Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, because that belongs to Studio Khara and Gainax. If I did, people wouldn't like what I'd do with it.
And after reading this, they really wouldn't like what I'd do with it.
INTRODUCTION
Hello all, and welcome to this little series I'm calling The Murphy Anthology.
So, as all of you should know, Evangelion is a show in which a lot of bad stuff happens to people who don't deserve it.
...Okay, maybe some people deserve it. But the main point is that most of the time, the good guys find a way to come out on top and they manage to save the day. This is also true for a lot of media. But there's a little thing called Murphy's Law, you see...
For those who don't know, Murphy's Law is defined in the Oxford Dictionary as follows: "a supposed law of nature, expressed in various humorous popular sayings, to the effect that anything that can go wrong will go wrong."
In my infinite wisdom, I had the bright idea to take scenes from Evangelion and apply a form of Murphy's Law to them, and make the events turn out much worse than they did in canon.
Why? Because I wanted to.
Each chapter of this is going to focus on a different moment from Evangelion, but made so much worse. Each chapter will be short and be its own self-contained thing. There will be no pre-readers on this, and updates will be pretty sporadic.
There's a chance that this will:
a) get dark and moody
b) get real depressing
c) piss off a lot of people
But if you've read An End to My Pain, then you know that I thrive on that shit.
Hope you enjoy. Tell me if it's good, or tell me if it's bad. Trolls will be catapulted to a land without Thursdays.
Now bring on the angst and pain!
- AirGuitar035
1. BY A HAIR
All things considered, Asuka was feeling pretty good. Despite her EVA's limited mobility in the D-Type equipment and how long it had taken her to figure out her opponent, she had managed to kill the Angel. She had to admit, Stupid Shinji's quick thinking with thermal expansion had actually been pretty smart.
However, she was pretty sure that quick thinking wasn't going to be able to get her out of her current predicament: The Angel, in its final acts, had flailed violently and used its razor-like tail to slash at the cables suspending her EVA in the lava. And it had hit the cables pretty badly. Asuka nervously glanced up at her cables as the last of her coolant ran dry and the D-Type equipment started to give way under the pressure.
"I've done it, but... that's it. I'm done for..."
For the next few seconds, her mind was in a haze. There was some yelling over the comms channel... Misato? She was yelling at something to stay in place – no, someone. She craned her neck to see a dark, skinny humanoid figure falling down towards her through the lava, and it only took her a second to recognize it as Unit-01.
"...Shinji?"
That was the last thing she said before her cables finally gave way. Unit-01 took hold of the cable still connected to the frame and slid to a stop, and reached an arm out for the frayed cable connected to the descending form of Unit-02...
...and missed it by a hair. Unit-02 kept on descending into the molten earth, while Unit-01 desperately tried to reach further.
Despite all that, Asuka couldn't keep a small smile off her face at what he'd just pulled to try and save her. "...Idiot. You showoff."
She sat herself back down in her seat. She was vaguely aware of more shouting and panicking over her comms. The words just all sounded like a sonic mush to her, so she reached over and shut off the comms and resigned herself to what everyone on the surface knew came next.
And hanging from the frayed cable above, the pilot of Evangelion Unit-01 watched Unit-02 disappear from sight with a frozen expression of pain on his face.