I have always known my Father hated me. Even when he was married to Mother, he had the same fallacious attitude I once had. Except in the place of my false feeling for everyone except Shinobu-chan. Then once I was reborn my mother did her best to give me the love I was denied back then.
My parents' marriage was a flimsy one once again. They were young when they got pregnant with me. My father wasn't always faithful before they got married, but my mother believed that he indeed loved her. Was it just coincidence or was it just my fate to be born to parents with compatibility issues?
It wasn't until I was ten when she opened her eyes. Mother had to go and visit her ill aunt unexpectedly, so I was left alone with Father for a few weeks. Nothing was very different from usual. We had some quiet meals together, I did my homework, but Dad kept to himself otherwise.
It wasn't until a Thursday after school when my dad was supposed to come to pick me up, I waited outside my school. It was October so it was cold. I assured my teachers and the other staff that Dad was on his way. I waited and waited and the sky eventually turned dark orange and pink and even colder. Soon enough I gave up and started my trek home. The stars were twinkling by the time I reached my doorsteps.
Only to be left disappointed. The doors were locked and I had forgotten my key that day. The car was nowhere in sight to boot. Meaning Dad wasn't home and even though I was young I knew there's no way he missed me if he was trying to find me. Being reborn with my previous life's memories boosted my cognitive abilities.
With no other options, I tucked my legs into my long coat and waited on the doorstep. I recalled the winters in Hokkaido in my past life. Except now I can feel loneliness with the cold. But that loneliness was also accompanied by a bitterness... Because I missed her. I yearned to see Shinobu-chan again. In my mind, there was no point in existing if I could never see her again.
The coldness of the night eventually lulled me to sleep with thoughts of Shinobu-chan being my only companion.
In my dream, or perhaps my new afterlife I have more feelings of happiness and euphoria than I ever felt in my previous life, be it as a human or demon. Then again it was never real. But here, I am with the one woman I love. Surrounded by red and purple lotuses and hydrangeas.
Shinobu-chan and I are embraced in her arms and vice versa. She smells so sweet, not too dissimilar to the scent of wisteria that permeated her petite frame. But this time around, I can truly appreciate it. Her smile is pure and vibrant. If time could stop, I would want to live in this place with her. I just desire to live a life with her.
The world suddenly starts shaking and Shinobu starts fading away from me. I desperately try holding on but to no avail. She fades away. Thus, I'm left alone... just like last time.
I awoke to the smell of a hospital room and the worried voice of my mother above me. I was being warmed up in the bed. I still felt incredibly chilly. Isn't ironic that I could control ice in my previous life? It is not long before she notices that I am awake. Trembling with relief, my mom throws herself as gently as she can on me. Back in my first life, my mother never hugged me this gently.
"Douma! I was so worried. You could've frozen to death if the neighbors hadn't found you!" Mother was bawling her eyes out. Back then, she only considered me to be the vessel of the gods and not her son. She accepted all the perks of being the one who birthed me, but her love was surface at best. now in the new life, in this new world, she's different.
"Kurosawa-san?" a voice from behind us coughed, a little unsure of interrupting us. Mother made a tch sound at the use of the name 'Kurosawa'
It was becoming clear that her frustration with Father was boiling over.
Mother turned to the officer, a tall man with an awkward expression on his face.
"We've managed to locate your husband. Though...perhaps this conversation should be held out in the hallway, away from the ears of your son." his gaze was sympathetic. Having a mind that was older than my young body ( I WAS at least a 120-year-old demon when I died after all) so it comes as no surprise that I can understand where Father was: Messing around with women who weren't his wife or my mother.
Mother turned to me with a tired smile. It made me think of all the false expressions I had given back then. No wonder people like Shinobu-chan and that bratty bully that was her younger sister whose name I didn't bother remembering. Just thinking about her made a dark feeling start to ooze within me.
"Douma. I'm going to talk with the nice police officer. You get some rest. Mom will be back tomorrow as soon as possible. So please, get yourself some rest." She patted and kissed my head. Grabbing her coat and bag she waved and left, leaving me on my lonesome.
Sinking into thought, I knew things were going to change. If anything, I hoped Mother wouldn't resort to murder like the last time. The love of a parent is a warm thing. I lacked that warm feeling all throughout my being. But it was none other than Shinobu-chan that allowed me to gain the emotions I so severely lacked.
I love her with the entirety of my existence. If I could build a life with her, all of my deeply buried regrets and my void would dissipate. Even when she rejected my invitation to be with me in Hell, I wasn't discouraged. I knew my chance would come when I could be with her.
I had to stay in the hospital for a week. Not once did Father come to see me. But Mother kept her promise, coming to see me as much and as long as she could. The day before my discharge Mother had brought me some fruits such as peaches and plums. The sight the of the plums made my heart grip like it did in my dream. They reminded me of my sweet butterfly's eyes. The desire to see her grows every time I see things reminiscent of her ethereal personage.
Although during my stint in Hell, I realized why she refused to accompany me, my heart still gripped in a vice like hold whenever I glimpsed upon Akaza and his cute wife Koyuki, or when I saw Gyuutaro comfort Daki after a hard day's punishment. They all had someone to ease their worries and loneliness. But I've was alone since birth. Even surrounded by others, I was never truly together with someone.
What Shinobu-chan's little sister had said was right. I didn't understand human emotions and bonds. No matter how hard I imitated them, I never understood them. And I never had a genuine bond.
This life may be different, but it is only a smidgen less of a void.
But that'll all change when I see Shinobu-chan again. I know it will
My parents divorced soon after, they divvied up their money and Mom got custody of me, not as though Dad fought for me. We ended up moving to a smaller house. Close by friends of Mom's.
"I'm sorry Douma, all this must be so confusing for you. But I promise that I'll do my best to make up the absence of your father." Mom said, tears in her big green eyes. I knew part of her still loved Dad. I couldn't fault her for that. Looking at my own love, it'd be a serious case of the pot calling the kettle black.
Life went on after that, I grew up and before I knew it, I was in my third year of middle school. After the divorce Mom and me started getting closer. We'd go to amusement parks, aquariums, and even movies. We'd have meals together as often as possible. Even if it was just the two of us and I didn't really talk to anyone in my school, I was okay.
Mom had started working more when I was twelve. To occupy me and make sure I wasn't home alone too much I joined the baseball club. It was actually pretty fun; the running and exercise was a fantastic way to stay in shape. I garnered a few fangirls, but I obviously had no intentions of dating any of them after all my one true love was Shinobu-chan.
It wasn't perfect but I was content.
Alas, tragedy struck all the same. My mother was hit by a drunk driver on her way back from work. She died at the hospital. It was the day before a big game of mine. I didn't even get to say goodbye. As I stood over her cold corpse at the morgue, I was beseeched by a feeling of loneliness that was different than what I always felt with Shinobu-chan. There was no love lost when my mom killed dad back in my first life when I was still a kid, but things were different in this life.
There was an actual bond between Mom and me. Seems that I can finally understand what Rui-kun was always chasing after.
As I was still underage my 'father' had to take custody of me, If custody is the right word. He had long since remarried and with Ume-chan and Gyuutaro's mother of all people. So, the poor children I turned into demons way back when were now my step-siblings. However, to my un-surprise Dad was dismissive of me.
He doted on Ume and his new wife Makiko, However it seemed me and Gyuutaro were just there to him. In contrast to how our relationship was when we were all demons, Ume and Gyuutaro respected and actually liked me. The two were as close knit as ever. Gyuutaro was still a doting and enabling big brother as ever.
Dad and Makiko-san were often out or working, so as the oldest sibling I took it on myself to make certain that my little siblings were healthy and stayed on the up and up.
"Douma-nii! I'm having friends over for a slumber party this weekend. Don't you and Onii-chan embarrass me." Ume spoke to me, breaking me out of my thoughts. Dad and Makiko had gone on a two- week long trip to Yamanashi, leaving the three of us behind. According to my little brother and sister their mother has always been rather hands off during the time she alone was raising them.
Ume hadn't always gotten along with other girls, so I was wondering what kind of girls she had become friends with. Curiosity got the best of me and I had to ask.
"Ume. What are your friends like?" Ume gave me. A suspicious look that practically told me
You better not try and hit on my friends, pervy big brother.
I chuckled, the odds of any girl catching my attention were abysmally low. After all I'm still looking for my one and only Shinobu-chan. No other girl would be capable of catching my gaze but her. She is the woman whose figure I've been chasing for over a century.
The day of the sleep over eventually came and as per Ume's request me and Gyuutaro were not to disturb her and her friends good time in an annoying fashion.
So, we decided to go to the game room/home theater and argued over whether to watch the all four Avengers movies ( my choice) or the Jurassic World which were movies Gyuutaro's choice. As much as I loved my little brother, he had poor taste in movie choices at times. We decided to settle it like men: rock paper scissors. We turned our backs to one another to assure that there be no cheating.
I faced the door heading in and out of the room while Gyuutaro faced the snack bar, we took three deep breaths and on the count of three, we drew our weapons.
Naturally the former Upper Moon Two claimed victory. Avengers marathon it was. Shinobu-chan may undeniably be the most beautiful and ethereal woman in my eyes and heart, but Scarlett Johansen and Elizabeth Olson weren't shabby.
We had just gotten in our loungewear and gotten our snacks and drinks when the doorbell rang, Ume shouted down from her room that she had just finished arranging her large room to accommodate her and her friends and asked one of us to answer the door. My little brother shot me a look saying that since I won the movie duel, I can get the door.
"Yeah yeah." I mumbled and trekked to the front door. The door rang again and I quickened and answered the door, and was greeted by three girls, and out in the background I saw a girl lagging behind. I instantly recognized one of the girls as Koyuki, Akaza's wife. I only hung around her and Akaza a few times.
For an unknown amount of time, I would bemoan my aching heart for Shinobu-chan to Koyuki while Akaza or Hakuji as he preferred his human name, would stand close by and glower at me if he thought I was getting too chummy. Koyuki being the innocent soul she was ( it was impossible to be unable to see why Hakuji loved her so much. He's such a softy).
Koyuki would often tell me that she understands why Shinobu-chan refused my affections, it took me a long time and several different punishments involving Shinobu-chan jovial and content without me. With her parents, with her sisters Kanae-san and even that bully Kanao, with her fellow demon slayers. It ached, especially the ones where I see illusions of her getting married, having children and grandchildren. But I suppose that it was a fitting punishment. I was a horrible person, I killed, maimed, mocked and took precious people from their loved ones.
Therefore, I took my problems in stride and waited until I was reincarnated. Seeing Koyuki just brought the memories back. The other girl I recognized as Mitsuri Kanroji, she was the Love Hashira back then and Shinobu-chan's best friend. Tall and all Bubblegum-like she radiated sweetness.
The other girl I recognized as Tsukimi Aomi.
She's a neighbor girl who lives a couple houses down from us. She has long garnet red hair that she normally keeps in braids and deep blue eyes. She's also got a nice figure. She's like a big sister to Ume so it makes sense she'd invite her over. She lives with her older brother and sometimes helps us with food and housework when we're all too lazy.
Gyuutaro even has a little crush on her.
I smiled, it's nice that Ume has friends.
"Hello girls, Ume's up in her room. By the way would you like some-" I'm cut off when I caught sight of the final girl.
Without realizing it, I completely froze and blushed a redder shade than the blood red turtleneck I use to frequently wear. My palms start sweating and I feel like I may just faint. But if I don't regain my composure here and now, I'll completely wreck my image.
Because right there, right in front of me, just a few feet away was Shinobu Kocho. The woman whose image I had been chasing for so long. I really didn't want to risk the chances of her finding me unattractive and all other manners of things when we've been reunited after so long.
I was pushed out of my thoughts when I felt Ume brush up behind me to greet her friends. She side-eyed me with a suspicious expression as if she knew I broke her rule.
"Tsukimi-chan! Koyuki-chan! Mitsuri-chan! Shinobu—chan! I'm so glad that you made it, we're going to have so much fun." Ume exclaimed excitedly. The girls giggled and smiled a bit. My face flushed even further as I saw Shinobu-chan's brilliant smile again. Far from the poisonous one she gave me in that void, it was one of mirth and coziness. I had to admit it, I was jealous of Ume/
"Ah, for those of you not familiar, this is my older brother Douma. My Onii-chan is in the movie room. You guys can head up to my room and drop your stuff off." She spoke.
I thought that nobody had made any other note of me spare Ume's introduction, so I decided to head back to where Gyuutaro was likely waiting for me.
(If I didn't hurry, he'd probably sneak in the Jurassic World movies and defend his treachery with a ' you snooze you lose' quip. The little stinker. He always was a greedy chance taker.)
Even as we started the movies, still Avengers, I couldn't focus on the action, the Tony Stark clapback and quips, or even the comedy. My mind was completely and utterly overrun with thoughts of my goddess Shinobu-chan. My heart wouldn't be still and although I knew she didn't recognize me or remember our history, I rued the fact that I didn't introduce myself or worse: made her think I wasn't right in the head.
Alas, The Fair Lady of Opportunities had given me a second chance when I got up to head to the kitchen. I ran into Tsukimi and Shinobu-chan getting things ready to cook. Tsukimi was the first to take notice of me. Despite her often lethargic and sleepy disposition, she's surprisingly perceptive and aware. Not to mention she's terrifying.
One time she caught Gyuutaro getting into a brawl with some hoodlums that were harassing and saying some not so kind things about Ume. Tsukimi happened to be passing by and in the brawl her cream puffs were slapped to the ground. I wasn't there and Gyuutaro flat out refuses to talk in detail about it. But needless to say, that Tsukimi-chan is not one to mess with.
'Douma-kun, what kind of food would you prefer for a main course? Miso salmon or katsudon? Tsukimi asked. Tsukimi loves cooking and baking. Since she's a second year ( Gyuutaro and I are third years, but I'm older by seven months compared to my little brother) Tsukimi says she wishes to own a shop one day. Which is nice, she already has her career path mapped out.
I pondered for a short bit and ultimately chose the latter dish.
While Tsukimi began preparing the food, I lingered around Shinobu-chan hoping that she'd start a conversation with me. I'm ashamed to admit it but I feared if I instigated, I'd faint like a weeny.
It seems Lady Luck was smiling down on me, because Shinobu-chan turned and spoke to me! How I've missed her sweet, bell like voice. Even when all she would spew at me is profanities and curses in the past, the instant I fell in love with her, every word was repainted as euphoric. Yep! I'm a masochist. At least when it comes to Shinobu-chan that is.
"Douma-san was it; do you mind helping me getting that bowl down?"
Disappointment started whispering it's poison in my ears, but the personas of Love and Coolness punched it down. It wouldn't do for me to wreck what could potentially be my one chance at the steps towards. A happy marriage with Shinobu-chan.
To let her slip through my fingers was not an option. Not again.
And I shall stop right here. At least for now. I start my fall classes on the 13th and hopefully I'll be able to finish it before then.