A/N: First, I want to give a shout out to Andreacherrypie for a masterful edit of this story. Please see the note at the end for more. That being said, this story takes place in the months following Weekly Confessional. It is not entirely necessary to have read that story first, but it would be helpful. Since this was an AU from the beginning, I played around with the timeline a bit. In my world, "Always" still takes place, but the events of "After the Storm" (excluding the morning after, of course) take place at the end of her suspension instead of the following day.
"I can feel you staring at me, Beckett. Staring is creepy."
Kate smirked over the top of her closed book, her finger marking the page. "Isn't that supposed to be my line?" she replied. She lowered the copy of Frozen Heat and moved to sit in the corner of the couch. Outside, the splatter of a late fall shower could be heard hitting the sidewalk and awnings below.
"Maybe," replied Castle. "But it's not my fault that you find my editing process so fascinating that you can't help but watch like the avid fan you pretend not to be."
Kate openly laughed now, a full, bright sound in complete contrast to the dreariness of the day outside. Crossing her legs and placing his book carefully in her lap, she asked, "What are you even doing? I thought there were no more edits. Isn't this the final copy that you sent to Gina?"
When Castle had asked if she would like to read Frozen Heat before it went to print, she'd jumped at the chance, under the condition that she would only read it after it was too late to make edits. She wanted to experience his words only after he'd deemed them worthy of sharing them with the world, or as he put it, "after Gina says it's too late to change the color of Nikki's scarf."
Castle had handed over the final, edited copy to Kate just as he sent the electronic version to Black Pawn. He'd delivered it to her on a tray that also carried coffee and a bagel. It was her day off and it was raining. Kate felt as if the literary gods were smiling on her that morning. She had nothing to do but get lost in the world he'd created.
Kate had known this book might be a difficult one for her. So much had happened between them in the last year. At Burke's suggestion, Kate had begun to open up to Castle through a series of small confessions. She'd told him about some experiences with her dad, how she felt while he was being held hostage, and even what it had been like to stare down another sniper and deal with PTSD. Her goal had been to make it easier for her to tell him that she'd heard his words in the cemetery.
In the end, it hadn't really been the confessions, or even yet another near-death experience that brought her to a place where she could reveal her lie to Castle. In the end, it had been the realization that another person Castle had once cared about, that he thought he could trust, had lied to him. The revelation of Sophia Turner's betrayal made Kate realize she couldn't keep her secret from him anymore.
Kate was momentarily pulled from her thoughts by the sound of Castle's voice. He must not have realized her mind had wandered.
"Yes. You are holding the only print copy of the final, edited version of Nikki's latest adventure. There is only one piece missing from those pages. Can you spot it, Detective?" Castle grinned at her with such a little boyish excitement, he might have asked her to count to one hundred and come and find him.
Kate glanced back down at the plain cover of the book. Across the front was typed "Frozen Heat" and below that "By Richard Castle". Slowly, Kate flipped through the first pages of the novel and knew immediately what was missing.
"The dedication. You're writing the dedication."
"Got it in one." Rick beamed at her more widely. "That's why you're the greatest detective in the city. Nothing gets past you."
Kate rolled her eyes and tried to suppress a grin, albeit she didn't try very hard.
"Also, can I just comment on how proud of you I am." Rick added, tentatively. .
Kate's grin quickly turned into a look a confusion. "Why?" She asked
"Because," Castle began, "after everything you went through last year, after finding the courage to heal, to let me in, to choose us, it would have been really easy to let that be it. To go from hiding from relationships to hiding from your mom's case, to move from hiding in your job to hiding with me. Without the job, choosing us was easy. But that's not you. You chose to do your job and still chose us. I dunno. That might not make any sense. All I know is I love you and I am grateful every day that we made it here."
Kate didn't say anything at first. She took her time to process what he'd said. She knew what he meant, of course. Not long after she confessed she'd been lying to him and that his feelings were mutual, Castle revealed that she hadn't been the only one keeping secrets. With their relationship less than an hour old, they'd faced their first test as a couple.
Instead of Kate running in head first, they'd reviewed what he'd found and decided only to investigate if the case found them.
Of course, it had found them, less than a month later. Castle asked her to choose them, to walk away. At the time, she couldn't bring herself to do it. And Castle, confessing that he couldn't watch her die again, had walked away. It'd turned out, that was the push she'd needed. That, and a push off the side of a building.
In the days that followed, it became clear to Kate and Rick that walking away entirely wasn't an option. The case would always be out there and eventually, it would always find them. So instead, Kate, after many discussions with Rick, decided to go back to work. She wouldn't actively work her mother's case. In that way, she was still choosing him. It wasn't easy for Kate to walk away from the thing that had driven her life so completely for so long, but every day she made a choice. Everyday, she chose Rick and together they'd been working toward the kind of life she knew in her bones her mother would want for her. As much as she hated admitting it, even to herself, she could see why Rick might be proud of her. She might be a little proud of herself too.
Coming out of her reverie for a second time, Kate realized Castle was looking at her expectantly, waiting for her to say something. She smiled at him and toyed with the corner of his manuscript. "It makes sense." She looked back up at him and smiled softly before adding, "and I love you too."
Castle smiled back at her and she felt, not for the first time, that she'd made exactly the right choice by choosing him.
"So," she said, changing the subject. She could only talk about herself so long. "Do I get to see the dedication too? Or do I have to wait until the book is out?"
"I think I will keep it under wraps until the book is out. That way, you'll be sure to buy a copy." He beamed at her when she rolled her eyes.
"Well at least you'll be guaranteed one sale," she shot back, playfully. She loved that the quickness and friendly banter hadn't changed.
"Oh, Detective, you wound me. You know full well my mother and Alexis will each buy a copy. And, if I buy one for Captain Gates, even though she won't read it, that makes four copies sold. Hopefully that's enough to fund the lavish lifestyle to which you are rapidly becoming accustomed." He concluded his statement with an exaggerated wink and went back to his laptop.
Kate simply chuckled and shook her head. She opened the book to where she'd left off and allowed herself to get sucked back in by his words.
When Kate next looked up, the rain had stopped and the light was beginning to fade from the grey sky outside. She idly wondered what time it was and was answered by the growl of her stomach. She looked toward Rick's desk to find he was no longer working. She could hear voices and the distinct sounds of cooking coming from the kitchen. Stretching as she stood, Kate went in search of the source of the sound.
In the kitchen, she discovered Rick and Alexis working on dinner. She couldn't tell what they were making, but judging by the smell and the fact that all she'd eaten all day was a bagel, she didn't really care so long as it was edible.
"Hi, Kate!" Alexis greeted her, smiling through a cloud of steamy pasta water.
"Hey Alexis. I didn't hear you come in or I would have said hello then."
Since she and Martha had returned from their European tour, Alexis and Kate found some time to talk. In a cafe, buried under a second hand bookstore, the two women came to realize they both loved Castle and wanted the same thing, for him to be safe and happy. Alexis needed a little time to accept the change in her father and Kate's relationship. Eventually, however, she warmed to the idea and she and Kate had a standing coffee date every Tuesday afternoon, case permitting.
"It's okay," Alexis replied. "Dad told me you were reading and weren't to be disturbed."
Castle had the good grace to look sheepish. "I just wanted you to, maybe, have a chance before you're back on call tomorrow. Sorry," he mumbled.
Kate smirked and shook her head. "Thanks babe." She leaned over the counter and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. "But, given the option, I would rather spend time with real life characters, rather than their fictional counterparts. Especially because Alexis doesn't have one."
Moving around the counter and into the kitchen, Kate asked, "What are we having? It smells amazing."
"Alfredo with grilled chicken and broccoli," replied Rick. "I am just finishing up the chicken now and Alexis is taking care of the rest."
"Do you want me to set the table?" Kate asked, moving toward the cupboards.
"Sure, that would be great," Rick answered.
"Is Martha joining us?"
"No. She is at dinner with the cast of her newest play," Alexis chimed in from over a pot on the stove. "She said not to expect her until late."
Alexis moved to put the finished pasta in a giant bowl and Rick placed the chicken on a platter before the pair carried the food to the table.
Kate spent an enjoyable hour trading stories of summer's past with Rick and Alexis. She was surprised to find some of Rick's childhood stories were just as ordinary as hers. She'd always assumed he just moved from one cloud of mischief to the next. She never imagined him doing anything as mundane as getting ice cream in the park with his mother and dropping it on the sidewalk. It happened in rare moments, but occasionally Kate would realize she was just as unlikely to solve the mystery of Rick as he was to solve her.
Once dinner was finished and the kitchen cleaned, Alexis returned to her room, claiming she wanted to read. Rick went back to what he said was writing the dedication, but Kate expected he was really playing a game online. Kate, meanwhile, went back to the couch and his book. She found this installment to Nikki's story to be more gripping than the previous three.
Nikki and Rook had taken on a case that had definite ties to Nikki's mother's death. As Kate moved further and further into the story, it was obvious to her that Castle had used this book as a means to understand her walls and to help him wait her out. He wrote about Nikki's struggles to open up to Rook as a way to try and understand Kate's own struggles to do the same.
In the previous books, Nikki and Rook's story often paralleled where Kate and Rick were in their own relationship, or where Castle wanted them to be. The same could be said about this book, with one notable difference. Kate had her theories about why Castle chose to give Nikki answers about her mother's murder, but she wanted to see how the book ended before she broached the subject with him.
At some point, Castle brought her a cup of coffee, a bottle of water, and a plate of crackers with peanut butter. He'd kissed her forehead and said goodnight. She looked up long enough to return the sentiment and went back to his words. When she finally emerged again, it was after two in the morning and Nikki knew who her mother's killer was. She had answers and was left with many, many more questions.
Kate stood from the couch, stretched, and tiptoed into Rick's bedroom. She found him asleep, curled into the middle of the bed around the pillow she usually used. She knew he didn't like going to bed without her on the nights when they were fortunate enough to be in the same place and on the same schedule.
After moving quietly through her bedtime routine, Kate slid into bed and gently prized the pillow out of Rick's arms. She replaced it with her own body and felt Rick instinctively tighten his hold. It was as if, even in his sleep, he knew she was there. Kate took the opportunity to snuggle in and closed her eyes. After ten minutes, however, sleep had failed to take her. Initially, she thought she would be able to wait until the morning for answers, but she needed to know now.
"Rick," she whispered into the darkness, "Are you awake?"
In response, Rick snuffled and buried his face further into his pillow.
"Rick. Castle." Kate slid backward so she could see his face in the moonlight that filtered in from outside. "Wake up, Castle. I need to ask you something."
Castle stirred slightly and mumbled, "All inquiries must be made during normal business hours."
Even as he said it, Kate knew he was awake. She could see the sly smile playing around his mouth at his words.
"Come on, please. If I get called out early, I promise to spring for coffee and muffins."
"You've got yourself a deal, Detective Beckett. Now, how can I be of service?" Rick asked, moving to sit up against his pillows. When he saw her raised eyebrows, he added, "Not what I meant and you know it. Although I'd be happy to perform that kind of service if that's what you want."
"Maybe later," Kate deadpanned. "Right now I have a question about the book."
"Let me guess, you want to know how I could write such a cliched piece of drivel."
"No." Kate couldn't help but chuckle a little. "No. I want to know why now."
"Why now what?" Castle reached over as he said this and turned on the light. He turned back to look at Kate and added, "Why did I write the book now? That's easy. Cause that's what I do."
He grinned at her and Kate tried to keep the eye roll minimal.
"Seriously, Castle. Why did you choose to give Nikki answers? You could have carried the mystery of her mother's murder through two or even three more books. So why now? Why this book?"
Castle turned to sit facing the middle of the bed and encouraged Kate to do the same. When the pair sat facing each other, Castle leaned forward and kissed Kate softly. He pulled away before either of them could deepen the kiss and sighed.
"I had a feeling when I was writing it that this might come up." he said, a little sadly. "I guess the least you deserve is an explanation."
He sat quietly for a while, as if working out what to say. Kate could tell he was trying to find the right words and did not interrupt.
"I don't have to tell you how difficult the last summer we spent apart was," he began "I couldn't write a word those entire three months. Every free minute I had was spent at the precinct with the boys. When Heat Rises came out, I didn't have a clue where the story was going to go. Hell, at that point, I wasn't even sure if Rook was going to live."
Kate sucked in a breathe at this confession. He hadn't told her that he had been considering killing off Rook.
"But then you showed up at my book signing. Then we talked on the swings, and everything changed. You talked of walls around your heart and what needed to be done before you could have the kind of relationship you wanted. At the time, I hoped against hope that you meant a relationship with me and I walked away from that conversation committed to doing everything I could to help you solve your mother's case and take down those walls. Then I got a phone call."
"The call from Smith?" Kate asked, interrupting him for the first time.
"Yeah. And after that phone call, my priorities changed. I couldn't help you solve the case and keep you safe. As I saw it, I had no choice. I had to keep you safe. You know all this already."
She did. They had discussed it at length the first night she spent in his bed. She still didn't like that he'd kept it from her, but she understood it.
"Anyway, I was having a hard time reconciling the fact that I couldn't help you tear down your walls without putting you in danger. I couldn't let you actively pursue your mother's case without risking your life. I felt really stuck. Then I realized, while I had little or no control over what happened in the real world, I could control everything about the fictional one."
At these words, Kate reached across the bed and took his hands in hers. She could sense he had more to say, so she stayed silent.
"I didn't know what was going to happen with your mother's case. I didn't know how long I would be waiting. Don't get me wrong, I would have waited forever for what we have and it would have been worth every second, but that also does not mean that the waiting was easy."
Kate couldn't take it anymore. She squeezed his hands to get his attention and closed the space between them. She covered his mouth with hers and kissed him hard.
"I don't think I could ever say it enough, but thank you for waiting for me, Rick."
"It was difficult at the time, but it was worth every minute," Castle continued, putting a little space between them again. Kate could tell he needed to get the rest of this out. "I couldn't look into the case much on my own without raising red flags at the precinct. I couldn't let you look into it. I couldn't give you the answers you needed. So I gave them to Nikki."
Rick paused, thinking.
"Actually, I think it was around the time of your first 'confession' that I decided Rook would live and Nikki would get her answers, or at least the answer she wanted most. I hated not being able to give you those answers for real, Kate. It killed me to know that was the one thing that stood between us and I couldn't make it happen for you. So I wrote about it instead. In a way, writing that book was like my therapy."
"I picked up on that." Kate said, cutting him off. "I could tell you were trying to make sense of my walls and why I couldn't bring myself out from behind them." She squeezed his hands again before she continued. "But Castle, I want to make something clear to you now. Call it my final homework related confession." She smirked at the eager look on his face. "Losing one of the two people I loved most in the world was the real reason I put up those walls. I thought solving her case would bring them down, but I was wrong. It was never really about her case. That was just a convenient excuse, a place to hide, a reason to blame. It was really about me. If I never let anyone in, I would never have to hurt like I did when I lost her. Those walls would protect me. I realized talking to Dr. Burke that solving her case would not replace the hole her murder left in my life. He helped me see that I could let you in, be happy, despite her case being unsolved because it was never really about her case in the first place."
The pair sat in silence for a long moment after Kate finished speaking. After a while, Castle mumbled, "Smart man, that doctor of yours."
Kate gave him a small smile. "I owe him a lot. He helped us get here. But, Rick you helped us get here too."
"I did?" He asked, genuine shock in his voice.
"Of course you did. Don't ever doubt that. You waited for me. You gave the time and space I needed to heal. You didn't push. You were just there for me and that was exactly what I needed."
This time it was Rick who closed the gap between them and kissed her sweetly.
"In fact, you have a weird knack for knowing what I need when I don't even know myself." She smirked.
Rick beamed at her through the half light in the room. "What can I say, you, Katherine Beckett, are my life's work. And, in the spirit of knowing what you need, I think right now you need sleep."
Kate yawned as he finished the sentence and he chuckled lightly.
"You're right, she agreed. If I'm lucky, I might get four hours before dispatch calls." She slid down under the covers and Rick followed, wrapping her in his arms. "Rick, one more thing." She lifted her head from his chest to look at him. "Thank you for giving Nikki answers. And, for what it's worth, I still want you around when we find mine."
"I'll be there, Kate. Always."
"Always" she whispered as sleep finally took her.
A/N: The idea that Nikki should have her answers even though Kate doesn't belongs entirely to Andreacherrypie. I can only take credit for messing with the timeline and thinking that Kate making the choice to be with Rick has more impact if the events of "Always" took place.