Molly smiles and holds her hand out to Sherlock once he lays their milk-dazed baby girl into her cot. The other two older girls are still sound asleep in their beds since it's very early in the morning.
Sherlock returns the smile and places his hand in hers, allowing his wife to pull him back onto their bed to resume their cuddles.
"Sometimes I really love when we both wake up super early. It gives us a couple of hours of alone time and a little bit of time with just the baby. I don't know, there's just something really nice and peaceful about waking up with you around sunrise."
Molly peers up at him and grins, cuddling closer to him and rubbing his chest. Sherlock blushes and kisses her forehead tenderly.
"I adore you."
"I adore you too, Molly."
Molly peppers his face with kisses, and he hums contentedly, pulling her closer and wrapping both arms around her body.
"My Molly...", he murmurs lovingly.
"My Sherlock..."
He nuzzles her neck and breathes her in, relaxing in this moment with her, grateful above all else that everything had worked out between them after everything they had been through.
"All those years I wasted being a terrible person. If only I had put my horrid pride aside and leaned on you more, listened more. Been...different."
Molly blushes and strokes the curls at the nape of his neck. "But we're here now, hm?"
"Yes, and I'm sorry for the past. I know I keep dredging on and on, but you need to know some things I've never told anyone ever. Not even you, and it's been weighing on me that you don't know everything there is to know. So here it goes..."
She nods slowly and understanding, giving him her full attention.
Sherlock chews his lip then begins. "Do you know that when I first met you, I thought you were the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen? At the time I blamed it on being partially high still and how the detox was affecting me and such. But once I was clean, after that dreadful rehab Mycroft made me go to after Greg found out who I was...I came in to brush up on some chemistry work remember?"
Molly nods, her cheeks a bit pink and smiles softly.
"I thought that maybe once I was totally clean, I'd come back and realize I was crazy. But that didn't happen. I still thought the same. You were gorgeous. But not only that, you were intelligent and diligent and sharp, even though you were a nervous wreck back then when it came to anything social. But you have to understand that we were very young and...and my life hadn't been too easy up to that point. Mycroft was very very hard on me to be...purely intellectual. He wanted to hone me into this man that was worth something. Something detrimental. He didn't care about love or care, or emotional prowess and I saw how that made him successful. So along with pressuring myself to become something in the world, I had him on my back. And you know back then I was striving to live a life clean. But I had always been a fuck up honestly. I didn't want to be anymore. Little did I know I had a lot to learn still..."
Sherlock leans into Molly's touch as she strokes his cheek, letting him speak. Her eyes twinkle with emotion and love for him. He takes a deep breath and leans his forehead on hers for a moment before continuing.
"Anyway...once I was clean, I told myself I wouldn't mess around anymore with things I couldn't control. So I actually um...for that first month or so I enjoyed getting to know you even if I pretended I didn't. But when I realized that I was falling for you...I had to choose my reputation and my life at the time, which was improving so much at that point, or going down another unknown path that could lead to my self-destruction again. And as much as I wanted to be a normal person and try us out...I couldn't take that risk. So I decided then and there that I had to be cold. I had to shut people out and only focus on the work and that way, I'd be okay. So I went back to my shitty flat because y'know, I wasn't at Baker Street until John showed up in 2010. And I just sat and closed my eyes and went into my mind palace. There's a version of you there. She was the version of you I could talk to and tell my deepest feelings to if I needed to vent them. I know it sounds weird. But anyway, I had built another room there and I locked that version of you inside of it with all the locks I could think of. Then, as much as it killed me, I walked away. I buried the last part of that emotional boy deep inside of me where nobody, not even I could get in. Then I woke up as the cold and distant and harsh version of myself that I built my reputation on."
Molly tears up and sniffs. "Sherlock, I had no idea."
"It's easy to focus on just your mind when you have the ability to cage your heart shut."
Looking down into her warm, sparkling brown eyes, he begins to tear up himself and nuzzles her nose gently.
"I didn't think that anything could get to me. Not a thing. That's how I built it, or so I believed. But I was wrong...you could. Not all at once. Those moments that we had through all those years; it very slowly chinked the armor around that room, my heart, my emotions. Like you were opening me up from the inside where I had locked you. I wasn't supposed to be jealous of you dating, or sorry when I said something rude. Yet, I was jealous of your boyfriends, and I was upset at myself whenever I'd see your face after I had torn you down. It got worse when John came along, and he'd point out how terrible I was too.
Tears fall slowly down Molly's face as she listens intently to the confessions of his heart that he had needed to get off his chest for quite some time now. She was just happy he could finally speak his truth to her. "Oh, Sherlock..."
"There was always something about you that got to me. Despite my hardest effort not to let it. Sometimes things would come off the wrong way when I didn't really mean it to as well. Like when I told you Jim was gay. I could've handled that much differently, but I was um...annoyed that he took your attentions away from me."
Molly clings to him and sniffles, but smiles secretly into his shoulder, stroking a hand over his chest where his heart lies.
"When you ran out, that was I think the first dent in the armor, the bending in the cage. And when we worked together and I needed your expertise on cases, I still felt a pull toward you when we were close, but because I was petty and horrible, I'd purposely call you John...as if hurting you back for my own feelings was valid. It was stupid. God...and when you told me that I looked sad when nobody could see me, that scared me. Because I was sad. Nobody had ever really been interested in me enough to know or to see how I really felt because at that point I was, or I thought I was, so good at my facade that I believed I had everyone fooled. However, there you were, seeing through me like nobody ever did in my whole life. Except because of my own bitterness, you really thought I didn't care about you at all. You thought you didn't count. And that was just not true, Molly. Sometimes I just went overboard trying to make sure people didn't see me as weak or vulnerable in any sense. If I did, people would get hurt or killed. So if being cold and heartless could save the people that I secretly did care about, I'd would've done anything to keep them safe. That included you."
Tears fall down her face and clings to him tightly, nuzzling his neck.
Sherlock peppers her in kisses. "Thing is, it did keep you safe. From Moriarty. He didn't believe that I felt anything for you. Fortunately, that turned out well for us."
She nods and smiles, kissing him. "I'm glad it did."
Sherlock cups her face and kisses back lovingly. "Mmm, you saved my life", he murmurs and pulls her close, kissing her deeper.
Molly tangles her fingers in his hair, kissing back the same way as Sherlock cradles her head.
After a moment, she moves so that she's sitting in his lap straddling him. This elicits a gasp from him, and he strokes her sides. After a moment they need air and Molly pants on his lips when they pull away. Sherlock pants as well and smirks. "Wow. You never fail to take my breath away. Literally."
Molly giggles breathlessly. "So do you."
He smiles and strokes her jaw, and Molly smiles beautifully at him. Sherlock grins and leans in, nuzzling her nose with his. "I wasn't finished explaining myself, Mrs. Holmes", he murmurs.
She rubs his chest gently. "Alright then, continue", she smiles understandingly.
"During that Christmas party...y'know, the...bad one...I was jealous. If you couldn't tell at the time. I really thought you got dressed up all nice for another man and...and I-I lashed out at you."
Rubbing his chest soothingly, she blushes softly.
"...And it was wrong and hurtful and so stupid because I didn't mean it, not really. You were beautiful, Molly. Utterly gorgeous", he tells her, stroking her cheek and looking into her sparkling brown eyes. "I should've told you that. I'm sorry, again."
Molly nuzzles his nose and sighs contentedly. "It's all in the past, love."
"Mhh, still. And...do you know when I first felt like maybe you were right to love me? That we may just belong together?"
"When?"
"After you helped me fake my suicide...when I was staying with you and had all those disguises. It felt nice to have someone familiar for those couple weeks, because my whole life was gone and as much as that bothered me, I noticed that what they said about me on the news or in the papers bothered you more for some reason."
Molly cuddles him, lying her head on his chest.
Sherlock holds her close. "That night that I couldn't sleep and was utterly restless and frustrated and you grabbed my hand and told me you could help. Since that night, the best sleep I ever get is when I'm in your arms."
"Me too", she replies, stroking his curls.
"I remember waking up and seeing you so close to me and...I didn't want to move. I knew I had to...I wanted to keep you safe. But I didn't want to. I remember looking at you and thinking I wanted to kiss you. Which was very shocking and a bit inconceivable for me."
"I wouldn't have minded."
"You just looked so at peace. I hadn't just hurt you. I didn't have to see that face you made when I hurt you...and I didn't want that again. Can I confess something to you? You might be angry with me..."
She intertwines their fingers. "Of course you can, tell me anything."
"Well when I left to take down Moriarty's network...you know I left you a note saying to try to forget me and live your life and I might be awhile yada yada...but I did kiss you. Just a small little peck and you were asleep, but I knew that's how I had to leave. I'm sorry."
"Don't be, for some reason things felt different between us in that week. It was refreshing. It was you. Just raw and unmanipulated. Untainted by society or anyone's expectations of you."
"I must admit I was so happy to go see you when I came back. I didn't mean to sneak up on you. I know I have a bad habit of doing so. However, I thought the mirror thing was clever."
"You always are clever", she chuckles.
"Hugging you was nice too. It felt like home. You felt like home. I just wish I had gotten the chance to tell you everything...but you were engaged, and I didn't want to ruin your life and then when you broke it off with Tom, I wasn't in a good place for you and then there was Magnussen and Mary and...everything. Then Rosie was born, and Mary died, and John hated me, and I was terrible all over again and that whole time I never got to tell you and then suddenly I was in the room with that coffin and I...I knew you wouldn't believe me. She knew you wouldn't believe me, and I hated that. I hated myself for that."
Molly tears up a bit and hugs him tightly. He returns the hug and breathes her in. "I was jealous of Tom too. But I learned from past experiences not to say a word."
"You're so much better than Tom", she murmurs.
He blushes and winks. "I should hope so…"
Molly grins cutely. "In every way", she winks.
"Mhh...what ways would that be?", he leans in and murmurs in her ear in a sultry voice.
Molly rubs his chest. "Mhhh, in the way you kiss me, your passion…", she looks him over, "...your manhood and how your body fits with mine."
Sherlock blushes and smirks. "Oh that's all huh?"
She grins playfully. "Should I continue?"
"Mmm, yes please. I'm enjoying this."
"Your lips and your smile, your gorgeous piercing blue eyes, your sense of humor, how you understand me so well, your muscles, your beautiful mind, your ass", she smirks.
Sherlock smirks playfully and pulls her closer to him. He strokes under her shirt gently to her hips. Molly bites her lip sensually and continues. "How you are able to turn me on so easily with just a single glance or touch or word…the way you hold me at night so protectively. You make me feel like I'm the only woman in the world. You make me feel so loved and special. More special than any man has ever made me feel." She strokes his lips tenderly. "You're a dream come true, Sherlock Holmes. And I've been in love with you since the moment we first met. Nothing will change that. I've tried to ignore it in the past when I tried to move on. I'm glad I was never able to because you're worth the wait."
Sherlock tears up and hugs her tightly in a bear hug. Molly peppers him in kisses, and he closes his eyes fondly. "I didn't deserve it back then and I hardly deserve it now."
She cups his face and kisses him, pouring her love into the kiss.
"Mmm, Molly..."
"I love you with all that I am."
"As do I."
Molly cuddles close and he rubs her back and holds her against him. Her fingers trail over his chest tenderly as he blushes and kisses her temple. Stroking her hips gently, he smiles tenderly the way he used to even when they weren't together. "I'm just your type huh...", he winks.
She grins. "Exactly."
"I did hear you back then, when we went on that case together. I admit I smiled just a bit to myself. I knew Tom wasn't good for you, but I wasn't going to ruin what I believed to be your happiness back then.
Molly rolls her eyes happily and kisses him softly. He kisses back and murmurs, "I wish either of us had moved just a bit to the side...when I went to kiss your cheek, but I know you're fiercely loyal and you wouldn't have. So I couldn't. I wanted to though, so badly. It took everything in me not to."
"As did I, but as you pointed out, I couldn't." Molly strokes his curls gently.
"But that's the thing. We wouldn't trick each other. Even though I had been mean to you in the past, I never openly deceived you like Eurus made me do. Not on purpose. Especially if I knew it would destroy you. I'm just glad it worked out because I was terrified I'd lost you for good after Sherrinford."
She cuddles close to his side, resting her head on his shoulder. "Never, my darling. My heart would never let that happen."
"You were so angry though, and I didn't blame you. Also I hope you know by now that I wasn't making fun of you. I actually admired how you felt so deeply and carried your heart on your sleeve the way I never could. I promised myself after everything with Magnussen and Mary that...that I'd be better. That I wouldn't be like that anymore. Not to you. Eurus just knows...she just knows things. But it's my own fault. I should've told you everything sooner."
Molly nuzzles his jaw. "We made it here. That's what's important."
"I know. It's just crazy that we ever did."
She strokes his curls lovingly and Sherlock dips his head, kissing her neck softly. Molly's eyes flutter. "Mmm…", she murmurs, melting into the feel of his lips on her skin. Sherlock keeps kissing down her neck slowly as she runs her fingers through the curls at the nape of his neck, murmuring his name breathily. "The girls will be up soon", she reminds him lightly.
"Yes, you're right", he stops his fluttering assault of her neck and smiles, emitting a pout from her.
"Tease."
"Me? A few kisses is all that was", he winks.
"But you know what they do to me…", she blushes.
"I must admit I'm flattered I still affect you so much. I wonder if it'll always be that way."
"Oh, I assure you it will. You still give me butterflies, y'know."
Sherlock strokes her cheek and blushes. "So do you."
"I really could kiss you all day."
Molly smirks playfully. "One day we should test that theory, Mr. Holmes."
"Mhh experiments. Love it. I could definitely. That is, if we didn't get distracted by...well...wandering hands and such." He smirks devilishly, roams his hands along her body, and licks his lips sexily.
Her breath hitches and she bites her lip shyly by playfully, pulling him closer.
Sherlock looks over her face slowly. "Tell me what you want...", he murmurs into her ear.
Molly pants softly and murmurs back. "You."
Pulling her closer, he moves her onto his lap so she can feel his growing bulge within his sweats. "I love you more than you could ever know. Thank you for making me a real man. One who can love, and feel, and be something important. One who can indulge in pleasures of the flesh...and one that a woman as incredible as you could deem fit to be a father and a husband."
She shudders and arches her body against his, grinding teasingly on him. She whimpers erotically in his ear. "Ohhh Sherlock, you're the most incredible man in every way possible." She tangles her fingers in his curls and gives them a playful tug.
Sherlock moans deeply into her ear. "Fuck, love...", he pants as he holds her body close to his.
Molly pants in anticipation as her body responds to his, and she murmurs, "take me, please...before the girls wake up. I want you right now, Sherlock."
Sherlock groans and nods eagerly. "Mmm, alright but you have to try to stay quiet, darling."
"Try is the operative word", she snorts.
"Of course", he growls playfully and indulges in primal intimacy with her for the second time that morning.
"Holy fuck...how do you blow my mind every single time?"
"I should be asking you that, Molls. But I know you. I know what you like. I'm a quick study. I know how your body moves and works...how you react...it's all catalogued." He lies back breathless, and Molly cuddles up to him, equally as breathless.
She shudders pleasurably and kisses his jaw lazily. "Fuck, that's sexy."
"You think?"
"Mhmmm, definitely."
He rubs her sides tenderly. "That's good."
Molly chews her lip. "Tom hardly knew where to touch me and when. I faked it so much with him. Never have I ever ever have had to with you. Not even a little bit."
Sherlock blushes deeply and she strokes the curls at the nape of his neck, making him shudder.
She kisses below his ear and murmurs, "and I know you just as well as you know me."
Sherlock pants a bit. "I believe it."
"Whenever Tom left me unsatisfied, I admit I pleasured myself thinking of you..." Her cheeks turn red, and she looks up at him.
"Wow, I'm...I'm flattered you thought of me. Admittedly I did so as well" he clears his throat shyly. " Though I must admit...it still...makes me jealous...hearing about Tom."
"Oh Sherlock...you have absolutely nothing to be jealous of. At all."
"I was really embarrassed you know. Out of my depth…in Italy...when...er...the first time...our first time. I dislike not having the upper hand with those types of things I guess...it felt a bit wrong to be so lost about something most adults are experienced at. I was fucking thirty-six years old. I was super jealous. Not that you had experience. Just...that you had experience that wasn't me", he admits, chewing his lip. "Which isn't right, and I know that. It's just...how I feel. Felt.."
Molly brushes her lips against his. "Darling, our first time together was worlds better than even the best I had with Tom."
"Still...that's not exactly a picture I can easily put out of my head..."
She nuzzles his nose softly. "I wish I waited y'know. That I could've skipped over him...I was missing you and he filled a void and…I don't know what I was thinking."
"It just makes me angry that he got so close. Because he didn't deserve you. I'm not mad at you, Molls. I'm mad at them. All the men who got to love you before me", he smiles a bit and kisses her softly.
Molly smiles on his lips then nuzzles his neck, breathing in the scent of his aftershave.
"I know you're a grown woman and you have a history and you're allowed to obviously. It just...I dunno. It bothers me a little bit when it's mentioned. I don't know why. I-I know I don't have the right to be upset and it's ridiculous and my own fault. I guess I'm just pissed at myself for wasting so my time not being with you." He sighs shakily, " I know it's bad to feel this way."
Molly soothingly strokes his chest. "No, it's not. I understand."
"It is though. What kind of man is jealous that his wife has had exes? It's crazy...especially when I drove you to most of them."
She smiles up at him softly and lovingly. "Well, the kind of man who knows that it was meant to be him all along, despite not acting in a timely manner out of fear."
"Mhh, it was still my own fault, and I'm sorry."
Molly kisses him lovingly. "Apology accepted. Always."
"I don't mean to get upset when you mention him. It just sort of happens..."
"I won't mention him again. I didn't realize it upset you and I'm sorry. I only brought it up to let you know how thankful I am that I'm with you now and for the rest of my life."
"Oh I know, I know that", he smiles a bit. "I didn't want to say anything...but his name just reminds me of getting you back to realize that I lost you...seeing you engaged and happy without me. Plus the PTSD from Serbia as well as the physical pains, and the emotional pain of knowing I lost you to some sub-par man. Then John's wedding, and leaving the reception alone knowing you couldn't come after me, and then everything with Mary and her dying and the drugs and it's all sort of interconnected with that time in my life that I was at my lowest...it dredges up...a lot of stuff that comes hurling back at me full force and brings me back to that low place. Stupid how one name can do all that. But I guess because it started with my coming back and realizing he was the reason you were no longer openly available to be my confidante or my bolt hole, my saving comfort...that's what triggers everything like an avalanche of emotions inside me. It's dumb."
Molly intertwines their fingers and looks into his eyes adoringly. "It's not dumb. I get it now."
"Reminds me of the horrible person I was and well, still technically am. Plus, I'm not as strong as everyone believes me to be. I've gotten lucky, playing those games with my life for an adrenaline rush. Yet the only time I felt I would truly lose everything was when I saw that ring on your finger. It was like my whole world came crashing down because you had always been there for me to fall back on. Someone that would never let me fall too deep and would always pull me back out of the pit. Someone I always needed even when I pretended I didn't like a stupid git. You'd always been there...always. Even when I was actually dying, you were in my mind palace guiding me through it, telling me my best odds at survival."
Tears well up in her eyes and she hugs him tightly. Sherlock nuzzles her neck as he strokes her skin, relishing in their closeness. In the one person who has always made him feel good for being himself always.
"I know I'm far from perfect. I'm scarred beyond repair both physically and mentally. I'm impossible and I'm incessant at times. I know that everything points to the fact that I didn't deserve a single second with you, never mind a whole life with you."
She clings to him. "You're everything I've ever wanted and ever needed, Sherlock Holmes. It's always been you. Since the moment I met you. I knew right then and there that no one would ever compare to you."
He sniffles a bit. "That wasn't true, at least not in a good way until recently. I was a horrid person."
Molly strokes his cheek. "I fell for you when I first looked into your gorgeous blue eyes. You've had my heart all along."
"Well. Half blue and half red eyes", he snorts. "I was still a bit high when I met you...but I felt something too."
"Mhh...we found our way home though. Like we were always supposed to."
Sherlock gets a bit teary eyed and smiles slightly. "Nine years later..."
"Even 50 years later it still would be you, Sherlock."
"Thank God it wasn't that long!"
"I would've waited. You're my soulmate after all. Even if you don't think there's such a thing. You're mine."
"Maybe I believe in them now, only because of you."
She blushes a bit and smiles. Sherlock strokes her hair out of her face."
"We have a lot of fun and a lot of laughs, and our children are incredible. But I'm most grateful that I just get to be around you. That I get to be your husband; that I get to be grateful for you and the life you've singlehandedly given me despite the shit I had put you through. I'm grateful your heart is full of forgiveness."
Molly leans into his touch when he cups her face. "Always."
"I love you, Molly", he mumbles, hugging her tightly to him. "Thank you."
Molly hugs his tightly as well. "I love you, Sherlock."
"I know. Even if I don't deserve it", he nuzzles her neck.
"Oh hush, you do."
"Thank you, love. And thank you again for our beautiful girls."
"Well, to be fair I couldn't have had them without you", she grins.
"True. But you do all the work and I'm so grateful for that."
Molly smiles softly and trails her fingers over his skin lovingly. "I'm glad that you're their daddy. I couldn't have asked for a better father to those girls, or a better husband for myself.
"Aww lovey. I love you so much, Molly Louise Hooper-Holmes", he winks.
"I love you too, William Sherlock Scott Holmes", she grins.