"Redefining Aaron Hotchner"

For my beautiful SSSMorganHotchner because you are an amazing individual,, and I love that we have sooo much in common, and we can talk every day about our stupid crush on Thomas Gibson, and because you have shown me that kindness is still a thing and I don't regret sending you that infamous picture that day, even though I almost got you fired. Love you, beautiful lady.

Emily sat in the uncomfortable hospital chair at St Sebastian Hospital, her eyes focused on his unconscious body. The minute he hadn't shown up at the crime scene she knew something was terribly wrong. Hotch was never the kind to sleep through his phone ringing, and he definitely wasn't the kind to put his phone on silent. Emily was remembering that terrible week in Canada, and realized that she had seen terrible cases throughout her years with the BAU, but nothing like that case. As they were winging their way back home, silence filled the jet and Emily thought about the eighty-nine victims at the pig farm. They had saved Kelly Shane but that didn't make them feel any better. How was it possible that human beings were capable of inflicting so much pain upon another one? When was this going to stop? Their Unit Chief had ordered them to go home and get some sleep after having worked over eighty hours without a break. Emily was convinced none of the members of the team had closed their eyes since they had arrived from Canada already four hours into the next case. Naturally, when her boss didn't report to the crime scene, she knew something was wrong. She made it through the first hour at Dr. Barton's house before she decided to go find him, her gut telling her something was really wrong.

Finding the door open at his apartment was nerve-wracking and then some, his phone ringing on the inside yet there were no signs of the Unit Chief. Then she saw the bullet hole and the fresh patch of blood, but no Hotch. Finding him became her priority so she pushed herself to swallow her nerves and fear as she studied the fresh crime scene, trying to memorize every single piece of information that would help. Getting the hospital information from Garcia, she dashed out of his apartment forgetting about the crime scene team and police officers altogether. He was stabbed nine times had survived, Foyet had been so meticulous that he had made sure Aaron made it to the hospital just in time. Emily had always seen Hotch as the unbreakable stone whom she admired deeply, but watching him as he lay there beaten and battered was her first sign that he was just as human and her, that he bled, too, and felt pain.

Now waiting as, she sat there praying for him to wake up, she wondered what would happen now? How was he supposed to overcome this and what was going to happen to Haley and Jack? When he woke up confused and hazy, Emily released a breath she didn't know she had been holding. Throughout her years on the BAU, she had become close to the members of the team, JJ and Penelope became her sisters and confidant. Morgan took her to the shooting range and spent days playing a teasing game with her. Reid spent hours and hours talking to her about Solaris and microphysics, and yet, she sat there patiently listening to him. Then there was Rossi…the man who shared her passion for good wine and good books. He loved to engage in deep French conversations with her, and he even taught her how to smoke cigars. Hotch, though, was different. He had always been private about his life and as such, he mostly kept to himself. But he trusted Dave and her with his own life, he was the one that kept the team together and was their driving force. He talked to Emily about things he didn't share with anyone else; he told her about the political agenda he faced every day to keep the team together, he told her stories about Jack, and she was sure she was the only member of the team that knew about his relationship with his father.

She watched his as his life unraveled in front of him…as they took Haley and Jack to witness protection. There were no words to express the anger she felt, how badly she wanted to destroy George Foyet, she felt the fury coat her skin with the taste of metal and vengeance. What was she supposed to say now, what were they supposed to do, how would he ever be the same again? That evening when everyone left, she sat by the hospital bed next to him refusing to leave him alone despite Rossi's orders. She didn't feel pity for him, she felt rage, she wanted to destroy Foyet and bring Aaron his family back, but she knew she couldn't and being by his side was the only thing she could do.

"Go home, Prentiss." Hotch ordered groggily as he became aware of the green tea and violet leaf perfume he associated with her.

"And leave you here alone?" She scoffed. "It's not going to happen."

"You're supposed to be getting some sleep," He said tiredly opening his eyes, feeling momentarily blinded by the harsh lights. "You guys are probably going to get another case tomorrow."

"I'll be fine." She said dismissively. "Are you in any pain?"

"No." He lied, "Seriously Prentiss, go home."

"You should be getting another round of morphine soon; I'll ask the doctors if you are allowed to eat something."

Hotch sighed rubbing his eyes and grunting at the effort; he felt nauseous and he was convinced the narcotics had worn off long ago because the pain was excruciating. A part of him felt like he really deserved it, for everything he had put Haley through and for all the mistakes he had made.

"Don't do that!" Emily said adamantly.

"Don't do what?"

"Blame yourself for what happened. That's just Foyet's way of trying to torture you. You can't blame yourself."

"I'm not."

"We'll get him, Hotch, and when we do, Jack is coming back."

"If you're not going to leave, talk to me about the case." Hotch stated, ready to change the subject.

Emily and the team were called on a case two days later, and Hotch was released. He was supposed to spend six weeks at home recovering. So, Emily made it a habit to go to his place every evening she was in town. She would come over and bring him dinner; she sat there with him not really talking, just drinking and listening to the Beatles White Album because she knew it was his favorite. He wasn't very pleasant too her, often snapping at her because he really disliked being fussed over or cared for. He was used to mourning in private and having her around made him quite uncomfortable although he couldn't figure out why.

The first day he returned to work, he lost his temper five minutes into the crime scene and snapping at the pharmacy attendant. He walked around in a bad mood and was hyper-vigilant. At first, Emily tried to be understanding, but the minute he began being reckless, she became concerned because now he was distracted and losing focus. With his cold exterior and unreadable façade, Rossi tried talking to him and it didn't end up well. Emily was afraid he was going to end up doing something stupid, or getting himself killed. When he walked into Bill Jarvis's house without a vest on or back up, Emily knew things had gone too far. She was never the kind to be insubordinate, but he needed to listen to reason before got himself killed.

"What the hell was that?" She asked angrily the minute they arrived back at Quantico barging into his office without notice.

"Excuse me?"

"Dammit, Hotch, you're losing it; you could have gotten yourself killed!"

"I made a tactical decision with a minimal loss."

"You got Bill Jarvis killed," She said harshly.

"Right, a child rapist, in case you forgot."

"That's not the point, Hotch."

"I did my job, I used my training to analyze Darrin Call, we already know the profile doesn't always work. If we had studied Foyet's initial crimes, we would have understood that, it was an honest mistake."

"What does he have to do with anything?"

"We closed the case, didn't we?"

"Aaron, you put your life in danger in ways we are never supposed to," Emily said irritated, the use of his first name catching him by surprise.

"You should go home," He said angrily. "You're way out of line here. I appreciate your concern, I really do, but you don't need to tell me how to do my job." He reached for his briefcase and left the office leaving her standing there frustratedly rubbing her forehead.

Several weeks later, while working on another case in Commack, Long Island, Emily was easily aware of the dark circles under his eyes. She watched him grow more and more stressed as the hours passed. She was certain he was having nightmares but refusing to talk about it. He was a closed book sometimes, and he isolated himself from those who loved him the most. Emily heard the frantic scream their third night there…it was past two in the morning when she heard him, his room being next to hers. She fought the urge to go straight through his door and talk to him, instead, she focused on giving him an extra-large cup of coffee the following morning and making sure he was hydrated.

Their first evening back after that Emily showed up at his front door with a grocery bag, a bunch of films, and a few bottles of wine in her arms. She didn't wait for an invitation to come in, she marched straight into his living room and setting the DVDs on the coffee table.

"Red or white?" She asked as if it was completely normal to invite herself to her boss's house with movies and popcorn.

"I always do red," She said nonchalantly, pulling out two boxes of popcorn. "I also have extra butter and regular…but trust me, extra butter is a no-brainer."

She ended up spending the night that night…a lame excuse that she had consumed too much wine to drive, but Hotch knew very well what she was doing. When he woke up in the middle of the night screaming from another nightmare, she was at his side in a heartbeat. Hotch was sure she had spent the entire night awake on his couch guarding him, as if he didn't know she was a heavy sleeper and could sleep through an earthquake. What kept her coming back to him, he didn't know, he had been unbearable to her for the past few months losing his temper and taking his frustrations out on her. Yet, she never complained, she never fought back, she just showed up to be there, even when he didn't ask her. Sometimes, they would sit alone in his house without saying a word to each other, knowing that silence was just good enough for him to know she was there for him.

For the past several weeks after Foyet attacked him, Hotch had been very self-conscious about his scars, he refused to look at a mirror and wouldn't look at his reflection for longer than a second purposely avoiding his chest and torso and the daunting scars. It wasn't until they began fully healing, turning bright pink and rough, when they became itchy and uncomfortable that he looked at himself for the first time in a long time. He knew he would never be the same and he would feel comfortable walking around shirtless. It was Emily who noticed first that he was struggling with the scars, and she showed up at his apartment with a small bottle of Vitamin E oil. That night, he found himself sitting in his living room shirtless while her hands worked around his mauled chest, applying the oil on the sensitive patches of skin. Aside from Haley, he had never been shirtless in front of another woman, and he felt incredibly exposed and vulnerable. But Emily just smiled and began telling him a joke about golfers to distract him. From that moment, things changed between them.

He appreciated that she didn't look at him with pity, she didn't think of him as a victim, she didn't pester him with idiotic questions, or force him to talk. She understood even when he didn't, it was hard for him to find her annoying and be mad at her. Until a few months ago, he hadn't actually stopped to really look at her as anything other than his subordinate, she had just always been Prentiss to him. He was sure the last time he looked at a woman, it was his own wife, and he had still been sharing the same roof with her. Outside of work, Emily was different …she was lighter and made him laugh with stories about her childhood rather than forcing him to talk about his trauma. She got him hooked on a corny show called One Tree Hill, and crime movies, her laugher was contagious and he had come to find she had a few bad habits. She liked to smoke when she was drinking and walk around the house barefoot, she usually skipped breakfast and was at her crankiest at night. She also slept with a bunch of covers over her with the windows opened, not that he had shared a bed with her in that sense.

Little by little, they started spending more time together. Hotch finally opened up to her about the nightmares and why he still blamed himself for his divorce. It became a routine, she would pick him up in the morning with two fresh cups of coffee, and even though he ended up driving them to work, she sat by his side nursing coffee and reading him the latest case briefs. She helped him find a different apartment, one that didn't remind him of Foyet, and she spent two days repainting the walls and helping him unpack. It was then when Hotch really noticed how beautiful she was, how lightheaded and easy she made him feel. How he smiled more often and indulged in guilty pleasures like eating ice cream in the middle of the night, or having mac and cheese for breakfast. She helped him hunt down Foyet without the team knowing. She kept tabs on him, and made sure he recorded weekly videos for Jack, telling him how much he loved him and even helped decorate his spare room for him.

When Haley died at the hands of Foyet, the progress they had made went down the drain. Watching him hold the lifeless body of his wife was heart-wrenching. She knew he blamed himself and would do anything in his power to isolate himself from everyone. At the funeral, she stayed by Jack's side making sure he ate something and kept him entertained by talking about the good memories of his mother. She found Aaron on the patio drinking a glass of scotch and looking into space lost.

"Hey."

He didn't even bother answering her, her being the last person he wanted to see; maybe it was because he felt guilty for having fallen in love with Emily, while his ex-wife spent her days hiding from the man that killed her. He damned her for breaking down his walls and making him lose his head over head, for making him so uneasy and giddy every time she came near him.

"I know how you…."

"Don't!" He snapped, looking at her. "Don't you dare try to tell me you understand how I feel."

"You're right." She responded meekly. "I don't, and I'm very sorry we didn't get to her first." He smirked, shaking his head.

"Please," He said coldly, "Like this wasn't exactly what you wanted."

"What?"

"To finally have me all for yourself with that stupid silly crush you have." The words were poison and it stung the minute he said them, but maybe he said them because it helped him ease the pain, or maybe it was the only thing he could do to stop himself from punching everything around him.

Emily closed her eyes shaking her head and biting her lip, exhaling before she said anything knowing people often said things they didn't mean when they were angry, but it didn't make his words any less painful.

"I'm going to go now because we have a case," She said with a tight voice, tears fighting to escape her eyes. "Please take care of yourself and Jack."

She left without saying another word to him, and he slammed the drink against the floor angrily watching the glass shatter against the concrete like tiny little stabs of pain. She didn't call him that night, or the following night, and he wondered if she would ever talk to him again. It wasn't until a few days later when he found himself sitting by Haley's tombstone that she showed up…he could feel her presence and smell her perfume from miles away. His back was to her as he sat on the bench, but he heard her footsteps as she approached him. She didn't say a word, just sat next to him…they didn't need words, they never really did.

"Did you tell her you're coming back to the BAU?"

"She already knows."

"I'm sure Strauss is going to have a heart attack," She said exhaling softly, referring to Strauss having offered him retirement.

"How did you know?"

"It doesn't take a genius to know she always wanted out you out, I figured this was her one and only chance."

"You think I should take it?" He questioned, looking at her.

"I think you've already made up your mind…your job is to put the bad guys away even when you don't want to, and Jack knows that."

"I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now."

"You keep living your life, you honor her death by teaching Jack how to live his life, the way Haley would have wanted him. Aaron you're Jack's hero, and that's who he needs you to be."

"Why do you keep doing this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Coming back, even when I don't deserve it."

"Because I care for you, Aaron," she said, looking at her lap. He reached for her hand looking at her.

"You're full of everything that's perfect and beautiful, but I destroy everything I touch; I don't deserve you, Emily." His eyes were shining.

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that," She asked her, eyes red and moist. He stood up pulling her up with him into his embrace. He leaned his head against her closing his eyes and holding her hands.

"There is so much I want to do for you, so much I want to give you, I'm sure I can, but I'm broken, Em, and I'm a basket case.…"

"You're not a basket case…you've just gone through something terrible, and you're learning to survive that."

"You changed my world when there was only darkness in it, you stood by my side even though I tried to push you away…you, Emily Prentiss, are a gift from God."

"I'm so sorry for what I said." As he held her close inhaling her intoxicating fragrance, her hair tickling his nose.

"It's okay, I've already forgotten about it." She said, leaning her head against his chest and closing her eyes.

"Em, I want this, I really do, I just don't want her to think I didn't even mourn her properly before…."

"Aaron, Haley wanted you to be happy. Even before any of this happened, she encouraged you to meet someone. I'm not trying to rush you into anything. I just want you to know I'll wait as long as you need." She lifted her head and he looked into her eyes, caressing her cheek tenderly.

"I'm a mess right now, I need to fix so many things, you don't have to wait, but, I need you to know that what l feel for you, I've never felt before and it's terrifying, I'm not even sure where I'll be tomorrow, but I do know that if I ever have a chance with you, I'm going to take it."

He leaned down capturing her lips in a gentle kiss, it only lasted a few seconds, but this wasn't the time or the place for anything more. He took her hand and they began walking toward the parking lot.

"When all of this…in a few weeks when things slow down, would you maybe like to…."

"It's a date," She said smiling.

Maybe things were still a mess, maybe his life would never be the same again, he wasn't even sure how he was going to put the pieces of his life back together, but he did know that he wanted Emily by his side.