I get to my office and there is a letter on my desk. I saw it was from Detective Benson which was different normally she would call me. I unlocked my phone and called her and got no answer. So I left a voicemail and then called Fin and he answered.

"What can I do for you Counselor?"

"I was wondering why Olivia was not answering her phone"

"Olivia is not going to answer because she is in the hospital for something that caused her to need emergency surgery. What do you need, maybe I can help?"

"Give me a moment, I'm gonna read something?"

"Okay. you want me to hang up or stay on the line"

" Just stay on the line it will only take a moment"

Dear Mr. Rafael Barba,

I can't believe what I am writing. Well let me start by saying thank you for what you have done for our precinct since you started. I will also like to tell you a story about my life. I know everyone says I don't share my past but I guess in order to trust someone fully you need to know their past if it is a friend.I thought to come to you because I have a feeling you will not judge me for my past and will help me move forward as much as you can. Let's begin…

My mother Serena Benson was raped by my father Joseph Hollister which I was a product from. During my childhood mom would emotionally and physically abuse me. When I was 16 years old I was briefly engaged to one of my mother's students. When mom found out she broke a bottle of vodka and came after me with it. I kicked her twice and ran out of my house at the time. I then broke off the engagement. I then graduated high school and went to Sienna College which while I was there I held a membership in a sorority. I learned to speak Russian Italian and some Spanish and french. I know how to say the Miranda warning in two other languages.

When I first got out of the academy I went and bought a 1965 Ford Mustang convertible.I rarely drive it anyways. Once I made my way to being a Detective. I found out my father committed suicide in prison for a different rape charge. About two years down the line mom dies by falling down the stairs and then I found out I have a half brother named Simon. My past is what made me want to be a police officer at SVU.

I went undercover posing as an inmate in a women's prison to investigate an alleged rape by a corrections officer. During which time the officer in question attacks me and attempts to force me to do oral sex on him. Fin comes in just in time to save me from being raped. He goes to prison on the charge we put him on him not including my we did not add that charge.

After that I am charge with murder but I got off because it was stage to look like I did it. During my 15 years working at SVU have I ever felt like I want to quit, you know. Now with what happened to me I don't know if I want to return to work there. I don't want everyone to know what happened but since I mean I am talking about everything in my past might as well tell you about this.

William Lewis broke into my apartment. He raped and torture me for 32hrs. I hated it… He scares me so bad. I now hate being called Benson even though it is my last name. He said he will go after Amanda and your grandma and mother if I reported it. So in order to save everyone I am not… As I write this letter I realized that the reason it is so hard to let people in is because it is hard to trust people.

I've been thinking, am I a good Detective. Should I quit? Should I switch up my career? Barba I think I am going to put in my two weeks when I come back or even retire. I mean I am eligible for early retirement. I know it is going to be weird working at SVU without me but do it for the victims please. I want to make sure I leave with everything in good hands. After everything with Lewis will I even be good at my job after this. I know I went through something similar with Harris. The correction Officer but he didn't get to complete it because of Finn. Will you let Fin know what had happened?

What if I die because Lewis Murdered me? Is he still here? I was forced to call Cragen and I asked him to take three weeks off because I told him because I am having emergency surgery for a personal reason I don't want to talk about till I see him in person. I will not be allowed visitors for a little bit. He said okay just let him know when I am allowed a visitor. He said to get better soon.

Barba Why did I lie to him. Why did I not say I need his help and took my chance for my head to be blown off. Barba I am sorry to lay this all on you. I know you are just an ADA but I feel like you would not judge me. Anyways Lewis is time to make my story I told Cragen real. After I send this it all happens. Go and check if I died.

If I do die from all this… I hope you let everyone we are close with know my story… Also know that I did not back down from a fight… I will always be grateful for SVU and all my friends including you, Rafael. If you would handle my funeral. Simon (my half-brother) doesn't ever want to talk about it. Anyways I will write my funeral plans down for you to use if you would do it if not it's fine just ignore everything past my name signed… Let everyone know that I love them and if I am able to where you go after you pass, miss them…

Yours Truly

Olivia Benson

Detective Olivia Benson's Funeral Plans

I want to have a black or brown Casket if possible

I want only want Amanda, Nick, Cragen, John, Mel and You in the front row

I don't want Stabler there

I want people to be given the chance to talk at my funeral go row by row starting at the front

I want my close friends that I mention in the 2 thing in my list

Idc about the rest you choose

Thank you Rafael for doing this I know it is hard

I feel "Fin do you know if she made it out alive"

"I mean nobody has heard from her."

"Call Mel and ask her, please Fin. We need to help her. You don't understand. Olivia needs us now more than ever. I also want Amanda protected at all costs. Lewis means harm. He attacked her and tortured her for 32 hrs. I mean she doesn't want to report it because Lewis is going to go after Amanda."

"Oh my god. Barba when did you get closer to Olivia than I do but is she okay?"

"To be honest I don't know when we got close. I am trying to figure out what hospital she is at. She left her funeral plans and if she does survive… She… Might…"

"She might what?"

"She might leave SVU or retire… She's done… She can't take it anymore… Lewis broke her."

"Damn it."

My phone beeps and I see it's an unknown number.

"Fin, I got another call."
I hang up and answer

"Barba"

"Rafael… It's Olivia…"

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know. I need someone here without me… I feel like hell and they don't know if I will live through the night. Will you please come. I love you Rafael."

"What hospital?"

As soon as she told me I was running out of my office telling Carmen to cancel my meetings. I have a family emergency. Also to take the rest of the day after she tells the DA. I get to her room just in time to see the nurses covering her body. I rushed in and said "I love you too Olivia. I always thought it was going to be you and me till we die old together." I was hoping she would sit up or something to say it's alright and she was fine. The nurse escorted me out of the room and gave a small smile of sadness.

I ran out of the hospital straight to SVU. Fin stands when he sees me. Everyone looks at FIn confused. I walk up to him with people staring knowing something is going on. I mean I have tears running down my face. I can feel them. All I manage to say is "She's gone."

Fin, I see the tears threatening his eyes. Everyone looks confused. I handed him the letter. Fin, he reads the letter and then he walks over to Olivia's desk and pushes everything off it. He then says "This should not have been her last battle. She had so much more to give to this world. Olivia may be gone today but she will always be in my heart. I will fight harder for her."

I hear everyone gasp and all I do is walk out.

Few weeks later was her funeral services and Stabler showed up but Fin and Munch escorted him out to respect her wishes. So many people showed up. I could only chuckle at the thought Olivia would hate this. She would not want people to grieve for her.