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Updates every Sunday
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"It is easier in the end to break your legs than to break your heart although they say that everything breaks now and that sometimes, afterwards, many are stronger at the broken places."
― Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast
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Preston stared at the mountain of goods in shock as Nora and Strong unloaded the duffle bags that were near-bursting at the seams. An incomprehensible amount of medical supplies and chems spilled across the table next to a growing pile of weapons and ammo.
"We've cleared all the hostiles from the Medford Memorial Hospital, so it's ready to be secured."
Nora traced a small scar on her wrist, all that remained from the rope that had cut into her skin a few days ago.
"And the settler request from Tenpines Bluff?" Preston blinked in amazement at the medical supplies, but his smile faded at the weary look in her eyes.
"It was a missing person report, but the settler didn't make it."
"Ah, that's too bad."
Nora nodded and flexed her fingers, wishing she still had Kasey's dog tags in her pocket. They had become a totem for her, and whenever her thoughts had turned dark on their walk back to Tenpines Bluff, she would rub her thumb across the cool metal and feel all right again.
She had made sure to wash all of the blood off of the tags before handing them over, and her heart broke at the devastated expression on the woman's face.
"Figured he'd gone off and gotten himself killed, but never wanted to believe it."
Nora told her that they had found Kasey a mile from the hospital with a single, clean bullet wound to the head, but the woman knew she was lying. Still, she flashed Nora and Strong a watery smile and thanked them for bringing the tags back home.
"Well," Preston cleared his throat, "great work on securing the hospital, that's going to be a valuable resource for us. We've gotten word from another settlement willing to open itself to trade, and I was hoping you'd be able to head out as soon as possible to hash out the details?"
"Actually, Preston, I-" she bit her lip, "I think I need a vacation."
"A vacation, what's that, some sort of weapon?" His eyes swept across their growing armory reserve, was this not enough?
"It's like a small break," she laughed under her breath and some of the sadness faded from her eyes. "Just some time to step away and regroup. It wouldn't be for long, but the last run took a lot out of me."
She flushed and felt guilt gnaw at her stomach.
"Of course, take all the time you need. You've been a huge help, but everyone deserves a break now and then. Were you going to stay local?"
Nora hadn't considered where she'd go and now wondered what leisure spots were left of the old world.
She thought of some of the places that she and Nate had vacationed at, but a sick feeling filled her belly. She didn't want to go somewhere that she associated with Nate.
No, she wanted to go somewhere new, someplace fresh.
"I've always wanted to see the Kingsport Lighthouse! I wonder how long it would take to walk there?"
Preston went to the bookshelf and pulled down a weathered map and spread it out across the table, running his finger east along a series of roads leading from Sanctuary Hills to the coast.
"I reckon it'd take about five days to walk there, give or take. Word of warning, the Minutemen haven't cleared that area yet so it may be dangerous." He glanced at Strong and jolted at the impassive glare leveled at him, "but I'm sure you'll be fine. Guess I'll see you again in a couple of weeks?"
Preston wanted to ask what she planned on doing at the lighthouse but decided to keep his mouth shut instead. He had never given much thought to her relationship with the mutant, or whatever they had between them, and he preferred to keep it that way.
"All right, sounds good. Thank you," she flashed him a tired smile and left to pack.
Preston watched the super mutant follow Nora closer than a shadow, and wondered what she had done to garner the devotion of a monster like that.
...
The walk had been uneventful thus far, Nora's mood reflective and somber over the past couple of days.
To be honest, Strong had not minded the lack of talking. He hadn't spoken so much in his life as he had during his time with her, but he was growing concerned by her uncharacteristic quiet.
On the fourth day, they stopped for lunch at the edge of the woods and Strong noticed a flash of faded purple in his peripheral vision. He turned and saw a hubflower bush in the distance, and remembered her words from a few weeks back.
"Oh, these remind me of buttercups! Aren't they beautiful?"
He looked down and saw her gazing at the dead grass that shivered in the breeze, dried radstag meat untouched, and he growled under his breath.
Strong stood up and walked off, but Nora paid him no mind until a periwinkle bundle was shoved in front of her face. She reared back and blinked at the hubflower before looking up at Strong, whose face was hard aside from the anxious glint in his eyes.
"Here, like buttercups you said."
She took the flower from him and breathed in the sweet, delicate scent, and her eyes pricked with tears. She stood and reached her hands up, her sign to him that she wanted to kiss, and he leaned down to accommodate her.
She tangled her fingers around his neck and he shivered as the hubflower petals grazed his ear.
"Thank you, that was very sweet of you," she sighed and pressed her lips to his.
He kissed her back with a contented groan rumbling deep in his chest, more than happy for any touch she deigned to give him.
She pulled back and he let her go with some reluctance.
"No longer sad?" His eyes took in the flush that warmed her cheeks.
"I wish emotions were that simple," she let out a soft laugh and twirled the flower between her fingertips. "There are feelings that I am still working through, that I will probably work through for the rest of my life. But you've made me feel a lot better, thank you."
She lifted his hand to her lips and brushed a kiss against his scarred knuckle, and he fought the urge to drag her into the woods and have his way with her until she was crying his name again.
"Let's finish lunch," she settled back to the ground and patted the grass beside her, and he sat down.
She ripped her piece of dried radstag in half and gave it to him, and he shoved the entire thing into his mouth without a thought. Nora hid a laugh behind her hand and pulled out more meat and dried tatos from her pack, but he was only interested in the jerky.
After a stern reminder about the importance of a balanced diet, Strong gave in with a grumble and ate the wretched red things along with the meat, and they spent the next half an hour in peace, eating their fill.
Once they were finished, she packed the food back into her pack and they continued on their way.
The hours seemed to blend as they walked, and Nora had long lost track of how many times she had brought the hubflower to her nose to take in its scent. She glanced over at his hands and wished that they weren't wrapped around the handles of the minigun so that she might slip her fingers through his.
You're no better than a lovesick schoolgirl, she thought, and grinned.
They broke through a dense section of trees and Nora noticed a field of crops next to a swimming pool surrounded by a chain-link fence up ahead in the distance, and frowned at how familiar it seemed.
"If I'm remembering correctly, I believe that's the Middlesex County pool."
There had been many summers spent swimming there with her older brothers, but she pushed the nostalgia aside and fished a pair of binoculars out from her pack.
"Just a moment," she paused and placed a hand on Strong's arm, and lifted the binoculars to her eyes, scanning the old pool house for potential threats.
She was stunned to find a dozen or so men and women tending the field of crops, and they all had twisted, splotchy skin that strained to stretch over muscle and bone, or was downright missing in some places. The majority of them had no hair, and she was startled to find a hole where their noses should be.
"What in the world?" She whispered, and realized that they reminded her of the pale, rotting creatures that had attacked her and Codsworth outside of the Boston Public Library.
A phantom twinge in her arm from where the creature had taken a bite made her wary, but the people who farmed the land seemed calm and civil in comparison to the vicious things that had thrown themselves at her.
She lowered the binoculars and handed them over to Strong.
"Have you ever seen people that look like that before?"
He squinted through them and grunted.
"Ghouls."
"Ghouls? Well, are they dangerous?"
"Sometimes," he handed the binoculars back to her and grinned, tilting up the muzzle of his minigun. "They can try."
It would be unfair to assume the worst of them, but Nora found that her ethics hadn't quite caught up with her resolve, and her heart pounded in her chest.
She repacked the binoculars and wove the stem of the hubflower into the outer loops of her knapsack to keep it from getting crushed. Nora double-checked that her pistol was loaded before walking in the direction of the settlement, Strong following close behind.
At their approach, one of the farmers jolted and dropped her trowel before sprinting around the corner of the pool house. She reappeared a moment later with a man wielding a shotgun, and he leveled the barrel at Nora with a glare.
"Not another step smoothskin, I may not get very far, but I'll die before I let this community get robbed again."
She raised her hands in a sign of surrender and felt her stomach flip at his harsh, rasping voice.
"Wait! Please, we mean no harm, we're friendly."
The man scoffed and jerked his chin in the direction behind her, and made no moves to lower the shotgun.
"Friendly? Tell your dog to stand down then."
She looked over her shoulder and found Strong's lip curled back in a fearsome snarl, minigun aimed straight at the two ghouls in front of her.
"He's not my dog," she frowned at them before looking back at Strong. "Hey, it's all right, we'll be okay."
Strong glared at the ghouls but lowered the muzzle of the minigun to the ground.
The man stared at them in shock before reluctantly lowering his weapon as well.
"If you're not here to rob us, then you've come to the right place. The Slog is the best tarberry farm in the Commonwealth."
Nora looked over his shoulder and noticed that the swimming pool was filled with little bundles of bright purple berries that grew off patches of vine stretched across the surface of the water. It reminded her of a cranberry bog, and she wondered if the tarberries tasted similar.
"It's beautiful," she smiled at him, and the hard set of his mouth gave way to a bashful grin.
"Appreciate your saying so, name's Wiseman by the way."
"I'm Nora, and this is Strong," Wiseman glanced at the super mutant in suspicion before giving him a curt nod. "You mentioned being robbed earlier, and I'm sorry to hear that. We're with the Minutemen, is there anything we can do to help?"
"Minutemen, huh? Guess this is our lucky day then. Why don't you come inside?"
Nora and Strong followed him to the dilapidated concrete building a few yards from the pool, and a few of the ghouls farming the nearby cornfield stared at them with caution in their eyes.
Nora stepped inside and glanced around, and noticed quite a few beds packed in the connecting rooms. The walls were lined with a half-dozen rusted shelves that held half-burnt candles dripping wax to the floor, their soft glow highlighting the sparse amount of food and supplies.
Wiseman gestured towards a threadbare couch, and Nora and Strong sat down as he took a water-stained armchair opposite. The couch groaned under Strong's weight and she prayed that it wouldn't break.
"You mentioned that this farm is called The Slog, I'm curious as to how you came up with that name."
"It was a caravan trader who actually started that, mentioned all of the mud they had to slog through to get here and the name stuck," Wiseman laughed a little under his breath and rubbed the back of his neck. "Workin' here's like a slog through the mud. It's tough going and you'll get dirty doing it, but at the end of the day, it's worth it."
Nora folded her hands in her lap and nodded along as he spoke, and felt shame burn through her as she struggled not to stare. He had a paler complexion than the rest of the people outside, with raw patches and overlapping layers, and gouges where the skin was missing altogether. There was a dark pit where his nose used to be, and the entirety of his eyes gleamed a glossy black.
"I know you ain't staring 'cause I'm pretty. Never seen a ghoul before?"
Her eyes darted down to her folded hands and a hot blush spread across her cheeks.
"Yes, I mean no! Sorry, what I meant to say is that I've only seen a ghoul once, but they were attacking me."
He let out a tired sigh, more world-weary than annoyed, and she glanced back up to meet his eyes.
"Sounds like you ran into ferals, most ghouls like myself and those outside are only as dangerous as the next person." Wiseman got up from his chair and walked over to a cooler, "drink?"
"Yes, that would be lovely, thank you."
"Don't hear manners like that out here," he smirked and pulled out two Gwinnett Ales. "And you, want a drink?" He asked Strong, and realized in disbelief that he was conversing with a super mutant.
"No."
Wiseman popped the caps off of the beers and handed one over to Nora before taking his seat again. She took a sip, and despite the beer being lukewarm, marveled at how refreshing one could be after a long day of walking.
"As I mentioned before, we've been having problems with raiders and, well, super mutants attacking our farm." Wiseman took a nervous swig of his ale and did everything in his power not to look at Strong. "People found out that this place was a refuge for ghouls and decided it would probably be easy pickings."
"A refuge for ghouls?"
"Yeah, ghouls aren't exactly treated well by smoothskins, no offense." He took another pull from the beer and set it down on the low table beside him. "A lot of us used to live in Diamond City until that rat bastard of a mayor threw all of the ghouls out. I decided to make this place a refuge for us, but now I've been thinking it might be nice to make it a place where ghouls and smoothskins alike can work in peace with one another, show how great things can be when we put our minds together. Maybe we can make people take a second look, you know? Maybe then they'd see that we're not monsters."
"I'm so sorry you all were forced from your homes, that is completely unethical." She swallowed hard to quell the rage that grew inside of her and wished more than anything that she could take the mayor to court. "I think your plan for this settlement is wonderful, and I'd love to help you in any way that I can."
His lips lifted into a genuine smile, and they spent the next hour discussing defense, supplies, and an exchange of settlers.
Strong groaned, impatient with all of the talking, and Nora gave his hand a gentle squeeze. The complaint caught in his throat, and he sat there mollified, staring down at her small hand draped over his.
After sorting out the details for a potential trade route agreement, Nora finished her drink and thanked Wiseman for his time.
"The pleasure was all mine," he grinned and led them outside. "Ever had a tarberry before?" She shook her head, and he knelt to pick one fresh from the vine. "Here, try it."
She took the little marble-sized berry from him and popped it into her mouth, and tart, sweet juice bloomed across her tongue. Her eyes widened in surprise before closing in bliss, savoring the freshest, brightest taste she'd experienced since stepping out of the vault.
She'd give her little finger to have these muddled in a gin and tonic.
"Oh my god, these are delicious!" She licked some of the dark juice from her thumb and froze at the intense look in Wiseman's eyes.
"Hell, with a reaction like that I'm tempted to give you a bucket full on the house."
He winked at her and an unbidden blush spread across her cheeks.
"Oh, I'm flattered but-"
"Holy shit, it's you!"
She turned and saw a man throw down his shovel and dash towards her with an incredulous glare on his face. She tensed and took a half-step back, and before Nora could blink, Strong stepped in front of her and let out a growl that sent shivers down her spine.
The man stopped dead in his tracks and flashed Strong a look of fear before staring back at her, aghast.
She moved out from behind Strong and placed a reassuring hand on his arm, and the thick muscle twitched beneath her fingers.
"I'm sorry, have we met?"
"What, you don't remember me? Can't imagine why," he huffed out a sardonic laugh, gesturing to his face. "I sold you and your husband that space in the vault. Of course, I didn't find out until the damn bombs were dropping that I wasn't on the list to get in."
Nora gasped and was back with Nate, running for her life up that dirt path in her silly, impractical heels. She could see the Vault-Tec Representative clear as day, a handsome enough man with swept-back sandy-blond hair tucked beneath a tan fedora, reaching for her hand in desperation.
"Help me, please."
"I'm so sorry, I wish I could."
"But… how?"
"You're asking me? I'm the one who soaked up all of that radiation and turned into this fucking monster." His chest heaved and he did little to hide the way his eyes dragged over her, "and yet, look at you. Still perfect after two hundred years. How in the hell is that possible?"
Nora glanced around and realized they had attracted quite an audience, with Wiseman looking at her in barely concealed shock.
"Why don't we sit down and talk?"
Without waiting for a response, she walked past him and around the corner of the building, and a few moments later he followed.
She settled into a rusted patio chair and after a hesitant second he sat down as well, shooting distrustful glances at Strong who stood a few feet away.
"Before I go into detail, why don't we introduce ourselves first? I'm Nora," she extended her hand, and nostalgia flooded through her when his reluctant, rough palm slid against hers, giving it a firm shake.
"James."
She noticed that while his voice and skin had all the hallmarks of a ghoul, he still had his sandy blond hair, now shaggy and pushed back from his face.
"To answer your question, the vault had pods that froze us. Of course, we had no idea, and I only thawed out recently. I was the only one who made it out alive, unfortunately."
They sat in pregnant silence, his gleaming black eyes blinking at her in disbelief.
"Unbelievable, Vault-Tec never told us any of that. They just left me there to die…"
James broke off and stared over her shoulder, eyes a mile away.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that," she touched his hand, and he glanced down at her smooth, soft skin against his.
"Yeah, it's funny how life works out sometimes. All these years, all the struggle, and the filth and the bloodshed. Watching my skin fall off, and then what was left harden and twist until I couldn't bring myself to look in a mirror any longer." He let out a shaking breath and glared at his hand in disgust. "Worse than that was to watch the world fall apart. Watch families and friends turn against one another over a can of food. Watch people starve and die and get torn to shreds by the feral dogs and mutated animals this wasteland produced, until only the strongest, most soulless creatures came out on top."
James shot a quick, hateful glance towards Strong before something inside of him broke, and he blinked away tears that threatened to spill over.
"God, I've been so alone. Worse than turning into this was to then be rejected from every town because of the way that I looked. No one wanted me, especially with only sales experience, I was hardly worth a new mouth to feed. I had finally gotten on my feet and settled into Diamond City before the mayor forced us to leave. Heard there was a refuge for ghouls, so I came to try my hand at farming, but I realized this ain't for me. I'm more of a burden than an asset to these people anyway, this is my last day here."
Nora reeled, head spinning with the unfairness of it all, with heartbreak and such aching loneliness for him.
"Where will you go now?"
"Not sure, I've heard Goodneighbor always has jobs for anyone willing to look the other way when it comes to the seedier side of things. I don't really mind, as long as they're accepting of ghouls, I figure I've at least got a shot."
A small smile lifted his lips, but his eyes were tired and sad.
"James I, god I'm so sorry for everything that you've had to watch and live through. I can't even imagine the pain you've experienced." Nora bit her lip and found it difficult to meet his eyes, "I know we only met briefly before the bombs dropped, but I have always felt so bad for not being able to take you with us into the vault. If you hadn't knocked on my door that day to confirm our paperwork, I'd be dead right now. I owe you everything, and well," she paused, heart pounding in her chest as she reached into her knapsack. Her trembling fingers wrapped around the paper binding, cool and flat against her numb palm, and she swallowed down a lump.
"I want to give you something very precious to me. It's one of my dearest treasures and has gotten me through nights when I felt so alone and disconnected from this new world, I didn't want to go on any longer." Nora pulled out her well-worn copy of The Sun Also Rises and placed it into his hands, and tears filled her eyes. "I hope that this will bring you some comfort as well."
He looked down at the book, bewildered, and his lips curled into a tender smile.
"Thank you, I'll treasure this for the rest of my life."
She glanced down at the book and tasted grenadine and gin, Salisbury sliders and peach cobbler. Warm summer nights with the fresh spring grass under her feet and the early morning dew on her face. Drive-in theaters and Nuka-Cola under a tartan blanket, bubblegum kisses and sweet, soft music drifting from the car radio. The bright, earthy scent of Christmas trees and cinnamon sticks, the warmth of wool sweaters and hot cocoa and the low murmur of her family filling the house with life.
Goodbye, goodbye, I love you.
...
After a few parting words and well-wishes, James left to pack, and Nora and Strong found Wiseman, who informed them that Holly was available if they wanted to restock on supplies before they hit the road.
Nora bought some extra stimpaks and purified water, and on a whim a bag of tarberries as well. She was tucking the goods into her knapsack when an idea came to her.
"Say, you wouldn't happen to have any books for sale, would you?"
Holly chewed on her lip as she dug around an old trunk.
"Sorry doll, all I have are ruined books way too burnt to read. Good for starting fires, though."
"That'll be perfect, I'll take one of those, thank you."
Nora said her goodbyes to the settlers of The Slog, and headed back for the road that would take them to the Kingsport Lighthouse.
After twenty minutes of walking, she turned off of the path and knelt in the shade of a large tree. Nora opened her knapsack and pulled out the ruined book she had purchased, and Strong stared at her in confusion as she slid the hubflower he had given her into the middle of the book and pressed the pages closed tight.
She glanced up and thought she saw a flash of hurt in his eyes and hurried to explain herself.
"This is called flower pressing. It squeezes all of the moisture from the flowers and preserves them so that they stay beautiful. That flower was your first gift to me, and I want to keep it."
Nora looked down at the ruined book in her hands and clenched the binding between her fingers, and felt her eyes prick with tears.
"I want to keep it forever."
Fat drops fell from her eyes and dotted across her hands, and before she knew it she was wracked with hard, wrenching sobs that sprung up from deep within her belly.
She felt herself pulled into his arms, and she buried her face in his chest as she cried.
His scent and his strength surrounded her, and she had never felt more protected and cherished than she did in that moment.
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