did I particularly care. I purposely held my gaze down on the bed to avoid his eyes, and shifted my hips away when his knees met mine. This was so selfish of him, hadn't he put me through enough? All I wanted was to be alone with my family, not trying to see his face next to mine and hold back tears.
"I know I'm wrong, America." Maxon muttered, placing his face in his hands, elbows on his knees.
There was a long pause. That couldn't possibly be all he had to say to me. And that certainly didn't come close to making up for what he did either. I could name about one hundred things he did wrong. He doesn't get to recklessly disrespect his wife, family, and country like that and get off with one apology. He did the kind of thing that ruins lives, and homes. I hadn't said this outloud. And despite my rash tongue I don't think I ever could. But didn't he see what he was doing?. He really was just like his father in that way, something I never believe could have happened. The thing he hated most. I never have to fear my physical safety around Maxon and I knew that, but it seems Maxon had the same vices as his father that he himself detested. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I shook my head and let my gaze fix on a wall across the room so I didn't have to look him in the face when I asked this. My voice came out more apathetic than anticipated, but barely a whisper I managed to ask,
"Are you fucking her?"
I heard a sharp inhale from Maxon, and a shift in his seat, but I still didn't look.
"Don't you dare humiliate me Maxon. I know you have all the power and you could sleep with every whore in the kingdom and I couldn't do anything to stop you. I know that and I know that it's too late for me to do anything about it. But Jesus Christ Maxon will you have the dignity and respect for me to look at me in the eye and tell me who all you are fucking?" I spit, hot tears burning my cheeks. I closed my eyes. This was my last moment of peace I allowed myself before I turned to look at him, scared to death of the answer I might see.
When I looked at him he looked defeated, but insistently shook his head. "No America."
Seemingly excited I acknowledged him, he reached out to hold my hand. "No America. I kissed her. And we were… intimate. But I promise you I never slept with her".
I scoffed and jerked my hand out of his grip. "What the hell does that mean Maxon? Did everything short of making love to her?"
In an abruptly passionate effort, Maxon stood up to kneel in front of me and take my hands in his own.
"No America I… no, we're ending this now my love. We never had sex, ok? But we talked about it. And, she knows about my back." He said, still holding my gaze and waiting for my response. I held his gaze, stone cold, and asked if that meant they had been naked together.
"Well, not exactly. I never took my pants off, and... I never took off her underwear." Ouch. I did not want to hear about my husband taking off his ex-girlfriend's clothes. Hurt aside, I began to speak with zero filter.
"Do you understand how disrespectful that is Maxon? You cheat on me but she's the one you treat like your wife and I'm just your mistress you sleep with. She gets all of your time and your affection while I get to play queen. I just… I just don't know why you would have ever chosen me if I wasn't enough for you. Why did you agree to marry me if I wasn't enough to satisfy you? Don't you think I deserve to be treated fairly? You're not just neglecting your wife Maxon, you are actively breaking my heart." By the time I was able to finish this, my sobs had taken over my body. All I could think of that moment during the selection, the sight of him in a closet pressed up against a half naked Celeste. And all my insecurities from that moment came rushing back. All I know is that I would not take it any longer. I couldn't raise my baby like this, in front of the entire country and live a lie.
"If you mean what you say you want to end this now you have to tell me the truth." I took in a shaky breath and hugged my knees to my chest. I knew the law, but to the king? I remember reading in my fathers history books the King of England created the church of England just so he could divorce his wife. Anything was possible. "Do you regret selecting me? I need you to be honest Maxon. Do you wish you had married Kriss?"
I shifted my gaze from the floor to his eyes which were staring so intensely at me. He was quiet, and it looked like he was thinking. I internally scoffed.
"No Ames. No. It's, it's not like that at all. As horrible as it sounds I know that if I married Kriss I would instantly regret it. And I would want you like I want Kriss and I know it makes me a weak man but… if I married Kriss I don't know how I would survive without sneaking around with you. But you don't deserve to be my mistress. Call me a bastard, call me a hypocrite, but you really will always have my heart. I would go crazy if I had to go to bed and not call you my wife." He declared, holding my hands and looking in my eyes.
"You are acting like a selfish little boy Max. I know you're stressed and maybe I will never understand a man's temptations or how you feel about Kriss," I started slowly, Maxon clinging on to every word. "If what you say is true, and you want me, you have to want me with a pure heart. Because King of Illea be damned there is nothing you can say that can excuse what you've done. But if you ever want me back, you have to be faithful Maxon- just like you promised me you would in our vows. I won't compromise on this." I sniffed, trying to get it together so I could finish my point. "This", I gestured between us, "won't work if you can't keep that end of the deal. I can't do it. It will kill me".
Maxon pulled back in confusion"Want you back, what the hell does that mean?"
He earned another scoff from me, this time outloud. "After cheating on me and humiliating me I wouldn't say we are on the best terms Maxon.". I defended myself. I was not about to let him ignore my point so easily.
"Differences aside America, I think we can both agree I am wrong. I need to make some changes. I can't explain it all right now if I wanted to, but there was never a moment I wanted to make her queen. I wanted the thrill and passion of whatever we were doing, but that never changed my intentions of my relationship with you. I want you Ames. I want you to have my children and I want to rule the world by your side. And when I compare those feelings I have to the lust I have for Kriss… it's nothing to what I feel for you."
Ouch. While his words were supposed to comfort me, I still felt my chest burn with jealousy talking about his feelings for her. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and let that sink in. I think I had it in me to forgive him, but to forgive him it was hard to get every burning question off the table. I couldn't continue with this marriage if I still had some doubts. We needed to get it all out there now.
"Okay." I started slowly. "But, just tell me about this , Maxon. Why her? Why didn't you go to me. Why did you choose her over me? Maxon, what does she give to you that I don't?" Though my voice was steady my hands shook in my lap. I regretted it as soon as it came out. I wanted to run away, there was no way I could look him in the eyes and hear his answer, no matter what he could possibly say.
"Sweetheart," he started, which received an immediate eye roll, "there's nothing she has that you don't. It's just- circumstantial. I like being reckless. I like the comfort of the thrill and it's so easy when it's someone I used to have feelings for. I feel ridiculous saying this aloud because I know it won't make sense, but never did I think of betraying you or doing this out of spite.".
"You never thought about me when you were with her?" I rebutted, raising an eyebrow. Maxon let out a breath and widened his eyes, knowing he said the wrong thing.
"I mean I think about you. I worry about you when we are away at work and I value our time together and I love thinking about our family and our future. But in those weak moments I just… there's no time for thinking. I'm not thinking about you during, or what I am doing to you, but I also don't feel guilty at the moment. It's a vice, America. I know when you married me you knew I was imperfect, and I know you don't deserve this at all. But America, if it means losing you I'll drop everything. I can only ask for your forgiveness, and I can promise to not betray you again." He pleaded.
I sat further into my chair. I rested one hand on my tummy and one slumped over the side of the chair was met by Maxons hand. Silent tears roll down my face as I watch my baby brother's heart monitor. "Okay. I need time. I think, I don't know, my heart is still broken and it needs to be healed. If you mean what you said, and you want to work on this, I will support you. What I'm trying to say is if you want to put in the work to fix this I want to too. Okay?" I still held my gaze from him, but raised my eyebrows in question. A gentle pair of lips kissed my hand.
"Okay. I'll earn your trust back in America. You don't have to say it back, but I love you America" he cooed, holding the palm of his hand against his cheek.
I thought about it. Wondering if I could say it, but I couldn't, not right now. I couldn't say it with this wound still fresh. I just sat there and let the rhythmic medical equipment lull me into a peaceful state. Even though we were right next to Gerad, it only felt like it was me and him in the room. Silent, but the tension between our presences is abnormally thick. I tried to soften my heart, and embrace it. It was sad and it was awkward, but it was her and Maxon. Although I was still grieving his infidelity, I didn't feel pressured anymore. I decided I believed him. I believe his words and aside from the pain I feel now I still want a life with him.
The silence was comfortable so I was almost hesitant to break it, but I quietly nodded my head.
"Okay."
A/N: Thank you for reading! I don't know if this will be a story or a one shot, but I wanted to get some sorta closure on here. Please, comment if u have anything to say, and especially if you were an og reader! Haha. Link to Original Story: s/10723251/1/Try-to-Forgive